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Tomorrow is the fifth hundredth anniversary of your coronation.
It also marks five hundred years since the Backtrackers left Philos.
Few still note the day on their calendars, having long forgotten about the former Lightseekers who embarked on an interstellar journey. Of the few who remember them, they regard the voyagers as rogues, abandoning their duties to the crown and protecting their home in favor of whatever they seek in space.
But, for you who can never forget them and are aware of why they left, the Backtrackers are heroes. With each passing day, you await their arrival, hopeful they’ll come bearing Philos’s salvation.
More than being saviors, the Backtrackers are also your friends, and you long for the day you’ll see them again.
You’re especially looking forward to meeting a certain former prince who left his right to the throne to you.
Xavier.
The man who’s working toward the same goal as you: Keeping Philos alive without sacrificing any more people to its core.
Though you’ve both chosen different paths—you protecting the people and maintaining the peace as Philos’s queen and Xavier traveling through space and time for a solution to make that peace permanent—your destinations are the same. Knowing you’ll one day walk side by side again, you march forward confidently, making good on your vow that no one shall be fodder for the planet, and trust that Xavier is doing the same.
When that day comes, you’ll reach out for his hand and interlock your fingers with his. Once he’s home, you’ll finally be able to be together without the looming death of your planet hanging over your heads. Regardless of how tense your relationship was when he departed, you have faith that your reunion will be a much happier occasion.
Though you’re usually patient while waiting, today, you can’t help but feel restless. It’ll soon be five hundred long years without Xavier’s presence, and while you’ve suffered far longer without seeing him before, you miss him terribly. On any other occasion, admiring Xavier’s portrait in the gallery would soothe your broken heart. But, it’s not enough right now—you yearn to see the real Xavier, and any substitution will not suffice.
By the time you complete your duties for the day, the moon is high and bright in the sky. Admittedly, you spent most of your working hours agonizing over how you could use your Evol to reach Xavier. You’re confident in the broad uses of resonance—you used to be nosy in Astria Knyght Academy and peer into your classmates’ dreams—but you’re unsure whether your Evol can successfully breach the boundaries of time and space.
Despite the improbability of your idea, you rush over to the library in search of information on your Evol. You read various research articles on resonance as a means of communication over long distances. After reading the seventh report, you conclude that, as long as there is some form of connection between the Evolver and the person they want to contact, communication through resonance is possible. Although none of the papers examined speaking with someone in space, you’re not discouraged. The most important thing is that you have nothing to lose by trying.
You stand up, ready to use your Evol, when you realize the problem.
There’s no connection between you and Xavier.
In all of the research articles, the Evolver was in physical contact with one end of a conduit, while the recipient of the message was touching the other end. As the haze of your excitement dies down, you belatedly understand why all of the papers involved relatively short distances.
However, never one to give up that easily, you rack your brain for a workaround. You leave the library and make a beeline for your chambers, leaving the knights who try to escort you in the dust. No matter how much you remind them, they always seem to forget that you were almost the Grandis Knight for a reason.
Once you’re in the privacy of your room, you sift through your jewelry box until you find what you’re looking for.
Xavier’s brooch.
He gave it to you the day before your coronation ceremony—the day before he left you. At the time, you two were rarely speaking, so you were bewildered when he suddenly gifted you the amethyst brooch. You may have previously given him a star from your uniform, a star you both knew was meant to help him forget about the girl who had given him the handmade one. But the implications of him giving you his brooch were far heavier, and, even now, you’re helpless against the blush that spreads across your face.
Receiving the gift, you didn’t say much, but you proudly wore it on your chest on the day of your coronation. When Xavier stopped by to say goodbye, a hint of a satisfied smile played on his lips, seeing you adorned by his brooch.
Cradling it in your palm, you’re careful not to prick your finger again, and pray that the emotional connection between you and the person you desperately want to see is stronger than the distance tormenting you.
You close your eyes, clasp the brooch in your hands, and resonate with it.
After five minutes, you huff in frustration.
It’s not working.
You try again, but nothing happens. You’re only needlessly draining your Evol.
Before you pull at your scalp in frustration, you gingerly place the brooch back in the box and open the door to your balcony. Stepping outside, you bask in the night breeze and moonlight to assuage the agony in your chest.
While taking consolation in the stars, you jokingly lift your hands up to the universe and try to resonate with it.
When something responds to your Evol, you hastily cease your resonance. The sensation was foreign yet inexplicably familiar, as if you were remembering something you had forgotten. Curiosity outweighs your better judgment, and you resume pumping out your Evol, finding that undeniable link with the starry sea again.
Truthfully, you thought your idea to communicate with Xavier was impossible—you were mostly humoring yourself out of boredom since you had nothing else to do. But now that an opportunity has presented itself, you hesitate. It’s likely not a wise idea to resonate with something as vast and unknown as the universe—if what you’re feeling is even the universe.
You’re about to call it a night when the thought of potentially seeing Xavier fills you with an excitement that overrides all common sense. Reaching your hands out once more, you enthusiastically pour your Evol into the enigmatic connection. You feel yourself become weightless, floating on a path that feels like it leads to home.
Then, you’re violently being sucked into a vacuum.
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You blearily open your eyes, disoriented and confused. Blinking a few times, you try to focus your vision, but all you see is white. It takes you a few moments to register that you're facing a wall, so you turn around and are greeted by a quaint living room.
There’s a white couch, plants pouring in from a balcony, and even a piano tucked in the corner. As you take in the room, recognition sparks—the design is reminiscent of the furnishing style from a country on Earth a few eras before the planet’s collapse. Though the popularity of interior design styles from different Earth regions fluctuates every decade, many Philosians still derive inspiration for their own homes from their ancestors
The layout of the room isn’t something you’ve never seen before, but it’s unusual how well-acquainted you feel with the overall atmosphere. Despite being in a strange, new environment, you feel safe and comfortable.
Suddenly, a fluffy bird lands on the windowsill outside, startling you enough to make you stumble. Instinct kicks in, and you throw your arms out to regain your balance, but instead, you rise up in the air, a peculiar buzzing sound surrounding you.
As the novelty of the room wears off, you finally turn your attention to yourself. You chalked up the abnormal feeling in your body to Evol overuse, but never has your overexertion gifted you the ability of flight before.
You look down to where your torso and legs should be, but nothing’s there. Your heart drops—from who knows where—reassuring you that you’re still alive. Terror washes over you as you conclude that you’ve been reduced to a tiny, floating eye. You breathe in deeply to calm your racing mind, taking solace in the fact that you must be an eye with ears and wings—the buzzing hasn’t stopped, and you’re still suspended in the air.
In your periphery, you spot a mirror and head straight for it. Unknowingly underestimating your speed, you have to jerk yourself to the side at the last second to avoid a collision with your reflection.
Heaving a sigh of relief at having prevented your early demise, you slowly float back in front of the mirror and pause.
You’re a fly.
You’re undeniably a fly.
After using your Evol to travel through space, the idea of being an eyeball with a small pair of ears and wings wasn’t that outlandish. It wouldn’t have been any more bizarre than resonating with the universe. Yet, you apparently weren’t that open-minded since seeing a fly staring back at you renders you speechless.
The history books will write of the Queen’s mysterious disappearance, and people will undoubtedly curse you for shirking your duties. No one will know that it wasn’t your intention to vanish; you just accidentally became a fly.
You study yourself in the mirror, trying to come to terms with your new appearance—a challenging feat since you still feel like a human. Gazing at the much rounder and larger eyes at the forefront of your head, you would think you’d see the world differently through the lens of a fly, but everything looks how it normally does. The realization ignites hope, and you pray it’s a sign that you are still a human, just in a fly’s body.
…Would anyone believe that you’re a human trapped inside a fly?
If you could, you’d groan and cradle your head in your hands. Defeatedly, you slowly drift to the balcony. Trying to undo whatever you’ve done, you raise your “arms” to resonate with the universe through the glass. Apprehension coils in your gut while you wait to see whether you can even still use your Evol.
For the second time today, you’re pleasantly surprised by the pull of the universe. The knowledge that you have a way back home eases your nerves, and you settle onto the leaf of a nearby plant to decompress. As your panic fades away, you remember why you gambled with your luck in the first place.
To see Xavier.
You’re positive the path your resonance followed has led you to him—who else would you have a connection with in the universe?
You frantically look around the room again—maybe he somehow blended in with the furniture the first time around—but the man you’ve been pining for is nowhere to be found.
But then why did the universe bring you here? And why as a fly?
The answer to your first question comes when the door to one of the rooms swings open.
At the sight of him, your breath hitches and time stills.
Xavier shuffles out, his hair sticking up at weird angles, likely mussed from sleep. He leans against the frame of another door and fights a losing battle against the heaviness of his eyes. The rise and fall of his chest slows, signaling that he’s fallen asleep.
You watch him, refusing to blink as you take in his appearance. You’ve seen Xavier’s unruly bed head more times than you can count—and you appreciate it every time since it makes him utterly adorable—but you’ve never seen him dressed in such comfortable clothes. He’s wearing star-patterned pajama pants and a white T-shirt. Though his shirt is slightly loose, it’s pulled taut by his muscular chest, making you blush.
Ignoring the heat in your face, you elatedly beam at Xavier. As much as you trust in Xavier to eventually return, you’re occasionally plagued by the thought that Xavier is gone to you forever. Seeing him now, relief eliminates all of your doubts. You consider whether you’ve stumbled upon a Xavier from a different timeline, but your heart knows this is your Xavier. You fly over to wake him up, but are abruptly stopped mid-flight by the real answer to both of your questions.
A woman emerges from the room he was just in, blinking her tired eyes awake as she stifles a yawn. Before you can get a good look at her, she’s embracing Xavier and burying her face in his chest. His eyes flutter open and soften with fondness as they take her in. You recognize the look in his eyes immediately—it was the same one he always used to give you, albeit with restraint.
But now, it’s directed at her with no reservations. Xavier can love her freely and completely without having to worry about titles, duty, and a dying planet.
Indignance and rage pulse in your broken heart. You’ve been toiling away to keep your people safe, and you thought Xavier was, too. Yet, here Xavier is, enjoying a slow morning with another—something you’ve fantasized about for centuries.
While you two never made anything exclusive or even got close to confessing, you thought you had an understanding. You thought Xavier’s love for you was as genuine as the one you have for him. Faced with his betrayal, you have half a mind to go and bite him, but you stiffen, hearing the melodious laughter of the woman slightly muffled against his shirt.
It’s a sound you haven’t heard in eons, and it brings goosebumps to your skin.
That was the sound of your laugh.
Unable to ignore your curiosity, you fly closer, and that’s when she lifts her face up to smile at Xavier.
She’s you.
Xavier found you.
In the vast universe, Xavier has gone to where you are.
There exists a version of you in a different timeline and world who gets to be with Xavier. A Xavier who no longer looks weighed down by his life. A Xavier who has finally gotten what he’s always desired.
Freedom.
Witnessing him share such an intimate moment with her, you weep.
Why can’t it be with you?
He said he’d return when you miss him.
But there’s no way he’d leave this peaceful life he’s found for you and your doomed home.
“Do you hear that?” she asks. “Something’s buzzing.”
Her searching eyes land on you, and you freeze, your grief still spilling out of your eyes. It’s a new experience, looking at yourself like this while being looked at back by the same face. You momentarily marvel at how she looks exactly like you, but her clear, wondrous gaze is too intense, so you turn away bashfully.
Your plans to steady your pounding heart fly out the window when you see blue—the blue you feared you had forgotten.
Xavier’s staring at you.
When recognition doesn’t flicker in his eyes, you partially understand what he meant when he said you always looked at him with blissful ignorance and curiosity.
“We just have to hug each other even closer to ensure not even a fly can come between us.” He tightens his arms around her. “There. Much better.”
She giggles. “The fly is still staring at us.”
“Maybe they’re looking for their partner,” he hums.
They turn toward you again, and the weight of their attention is overwhelming. You retreat, returning to the security of the plant by the balcony.
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You’ve spent the entire day with them.
You laughed when she forced vegetables on his plate, telling him that he can’t live off of meat alone. When they watched a movie, you sat at the opposite end of the couch while they snuggled together. Later, you cheered her on as they played video games, buzzing excitedly when she killed Xavier’s character. Then, you deadpanned with her when Xavier proposed taking a nap on the sofa before going to bed.
Now, with the moon and stars blanketing the sky, you observe them going about their individual night routines, existing in each other’s space effortlessly.
You watch in awe when she drags Xavier to sit on the bath’s ledge, handing him a bunny headband to push his hair back. She gingerly slathers cream on his face, and you gape—you’ve never seen Xavier’s forehead properly until now.
As she lovingly coos at Xavier, who’s half-asleep, you wish you could feel his skin beneath your palms, too.
Once they’re done washing their faces and cuddled up in bed, you blush seeing Xavier kiss her forehead good night. Judging by her content smile and how she’s not pushing him away in embarrassment, she must be quite experienced in receiving his affection.
You can only wonder how that feels.
Thinking about how you’ve spent all this time mentally preparing yourself to merely reach out for Xavier’s hand when—if—he returns, you briefly shrink in self-consciousness.
They lie motionless, limbs entangled together. You fly toward the bed, wanting to bask in their happiness one last time, when an orb of light manifests in front of you.
Of course, he’s always protecting her, even while she sleeps.
“I know she looks delicious, but you can’t have her. She’s mine.”
You laugh heartily, and the speed of your beating wings increases. “Since when have you been so bold and clingy?” you say, fully aware he can’t hear you.
Xavier regards you wordlessly for a moment and tilts his head. “Do you want to go outside? We did leave the balcony open for you all day…”
“I want you to come home.”
“Alright. Let’s go.”
Using his Evol, Xavier guides you outside the bedroom. He keeps his light orb behind you, your body instinctively aiming your back toward it while you follow his smaller, dimmer lights to keep yourself oriented. He leads you to the balcony, and, while he’s busy unlocking it, you take the chance to look at the framed photos littering his cabinet.
Your wings stutter when you come across a photo of Xavier and a familiar brown-haired man. One looks slightly exasperated, while the other looks more than excited to wrap their arm around their friend, and you’re confident you know who took the photo.
Your buzzing intensifies as you half-sob and half-chuckle at the image. You ache to be reunited with your friends, and though you plan to give them an earful when they finally—hopefully—return, you’re relieved that they seem to be doing all right.
“You’re looking at Jeremiah? You should visit him next. I’ll tell you his address.” Xavier steps onto the balcony and motions for you to join him. “Make sure you buzz by his ear while he tries to sleep.”
“I see you still act like Jeremiah’s a thorn in your side,” you snicker. “Yet, on this planet you’re on, which I’m sure is as boundless as Philos, you still remain together.” A smile tugs at your lips as you shake your head. When Jeremiah left your command of Lightseekers for the Backtrackers, you were slightly miffed. But, considering whatever journey they’ve been on, you’re glad the two best friends have each other, likely keeping each other grounded on a planet where neither belongs.
You’re itching to somehow ask Xavier about the others, but you’ll have to trust that everyone is doing well and that you’ll get to hear from them when they return.
Once you’re under the night sky, his light orbs fade. “You can go home now.” He crosses his arms and leans on the balcony. Tilting his head up, his eyes reflect the sea of stars. “Someone’s probably waiting for you there.”
His expression gradually grows solemn while you’re busy admiring his moonlit-kissed face. Studying his faraway look, hope sprouts in your chest. Maybe, just maybe, Xavier’s thinking of you and the home he’s left behind.
You land next to his hand and nuzzle his finger. “I’m waiting for you.” You peer up at his surprised expression. “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten about me!”
Flying up until you’re at eye-level with him, you try to condense everything you want to say to him. “I miss you so much, Xavier—so much so, it’s debilitating. You can tell me all about your time here when you return, though I’ll probably be upset with you for a bit. For now, take good care of her and always be kind to her. If you ever hurt her, I’ll come back and really bite you.” Before you can second-guess yourself, you dart forward and kiss his cheek. “Don’t keep me waiting too long!” You fly away, heat burning your entire body.
Realizing you have one last thing to say, you return just as quickly. Holding his gaze, you earnestly confess, “I would like to see your forehead again when you return.”
You take a few seconds to commit his face to memory. When you’re confident his image won’t be blurry for at least a millennium, you perch yourself on the railing again.
“You’re very generous for allowing me to cohabitate with you. Thank you,” you speak to the fly, praying it can understand you. As a token of appreciation, you kiss your hand and place it on your head for the real owner of the body.
Content with everything you’ve seen here, you lift your arms up to the universe and resonate.
One last time, you can’t help but spare a glance at Xavier, and, as he gawks at you in astonishment, your mask of geniality crumbles. Voice cracking, you beg, “Please come back to me soon.”
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Xavier stares at his finger that was just snuggled by a fly. He reaches up and touches his cheek where the fly hit him, the warmth of the impact still palpable. He heads back inside, contemplating whether his story of the erratic fly will be believed.
Washing his hands and face, the image of it raising its arms to the moon elicits a chuckle out of him.
There’s no way anyone will believe him.
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You wake up with a start.
For a moment, you feel like a stranger in your own body—your heart pounds uncontrollably and tears stream down your face for reasons unknown to you.
You sit up, taking deep breaths to steady your pulse before your already-sensitive heart warrants a trip to the hospital.
“It’s not time to get up,” Xavier groggily mumbles. Your moving must’ve woken him up. He slowly peels an eye open to look at you, and when he sees the state you’re in, he’s immediately wide awake. “What happened?”
You open your mouth to reply, but it’s almost like you’ve forgotten how to use your voice. Clearing your throat, you uncertainly sputter out, “Can… Can you hear me?”
“Yes.” Xavier nods, scanning your features.
You sigh in relief. With how off everything feels inside, you half expected your voice to go unheard. “I had the strangest… nightmare? No, it was just a very unsettling dream. I think you left me, and then I found you with someone else.” You fiddle with your hands, digging your nails in your palm to make sure you’re awake.
Xavier brings his face closer to yours, compelling you to look at him. “I’m not going anywhere.” He places his hand on yours and gently pries it open. After soothing the nail marks marring your skin, he interlocks your fingers together.
Those words, which usually reassure you since you know all too well that Xavier isn’t from your planet, paired with his kind gesture now make you want to sob profusely.
So you do.
You break down, wracked with an inexplicable sadness, while Xavier cradles your shaking form until you pass out from exhaustion.
Xavier tucks you back into bed, wiping your tear-stricken face and kissing each of your eyes. Returning to his spot next to you, he tries to fall back asleep to no avail. He’s too worried you’ll have another nightmare—he wants to be awake to comfort you in case you do have one and try to hide it.
After thirty minutes pass, the furrow in your brow has finally faded, and air rushes back into Xavier’s lungs. He pulls you closer to his chest, nestling your head under his chin.
Looking straight ahead, his eyes move to the window, where the stars still hang bright in the sky.
Within the twinkling constellations, he wonders whether he can see Philos.
Before he can get lost in the familiar musings related to his home, he scratches his cheek for the umpteenth time that night. He questions whether he’s allergic to flies since the spot the fly headbutted him in hasn’t stopped itching.
Frankly, Xavier wouldn’t be surprised if he’d developed new allergies.
All the Backtrackers knew that, once they left Philos’s orbit, their bodies would steadily start shutting down. No one was too concerned, though, since the plan was to return to Philos as needed to recharge. But none of them could foresee Traceback II crashing on a planet, leaving them all stranded and slowly dying.
Xavier is well aware of the unnaturally long sleeping hours his body demands and his increasing frequency of fevers, but he ignores them. He’ll play it off and blame it on the collar suppressing his Evol, and that he’s sick more often because he can be weak around you.
He’ll say anything but the truth—that his body is crying out to return home.
And he’s sure it’s the same for the other Backtrackers as well.
With every passing year they’re away from Philos, it’s no longer a matter of whether the Backtrackers can go home using Traceback II—it’s a matter of whether they can make it home at all.
While Xavier has no doubt that Earth’s protocore technology will advance far enough to finally allow Jeremiah to fix the spaceship’s launcher, he’s unsure if those advancements will arise while the Backtrackers are still alive.
However, he promised to get them back home, and it’s a promise he intends to keep.
As well as the one he made to you.
For now, Xavier doesn’t ruminate on his home in the cosmos.
Because, at this very moment, his home is in his arms, mumbling out curses at the claw machine, and he swore that he wasn’t going anywhere.
He stops scratching his cheek to embrace you, holding you tightly to ground himself with your warmth.
He promised to find you no matter what, return to you, and never leave you.
Xavier’s made a lot of promises, and he’ll find a way to keep them all.
He’s willing to die trying.