Chapter Text
Each time when the hour strikes nine, I wake up in a cocoon inside a lab. I found a coat with an ID that looked like me and wore it. I now had pointed ears, long white hair, mesmerizing green eyes, glasses that help my vision more than ever, and iridescent wings with gold veins and a golden tip, with few test subjects in a testing room. It was strange as hell, I was highly confused. The first thing I really did thinking it was a lucid dream, was kill a man. My first kill was a partly naked man who appeared to be in his mid thirties. He was visibly confused as to where he was, and was calling out.
I killed him with electricity, I was confused and curious when I saw the button. When I pressed it the robots tied him to a chair, and the surge started. I watched some parts of his skin burn like uncooked chicken. Still raw, his screams loud as his body convolved.
It scared me, with how real it was I didn’t do anything else that night. Then the next time I woke up I noticed he wasn’t there, hell his name “Lucas” on a paper I found. In what appeared to be a break room, was crossed out there was no news in the real world. So I was either imagining the whole thing, or something was seriously wrong.
I didn’t do much on the first few nights, too afraid for the most parts and just explored. There were five floors, first was just a hallway to some test tubes and stairs to the second thorough the door stood out. Tall, and made of a kind of steel I didn’t know with hand identification.
The second was the testing chambers, a long hallway with multiple doors to white padded chambers, with one way mirrors, one light bulb, and a camera I could look though. By side doors was another, that led to the main control room with multiple screens for surveillance, a few chairs, a panel with controls I had just started to memorize, a few tables, chairs, pens, paper, and low lighting ceiling lights.
The other doors that didn’t lean to the testing chamber was a large break room with five large red couches, wooden table in the center, and gray fluffy round rug, a large screen tv. The other side had two red couches facing each other with a chess board in the center. And an L shaped countertop at the very back with a coffee machine, tea kettle, sand stove on top. There were a lot of cabinets and pull out shelves.
Full of items like pots, pans, utensils, cups/mug, spices, snakes, sweets, bread, pencils, pens, books, wine, baking materials like flour, a whisk, food coloring and more. A large silver fridge with food, drinks, and condiments. Some are ready to eat with labels and an expiration date, others just fresh fruit.
Another was a security room, I could open with my ID. It was a security office with a tablet, I could use instead to czech on things. The next was an actual office with a wooden desk, lamp, red rug, and a large book shelf behind it.
Another was a lab, like a science lab with a lot of dangerous liquid, and metals, and lots of files in the room inside it. That gave a lot of information about each test subject. The third floor was basically a large one story home, with a living room, kitchen, bedroom, and shower.
The fourth was basically where the test subjects stayed, with gendered rooms, bathrooms, and a cafeteria with a one way mirror I could watch them through.
The fifth for storage with silver cabinets and shelves lined up in the front with boxes labeled for different items, like wires, metal parts, knives, etc.. While the back had fridges for things that couldn’t be left out in the cold.
I had originally had none till mister smiles appeared behind me one night, my startled scream was loud enough to echo. He was a tall black figure literally midnight black, two red holes for eyes with a smile. Despite his appearance he was very nice, often helping me with things when I called. I was a bit confused as to why he was allowed to rome anywhere, but I didn’t question it.
After a few nights, I finally had the balls to try again. If I had some wacky lab dream thingy with creatures, I didn't know I might as well use it.
That’s how I ended up, standing next to this cat woman? Don’t know, I just selected at random. I had the robots tie her to the testing table, while I put on gloves, a mask, protective wear and a scalpel. Of course after putting her under, if I was going to do this I wasn’t planning on hearing screams.
I take a deep breath, and remind myself there's no turning back now. Then lower my scalpel onto her stomach, then stab slowly the wet squelch almost made me throw up.
I continued sliding it down, till I reached the pelvis bone. I hesitated to even look, knowing my cut was likely jagged.
I turn my head, and peek through one eye. Just a red line, with blood pouring through my scalpel still inside. Not too bad, I let out a shaky breath. I was too far gone to stop now, I pulled out my knife and made a few cuts to the sides of the cut. Like a large square.
Then put the scalpel in the tray beside me, lasting with my gloved hand. I slowly peeled off the first layer of skin. It was red meat pulsing, pretty disgusting, it hesitantly shifted a few things around shivering at the wet squelch. I noticed a few things as I placed her organs in a cooler, one the number of bones, on her spine that lead to her tail. Bones much thinner, with elastic intervertebral discs. The kidney and stomach acid looked much more different than the ones I had viewed on a human body.
“Intresting” I muttered, interest taking over my disgust for a moment. As I continued searching, I wrote down more differences, like the collarbone, and claw. Then shifted to the mouth, the tongue and sharp teeth. Though when I was studying the tongue, the woman's eyes opened.
I froze, I had the robots use anesthetic gas since I was more familiar with that in file. I should have looked up how much to use shit.
The woman, who i’ll be calling test subject 2 since calling her woman was too long. Eyes widen, a loud guttural sound ripping from her throat.
“ Shit! Add more anesthetic stat” I say, panicking as well as one robot adds more inside and increases the amount she’s getting through the mask. She continues to struggle against her restraint, trying to claw her way out. I already skedaddled to the corner of the room waiting till her movements slow, till I walked back up to the table.
“Umm…Goodnight?” I tried fidgeting. I hadn't expected test sub 2 to wake up. Hell let alone react, I should have just put half to damn thing instead or asked one of the robots. She glares at me even as her eyes droop, till it finally closes and her body goes limp. The heart monitor to the left going flat…
“Umm…” Well that was something…I’d be more shocked if I hadn’t already expected it. Since I let her stomach open, without a hoot of her organs I’m more surprised she had that much strength left.
“Just…Just clean this place up” I say to the robots as I exit, throwing my gloves, mask, and suit away, and washing my hands. I look at the clock and realize It’s 5:59 meaning I’d soon return to the land of the awake, I sigh and sit on a chair and close my eyes. When I open it again I’m back on my bed, in my room no longer male.
I practically jump up, and rush to the bathroom to throw up. Gods I could still smell the metallic scent of the blood, the only reason I’m most likely this numb has to be due to the amount of gore I read.
I clean my mouth, and my face looking up at the mirror. My braids scattered across my face, brown tired eyes looking back at me, skin as brown and pale as any other. Not a fair white, no pointed ears or violet eyes. Yet when I look down at my shadow, I still see my wings folded behind me.
I sigh, and run my fingers through my hair. I’d never get used to the phantom feeling of them, I just flush the toilet and take a shower. I was going to solitary confinement today (school), once I was done marveling at how it fell on me and how warm and nice it was to scrub the feeling of blood on me away. I got out, brushed my teeth, lotioned my dry skin up, and got dressed in a gray shirt, baggy blue jeans with big pockets, and a black jacket, with my book bag. I head down, make myself breakfast, and sit at the dining table.
I was used to the silence. What I wasn’t used to was the hallucination of blood in my food. I let out a shaky breath, gods I wish mister smiles was here to comfort me and listen to my stupid rambles.
I still managed to finish most of my breakfast, and scroll through my phone to pass time. Then head out one it was time.
School and my classes were the same as usual, honestly just a repeat of the previous day barely anything changed. Even the food which could be considered good to others, wasn’t something I was interested in. Because one I was a picky eater who almost threw up trying half of it, and second because it was always the same meals.
So I just ate one or two meals a day, as hunger was something I could barely feel unless it slapped me in the face. I knew it was an eating disorder but I couldn't bring myself to care, when even my parents didn't mention or question it.
Once I arrived home from school, the first thing I was met with was the sound of my mothers voice.
“I’ve never met a girl so useless, maybe it’s that damn phone of hers? Her grade lowered even more than before, I bet other people’s daughters at least get A’s and B’s but her.” She scoffs, as she talks to my father not knowing I had arrived…
I…I just sigh… shoulders slump not even needing to hold back tears, a lump in my throat it’s not like I could even cry if I wanted to… I take another step in. Once my mother saw me she immediately went to my grades not even asking me about anything else.
“Your grade in geometry dropped, to a D you said you’d raise it. Is it because of that stupid phone? Do I need to break it for you to start listening?” She said, shaking her head.
“Maybe it would be better to take that phone, and your remote since it’s obviously distracting you." My father adds on.
“In fact, bring your computer down here and complete all your work where I can see you.” my mother continues, her decision final.
My limps tremble, and I just nod quietly and head up as she keeps talking to my father about me. I just…try to ignore it and drop my things off.
2 hours later when it was dark, I finally finished everything and was free to go to my room. Once I entered I just head to bed tears pricking the corners of my eyes, I shouldn’t even be crying or sad. I’m sure others are having it worse than me currently, everything is perfectly fine I shouldn’t… I take in a deep shaky breath, a small tear on the corner of my eyes dissipating as if it were never there.
I just try to sleep, hugging my pillow and try not to think about how much of a disappointment I am. I don’t even have a good reason to be this stupid, wouldn’t it better to just die than have to worry about this? Jump off a building? Find a way to drown myself while unconscious? Slit my wrist till I die of blood loss?
I look down at my clean wrist…maybe. . .
I shouldn’t but I really… none would question me wearing long sleeves… Maybe I should make my first one higher due culinary. ya…I sit up and open my dresser feeling a strange itch on my wrist.
Then I spotted it during my search for a blade scissors, not regular scissors but the ones I used to make bracelets in the past, still sliver, not rusty, and strong. I grab it and break it in half, the sound bare noticeable as I look at the blade. Then I cut the upper side of my arm, it hurt and didn't go deep, I continued doing three more out of curiosity and there it was a long bump. On each side I cut, barely noticeable at first till it was very obvious. It hurt but not to the point of tears, I felt strangely calm like I was underwater one moment now on land.
Then my action catches up to my brain, and I panic. I could already imagine my parents' reactions.
‘My daughter can’t be…This I refuse to believe you’d do this” or “What happened did I do something wrong? Did something happen at school? Etc..”
My fathers would definitely be more dramatic like “You did this because you were curious?!” and not in a fun way, I’d likely be beaten or forced to “stool down”. Hold my entire body weight with a thumb, and leg the rest of my limbs in the air.
I almost laughed if it wasn’t so serious to the point I felt like I was having a ¿panic attack? I almost actually started crying from panic, what was I doing???????
The stinging of the cut brought me back to reality, and I started cleaning the bleeding as best as I could, hiding everything. My body and ¿wings? trembled as I rushed around the house, one I had finished I sat on my bed still wound still stinging when I moved.
I just try to sleep. That'll be a problem for me tomorrow, thankfully they're slowly deflating. I sigh, and close my eyes tight, not even daydreaming could save me.
Then it happened after a few minutes, I woke up in my lab and beside me Mr. Smile's head tilted slightly holding my arm. I yank my hand away in surprise, eyes wide he just looks at me face unchanging. I slowly relaxed Smiles wouldn’t hit me, I sigh and slump down onto the bed.
The pain on my arm is no longer there, just a faint silver line barely noticeably.
“It’s nothing, don't ask please” I say, eyes down cast displeased and uncomfortable. He doesn't say anything, just stays by my side till I’m ready to get up.
“Thanks smile’s” I muttered, very grateful he stayed. He nods and teleports away, giving me space. I sigh, and sit up getting this body dressed in my lab coat, and head to the second floor using the elevator.
Weeks passed and I found an injury in the dream world didn't show up in the real one physically. So I had more than a few cuts on my pale arms, all now silver scars and the golden blood that spilled always left me fascinated.
Then one day, I attempted it wasn’t grand just quite in a bath wrist bleeding. Water slowly turned golden, as I continued to bleed out my body feeling numb, eyes heavy as I closed them I knew what would happen when dying of blood loss. Just like described, I felt calm and peaceful, grounded, sane, alive, and happy.
I lose consciousness … it was…warm…so warm as though I was being held in a quiet space. I don’t want to leave, I want to stay like this forever…
“Hah!” I take in a shape intake of air, minutes later very much alive and missing the warm embrace of death. It felt so warm, so quiet…, so…loving I want to go back into There arms. I craved the release of death and I wanted it now! Why couldn’t I just have died? Why- just then a cold hand was placed on my wet shoulder.
I look up to see smile’s…he picked me up and out back into the living room and onto the counter top. I watch as he grabs the emergency bandages, and takes care of my wounds. I…just stay silent watching, I miss there embrace…
He doesn't question me about it, just keeps an eye on me after that incident.