Chapter 1: Who's the crooks in this crime?
Summary:
Daniela finds her daddy's money can't erase her mistakes and keep consequences at bay forever.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
She hadn't meant to.
She really hadn't meant to. Truly, the night had gone by in a blur. The ringing in her ears and the faint emergency lights, desperately flickering like they'd been searching for attention, were the only memories her brain allowed her to keep.
It almost seemed like her brain was a pro when it came to blacking out in situations like those. Situations like the one she was in right now.
The clothes she was in clung to her skin, which was sweaty with the way her nerves had been acting up for the last hour. The handcuffs lined red circles around her wrists, darkening every time she tried to move them in reflex, forgetting that they'd been restrained together. The voices around the room were quiet whispers in her mind, they weren't loud enough to overlap her racing thoughts.
Maybe that was why she blacked out so often.
The last witness had stepped down a few minutes ago, but it might as well have been hours, time moved curiously in this room. The silence fell heavy upon her, the jury was discussing her sentence, her charges, the proofs and the witness' statements.
Daniela had this terrible sinking feeling in her guts. A feeling that she'd been having ever since she stepped in this room for the first time three weeks ago. The feeling that this case was lost from the start.
She didn't want to look around the room. She didn't need to see her mother's tear stained face, holding a tissue to her nose, careful not to cry on her designer dress. She didn't need to face her father's disappointment, eyes hiding the flicker of sadness, of fear that he was about to lose his only child. She didn't need to meet her boyfriend's eyes, terrified and guilty. Hell, she didn't even know if they were still together, all things considered.
If somebody were to ask Daniela Avanzini two months ago where she'd be in two months from then, she would've guessed any other situation but her current one. Truly, it was uncanny how much one wrong decision, a careless mistake, could ruin your entire life.
Daniela had always been an example. She'd always been the golden girl, loved by the ones that knew her, envied by the ones that didn't. In High School, she'd been Valedictorian, she got straight A's, she was on the cheerleading team, she dated a football player, she was the perfect example of those popular movie girls that had people sniffing their feet and worshipping the very ground they walked on. She'd gotten into Princeton only 2 years ago and, despite being less popular, she was also very well liked and influential, the good girl every mother wanted their son to date and their daughter to be.
So, how had she ended up here? Handcuffed, meters away from the group of people who had her fate in their hands.
She knew those were the consequences for her own actions.
She knew that was apparently a thing, she just never had to face them until now.
"Silence." Dani's thoughts were rudely interrupted by the voice of the judge, sitting a few feet away from her, in the very middle of the room. He was a man, looking to be in his 60s, with greying hair and a shallow beard, his eyebrows thick and stuck in a permanent frown, the rest of his body covered by the black gown. "Will the jury foreperson please stand? Has the jury reached an unanimous verdict?" the foreperson, a man that was a little too similar to her father, nodded in confirmation and walked toward the judge, the form that would decide Daniela's fate held in his hands as he handed it quietly to the older man, who didn't waste time in reading it.
Her throat tied up in a million knots. The world had gone completely quiet, the only sounds were the light tapping of her shoe against the polished floor tile and the loud thumping of her heart, hammering loudly in her ribcage.
"By unanimity, the jury declares Daniela Avanzini guilty of all charges." she knew this was coming, it hadn't been unexpected. Still, the lack of surprise effect didn't stop a single tear from overflowing and sliding down her cheek, many more following as she drowned out the man's voice and drowned into her own sorrows.
Ten years.
Ten years in Phantom Ridge.
The bag hanging from her shoulder felt like the world had been stuffed into it, Dani's body just slightly tilted to the side to keep the bag from falling. She was silent. She'd been silent every since the verdict, and her parents knew better than to question that.
Not that her father would even look at her without looking like he'd be sick if he stared for too long.
Her mother was quite the opposite. She believed her daughter was innocent, as did Daniela, despite the very damaging mistake she made, she knew her mother didn't agree with the long sentence and with the way the judge and the jury had handled it. She'd been practically swimming in her own tears through the last 24 hours. Daniela's last 24 hours of freedom. Thinking about it now, she should've done something other than mope around and cry all day while searching 'how to survive in women's prison?' on google with her last bit of liberty.
That didn't stop her eyes from glistening when they'd finally reached this point.
In the lobby of the penitentiary, her parents and boyfriend stood, also refusing to let this moment pass by as a guard stood aside patiently, arms crossed and eyes watchful. The woman was the first to step up, wrapping Dani in a tight, tear-filled hug. "My little girl..." she sobbed into her shoulder, the minor difference in their height playing its part as Daniela buried her face in her mother's neck, trying to memorize her scent, maybe she'd be able to hold onto anything at all before she disappeared completely.
Yeah, she wasn't exactly going to disappear, but, to Dani, it felt like she was moving to another planet. A dangerous one that she'd never visited before. And she wasn't sure she'd come back from.
When their sobs quietened, her mother pulled away slowly, caressing a strand of her curls tenderly as her chin slightly trembled. "Be strong, mija. We'll come visit, okay?" it sort of felt like those words were more directed to herself than they'd been to Dani, contrary to her father, her mother didn't even consider that she might deserve this, she still found her daughter innocent. Dani nodded either way, sighing when her mother stepped away and Logan stepped ahead.
He gave her a lingering kiss that was met with a small protest from the guard, claiming there were boundaries to be respected in that facility. Logan didn't mind the man much, he pulled away with a heavy sigh, green eyes glistening and tired as they locked with her own. "I'm sorry that you're the one going down." he said in a low tone, cupping her cheek gently. "I wish it could've been different."
She understood. Of course, she'd been angry at him at first but there was no point in spitting out anger and frustrations in a moment as delicate as this.
Then again, this was her own fault and no one else's. Not even Logan's.
Their relationship had been hardening at the edges for the last couple months for a list of reasons that went on for hours on end. Most of them caused or initiated by Daniela. Whatever, he wasn't exactly a saint either, and he sure as hell wasn't the one getting shipped off to a death cage for the next 10 years, despite having played a part in what went down on that night.
"I love you." Dani said in a voice so small she barely even heard it, she barely even knew if that was even still true. She knew this relationship was as good as done.
"I love you too." the brunette boy said sounding more sure than she did, sniffling as he spoke again. "I'll wait for you."
He promised.
She didn't believe it.
And they moved on.
Her father made no mention of approaching her, even after Logan had stepped away. He only stood there with his dark curls –ones she'd inherited– slicked back, not a strand out of place, and his neatly ironed dark suit, no tie on. The silence in the room grew tense, so tense that her mother had to whisper something to Logan before the two of them slowly made their way out of the station with lingering, almost pitiful looks at her, probably to give them a little privacy. Dani tried not to think about the fact that this was the last time she'd see them without a glass in between, a barrier that she wouldn't be able to break.
The man in front of her eventually sighed, stepping a little closer, but still remaining as distant as he'd been ever since that night. "I hope you know that I don't take any pleasure in seeing you being incarcerated." he spoke with his voice leveled like he usually did, always afraid of looking small, always too proud to look down. It made her question just how sincere his words were. "But I understand how harmful my way of raising you was to the woman you became." she tried to ignore the small grimace that took over his face when he spoke, as if her father was embarrassed of the woman she'd become. "I want to apologize for eluding you into thinking money can cover up any mess. It cannot. And even if it could, I wouldn't have covered this up for you. This is a consequence of your choices, Daniela. I hope you have time to dwell on that while you're in there."
Dani choked a little as she held back the tears she wasn't even sure she still had in her. Her father didn't move in for a hug like he'd usually do before things changed so drastically, like her mother and her boyfriend had done. Like it was what was expected when you knew your only daughter was going to be locked up for the next 10 years of her life. Instead, he offered his hand, palm spread open like he was about to close one of his many millionaire business deals. She shook it with her expression pained because, despite the harsh words, she knew he too was hurting with this situation.
"Take care of yourself." were his last words to her before their hands were separated again, and the man was walking out of the station as quickly as he walked in, without even a single glance back at her.
Daniela wiped her cuffed hands on the uncomfortable fabric of her prison uniform. This was, by far, the most disgusting outfit she'd ever worn in her entire life. The bright orange almost made her puke when she first saw it, her jewelry had been discarded, it was claimed she couldn't have any accessories on her, even her bag had been kept, taken from her before they settled her into the bus. Talking about the bus, it was on the list of worse vehicles she'd ever ridden as well. It couldn't be more different from the luxurious buses she rode when in trips with her family or with Logan. The windows had grey grids on them, and each set of seats was also divided by bars. The seats were lumpy and stained, some of them scratched and teared through.
Dani tried not to think about what had happened in there previously.
At least she was completely alone. Well, aside from the one guard sitting a few rows ahead, arms crossed with an apathetic expression on his hardened face. She didn't know how long it'd take to get there, she didn't even know how long she'd been in here for. She was almost certain it was between two to four hours. In all truthfulness, Dani didn't even want the drive to end, she wanted the road to stretch for miles ahead, maybe up to the edge of the earth, where the bus would tip over and fall into space, taking her anywhere that wasn't Phantom Ridge.
Dani had taken her free time yesterday to do some research about the place she was being sent into. Phantom Ridge. According to google –she didn't have the guts to dig too deep– it wasn't the most dangerous one out there. It was medium security, which meant she'd probably get some sort of freedom, even behind the bars, and there were no big scandals attached to its name. No murders inside reported, no big rebellions, no guard-prisoner affairs. Maybe she'd gotten lucky, she let herself think, maybe this would be like one very long, very restrictive vacation like the ones she took with her parents to fancy resorts by the seashore.
Looking out the window, Dani realized she couldn't've been more wrong.
Whatever research she'd done the day before was instantly forgotten once the front gates opened with a loud, uncomfortable, buzzing sound that made her want to cover her ears. "Let's get moving, 272." the guard stood up from one of the front rows, approaching her with that scowl on his face.
She'd been informed this was how she'd be referred to from now on. It was the number on her name tag, printed out just by the horrific picture they'd taken of her to register her name into the system. Her name wasn't on the badge, though, just the number.
272.
That was who she was now.
Dani got up with her posture a little straighter than she intended, failing miserably to hide the nervousness that took over her entire body in that moment. She walked behind the tall man, her hands still bound together by the handcuffs, which insisted in scratching her wrists, the red marks visible on her white skin. As they stepped down from the vehicle, Daniela had to refrain herself from taking a deep breath in, knowing it'd do her no better than freaking out. She tried hard to act like this wasn't her first time doing this, but then again, it was, so she failed miserably.
Instead, she occupied her mind with glancing around. The entrance was all grids and electric fences, the only green visible was the shallow grass from small fields around the deserted surroundings of the penitentiary. Guarding the front door, two men stood still in uniform with their faces serious and large rifles in their hands, Dani felt a chill spread all the way down her spine.
Did they all carry weapons that big, or just the ones on the doors?
The guy that had been escorting her sure didn't. Instead, he had a classic shotgun clasped in his belt's holster. She wondered if they were allowed to use them on the inmates or if they were just for show, to scare them into behaving themselves.
Walking through those halls, Daniela had never been so afraid in her entire life. She'd never felt so wrong, so out of place as she did in that moment. The further they walked, the more she could see the people who lived there. And the more she thought that she was nothing like them, that even though she fucked up, she didn't deserve to be locked up in here. Locked up with so many savages, looking like the animals she once saw when she visited the Zoo, growling and snarking, looking at her predatorily from their cages. Some of them didn't mind her presence, older women, the ones that looked like they'd seen about anyone walk into those walls, and they knew whoever was walking in would be out of there before they would. But others stared. The adults, the younger ones, they looked at her, some with curiosity, some with an air of intimidation, like they could smell her fear and they wanted her to know that.
She stayed quiet the entire way through the halls, scared that if she spoke up somebody might catch her from behind and put her in a headlock. They stopped, after what felt like miles walking, in front of a closed door, as grey as every other aspect of this place. In a faded sign by it, the word 'INFIRMARY' read out in what was once supposed to be a bold font, time had done its tricks on it though, and it looked like no one bothered enough to replace it with a brand new one.
Without a word, the guard pushed the door opened and muttered a few words to someone inside before stepping forward and opening the door wider for her to enter. Dani did so with a stutter in her step. The infirmary was a medium sized room with eight beds covered in all white sheets, four on each side of the room, a few small steel bedside tables with containers were placed on the side of some of them. It sort of looked like a community hospital. That thought sickened her just the slightest bit.
The guard stepped out of the room then, closing the door behind him and leaving Daniela inside with no clue of what to do. She looked around once more, finding one of the beds occupied by an unconscious girl. She looked young, maybe even her own age, her hair was dark and long, the lenght was perceivable even as she was laying down. Her face was severely injured, bruises around her closed eyes, her bottom lip swollen with a cut, knuckles scratched and bruised like she'd gotten herself into a fist fight, an IV tube was attached to her arm as she slept under the medicine's effect.
"Daniela Avanzini?" a male voice wondered from behind, making Dani jump as she turned back with her expression terrified, looking like she'd been on high alert for the last few hours. The nurse was a man that should be in his 30s, his hair dark and covered by a cap that matched the rest of his uniform. He chuckled lightly at her reaction. "Nervous?" his tone wasn't pretentious or intimidating, but Dani preferred to keep her answer to herself as she followed to sit where the man had indicated her to, on the bed closest to the door. "I'm nurse Thompson. We have a few tests we need to run before you settle in." Avanzini found herself nodding quietly, hands clasped against each other, squeezing her own fingers every now and then while the silence took over, the only noises being nurse Thompson's clattering of medical objects as he gathered them.
She tried not to tremble when she saw nurse Thompson retracting a needle from one of the sealed plastic bags and placing it by a few other medical objects on the steel table. He wrapped a band tightly around her upper arm, tapping on her forearm lightly to get her veins to pop out. "Oh, your veins are very popped out, easier access." Thompson said in a soft voice, clearly trying to lighten the mood with some banter, but Dani was focusing really hard on not crying to even process his words.
She'd always been scared of needles, ever since she was a kid. She did admit it was a bit ridiculous for a convicted felon to cry about a little sting in her arm, so Dani tried to mask her fear as smoothly as she could.
The curly haired girl decided on adverting her gaze to the other inmate laying unconscious a few beds away, wondering what had happened for her to be in that state. Whatever did, it'd been recent, judging by how fresh her cuts looked and how swollen her face was. Her jaw locked when she felt the sting of the needle poking through her skin. Thompson followed her gaze when he made sure everything was in its right place for the draw. "Don't be intimidated by that sight." he said, moving back to remove the needle from her arm, Dani pulling in a sharp breath when he did.
"Does that happen a lot?" her voice was hoarse from how long she'd been quiet for. She realized she hadn't spoken out loud for at least four hours now. It was unnatural for her to keep quiet for so long, since she was always surrounded with people back home, friends, family, and always engaging in conversation with them, Daniela wasn't really a person of silence, she'd never been, her mind rambled a lot when silence took over. Well, she didn't use to be, but now, all she wanted was to keep quiet for the rest of her life.
"It's not uncommon, but it doesn't happen often to newbies, don't worry. If you don't mess with anyone, it's unlikely that they'll willingly mess with you." Thompson looked back at the sleeping girl as if he knew her well enough from how many times she'd been there, then his gaze settled back to Dani with a small comforting glint. "That one's feisty. Some of them have just given up on good behavior and sentence reduction." she looked back at the girl and wondered, briefly, why she'd been locked up. "How long are you in for, again?"
Her eyes snapped back at the man, breath hitching as he pointed a light into them, holding her with almost no strength by her chin. "Ten years."
"Yeah, well, I assure you, 305 would kill to have your sentence." Thompson tilted his head towards the sleeping girl. 305. Her sentence must be excruciatingly long if he so confidently assured that she'd rather have her humbling 10 years. There were a few minutes of silence before he spoke up again. "All done." Dani weakly nodded as she pushed herself up to a standing position, making her way towards the door without another word to the man. "Oh, and Daniela?" the nurse called as he made his way over to check on 305, pulling off his gloves. "A piece of advice? Mind your own business. This isn't your new High School campus." the man sent a wink her way as if he was warning her that he could read right through her.
She chose to stay quiet, her jaw tightening as she opened the door, finding that same guard from earlier standing there with a pillow and a blanket wrapped on a see through fabric bag. As soon as he saw her, the man pushed the content straight into her arms with more force than necessary, making Daniela stumble back lightly and huff a little at his rudeness when he said, “Follow me.” in a low, guarded tone and moved down the hallway once more, not waiting to see if she was following or not. Daniela tripped over her feet as she rushed to follow him down to the area where more inmates were gathered. Again, most of them spared her a glance and went about their days.
But others lingered.
“This the break room, that is the door to the yard, over there is the cafeteria.” the man started speaking so quickly that Dani’s mind hadn’t really started to process anything until about 10 seconds after he’d started. “The beds are that way but you are not allowed in there until you have your bed number assigned, until then, you’ll be in the cells.” he informed as they reached a hall narrower than the one where the infirmary was, there were multiple doors on each side of that corridor, grey, windowless doors, all held open as inmates flowed in and out of the room, giving her the occasional side eye.
They walked down a few doors, stopping in front of the fourth door to the left.
Daniela almost gagged when she saw the room. It was small. God, even her maid's bathroom was bigger than that. It was perfectly squared, but it was so cramped that she felt breathless just peeking inside. There were three bed bunks inside, one of them empty on the top and bottom. The other one, on the opposite corner to the door, had a broad shouldered woman laying with her body facing the wall on the top bed, slightly shaky. The third and last bunk was diagonal to the entrance of the room —never mind that it took like three steps to get there from how small the room was— the bottom bed was empty, the sheets aligned and organized, despite the dirty appearance.
Dani had to look away.
A whistle pulled her out from the very pointed thoughts she was having about this place. Daniela’s hazel eyes darted to the top bed of the last bunk she'd looked closely at. There, a girl who was about her age sat with her legs crossed on the thin mattress, a nail file in her hands as a smirk stretched her lips. Her skin was dark brown, her hair a few shades darker than Daniela’s own and her facial features looked like they'd been sculpted by one of those Renaissance artists her college classmates were always rambling about. But her eyes…they stood out more than anything about her. They looked dangerous, they looked like the type to hypnotize you, get you on a trance before taking you down in cold blood. And the look she was giving her, well, let’s just say it was not helping her brain debunk those assumptions.
Not the time for that right now, Daniela, get it together, this is a criminal.
“Didn’t know Christmas was here early. Who’s this hottie? Your new girlfriend?” despite the intimidating presence and looks, the girl’s voice was probably the softest she’d ever heard, it definitely didn’t match all that was going on with the rest of her physical aspects.
Daniela noticed her uniform was different than the ugly orange she was wearing. Of course, both of the outfits were horrendous and, if she were free, Dani wouldn’t touch either of them with a twenty feet pole. But she’d rather have this girl’s weird beige uniform than the murderous orange they made her wear. Pun not intended.
The guard rolled his eyes as if it were routine for this girl to get on his nerves, as if he already knew her well enough. “Behave, Raj, and show your new temporary cellmate some hospitality.” the curly haired girl didn’t fail to notice that he referred to her as something other than a number. Maybe she’d been around for long, though she doubted it, the girl looked too young to have incarcerated for a long time.
“Oh, I’ll show her plenty of hospitality, alright.” Raj blew her a kiss and winked at her, making Dani look away uncomfortably, intertwining her own fingers over the pillow and blankets she’d been handed —which she’d only now realized were thinner than her waist—.
The man huffed and rolled his eyes again before stepping away, “Counting will start in ten minutes, and your ass better be in this cell, 138.” he looked at her with a scowl and the girl sent him a mocking intimidated look before relaxing back into her mattress, back to the grey brick wall of the room.
“Thanks for the chat, Brian!”
Dani moved quietly to set her stuff down on the empty bunk bed before a squeaky sound came from the bed where the big woman was laying, a groan coming out, followed by muttered words that she couldn’t seem to comprehend. The curly haired girl turned to eye the prisoner who still had her back turned to her, her body shaking on the mattress. Dani frowned at the sight, only looking away when that soft spoken voice came up once again. “Don’t mind Claire, she spent a little too long in the shoo, right, babe?” her tone was filled with sweet, venomous sarcasm. It was as if she didn't know any other way to see life if not through unserious lenses.
“Fuck you, Gandhi.” the laying woman cursed under her breath.
“That the only Indian figure you can think of?” she questioned with amusement, earning no response. “Racist cunt.” Dani heard the girl swear a little louder than intended, but it didn’t spark any reactions from the other inmate, who just kept breathing loudly and facing the room’s wall. “So, pretty girl, how long you in here for?” 138 asked, she switched positions on the bed, laying on her stomach as she kept on filing her nails. Dani wondered where she’d gotten that in the first place.
“Long.” she kept her answer short, following nurse Thompson’s advice of keeping to herself.
Raj tilted her head, scooting closer to the edge of her bunk, not dropping the interrogatory just yet. “Oh, yeah? What’d you do?”
“Isn’t it disrespectful to ask that?” she’d done her research on how to act around inmates, and the number one rule of every twitter thread had been clear.
Do not ask what they’re in for.
“C’mon, girl, we’re all criminals here.” Raj humored her with a bittersweet chuckle, dangling her legs off the top bed of her bunk. “Plus, you look fifteen, so I’m genuinely curious.” she completed and Dani looked at her again. Only now had she realized the girl had eyeliner on. It wasn’t flashy or extra, and it was definitely the cheap kind, but it tracked onto why she looked a little too handsome to be rotting in prison.
“I’m 22.” Daniela sounded almost offended when she answered, getting sick of the shit eating grin on her cellmate’s face. Her constant amusement slowly starting to piss her off. “And I’m not a criminal.” this last sentence came out a little weaker than the affirmation about her age. She wasn’t a criminal. At least, she didn’t consider herself one. One single mistake made one single time shouldn’t count her as a criminal, right?
Right?
“Oh, right.” the amused chuckle that escaped from 138’s throat bit deep into Dani’s patience. She was just so tired, her mind filled with sleepless, stressful nights and the weight of knowing she’d have to endure this for the next 10 years were finally getting to her. Still, Raj pushed the buttons. “So are you here for a little vacation getaway at Alabama’s finest resort?” she joked and Daniela huffed loudly, rolling her eyes and turning back to the girl.
“Do you ever fucking shut up?” she snapped, raising her voice just enough to make it feel like the entire world had heard it and quietened under her audacity. Her eyes immediately widened when she realized what she’d done. Maybe her brain just hadn’t computed the environment yet, Dani had no idea which part of her thought it was a good idea to act like that toward a person whom she had no idea of why she was here, or what she was capable of.
She knew this prison was filled to the brim with murderers.
There was a reason why she was placed here.
For a second, Dani considered the girl might not make a big deal out of it, but the way her smirk shrunk into a scowl and her body took on a whole new presence made it clear that she’d misjudged the situation entirely.
138 pushed herself off the bunk, landing on the dirty tiled floor with a thud that was louder in Daniela’s head, echoing as her breath hitched slightly when the girl stepped closer, making her step away until her back was pressed against the wall. Her heart was beating so fast she didn’t even have time to feel grossed out about her newly washed hair touching that filthy wall. “Listen to me, pretty girl, because I don’t like repeating myself.” her voice, still soft spoken, was just a little deeper now, the girl’s breath grazing her skin as she raised the nail file close to Dani’s face, making her swallow dryly. “I don’t know where the fuck you think you are, so let me make this clear; This isn’t your daddy’s private yacht or your ivy league college that your mommy pays for. I don’t fucking care who you were out there, you might as well have been the fucking president’s daughter, in here, you’re nothing. Actually, you’re less than that.” the curly haired girl couldn’t hide the tremble in her chin when she felt the pressure of the tip of the nail file against her pulse point. It wasn’t enough to break skin, just enough to make her feel like she’d choke if she moved an inch. And despite the way her body suddenly started trembling, she stood completely still, as if the object against her throat was a sharp dagger and not a harmless nail file, eyes locked with the deep dark brown sea in front of her.
Raj stayed quiet for a moment, eyes scanning her face before she inched closer, Daniela’s personal space was only a distant memory now as the tip of the girl’s nose brushed lightly against her cheek. “You’re lucky it was me on the end of that little snappy comment. There’s people here that would’ve butchered you in your sleep for talking like that.” she felt the way 138 smiled against her cheek before pulling away, but keeping her hand with the nail file in place, pressing a little deeper, enough to leave a dent on her skin. A small mark. “But I like cutting slack to pretty new girls, so I’m gonna let this slide.”
“Counting time!” a voice out in the hallway called out loudly, echoing through the walls. But the only sound that was clear in Daniela’s mind was the loud thumping of her heart.
“Don’t pull that shit again, or you’ll wanna be sleeping with one eye open.” Raj warned with her face serious before she stepped back, throwing the nail file on her bed and smiling innocently at the guard when he showed up at the door telling them to line up for counting.
Daniela didn’t sleep that night. Her eyes kept darting towards the top bed of the bunk opposite to hers, where 138 slept soundly looking like she didn't have a care in the world, seemingly not remembering her own threat. Every time she moved, Dani’s breath caught in her throat and her heart sped up a beat for a few minutes before coming to the conclusion that she wouldn’t do anything to her.
This was going to be her demise.
Daniela thought she’d had a bad night before. Sometimes a hotel’s spot wasn’t ideal and the traffic noise would keep her up. On others, she couldn’t sleep because an important test was coming up, the feeling of the silk sheets of her bed against her skin too present for her brain to fall under. She thought she’d had a bad night on that one night that made her end up in the courtroom. She thought she’d had a bad night until she had to sleep in Phantom Ridge. The first night she slept there made traffic noises, test jitters and guilty overthinking look like paradise.
The tension of her cellmate’s words kept her alert almost the entire night, not to mention the excuse of a mattress she had to sleep on, she could practically feel the steel support under her body. The one that creaked every single time she made even the slightest hint of a movement. The pillow they gave her craned her neck badly, she'd been too used to the stuffy pillows on her own bed, and the blanket she’d been give was so thin she worried it might dissolve into her hands. She trembled from the cold the entire night.
So, yeah, it was safe to say Daniela hadn’t had a bad night before, she just wasn’t aware of it.
As she moved toward the cafeteria in slow steps, her neck aching from the awkward position the old pillow forced her to sleep on, nose runny from the cold breeze of the late night —that she had no idea of how it got into that isolated room—, Dani wondered how some of those inmates put up with this condition for twenty, thirty years, or even their whole lives. She shivered just from thinking about it. Or she might just be getting sick from the change of environment, this place probably has 150 diseases unknown to her immune system.
She really was trying not to think only on the negative side of things. But it was hard to find positives in a hellhole like this one. Still, she tried. Well, she wouldn’t have to put up with her in-crisis relationship anymore, plus she had an excuse to get some space from Logan, which something she’d been needing for a while. And...yeah, that was about the only good thing. The line for breakfast moved faster than she’d anticipated, given how long it was. She took time observing the people around, careful not to stare for too long at anyone, not knowing what their reaction would be. She was aware she looked out of place, like a new, polished, hard-covered book in an old library shelf. She was aware that she looked like an easy target, and better yet, that she was one. Some of these women walked alone, keeping to themselves at most, seeming to enjoy the silence —or loudness, who was she to tell?— of their own heads.
Most of them, though, they walked in groups.
She noticed it right away. Black girls sat with black girls, white girls with white girls and so on. Obviously, that wasn’t a rule, there were mixed groups here and there, but it seemed to her that these women gravitated towards people who were more like them, in race or ethnicity, or whatever it was that brought them together.
That’d be a problem, she concluded.
It’d be a problem, because Daniela wasn’t like anyone in there. Not a single inmate looked at her like she might be a good fit to hang around. She’d never once experienced being this low on the social scale before. Was this what being an outcast in school felt like? If it was, she owed a few people some very big apologies.
She didn’t make eye contact with the inmates that served food, only kept her head down as if she responded to them. Dani grabbed the box of juice from the table adjacent to the service line, then, she scanned the room with quick eyes, looking for a table that didn’t look like it could draw too much attention and would keep her away from any passerby’s. She settled on an empty table to the very corner of the room, close to the wall, not too far from the entrance but also not too close to the yard exit, which was were most of the inmates were headed afterwards.
Avanzini looked down at her tray, using her plastic fork to poke at the watery scrambled eggs. Even the food here had tones of grey all over it. Dani tried not to gag at the dry, burned toast and the sticky rice. Instead of focusing on the trash that this place liked to call food, she let her mind wander again. God, she was so bored already. What was she going to be doing the entire day? What was she even supposed to be doing? She’d never been in this situation before and she honestly never thought she'd ever be in it.
In a prison.
For 10 years.
The sound of a tray being carelessly thrown onto her table, along with a person throwing themselves on the seat opposite to her, made Daniela almost fly out of her thoughts with a literal jump at the sound. When her eyes traveled up, they met those deep brown siren eyes that haunted her previous night and were the reason for the bags under her own eyes —along with a terrible pillow-mattress-blanket combo—. Dani let out a shallow sigh, hating the smirk that spread over her cellmate’s lips. “Why so jumpy, pretty girl?” her laugh wasn’t forced, but rather genuine, like she took pleasure in seeing the curly haired girl squirm under her gaze and have jump scares at her sudden arrivals.
“Almost like I’m surrounded by criminals.” she mumbled more to herself than to Raj, but she caught the pointed look in her eyes. “And stop calling me that.” Dani realized her voice came off a little louder than expected, maybe a little harsher as well. Remembering the previous night’s incident, she shrunk into herself, despite the lack of fury in 138’s eyes this time around. “Please.” she added quietly, like a child that was shamefully asking their mother for an expensive candy at the store.
Her cellmate chuckled as she brought the plastic fork with some eggs and rice to her lips, eating normally as if she wasn’t consuming one of the most disgusting looking foods Daniela had ever set eyes on. Maybe she’d been used to it, Daniela wondered once again how long she’d been there. “Relax, I don’t bite.” she saw the glint in her eye when she said it, it was as if Dani could almost watch the thought forming in the other girl’s head. “Not unless you ask nicely.” Raj bit the tip of her fork with a grin that was almost devilish.
It kind of knocked the wind out of her for a second.
“I’m straight.” Avanzini said a little to quickly, the information did nothing to shrink that damn smirk in 138’s lips. “I have a boyfriend, back home. And I— love him.” she kicked herself mentally for hesitating on the last words. She did love him. She did. They’d just been through some stuff. But it didn’t mean he wasn’t the one, no matter what she did or he did. Right?
“Yeah, you definitely sound so sure of that, pretty girl.” Raj said sarcastically, earning a short glare from the curly haired girl sitting opposite to her. She took a sip of her juice box, only then did Daniela notice the tattoos on her hands. Her head had been all over the place yesterday, but now, seeing from up close for the first time and actually stopping to analyze, she saw the curvy patterns, a few flowery arches and dotted lines extending all over her wrists, hands and fingers. She noticed the RAJ written down on her left index, middle and ring fingers, respectively. “And most of these women have boyfriends and husbands, either way. What happens in Phantom Ridge, stays in Phantom Ridge. You’ll see, you’ll be dry before you know it, this place messes with your brain once you haven’t gotten any action in years.”
The girl winked and Dani swallowed, reminiscing the last few months of freedom she had and how she should’ve cherished them a lot more. “Seriously, stop calling me that.” her tone was collected this time, almost tired.
She was tired of this place already.
“Alright.” Raj straightened in her seat, food forgotten like Dani’s was. She supported her elbows on the table and leaned forward slightly, tilting her head to the side with her smirk a little held now, only a small side grin taking over her lips. “Tell me your name, then.”
Daniela considered her words as if they were an offer. She bit down on her bottom lip, pulling at the progressively drying skin there. Apparently her body didn’t know the difference between getting a bullet to the chest and having to change up her environment. She debated on denying, but Raj didn’t seem like she was out to get her, at least not in any way that would be harmful. Dani knew it wasn’t smart to assume that a literal criminal wasn’t out to get her, but she also felt like —being a person that has always surrounded herself with friends and social groups— she might go mad if she remained alone for the next ten years in there. She might as well keep it civil, just for the sake of having someone familiar in there. “Dani.” she said quietly, like it was a secret. “It’s…it’s short for Daniela.”
The brown skinned girl seemed taken aback, clearly she’d been expecting some sort of front to be pulled up by Dani. “Cool. I’m Lara. Raj.” she added and the comically large stop between her name and last name made Dani let out a quick, almost imperceptible chuckle.
“Yeah, I figured that.”
Before the conversation could continue into a place that Dani had no idea where it could end, the sound of the cafeteria’s doors getting pushed open pulled Lara’s attention to the entrance, eyes widening slightly in a mix of relief and surprise. “Fuck, she’s back on her feet.” she mumbled to herself with a sigh of relief, but Dani caught it as she turned around to follow her gaze.
Making her way towards the breakfast line with a tray held weakly in her hands was the girl she saw in the infirmary last night. 305. Her face was less swollen, but no less injured than it had been last night, it was hard to find a piece of her skin that wasn’t littered with bruises or healing cuts. Like Dani, the girl didn’t exactly look like a criminal. Looking at her more closely now and without all of those wires, she saw someone that could’ve easily been a neighbor in her street. Her hair was, in fact, long, dark and wavy and it looked taken care of, even if she was well aware there was no way the beauty products in here were fancy enough to make it shiny and hydrated. Her eyes were completely black, differently from Lara, on who’s she could see the small flecks of brown that shone when caught under the light, no, 305’s eyes were a void, an abyss, pulled at edges, her gaze was as sharp as the format of her eye. Her lips were full, but maybe it was the injures there that gave her that impression, and she walked with a limp on her left leg.
Lara noticed the way her eyes lingered, analyzing the injured girl who now moved forward on the line to grab her breakfast. “Thank God she is, this food is a mess. That kitchen needs us.” this time she spoke for Daniela to hear too, making the shorter girl advert her gaze from the limping girl to the one seating in front of her.
She frowned, “Who is she?” Dani quietly hoped she wasn’t being too invasive by asking.
Lara didn’t seem to mind, though, as she smiled like she’d been waiting to gossip about her to somebody new and she finally found the perfect opportunity. She leaned in, “Laforteza? She’s like the top scorer in troublemaking in here.” Dani couldn’t help but frown deeper at that, looking at the girl once again, she was now moving down the cafeteria, finding her place among a group of women, close to the middle of the hall. If it weren’t for the bruises, she’d say that girl, Laforteza, was her last suspect of being a troublemaker in this crowd. “I know, doesn’t look the part, right?”
“Definitely not.” Dani looked down at her food, the contents of her tray were already cold and didn’t appeal to her at all.
It seemed to be the opposite for Lara though, the girl was on the last bite of her cardboard-textured toast, biting on it as if it might as well have been the best pizza slice in the house. “And, prison gossip—“ Dani leaned forward at that, grabbing her juice box to pull out the paper straw. Her stomach would have to settle for just that. “—Her mom was once an inmate here, and I heard that her sister’s getting thrown in this week. Same thing as her. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”
Dani’s frowned turned puzzled. “What for?” she wondered curiously.
“I don’t know exactly, everyone just says ‘gang activity’ or ‘organized crime’, but her sentence?” Lara whistled in amusement, setting her fork down on the —impressively— empty tray. “That can’t come from one single accusation, I’d say at least six.” the older girl widened her eyes at that. She had 2 charges and ended up with 10 years, what would at least 6 charges do to somebody’s case? She shivered just thinking about it. “And I’m being generous. Generational crime like that? She has to have like ten charges on her back.”
“How long is it? Her sentence?” the curly haired girl wondered, suddenly involved in all the prison drama as if it were her High School’s latest gossip. Of course, gossip in her High School usually consisted of ‘Terry Smith cheated on Julia Drew with Nancy Crawford’ and not how many crimes someone had on their record or the length of their sentence in prison.
“Honestly? No one knows for sure.” Lara kept her voice down as if the cafeteria wasn’t loud enough to drown it out. Dani respected that though, she could only imagine what making gossip of another inmate could do to someone in there. “Some of them say it’s life sentence, others say it’s 130 years. The only thing I’m sure of—“ she turned to give Laforteza a look, Dani following as her eyes settled on the girl, surrounded by all types of inmates, as if her group had something that connected them beyond race, ethnicity or even age. As if she didn’t even need that to have people lurking around her. “—is that we’ll be dead before she’s out of here.”
It was then that Laforteza looked up from her tray. The people around her kept talking amongst themselves, voices hushed as if they were scared the guards watching them might overhear, but her eyes settled on Dani. And nothing could’ve prepared her for how sharp they ripped through her, knocking her breath away for a moment. The girl looked intimidatingly beautiful, the bruises adorning her face might as well have been jewels, they fit her, like she’d worn them one too many times. Lara said something about putting her tray away and got up from the table, but Daniela payed her no mind. She was too focused on that sharp, narrowed eyed gaze, measuring her, looking like she was trying to recall whether she’d seen her before or not. Dani didn’t know why, but she never broke eye contact, despite the fear blooming in her stomach. And neither did Laforteza.
Notes:
yes lara's tats are the vma's ones, but here they're real
Chapter 2: I'm the real pig blood soaked fucking homecoming queen
Summary:
Unexpected ghosts surging up from the past make Daniela reminisce about that night again. It's a small world and there's more to Phantom Ridge than just doing the laundry and being miserable in her bed, Daniela discovers that loud and fast.
Notes:
tw!! // pretty emotionally heavy chapter imo, there are talks of death and implied domestic abuse (no descriptions) idk, just be safe!!
this chapter is way longer than the first lol so i hope y'all like longer chapters
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Dani eyed her boyfriend, half annoyed and half tired of this night. She just wanted to go home, to lay in her bed, watch the new Love Island episode and pass out for the rest of the night until she remembered nothing from the day before. Logan eyed her with a drunken glint in his eyes, his gaze alternating between her face and the shots laid out in front of them. The music was too loud, her boyfriend’s friends were disgusting and invasive, not that he gave a fuck, apparently, she was sweaty and the place smelled like somebody’s armpit after a marathon and Dani was almost sure someone slipped something colorful into her last drink.
Or that might’ve just been the anxiety talking, she wasn’t so sure now.
“C’mon, babe, we’re all having fun!” Logan said, pushing one of the shots towards her as the other guys took the rest of them and downed without a thought.
Daniela rolled her eyes, arms crossed, face scrunched in a scowl. “Yeah, you’re all having fun. I wanna go home, Logan.” she said with her eyes pleading, but her look was drowned by the alcohol he’d already ingested.
“Just half an hour.” he proposed with a pout as if that'd do anything to change her mind. She looked at him with an ‘are you serious?’ look and the boy rolled his eyes harshly, so harshly that his curls swayed the slightest bit. Those greasy, poorly taken care of curls that kind of pissed Dani off if she looked at them too long, definitely nothing like— “Please? Can you not be a bitch for thirty minutes and then we’ll go?”
Daniela gave him a disbelieved look, but she saw the way he wasn’t backing down and she knew she was his ride for the night, so, she grabbed the shot and drowned it in one ago, along with all the cheering from Logan’s douchebag friends. She started the night with no intentions of drinking, being his designated driver and all that, but with a lot of whining and convincing from the boy, claiming that her house was 'only 10 minutes away' Dani gave into the drinks he pushed towards her the entire night.
That might've been the worst mistake she'd ever made.
As the night went on, Dani stayed beside the bar, watching as her boyfriend and his friends entertained themselves with the pool table. Her sixth drink of the night turned warm in her hands as she clutched onto the cup, taking large gulps here and there, just enough to keep her vision blurry and her body out of balance, enough for her to feel like she wasn’t even here, like she was just a ghost, unseen by everyone around.
She watched as Logan hit up a girl —a rare sight at that bar where most clients were dudes—, she wished she felt more when that scene came into view. In fact, she felt sorry for the girl, and for the way she squirmed away, trying to blow him off. Daniela wasn’t sure when exactly she’d fallen out of love with him, she wasn’t even sure if she’d been in love with him to begin with. He was alright, her parents liked him, he was a decent boyfriend, he almost never forgot her birthdays, he was mildly good in bed and he was pretty attractive, objectively speaking. His parents were filthy rich, much like hers, their furniture company had unities all over the world, and they got along just fine with her mom and dad.
Still, there was no spark.
When he kissed her, her throat would tighten up. When he touched her, her skin would rise in shivers, like the pressing of his skin against hers burned her in the worst way possible. Dani even lost count of how many orgasms she'd fake because he was ‘almost there’. She wasn’t any sex specialist, but wasn’t it supposed to go on for longer than 5 seconds?
Who knows, she’d never really done it with anyone else.
Well, actually…
Daniela widened her eyes at her own thoughts, looking around with a guilty gaze like someone might’ve slipped into her mind and read it. She downed the rest of her drink in one go, excusing the burning sensation and the nausea that sparked up when the warm liquid landed roughly in her stomach, like a punch to the gut as she grimaced at the bitter taste. She barely noticed her phone’s buzzing inside her purse, reaching in to pull it out, her throat knotted up when her eyes landed on the contact. A name she hadn’t seen in so long.
Manz❤
Dani watched it ring one, two, three times in a row before sighed and moved her thumb.
Decline.
Daniela hated the way she was slowly falling into rhythm with that awful place. She’d been there six days. Six whole days, each one felt like a life sentence. It felt like she’d been there for six hundred years. And everyday, she’d do the same thing. She hadn’t gotten her bed number assigned yet, neither had Lara —for a reason unknown to Daniela as to why she was in the cells in the first place—, so they were still roommates. Dani would wake up every morning with her entire body aching, her eyes drowsy from sleep, her nosy runny from the cold nights, then, she’d go to breakfast, have a chat with Lara, share stories or just sit in silence as they ate when she sat with her, but on some days Lara hung around this other girl, some girl with her hair strands dyed baby pink, and they looked pretty close whenever they ate together. Daniela ate alone on those days, no one payed her any mind or bothered her other than the side glances.
After eating breakfast —which had gotten considerably better ever since Laforteza and Lara took over the kitchen again— Dani would go to the bathroom and wait about 40 minutes to shower and get her teeth brushed amidst the chaos of laughter, arguing and moaning that it became in the early hours, that bathroom was any rich girl's personal hell, but she'd get into that later. Then she’d have to do her assigned prison job, which was laundry with a bunch of older ladies that refused to address her directly, between getting those old ass washing machines to work and moving around 70 year-olds, it’d be lunch time already. Lara usually spent it in the kitchen, helping the other inmates out since more inmates showed up to lunch than to breakfast. And then she had the rest of the day free to sulk around in her cell until dinner.
And that was pretty much how her life went. And it was probably how it was going to go.
For the next 10 years.
She and Lara had been hitting off fine. She found out the girl was calmer than she thought, and Dani wasn’t as afraid of her as she’d been in the first couple of hours. Or days. Yeah, Lara was intimidating, but, to be honest, sometimes Daniela found herself forgetting that she was a criminal. She couldn’t picture Lara committing any crimes that would get her a long sentence, or a sentence as long as she’d implied hers to be. She suspected her cellmate might’ve been sent in there for gossiping too much. Because she did. It was basically all she did when she was with Dani.
Lara knew everything about everyone, somehow. She had every bit of information, if a fight broke out, she was the first to know, if a guard went missing, Lara surely had heard something about it, if somebody new was coming in, she probably already had that person’s entire criminal file pulled in her hands.
But, sometimes, she failed.
Only sometimes.
The two of them lay in Dani’s bed after hours, the woman that was here when Daniela arrived almost a week ago had been assembled her old bed, leaving the two of them alone in the cell for the last four days. It was around day three that the pair realized sleeping in the same bed created some body warmth and it made nights a little less uncomfortably cold inside those haunted cells. They would never talk about it when they woke up spooning each other from time to time. Or that one time where she woke up completely cuddled by her side, face buried in her neck and all.
Sometimes Dani had to remind herself that this was a convicted felon and not her best friend from back home.
But still, nights got cold in there, so she wouldn’t say no to some comfortable body warmth during them. Every night they lay on their own beds after the counting, but once the door is closed and locked from the outside, Lara quietly climbs off her top bunk with her blanket and pillow and sneaks under Daniela’s excuse of a blanket, and every morning they startle apart with the loud slams the guards would give the metal doors before unlocking them and opening them widely. Luckily, the doors were probably from the age of the dinosaurs and the guards always scrambled when trying to unlock them, which usually gave Lara just enough time to tumble off the bed and climb back into her own bunk.
That night, it couldn’t’ve been any different, Lara was laying by her side, Dani pressed between her warm body and the grey brick wall, trying not to press onto the cold building without invading much of her cellmate’s space. They mostly kept quiet during the nights, they silently agreed that this was something they both needed and that it didn’t need to be addressed. Daniela also felt like small talk might make everything awkward and push Lara into going back to her own bunk, and she wasn’t fond of the thought of risking her only warmth source in the absence of a heater.
“You think it’s midnight already?” it was Lara that started it, whispering quietly into the darkened room. If it wasn’t for the way her eyes got used to the darkness, Dani wouldn’t even be able to tell her face apart with the way the shadows swallowed it.
Dani frowned, looking at the top bunk over them as she lay on her back, one of her shoulders pressed to the cold wall as the other pressed onto Lara’s warm skin, laying beside her. “Why does it matter?” she responded quietly, scared that a guard might burst in there and kick their asses for speaking when they should be sleeping.
“Well, if it is…” she felt Lara’s body shifting by her side, the girl moving to lay on her side, supporting her head on her hand as her eyes were now on Dani. “…it’s your first week-a-versary in Phantom Ridge.” her voice was soft when she spoke so quietly like that, a lazy smirk stretching her lips.
Daniela couldn’t hold back the fit of chuckles she fell into when she heard Lara’s soft but excited tone, keeping her laughter as low as she could. “Week-a-versary?” she snorted when the dark skinned girl nodded. “That’s so stupid.”
Lara pouted a little and Dani couldn’t even believe this was the same girl that threatened her with a nail file to the neck on the first day because she asked her if she’d ever shut up. She rolled her eyes at her cellmate's drama. “You wound me, Daniela Abanz-ay-ni.”
The curly haired girl had to cover her mouth to muffle her genuine laugh this time around, “Holy shit, I think some of my ancestors just rolled in their graves.” she joked and Lara pushed her shoulder with a light roll of her eyes this time around, her smile small, as if the tiredness of the day suddenly made her softer. As if in the darkness of this room, Lara wasn’t the convicted felon, but rather just any other 20 year-old girl. The way she looked careless, even if it were for only those few minutes, and the way it made Dani almost forget she was in her personal hell for the same period of time, had her opening her mouth again. “Hey, can I ask you something?” she asked quietly, almost guarded, as if she were scared of crossing lines and accidentally waking Lara up from their tired bubble haze.
“Yeah, shoot me.” the younger said in a laid-back tone.
“That girl that you eat breakfast with sometimes, the one with pink hair.” Dani started and Lara hummed quietly.
“Megan?” she asked as if Dani would recognize her from the name, but the curly haired girl found herself nodding either way.
Then, she continued with a knot in her throat, afraid she might unleash the first-day Lara again. “Is she like…your girlfriend, or something?” she asked in a whisper, like she was scared Lara would actually hear it. She’d been wondering, though, if people could find love even in a place like this. Because, if they could find love in place like this, than the problem was probably Daniela, who couldn’t even find love in a world where she was rich and free.
Lara’s laugh cut her thoughts in half, making Dani look at her with a confused frown. “You think Megan’s my prison girlfriend?” she asked in disbelief.
Well, now Dani felt a little stupid for wondering in the first place. “Well, yeah? I don’t know, doesn’t that happen around here?”
“I mean, it does. But like not to me. Nah, that’s not my thing.” the taller said before her face turned into consideration and she nodded to herself. “But her head’s amazing, though.”
Dani’s eyes widened at that, she turned her face to Lara fully this time around, completely taken aback by the statement. Surely, she’d heard it wrong, or just misunderstood the way that sentence was worded. “What?”
“What?” Lara smiled innocently, leaving her cellmate to frown.
“Did you just say— How would you even know—“ she hated the way she tripped over her words as she tried to keep it down, Dani was suddenly thankful for the darkness in the room, that meant Lara wouldn’t notice the way her face was probably bright red right now.
Raj gave her a strange look, “Because I’ve tried it? Duh.” she said it like it was something people did on the daily, like it was kissing your partner or hugging a friend.
Dani frowned, confusedly. “Isn’t that like super gross?”
“No? It’s like heaven, what—“ Lara pushed herself up against the ‘mattress’ —Daniela would still refuse to call it that— her face was more genuinely confused than pissed off, she thought for a little bit before speaking once again. “Wait, don’t you have a boyfriend out there?” the indian girl asked, her eyebrows pulled together and her head slightly tilted to the side, as if she were solving an enigma.
Dani nodded. “Yeah.”
“And he’s never…?” she left it hanging in the air like she worried Dani might get offended with her talking about it out loud, but Lara did raise her eyebrows in a suggestive manner without breaking the confused gaze.
“No.” Avanzini answered like it was obvious. Because to her, it was. Lara looked at her as if that was insanity, though, as if Daniela had been living without breathing this entire time. She looked at her as if never having gotten head was like never having eaten ice cream, or never having gone to the movies. Dani shrugged at her reaction, genuine confusion on her features. “I mean— it’s come up but he shot it down straight up, and said that it was disgusting and no one did that except lesbos.”
Lara flinched a little before speaking. “Okay, first off, don’t say that word, it’s borderline offensive, got it?” she widened her eyes slightly and nodded at the seriousness in her cellmate’s tone. “And second off, that guy is a fucking asshole. I swear to God, getting head is like top 3 sexual experiences in life.” Dani chuckled at the dramatic tone of her voice and the way her eyes widened when talking about it, like she was on the outside of the greatest inside joke ever. She kind of admired sleep-drunk Lara and her honesty. “And look at you, you’re totally a catch! Daniela, you’re so hot, you deserve a man that can eat you out and not be a fucking bitch about it.”
The curly haired girl laughed once more, disguising the way her cheeks burned up at the sudden compliment. “It’s fine. I’m not even sure I’d enjoy it.” she decided to add, hiding the implied ‘I’m not sure he’d be any good at it’ in her sentence.
She felt Lara shift by her side again, this time laying with her stomach to the mattress, supporting her weight on both elbows to keep herself up and looking at Dani. She couldn’t see all of her face with the lack of light in the room, but she could see her features faintly, the bridge of her nose, the deepness of her eyes, the arch of her lips. It all sort of entranced her. She was so lost in what this conversation had turned into that she barely even registered it when Lara spoke quietly, “Do you…wanna try?” her voice was so small that Dani was almost sure she’d been dreaming when she heard it.
Still, she nodded. She’d just blame it on the lack of sleep tomorrow.
If Lara was at all surprised by her answer, quiet and collected like she didn’t have the guts to ask for it aloud, she definitely didn’t show it. She wasn’t taken aback, she didn’t widen her eyes. She just nodded back, shifting under their thin blankets, and Daniela swallowed harshly, her breath faltering when she felt Lara’s nose graze the side of her neck. She didn’t jump right in, to Dani’s surprise, the girl hesitated before kissing her neck. It was soft at first, softer than she’d expected, quick kisses peppered against the sides of her neck and along her throat. But they turned open mouthed in no more than ten seconds, kisses turning into light, teasing biting that made Dani’s lips fall open with heavy sighs slipping every now and then.
Her head felt lighter, thighs pressing together, she didn’t even remember the last time she’d done anything remotely sexual. And she wasn’t entirely sure it had been with Logan.
Lara’s kisses trailed down as she did, trying her best to move as little as she could, attempting to keep the creaking of the bed at a minimal. If it was working or not, Dani wouldn’t be able to tell, her mind was becoming hazy simply from the hot kisses pressed against her skin. Suddenly the night didn't feel as cold. The brown skinned girl tugged the hem of her beige prison uniform shirt up —yes, she’d finally gotten rid of that horrendous orange—, not completely taking it off, just lifting it up enough to give her full access to her abs, where she kept the same rhythm she started with on her neck, the kisses and the nips were driving Daniela crazy. Crazier than Logan ever did. She told herself it was because she hadn’t gotten any action in weeks.
She knew it wasn’t, deep down.
She felt the kisses stop when Lara’s lips reached the waistband of her uniform pants. Lara looked up, but she didn’t say anything, Dani knew she wouldn’t, it was like sleeping together for warmth, it didn’t mean anything and they surely didn’t need to talk about it. No words were said, a nod of her head was enough for Lara to understand exactly what she wanted, what she was consenting to.
Daniela still felt her throat tighten and her skin rise up in goosebumps when she realized what was about to happen. She was giving in. She’d been in prison for a single week, and she was giving in. Proving her boyfriend’s accusations and suspicions. Proving he was right to be concerned about cheating, about her infidelity. But it didn’t count, right? It was with a girl, and she was straight, so it didn’t count.
She kept repeating that to herself as she let Lara dive into every bit of her, hands clutching at her thighs from the outside, keeping them spread open for easier access, and the way she did everything, the way she moved her tongue with millimetric precision, it was like she’d been inside Dani already. It was like she already knew exactly what she liked before Dani did. The way she traveled her hand up her stomach every time she dug in deeper, drowning herself in her, the way she hummed against her, sparking up shivers through Daniela’s entire body, she didn’t even realize before her hand was buried deep in the dark locks of Lara’s hair, pulling at it as she attempted to keep her hips grounded. “Fuck…Lara…” Dani didn’t even care if talking might ruin the mood or wake Lara up from whatever haze she was stuck in that night, she felt too good to keep it to herself.
She didn’t, though. Instead, Lara pulled away for only half a second, simply to mutter something like, “Keep going, I like hearing you.” and it made Dani melt completely.
She’d done stuff before. With Logan, and with other people. But never had she ever felt this praised, this worshipped during a moment as intimate as this one. Lara moved her tongue like she was doing everything in her power to make Daniela feel as pleased as she could, like her only concern was making Daniela squirm and making her feel good. She suddenly understood why Logan never wanted to do that. Because, every time they had sex, it was all about him, about when he came, about how he felt. And, Dani realized, Lara made this moment entirely about her. Not about herself or about how good she was at this, but about Dani, and about how Dani felt with everything that she was doing.
So, she made sure to show her just how much she was enjoying herself. She moved along, keeping a slow pace, she made small noises at the back of her throat, trying to keep it loud enough for Lara to hear her, but not enough for any guards outside to overhear, to intrude in a moment that was theirs and no one else's. She let her shoulders relax and, for a moment, as Lara took her over the edge, knocking the wind out of her lungs, Daniela forgot everything, her mind went completely blank. Suddenly she was no longer in prison, she wasn’t a criminal, she wasn’t Lara’s cellmate. She was just present.
And if it was the best orgasm she’d ever had in her life? Well, that was between herself and whoever’s reading.
Dani stumbled outside of the bar, her angry footsteps echoing in the quiet of the night. It was late, the streets were mostly empty in that part of town. Rich people liked having their fun behind walls, hiding their profanities under silky curtains and money talk. Daniela was much like them, she never even dared denying it. She hid all of her issues under her shiny curls and even shinier smiles, always careful not to blow the perfect image her family had built for her throughout all these years. She showed up to dinner parties in the most exuberant dresses, Logan by her side in tailored suits, not a strand of hair out of place.
It was sort of ironic.
If somebody saw them now, stumbling out of a downtown bar, yelling at each other like they’d never even loved each other to begin with, they would’ve been shocked. They would’ve been dragging their families all over the news, protesting against the way they held a facade to appeal to richer, more influential families. Whatever, as if nobody knew the entire Avanzini family and their perfect record was just some big act. As if nobody knew her father was never home, always traveling in search of bigger, more expensive contracts. As if nobody knew her mother's life was based on her rich friends and late brunch in fancy restaurants. As if nobody knew the way Daniela cringed every time a photographer yelled 'stand a little closer!' to her and Logan whenever she'd attend those big charity dinner parties her parents were so serious about. Business is business, that was what Daniela had always been told, and it must be what all the other children hear as well.
“C’mon, Daniela, will you quit it?!” Logan’s voice echoed through the empty street as she darted across it, Dani’s car standing out among the few others parked there. The fiery red Mustang looking out of place amongst the lower class vehicles.
“Why don’t you go back to Linda and leave me the fuck alone?!” her voice was loud and drunk, drunker than he was. She stumbled towards her car, crossing the street almost in a zigzag jog, her heels clinking over the pavement, her vision doubled from the amount of alcohol she’d consumed, or rather been forced to consume, throughout the night. Dani didn’t care about Linda, or whatever her name was, she only cared about getting some space from Logan and his insufferable Whiskey breath, the seven drinks in her system were helping out a little bit in getting her point across.
Logan speed up his pace to reach her across the street, he grabbed her wrist more harshly than intended, keeping her from reaching her car. “That’s rich coming from you, Daniela.” the boy’s voice was deep now, filled with resentment, as if he too had been holding back words at the back of his throat, his venom waiting to spill in the right opportunity. “Remind me, again, who fucked her best friend behind her boyfriend’s back, huh?” he said it like he’d been waiting for the right time to use that against her, and he’d just found it.
Despite the large knot forming in her throat, Daniela rolled her eyes at him. “Don’t start.”
“Don’t start?! You fucking cheated on me!” he raised his voice so loudly that his words came out raspy and his spit reached her face, making the girl grimace as she wiped it away from her cheekbone. “Do you even realize how fucking stupid you made me look?! You fucking cheated on me with a fucking girl, Daniela!” Logan’s eyes watered as he screamed, she just wasn’t sure if it was because of all the yelling or the memory of him finding out about what Dani and Manon had been up to a few months prior to that. Her stomach dropped lightly, but she disguised it with a scoff.
“Yeah, with a girl. That literally doesn’t count, Logan, you know I don’t even like girls.” she excused, keeping up her nonchalant facade when, in reality, all she wanted to do was curl up in bed and die in peace. Or at least sleep enough to forget this nightmare of a night.
His eyes turned sharp despite the hurt in them, Logan cornered her against the car, both of his hands on the windows to make it difficult for her to get away. Dani swallowed harshly, her mouth suddenly going dry and heartbeat fastening under his drunken, angry gaze. “Right, so you’re just a fucking slut? Giving it up to whoever even when you don’t even like them?” his dark eyes settled on her predatorily. “You’re not fooling anyone, Daniela. I know what you are.”
The curly haired girl swallowed down her will to puke in his face, the alcohol making her head spin along with the nervousness taking over her entire body. “And what’s that?” she challenged with little to no confidence in her tone.
“You’re a fake.” Logan kept his tone low now, not breaking eye contact in any moment. His voice was almost threatening, like the fact that he knew who she was aside from the facade she put up was some sort of blackmailing material. “You think you’re so fucking special, you think everyone loves you and everyone wants to be around you when, really, they all run from you. Because your life is just one big, fat lie. Because you’re an annoying, uptight, boring little bitch, Daniela, and no one can stand you for more than a day.” she felt her chin tremble slightly at the way his tone was the most honest she’d ever heard him be. He didn’t sound that sure even he said he loved her. “Where’s Manon now, huh? Where is she, Dani?” the question was rhetorical, the girl adverting her gaze to the floor as her tears overflowed without even a blink of her eyes. “She ran. Just like everyone does. Because aside from your daddy’s money and a great ass, you’re fucking nothing. You don’t have a personality, you’re as futile as one gets.” Logan pulled back after he realized the words landed right where he meant for them to do so. Daniela’s breathing faltered as she sniffled, refusing to reach up and wipe her tears or even sob in front of him. She wouldn’t give him that satisfaction. He smirked as he backed away without turning around, tumbling slightly on his feet. “And you’re a fucking dyke.”
As soon as he turned around, she pushed herself off the car with a small sob and made her way around it. Her vision had already been halfway gone because of the alcohol, now her tears were getting in the way as she sat on the driver’s seat and turned the engine on. Biggest mistake number two.
Dani scraped the rest of her eggs from her tray as she saw Lara approaching, rounding the tables in the cafeteria with her cooking apron half untied, hanging around her waist. The curly haired girl chuckled at the sight, “Look at you all chef’d up.” she teased, earning a glare from the other girl, who was now sitting opposite to her with her tray full.
“Laforteza’s in the infirmary, for a change. I can’t deal with those dumbasses alone.” Lara groaned as she took a bite of her toast. “See? This is a fucking disaster.” she grimaced at the raw bread that she was served, trying to add eggs onto it to make the taste a little less unbearable.
They didn’t talk about what happened two nights ago. And they surely didn’t talk about how it happened again last night. Not that Daniela was complaining, she’d found out Lara had not been exaggerating at all when she told her how getting head was one of the best experiences someone could have. She was afraid she was becoming a little bit addicted to Lara and everything she did with her mouth. Maybe she didn’t want to get that bed assignment after all, the thought of losing the warm nights and the other benefits sharing a cell alone with Lara gave her didn’t appeal to her at all. She was just trying to make the best of it before she had to sleep with everyone else.
Whatever, it wasn’t romantic or anything. It was just…something that kept happening, and Dani wasn’t going to be the one to stop it.
“Oh! Guess what I heard.” Raj spoke again after washing down the terribly dry rice with some orange juice of the worst quality.
Daniela couldn’t hold back her grin because of course Lara had some kind of tea to tell her this early in the morning. She made a gesture for the girl to go on as she finished the rest of that excuse of a juice. “Remember what I said about Laforteza’s sister?” her cellmate started, making Dani nod along, remembering the whole talk they had about how this woman’s family had apparently been breaking records when it came to jail sentences in Phantom Ridge. “I heard she’s getting sent in today, and the worst of all? She’s getting a transfer! She’s coming in straight from Juvie. How crazy is that?”
Daniela frowned at that information. Throughout the last week, she’d been agonizing over the need to get to know this girl, to know why the fuck she was in here, why her sentence was so long or just how long it was, why her family was seemingly Phantom Ridge’s most faithful client. But there was no opening. Laforteza walked surrounded, it was like she had her own personal prison entourage. Not only that, but she was too intimidating for Dani to actually man up and talk to her, always giving her those sharp glares that showed her how she was disgusted by her, something Dani used to send to people like the ones she now saw everyday.
She couldn’t say she was used to it already. Being used to being around people from the same class as her, who dressed up like her, who took care of their skin and made sure to always look pretty like her, it was safe to say being surrounded by so many…different people kept playing tricks in Dani’s mind. Because Lara was so much like her in so many ways, she almost forgot people here weren’t. She was sure some of these women didn’t even shower from how bad they smelled when they passed by. She kept that to herself, though, she knew Lara came from a different background than she did, based on the glares she’d received over a few comments she made to her. Dani decided to keep her mouth shut whenever any of those thoughts passed her by.
“I’m pretty sure one of us is getting a bed assignment today if she gets thrown into our cell.” Lara added, pulling Daniela out of her thread of thoughts only for her to frown at the girl’s words. Damn it. “Don’t look so disappointed, you’ll survive without me.” the brown skinned girl chuckled when her eyes landed on Dani’s let down expression. “The beds are way warmer than those cells, and the blankets are little better too. You won’t need all my body heat to keep you warm during the night.” her tone was light and joking, like she too was aware that they hadn’t been addressing their late nights activities ever since they started. Dani didn’t give her a reaction, though.
Because that wasn’t her only concern.
Yeah, losing the warmth and…other benefits would definitely suck, but Dani wasn’t just worried about that. Because for the last eight days, she’d been living in a bubble. She only interacted with Lara, she didn’t go to the yard on her free time, just stayed inside her cell where no one would disturb her and no one was even aware she existed. Moving to the beds meant sleeping with 40 other women. 40 other criminals. It meant bursting her Lara bubble. She’d have to share a cubicle with somebody else, and she’d have to share a room with many others. Daniela was scared that moving into the beds would mean these women would start realizing she exists. They’d start perceiving her as the easy target she is.
“Dani, hey.” when she snapped back into reality, Lara’s tray was already empty, the juice box completely drained out of it’s contents and thrown over the dirty tray. “You good?” Lara asked in a non-intimate tone, but in one that showed her she was all ears in case she wanted to talk. But Lara was still a criminal and not her roommate from the college dorms, realizing this bubble could blow up at any second reminded Daniela clearly of that.
She had no idea who she was sharing cells with.
She didn’t know Lara at all.
But then again, Lara didn’t know her either, not really.
She didn’t even know what Dani did to be in here.
“Yeah, why?” she said with a shake of her head, as if doing that would be enough to clear her mind.
“I don’t know, I feel like I’ve said three thousand words since I sat here and you said like five.” Lara pushed herself up with her tray in hand, Dani doing the same as they walked side by side to the discarding place.
“I’m good.” Avanzini lied through her teeth, luckily Lara didn’t know her enough to know she was lying to her face.
The Indian girl only shrugged after throwing her juice box in the trash, “I gotta get onto the dishes. See you later for Mini Laforteza’s big entrance?” she joked, they didn’t even know if Laforteza’s sister really was staying in their cell. Despite that, Dani chuckled and nodded, going the opposite way to face the kilometric bathroom line and see if she could still get some of the hot water.
She didn’t get any hot water.
Daniela found out she and Lara slept in a little that morning, because despite not being as crowded as it usually was, the bathroom had been utterly disgusting. Like the entire prison had already gone through it and left it nothing short of a mess, she felt bad for whatever inmate would need to clean that up later. The rest of her day ran like any other, after laundry room work —which earned her almost nothing— she took the free time to do what she usually did, rot in her cell’s uncomfortably stiff bed, craning her back just for the hell of it.
Maybe she was enjoying it while it lasted, knowing that this could be her last day in there before going to the communal beds.
A shiver ran down her spine as she thought about sleeping in that big ass room with some big ass criminals. Maybe she should’ve quit drinking when her father told her to, then she wouldn’t be in this situation.
Daniela had spent the entire day on alert, with her throat feeling bottled, tied up in a knot that wasn’t enough to kill her, just enough to take her air gradually. She’d always been very sensitive. In a way that her gut always told her something bad was about to happen, her instinct had always been right. And today, her alarms were going off. They’d been ever since Lara told her about Laforteza’s sister arrival. She didn’t have a good feeling about it at all.
“Is she here already? Did I miss it?!” Lara jumped into the room like she was missing the show of the year, slightly breathless, probably from speed walking since they weren’t allowed to run indoors, the guards claimed it looked like it caused ‘commotion’ when a bunch of inmates started running around.
Dani chuckled, moving to sit on the bed and give Lara space to throw herself in the uncomfortable mattress by her side, keeping minimal to no distance between them. “Calm down, she’s not here.” she informed even though it was pretty obvious that she wasn’t. “Why are you so sure they’re putting her here, anyway?”
“We have longer sentences than anyone else in these cells, usually they put inmates with longer sentences in the beds when someone new comes in.” Lara explained, her body suddenly pressed flush against Daniela’s, the fabric of their uniforms being the only thing in between them. “How do you feel knowing last night was probably your last pre-bed head in this lifetime?” Lara smirked at her from where she lay close.
Dani widened her eyes upon realizing that, suddenly, they were talking about it. And from the way her cheeks suddenly felt warm, probably as red as a tomato, she figured maybe it was for the best that Lara hadn’t addressed it before. She pushed the girl playfully, not with nearly enough strength to separate their bodies in any way, Lara was still as close as she could be. Her eyes momentarily stopping on Dani’s lips before she eyed the base of her neck, where her uniform’s shirt was slightly pulled down. “At least you won’t be getting these anymore.” she poked at the fading hickey Lara herself left two nights ago, making Dani squirm under the sting, she just couldn’t decide if it was from pain or something else.
“Don’t even mention it. It took me hours to settle with the fact that this is prison and nobody actually cares if it's visible.” Dani sighed to herself, remembering the way she’d freaked out in the morning after, remember she didn’t have any foundation to cover that up.
“Girl, they be walking around with stab wounds here.” Raj answered, smirking as she bent her head, brushing the tip of her nose on the greenish bruise at the base of Dani’s neck, making the girl tilt her head to the side to allow more space unconsciously. “Woah, desperate much?” she let out a small chuckle against her skin, making the older girl shift her position to press her thighs together. She must be ovulating or something.
“Shut the fuck up.” the lack of any real bite in her tone was explicit by the way her voice came out breathy, and the way Dani shifted closer, close enough to coax one of Lara’s legs between her own. She understood the assignment rather quickly, pushing her knee upwards to press against her center. Dani let out a long sigh, very aware that it was daytime and the door to the cell was very much open for anyone to walk in and see them. Lara didn’t seem to mind that at all, her hand squeezing at Daniela’s waist, encouraging her movements against her leg as she sucked on her neck a couple times before smoothing it over with her tongue.
Daniela was so focused on everything she was feeling that she failed to notice a new presence in the room.
“Raj!” the guard was quick to aggressively pull Lara off of her as if they were in the middle of a knife fight. She noticed how he went for her first, instead of going for Daniela, the thought made her frown. Maybe she just had a violent record she wasn’t aware of. The man —who was probably a good eight inches taller than Lara— pressed her against the wall, hand to her head, holding her harshly by her hair. “You trying to spend another week in solitary?!” he asked, his tone harsh as he pulled his baton and delivered one solitary blow to her ribs.
Dani's eyes widened at the sudden outburst, she hadn't really seen any of the guards being this violent towards the inmates until now. Yeah, they were rude and pushy sometimes, but she hadn't seen outright violence like she just witnessed a second ago, usually they'd just treat them like trash.
“Ah, the fuck?!” Raj screeched and Dani pushed herself off the bed, frowning half with indignation and half with fear, but she kept her distance, knowing she couldn't really fight a man that tall and that strong, especially when he had a firearm in his holster. “I wasn’t even doing anything!” she protested when he aggressively let go of her, the girl stumbling towards the ground. Dani didn’t even realize she was moving to help her get on her feet before she was already by the younger’s side, pulling her up by her hand. Lara groaned as she stood, a hand over the place she’d been assaulted at, before her eyes settled on the door, her painful gaze becoming curious.
Dani frowned and turned on her heels, expecting to see the Mini Laforteza, who’s arrival Lara had been obsessing over the last week. But when she turned, something else shook her breath away and stilled the moment into an agonizing slow motion. Lara knew everything about everyone, somehow. She had every bit of information, if a fight broke out, she was the first to know, if a guard went missing, Lara surely had heard something about it, if somebody new was coming in, she probably already had that person’s entire criminal file pulled in her hands.
But, sometimes, she failed.
Only sometimes.
And this time was one of them.
Because Lara had failed to mention another inmate that was getting thrown in, just in the same day as Mini Laforteza was.
Daniela now understood the reason behind her terrible gut feeling the whole day. Why her throat had felt tied up, even more so than it usually had been —since she was still in prison, after all— over the last few hours. There standing in the doorway, beside a girl with dark long straight hair and asian features, who Daniela guessed was Laforteza’s sister, was somebody she never thought she’d see again. She looked older, like she’d grown in the last few months they hadn’t seen each other. Her hair, once curly and wild, was braided into multiple thin braids with loose curly edges, definitely too fancy-looking for prison. She stood there, looking as beautiful as she’d always been and as shocked as Daniela was right now.
“Manon?” the word slipped from her lips as a question, but it was supposed to be so much more. She couldn’t believe her eyes, though she could believe Manon’s drug dealing ass ended up in prison. She just didn’t think it’d be in the same as hers. The silence between them was loud, the room had quietened into a thick tense quiet that not even the guard dared to break, though he was too busy giving Lara and Dani dirty looks to even notice the staring contest happening between the two inmates.
Manon adverted her gaze and blinked once, twice, as if she too couldn’t believe her eyes. Dani wondered if she didn’t know what happened. “Dani? What the fuck are you doing here?!” her face scrunched into a grimace because she knew damn well this place was anything but Daniela’s scene, it was the last place on earth she’d get herself thrown into if she had the chance not to. Living in a community without any privileges, with so many lower class people, and having to wear that fashion-homicidal uniform? Manon probably figured this was the definition of Daniela's personal hell.
Because it kinda was.
Before she could even pull in the air to speak or respond anything at all to her former best friend's questioning, a sharp voice sounded from the hallway out the door. “Where the fuck is she?!” the words were followed by Laforteza’s sudden entrance, her face bruised, as always. And suddenly Lara and Daniela’s cell had turned into an all around chaos party. The brunette set eyes on the one girl Dani didn’t know in this room and she darted forward immediately, landing a sharp slap across her face before engulfing the younger girl in a tight hug. Dani turned to meet Lara’s wide eyed gaze, both of them wearing confused and shocked expressions as they attempted to communicate wordlessly.
The moment between the two sisters was as short as any moment in the last 10 minutes, though, because the guard finally remembered what he was supposed to be doing. “Okay, enough. This isn’t love island.” he pulled the older Laforteza by the back of her uniform, not nearly as aggressive as he’d been toward Lara, Dani noticed. “Laforteza, go back to the infirmary before I get ten more years added to your sentence.” the girl was not at all fazed by the threat, but she complied, sending Daniela a sharp look before she backed away and out of the cell. What the fuck was her problem? She wondered as the guy spoke up once again. “Raj, Avanzini, you’re getting your bed numbers assigned. 469 and 301 are taking this cell from now on. Follow me.”
Dani sighed, moving to grab her uniforms and the rest of her stuff —which, in all honesty, wasn’t much— and follow the man out of the room, but not without turning to meet Manon’s eyes one more time. “I need to talk to you later.” she pointed at Daniela as if that was a threat, something she couldn’t escape. The curly haired girl just swallowed the knot in her throat and nodded before falling into step with Lara behind the guard.
“Who’s that? Your ex-girlfriend?” Lara teased with her voice low, carrying her stuff in her arms and moving like she’d done this far too many times. Like she’d been in the solitary and came back far too many times. Dani didn’t answer, she chose to keep her head down, not looking at the inmates who spared her the usual disgusted glances when she passed by. She wasn’t just Dani’s ex best friend, she was a piece of her past. She was a piece of the paradise Dani once had in her hands, a piece of the normal life she never treasured before she had it ripped away from her. They slowed in front of a door with a see-through glass, the guard opening it and not even bothering going in, just nodding his head at Lara for her to move. “Charming, thanks for the chat. See you at dinner, pretty girl.” she shot a wink Dani’s way before entering the dorm, the door closing behind her and leaving Daniela alone with that guard.
The walk between Lara’s dorm to her own was no longer than 5 minutes, but to Dani, it felt like an eternity. “You must be in your dorm by nine p.m, any time later than that is considered a violation of the penitentiary’s rules. You are not allowed to leave during the night, and yes, we will know if you try to sneak around, so don’t test your luck, pretty girl. You clearly weren’t made for a place like this.” Daniela felt chills go up her spine at the last sentence, and she hated the way that nickname sounded when it came out of his mouth, definitely not nearly as charming as it did when Lara said it.
He opened a door identical to the one Lara had been pushed into, the only difference being the sign by it reading “Dorm B” as Lara’s read “Dorm C”. She wondered what classified each dorm. Were they divided by their crimes? By their age? Wait, that couldn’t be, if they were then Lara and herself would’ve ended up in the same one. Differently from before, the guard entered the dorm this time, Daniela following him as he led her to her bed. The beds were divided in squares, each had two beds inside and walls that only went up to her waist. Each one had a pair of women Daniela wouldn’t dream of seeing in her neighborhood.
Hers was the furthest from the door, all the way in the back corner. Daniela froze when she stopped by the entrance of her square. There, half laying and half sitting with her back to the wall, eyes on a book that Dani didn’t recognize —not that she knew much about books— glasses perched at the very tip of her nose, was the girl who’s history had been agonizing Dani’s thoughts for the past week. “Laforteza.” the guard spoke, arms crossed like a mother scolding her child. “Thought I told you to go back to the infirmary.” he said, his tone serious and harsh. Daniela made a mental note of not pissing this guy off.
“I feel fine.” it was probably the first time she’d heard the woman’s voice from up close like that, so clearly now with the only other sound in the room being the light chatter between inmates. It was softer than she’d anticipated, but it somehow still suited her better than whatever Dani had been imagining.
“Nurse Thompson said you might have internal bleeding.” the guard argued, his face still pulled into that overly serious scowl, like he hated his job and liked to make it everyone’s problem. It was obvious he couldn't care less if she did in fact have internal bleeding, he was probably only thinking about his monthly paycheck or something like that.
She noticed the guards variated around there. Some of them were less strict, some of them seemed to be there for a long time, seemed to know many familiar faces in this crowd, a few of them seemed new, hesitating in their moves and their words, like they didn’t know how to portray themselves against literal criminals. The head ones were the worse ones, Dani realized, guys like the one she was standing by in that moment. They had little patience, favoritism and they were violent, more so than the others.
“Great, then I’ll be dead in a few days and you won’t have to worry about my sorry ass anymore.” her tone was bored, like the prospect of dying was more a gift than it was a debt. The guard huffed, unsatisfied with the way Laforteza barely paid his orders any mind, he grabbed Dani by her upper arm and pushed her into the square, making the girl stumble forward and the older woman look up from her book.
“Meet your new square mate until you get thrown in the solitary again.” the man stomped away, his words sounding off like a promise that he’d get her in the solitary soon. It made Daniela’s stomach curl up. She watched as he moved to the little room with a glass window that allowed the guards a view of their entire dorm.
Dani moved quietly, setting her things down on the one empty bed in the square, the one by the building's wall on the right. She hadn’t been expecting Laforteza to make any conversation and, based on the dirty looks she’d been receiving from the taller girl lately, she thought it smart for her to keep quiet and just do what she was here to do. If she behaved, kept herself out of trouble and just served her sentence, she might even get an appeal of her case and lose a few years in the verdict. So, she made her bed quietly, setting the thin pillow on the far topside of the bed, realizing Lara had been right, there was a thicker blanket set upon this bed. She folded her uniforms and tucked them away on the single drawer under the single bedside ‘furniture’ she’d been allowed, placing the things she’d bought with the little money she made —shampoo, conditioner, her toothbrush and so on— on top of the table. She still hadn’t bought things for her own entertainment, but she heard there were a few in the small store inside the penitentiary.
“Careful with that guy.” she heard the voice before she assimilated it, turning around with a frown, just to check if Laforteza was for sure directing her words to her and not somebody on the other side of the small wall that separated their squares. “Duckstein sure likes using his baton.” was the only thing she said, sending Dani a look that she couldn’t read even if she was fluent in every single language in the world.
She wasn’t sure why this warning was directed at her. She hadn’t done anything wrong. Still, she cleared her throat, swallowing the thousands of questions she had about this girl. “Right.” and that was the end of their interaction. Dani had something else to do anyway, she had someone else to find. A familiar face among so many she could never recognize or call friends.
Daniela stepped on the gas as if it’d offended her. As if the pedal was the one that said all those things about her. Her head was swarming with thoughts, thoughts about that night, about Logan, about Manon, about the harsh words that had been directed at her.
Did everyone think like that?
Surely not, right? If she was so terrible, why did so many people hang around her? Well, technically she only had superficial relationships with everyone in her life. Everyone except Manon. But God knows if that was still there. The call on this night was the first time Manon had tried contacting her in almost five months, and she hadn’t even answered. She wasn’t even sure why she hadn’t. Maybe she was trying to give Manon a little taste of her own medicine, leaving her on read, not answering her calls.
But there was a part of her that longed for that closeness again.
Now, don’t get her wrong.
Daniela was pretty sure she was straight. She’d been her entire life. She’d been raised straight, her parents’ dreams were that one day she’d marry a rich, charming boy that they would make the next business royalty status for their family when eventually Daniela ended up with their family’s entire inheritance, being an only child. And she was okay with living her parents’ dreams. She never thought anything about girls, and when she did, they were the cursing and petty thoughts about those who tried to be like her in High School. Her copycats.
So, yeah, she was 100% sure she was straight.
Until Manon came along.
They met on the Senior year of High School, Dani had been with Logan for about two months when they did. At first, they’d been just friends. Then, they became best friends. Manon became Daniela’s number 1 priority at any time of the day. She’d ditch classes to hang out with her in the school’s backyard, she’d ditch family dinners because Manon’s family was ordering take out and guess who they invited? She’d even ditch dates with Logan because Manon wasn’t feeling well and she needed some company.
She started noticing it when they were close to graduating. The way Manon’s eyes would linger on her lips when she spoke, the way her touches would last a few seconds more every time they came close, the way Manon would also ditch anything to be with her. And Dani didn’t really think anything of it, despite Logan’s insistent warnings. ‘Don’t you think you guys spend too much time together?’, ‘It’s kind of weird that she’s eighteen and doesn’t have a boyfriend, right?’, he insisted every time she mentioned Manon, but Daniela shrugged it off.
Until Sophomore year of college. She and Manon both went to Princeton —and if Dani changed her college option just to be close to Manon, that was her business and nobody else’s— while Logan went off to some other college close to theirs that she hadn’t even bothered with memorizing the name. Without him lurking all the time, Manon felt a lot more comfortable in being affectionate towards her. Dani always chalked it up as her being an affectionate friend, and she always buried the butterflies in her stomach when she pressed a little too close, when her eyes stared a little too long, when she looked a little too gorgeous under the spotlight of some frat house’s basement.
Until they kissed.
When they did, it felt like Daniela’s whole world fell apart. Not because she didn’t like it, but because she did. It happened at a frat party once. Then twice. And then it started happening outside of the parties, in their dorm rooms, without any alcohol haze to blame. Before Daniela even realized, she’d been cheating on Logan for an entire year. Well, technically she wasn’t cheating, since Manon was a girl and she liked boys. She just liked boys. And Manon.
She was the exception.
Every rule had one, right?
Dani would always call it a way to strengthen their friendship in her head, that it was anything but romantic. But still, she never told him. She never told Logan how sometimes she’d say she had a headache and couldn’t stop by at his dorm that night when really, she had half her clothes off and was laying in Manon’s bed while she kissed her entire body. She never told him how sometimes she even forgot she was dating him and not Manon. It wasn’t fair to blame her when Manon treated Dani so much better than he ever did.
She hadn’t planned on him finding out, but it was her own fault that he did.
Dani felt her stomach curl up as she stepped deeper into the pedal, remembering that night five months ago.
She was with Logan in his dorm, and he was doing the usual. Though, her mind was somewhere else. As he kissed her neck, she could only think about how long it’d been since she last saw Manon —she’d been on a road trip with her sister for about a week—, as he thrusted into her, she could only think about how terrible it was compared to what Manon did to her when they were together.
Then it happened.
Logan always said he liked her to say his name when she came. It was probably a male ego thing.
Her head had been so messed up that night, her thoughts all blending within each other, she couldn’t really control it. She couldn't control her own mind. When he looked away, if she looked at him from a certain angle, his curls were almost like hers. She knew it wasn’t her, Manon would never be this careless with her. She was gentler, more patient, and she'd always have this one look in her eyes that Logan wouldn't be able to mimic even in his wildest dreams. Still, from time to time, Manon’s face slipped into her mind, and when Logan looked up, she could almost see her there.
And when she came, she definitely said a name.
It just wasn’t his name.
Obviously, the boy had been instantly offended. It sparked what had probably been the biggest fight Dani had with anyone in her life before. He yelled and then she yelled, then he cried and she cried, he threw things around, he threw things at her. Honestly, the noise was so loud that Dani got a noise complaint from one of the students in the near dorms and some worried messages asking her if she needed help getting out of an abusive relationship. Really, it wasn’t abusive, to an extent. And she sort of deserved it, after all, what she’d been doing could be considered cheating. Even if Dani didn’t really view it that way.
About a week after that, Manon went ghost and Logan returned like nothing happened. He never brought it up again and Dani surely wasn’t going to mention it. Not when she still had the small scar in her arm of when he threw that vase her mom gave her on her dorm’s wall and one of the pieces ended up cutting her skin. They didn’t fight again. At least not on that level, and not about that topic.
Not until tonight.
Not until he decided to throw everything in her face.
Who did he think he was?
Her face was a mess, she knew that much. Her mascara was probably gone, black streaks marking her cheeks as the tears washed it away. Her eyeliner was also probably ruined from how many times she’d rubbed her hands over her eyes, urging the tears to stop. She wanted to crash that car so badly. Dani kept swerving off the road, sometimes to the opposite lane, she surely would’ve gotten in an accident if there were any cars on the road in that moment. She wanted to hit something, to run someone over. No, actually, she just wanted to run one person over. Logan.
Maybe she could flip the car over. Cause a big commotion, a headline-worthy accident. 'Heir of one of the United State’s most influential family of tycoons dies in a tragic car accident after driving under the influence.’. Maybe she didn’t even want to die. She just wanted to prove to Logan that if she did, someone would care. That if she ended up in the hospital, Manon would be there, by her side, waiting until she woke up. Telling her sorry for disappearing.
She’d be there, right?
She’d care, wouldn’t she?
Dani flew away from her thoughts when she reached a red light ahead. But she didn’t stop. Why would she? Why would she, when she’d been looking for a way to crash this car that her daddy had bought with his money and given to her at her 16th birthday party for the last 10 minutes? The girl’s hazel eyes narrowed when she saw someone crossing the street.
A boy with dark curls. She thought it was Logan for a second. She stepped harder on the pedal. But as the car neared the intersection, she realized it wasn’t. It wasn’t him, it was someone else. Daniela drew in a sharp, desperate breath, cursing under it and stepping on the break almost immediately. But it was too late, the car had been too fast, so fast that she could almost hear the tires screeching over the sudden urge to stop. The sound was the most gruesome one she’d hear in her entire life. Daniela was thankful her car rolled over once and she hit her head hard on the window’s glass. Maybe that’d erase this tragedy of a night from her mind.
They had about an hour of free time after dinner before the curfew. Daniela was still getting used to how early they served meals around there, it was barely even night when the cafeteria opened for dinner. She let Manon sit with her, considering Lara had her hands full in the kitchen. Also, it was Manon’s first night and she wasn’t so heartless as to leave the girl all alone when they could be sitting together.
They did silently agreed on not addressing everything they needed to with so many people around.
Which led them to this moment.
Manon followed Dani into what —according to Lara— was the emptiest spot in the prison at this hour. The library. Daniela herself had never gone in there, she actually didn’t even realize prisons had libraries. She wondered if it was ever packed. Did these people even know how to read? Whatever, that didn’t really matter.
The curly haired girl walked through the open door —none of the doors to any rooms remained closed during the day— glancing around only to conclude that Lara had been right, there was not a single soul in the room. It was larger that she’d expected it to be, there were multiple shelves on the walls and in the middle of the room, all filled with poorly taken care of books. Most of them were in one piece, but their covers were old, some of them had scribbles and obscenities written over them. The shelves were also filled with signatures, some in pen, others were carved in with sharper objects.
She could feel Manon’s tension from a mile away, even if she was just a few steps behind her. She hated how she still had her mannerisms memorized, the way she picked on the corners of her nails when she was nervous, the way she shrunk into herself whenever she was in a new place with people she didn’t recognize. She probably didn’t even recognize Dani anymore. At least it looked like it from the way her eyes kept settling upon her like she was someone that Manon only used to know.
That thought tore her heart in half.
They avoided the tables and made a beeline for the last corridor of books, the one between a shelve and the wall of the building. Dani sat on the floor, cursing in her mind at how cold and dirty it was. Did this prison not know anything about carpets? Manon sat down by her side, sighing loudly as if the day itself had already been too much for her to handle, and now she had to deal with Daniela.
“What are you doing here?” Dani asked after a couple seconds of silence where her former best friend just kept staring around them, like she was letting her reality sink in. She asked even though she was pretty sure she knew the answer to that question.
“C’mon, Dani, you knew this was gonna happen.” her tone was light, but tired. Manon shifted on the floor, her back now fully resting against the shelve-wall. “Turns out selling drugs to high schoolers can get you some time in prison.” she joked without any real humor behind her words. Dani could see it in her eyes, the dying spark. She felt much like she did. Like she didn’t belong here. Like everyone here was just completely different than anybody they’d be around back home. “You called it.”
Dani didn’t humor her attempts at lightening the mood, though. She only eyed her with that quiet desperation she always held when it came to Manon, she guessed some things never changed. “How long are you here for?” her voice trembled slightly. What if Manon was only here for a few months? What if her sentence wasn’t nearly as long as Daniela’s? What would she do when she left her again?
If Manon noticed the small hint of hope in Dani’s voice, she never acted on it, she answered while looking at the ceiling instead. “Three years.” she had a sourness to her voice, as if three years might as well have been a life sentence. Fuck, Daniela would kill for her sentence to be that short. She chocked a little on the knot that formed in her throat. Obviously, their sentences wouldn’t be nearly equal considering Manon only sold some hardcore drugs to dumb teenagers and Dani…did what she did. She felt tears sting the corner of her eyes as it suddenly dropped on her. She’d be here for 10 years. She wouldn’t have Manon for 7 of those years. “Why? How long are you in here for?” Manon’s tone was concerned and it brought her back to when they were still as close as they could be.
It shrunk Dani’s heart a little, how her doe eyes were set on her face, waiting for an answer Dani didn’t want to give her. How was she supposed to tell Manon what happened without breaking down in the middle of a literal prison library? But Manon’s eyes were just so welcoming, heartwarming and unknown at the same time, that small frown on her face, the little wrinkle between her eyebrows, they all left Dani with a sinking feeling in her stomach. The feeling that Manon knew she wasn’t the same person she’d been when they last saw each other. “Ten.” Daniela mumbled quietly, like she hoped the other girl wouldn’t even hear her.
Though, she did. “Months?” Manon asked, scared of the answer. Daniela finally blinked, a few tears falling down as she shook her head negatively and sniffled, reaching one of her hands up to wipe them away. Manon seemed taken aback, straightening her posture and widening her eyes, her frown deepening considerably when she realized what that shake of her head meant. When she realized just how serious and delicate the situation was. “Daniela, what did you do?” her tone was low and serious, and it was what made her crumble completely, bringing both of her hands to her face.
“I didn’t mean to.” her voice was weak and cracking under the sobs and the wall her hands created between her face and the world. Between her and Manon. “I swear, Manz, I—“ she lost her words under another choked sobbing sound, coughing lightly as she did. “I was drunk, I don’t— I can’t even remember it.” Daniela broke down again when she felt those familiar arms wrapping around her, her former best friend bringing her close enough that Dani could hear how her heart was racing, how her hands trembled, probably from fear of finding out what she’d done. Fear of her. And Dani didn’t want to tell her. She didn’t, because then what if the only familiar face in this crowd started seeing her differently? What if she turned out to be even more alone than she’d be if Manon was on her side? She didn’t think she’d survive rejection once again. “I killed someone, Manz.” she finally said when they pulled away, she said it quick and weak, like pulling off an old bandaid.
Manon’s eyes tripled in size, she could see the way they suddenly glimmered under the poor lighting. It was like she didn’t want to believe it either. “A guy. No, it was…it was a boy. He was sixteen.” Dani had no idea how her words were coming out in that moment, her throat felt completely closed up with all of the unspilled tears, even if many of them were already making their show. The other girl stayed quiet as she spoke. “He was crossing the street and I was drunk, and—“ she sobbed, Manon covered her mouth with her hand in shock. “I ran him over. I was at ninety and he…he didn’t make it, Manon, he died on the spot.”
She felt sick. Not just from the look Manon was giving her, like she didn’t recognize her but she also kind of felt bad for her, but from finally really thinking about that night again. Thinking about how it’d happened. The fight, the accident. Her thoughts, swarmed with alcohol. Daniela had pled guilty on the court because they promised the sentence would be shorter, but honestly, how could she not? How could she look that judge in the eyes and say she was not guilty, in front of the parents of the boy who’s death she’d been responsible for? She knew she was. She knew Logan wasn’t responsible for this death, she was the only one responsible for it. And now, she was paying for it.
“Dani, what the fuck…” she saw a single tear slide down Manon’s angelic face, one she hadn’t even bothered with wiping away, she just let it linger, contrasting against her caramel skin.
“I can’t be here for ten years, Manon, I—“ her voice cracked, her eyes pleading as if the girl sitting beside her could do anything to prevent her from serving her sentence. “I don’t belong here. Everyone here looks at me like…I’m a piece of meat that they’re going to feed their dogs! I’m rooming with this super scary girl, I don’t know anyone here and everyone sees me as an easy target. How the fuck am I gonna survive in here when you go?” at this point, Dani didn’t even care that she was crying in prison. She was pretty sure she’d earned that right after everything.
“What about that girl? The one who was swallowing you up when I got here.” she recognized a Manon-styled attempt to lighten the mood when she saw one, and even with the hollow feeling in her chest, Dani sort of appreciated her for it. She pushed her shoulder with barely any strength, letting out a watery chuckle, her tears still falling down.
“Lara? She wasn’t— I’m not…” Dani started, but she quietened under Manon’s knowing look. “She’s a friend. Actually, not even that, she’s just my cellmate. Was just my cellmate.” she completed when she remembered she now shared a cubicle with Laforteza and her cold glances.
“Yeah, y’all seemed very friendly. What’s she in here for?” Manon wondered, now relaxing more against the book shelve, messing with the horrendous orange uniform that Dani had never felt more relieved in getting rid of. Yeah, wearing the beige did mean she was permanently here and that she was now one of them. But still no one looked good in that goddamn orange uniform, she was pretty sure a fashion stylist died every time someone put it on.
“No idea. She won’t tell me.” Dani shrugged, her voice still a little embargoed by the way she’d been sobbing mere seconds ago.
Manon frowned, slightly taken aback by the casualty with which Daniela had said those words. “So, you’ve just been having sex with a criminal who’s crime you have no idea about?” well, when she put it that way it did sound a little reckless and not very thought through. Not that Daniela had been giving much thought about anything she’d been doing with Lara lately. She’d just…do it.
Dani widened her eyes at the wording, “No! We haven’t been having sex.” she said those last words as if she were afraid anyone might overhear them. Although she doubted people would mind if she and Lara Raj were, in fact, having sex. They didn’t bat their eyes at the hickey she wore and they definitely didn’t care about other women doing semi-public sex in the bathrooms while everyone else was still in there. So, yeah, Dani had a feeling no one gave a fuck if she was getting eaten by Lara. It’s not like half this prison also wasn’t.
Manon gave her a look and then pointedly directed it at her neck, where the fading mark was still visible. “Right, so what’s that? Friendship strengthening?” she asked with a sassiness to her voice that made Daniela roll her eyes and push her shoulder again. “Only she’s not your friend, she’s a literal criminal.”
Dani swallowed before she answered. “So am I, and so are you. We’re literally in a prison.” she tried to mask the shaking of her voice and the weight of her words over a matter-of-factly tone, but judging by the look in Manon’s eyes, she didn’t sell it at all.
“You know that’s not true.” the brunette said, giving her a reprimanding look. “You know you’re not like everyone here. You killed by accident, you wouldn’t do it again if you had the chance. There are people here that kill for fun, Dani. This Lara girl could be one of them.”
A chill ran down her spine at that thought. The thought that she might’ve been sleeping next to a murderer, to a serial killer or worse. Well, now she was sleeping next to Laforteza, who couldn’t possibly be better than Lara, judged by the girl’s stories about her and the way she portrayed herself. Dani pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, biting at the skin there nervously as she fell into the rabbit hole that was her mind, blacking out once again. “I’m just saying like…you shouldn’t trust people here, Dani. Especially people you don’t know. This isn’t—“
“High School.” Daniela completely, her tone now neutral and serious. She knew their time before curfew was coming to an end. Their time before they both had to go sleep with the Laforteza’s, one in each place. “Yeah, I’ve been told.”
Sleeping in the beds was nothing like sleeping in the cell. Dani thought it must be some sort of psychological torture method to have her get familiarized with an environment just to switch up with no prior warning. That wide room was its own separate hell. Daniela figured she might’ve already been used to prison, after the last nine days or so, sleeping in the cell, eating that disgusting food every meal, working more than she should to earn less than she deserved. She couldn’t’ve been more wrong. She found out she’d been staying at the V.I.P section of Phantom Ridge. And if she’d been doing bad there, nothing could explain what she felt on that first night in the beds.
The room was brighter, with the guards watching bubble always having its lights on. The warmer blanket was about the only good thing about switching up the environment, although she much preferred Lara’s body warmth. She felt exposed in that wide room, like she had no idea when someone would creep up on her in her sleep, and do whatever they did to younger, richer girls in there. It was also less quiet than it had been in the cell. In the cell, the only sound to be heard were Lara’s soft breathing and the occasional screeching of the steel bed when they moved around. Not to count Daniela’s muffled moaning, but that had been more recent and less frequent. She found out muffled moaning pissed her off very much when she wasn’t the one on the receiving end of what produced those sounds. Some of these women snored. Loud. She could hear whispering and mumbling, incoherent talking that would keep her brain on alert.
But nothing kept her brain more on alert than the person laying a few feet beside her.
She felt much like she did on that first night with Lara after the tense threat, with every move she made, came a tug at Daniela’s stomach. Laforteza breathed a little louder, Dani's breathing stopped for a second. Laforteza adjusted her pillow, Dani’s brain immediately thought this was her doom. The difference was that Lara had carried that unserious way about her ever since their first interaction, maybe that was what made Dani rest her eyes for a few moments on that first night, plus all the exhaustion of the way there and her mental breakdown of being in a place like that. With Laforteza, it was completely different. Since the beginning, she’d portrayed herself as a dangerous person, and one that did not like Dani, let it be clear. The brunette had never given her anything but sharp glares and cold glances.
So, on that night, Dani didn’t blink her eyes. She stayed wide awake, curled into herself, really holding in her will to cry. She couldn’t, not when she was this exposed. She already had her moment with Manon earlier, that’d have to be enough for now. Dani wondered how the girl was doing back in the cell. Was she sleeping? Was she as scared as Dani was? Was she crying in bed? Was she afraid of Mini Laforteza? Dani hated that she couldn’t be there for her, that she had to stay shoved in this room full of people who she would never know, never understand, and who’d never understand her. But there was someone in this prison that understood her, that saw her, and she was out there in the dark, probably scared to death, sleeping in the cold. Avanzini felt a pull in her heartstrings.
The only thing that pulled her away from her concerned thoughts about her best friend was the subtle, almost imperceptible scratch of fabric against the floor. At first Dani thought she might be half asleep, she had no idea what time it was in there, probably 3 or 4 in the morning, her mind had always been really creative during nighttime. But after a couple more minutes of complete —or as complete as it could be in a place like that— silence, she was sure, someone had been crawling on the floor. Daniela felt her entire body freeze when she saw it. An inmate, a grown woman, she should be in her early 30s, with a short haircut that, in the lowlight, seemed much like she’d given herself. She wasn’t crawling, not exactly, she was pushing herself against the floor, keeping down as if to not alert anyone else in the room, especially not the guards.
Dani had been scared a few times in her life. That one time she thought her plane was going down on the way back from Italy. When she and Logan fought about Manon, she’d been scared of him, of what he’d do to her. When she heard the gruesome sound of a thud against the hood of her high-speeding car. When she heard the sound of the gavel, echoing loudly in the courtroom, sealing her fate. But she’d never been as scared as she was in that exact moment. Seeing that woman creep into her shared cubicle made Dani’s body immediately start shaking entirely, so much so that she thought maybe she might’ve been convulsing. She thought, for a moment that this was it. That this was the last time she’d be seen alive. That she’d become ‘Daniela Avanzini, the girl who got thrown in jail for Manslaughter and barely completed 0,5% of her sentence before getting brutally murdered by an inmate’.
The woman payed her no mind, though, she didn’t even seem to notice that Laforteza had a new cubicle roommate. No, she didn’t even notice Dani was even awake and very much looking at her, eyes wide and breath shaking, hands curled into firsts, pressing so hard that her nails dig into her skin until she was sure it drew blood. Instead, she made a beeline for Laforteza’s bedside steel table-drawer, where a plastic cup of water was set on the edge. Dani saw the woman switch her position on the floor, casting a look towards the brunette, who was still sleeping soundly, with her back turned to Dani, facing the wall.
Then, she saw it.
It was quick.
The woman reached into the pocket of her beige uniform, she pulled out a single pill. A solitary one, like she’d gotten it just for this reason, and she had only one chance. And she knew she’d succeed. The inmate slipped it into the cup and, in a second, she was creeping out of their cubicle the same way she came in, slipping through the shadows, unseen, like a ghost. Unseen by everyone, except Daniela.
She stayed awake for the rest of the night. But from that moment on, it wasn’t out of fear that Laforteza would wake up and butcher her in her sleep. It was out of a deeper feeling. A protectiveness, of sorts. She’d been worried the girl might wake up and take a sip of that water, she didn’t know what would happen to her if she did. Dani just knew she wouldn’t just lay there and let it happen. So, she stayed awake, her back facing the wall as she kept her eyes on the silent rise and fall of Laforteza’s back, her quiet breathing, the way she slept soundly as if she were sleeping in the clouds, and not in hell. Morning was nearing when she turned in her sleep, eyes still closed, her back was now facing the wall, her position similar to Dani’s. Just then did she really let the girl’s features sink in. Of course, she’d noticed Laforteza was pretty from the very moment she saw her out of that infirmary. But seeing her now, sleeping calmly, her eyes closed peacefully. Her face healing from all the bruises and cuts, her brows rid of that constant frown, the lack of a wrinkle between them. She looked angelic. She didn’t look like a criminal, she didn’t look like a threat. She looked straight out of a movie scene, of a magazine.
Daniela widened her eyes at her own thoughts, shifting in the bed to face the ceiling instead. Are you fucking crazy? This is a convicted felon! She thought to herself, digging her nails on the skin of her forearm under the beige fabric of her uniform. She spent the rest of dawn in that position, avoiding her cubicle mate’s face altogether, but still keeping her body in her peripheral vision, just to be make sure she wouldn’t wake up and drink whatever it was that woman put into her water.
Most of the room was awake by the time Laforteza stirred, sitting on the edge of her bed and rubbing her eyes with a yawn. Dani watched quietly from the corner where she’d been folding her blanket neatly and placing it over her mattress. Keeping her side of the cubicle neat was her own way of dealing with having to sleep in there for the next ten years of her life. Laforteza carried on with her morning, unaware of Dani’s eyes on her, half protecting half untrusting. Call it sisterhood her sudden wave of interest to keep this girl from being potentially poisoned to death. She kept fumbling with her blanket as Laforteza put away the book she’d been reading before bed last night and moved to pull open her own drawer, where she kept her uniforms. The girl pulled the white tank top she’d used for sleeping over her head, not minding the amount of exposure this very well lit room gave her. And Dani tried not to look, she really did. It was like her brain was sending the impulses to advert her gaze, look somewhere else, maybe get the hell out of there, but it got lost in communication. It got lost, because her hazel eyes traveled down slowly, setting on Laforteza’s toned abdomen, her arms’ muscles were surprisingly defined, the curve of her bicep was very clear without the sleeve of the uniform getting in the way. The uniform’s pants hung dangerously low at her hips, like they were a few sizes too big, but not enough to fall off. Over the waistband of her pants, the black ink of a tattoo peaked out close to her high hip, not enough that you could tell what it was, but just enough to leave you curious to find out.
She was so immersed in Laforteza’s sculpted form, in memorizing every inch of her skin, that she hadn’t even realized her face was entirely turned to her now, her staring not at all subtle. “The fuck you looking at?” the voice was sharp, directed towards her, making her snap out of her daydream. She looked up then to find the brunette’s eyes on her, that frown making its way back into her face as she pulled on the uniform’s shirt.
Dani’s breath hitched, her face going warm. “Sorry, I didn’t— I— Sorry.” she slapped herself mentally for stuttering and blushing as if she were in a romcom and not very much incarcerated in a prison, talking to a person that probably had more years in there ahead of her than Dani had left of her entire life.
The woman gave her a judging look, then she moved to grab the cup on her desk. Right. The cup. The woman that slipped something into her water last night. That’s why she was looking at her in the first place. Dani set her blanket down, stepping forward to the girl with her arm out in her direction. “Wait! Don’t drink that!” Laforteza looked at her as if she had a lot of nerve to even direct her words towards the taller. Dani thought maybe it was for the best that she never actually reached out to take the cup from her hands, maybe then she’d really be dead by now.
“Excuse me?” Laforteza raised her eyebrows.
Taking a deep breath in, Dani took a small step towards the girl, who just stood there looking at her with a scowl. “Last night, I— someone crawled into the square and slipped something in there. I don’t know what it is.” she figured telling the truth might be easier than whatever her brain could come up with on the spot. Dani had never been an excellent liar, when she was younger, Manon would do all the lying to their parents and teachers while Dani just stood off to the side, trying to hold in her laughter.
The brunette narrowed her eyes at her, then her scowl turned into an unimpressed look. “And I should believe that why exactly?” she tilted her head to the side, challenging. Daniela suddenly understood why this girl was always in the infirmary, it seemed like everything with her turned into confrontation. It was just her luck that Daniela was patient and had zero fighting skills, or else she would’ve ended up in the med yard once again, and Dani would've ended up with years added to her sentence.
“Seriously? I’m just trying to help you, why would I even lie about that?” the curly haired girl questioned. She figured there was reason for the girl not to trust her, considering the context in which they were in, she knew not everyone was as dumb as her to trust convicted inmates blindly like she had with Lara. Laforteza pressed her lips together in a line, as if considering her options, she gave Dani a long look from her head to her toes. Dani suddenly wished she was wearing something a little more flattering than the potato bag-like uniform they obligated her to. For no reason at all.
“Who was it, then?” Dani’s stomach curled a little. She had no idea who it was, it was dark, the woman’s face was indistinguishable in that lighting, not to count, Daniela had her eyes half closed, praying to not get caught watching whatever it was that she’d been plotting against her square mate. She couldn’t say that, though, if she said she had no clue who was attempting to kill Laforteza, the girl’s untrusting gaze would become threatening, she was sure of it.
So, Dani made an effort to look around. She knew nobody’s name, she didn’t pay close enough attention to learn everyone’s number unless it was told to her and even then, she had a hard time memorizing stuff. Her eyes roamed the room around them as the woman in front of Dani grew impatient, shifting her weight from one leg to the other, the cup still held in her hand, the tips of her fingers doing barely any effort to keep the cup in her hands as if she didn't care if it slipped away and spilled on the floor. Just as it seemed like Laforteza was about to cuss her out and drink the water either way, Dani saw her. The woman from last night, the broad shoulders, the shaggy, poorly done pixie haircut. It couldn’t’ve been anybody else, it had to be her. She adverted her gaze back to her new square mate and tilted her head subtly on the woman’s general direction. Laforteza followed her movement almost curiously, her eyes wandering a little before settling on a square a few cubicles ahead of theirs, where the woman was clipping her toe nails with one of the edgeless clippers they sold in the prison’s store. Laforteza’s curious gaze turned into a scowl almost immediately, her eyes souring when they landed on the other woman, as if just looking at her made the taller woman lose her nerve. Maybe they had history.
The brunette’s jaw tightened, and she let out something similar to a huff before turning and abandoning the cup on her beside table again. Dani couldn’t hold back the small, victorious grin that took over her lips when she saw her take her word for it. She didn’t know why knowing Laforteza trusted her, at least a little bit, made her feel this giddy. “Don’t cream your pants, this doesn’t mean I trust you.” she added with her voice leveled before stomping out of their bubble and making her way towards the room’s door. But Dani never wiped her smile away as she too started leaving towards the cafeteria.
“How was the first night?” Dani asked as she watched the way Manon eyed the scrambled eggs they’d served her. She would’ve laughed if she didn’t know she’d been in that same position less than two weeks ago. To say that Dani liked the food there now would be one hell of a stretch, but she’d gotten used to the tasteless mixes and the overwhelming textures fairly faster than she thought she would. She also knew she had to eat something in there, she couldn’t afford dying of starvation. So, really, she’d forced her sensitive stomach to get used to whatever the hell Lara was putting in that food.
Manon looked up at her, head supported by her fist closed shut as she other hand held the plastic fork, using it to push the eggs and rice around. She looked tired, but not nearly as drained as Dani had looked on her first morning in Phantom Ridge, Lara had told her she looked ‘pretty much dead’ when they sat together for the first time at breakfast. “Cold. This place sucks.”
Dani sighed deeply at that, bringing a spoon of rice into her mouth, trying to wash it down with the box juice she was becoming irked by. “Yeah, it really does.”
They stayed quiet for a moment. Dani could see it in Manon’s eyes, she had so many questions. Probably about what she revealed last night, about Logan too. And she had her own fair share of doubts about the girl sitting opposite to her on the table as well. She ached to know why Manon pulled away, why she left her alone in the moment she most needed her, in her most fragile nights, she disappeared. She ached to know why Manon had chosen to become a ghost in her life, when they’d shared so much, when they’d hid so little from each other. Dani wasn’t sure what her feelings for the older girl were now, she had no idea how to process them out in a world where they were free to be who they wanted to, let alone in a place where every movement she did felt like it was being taken into account, where it felt like every single person that casted her a glance was out to get her. She knew she’d had romantic feelings for her best friend in the past, Dani was well past denying that she did. That she liked Manon. Not girls. Just Manon.
She didn’t know what those feelings had turned into, or if they even had turned into anything. If they were even still there, maybe buried somewhere deep in her chest.
She didn’t know how she felt about Manon when it seemed like the girl barely even knew her anymore. When it seemed like, when she looked at her now, she was looking at a stranger.
A soft touch on her shoulder pulled Dani out of her thoughts, she didn’t need to turn to know exactly who it was. It’s not like she was super touchy with anybody else in this prison aside from one person. “Morning, pretty girl.” Lara said with that easy smile that always came to her, the one that always made Dani question if she was an actual felon or just an infiltrated person from the outside keeping watch on everyone. She sat down next to Dani, setting her tray down. Lara usually only came around ten minutes after Dani had already started eating, she’d always stay a little longer in the kitchen, just in case anyone needed anything else. This led to Dani always being on the end of her meal while the brown skinned girl had only started hers, it was an excuse to waste more hours of her day in a familiar place. Avanzini couldn’t help but notice the way Manon’s eyes narrowed when Lara sat by her, calling her nicknames and acting all friendly. Manon was a deeply untrusting person, Dani knew it traced back all the way to her family and all the issues she had with them, but when she did trust someone, she became one of the most loyal people she’d ever come across. “Are you gonna introduce me to this cutie, or what?”
Manon raised her eyebrows at that, the curly haired girl stifling a chuckle when she saw the look of disbelief in her former best friend’s face. “Is that your reaction to every new inmate that gets thrown in?” Dani asked with a questioning half smile. She tried not to feel a little let down, of course Lara wasn’t only flirty with her, she knew half of this prison had already enjoyed a taste of that, if the woman’s words were anything to take from it. They really weren’t anything other than cellmates, she shouldn’t assume she was the only one getting winks and smiles and nicknames and…the other stuff they sometimes did together.
“Only the interesting ones.” the Indian girl sent a wink Manon’s way and the older scoffed and rolled her eyes, as if telling Lara now that she wouldn’t fall for whatever game the shorter was trying to play with her.
“Ew, you’re like a man.” Avanzini chuckled and pushed the girl beside her.
Lara looked her dead in the eye with a feigning serious expression, “That is the most offensive shit you’ve ever said to me.” she said bluntly and they held eye contact for a moment before chuckling and looking away, Lara turning back to her food, eating like she was at a five star hotel’s buffet. “God forbid a girl plays her cards right.”
Dani rolled her eyes. “This is Manon, she’s— was my best friend from back home. Manon, this is Lara, my former cellmate and the only person in this hell that speaks to me.” she gestured with her arms vaguely as she introduced them, cursing herself for the small stammer in her sentence as Manon stared daggers at the girl beside her while Lara calmly dug into her breakfast as if she didn’t have a care in the world. Dani was starting to think her goal in life was to be as nonchalant as Lara portrayed herself to be in this place, that had to take some practice.
“Woah, that’s like the prettiest name I’ve ever heard.” Raj spoke as she swallowed some of her toast, earning an unconvinced look from the girl sitting across from them. But her words earned a different reaction from Dani, who stared at her with a glint of surprise in her eyes. Lara’s voice lacked that flirty, snarky tone she always held. The tone she used with everybody else, the one she'd used with Dani when they first spoke. Her tone almost seemed…genuine. Like she wasn’t trying to get anything out of saying those words, she just wanted Manon to hear them. The girl noticed the sudden quietness in the table, turning to Dani with a confused expression. “What? It’s a pretty name. Uncommon too, arrest me.” she raised her hands in fake surrender.
“You’re already in jail.” the curly haired girl responded with a deeper frown now.
“Huh, that’s right.” Lara shrugged. “So, Manon, what you in for?” she asked, much like she’d asked Dani. The casualty in Lara’s tone made her wonder if maybe every single website she had researched before getting thrown in there had been wrong, because the girl definitely felt a little too comfortable going around and asking that without any fear of what the answer might be, or what the inmates reaction might hold for her.
“What you in for?” Manon leaned over with her elbows positioned on each side of her still full tray.
Lara tilted her head with a small smirk, humoring Dani’s former best friend as she too leaned forward just the slightest bit. “I like giving as much as I like receiving, I’m a switch.”
“Me too, so we understand each other.” Dani raised her eyebrows at Manon’s low-key threatening tone, she hadn’t heard it from her in all of the years they’d known each other. Mostly because it wasn’t just threatening, but not nearly as teasing and flirty as Lara was portraying herself. At least she was back to normal Lara. “Tell me what you did and I’ll tell you what I did.”
Avanzini directed her gaze to Lara, who was smirking with the challenge. “I asked first.”
“I asked second.”
“So, obviously, I should get the first answer.”
“That’s not how it works in the real world.”
“We’re literally in prison.”
“Oh, my God, quit it, the two of you. I can’t take this for ten more minutes.” Dani groaned, laying her head on the steel table before pushing herself back up, remembering how unsanitary that table probably was. “Manon, what did they assign you for after breakfast?”
“Uh— cleaning the bathroom, I think.” Dani widened her eyes and Lara chocked on her juice, slapping the table a couple times as she tried to hold back her laughs.
“Raj!” they all turned their heads, startled at the sudden voice blaring through the cafeteria, though the other inmates barely payed it any mind. On the end of the reprimanding warning was the guard from yesterday, Duckstein, Laforteza had called him. He stood there with his face set into a scowl as he stared at Lara. “Keep it down.”
She didn’t react to it, only swallowing dryly and rolling her eyes as she turned back to her food, poking at the eggs with her fork. “That guy really hates your guts, huh?” Dani was surprised that Manon was the one to comment, though she had something similar in mind to say in case the silence took over. She almost forgot the girl was pretty much there for what happened last night, when he’d assaulted Lara with his baton for no apparent reason, leaving Dani to just stare.
“He hates everyone except the white girls and the old ladies.” the girl said, bringing her fork to her mouth as she set eyes on Manon, analyzing her braided hair. “Maybe you should watch out for him, by the way.”
Manon casted the man another look and Dani followed her gaze as well. He stood there, in the middle of the hall, his posture as straight as one gets, his hand always on the holster of his belt, ready to pull his gun in case any of the inmates made any harsh movements. She saw her friend swallow and look down at her food. Dani remembers doing her research on this place, trying to find out if it was safer than others, how dangerous it was. She’d read it wasn’t too violent, that it was almost peaceful. Now, after last night, she was starting to question how true that evaluation was. Dani had a gut feeling that, gradually, she’d be proved wrong.
She had a gut feeling things would get a lot worse in there.
Notes:
These first few chapters are more introductory, so if there isn't a lot of action and there's a lack of megan/yoonchae/sophia i apologize, i'm trying to introduce the characters gradually. The peak of the story is more towards the end!!
also, lmk if chapters this long bother you guys, cuz i can start dividing them into twoTitle of the chapter from "Homecoming (Unreleased)" by Ethel Cain
Chapter 3: Visitors day
Summary:
Daniela’s bridges with the outside start to collapse when visitors day comes around. Her absence forces Manon to see Lara in a different light.
Notes:
TW!! // this chapter includes descriptions of wounds and injuries
this & chapter 4 were supposed to be one chapter but it got too long so i divided them into two parts, i apologize if this one kinda feels like a nothing burger. anyway, not my fav, but we ball!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Daniela scratched the wooden armrest of the chair she sat on, digging her nails so deep into the material that she almost processed the way barbs poked the underside of them. Her leg bounced up and down fast enough to dig a hole in the carpeted office she sat on. She noticed how this was the first room in this entire prison that didn’t have its floor tiled and dirty, but rather carpeted and warm, like a laugh in Dani’s face, a glimpse of what she once considered her normal was now viewed as a privilege.
It had been a week since Manon had arrived, which meant it had been a week since Daniela had moved into the beds, sharing a square with Laforteza. Which also meant, she’d been there for 15 days. Fifteen. Not that she was manically keeping count or anything, but she’d been there for an entire winter break from college. She’d been there for the amount of time she’d spend in another country with her parents and Logan in one of their family get aways. And she hated every second of it. Dani tried to mask it, she tried to get comfortable having Manon and Lara —the first more than the second— sticking around her, familiar faces should offer comfort. But she felt it, she was slowly crumbling under what this place really was. She was starting to realize that her conception of Phantom Ridge was mistaken. Maybe not fully. The place truly wasn’t too dramatic, she figured there were worse prisons to be.
But she noticed it in the shadows. Little by little.
There was a buried tension between some of the inmates. Take it from Laforteza and that woman, the one Dani saw at night, crawling into their square to poison her square mate’s water. Their beef seemed to run deep, she saw the glances on the cafeteria, the threats thrown around as if they were empty, as if they didn’t matter. Dani hated that she got herself involved in whatever it was that went down between the two of them. She got herself involved the moment she told Laforteza about the other woman’s attempt against her life. Ever since then, she’d been giving Dani side glances, narrowed stares, like she was waiting to catch her alone.
It terrified Dani to her core. Especially after she went to Lara, asking what this woman was in for, her only answer being ‘It’s better if you don’t know’ and a warning to stay away from her. She very much followed that warning, but it was hard when she felt like that woman was in every corner, lurking, waiting for a cue.
Not to count, as the days passed, Dani noticed how some of the guards were overly violent towards many of the inmates. Treating them like they weren’t human beings for the simple fact that they’d been thrown in here. Duckstein was the worst of them. Though, he didn’t pick on Dani that much. Of course, he didn’t treat her kindly, he pushed her around when he felt like it, but he never hurt her. Lara couldn’t say the same, and neither could Laforteza —Dani noticed, even though they barely spoke— the man was always breathing down their necks, waiting for a slip that would justify him pulling out his baton and ‘teaching a lesson’ or sending them into the solitary.
Overall, it was almost like there was something hidden about that place. Something that kept waiting to blow out, like a bomb, just waiting to be activated. Like all the inmates just needed a little push.
Dani was pulled out of her thoughts by the sound of the door being pulled open, then closed in an instant. She adverted her gaze to the entrance of the small office where a man, probably in his 50s, his hairline giving out as the days went by, his hair greying on the sides, his beard in need of a shave session, came in and directed himself towards the large leather chair on the other side of the office table that separated them. The man had a name tag on his blue uniform shirt, reading “MILLER” in bold engraved letters. “Avanzini, correct?” he asked after a few seconds of typing in his computer, which had the screen turned opposite to her. The girl only nodded, earning a once-over glance from the man before he typed a little more. He was probably pulling her criminal file, reading over it and then turning fully towards her, elbows supported on the table. “What can I help you with today?” the counselor asked with little to no enthusiasm, like he was already dreaming about the second Dani would be out of that door.
“I’d like to know if I can change stations? One of the guards told me I could request a switch with you after I’m settled in.” she kept her voice leveled, trying to sound as respectful as she could. 15 days weren’t enough to erase 22 years of her background, interacting with rich business men, always keeping her posture straight, her voice at an acceptable level.
Miller turned his attention to the screen again, scrolling through. “You’ve been here fifteen days?” he asked and she nodded, “Do you have your bed number and partner assigned?”
“Uh— yeah. Dorm B, square 24, my square mate is La— 305.” she informed with her back barely touching the rest of the chair, leg still bouncing with small taps on the floor that were swallowed by the dark navy carpet under her feet.
“Laforteza. She’s feisty. You two getting along alright?”
Dani frowned at that, bitting the dry, dead skin of her bottom lip —already red from how much she’d been munching on it—. She supposed she could just tell the truth, even though Laforteza never hid her disliking of the curly haired girl, she never once disrespected her or was aggressive towards her. They mostly just ignored each other’s existence aside from the sharp glares and side glances. And Daniela’s sleepless nights staring at the opposite side of the square, just to make sure no one was creeping in and trying to poison the brunette again. “Um— yeah, she’s fine. We don’t really talk.” it was the truth, but she felt her voice failing either way.
“Alright, let’s work on your switch.” the man said, sighing as he pulled open one of the drawers behind his desk and took out a paper form, placing it in the middle of the table. Then, he pulled one of the fancy pens in his penholder, clicking it with a little too much strength, or maybe it was that every noise in this place seemed to startle Dani. “What is the reasoning for your switch?”
Dani swallowed before she spoke. “I work three hours a day and I earn a dollar. One single dollar. I can’t buy anything at the store with that money, I barely have hygienic supplies.”
Miller looked at her like he couldn’t believe that she’d scheduled an entire meeting because of that. He didn’t bother with hiding the roll of his eyes, judgement clear in his face, he probably thought this was so on brand for a girl such as herself. Still, he bent down and started filling out the form. “Alright, what station do you want to be placed in?”
She considered the question for a moment, then realizing she’d probably pick the lowest paying one, based on how her luck had been working against her in the last five months or so, she spoke again. “What’s the highest paying one?”
He looked at her through the thick lenses of his glasses, “That’d be the kitchen.” he informed.
Dani could’ve blown fireworks at that. It was perfect, she’d earn more money and get to work close to Lara. She felt safer around the younger, around familiarity, but —with all due respect to Manon— she’d rather die than clean the bathroom after peak hour, which was the morning, right after breakfast. Dani was almost sure they could discover new species in the corners of those showers. Working with Lara in the kitchen would be less gross and probably more entertaining, considering the brown skinned girl was the only thing in this prison capable of making Dani crack a smile or two from time to time. “Great, that’s perfect.” she nodded with a small smile.
“No can’t do. The kitchen is too full, we had to let some people go from there because it was getting too crowded.” Miller said and Dani’s expression soured almost immediately.
“Why wouldn’t you lead up with that?” she asked, her leveled facade cracking just the slightest bit before she straightened her position under the man’s strong gaze again.
He sighed and looked down at the form again, “I’ll tell you what, you can go to gardening. Not many inmates are under this station, you’ll be working two hours a day and earn two dollars for each hour.” he said it like he was offering a millionaire offer to the girl, who could only stare at the man as if he’d gone mad, as if this was some sort of joke. There was no punchline, though, Miller was absolutely serious in the way he spoke.
“Are you for real? This is like analogous to slavery!” she protested with a frown.
“Well, boohoo, you’re in prison. You wanna know how you get a high paying job, Avanzini?” his voice was a little louder and more assertive, but Dani didn’t back down, she nodded. She refused to work in such inhumane terms. She earned more for just studying at her old university. “You start off by not killing kids on the street with your million dollar car.” it wasn’t a scream or a yell, it was just a harsh tone, but it hit her straight in the chest. She hated the way her chin trembled slightly. She hated the way she hated to be reminded of that. Of what she did. She never liked getting held accountable for her own actions, but Daniela found that was prison’s basic ground rule. Getting held accountable for your own mistakes. “By reading your charges, I see you’ve failed that clause. So, you’ll wanna stick to gardening. Are we understood?”
“Yes, sir.” her voice was small, her straight posture long gone as she shrunk deeper into the chair she’d been settled on for the last twenty minutes, waiting for Miller to decide to show up.
“Good. You can leave now, enjoy your visitors day.” Daniela almost forgot about it. As she left the room, she wondered if anyone would even show up.
She knew they limited the visits according to the charges. Since hers was pretty serious, involving murder and all that, she wasn’t allowed weekly visitors or table meetings, only through the glass cabins, through phones. Daniela wasn’t even sure she wanted to see her family, she wasn’t sure she wanted her mom and her dad to see her in this state. Her curls, once shiny and finished, were tangled and in desperate need of a hydration. Her face, for once in a lifetime, bare of any makeup. She was sure she was getting thinner as the days went by with how much food they poured for them out here and her lack of money to buy herself snacks or treats at the store. Her eyes were constantly drowned in dark bags under them, courtesy of watching over her square mate for nights on end.
She was even less sure if she wanted to see Logan. Knowing he’d never seen her like this, at her lowest. Knowing she’d done what she did with Lara. Or rather, what she’d been doing with her. In the showers, sometimes in her bed when Laforteza was M.I.A, sometimes in the hidden corners of the yard. She wasn’t proud of it, it was more of a coping mechanism than getting actually romantically involved with another inmate. They never even kissed, Dani guessed that had to count for something, right?
It wasn’t cheating.
But she wouldn’t tell him.
Manon sighed deeply as she folded her excuse of a blanket. She’d been doing that for the last ten minutes straight, not wanting to fill her mind with the fact that it was visitors day and no one was coming for her. She knew about the risks of what she used to do, she knew it was morally corrupt, selling pills and cocaine to minors when they barely even knew the effect that it could have on their lives. How it could ruin them completely. But, oh well, no one warned her when it’d been her turn, she wouldn’t be as fair to somebody else.
It started with cigarettes in Middle School, then it developed to weed in Junior Year and by college, Manon’s standards for what she consumed had turned pretty low. Daniela had always called her out on it, saying it was bad for her health, that it’d kill her someday. She payed her no mind. Dani was her best friend, she’d been ever since they first met, it was like what people said about love at first sight. The moment Manon set eyes on Daniela, she knew that girl would change her life. She just wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a terrible one. Dani had never found entertainment in her bad habits, but then again, she wasn’t like her. It was one of the reasons why Manon forced herself to stay away once Logan looked for her after finding out about what they’d been doing behind his back for over a year. Dani had always lived under the impression that they were the same, that they had the same concerns, the same problems, that they understood each other. Well, they did, there was no one out there who understood Manon Bannerman better than Daniela Avanzini.
But they weren’t the same.
No, far from it.
And all it took was a small crack in their friendship —relationship, situationship or whatever you’d wanna call that— for Manon to flee.
She remembered the day Logan came after her. Two weeks after she promised Dani she’d engage with sobriety. She put the cigarettes down for real for the first time after that night in her college bedroom, when the curly haired girl begged her to stop. ‘I hate knowing these things are taking time I should have with you’, was what she said to her under the lowlight of Manon’s dorm, their bodies sweaty and tangled, their breathing still out of step. And she’d taken it seriously for the first time in her life, she even went as far as deleting her dealer’s contact. She’d been doing good, they’d celebrated her 15 days sober earlier that week, since Manon and her sister were going on a road trip on the actual date. When she came back, though, a guy was waiting at the front step of her dorm building. Logan. Looking like he could murder someone.
And he really, really wanted that someone to be her.
She led him up the stairs and into her room against her better judgement. Their talk was quick, he yelled, and then it sort of looked like he was about to cry, but he held it up alright. Manon had never seen him that angry, she wondered how he even found out about it —he refused to tell her— because she doubted Dani would ever say a word. The girl had a really hard time even dealing with her own feelings and settling with her sexuality, let alone tell her boyfriend she was pretty much cheating on him with her best friend. No, it wasn’t Dani, she was sure of it. That night, Logan threatened to ruin her life if she ever came close to Daniela again, and Manon wasn’t stupid, she knew money could make a lot of things disappear. So, she ran. She ghosted Daniela, stopped answering her texts, ignored her calls and, later, blocked her number.
She relapsed two nights later.
And now, here she was.
At least Logan couldn’t get her here, she could speak to Daniela in peace. Though, she wasn't sure she even wanted to, she barely recognized her anymore. Manon thought she was dreaming when the first time she saw her best friend in almost ten months was with another woman glued to her, biting on her neck, squeezing at her waist. The most surprising thing was that she seemed to be enjoying it, hands deep in Lara’s hair, her legs clasped around the girl’s knee. It was definitely not what she expected when the guard said he’d show her to her cell.
“Hey, are you okay?” a voice asked from behind her, making Manon turn. Yoonchae had been her cellmate for the last week. Manon didn’t know much about her, she wouldn’t say they were friends, but nights did get lonely and they sometimes talked over the deafening silence of those walls. She knew the girl had an older sister —the one that slapped her when they arrived—, she knew she came from juvie, which could only mean she was 18 years old, and that was about it. Their late night talks mostly consisted of nonsense that Manon wouldn’t even remember in the morning. “It’s just, you’ve been folding and unfolding your sheets for the last twenty minutes.” she pointed at Manon’s bed for emphasis.
“Yeah, just…distracting my mind.” the girl shrugged awkwardly and Yoonchae nodded slowly. “Tough day.” she added.
“Ah.” the younger seemed to understand what she meant by that. Manon turned back to her sheets, hearing the way the other girl shifted on her top bunk, the bed’s structure creaking under her weight. “Do you smoke?” Bannerman had never turned her head fast enough, she was almost certain she strained her neck with how desperately she turned back, only to see Yoonchae holding out a pack of cigarettes, the wrapping old and used, they were probably hand rolled, not that Manon minded, she’d smoked way worse. The brunette chuckled at the face her cellmate made and pushed herself to the side to make room for Manon to join her on the bunk, which she did with no questions, taking a cigarette from the pack without a word.
Yoonchae retracted a lighter from under her mattress and lit her cigarette before moving to light one for herself. Manon could’ve kissed her. Figuratively, obviously. She almost moaned as she took a long, needed drag. Abstinence had already crawled upon her within the first few days of being there, but nothing could’ve prepared her body for the wave of relaxation that overtook her when the familiar feeling of smoke filling her lungs hit. “Where did you even get this?” she was pretty sure they weren’t even allowed to smoke in prison, let alone bring cigarettes into the place.
“Being my sister’s sister comes with its perks.” the younger smirked, Manon could tell she was a clever girl, unlike most people in this place. She wondered what she did to be in there.
“Is she still not talking to you?” she wondered before treating herself to another drag. She remembers vaguely questioning Yoonchae about the girl who barged into their cell to slap her in the face and then hug her tightly, the girl said that it was Sophia, her sister, and that they weren’t exactly on good terms right now. It was all she offered, though. Not that Manon pressed for an answer, she knew better than to cross the line with literal criminals.
“It’s complicated.” she shrugged, taking a drag of her own before leaning on the wall behind her, her body facing Manon. “But we’re still sisters, you know? She still silently looks out for me.”
“Well, thank you, Sophia, for this amazing way of looking out for your family.” Manon joked, raising her cigarette as if she were making a toast, Yoonchae met her halfway with a quiet chuckle before they both simultaneously took a drag and puffed out at the same time, falling into a fit of laughter one second later. It’d been a while since Manon had actually cracked a smile since she’d been in there, so, yeah, maybe she should thank Sophia for that. She actually would, if she wasn’t really fucking scary.
A loud thump against their opened door pulled Yoonchae and Manon out of their bubble, both of them hiding their cigarettes under the mattress and turning, startled by the noise. It was Lara, to their relief, her body almost fully supported by the door, her breathing uneven like she’d ran all the way here. Her face was bruised and her body was folding forwards violently, like she might tip over and pass out at any moment.
The girls jumped off their bunk immediately, making their way towards the door. “Dani— where the fuck is Dani?” Lara chocked a little as she spoke. Yoonchae peeked her head out the door to make sure no guards were lurking around or following the girl before turning back, her face settled into a deep frown.
“I don’t know, she’s probably getting visitors.” Manon answered, startled as she looked at the other girls face. Manon wasn’t exactly fond of Lara. Since the first day, when she walked in on her and her best friend doing…whatever the hell that was, she never trusted her. There was something fishy about her, something that she was hiding. She just rubbed her wrong, and Manon knew it immediately when they first met. Maybe there was a tinge of jealousy beneath it. Not that she’d ever admit it, but Manon had always felt a little special knowing Dani would refer to her as ‘the only girl she’d ever be with’ because ‘she was straight’ —not that anyone believed that aside from herself and maybe Logan—, she knew Dani and Lara were having sex, or doing whatever the hell they’d do when they’d both disappear coincidentally at the same time. So, yeah, maybe there was a little bit of a grudge related to the fact that Lara had taken Manon’s place as ‘the only girl Dani fucks’.
But even though she didn’t like her that much, it didn’t mean she’d be as heartless as to leave Lara injured on her door.
“What the fuck happened to you?” Manon asked, brows furrowed, hands hanging awkwardly at her sides without knowing how to handle the situation.
“Duckstein.” she didn’t need to say more, Manon understood it enough to step forward and wrap one of Lara’s arms around her shoulders, Yoonchae moving to do the same with her other arm, the girl groaning as they guided her to Manon’s bed, the one Dani used to sleep in when she was still there. “He said he’d do worse if I went to the infirmary.” the girl groaned as she laid down, her voice failing slightly under the discomfort.
“It’s okay, just…” Manon trailed off, not having a clue of what to do. She moved to grab one of the cotton long sleeved shirts the prison gave them to sleep or wear with their uniforms, wetting it on the plastic cup of water placed by the side of her bed.
“I can sneak into the infirmary’s deposit and try to steal some supplies.” the younger Laforteza offered, standing behind Manon and eyeing the girl laying down with a frown in her face. She thought it was kind of sweet, how Yoonchae was willing to risk herself to help this stranger she barely even traded four words with ever since she got here.
“You’ll get in trouble.” Lara groaned, holding her ribs.
“I’m stealthy, they won’t notice.” Lara still seemed to be against it, but since she decided to waltz into their cell and make whatever it was that Duckstein had done to her Manon’s business, she figured she’d get a say in how to help her.
Manon turned to her cellmate, cotton shirt still in hand. “Go. Fast.” Yoonchae nodded like she’d been given a mission she was set on succeeding, rushing out of the cell, but not running as to not raise suspicion. “Don’t move.” she added when she saw Lara tossing and turning in her bunk.
Manon approached her quietly, sitting on the edge of the bed. Her arm hesitated a little before pressing the damp fabric of the cotton shirt against one of the cuts in the younger’s face, making her hiss in protest. “Ow, this hurts!” Lara groaned, trying to squirm away from the hold as the white shirt started to absorb her blood, turning red as the seconds ticked by.
“Shut up! I’m trying to help you here!”
The 30 minutes Daniela spent in line to get into the visitors room could easily be listed as the longest ones she’d lived through her entire life. She stood there, outside the room, too close to other inmates who also awaited their turn. She did everything to pass the time, to stop her mind from overthinking this moment. She pulled at the threads of her uniform, but that didn’t work seeing as it only reminded her that her mother would be absolutely disgusted with this outfit when she saw it. She also tried picking at the skin of her lips, but it was so sore already that not even she could take anymore of her own harm towards it. Instead, Dani busied herself with noticing things around that blank, boring corridor. She noticed how Manon wasn’t in that line, though that wasn’t surprising, since her sister lived in another state and her parents didn’t even care about her when she was free, let alone now that she was in jail. Lara was also was missing, and so were the Lafortezas, though Dani didn’t doubt the reason behind the lack of visitors to the latter duo was because their entire family was just as incarcerated as they were. She did see that girl Lara hangs around sometimes, Megan, was what the younger had called her.
She acted much like Dani in the line, looking nervous and awkward around the other inmates, scared to face the wrath of her family, or whoever was behind those thick doors.
Her turn took so long that Daniela almost took comfort in the idea that they might not have time for her visit. That maybe she’d get away with it and get to go back to her bed, or maybe call Lara up to keep her entertained for like 20 minutes. Better than doing nothing. But her turn did come by with one of the guards roughly calling her name and opening the door for her, informing in which stall she should settle. He didn’t even need to tell her, she'd recognize her mother’s soft pink Chanel coat from miles away.
The room was wide with glass stalls set side by side with a soundproof divisor between them where inmates spoke to their kids, their loved ones, their families or whoever was important enough to earn a visit. Some of them cried, some of them talked fondly, dreaming about the time they’d be out of that hell, others argued about whatever. Dani’s legs trembled slightly as she made her way over to her assigned stall, where her mother and Logan waited, sitting side by side. Her father was absent, she noticed.
The pair straightened when they set eyes on her approaching figure through the glass.
Dani only then wondered if her neck was free of marks from her encounter with Lara on the previous day. She'd learned she was a biter.
Well, there was no turning back now.
At least Logan couldn’t throw things at her through the glass of the stall.
Her chair was wobbly when she sat down, legs immediately bouncing up and down once her body was settled. Her mom already had the phone in hand, speaker up so the both of them could hear her. She was wearing gloves, Dani noticed, they both looked too fancy to be from a family that harbored a prisoner in this place. She took a second to pull the phone from the hook when her eyes met her mother’s glistening ones, looking at her like she barely even recognized her through the jail’s lenses.
“Dani.” the woman chocked out as soon as she had the phone placed by her ear.
“Hey, Mama.” she answered with her voice weak, almost rough. Dani hadn’t realized she’d been quiet for a while now, the last time she spoke was at the meeting with Miller, and even then she spoke little. Little compared to what she used to.
She adverted her gaze to the boy sitting beside her for a second, his face unreadable like he was purposefully making it harder for her to understand him. Not that she ever did. “How are you, mija? Are they treating you alright?” her mother asked with her voice full of worry, that classic desperate tone that mothers would give their daughters when they were begging them to share more about their lives with them. The way her eyebrows were drawn together and the way it was clear that the woman was trying to not let any tears spill broke Dani’s heart in pieces. No matter how shallow her mother was, or how many times she’d treasured their money more than her own daughter, seeing her in this state, her hairs greying with each day she spent in there, it hurt her deeply. “Have you made any friends?”
It was ironic how the phrase Dani had heard the most since she’d gotten here was ‘This isn’t High School’ and yet, here her mother was, treating it like it was just 10 years in some new boarding school Dani couldn’t adapt to. She wonders what her mother would think of the room she’s been sleeping in, of the bathroom she’s been using, of the food she’s been eating.
Of the people that have been breathing the same air as her.
“Actually, Manon is here, funny enough.” she informed with a disbelieved chuckle, even she was still having a hard time accepting that coincidence. Her mother looked at her with both confusion and relief, probably from knowing Dani wasn’t completely alone in there.
Logan’s reaction was completely different, though.
His face soured, his shoulders dropped and he scoffed as if this was just so on brand for Dani. As if she threw Manon in there on purpose just to spite him, because, clearly, the entire world and, most importantly, the entirety of Dani’s life revolved around him. Jerk. “I’m sure you’re loving it in there, then.” his words were venomous and Dani couldn’t even believe how heartless he was for even saying that, it definitely didn’t sound like the loving boyfriend he portrayed himself as on her last day of freedom. Ugh, men. “How many seconds did you last before you two fucked again?” it was even a little disrespectful, the way he worded it and the tone he let out in front of her mother.
The two women widened their eyes at his words, the younger from despair, the older from disbelief, and Dani unconsciously ran her free hand over the fading scar on her arm he’d caused months ago. “Fuck you.” she muttered so lowly she wasn’t even sure if the shitty prison interphone picked it up.
“‘Again’?! Daniela, did you do that?” her mother asked, her tone was shocked and borderline disgusted and Dani wished she could break through this glass and strangle the boy with her bare hands right in that moment. Logan let out a satisfied grin, as if outing her had been his main goal in coming here in the first place. She doubted he even missed her, he probably already found some random blonde socialite to fuck and tell him how he’s the man.
Daniela considered lying, for a brief second. If her mother was homophobic, what difference did that make? She was already sleeping in a stone hard bed, taking cold community showers every morning after eating the worst food ever curated by a human being —sorry Lara—, getting stalked by a maniac for just trying to protect somebody else’s integrity and getting borderline enslaved by those prison guards. If her mother accepted the fact that sometimes she made out with women or not, what difference did that make?
“Why don’t you answer, Dani? Cat got your tongue?” Logan smirked and it was her last straw, she curled her fingers around the phone until her knuckles turned white.
“You’re a jerk, Logan.” she responded sharply, leaning forward on the metal table with the phone still pressed close to her ear as she lowered her tone to something almost confident, way more confident than she currently felt. “I’m not embarrassed I fucked Manon behind your back, I’m embarrassed it took me so long to do that.” Daniela’s words cut straight into the boy’s well-built ego facade, she swore he was turning red from his anger with the way he shook and bit on the insides of his cheeks, fists curling over the table on the other side of the glass. Her mother, on the other hand, listened to her words like she didn’t even know who she was looking at. Her little girl who never cursed, who had always been the perfect girlfriend, the perfect daughter, the perfect everything, now turned into something she couldn’t even admit she created. Somebody she’d be ashamed to say she put into the world. “I feel sorry for whoever’s getting that shrunk thing at night now.”
“I hope you rot in there, bitch.” Logan hit the table in the stall, drawing attention from the guards, before he dramatically pushed his chair back, scraping the metal harshly against the tiled floor, and stomped away like a kid who had run out of time at the playground and was getting called home by his super strict mom. Well, at least she wasn’t not-cheating anymore, she was pretty sure this was the end for them. And something about that set Daniela’s chest in a lightness she hadn’t experienced ever since before they started dating.
Her mother stayed silent when he left, straightening in her chair and bringing the phone close to her ear now. They stayed quiet for a moment, only staring at each other. Suddenly, the weight of having her mom know who she really was —or rather, who she refused to admit she was— downed in her chest like sixty rocks dropping high on a tide. She held her breath the entire moment no words were said, sort of hoping maybe not breathing would take her somewhere else. Somewhere far away from Phantom Ridge. “So, you like girls, then?”
Her throat tightened at that, the air knocking out of her lungs as she heavily considered slamming her head really hard repetitively on the table where her hand was resting, curling and uncurling her fists as her palms became clammy. “No!” was her first answer. “Yes…?” was her second one. “Ugh, I— I don’t know.” Dani leaned over with both elbows on the table, covering her face with one of her hands as the other still held onto the phone loosely. She pressed her fingers roughly against her eyes, enough to leave her vision blurry when she eventually decided to remove them. She’d like to be in the dark for a moment, though.
“Well, if you do, there is no problem. You know that, right?” the woman’s reassuring tone made Dani frown and uncover her eyes to look up at her. Out of everything she expected to come out of her mother’s mouth over all the harsh words Logan had spilled, this was definitely the last one.
It took her a few seconds, maybe even minutes, to really settle in with the words. To settle in with the fact that, for the first time, her mother was truly looking at her. Not looking at her clothes or looking at how charismatic she was being to the people around, or at how well done her makeup was. She was looking at her. Because, in that moment, Daniela was stripped bare, no facades, no makeup, no fancy tailored outfits, looking at her for who she was was the only option her mother had and it seemed like, for once, she'd taken up on it. “It’s just been…hard, to figure it out, I mean.” Daniela sounded almost vulnerable as she spoke, her mother’s gaze softened as her tone reminded her of other conversations they’d had. Back when Dani was still free and not a convicted felon, and her mother wasn’t so uncertain about who her daughter had turned into.
“I always thought you felt a little something for her. Now it really makes sense.” Dani's cheeks immediately tinted with a dark shade of pink when she heard that, refusing to be reminded of the days she pined hard for her best friend. Her mother looked more at ease now, like the sharing of something so personal had taken a little bit of the tension of being inside a literal prison off. Of course, she still looked stressed and out of place, she always would, no matter how many times she came back for a visit, but she was a little less pale, her eyes weren’t glistening as much, she looked relieved to get a chance to talk to her daughter again. “Are you guys together now?” the woman asked with a small smile.
Dani felt it pierce right through her. Her mother looked almost hopeful. Hopeful that she was sticking to Manon in there, that she was keeping out of trouble, that they were some kind of Phantom Ridge It Couple. She almost pitied her naiveness. She didn’t even know how to answer that question without sounding like she was a reckless teenager. ‘No, Manon and I are kinda pissed at each other right now, but don’t worry, I’ve been having unprotected lesbian sex with this other random inmate with suspiciously mysterious charges’. No, that definitely wouldn’t do. She breathed in before settling for simpler words, something that wouldn’t be a complete lie, but wouldn’t expose her that much as well. “We’re kind of…in a bad place right now. We’re still sticking to each other because she’s one of the only people here that actually talks to me, but it’s not the same as it used to be.” she responded with her chest heavy, remembering how close she and Manon used to be before everything went down. They were practically strangers now, only hanging around each other for self-indulgence.
Her mother didn’t seem to mind the fact that they weren’t as close, though, her ears perked up at something else. “‘One of’?” she asked with a suspicious and careful tilt of her head. “Have you been…engaging with anyone else in that place?”
Dani chocked a little, scratching her nape as she thought back to all the people she’d interact with during the last 15 days. Lara and Manon, obviously, they were regulars. There was Laforteza too, though the last proper talk she’d had with her had been about someone poisoning her glass of water at night. Sometimes she’d exchange words with women who were showering in the stall next to her in the morning, the divisors only went up to their waist, and some of them were very unapologetic about having their tits out while making conversation to pass time —Lara being one of them, though they were rarely in the shower at the same time—. Plus, the inmates that made small talk during the shower never approached her in another situation that wasn’t that, it was like Dani was the loser kid everyone interacted with in secret and ignored in public, scared of ruining their reputation by existing too close to her. Oh, how the tables had turned. “Just one. She’s cool, though.”
Her mother eyed her with that look that yelled without having to say a word, that called her reckless and irresponsible, that wanted to boss over every single choice she made for herself as if she weren’t 22 years old with a murder charge on her back. She cleared her throat, eyebrows furrowed before she spoke again. “’She is cool’? That is a criminal, Daniela Avanzini, and you must not associate with these types of people! They are dirty and sketchy, all of them!” her yell became more of a whisper as the words spilled out, it seemed she could still read the room as to not insult the people whose family and friends were very much sitting right beside her.
A strange, sudden protective feeling bursted in her stomach, she didn’t even realize she’d gotten that worked up about the way her mother spoke about Lara until she spoke again, voice sharp and flat. “You don’t even know her.” she didn’t scream, she didn’t have to do so to get the woman sitting in front of her even more worked up. Dani knew it was a little dumb to pick a fight with her mother over a girl she’d barely known for two weeks and still had very little information about. But she couldn’t help it. She couldn’t help it because, ever since that first morning, Lara had been nothing but kind and understanding to her, something that all the other inmates failed at. And she didn’t need to be, that was the thing. Lara didn’t need to stick around her, she got along fine with most people in that prison, she was the definition of a social butterfly. Hell, even Laforteza liked her. Lara didn’t need to stick around the newbie who looked like she’d walked straight out of her mansion into the wrong mall and stumbled accidentally into a cell she didn’t belong in, but she did. And that alone proved to Dani that she wasn’t an animal, or whatever her mother was implying her to be.
“I don’t need to, they are all the same in there.” she said, her rich-woman voice taking over. That conceited tone that Daniela had always hated, her mother only used it to address her girl friends and her father’s business partners, but sometimes she used it on her too, just to remind her that, in the Avanzini household, they each had their place and Dani’s was not above her.
“I’m in here too, aren’t I?” she challenged, tilting her head to the side.
“By mistake. You are not like these people.” she spoke as if this was a sureness that she’d never be rid off. Dani wondered if she’d slept through her trials and, even if she did, the scar on her eyebrow was enough reminding that the accident had been very real. “These people are convicted felons. Criminals.”
“Well, so am I.”
Her mother scoffed, rolling her eyes like she’d refuse to admit it, like she was trying to hide something under that gleaming Chanel coat that caught the eyes of passerby’s. “Don’t be ridiculous, Daniela.”
“Why? Huh? So you can fool yourself more with the fantasy that I’m still the perfect little princess you created in your head when I was five?” her voice rose a few octaves, daring, though she tried to keep it down for the sake of the encounters happening around her. She remembered Lara’s words from the first day they’d met, then she recalled Miller’s words from about two or three hours ago. “I came here with that thought. That this was unfair, that I’m not— a murderer. But, you see, the more time I spend in here, the more I realize that maybe I deserve to be locked up—“
“Don’t you dare finish that sentence.” her mother’s tone was threatening and reprimanding, as if saying it out loud would be a direct offense to her. To their family. To everything her father worked hard to built, the Avanzini name was now stained with a major scandal, and admitting that Dani was facing the consequences of it was an inhumane act. “You are not a murderer, you’re an Avanzini. Do you hear me? No child of mine is a criminal. I am trying to get you out of this place, but I’m not going to be able to if you keep pleading guilty at the court and talking like that.” Dani scoffed. As if I had any other choice other than pleading guilty of a crime I committed with endless proofs and witnesses. She thought to herself.
Was this visiting time ever ending? She glanced at the clock before turning back to the glass between them.
“If I took a gun and shot that boy in the head, he would’ve been dead the same way he was when I hit him with that stupid car.” she started, voice low, as if she were disconnecting from herself for a moment to be taking responsibility for the things she’d done. Something she'd always hated doing. Her mother’s eyes widened at the choice of words, but it wasn’t enough to stop her. “Somebody died and it was my fault. It was me behind that wheel, no one else. I killed someone, mom, and I’m pretty sure that classifies me as a murderer. And even if I’m not, in here I’m treated as such.” Dani felt those annoying tears prickling at the back of her eyes before she realized, though she refused to let them fall. She was getting good at holding back her tears in there.
The older woman stayed silent for a beat before speaking again, her voice a little less reprimanding and now more desperate, like she was trying to convince herself more than anybody else. Her eyes were also shining and, in the reflex of the mirror, Dani would almost confuse the two of them, their eyes were exactly the same. They turned greener when they cried. “But you didn’t mean to do that. The intention is what matters, and you didn’t intent to do that.” Dani glanced at the clock again, thirty minutes had flown by, she saw the guard starting to approach her, accompanied by Megan.
They exchanged a look as she passed by to sit on the stall just beside her. Dani couldn’t see who was on the other side of the girl’s stall, but she wondered if she caught a glimpse of her own visitor, if maybe she heard something while the guard led her to her visitor.
She looked back to her mother when the guard gave her a pointed look. He was one of the new ones, the ones who weren’t as aggressive. “Intention means nothing in here.” Dani placed the phone back on the hook with a knot tied around her neck, leaving her mother to stare at her with a look of pure disbelief, as if she were staring at a complete stranger. She tried to ignore the hollow feeling in her chest as she follow the guard out of that damn room, her breathing coming in short as she held back the tears like she’d never done before. She might’ve been a criminal, but she wasn’t half as tough as the other inmates in this place. She might’ve been one, but she didn’t behave like one, she didn’t know how to be one.
She just felt like one.
Yoonchae took longer than it’d been expected to return. Manon started worrying that maybe she’d been caught as she stared at the open door of their cell. The flow of inmates was calmer on that day, the ones who weren’t facing the overwhelmingly long line to talk to their visitors were outside in the yard. Most of them didn’t like spending much time in the building, and since yard time was extended today —courtesy of the visiting day— they took the opportunity to spend the extra few hours in the sun. She didn’t love it when the halls grew oddly quiet, it unsettled her, made her feel like something was happening in the shadows, something she wasn’t aware of. But now, the emptiness of the cells was a blessing, given that she had a very injured person in her bed, and she’d have to do her best to not draw attention to it.
The fact that Lara was awfully quiet was not helping ease the tension blooming in Manon’s chest either. She hadn’t known her that well, but she knew her long enough to take notice that, anytime she and Dani were around each other, she’d speak non-stop. It was weird to see Daniela on the listener’s side for once, since, before all of this, Dani was the one that talked her guts out for hours and Manon would just listen with quiet, considering eyes. Seeing her be so quiet only proved how different she was since the last time they’d seen each other. But now, not even Lara was talking. She just lay there on her bed, her eyes half closed and swollen with bruises, her lips cut on the surroundings, her eyebrow had a particularly nasty slit that Manon would press onto with her —already ruined— white shirt to ease the bleeding from time to time, it was the only one that wouldn’t dry up. All the other cuts around her face already had that thin layer of hardened dry blood, all except the eyebrow one.
She also swore she saw the younger let out a few silent tears as silence took over them completely, but she chose not to comment on it, she had no right to do so.
Yoonchae had been gone for about 20 minutes now, and Manon sat on the very edge of the bed Lara was sprawled over, her legs bouncing up and down as she picked at the skin surrounding her nails until a small spot of red started flowing from one of the corners. Her movements only stilled at the sound of footsteps, followed by the presence of the person she most wanted to see right now. Yoonchae hurried into the room, her hands held nothing as she approached the two of them. “How are you feeling?” she asked as she got close to the bed to take a look at Lara’s state.
The Indian girl groaned lightly, “Like a six foot tall man just beat the shit out of me.” her tone held a small hint of lightness to it, but neither of the other girls were amused by her words.
It was then that Yoonchae started pulling the supplies she’d left with the mission to steal from every available spot in her uniform. She extracted a syringe and a small, ripped pack of clean needles from one pocket, pulling out a small flask filled with a see-through liquid from the same place. From the other pocket, she pulled an antiseptic bottle, already half used and a load of different sized bandages. Finally, she reached into her bra to pull a card of small adhesives for minor cuts. Lara and Manon watched with their eyes wide, not believing she’d actually pulled it off. “What?” the girl asked when she noticed the disbelieved stares laid on her.
“You actually managed to steal all that?” Raj asked as Manon pulled the flask into her hands, analyzing the worn label around it. She was reminded of her college days, where she planned to major in nursing before dropping out and going ghost because of a certain threat to her life. Not that she really did anything while she was still attending classes, Manon had never been an example in her school attendance.
“I couldn’t break into the room without making a fuss.” Yoonchae shook her head, eyeing the injured girl while she leaned slightly on the bunk’s pole. “But I went to Sophia and she pulled some strings, she had a few things stashed up.”
Manon couldn’t suppress her chuckle, mixed with a sigh of relief. “Sophia saves the day again. She’s Jesus at this point.” the youngest of the three of them laughed at that, but Lara only furrowed her eyebrows —as much as she could with that giant cut on one of them—, she adverted her gaze between the girls.
“Who’s Sophia?” she asked as Manon started wetting the clean hem of her shirt with some antiseptic.
“My sister.” Yoonchae shrugged but Lara’s eyes went wide at that, she straightened on the bed with difficulty, not managing to hide the small hitch of pain in her breath.
“Laforteza’s first name is Sophia?!” the girl looked like she forgot her overall state in that moment as she stared at Yoonchae in complete awe. “That’s, like— so not intimidating at all.”
The youngest humored her with a small chuckle as she laid back down, Manon took that as her cue to move forward with the antiseptic in one hand and her stained white shirt in the other, sitting closer to Lara again. “Probably why she doesn't go by it.” Laforteza said, crossing her arms and watching while Manon set the small bottle on the floor. The three of them were quiet for a moment, all staring at each other before it was Yoonchae that spoke once more. “I think I’m gonna go find her, she wanted to talk to me later. You got everything covered?” she asked with a look towards the oldest of the three of them, who nodded in assurance.
“Yeah, it’s fine.” then, she tilted her head towards the door, implying that it was okay for Yoonchae to leave. She did with a final awkward wave and a small ‘Get well soon’ to Lara that was only met with a pained groan.
When the pair was left alone in the room once more, Manon moved forward to clean the open wounds in Lara’s face, pressing the cloth with antiseptic with no previous warning, earning protests from the girl laying on the bed. Eventually, she got used to the stinging sensation of the medicine, though, and they moved —rather, Manon moved— with little to no acknowledgement to each other while she cleaned every bit of dry blood and every wound in Lara’s face with as much precision and gentleness as she could, trying to remember the uni days where she wasn’t cracked out of her mind, which, honestly, were very few. Manon did manage to clean them all without much stress, except for a few hisses and curses coming from Lara when she pressed a little too hard or when a cut was a little too deep and needed more medicine. She used the adhesives on the cuts close to her mouth and cheekbones, as well as one stretching across the bridge of her nose.
Manon was well aware that every single movement she made was being watched by the girl laying down. Lara watched her with that quiet interest, the curiosity she failed to hide since day one. She watched her like she was a master of puzzles and Manon was an enigma she had yet to come across, and she was dying to dissect every piece of her and understand her whole. Or something. When she moved to press on the wounds, Lara kept her eyes open despite the pain, looking at her from below. When she switched to reach the adhesives, she followed her movements, her hands, not hiding the way everything Manon did seemed like a new chapter in a novel for her, to read and interpret all on her own.
She only really broke the heavy silence when the Bannerman girl reached for the faded labelled flask and a sealed —she made sure to check— needle. Manon wondered what Sophia did with that amount of needles, she doubted it was for injure related medicine. Maybe she’d need to find Sophia later and have a chat about their shared interests. Lara shifted in the bed, pushing herself away from Manon when she started setting up the syringe. “The fuck are you doing?” she asked as if she were suddenly being threatened with a blade to the neck, shrinking into the very corner of the bunk.
It wasn’t possible that someone like Lara, with the amount of hand tattoos she had, was scared of needles. Right?
“We don’t have icepacks, this is gonna help with the pain and the swelling, and it’s gonna help you sleep a little.” she spoke with her voice calm, almost like a nurse talking to a patient. Except they were both in prison uniforms, and she doubted this place was nearly as hygienic as it should be for her to be doing this. Whatever, it was better than having an injured Lara whine about pain for hours on her bed.
“How do I know you’re not drugging me?” Lara narrowed her eyes suspiciously at her. It sort of seemed like she was attempting to be intimidating, but with her appearance right now, it was safe to say she was not succeeding at it.
Manon rolled her eyes lightly, though she understood the lack of trust Lara had in her. She wouldn't trust herself either. “This is legit, I checked the label.” she assured, earning a scoff from the younger.
“As if you know what the hell it means.” she mocked.
The older raised her eyebrows, unamused. “I do, I went to nursing school.” Manon thought the most shocked she’d seen Lara get was about 10 minutes ago when she found out Laforteza’s first name was Sophia, but nothing compared to how confused she was now. She looked like she just found a new piece of the puzzle she’d been putting together for weeks and she had no idea of where to fit it. She had that glint in her eyes that Manon recognized from when she first met Dani, the urge to know more, to get to know her for real. The difference was that she met Dani during pre-calc and she met Lara in a prison cell. She wouldn’t give more of herself to someone that hadn’t done a single thing to earn her trust.
“Are you fucking with me?” Lara deadpanned and Manon couldn’t help but snicker at her overly serious expression, she shook her head, muttering a quiet 'no'. “What the fuck are you doing in here, then?” she asked, almost outraged at the newfound information.
Manon simply shrugged as she filled the syringe with the see-through liquid from the flask, which she had identified as a kind of analgesic. Yes, it was a cheap one, but they couldn’t afford to be picky in that situation. “Never let them know your next move.” she shot an amused look to the Raj girl, who just watched her with those deep brown eyes, trying to read her through the wrong lenses. “This cut on your eyebrow looks nasty. That fucker tore through the dermis, the edges are too stretched and the bleeding won’t stop. It probably needs stitches.” Lara eyed her like she was looking at a completely different person. “But we don’t have those, so you’ll need to keep it clean and tightly bandaged ‘till it eventually scars. It’s gonna leave a sick scar, though.”
“Oh, my God. You really went to nursing school.” she stated as if the information was just now sinking in.
Manon chuckled and shook her head, using the antiseptic to clean her arm before bringing the needle close, noticing the way Lara just slightly flinched away. Well, at least she could tell she wasn’t an addict by that move. It was just a little unserious in Manon’s head to be scared of needles while literally being in jail, though, but whatever, the poor girl was already beaten to a pulp, she might as well show her some kind of sympathy. “This is gonna make you feel better, I promise.” even with her reassurance, Lara laid stiff as the needle approached her arm, her eyes fixated on the sharp object. “Hey. Keep your eyes on me. Talk to me or something.” she remembered a thing or two about nursing school, and keeping patients calm was always one of the most important basics, you can’t help someone who’s panicked out of their minds.
“Where’d you go to college?” Manon considered the question, considered if Lara could do any harm to her in the future with the information she’d give her. But she looked so small laying there, shrunk in the corner of the bed, eyebrow slit open, face littered with adhesive bandages, she figured there was no harm in sharing just a little bit about herself.
She pushed the needle before she spoke, finding the way the other girl closed her eyes tightly when the object poked through her skin sort of cute. Not that she was cute, just the reaction. Surely there was nothing to do with seeing Lara in a completely different lighting where she wasn’t portraying herself as the usual overly confident, mysterious womanizer Manon got. Definitely. “Princeton.” she said quietly, applying the painkiller into Lara’s veins slowly. She hoped she had the right dosage memorized, suddenly she was hit the fear of accidentally overdosing this girl.
“Fancy.” it sounded like she meant it as a bite, but her voice was slightly shaky with fear and her eyes were closed, eyebrows drawn together in pain, a single tear making it’s way down the corner of her eye. She looked so…innocent like that. Manon wondered if Dani had ever seen this version of Lara, or if anyone else in this prison had, considering she liked to put on that strong, nonchalant facade all the time. She was tempted to reach over and dry off the tear sliding down, but by the time she figured there was no harm in it, it was already being absorbed by the thin pillow under Lara’s head.
“Yeah, but I applied for a student loan, I don’t have that kinda money.” she started speaking just to distract Lara’s mind from the sting of the needle as she pulled it back after applying the entirety of the dosage she pulled and honestly just hoping for the best. If she wasn’t seizing in like 8 hours it probably meant she’d be fine. “Never graduated, though.” Manon moved to detach the needle from the syringe, sticking it deep into the mattress until it wasn’t suspicious. She left the syringe and the flask by the bed and moved to grab the bandages to try and at least close in a little bit of Lara’s eyebrow injure so it’d be able to scar over.
“How come?” Lara asked, her tone invested as she stayed still for Manon to reach for her eyebrow cut. She gripped the sheets tightly when the older girl put pressure on the edges and applied the bandage tighter than she probably should have, just to try and make sure the bleeding would stop and it’d have a chance to scar over. When she judged the bandage safe and tight enough that Lara wouldn’t be able to get it off easily, she moved to gather all the things and tuck them in a corner between her bed and the wall. She’d give it back to Yoonchae and have her thank her sister later.
She didn’t even consider telling the truth this time, Manon didn’t have the mental strength to go about her and Dani’s entire fucked up situationship and how badly it ended in that moment. “It just wasn’t for me. I think…I kinda fooled myself into believing I could make something out of my life.” it wasn’t exactly a lie. Before Logan threatened her, Manon had already been considering dropping out of college, but the pressure of the student loan she applied, along with the fear of letting her sister —the only person that still believed in her— down, kept her going. She just needed that small shove and Dani’s boyfriend had handed it to her in a platter. “I always knew one way or another I’d end up here. Dani knew too, she was always on my ass about it.”
Lara’s eyebrows shot up with interest at the mention of her past friendship with Dani, but her snarky presence seemed to be gone, and left was just a normal girl her age, talking like they were having a sleepover in one of their houses. Of course, the tense edge was still there, the buried awareness that Lara was a stranger, that this place wasn’t safe, that Manon was probably in danger at all times in there. But something about the way the girl was looking at her then, like Lara herself had blurred out the situation and ambient and was just focused on Manon’s words, it almost made her let her guard down a little. Almost. “Is this how you’re gonna tell me what you’re in for?”
She scoffed. “You wish.”
Miraculously, Lara didn’t push, she just shrugged and switched to lay on her side. From Manon’s view, it seemed like the painkiller was starting to kick in, judging by the way her blinking was becoming slower and more frequent, soon she’d be out cold and painless. Manon shifted on the bed, moving from the edge to sit on the mattress with her back leaning on the building’s grey brick wall. Her eyes were on Lara as the girl fiddled with the bedsheets' loose threads, a little too focused on swirling it around her finger before letting go and repeating the motion. “You don’t have to stay, it’s alright. You should secure a spot in the visitors line, it’s probably already getting crowded.” she spoke after about 10 minutes of just their breathings filling the room.
Manon criss crossed her legs on top of the mattress, resuming the picking at the skin around her nails, some of them were already too harmed, the stinging sensation kept her grounded enough in that place. “Don’t have to. No one’s coming.” she wasn’t rude, but her tone was flat, like it spoke for itself. She didn’t want to talk about it.
“Oh.” Raj responded, then she stayed quiet for a few moments. “No one’s coming for me, either.” it wasn’t a comparison, nor was it said out of spite. Her tone was almost comforting, like she was trying to show Manon that they had something in common. That, like herself, she was a person with her own real problems. They shared a long look of understanding before Lara’s eyes dropped down to Manon’s shifting hands, the red spots leaking from the corners of her nails made her frown. The brown skinned girl pulled at her elbow from her laying position, parting the contact Manon’s hands were having with each other and unconsciously pulling her closer until the side of Manon’s thigh was just slightly grazing Lara’s folded legs. “Stop doing that. Your nails are disgusting, it could get infected.” her voice was small, like she was already half asleep. Lara even yawned when she spoke again. “Maybe you should go to the yard for a bit, getting some air might help.” she suggested with her voice already drifting, embargoed in sleep.
“Lara, I’m staying here.” Manon deadpanned.
“M’kay.” her voice was slightly muffled by the way she curled into her pillow, her hand was still in the same position as before, her fingertips grazing the inside of Manon’s wrist. The goosebumps rising in her skin were enough to keep her from reaching to her other hand again, there was something calming about the soothing motion Lara kept unconsciously against her skin.
Lara’s breathing evened out minutes later, Manon didn’t tear her eyes away from her for one single second.
Notes:
yes, this is dani centered but if the POV does alternate, it's mostly going to be to manon's perspective (i do want to develop marz, but they're not the focus of the story)
for the sake of the story we'll pretend princeton has a nursing program, i'm not american and i only found out it doesn't until after i wrote dani and manon's entire backstory... :D
kudos & feedback are not demanded but very appreciated, lmk your thoughts:))
Chapter 4: Tempest.
Summary:
The consequences of her choices bite Daniela hard in the ass and she gets a feeling her grave might be getting dug, but a small unexpected flower might be blossoming right by it. Struggling with adaption, Manon decides to expand her interaction circle within the prison. Phantom Ridge's calm facade starts cracking.
Notes:
TW - this chapter includes a brief description of SA. although i did try to lighten it as much as i could, it's still there, i do assure it's the only description of this nature in this entire story. if you'd like to avoid it, the first and last three words of the scene will be in BOLD and UNDERLINED, so you can skip it to avoid triggers. pls be safe<3
longer chapter to make up for the wait;)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Dani sat alone on that morning. Her fork poking the colorless cafeteria food as her eyes insistently darted towards the doors from time to time, waiting for a certain someone to make an appearance. Manon was usually up early and already sitting at their usual table —the one further from the very center— when Dani arrived for breakfast, still not quite over her getting late bad habit. But this morning, she was surprised to see that their table had been taken by someone else. That woman from her dorm, the one who attempted to kill Laforteza a week ago, sat there with her usual intimidating persona, surrounded by her own crew of inmates. She had a few similarities to Dani’s roommate, she thought, the way they both carried themselves with that air of superiority, surrounded by others most times. Laforteza was just easier on the eyes, with all honesty. Now, it could’ve been just a harmless change of scenery for the woman, it didn’t have to mean something, and it definitely didn’t have to feel like a threat. But, crossing the cafeteria to get to the line with her empty tray in hand, Daniela realized she should be at least a little alert about the uncommon change.
Because that woman shot her a glare so deathly, she was sure it might’ve frozen all of her organs and made her drop dead right then and there.
Not only was their table weirdly taken, but Manon was still M.I.A as Dani got her tray filled up with the same breakfast as always. She really searched through the entire room, finding no sign of Manon sitting on any of the tables or even in the long breakfast line. It was odd. It wasn’t like Manon to leave her hanging like that, even in the rocky phase they were facing.
So, Dani was alone on a table that felt a little too in the center of the room for her liking, sitting one table away from where Laforteza surrounded herself with people —including Mini Laforteza, she noticed, for the first time—. Her table always carried that mysterious, suspicious energy. Her mates were always whispering between themselves, sometimes they’d address her and she’d slip into the conversation with small observations, but, usually, she let her gaze wander. And, usually, it’d find it’s bullseye on her table. Now, she was closer than ever, sitting alone when their eyes met. What really bothered Dani about their quiet staring contests during meals was the fact that she’d never found a set of eyes so hard to read in her entire life. Maybe it was because every single person that had existed in her presence before Phantom Ridge had just been so futile, it was easy to read them with her eyes closed, they usually didn’t think about much more than money and keeping their appearances straight. But not here. Here, she’d met eyes with layers, with hidden stories and even more subtle intentions. Laforteza’s eyes unsettled her because they were so dark, it felt like there was a wall between the outside world and what went on inside her head.
She only broke their eye contact when someone bumped harshly against her back, making Dani accidentally spill a few of the peas in her fork on the table. She frowned, her body stiff as she turned around only to be met with that harsh glare that had been following her since that first night in the dorm. Laforteza’s enemy. Or at least that’s what Dani guessed the woman was, considering the tense atmosphere surrounding the two of them. “Sorry. Didn’t see you there.” she said, voice laced with a venom that Dani had yet to hear in this place, like she wasn’t sorry at all. Like she had something in store for her. A chill ran down Daniela’s spine as the taller woman stepped back, eyes predatorily skimming her entirely before she finally turned to toss her tray on the discard table and exit the building through the yard door.
“Yikes, what did you do to her?” Lara’s voice might as well have been an angel’s as she set her tray down, sitting opposite to her and blocking Dani’s previous view of Laforteza. She didn’t wait for the response to come, though, her eyebrows furrowed before that. “Wait, where’s Manon?”
When Dani finally looked over, her eyes widened and she sucked in a breath. “Holy shit, what happened to your face?!” Lara's face was bruised and injured, much like Dani would see Laforteza most times —though, usually the girl had apparently been keeping herself away from trouble, considering she hadn’t been thrown in the solitary and their square-sharing remained consistent— but it was extremely unusual to see Lara looking so…not-her-best. Her eyes were sunk in by bruises, there were several cuts of different sizes on her face, held together by those small curating adhesives. Her left eyebrow had a bigger, more alarming bandage that probably covered a gnarly wound.
“Did you know Manon went to nursing school?” she said randomly, dodging the question as she enjoyed her breakfast like she usually did, as if it were a five stars buffet. The way Lara portrayed herself normally, like there wasn’t a concerning amount of injuries all over her face, was what confused Dani the most. From what she’d seen of Lara in the short time they’d known each other, she’d guess the girl would be throwing a fit and going crazy over how bad she looked in that moment.
Not that she looked ugly or anything. But the whole underdog look didn't really work for her, if Dani was being honest.
Dani frowned at the question she shot back, “Uh, yeah? I went to college with her for like three years.” the curly haired girl tilted her head then, bringing the rest of her food to her mouth, not bothering with scraping her tray clean or eating more than she needed to just survive until lunch. Her stomach still growled, begging for something edible, but she ignored it like she’d learned to. “Wait, how do you know that?”
“She made these.” Raj shrugged like it was no big deal, resuming her attention on the food after vaguely gesturing to her entire face.
Dani looked at her with disbelief. “Manon helped you?”
“Yeah, she was…she was pretty sweet about it, actually. In her own way.” the last words were said with a bit of sarcasm and then Lara smiled to herself, a smile that Dani hadn’t seen on her yet. It wasn’t a smirk, it wasn’t even a grin, it was like she was smiling at a thought, at a memory. Was she smiling like that because of Manon? What the fuck was going on between the two of them? Dani had only been off for one day, isolating herself after the visiting fiasco, and, apparently, Manon had Lara folded in the few hours she avoided contact with them. Or so it looked like it.
“But— she hates your guts.” Dani spoke like she was trying to make sense of the situation.
“I don’t know, it didn’t feel like she hated me then.” the brown skinned girl shrugged, that easy smiled still ghosting over her lips. It made Dani’s stomach clench just a little thinking about what happened in that cell to be causing it. Or a lot. “I mean, yeah, we were mostly quiet but…she was so gentle and she refused to leave me alone. I don’t know, maybe I’m reading too much into it. She just has that quiet energy that draws you to her, you know? Like, you can’t wait to learn more about her, and you keep feeding off scraps.” Dani didn’t even recognize the girl speaking in front of her right then. She made a mental note to never leave those two alone ever again.
Manon had always been much like that. Empathetic, despite her lack of trust in most people. Never once had she seen Manon talk shit about anyone who didn’t absolutely deserve it, never once had she seen her let someone down by choice. Despite all her bad habits and the things she got involved with, Manon had always been a presence that was a gift to all the people around her. She was the type of girl to take care of random lonely drunk people during parties when their friends were M.I.A, she was the type of girl to lend her phone to lost strangers and give money to people on the street when, really, she had no obligation to do so. She was a much better person than Dani, she always had been. Dani knew that she didn’t act like that because it was Lara, Manon would’ve offered her help to anyone who asked for it in a vulnerable situation. But it still stung to know. “Do you…like her?” she asked with a knot in her throat. She wasn’t sure why it was there, but she felt sixteen again, accepting Logan’s proposal to date her out of pure pressure.
She didn’t even want to know the answer to that question.
“Girl, I don’t know. Maybe it was just a moment.” Lara shrugged like it’d been a long time since she’d fallen in love. Like she didn’t know what that feeling even meant. “But she’s nice and really fine. I wouldn’t be opposed to, you know…” she left it hanging in the air with a suggestive look that made Dani frown and widen her eyes at her, her expression outraged.
“No! No, no way. You can’t—“ she tripped over her words as she spoke, gesturing wildly while Lara just glanced at her with her eyes confused, like she genuinely didn’t get what the problem was as she took a sip of juice to help the food go down easier. Even if she pretended, that food was still hard to swallow no matter how long you've been eating it for.
“Why? Is she ‘straight’ like you, too?” Lara teased but soon realized Daniela wasn’t in the mood for that kind of banter when her eyes turned to glare deeply at her.
“She’s Manon! She’s my best friend!” the curly haired girl argued.
Lara frowned at her sudden outburst. “Weren’t you guys on bad terms and barely speaking?”
“Still—“
“Wait, do you like her or something?” the other girl narrowed her eyes at her suspiciously. There was a glint in her eyes, like she was trying to decipher Dani’s feelings through her own eyes. It wasn’t that she was jealous or that she still had feelings for Manon. No, far from that. But she still had that quiet sense of protectiveness over her best friend, she’s always cared more about Manon’s wellbeing than her own, hence why she was so crazy about all the substances the older girl got her hands on back in college days. And, yeah, she fucked Lara once or twice, but it didn’t mean she was okay with Manon doing the same, with Manon getting involved with someone she barely knew. Someone she really didn’t know aside from the light talks and deep sighs.
She realized her hypocrisy in an instant. She sounded like her mother in her own head.
“It’s not that. And, yeah, me and her aren’t exactly on our best moment right now, but I still care about her, okay?” Dani started, not measuring her words as a tsunami of thoughts took over her mind in mere seconds. Thoughts about before, about Manon, about the words her mother had so carelessly thrown at her the day before, about the girl sitting in front of her. Just everything that her brain could gather in that situation was being thrown in her face with no warning. “She’s…sensitive, and people have hurt her. And you’re a—“ she stopped herself, her mind suddenly going blank.
Lara’s eyes turned dark, her expression souring immediately. “A what? Say it, Dani.” her voice was threatening and it brought Dani back to that first day. The day Dani had been the most scared she’d ever be. The day she wouldn't ever forget. Lara scoffed when she just shook her head, keeping her mouth shut. “It’s impressive, really. You’ve been here for two whole weeks and you still don’t realize it.” she shifted on the chair, gathering her stuff and looking Dani straight in the eyes as she pushed herself up, leaning over the table with both her palms pressed on it. Dani shrunk within herself, the guilt over something she hadn’t even said starting to spread through her chest. “You’re not better than me, or anyone in this hell.” her words were simple, but her tone was cutting and sharp, it made Avanzini advert her eyes to her empty tray. “Whatever. I don’t want Manon anyway, she’s all yours.” she didn’t even have time to process if Lara’s tone was at all truthful, but she did realize it sounded a little hurt, like she really thought Dani had grown out of saying —or rather, thinking— that stuff about her. She sort of sounded betrayed as she grabbed her tray and stomped across the cafeteria, leaving it on the discard table and making her way back into the kitchen.
Dani sighed deeply and ran her hands through the entirety of her face before letting her fingers tangle in her hair for a few seconds. When she opened her eyes again, she found that immensity of darkness studying her once more, quiet and interested and the only thing Daniela could think was ‘What the hell do you want from me?’ as she pulled herself up with her tray and made a beeline for the exit of the room after discarding it. For the first time, she was making her way towards the yard door rather than back to the dorms, she had gardening just after breakfast and she figured she’d wait until the peak of the bathroom was over to use it with less stress.
The greenhouse wasn’t as bad as Dani thought it’d be. Yes, it was hotter than the outside, but it was empty and calm, only the plants around her. It was much better without all the banter from the old ladies of the laundry room, the ones who would sometimes even shit talk her and Lara like Daniela wasn’t right there listening to everything. She’d been thinking about Lara’s words ever since she was led in here by one of the guards after telling him she’d been transferred to gardening. ‘You’re not better than me, or anyone in this hell’. Dani agreed to disagree. Maybe she was, in fact, no better than Lara. You are what you eat, or however the saying goes. But she did think she was better than at least some of the women around there, she was surrounded by criminals. Worse criminals than herself. She was surrounded by gangsters, serial killers, rapists, kidnappers, all crimes she could think of. She doubted this prison only held criminals like herself, that killed accidentally, or like Manon, that sold a couple grams to underage people for a little longer than she should have.
But she didn’t think of herself on a pedestal. For instance, she knew she wasn’t better than Manon, who took Lara in and took care of her even while not liking her just because the girl was vulnerable and asking for her help. Dani couldn’t think of like 10 people she’d put that time of day and effort into.
She was mixing some fertilizer and soil into a medium sized vase, navigating through her thoughts and her memories, when she heard the small creak of the greenhouse’s door opening slowly. She’d been told another inmate would join her in there, she wasn’t exactly expecting to be alone the entire time, but that didn’t stop Dani’s shoulders from tensing the slightest bit when she heard the door being closed behind whoever had just entered.
Against her better judgement, Dani turned to check who she’d have to share the greenhouse with from now on. Her blood ran cold when the face standing there was a little too familiar. The woman from her dorm, the one Laforteza hated, the one who seemed to have been waiting for her chance to strangulate Dani throughout the entire last week. She looked all too intimidating from up close, the tattoos on her neck sent a chill down Dani’s spine. It looked like she’d gotten them here and, much like her chopped haircut, it was probably done by herself. “Well, hello, there.” she said, sending her a bone crushing smirk that made the younger’s stomach curl within itself. She stepped closer tentatively and Dani found herself taking a small step back, keeping as much distance between them as she could. “I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Johanna.” her voice had that calm threatening tone that Daniela was starting to suspect everyone in this prison learned before getting thrown in. It seemed she missed that class on her way.
The woman kept walking in her direction until Dani’s back was pressed against the wooden table with a small thud, spilling soil over the vase she was taking care of before Johanna decide to come in with the mission to torment her. She stood close, closer than it was considered okay, so close that if Dani wanted to look her in the eye, she’d have to tilt her head up. Not because the woman was freakishly tall or anything, she must be no more than a few inches taller than her. But, in that moment, it felt like she towered over Daniela in a way that made her feel like a helpless child. “What’s your name, sweetie?” she hated the way that nickname rolled off her tongue like it was a slur, like it was something Daniela should be afraid to get called by.
Dani paled when the tattooed hand reached up to brush a few of her curls away from her face, her mouth started prickling like her pressure might give in and just have her pass out from the fear blooming in her chest. It wasn’t everyday that she came across a criminal in prison —in a place where nobody could see her— and thought she might make it out alive. “Daniela.” she answered with her voice so small and trembling that she wasn’t even sure the woman heard it.
Johanna took another step forward, now completely invading her personal space as she pressed Dani further to the table behind her. “Well, Daniela, I heard you’re new here, isn’t that right?” the question had been clearly rhetorical, and even if it hadn’t been, Dani didn’t think she’d be capable of answering, her breathing shaking as the woman’s fingertips lingered at her ear after shrugging away her hair. “But I do think you were taught how bad snitching is. Didn’t your parents teach you that when you were younger?” she kept asking and Daniela still kept her mouth shut like she knew answering any of those questions might be a death wish, her eyes anywhere but on the woman’s face. Her heavy touch was the only thing Dani could focus on, she trailed a path from behind her ear to the side of her neck, making the younger squirm lightly, without any room to move. Her touch was nothing like Lara’s or Manon’s, hell, even Logan wasn’t like that. This wasn’t sensual or inviting. No, this was a threat.
The taller woman tilted her head so her lips would just graze the lobe of Dani’s ear, one of her hands was at her hips, pushing her against the table with a force that —in all honesty— wasn’t necessary. Dani wasn’t exactly muscular or super strong to shrug the woman off her even if her hold was a little lighter. That and her brain wasn’t working right, it was panicking, thinking too much, it couldn’t focus on just the danger, it tried focusing on her rattle breathing, on the way her chest became heavy, the way her hands felt lighter, like she was dissociating just to avoid this entire situation. “Snitches get stitches, my dear. Haven’t you heard?” her other hand found Dani’s waist, squeezing it with a force that surely would leave a mark. She bruised very easily. “And a little bird told me, you’ve been telling a certain someone about my business.”
Dani felt like she was swallowing sandpaper.
“Let me make something clear, before it goes over your head.” she moved her hand while she spoke and Dani found herself completely frozen. She couldn’t speak, couldn’t move, hell, she could barely even breathe. Johanna’s hand was heavy over her uniform, her hand pressing flat on her stomach in a way that made her feel like her bones were being shattered. She’d rather just get a beating than whatever fucked up this shit this maniac was planning to do with her. “I know you probably think Laforteza is the shit around here.” she pushed one of her legs between Dani’s and the younger supported her own weight by gripping the edge of the table, her hands sweaty and shaking, her arms giving into despair. “Just because she walks around wearing those bruises like she’s some sort of bad girl straight out of a shitty teen movie and she sells good and quiet. Because she walks around with her little stoner crew and gives out free glares to anyone who passes by.” the woman let her head tilt down, ghosting over the skin of Daniela’s neck as her hand trailed up to roughly grope her chest, making her breath hitch and the corners of her eyes sting. “But I’m the real shit around here. And you chose to mess with the wrong person. You should take this as a lesson that, around here, you shouldn’t go about sticking your nose into people’s business.” a harsh bite to the side of her neck following the words. If this woman didn’t kill her right then, Dani worried the lump in her throat might choke her to death. She wanted to scream, to be heard, it wasn’t possible that there wasn’t a guard lurking around to make sure there wasn’t a fucking rape happening in places they couldn’t see. But her throat was dry and it felt like she’d been swallowing rocks lately. So, she just looked up, partly to swallow her tears, partly to pray that she’d just drop dead instead of having to face this.
Then, the small creak of the door came again. Daniela’s eyes had never followed a sound so swiftly in her entire life. “Oh. Am I interrupting something?” it seemed like Laforteza’s first instinct was to leave when she came across the scene, but then she let her eyes linger on Johanna’s hands —which she hadn’t moved despite getting caught— and the expression on Dani’s face, terrified, begging for help. Her head tilted, her eyes darkening as she frowned suspiciously. “Everything alright here?” she asked with an edge to her tone, one that gave away that she’d already caught up to the situation. If the woman cared at all, though, she didn’t show.
She turned her head back to Dani, her hand dropping to her ribs instead, which earned a quiet, imperceptible sigh of relief from the younger. “Me and my friend here are just having a little chat about snitching and privacy, isn’t that right, sweetie?” she said with that calm tone that would end up killing her of stress any minute now.
Laforteza didn’t move from her spot even as the assurance was given, standing a few feet away from them, but not as close to the closed door now. She tilted her head, eyebrows furrowing. She wasn’t exaggerated or screaming, but Dani noticed she was on alert of the situation, she noticed that she was moving quietly, like a predator getting ready to take its prey by surprise. The brunette took a small step forward that went unnoticed by the woman, whose eyes were still staring daggers at Dani, hands still on her body with too much force, keeping her from moving. “Aren’t you supposed to be on electric right now?” she asked Johanna, who huffed impatiently and turned her head to the girl.
“Go mind other people’s business somewhere else, Laforteza. We’re not done here.” Dani chocked when she heard the words, she shot the brunette a pleading look, like she was begging her to not leave them alone again.
Laforteza didn’t meet her eyes, but, luckily, it seemed like she had no intention to leave as she quietly stepped closer, Johanna’s face was turned away from her and focused on death glaring Dani. The moment seemed to stop as she saw the older girl reaching into her waistband and pulling out something sharp. A screwdriver. Its sharp edge glowed under the light that spilled through the matte wall of the greenhouse, she pressed the object to Johanna’s side, making her tense. “Actually, I think you are.” she approached the woman closer, pushing the screwdriver against her side slowly, not enough to poke through her uniform or her skin, but enough to make the statement. “Chat’s over.” Laforteza said it into her ear, whispering like a threat. Dani’s heart hammered so loud against her chest she worried for the safety of her ribcage. The tallest of the three of them tensed further, but it seemed like her pride kept her hands glued to Dani, for the younger’s despair. Laforteza’s eyes darted from the side of her face to the hold she had over Dani’s tense body, then she spoke again. “Your problem is with me, it’s always been. Keep her out of this.”
Dani swallowed harshly when nobody moved, the three standing so close she was starting to think she might have a heatstroke. “You and anyone who protects you. Your little sister’s next, by the way.” it was supposed to be threat, followed by a menacing smirk, but she barely even finished her sentence before Laforteza was grabbing her by the back of her uniform and shoving her away from Dani. She sighed in relief when the weight of the woman’s hands on her was relieved, letting herself completely lean on the table behind her, knees folding, hands still shaking as she pressed them flat over the warm material.
“You lay a finger on her, you’re a fucking dead woman. That’s a promise.” again, she wasn’t screaming, but her words were sharp, loud and clear enough as she pointed the screwdriver straight to the woman’s face. Johanna didn’t seem threatened by it, though her body was more tense now, like she saw the way she lost control of the situation. Clearly, she wasn’t counting on Dani having someone to protect her. Honestly, not even Dani was counting on that. She was out there handing out prayers to ten different Gods, somebody had to answer eventually.
“You think I’m scared of you? Please, you’re like a puppy with a knife.” she didn’t sound like she believed her words as she scoffed through them, she sounded like she knew exactly what Laforteza was capable of. They exchanged looks while Daniela was still shaking on the sidelines, lips trembling, eyes watering, completely in awe of everything that happened in the last few minutes. Maybe she should’ve just stuck with the annoying old ladies and washing uniforms. If regret could kill, Dani would’ve been buried 6-feet deep a long time ago.
“Leave. Before I get fifty more years added to my sentence by stabbing you in the eye with this.” for someone that had just loudly claimed to be the boss of this place, it was rather easy for the Laforteza girl to have Johanna scoffing and attending to her wishes. She shot Daniela one last glare, like this was all her fault, and then stomped to the door, trying to slam it but failing miserably considering the material was too light to make a sound that wasn’t that soft creaking when it opened and closed. She guessed maybe the model job-worthy girl in front of her really was kind of a big deal around the place. Who would’ve guessed.
Daniela sighed loudly when the woman finally left, hugging herself as an attempt to ease the shaking of her body. She didn’t even need to blink for the tears that had been gathering in her eyes to fall, though she didn’t let others follow, sniffling and quickly wiping them away in attempt to avoid letting the other girl in the room notice. She did though, turning slowly to eye Daniela with what was probably the most careful glance she ever shot her way. “Hey, you alright?” for the first time, Laforteza’s eyes weren’t suspicious, glaring, threatening, or anything of what Dani had been used to in the past two weeks she’d been there. Instead, they were easy, with just the smallest glint of concern shining through that darkness that still remained unexplored by the girl.
No. No, she wasn’t okay. She was terrified and alone, shaking and all she wanted was to go home, lay in her bed and hide under the warm blankets, in between her infinity of pillows. She wanted out of this place, of this situation. She just wanted out. She nodded despite herself and Laforteza nodded back, almost to herself as well, as she bit her bottom lip in thought. Dani couldn’t get over how unarmed she looked, despite being armed with a screwdriver, she looked the most gentle she’d ever looked to her. “Uh— I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced. I’m Sophia. Laforteza, but you already know that.” she moved awkwardly, so unlike the fearless criminal Dani had been viewing her as of late. She put her hand out and the curly haired girl took it with the smallest of smiles, sniffling again despite having been able to swallow all her tears from before.
Sophia.
That surely didn’t sound as intimidating as this girl was. She couldn’t suppress the small smile as she thought over the information.
“Dani.” was all she said before letting go of Sophia’s cold hand, contrasted with her sweaty, warm one. She didn’t seem to mind it, though, she didn’t even wipe it on her uniform after they let go.
“Dani.” the way she repeated it under her breath made Dani let out a quiet, amused chuckle that went unnoticed by the girl. Her breath hitched when Sophia walked closer and quickly tucked the screwdriver in her waistband, not letting the touch linger for too long, like she knew what she’d think if she did. Dani looked at the object on her waistband, then she tilted her head up to lock eyes with Laforteza again. “Take this back to the dorm, hide it somewhere safe. Under your mattress, or maybe with your uniforms. Somewhere they can’t find. It’s just a safety matter. I’ll take care of the onions.” she nodded vaguely towards the seeds and the soil Dani had been taking care of before that entire mess happened, she felt her heart soften a little at the calm, caring tone in Sophia’s voice, so different from the threatening calm she'd met a couple times in that prison already, though she really tried not to think anything of it. This was still the same girl that had a hundred charges and severals years of jail on her back. Maybe this was how she made her victims, by charming them with that soft, caring voice and that pretty smile of hers. Dani found herself moving to do what she’d been told, making her way towards the greenhouse’s door while Sophia moved to put on the discarded gloves. “And, Dani—“ she turned when she heard her name being called, meeting Laforteza’s eyes again. “If she ever comes near you again, you tell me, okay?”
Her breath caught, being reminded of what just happened, but a strange warmth blossomed in her chest at the thought of a possible small alliance between herself and the girl standing before her. She nodded quietly. “Okay.”
Manon kept her eyes trained to the bottom part of the top bunk, her eyes skimming over the worn edges and structure for the hundredth time, wondering if it’d eventually just collapse on her face once and for all. She’d been in the same position since Lara left. At some point after Lara fell asleep on the previous day, Manon’s eyes started drifting closed as well as she watched over her quietly, her breathing following the rhythm of Lara’s as she let her head lean against the wall behind her and her mind go blank for a few hours. She didn’t even know how, but she ended up laying by Lara’s side when Yoonchae came back, saying something about the counting and how Lara had to go back to her dorm, which she did sluggishly and with several mumbled protests.
It wasn’t like they’d been cuddling or anything, it was like Manon’s body knew its limits even while she was unconscious, and it knew that sleeping with Lara Raj —literally— was a really bad idea and something she might not come back from. Manon was pressed against the wall and Lara was curled within herself when they were woken up by her cellmate. It should’ve been awkward for both of them, two people who did not like each other at all, waking up side by side on the same bed, it should’ve been uncomfortable for the both of them. But Lara was high off the painkiller she'd given her earlier and barely even coherent as she got up from the bed with a sequence of tired groans, almost taking Manon’s blanket with her as she pulled it off the bed when she moved. She was too gone to even realize they fell asleep side by side, she probably barely even remembered it.
But Manon did.
She woke up that morning remembering it.
Not only that, but maybe she shouldn’t have taken that cigarette from Yoonchae before Lara arrived, because when she woke up in that morning, her lips were trembling and cold, her skin was paling and she felt so nauseated she could barely get out of bed. She told Yoonchae to go on to breakfast without her, that she’d sleep in, but her body was shaking in agonizing spasms, like her withdrawals were coming in later, like her body had been triggered by that half cigarette she smoked on the previous day. Her baby hairs stuck to her face, now drenched in sweat as her temperature shifted quicker than Daniela’s mood, going too low and then too high in mere seconds.
Manon did the same thing she did when that happened as soon as she got thrown in there, she spent the entire day rotting in bed, holding back the will to vomit, shaking until her muscles became sore from how tense they were and just waiting to see if any guards would come by to torment her. None had done on her second day there, so she was almost positive they wouldn’t decide to care now.
But there was a slight difference between this day and her second day there.
Because, in that day, she didn’t have the knowledge that there was someone within the facility that had exactly what she needed in hands.
She really tried to fight those thoughts. She knew it was better for her and everyone if she just pushed through a few terrorizing days and stayed clean while she was in there. Hell, if Manon stayed clean for the time she’d be in jail, she’d proudly have 3 years of sobriety to brag about when she got out. She knew it was the smartest, most reasonable choice. But Manon had never been smart, reasonable, much less. She kept thinking about the feeling she’d get before she got thrown in there, about the parties she went to in college, the acid melting on her tongue, liquid courage running through her veins, or even just the occasional blunt would be enough right then. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She sighed just thinking about it.
It took her almost the entire day to gather up enough strength —and courage, to be honest— to push herself out of bed and drag her feet out the door of her shared cell. She had pulled on one of those cotton long sleeved shirts that the prison provided along with their uniforms, the one that wasn’t completely ruined by antiseptic mixed with Lara’s blood from the previous day. As Manon dragged herself through the halls, no prying eyes on her, no one really minded if she was dying or not, she wondered how Lara was. For a brief second, she wondered about her night. Did she sleep well? Was she feeling better? Did the painkiller help? Did Manon accidentally kill her of an overdose and now all of her prison flings would come after her to lynch her? The same questions kept lurking over her mind as she crossed the halls, only quietly hoping to maybe bump into Lara on her way out to the yard.
She didn’t, though. The girl was probably off somewhere else, and apparently so was Daniela, whom she hadn’t seen since yesterday’s breakfast. Though that might’ve been her fault since she stayed in her room the entire day and skipped breakfast that morning. Maybe they were even together, doing whatever they did in their shared free time that Manon tried not to think too much about.
The sun was warm against her skin when Manon stepped out of the building and into the yard. Her skin was shivering but she was sweating under the fabric of her uniform, and her lips’ skin was slowly detaching, like she was dehydrating really fast even without vomiting. She didn’t understand why it was hitting her this hard now, Manon had gone through worse withdrawals back when she was still free and Dani’s friend, but this one was really up there on the list.
She let her eyes wander through the yard when she stopped at the steps. There were a few inmates running laps on the soccer field that was never used for anything other than running, since the ball was blown and the counselor didn’t care enough to replace it with a new one. Some others played chess under a small, covered picnic table area. A few of them just hung around, some on their own, some in pairs or groups. But Manon could assure that, even with that amount of sociality, and with the attempt to make this place look friendly and calming under the sunlight with the view of several hills and mountains around them, the atmosphere was tense. The inmates ran laps like they were training for a planned riot, waiting for a moment to run free. The ones who played chess eyed their opponents with deep glares, as if their lives were on the line of the winner. Even the people who just hung around were whispering and mumbling among each other, like the guards standing at strategic spots might overhear them.
She found her on a section of the yard furthest away from the building, just rounding the corner. Where there were a few old, abandoned stands that seemed to be taken off the soccer field to be replaced with the high fences that now surrounded it. There, on those hidden stands, was the one and only Sophia Laforteza, exchanging words with a woman that must’ve been at least 20 years older than her, a woman with a nasty scar over her right eye and her hair greying from the root, probably from the stress of being in this hell. If she were in any other situation, perhaps a normal one, Manon would’ve looked at that scene and immediately turned on her heel, it was probably something important if it was being discussed one on one like that so far away from the guards’ eyes. But her arms and legs were weak and shaking and the nausea was so bad she worried she might throw up and pass out before she even made it to the other side of the yard.
She needed something. Now.
So, her legs moved on their own, crossing the yard with her white sneakers staining in the dirt’s grass. She didn’t walk with purpose, she walk tiredly, her feet dragging through the soil, her arms hanging on either side of her body. She was probably sickly pale by now. Basically, she walked like a dead body, making her way toward the pair. Her walk was so subtle that Sophia and the woman sitting alongside her took a moment before they noticed the new presence.
The presence in question being Manon, leaning against the broken lamppost set up close to that area of the yard, her eyes lightly twitching from the amount of light exposure. “Sophia?”
They turned her way, eyeing her with their eyes narrowed, though Sophia’s eyes were less untrusting, different from the woman beside her, who looked at Manon like she might as well have been armed to the teeth instead of clearly dying of withdrawals. “We’ll talk later.” were Laforteza’s words to the woman. She turned to the younger girl, stunned.
“Seriously?” she asked in disbelief, the other girl only tilting her head as a way to say ‘fuck off’ with less words.
“I have business to settle.” she lied. Because, of course she did. There was just no way Sophia already knew what Manon was here for from the one word she muttered with difficulty. Despite herself, the woman scoffed and pushed herself up, sending her a death glare and shouldering her as she passed by, making Manon lose the little balance she had and hold onto the lamppost with her dear life. When the woman got away, the two girls stayed there, quietly staring at each other under the sunlight —which, by the way, was not helping Manon’s general health state—. Manon’s eyes gave away that she wanted something, that she needed something from the girl sitting before her. As for Sophia’s, her eyes were a void. They were dark and deep and she gazed at Manon with that lightness she carried around, like nothing ever stressed her, like she was always collected, no matter how many bruises on her face or how many years were added to her sentence.
After a few seconds of just that quiet staring contest, Laforteza nodded at the empty space beside her, leaning back against the higher step of the small set of bleachers. Manon moved hesitantly, untrusting as always. She had her arms wrapped around herself, still shivering despite the burning hot sun on their backs. Sophia was clearly alarmed by the other girl’s state, she herself was sweating over this heat, her uniform sleeves pulled up to her shoulder, leaving prominent biceps to show, and her hair was tied within itself, a few stray strands sticking to her sweaty nape. “How do you know my name?” she asked when Manon sat down, keeping a distance from the other girl just in case.
Manon had found out just yesterday that the inmates weren’t aware of Sophia’s first name. She remembered Lara’s reaction to hearing it for the first time. Then, she remembered Lara. Then she shivered, just because. Her voice was ragged when she spoke, “Your sister’s my cellmate, she calls you that.” her teeth slightly clattered as the words blended into each other, her hands sweaty and clutching at the long sleeves of her shirt. “She— uh…she tells me you can get…stuff?” Manon figured it was better to just rip the bandaid off and ask once and for all, there was no reason to be wasting time making small talk with someone who was a threat to her just by existing.
She had no idea how dealing worked inside prisons. Did they sell for money? Did they have to prostitute themselves for the drugs? Did they just give them out and put in debt for when they were free? She wouldn’t know.
Back home, it was pretty simple on both ways.
To buy, she’d call Malcolm, a scrawny, brunette boy with big glasses and deep eye bags who also happened to be her dealer. She’d ask what was new, what he had for her, and it was usually the same thing every week. Then, they’d meet in a low-key spot, an alley or an abandoned park. When she’d get there, he’d throw a few comments her way, failed attempts at flirting that would get on her nerves, offering to lower the price if she sucked him off. She’d always say no, tell him to fuck himself, give him the money —the right amount—, get her stuff and leave him there standing. To sell, it was even simpler. There was a school in her old neighborhood, the one she attended before switching to Daniela’s fancy boarding High School with a scholarship. The kids there already knew who she was, the ones who bought spread the news fast. She wouldn’t give out her contact, she knew it was stupid and there was a higher possibility of getting caught, but she’d always stay in the same place, on the back exit of the school, always keeping low-key, never drawing too much attention. Kids would line up to buy from her, she’d say she made about 250 dollars a day, and that was just from weed. Teenagers usually didn’t buy stronger stuff, but the ones that did, they paid well.
“Depends on what you’re looking for.” the girl kept that mysterious presence about her in her words. Manon caught her eye and sent her a knowing look, one that she made easy to read, so misinterpretations would be out of the table. Sophia bit the insides of her mouth, considering her unspoken words, then she adverted her gaze from Manon’s to take a look around. The bleachers were hidden and exempt from cameras, it was like this spot was meticulously planned to have sketchy barters in it. She kept her eyes on the corner of the building for a few seconds, there was a small glimpse to the rest of the yard through there, but it didn’t seem like any guards were lurking around, at least not in their eyesight.
Then, quietly, without making any eye contact with the older girl, Sophia reached under her shirt, fingers fumbling under the fabric of the uniform for a few seconds before pulling out a small bag, in which was kept an even smaller amount of the white powder Manon hadn’t seen in several weeks. She only caught a glimpse of the product before Laforteza placed it on the space between them and quickly put her hand over it, keeping it hidden and out of Manon’s reach. “That’ll be fifty.” she informed with her voice lower, as if she suspected suddenly that the place had been bugged. Manon’s eyes widened at the price, she wondered if anyone had that kind of money just laying around in prison.
“Seriously? I used to deal, I know you’re not charging me fifty for three grams of coke.” her voice was a little hoarse as she tried to keep it low. Manon herself would sell at least 7g on that price, there was no way she was spending that much. It was almost a heist in broad daylight. That and she also didn’t just have that kind of money simply laying around. She wasn’t even sure they had legal access to physical cash in that place, her counselor had informed her that her payments were all cashed into a private account that she didn’t even have access to.
“This is prison, not your local neighborhood.” Sophia shrugged and Manon just kept looking at her like she was out of her mind, as if she’d grown another head at each word she spoke. “Fifty. Or no deal.”
“No fucking way.” the other girl shrugged once more and started moving her hand, still on the bench, hiding the small bag to put it away again. Manon’s eyes widened at that and her arms moved before her brain did, placing her hand on top of Laforteza’s to keep her from taking the drug away. Sophia looked at her with much more calm than Manon though she would, so, she didn’t move her hand as she spoke again, her words pleading and eyes begging. “C’mon, man, I don’t have that kinda money lying around. I just got here, I earn like three dollars a day and it’s all cashed in.” she tilted her head closer to the brunette, who never wavered in her nonchalant expression. It was sort of enraging, how calm she remained in any situation, despite her reputation of always being the first to pick fights. “Look at me, I really fucking need this right now.” it was then that Sophia did a once over her face, her eyes narrowed as she analyzed every bit of Manon’s paled skin. The Bannerman girl cleared her throat, adverting her eyes to the steps under them before speaking again. “I’ll do anything else.”
Sophia seemed to consider that for a moment. A moment that was filled with Manon’s instant regret over her own words. ‘I’ll do anything else’? What the fuck? Who knew what freaky shit this literal convicted felon would put her up to after a statement like that? Sometimes she was baffled by her own mind. Sophia leaned back on the bleachers, their hands still in contact on the bench their were sat at, hiding what Manon needed most right then. Her response was as subtle as she portrayed herself to be. “I take information as payment too.” she informed, her eyes fixated on Manon like she didn’t need to look at anything else in that moment.
In return, Manon’s gaze wavered more than her nervous system in that moment, looking anywhere but those deep black oceans behind Laforteza’s gaze. “I told you, I just got here. I don’t know anyone.” she answered, still kind of pleading for mercy even though Laforteza was already working around loopholes in her business for the sake of Manon's problem.
“You do know someone.” Sophia answered calmly, she had this look in her eye when their eyes met again, like she already had the person in mind.
Manon’s eyebrows were drawn together in thought. She only spoke to two people in that place. Well, she only spoke to one person, but she doubted Sophia would be at all interested in Daniela. The girl never caused any trouble, she just kept to herself, moping around with that face of someone who knows she doesn’t belong there. Lara, though, she was the type to get in trouble, to make a name out of herself inside that place. It wouldn’t surprise her if the two of them had beef. It was so on brand for Lara to have beef with someone like Laforteza. “Lara?” when Sophia shook her head quietly, Manon’s frown deepened. “Dani?” she asked, her tone carrying an edge of confusion that only stretched deeper when the brunette nodded slowly.
“Tell me what she’s in for.”
It was a simple request. She wasn’t asking her for money, or to kill someone, or to give her head. She wasn’t asking anything freaky or illegal, or just extremely uncomfortable for Manon. She just wanted to know why Dani was in prison. She just wanted the reason why she was thrown in. But it still unsettled the girl. “Why would you care about that?” Manon asked before she even processed the request. The question didn’t sit right with her. Sophia could’ve asked her to do anything —as Manon quite literally stated she’d do anything that wasn’t paying money—, and the Bannerman girl doubted someone like Sophia didn’t have priorities in a place like this. She could’ve asked anything of her, and, instead, she just wanted to know something as useless as Daniela’s charges? That couldn’t be right, there had to be a reason behind it.
Laforteza’s eyebrows tilted up at Manon’s question, “That’s none of your business.” her response came quick and even a little sharper than all of the other words she'd offered Manon ever since she sat down. “You want the coke? Just tell me what she did.” her tone held finality to it, her head just slightly tilted to the side as she spoke, and Manon hesitated.
Theoretically, yeah, it wasn’t that big of a deal. It was just a barter between two inmates, it didn’t have to mean Sophia would do anything bad with the information. But something ugly grew in Manon’s stomach as she thought about it, about what could be the reasoning behind the younger’s sudden interest in her best friend’s criminal file. Then, she remembered that one night in the library, when Manon first got there and Dani sat her down and told her everything that happened. Why she was in here, how scared she was of this place. As she remembered her endless tears and her words of desperation, she recalled other moments they shared, before everything went to shit. Stolen stares across the classrooms they shared, stolen kisses in the drunken and high haze of college frat parties, subtle caresses of skin on skin in the dimmed light of her dorm, quiet promises that had never been upheld. She and Dani weren’t in the best of terms, but it didn’t mean she didn’t care about her. Dani was her entire world once. She was once the only reason why she was clean, the only reason why she held on. She couldn’t just betray her like that, not when she didn’t know what Sophia’s intentions were.
But then, a shiver tensed her entire body under the warm sun, her head lightening for a moment, reminding her of why she was in this situation in the first place. She looked down at where her hand was still covering Sophia's, trembling from withdrawal shocks. Noticing her hesitation, the other girl sighed and moved her hand to pull away and take away the small bag. Manon’s eyes widened in desperation and she sucked in a breath, her hand gripping Sophia’s to keep hers in place. “Manslaughter.” she blurted out, earning an interested look from the Laforteza girl, her eyebrows shot up in a show that she was colored intrigued. “She’s in for manslaughter.” as if it wasn’t bad enough that Manon had revealed it, she repeated it despite her brain telling her to shut the fuck up.
Sophia gave her a small smirk, satisfied. Then, she fisted her hand and turned it upwards, opening it so her palm would make contact with Manon’s, the plastic of the bag sticking to the sweaty skin of her hand as she pulled it to herself and hid it on her bra. The bag was so small she was afraid she might even forget it there. With that, the taller girl pushed herself up, dusting off her hands from the dirty bleachers and descending a few steps as she spoke up again. “Pleasure doing business with you…” she left the sentence hanging, waiting for Manon to fill it in.
She jumped up at the realization. “Manon.”
“Pleasure doing business with you, Manon.” she shot her a quick wink before continuing down the steps. “Cool name!” Sophia said as she finally started walking away, rounding the corner of the building and disappearing from Manon’s eyesight. When the girl was gone, she let out a long breath she didn’t even realize she was holding during the entire exchange. Her head was thumping from the pain as she pressed her hands to her face, thinking about what she’d just done. Dani would be pissed if she ever found out. Thank God they weren’t exactly on the same page yet, it’d make it easier for Manon to hide this and the fact that she was using again. Whatever, no one’s perfect.
It was with that thought in mind that she pushed herself off the bleachers —about 10 minutes after Sophia was already long gone— and started making her way back to the inside of the building, the sun already falling behind her, painting the sky in different shades of orange and purple across the long fields and hills that surrounded the isolated facility. She didn’t linger on the beauty of the sunset, though, she had more important needs to attend to.
Dani entered the bathroom with a relieved sigh upon finding it completely empty. She missed most things from back home, the food, her bed, her old superficial friends that actually hated her and were too chicken to admit it. But the thing she missed the most, was the privacy. God, Dani would give up one of her limbs just to be able to walk into the bathroom, close and lock the door, turn on a hot shower and spend 50 minutes in the vulnerability of her own thoughts under the running water, letting it wash away every worry, every delayed project, every fight with her boyfriend, all the guilt she felt. Now her showers were shared, public for anyone to see.
She’d never been ashamed of her body, she’d never had a problem with wearing mini skirts and crop tops that cut a little too high on her torso. But that was only because she’d never been in a situation like that before. People back home only saw her body when she wanted them to see. The party goers at the club only saw the curve of her ass when she chose to wear a mini dress, Manon only saw her body bare of any layers when she chose to undress for her, people at college only caught glimpses of her stomach when she chose to wear a high crop. But not here. Here, if she wanted to shower, she was forced to let everyone else see her, even if she didn’t really want it.
And, yes, most of them didn’t mind. That cliche saying that goes something like ‘Nobody is paying attention to you, because they’re too busy thinking about themselves’ was very true. Not only that but they were all women, criminals or not, there was a sort of mutual respect that came along with situations like those. They kept their eyes elsewhere, they avoided comments, the chatter on the bathroom was really more about the latest gossip or who fucked whose prison situationship. But not all of them were like that. Some of them were creeps. Some of them were like Johanna. Some pair of eyes lingered shamelessly, hands ‘accidentally’ grazed skin when they passed by. It had Daniela reminding herself that some of these women were predators and pedophiles. There wasn’t a limit to what crime each of them committed, they were all over the law in there.
So, yeah, it was relieving to find the bathroom empty.
Daniela placed her hygienic products —the ones of the lowest quality she could buy with the amount of money she made in there— on top of the small wall that served as a stall divisor, pulling closed the white, worn curtain that worked as a door. She had folded her clothes and placed them over the bench just outside the shower, so she wouldn’t have to walk around in a towel. With her slippers still on, she refused to step on that disgusting floor, Dani turned the knob to let the freezing cold water run over her entire body.
The weight of what had happened earlier was still in her mind, in her stomach and in every other part of her body. She’d gotten away from the greenhouse with her eyes filled to the brim, but she hadn’t spilled any tears on her way back to her dorm, where she carefully hid Sophia’s screwdriver among her clean uniforms in the drawer. She knew here this would be considered a weapon, and she knew owning a weapon could imply trouble with her sentence and her goal of reaching a good behavior level and maybe getting early release. But she couldn’t help it. She wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing Johanna was just a few squares away.
She hadn’t spilled any tears for Johanna to see. She hadn’t spilled any tears for Sophia to see. She hadn’t spilled any tears on her way back. But there, under the cold water running from the low budget shower, Daniela finally let her heart truly shatter and her eyes overflowed with no restraint. She trembled from both the low temperature of the shower and the eventful morning she had. Manon being missing, her argument with Lara, the whole thing in the greenhouse, it was just too much for her mind to process like that. She thought about Laforteza’s sudden protectiveness over her. Dani knew she was probably just repaying what she did by warning her about the poisoned cup of water a week ago. But something in Daniela’s gut said there was more, that, even though she felt like a small part of her had died today, a new alliance might have started to birth. The way Sophia spoke carefully after Johanna was gone, asking if she was okay, giving her a weapon to protect herself, kept Dani's chest warm even after the interaction was past her. ‘If she ever comes near you again, you tell me, okay?’. The words swirled between all of Dani’s thoughts, they echoed in her mind. That tone that Dani had yet to hear from Laforteza, directed at anyone, but most surprisingly, directed at her. Her tears mixed with the water from the shower that ran down her face, making them almost invisible, but her sobs were unmistakable, they resonated within the bathroom walls, they were swallowed by the mirrors as a promise, a vow that couldn’t be broken.
About 20 minutes later, Dani was standing in front of the mirror. Her uniform was on, though she made sure to pick another one, she’d never wear the uniform she’d worn today ever again. Now its only utility was to keep her newest weapon hidden. She took a look at herself in the old mirror, its corners rusted and darkened from the time it’d been there. Her eyes were red rimmed and swollen, she looked like she’d either been crying her eyes out or snorting an insane amount of cocaine. If somebody asked, maybe she’d resort to the second option. It was less humiliating than what had happened today. Her nose was also red and irritated from how much she’d rubbed her forearm over it and her stomach was grumbling in hunger.
Dinner must’ve been served by now, it’d been a while since the sun had gone down. Although the hunger consumed her stomach, Dani didn’t make her way towards the dining hall when she exited the shower to put away her things on the dorm. Even though she was hungry, she doubted she could stomach anything right now, much less that disgusting food they served for dinner. She also didn’t want to risk seeing Lara and getting into an argument she had no intention of repeating. She had no mental strength to deal with anyone screaming at her either. She didn’t want to linger on the dorm, afraid that Johanna might pull up and see her there, alone and vulnerable, practically waiting for her. Basically, she wanted to be as alone as possible.
So, Dani made her way to the only place she knew would be a ghost room at this hour.
The library.
It didn’t even matter that it was all the way across the prison and she had to walk for about 15 minutes to get there. The quietness of the room was worth it.
As expected, there wasn’t a soul sitting on the large tables, no one roaming through the shelves, looking for a good read. Dani debated if this should become her new safe place, since the dorm was a hard no now. She walked among the shelves, her eyes only skimming over various book titles, but she hadn’t actually been looking for anything to read and get into. She searched from something light, maybe a magazine or something that had images and pictures, just to distract her mind from the disgraceful day she’d had. Probably one of her worst ones to date inside this place.
Not that any day had been good, but some were just harder than others.
Before Dani could find a book that held up to her requirements, a soft sniffle drew her attention, her head turning to look at the shelves beside her, from where the sound appeared coming from. Her first thought was Manon. Maybe the reason why she’d been missing the whole day was because she was tucked in here, crying on her own, scared of this place and what it was holding for her. It made sense, since Manon knew this room was quiet at night, considering Dani had brought her there to talk on her first night.
The image that struck her when she rounded the corner was less expected, though.
It wasn’t Manon.
No, it was pink streaks girl.
Megan.
She was lying down, back to the floor, legs propped up on the last shelve of the room, the one glued to the building’s wall. Held loosely in her hand was a bottle wrapped in a brownish wrap, tied around with what really looked like a hair tie. She was looking at the ceiling as if she were admiring the most beautiful of constellations, hair sprawled out like a halo around her head. Megan took about 5 minutes to notice Daniela standing there, looking puzzled and just as upset as she was. It was then that the girl shifted on the floor, her legs folding as she moved to sit with her back to the bookshelf, the bottle now clutched in her lap. Her face had a blush to it, one that only could’ve been caused by the ingestion of alcohol.
God, Dani could use some of that right now.
“Rough night?” the girl asked with her voice embargoed. It didn’t look like she’d been sobbing as much as Dani had been an hour ago in the shower, but it was safe to say she was at least tearing up a bit as she sniffled again, not afraid of looking weak in front of an unknown convicted felon.
“Rough month.” Dani answered, but she didn’t move from where she stood a few feet away, arms crossed over her torso.
Megan tilted the bottle towards her with a small grin to herself, but Dani caught it. “Want some liquid courage? I don’t mind sharing.” the brunette offered. Dani’s mind thought about it for about one second before she was walking forward and grabbing the bottle from the younger’s hand. Maybe her problem was that she was always thinking too much, always dissecting every little interaction, every single conversation. Maybe she just needed to be a little more nonchalant. Maybe she just needed to be a little more like Sophia Laforteza, who walked around with screwdrivers on her waistband and jumped straight into trouble without ever thinking of the consequences. Maybe, and just maybe, if she let her mind be a little more blank, she might not suffer as much in this place.
She might not get taken advantage of if she doesn’t do the thing that makes her the most vulnerable.
So, sitting down, Dani took a long swig of the bottle. She regretted it almost immediately when the taste of pure alcohol burned through her throat and down into her stomach, the drink was so strong it might as well have dissolved all of her organs as it went down harshly, making her head spin. When she swallowed, the action was followed by a grimace and a fit of coughing, Dani covering her mouth as she handed the bottle back. “Jesus Christ, what the fuck is this? Gasoline?” she asked with her voice hoarse from the strong drink.
Megan let out a gruff laugh at the face she made, taking another gulp of the liquid, the action being followed by a contained grimace of her own. At least Daniela wasn’t the only one who thought this was terrible. “I have no idea. Honestly? It might be.” she was joking, but the first sentence made Dani’s eyes widen in concern. What the fuck had she just ingested?
She took the bottle back, pulling off the hair tie to push down the wrapping around it, only to find the label to the bottle completely torn off. Her heart stopped for a moment, the fear of having ingested something that might kill her by tomorrow starting to grow in her chest. See, this was why she always overthought every single thing in her life! “Did you just buy this without knowing what it was?” Dani asked with her eyes wide, pulling the wrapping back up to tie it again and give it back to Megan, who —despite not knowing what the drink was— took yet another long swig of the liquid inside.
“Yeah, sometimes the dealers don't got all the info. Better that way, though, it’s cheaper.” Megan shrugged with the bottle still in hand as Dani frowned and denied it when she was offered again. “You don’t have to worry, Laforteza’s stashes are always legit. She just tears off the label because it’s refilled. I trust her.” with that information, Dani sighed and took the bottle again to take another sip of that drink, which seemed like it was curated by satan himself. If she was going to die, at least she’d die drunk. She was already at her rock bottom anyway, it couldn’t get much worse than that.
“Laforteza?” she asked after the bitter taste had given way to her voice, using the hem of her uniform to dry up her lips. Did Sophia sell stuff under the guards’ noses in there? Was that why Johanna had claimed she ‘sells good and quiet’? Dani’s mind fell into the overthinking rabbit hole once more as she gave the bottle back to Megan, the two of them alternating sips now.
“Yeah, she’s the one with like really dark hair and a surprisingly pretty face? She’s always injured, though, so like I don’t know if—“ she interrupted Megan mid rant. For some reason, Dani didn’t feel scared for herself when she did, it was like she knew Megan wasn’t a threat despite being a literal convicted felon. Maybe it was because she found her here crying on her own, maybe it was because she identified with her, almost always sitting alone, always awkward around the other inmates. Something told Dani that she also didn’t belong in here, much like herself. But not belonging there was different than not deserving to be there. And Dani was leaning rather quickly that she did deserve it.
“No, I— I know who she is, I just didn’t know she sold alcohol.” now it was Megan’s turn to look surprised, her drunken eyes looking at Dani with confusion, like it’d be odd to know Laforteza for anything else.
“Girl, she sells everything from molly to razor blades. That girl is a dealing machine.” Dani frowned at the newfound information about her square mate, starting to bite at the skin of her lips as she did, even though they were already basically raw. It made sense now, why Sophia was so talked about, so feared and influential. She probably kept dozens of addicts at bay in this prison, and who knew what else she gave away at that point? God, Daniela wanted to learn more about that girl so badly, it was almost a little pathetic. Every time she saw her, she thought back to what Lara had told her, about her mom also being an inmate there, and then her sister getting thrown in. She felt like there was something so deep rooted in Sophia’s family and it interested her like a new season to the show she binged in one go. If they were in any other situation, Dani would just outwardly ask her about it. She’d always been shameless and extroverted like that. But now she was in prison, and she couldn’t just go about asking about life-long sentenced criminals’ backgrounds without fearing a stab wound. “So, what’s got you all teary?” Megan’s voice pulled her out of the black hole that never failed to open in Dani’s mind when Laforteza was the source of the first thought.
“What’s got you all teary?” she shot back.
“Ah, it’s stupid.” Megan didn’t feel targeted by the question as she just leaned back, sulking with the bottle in her hands before taking another gulp, coughing lightly. “You know Lara, right?” a pit grew in Dani’s stomach as she thought about her fight with the girl earlier, but she nodded despite the sinking feeling. The brunette looked down at the bottle again, smiling in irony. “We kinda broke up today.” she said.
What?
In that moment, Dani really, really prayed that Megan wasn’t sentenced for murder or something like that, because she’d surely get bald —or even killed— if she learned Dani had been…experiencing with her girlfriend all this time. But it didn’t make sense, when she thought about it, Lara did say they weren’t together on that one night in their cell, when everything started. Had she lied to get in Dani’s pants? “You guys were together?” she couldn’t help but ask, already thinking over a speech to give Lara tomorrow if it was the case.
But then, to her relief, Megan shook her head and laughed sarcastically. Almost like she was laughing at herself. “No, not really. She always made that clear, I just…I always confuse things.” her voice staggered a little and Dani eyed her with a mix of regret and pity shining in her hazel eyes. Megan shrugged when they made eye contact, probably noticing Dani’s apologetic look. “I know y’all been fucking, it’s cool.” she said with a lightness to her tone that caught Daniela by surprise, she shifted her position on the floor to sit beside Megan rather than face her and took the bottle back for another throat cutting, stomach curling swig.
She was sure she lost at least 10 years in her lifespan every time she drunk another sip of that horrendous drink.
She could punch Sophia for how bad it tasted.
“Sorry. I didn’t know you—“ she was immediately interrupted by the other girl, who just waved her off.
“It’s cool, seriously, no grudge. I told you, we weren’t exclusive.” her tone seemed genuine enough.
They stayed quiet for a few seconds, just passing the bottle back and forth, before Avanzini spoke again. “If it’s any consolation for you, we fought today too.” she earned a confused look at that before elaborating, forgetting Megan had already been drinking before she even got there. Not only that, but this drink was super strong, so strong that Dani herself was starting to feel the edges of her eyesight blurring, her tipsy state approaching faster than anticipated. “Me and Lara.”
Megan frowned like she didn’t understand why she’d be consoled by that information. “Really? Why?” she asked and Dani just shrugged, implying that she didn’t want to talk about it. Surprisingly, Megan respected her quietness, nodding to herself and taking another sip like she needed the liquid courage to speak up her next words. “Well, you guys should be okay soon. Lara really likes you.”
Dani frowned at that, almost in disbelief at the statement. “Really?”
“Yeah, she’s always gushing about her pretty girl.” Dani wished she hadn’t blushed as hard as she did when she heard that comment. But the heat was immediate and it came in hard, her skin was probably a little pale from how long it’d been since she had a proper meal, so it was safe to assume that she was red to the very tip of her ears. Megan laughed at her reaction, and Dani didn’t know if it was because of the drink, but the entire moment just felt like a blissful lightness to the intense day she’d just survived through. “Seriously, though, she clearly likes your company. And I mean that sex aside.”
Dani blushed harder, groaning as she hid behind her hands.
“Your turn.” Megan said when the quiet fit of chuckles died down. “Why are you here in the library drinking alcohol of dubious origin with a stranger instead of going to dinner?” the question wasn’t pressing or invasive, but maybe it was just Megan’s tipsy tone that made it seem that way. That and the feeling of the alcohol mixing up with Daniela’s thoughts as she held onto the bottle, sighing and taking another sip as if the drink was a truth serum and she needed it to speak up.
She didn’t want to talk about it. Even drunk, Dani realized how vulnerable it’d make her look. It was already bad enough that someone like Sophia, who had so much influence and was so powerful and taken seriously in there, knew about how weak and easy to target Daniela was. She didn’t need that word spreading around. But, as she took yet another sip of the strong drink —which, by now, her tastebuds were getting used to—, she realized she could sugarcoat it. It wouldn’t be fair leaving Megan without an answer when she was so open about her own problem, one that Daniela may even have been the source of. “I just, uh…” she trailed off, a rare moment in which Dani really thought over her words before speaking again. “I think I’m just realizing maybe this place is nothing of what I thought it was.”
It was a good enough answer. Vague? Probably, but it was still better than awkwardly sitting there in silence. Plus, Megan was quite literally giving her free drinks, the least she owed her was a little conversation to ease up the tension.
“Ah.” the brunette said when she took the bottle back, but she kept it away from her lips this time, only nursing it in her lap, the paper wrapping crumpling slightly against the fabric of her uniform. “You did your research, huh?”
Daniela’s eyes widened like she’d gotten caught, doing her best to look confused at the question. Megan gave her a nasal laugh, her eyes settled on her face, but no eye contact was made. She kept looking at every detail in Dani’s face like she could memorize every inch of it, like she needed to remember her for a mission, or for something far more important than just their silly little drunken ranting moment in the back of the library. “Don’t worry, I did it too, before I came here. Almost a year ago, I was sitting on my bed, laptop on my lap, searching about Phantom Ridge’s scandals and where it was in the ‘most dangerous penitentiaries’ ranking.” it was the exact same thing Dani had done, which made her wonder who Megan was before she even got in there.
Living here for over two weeks now, Dani could tell, by looking at the inmates, who came from crime even before their sentences were decided. People like Johanna, were the people she could see were there for a handful of reasons, people that weren’t like her and she knew it. Of course, she wasn’t always correct in her assumptions. Hadn’t Lara said everything she did about the Laforteza sisters, Dani never would’ve guessed Sophia was some heavily wanted and feared criminal anywhere. The ‘puppy with a knife’ insult thrown at her earlier was pretty much on point for how she viewed Sophia, despite her mysterious appearance and her nonchalant way of portraying herself. And, of course, the knowledge of the amount of charges she had on her back. Megan didn’t fit in that group of people in Dani’s mind, though. She viewed her like herself and Manon —never mind that the latter had been profiting in crime for years now, Dani couldn’t help but not be able to view Manon as a criminal—, arrested because of one mistake, something that could’ve been avoided.
“But those headlines, and those articles, Dani, they’re all wrong. This place isn't safer than any other prison out there.” her voice lowered into something almost threatening, though it wasn’t quite. It felt more like a warning than anything, a quiet warning that she couldn’t let anyone else hear about. “The only difference between Phantom Ridge and other prisons is that here things happen quietly.” she moved closer as her voice became a whisper, only for Daniela’s ears and no one else’s. And never mind that their faces were flushed from the alcohol and that Dani’s mind was wandering because of the drink, thinking of what else could’ve happened in this place that she didn’t know about. Thinking of how many inmates were like Johanna, always lurking and looking for their weakest prey. Her skin rose in goosebumps just thinking about it. “But these walls…they hear, Dani.” the glint in Megan's widened eyes as she scooted closer unsettled the older girl deeply, not only that but also the seriousness in her tone while saying such incoherent words to Daniela’s alcohol-pilled mind. “They hear, and they whisper to the other inmates.”
Dani let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding when Megan pulled back a little, leaning against the shelf again to take another sip of the warm drink in her hand, she finally adverted her gaze from Dani’s face to the rows of books ahead of them. “I mean, can’t you feel it? Everyone’s tense, everyone knows.” her voice left no room for interpretation, the drunken, mysterious tone confused the curly haired girl’s line of though, which was already completely scrambled from the inebriation. Did Megan know something she didn’t? Was everyone else in this place aware of what was going on, except for herself? “Something’s gonna happen soon, Dani. Something big.”
She had no idea what that meant.
And, in that moment, Dani wasn’t even sure she wanted to know.
Manon buried her hand in her curls, all sprawled out on one of the many pillows placed on her dorm’s bed. Dani was laying on her side, the sheets pulled up under her arm, hiding the rest of her body as she stared up at the girl propped up beside her. Her white skin was flushed red, her breathing out of step, much like Manon’s was. It was kind of endearing to see Dani this tired, knowing the girl had endless stamina from being a dancer. Not only that, but knowing that Manon leveled up to her, even while being borderline sedentary and engaging with substances that surely did not bring any benefits for her health.
She sat up on the bed, letting the sheets slip down and reveal her naked body as she reached over to the bedside table, opening a drawer. Dani followed her movements with her eyes, at first only focused on the view, but then her gaze shifted to where Manon was reaching to, or rather, what she was reaching for. She caught a glimpse of the drawer before it was closed again, the mess of half-filled orange pill bottles that were surely bought without prescription and the remnants of something white that Dani didn’t even like thinking about made her sigh.
In the end, Manon only pulled a professionally rolled blunt from the many options she had. She knew Dani didn’t like being reminded of her habits, and she also knew the younger girl very much did not support her engagement with them. So, she never did anything in front of Dani, even if there was that unspoken knowledge that Manon was definitely doing it behind her back, she was always just careful to not let Dani see her in her worst states. Which was usually when she consumed anything that wasn’t a blunt from inside that one drawer.
“Are you for real?” Dani’s voice wasn’t angry at her, it was worse. It was this small, weak question that seemed like it was strategically planed to shoot through Manon’s heart and make her feel guilty.
She laid back on the mattress, the blunt and lighter still in hand, though she didn’t move to light it. Instead, she just looked down at Dani with those brown eyes, always looking a little let down, a little too tired. “I just— I haven’t…y’know, all day.” she fidgeted with the weed in her hands, now avoiding eye contact as Dani shifted to move closer, resting herself against Manon’s shoulder. It was funny how, even though they’d been like this for over a year now, the skin to skin contact, the view of parts of Dani’s body that very few people in the world were allowed to see, all of this closeness and comfort, it still left Manon a little nervous, like she was doing something wrong. Well, in hindsight, she was. The girl laying bared from any clothing in her bed was far from being hers. But, somehow, it still felt like she was, even if a little bit. “I’m sorry.” she spoke with her voice lower now, almost a whisper, like the walls could hear them and ruin the moment. “I know you hate this. It’s just so I can sleep better, I promise.”
It wasn’t because she needed to detach herself from reality at least once a day or she’d have a breakdown, or anything.
And it wasn’t a problem, she could stop whenever she wanted to.
She just didn’t want to. Ever.
Dani sighed again, giving her puppy eyes as she used her fingertips to caress the skin of Manon’s sternum gently, making goosebumps rise all over the girl's body. “It’s just…” the younger girl sighed again, hiding her face in the crook of Manon’s neck as if she was embarrassed of being sentimental. It made the Bannerman girl’s heart flutter a little. “I just worry about you, Manz. You think you’ve got this under control but…I don’t know, you’re always high now.” it was a quiet confession, Dani was opening her heart to let Manon know how she felt about the way she acted. Of course, the older girl knew this already, it was just something she didn’t want to hear. She didn’t need anymore guilt about it.
“I’m not high right now.” she argued, though with little confidence and defensiveness to her tone. Like she knew Dani was completely right and there was nothing she could say that could fix that.
Dani pulled back from her hiding spot to raise her eyebrows at Manon, unconvinced. “But you’re about to be.” the older girl bit her tongue, swallowing her words. The eye contact was held for a few seconds, maybe even minutes, before it was Avanzini who looked away, only to lie her head close to Manon’s chest, her ear pressed to her skin. She wondered if Dani could hear the loud beating of her heart through only the layers of her body, no fabric between them. The way they lay together, tangled despite the light argument, not an inch of Dani’s sweat laced skin wasn’t in contact with Manon’s own, it was almost visceral. It made her heart jump, hammering against her ribcage, the possibility of the girl by her side learning that made a blush rise to her cheeks. “This is killing you slowly, Manon.” her breath was warm against Manon’s even warmer skin. Her heart skipped 20 beats at once. “And I…I don’t know, I just hate knowing these things are taking time I should have with you.”
She softened almost immediately over the small confession Dani whispered against her, her breath hitching slightly when her lips grazed the skin of her chest, like she was aiming straight for her heart with the words. Maybe she might’ve done it. A lot of people in her life had begged Manon to stay clean, her sister, her friends, past situationships. She always tried, especially when the request came from her sister, but then she always came to the conclusion that it was no use, she didn’t want to be clean, anyway, why do it for somebody else? Wasn’t that morally incorrect and a sign of codependency?
Now, she understood.
Now, looking at Dani, all curled up on her, eyes closed as if she worried her words might’ve crossed a line, her arm loosely wrapped around Manon’s thin waist, her curls lightly sticking to her forehead and the sides of her face, which was shiny with sweat and colored in red, Manon got it. Dani had never been one of big confessions, whether it was love or friendship, she’d never been one to go full out on words and poetry, and she sure as hell had never been the romantic type. But Manon never needed that, all it took was that sentence. Fourteen words. That was all it took for Manon to finally consider it. It was all it took for her to fold.
She brought one of her hands up Dani’s bare back, tangling it in her curls as she ran her fingers through her hair. “Right.” she whispered more to herself than to the girl laying on her, but the shift in position was quiet proof that she’d overheard it. Manon gently pushed Dani off enough for her to sit on the edge of her bed and grab a shirt that was thrown just there on the floor, pulling it over her head. Never mind that it was probably Dani’s and it was probably backwards, the oversized piece of clothing was enough to cover up most of what was exposed. Even if the girl had seen all that a hundred times, Manon still got a little shy to walk around naked with those eyes on her.
Dani didn’t move from the bed, she just eyed the girl curiously as she moved to open that bottom drawer again and pull the orange bottles and emptied bags out. “What…? Manon.” the girl didn’t stop. Instead, she moved to the bathroom, opening the small bottles and tilting them over the toilet one by one until all the pills inside were in contact with the water. The two small plastic bags followed, and then she was pressing the flush button, watching as all of the content she spent so much money in the last few weeks circled around the toilet water and eventually drowned into whatever its destiny was. Manon did it all quickly and impulsively, just so her brain wouldn’t even have the time to process it and change her mind. She threw the blunt she was still holding in the sink, turning the faucet on to soak it, making it useless before throwing it in the trash. When she came back into the bedroom, Dani was still sitting on the bed, her eyes wide as she held onto the blanket covering her chest. “Are you for real?” she asked with the smallest of smiles, a glint of hope in her dilated hazel eyes made a grin appear on the older’s face.
“Yeah,” Bannerman said as she stepped closer to the edge of the bed, the mattress sinking under her weight when she sat down. Then, she reached over to brush one of the strands that was sticking to Dani’s cheeks behind her ear. “I’m for real about that.” she gestured to the bathroom vaguely before inching closer, leaving a small peck to Dani’s full lips, the contact lingering for a few seconds before she pulled away, eyes still closed with the proximity of their faces. “And I’m for real about this.” Manon leaned in again, this time for a deeper, more passionate kiss that was immediately corresponded by the younger girl, who was already pulling her to lean over her on the bed, their mouths never separating even as their breathing became shallow and their hands wandered, exploring known land.
Manon sighed at the memory as she stared at the small bag she’d bought earlier from Sophia. Everyone was in the dining hall. No guards were around. If she was going to do this, now was the perfect time to do so. She paced around the cell, remembering Dani’s words from that one day, her pleading eyes, her own words to her best friend. Dani wasn’t the same anymore, she probably hadn’t been ever since Logan found out about the two of them, and neither was Manon, if she were to be honest.
Thinking back to that night now, it almost felt like another life, a parallel universe they lived in once. It’d only been a few months ago, but Manon felt like she used to be so naive back then. She really thought she was going to stay clean for the rest of her life because her best friend-slash-fuck buddy asked her to do so with a puppy glance her way. And Dani used to be even more innocent than she was, thinking Manon would own up to it, thinking she’d stick to her promise. On that night, she told Dani she was ‘for real’ about two things.
By now, she’d broken both of those promises.
She and Dani were distant, barely speaking, and she had a bag of cocaine in the clammy palm of her hand.
Funny how the tables truly turned, how one single incident could change your life. Who knows? Maybe, if Logan hadn’t found out like that, if Dani had owned up to her own feelings and just broken up with that asshole, maybe they’d be in college together right now, maybe Manon would be clean of drugs and Dani, clean of murder charges. But she hadn’t. And they ended up where they did, behind bars. And the Dani she once knew was gone, replace by another version of her that Manon still hadn’t taken the time to decode yet. She didn’t even know if she wanted to.
“Fuck this.” she cursed under her breath, moving to sit on the stiff, thin mattress of her bunk.
She detached her name tag from the front pocket of her uniform’s shirt, it was about the only thing she could use considering she didn’t have any cards or keys hanging around and her nails weren’t nearly as long as they needed to be. It was like riding a bicycle, she hadn’t done it in a while, but she still knew every step of the way. Manon opened the small plastic bag, tilting it to the side enough to reach the very tip of her name tag inside, gathering a considering amount of the white powder on it. Her hand slightly shook as she brought it up to her nose, tilting her head back as she snorted it all in one ago.
She sniffled a couple times, pressing her eyes shut as she felt her head spin. She knew the effects were almost instantaneous, but Manon was so impatient for it to hit that she almost reached into the bag for more. She wasn’t a rookie, though, so she hid the bag under her mattress before taking a deep breath in, pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes. The world silenced in her ears for a few moments, moments in which her eyes were closed, breathing still normal. And then, there it was. Her heart started skipping a few beats, that rush of adrenaline suddenly racing through her entire body all at once. Manon opened her eyes to find the world’s edges blurring together, the room’s temperature rising up in a manner that made her comfortably uncomfortable.
Just as she felt it all down on her, looking around in the room, footsteps started echoing in her mind. At first, Manon thought she might be imagining things, coke sometimes made her extremely paranoid. So, she covered her ears and closed her eyes, hoping the footsteps would just go away and she’d be left alone to enjoy her high without any ghosts tormenting her mind. But then, after a few seconds of curling into herself, a hand gently reached for her arm, pulling it slowly and making Manon jump on the bed, alarmed.
Lara was standing there, her eyebrows furrowed, her face still injured from the previous day. How long had she been there for? Was she there when she snorted? Manon couldn’t remember. Hell, she didn’t even know if that was really Lara. One time she imagined Dani standing in the shadow of the corner of her rented apartment during a coke haze, and they hadn’t been talking for weeks back then. She tilted her head, eyes wide and puzzled as she stared at the woman in front of her.
Was Lara always this attractive with bruises all over her face?
“Manon, hey! Are you listening to me?” Lara’s fingers snapping in front of her face made Manon fall back into reality as much as she could in the moment with a small jump and a shake of her head.
“Huh?” was the only thing she managed to let out, her eyes apparently frozen in a widened frame.
“I was just asking if you’re okay.” the Raj girl frowned, sitting on the edge of the bed whilst the older was shrinking at the far corner of the bunk where the walls met, like she was shying away from Lara’s proximity. “You missed every meal today. And you’re a little pale.” she observed.
“Yeah. No. I— yeah.” she stammered, her hands restless as she fidgeted with her fingers, it felt like every muscle in her body was craving movement. Usually, Manon would enjoy this thrill, she’d revel in the way her body grew restless and the way every inch of her was hit with that overwhelming adrenaline. But now, with Lara standing so close, looking at her with eyes that she couldn’t read even while sober, Manon felt like she was being cornered. “I’ve just— I was sick. Woke up. Feeling sick. And then, like, I told Yoonchae to just go on without me, because, you know, I was feeling bad. Not that I was gonna sit with her but, like, we always go together. I was probably gonna sit with Dani and not say a word the whole time and watch you two flirting. Where is Dani, by the way? Damn, I haven’t seen her in, like, ten years, I should text someday—“
“Are you high right now?” Lara asked with her eyebrows still drawn together, narrowing her eyes at the restless girl in front of her.
“What?! No! What? Why would even think that?” she tried her best to sound normal, but the deafening thumping of her heart in her ears and the way Lara’s eyes were shining under the white light of the cell had Manon losing her focus in her mission of looking sober.
“Because you never speak this much.” the brown skinned girl said with her tone accusative and Manon shut her mouth immediately, not uttering another word as she urged all of her limbs —and her mind— to be quiet for a few minutes until she got this situation under control. She pushed herself further against the corner of the bed and silently hoped that her eyes were brown enough for Lara not to notice the way her pupils must be completely blown by now. She pressed her palms together, then she dragged them across the fabric of her uniform’s pants, hoping to dry off some of the sweat. Quick, Manon, find a way out of this. Get her to go away! “Seriously, Manon, are you—“
“Look, if this is about whatever happened yesterday, it meant nothing, okay? I was just helping you out because I’m soft hearted and you were all fucked up. And, honestly, nobody else would’ve. And that’s it, just forget about it.” she blurted out, her voice a little loud and a little shaky, much like every single thought in her brain right then. Lara looked at her like she hadn’t even been thinking about that, but her eyes turned a little hurt after the glimpse of confusion. It was then covered up by an indifferent, almost forced glare at the girl on the corner of the bed.
“Fine. Whatever.” she scoffed and pushed herself off the bed, leaving the cell before Manon could even utter another word. She sighed loudly, both in relief and at the feeling of her chest heaving slightly at Lara’s departure. She hadn’t even realized she wanted the girl here until she turned her back and left. What the fuck is happening to me? Manon buried her head in her hands, hitting the side of her sweaty forehead a few times for being so stupid. Lara seemed genuinely concerned when she walked in there. She noticed Manon missed all of the meals on the day and she made an effort to come all the way to her cell and check on her, and all Manon gave her were harsh words, answers to a question she hadn’t even asked. She didn’t even know if Lara was thinking about last night as much as she was. Maybe she only said that because she was quietly hoping Lara remembered it. The soft touch of her fingertips on her wrists, the press of her knee to the side of Manon’s thigh, the way their breathing became synchronized when they fell asleep side by side. Now, even if she did remember it, Manon had blown it. And she wasn’t high enough to drown the feeling of guilt that took over her insides. Maybe she just needed one more. Just one more.
Notes:
things are getting a little darker from now on...
FIRST MEGAN APPEARANCE!! finally all of the girls are introduced:))
i love danon sm:( it actually saddens me a little that they become what they do in this story (talking as if i'm not the one writing it)
ALSO, if manon's scene is a little confusing or inaccurate, i apologize, i've never done cocaine lmao but i did do a lot of research so i hope it was at least acceptablei chose tempest as the title of this chapter because i feel like this song really captures the way dani changes and loses herself gradually as she spends more time in prison and, to me, this is the beginning of her prisoner arc and it's when things start changing for her. i'm really motivated by music and a lot of my writing comes from what i take away from songs, so, if you'd like to understand how i perceive and write dani's character, you can give it a listen !!
Chapter 5: I see you far, I want you near
Summary:
When the days start blending into each other, Dani tries her best to mend her relations with the inmates around her, but it fires back into more trouble on her plate. Manon can’t seem to figure out why her ex-best friend’s ex-cellmate keeps lurking around her all the time. When the lights go out, an unexpected turn of events can mean the start of a new time in Phantom Ridge.
Notes:
sorry abt the long wait for this, been a stressful month & i got food poisoning, so i couldn't write for a few days but now i'm back with some sodani/marz, some danon angst & a sprinkle of maphinz for those who see the vision
here's 25k words of dani having absolutely no clue. that's it :D
no major TW's for this, just overall talks of addiction and drugs and some mild violence
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Dani was alone.
Well, technically, she wasn’t.
She was still surrounded by inmates at all times, to a point where she’d even forgotten what having privacy once felt like.
But she hadn’t spoken to Manon in so long, and that was enough to make her feel like she was, once again, completely alone inside this place.
Something was off about her, Dani was sure about it. She was waking up later than usual, only showing up to meals when everybody else had eaten and the food was already cold and scrambled. Sometimes she didn’t even show up at all. Not only that, but when she did show up, she’d avoid Dani’s table, choosing to sit alone or with other loners instead of following the routine they’d established on that first week since the older had gotten there. To make everything worse, if they were barely speaking before, now Manon would refuse to utter a word to her. The morning after the incident, the first time Manon made her way to another table instead of Dani’s —despite the curly haired girl waiting for her even after she was done eating— the girl had gone over, asked what was wrong, why Manon had disappeared on the previous day. The girl didn’t give her a solid answer, she just muttered a few dry words under her breath, not even bothering with looking up to meet her eyes. It was that situation all over again. The feeling of getting ignored, rejected, ghosted. Dani didn’t think it was possible for someone to do that in a small, restricted place like prison, but Manon proved her wrong.
She didn’t press on it. She could see the girl was having a hard time in there, and maybe, just maybe, Dani was making it worse.
If she wasn’t, then Manon wouldn’t be choosing to completely isolate herself, eating alone and in silence across the cafeteria, away from the girl that once held a piece of her heart in her hands.
Lara was also still mad at her. Though the looks she shot her were anything but scolding and glaring. They were more like genuine hurt. Like Dani’s words —or rather, her thoughts— really had cut something in her. The whole situation made her reflect about how strange relations within this place were. The thought kept coming to her at night, when she’d undeniably be staring at the ceiling, sometimes at the inmate laying a couple feet away from her, too scared to fall asleep with Johanna being just a few squares away. If Dani were in the outside world, if she weren’t behind those bars, she’d never consider Lara a friend. Not because she didn’t like the girl, not because she wasn’t charming and entertaining. It was simply because she didn’t know her. She didn’t know who Lara was, where she came from, what she’d done. Dani doubted she knew more than 5% of the person Lara Raj was. So, how could she consider her a friend, in a normal scenario?
She couldn’t.
But in there, things were different.
In there, she could know nothing about Lara, and still feel like their bond ran deeper than what her knowledge about her life story would give her.
In there, people she didn’t know could turn out to be threats, or allies.
And she didn’t have to know everything about them to know which one they were.
Megan’s words from that night had been echoing in her mind ever since she heard them. ‘You guys should be okay. Lara really likes you’. She kept thinking about it because she couldn’t find one single reason to believe the veracity of that statement. How could Lara like her? Aside from the sex, there was nothing between them that indicated a strong friendship, or a bond that could survive through fights and arguments like the one they’d had. And still, there was that feeling. And still, Lara’s eyes searched for her in the crowd, glinting under the blinding prison lights, almost pleading for her to turn around, to apologize, so they could return back to normal. Or whatever their normal used to be for about two weeks.
She wondered if maybe it was pity.
If, maybe, Lara didn’t want to actually be her friend, or associated to someone like her, but rather she felt sorry for her. Rather, she saw someone fragile, someone who needed saving.
Much like Laforteza saw her. Or Sophia, a name she still hadn’t gotten used to.
The two also didn’t speak much more than they did before the whole greenhouse incident. But something had shifted ever since that night. When Dani met her dark eyes on the other side of the cafeteria now, they were softer, like she was looking at her carefully. As if Sophia believed a glare might break her.
Dani wasn’t sure she liked it.
She wasn’t sure if being viewed as weak by one of Phantom Ridge’s most influential inmates was a good thing. But she couldn’t lie and say it didn’t make her feel safer. The way Sophia was always looking for her in the crowd, like she was silently looking out for her, like she planned on keeping her promise from the greenhouse. A promise that wasn’t spoken out loud, but was implied with the way she gave her that weapon, with the way she asked to be warned if Johanna ever bothered her again.
It felt like she was promising to keep her safe.
It felt like that’s what she’d been doing.
It felt like Dani was going absolutely insane.
The only person she was truly interacting with was Megan. Dani had been finding her way back into the library after hours, before dinner or even after the meals. And, sure enough, Megan was always there, sitting in the corner where she’d first found her, always having a different —terrible tasting— drink wrapped in a paper bag. They never planned to keep on meeting, it just happened naturally every time. It was like every time Dani felt a sudden urge to be alone, to go to the library, she knew, deep down, that Megan would be waiting for her with her cheap, probably counterfeited, alcohol and her drunken banter. And Dani refused to admit that, as it became more and more of a routine, she’d started looking forward to it.
She started looking forward to the moment she’d get to detach herself from reality with the drinks, throwing conversation into the wind with Megan.
She’d learned a lot about her ever since they started meeting each other in the shadows of the bookshelves. Unlike everybody else in this prison, Megan was unapologetically open about herself and her life. She’d told her she was born in Hawaii, but she moved to Michigan after her parents got a divorce and she moved in with her mom. She told her she got arrested at exactly 18 years old, under charges of aggravated assault, vandalism and shoplifting, she’d gotten herself a four year sentence, of which she’d already served one. She told her she was bisexual with a preference for girls and that Lara was the first person to take her in after she’d been submitted —she claimed to have no idea about the older’s charges when Dani asked, though— hence why she undeniably fell in love with her after spending so much time together. She told her stories about friends from back home, about her family, which mostly consisted of her mother and her brother, about other inmates. And the best thing about it was, Megan spoke like she didn’t want anything in return. She didn’t tell her things with the expectation that Dani would reveal stuff about her life back, she just shared herself like she wanted Dani to know her better, like she didn’t mind letting someone in.
She was definitely one of a kind in that place.
It’s not like Dani was heartless to leave her talking to herself. Although, she doubted Megan would mind if she just sat there, quietly sipping on their shared drink and just listening to Megan’s drunken rambles. Dani sometimes spoke too. She told her about Logan, about how shitty he was, about how she cheated on him with her best friend —she failed to mention said best friend was currently incarcerated with the two of them—, she even showed the scar he gave her, which erupted many outraged curses from the younger girl. She hadn’t said anything about her family or about that night, nor had she mentioned her charges. Not when Megan mentioned hers and they were much lighter. She didn’t want to lose the only friend she had there.
Well, she didn’t really know if they were friends, considering they only interacted within the quiet privacy of the library.
Between glimpses of the back of Manon’s head, cryptic stares from Lara’s brown eyes and nightly hours spent drunk on shitty alcohol with Megan, the days started blending together. When Dani first got thrown into Phantom Ridge, she made two promises to herself. The first one was that she wouldn’t change in there, that she’d come out the exact same way she was thrown in, that she wouldn’t come out a disgrace to her family. The second one was that she wouldn’t lose track of time, that she’d keep counting down the days until her freedom arrived, that she’d find a way to keep up with the days that passed.
Both of those missions had failed.
Dani had changed the second she stepped inside that place.
And now, she didn’t know how long she’d been there for. Maybe it was the amount of alcohol she’d been consuming every other night, maybe it was that she was too focused looking around, focused on thinking about her burned bridges, focused on the tension she always felt when she wasn’t surrounded by anyone, the fear of getting approached again. Of getting threatened again. Or even worse. Her mind started confusing itself around day 23, she couldn’t remember what the date was, and then soon she couldn’t remember what day she was on. She forgot to count a few days in a row after the greenhouse incident, too caught up in her own thoughts to give herself the trouble. So, even from then, she might’ve been wrong.
But one thing Daniela was sure of was that she’d been there for at least a month.
Maybe no longer than five weeks. Every single one more torturous than the other.
And she didn’t know how to deal with the thought that there were still about five hundred thousand weeks ahead of her.
She wishes that was an exaggeration.
Dani sighed loudly, supporting her weight on the hoe as she looked up at the crippling sun shining brightly over her head. Maybe choosing the long sleeved variant of her uniform was not the smartest idea for the day. She used one of her sleeves to wipe at the beads of sweat covering her forehead before going back to weeding the dirt under her feet, trying to get it ready for planting. Her hair was tied up in a bulky bun, a few curls sticking to the sides of her face and the nape of her neck. She’d finally gotten herself decent hair products with the money she made in gardening through the last few weeks, and although it was nothing like the expensive branded products she used to have, it kept her curls a little more tamed in comparison to what her previous shampoo and conditioner were like.
Avanzini pulled the long sleeves of her white shirt up to her elbows just as she saw someone approach, exiting the greenhouse with a shovel in one hand and a medium sized pack of seeds on the other.
Oh, yeah, there was that.
The reason why Laforteza had been in the greenhouse on that day, it turned out, had been because she’d been one of the many inmates that got thrown off the kitchen duties because of the overcrowding going on in the station. She told Dani that Miller had signed her up for gardening for the same reason he had signed her, no inmates wanted to do that shit. And now, with her white skin burning under the hot scalding sun, maybe Dani understood why these criminals weren’t jumping at the opportunity to spend hours roasting like a Christmas turkey while playing around in the dirt. Maybe she should've stuck with the insufferable old ladies in the laundry room. Well, then she wouldn't have had this jump in her coexistence with Laforteza. Choices were choices.
The older girl approached her with no words, no apologies for being late. Dani had been here readying this dirt for about an hour now and Sophia had only now decided to show up. She didn’t managed to stay mad for long though, her eyes instantly dropping to give the girl a once over as she placed the bag of seeds on the ground, close to where their plantation would be. Sophia, unlike her, had opted for the lighter version of their uniform. She didn’t wear the beige shirt, only a white tank top that clung dangerously to her upper torso and left the black straps of her bra visible against the light skin of her shoulder. The pants were the same, oversized like always, always looking like they were one thread away from falling down. Dani hated how her mouth salivated just the smallest bit when her eyes focused on the girl's biceps. Since Laforteza was overall skinny, they were mostly hidden, but were prominent whenever she moved around to grab something, which was what she was doing right now, holding the shovel in both hands. The stripe of skin between the hem of her shirt and waistband of her pants was imperceptible for those who didn’t pay much attention.
But, lately, all Dani did was pay attention.
And she noticed the hidden, black lines drawn under the fabric on that glimpse of skin that might as well have been allowed to her by the Gods. She’d seen it a few times before, when Sophia unashamedly changed her shirts in their dorm, the scattered dark lines, a tattoo that remained hidden, but that made several appearances in her mind during the day. Dani craved knowing what it was, not for any specific reason other than blunt curiosity. Obviously.
“If that cold you’re protecting yourself from ever hits us, I’m screwed.” Laforteza’s voice pulled Dani out of her thoughts. She prayed that she hadn’t been caught staring, but even if she did, the brunette didn’t seem to mind it as she started poking around the dirt with her shovel, her side of the plantation still untouched as Dani’s was almost ready for the seeds. She turned to find an easy grin playing on Sophia’s plump lips, the girl nodding at the long sleeves of her white shirt, and the beige uniform shirt she had over it. “You do know we’re still in august, right? You’ll have a heatstroke any day now.”
She was still getting used to talking to Sophia like this, even if they usually only interacted during gardening time. Unlike what Dani had initially thought of her, the girl was actually quite easy to talk to, her intimidating persona would often be replaced by quiet smiles and light words, nothing meaningful, nothing about that one day, just small talk that got their hours of work to pass by faster. She was still mysterious, walking around like she was hiding too many things to count, whispering with other inmates, always refusing to talk about herself. But still, it was nice to know that, like Dani, she was still a girl her age, crimes aside, a talkative one at that.
“Yeah,” Dani let out a small, almost flustered chuckle. “I guess my weather perceptions aren’t the best.”
Sophia hummed as she poked through the dirt with the conviction of someone who knew exactly what they were doing, though it was becoming clear to Daniela that she did not. “Let’s just hope it gets better before winter comes, those are brutal here.” her words came out easily, she didn’t even look at Dani as she spoke, but they sparked her curiosity immediately. Dani stopped her motion on the ground, stilling her hoe and turning her head to look at Sophia’s side profile, trying to prevent herself from admiring how flattering this angle of hers was.
Shut up.
“You saw a lot of those in here?” it came out unpretentiously, because it was. Dani only realized the question was a bit intruding after the words had already left her lips. She internally panicked, wishing she could reach into thin air and pull the question back into her mouth, from where it never should’ve left in the first place. When the silence took over them for a few seconds, Dani could only hope that she hadn’t made an enemy of the most dangerous inmate inside this prison by being the usual nosy bitch she'd always been.
Sophia stopped her work for a second, turning to meet Dani’s eyes with that deep, unreadable stare of hers. It wasn’t a glare, she didn’t look annoyed. It was just…there. Piercing and working well to make every single hair in Dani’s body rise up as she fell into the darkness that those pupils held, like a black hole ready to swallow her entirely. And maybe she wouldn’t hate her for it. She longed to know what those eyes hid, she longed to know how to read every thought of Sophia’s through the emptiness of her gaze. “More than you think.”
It was vague. Too vague. And it was far from the answer Dani was expecting, the answer Dani craved. And it seemed like the other girl knew that, with the way she kept her eyes trained on Daniela for a few more seconds. Her gaze was, like always, cryptic, full of puzzles to solve behind the reflection of the sunlight on the dark infinity of her pupils, as if not even something as strong and blinding as the light of the sun could break through those barriers. Then, Sophia turned her attention to the dirt again, now softening it with little focus, as if her mind was still on the girl beside her despite her eyes being elsewhere. “These walls look thick, but they’re not.” her voice was a little lower, in a tone that vaguely reminded Daniela of the tone Megan had used in the library a few weeks ago. “They let the cold spill through them, and it gets to you when you least expect it.”
These walls…they hear, Dani. They hear, and they whisper to the other inmates.
What was up with the walls in that place? Daniela thought with a frown on her face. Did everyone in there know how to speak in codes?
She looked at Sophia with interest, her eyes begging for her to keeping going, to reveal more. Or to just keep talking about anything. The Laforteza girl stopped her works on the dirt when she felt the eyes laying heavy on her form, Dani’s gaze was now stern, waiting, expecting something. And for a moment, it seemed like Sophia was about to give it to her. For one single second, it looked like those eyes became a little more decipherable under the warm daylight that burned over them through the yard. Then, Dani’s eyes were drawn to a figure approaching them, Sophia missing it since she was completely turned to her now, her hands holding the shovel against the ground.
Manon.
She was walking towards them just as Sophia was about to speak, and Dani let herself be fooled that maybe this was her rotating back to her. Maybe this was Manon coming to explain things, after so long giving her the cold shoulder yet again.
Dani didn’t know if it was just her impression, but, from up close, the girl looked thinner. Her face held this chronically unhealthy look that made Dani frown when they locked eyes. Of course, she was still beautiful. She was still Manon, after all. But it was the little things. Her eyes were red, like she hadn’t been getting any sleep, a theory also upheld by the bags under her eyes, poorly hidden with cheap concealer that she probably bought on the prison store. Her lips were dry and chapped, and it had small red spots, like she’d been picking at the dead skin there for days now. Her hair was rid of the braids she had when she first got thrown in, though Dani has no idea if she was the one who undid them, her curls now floated freely, much like Dani’s own, even if their types were different, Manon’s curls were smaller and harder to tame. It was one of the reasons why she opted for the braids most times. Dani let her eyes drop to the girl’s hands, the ones hanging by her sides, unsettlingly fiddling with the fabric of her pants, the skin around her nails picked raw.
Sophia followed her gaze when she noticed she’d lost Daniela’s attention, turning around to meet Manon’s eyes for a second before the oldest of the three spoke up. “We need to talk.” she muttered, still fiddling with her pants like she needed to occupy her hands with something.
Shockingly enough, her words weren’t directed at Dani. When she spoke, her eyes were trained on Laforteza, who never tensed under the strong gaze. Daniela frowned at the interaction, at the way the two of them exchanged a knowing glance after the words were said, like they’d done this before, like they knew each other already. Not only that, but Manon, once again, completely ignored her existence, standing right by the side of the girl she came here to address, waiting for any recognition that she still cared about the fact that Dani was in there with her. Since when did these two know each other? Since when did Manon know anyone here?
Sophia didn’t seem to see the problem, she didn’t seem to notice the way Daniela tensed under Manon’s indifference towards herself. She only turned around, moving to leave her shovel by the greenhouse’s wall before turning back to Dani. “I’ll be back, you don’t need to cover my part.” she nodded at the portion of dirt that was still mostly untouched by Sophia, contrasted with Daniela’s portion, which was ready for plantation from how long she’d been working on it. She'd been there all morning under the scalding sun, working by herself with only her thoughts to entertain her, and just when she thought she might have company for the rest of her station, her work partner is stolen away. Great. The brunette didn’t wait for her response, she just stepped back and nodded at Manon to follow her, like she already knew she would. Like she already knew the girl had reason to do so.
Dani narrowed her eyes as she watched the two figures round the building of the penitentiary and disappear along the yard, leaving her alone in the sun once again.
What a great fucking morning. She thought as she just scoffed and pulled her beige uniform up to dry her entire face from the sweat clinging to it.
Manon sighed at no one specifically as she followed Sophia away from Daniela.
Away from the person she’d been ignoring for weeks now.
At first, Manon wasn’t sure why she was doing it. On the first morning after she’d relapsed, she felt a pull in her stomach when she saw Dani sitting on their usual table, tray empty, clearly just waiting for her to get there, to keep her company in the earlier-than-appreciated breakfast. Maybe it was guilt. Knowing she’d promised Dani she was for real about staying clean, that she was getting her life straight for good then. She wasn’t sure if Dani still thought she was clean, if she had any faith in her best friend to keep herself clean even if it wasn’t for her.
If she did, she shouldn’t have.
Manon relapsed the day she’d started ghosting Dani back then.
And now, she started ghosting Dani the day she relapsed.
The irony was even a little disturbing to think about.
As the days passed and blurred into each other, it seemed like Dani was weirdly respectful of the space had Manon silently claimed. She hadn’t tried addressing her, she didn’t look for her, she never pressed on the matter. It was like she hoped Manon would just gravitate back to her naturally, as if she knew eventually they’d be fine again. The thought that the girl might have hopes for that stung the Bannerman girl deeply. Not because she didn’t want it, but because she wasn’t so sure that it’d become true. She wasn’t sure she could look Dani in the eye and show her that she’d broken every single promise she’d ever made her, whether it’d been as a friend or something else.
Every. Single. One.
So, she kept her distance. Dani couldn’t notice something was off about her if she didn’t hear her speak, if she didn’t interact with her at all.
She just didn’t expect her to be standing side by side, talking lightly with lazy smiles under the sun to the person Manon was probably most afraid of in the moment.
Well, she wouldn’t say she was afraid of Sophia, it was more of a totally justified intimidation.
She couldn’t be blamed, though, everyone was intimidated by Sophia, it was just how she portrayed herself to be.
Everyone except Daniela, apparently.
Seeing the two of them talk quietly, Dani letting out small smiles at the girl’s words, looking at her with those big, interested hazel eyes. It made something shrink in Manon’s stomach. Laforteza was one of the most talked about prisoners in this entire hold. Every single inmate was either scared, intimidated or wanted her dead. No in between. And, yet, it seemed like Daniela had no effort in letting her into her brightest smiles under the scalding sun, a conversation that was probably about something as uninteresting as the next dinner menu, but still seemed like the most entertaining part of Dani’s day, by the look in her eyes. Manon didn’t trust it, and she sure as hell didn’t trust Sophia.
Charmingly-gorgeous-extremely-dangerous-drug-dealer Sophia.
The same one that, just weeks ago, was offering Manon drugs for free in exchange of a little information about Daniela.
The girl felt a chill run down her spine when the thought came to mind as she approached them, fertilizing dirt and sharing small talk. She shot a narrow eyed look to the back of Sophia’s head, knowing she was too much of a coward to do it to her face. And then, when her eyes met Dani’s, she knew.
She knew something.
And as they walked away, Manon could tell, just by that one glance, that Daniela was onto her.
She followed Sophia into that quiet corner, the one where they’d first made their deal. The one where they’d been meeting every week ever since then. It was strange, Sophia didn’t seem to be asking much of her on these last few weeks. In fact, she was actually being a lot more helpful than Manon had anticipated. She taught Manon how to get physical money inside the prison, hooking her up with some of her contacts. It was sketchy and a little too easy to trust, Manon just had to buy specific things at the store, snacks, beauty products, the overpriced stuff, and resell them to these weird underdogs that she never seemed to notice before, the ones who always wear long sleeves and lurk around the corners, like they never even sleep. They’d give her the money, and she’d give to Laforteza.
And God knows what the woman did with it.
“You and Dani close now or what?” she spoke despite herself, voice slightly shaky from both her fear of the girl in front of her and the way her body had been reacting to the relapse. She hated how she even sounded like a junkie now.
She never had before.
The main issue was, out there, when she was free, Manon had other things to do. Things like selling weed and coke to teens during the afternoon. Like working at her shitty drugstore shift every night —in which she totally did not violate the policy by stealing a few unprescribed pills to herself— to pay the bills on her shoebox-sized apartment that she’d moved into after dropping out of college and moving as far away from Daniela as possible. Only to end up in the same prison as her. Fuck fate and it’s annoying irony.
But in there? In there, Manon had nothing else to do.
Sure, she had to clean the bathroom twice a day and take some yard time to see the sun during the afternoon.
But aside from that, Manon wasn’t really doing anything else all day.
She had no friends.
She didn’t know the penitentiary around, nor did she care to explore it on her own.
She only knew her assigned bed, the cafeteria, the bathroom and the yard. And the library, though she hadn’t been there ever since that first night with Dani.
So, she spent all day getting high.
And she hated how good it felt. She hated the way she kinda wished this was her life before. Nobody bothered her, nobody talked to her, nobody cared if she was high out of her mind or one line away from overdosing into her possible death.
Well, nobody except for Lara fucking Raj. But that was not a topic to discuss in that moment. Because Sophia was in front of her, and she was answering.
“You could say that, though it’s none of your business.” Sophia brushed her off as Manon gave her a distrustful look and leaned back on the outside brick wall of the prison, the material was unpleasantly warm, but these days it felt like her body was a little too heavy to be carrying around all the time, she almost always felt the need to lean onto something for a few minutes. The taller girl slipped her hands into her pockets, but she didn’t move as Manon kept her expectant eyes on her covered hands, waiting for what she’d been there for.
“So? Where’s my stuff?” she asked with little conviction, eyes darting from the unmoving hands to Laforteza’s eyes.
The girl sighed, giving a look around before leaning closer. “Look, I’ve been meaning to tell you.” as soon as she started, Manon was already tilting her head, eyes slightly widening as listened closely, bracing for bad news just from the tone of those words. Sophia’s eyes didn’t help bringing that theory down. “There’s been a problem with my guy on the outside. My— uh, coke supplier.” her breath came out in something resembling a sigh and a heavy weight being brought onto her shoulders at the same time. She’d snorted everything from last week, she’d finished the stash just that morning, and now Sophia was telling her there was a problem with whichever shithead provided her what she needed? Her nails dug into her palms. Sophia seemed to catch onto the way her body tensed up at the implication. “Look, I swear I tried everything, but I have nothing for you this week. I don’t how long I’m gonna be out of coke.”
Dumbly, Manon muttered. “How long?”
Sophia eyed her with a frown, mixed with a little disbelief. “I just said, I don’t know. Weeks? Maybe months—“
“Are you fucking kidding me?!” her voice was so low, it was almost a growl as she stepped forward in a way that was supposed to feel threatening to the other girl, and Manon had no idea where she’d gotten the sudden courage to stuff her chest again Sophia’s like that, but she had.
And she regretted it not even a second later.
The woman pushed her against the wall, holding her shirt over one of her shoulders, pressing her against the uncomfortably warm bricks. Manon’s breath hitched as she leaned closer to her in a way that screamed intimidation, her eyes widening without her realizing, maybe the effects of what she’d snorted that morning were still there, even if subtle. They held what felt like the most intense eye contact Manon had ever had in her entire life for about ten seconds before Sophia spoke up again. “I told you, I tried. You think you’re the only fucking junkie I deal with? I’m getting death threats over this slip.” Manon swallowed dryly at the derogatory tone in which the girl had directed that word to her. She shrunk within herself, biting at the skin of her lips and bringing her hands together to pick at the raw outsides of her nails, suddenly finding herself within her insignificance against the one and only Sophia Laforteza. And then she felt a sting on the corner of her eyes.
Fuck, maybe she was still high. Or maybe she was about to be on her period.
Whatever it was, it seemed to be working to soften Sophia’s gaze just the slightest bit. A moment so quick that Manon thought she might’ve dreamed it. Then, Laforteza let go of her shirt, leaving it bunched and crumpled after her strong grasp had been released. Manon let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding after the girl let her go, but never moved back to make larger the minimal distance between the two of them. Sophia adverted her eyes to the ground in thought and the older girl stayed quiet and still against the wall, as if she were scared of interrupting her line of thinking just by breathing too loudly.
Then, Laforteza looked up with a sigh, like she’d just lost a battle to herself inside her own mind. “Look, I really can’t get you coke. But I can get you something else by the end of the week, if you’re not feeling too picky.” Manon seemed to stammer in her words. Something stronger? Something lighter? She didn’t know if she could trust the girl when she was being that vague to her. Though, to be fair, Sophia had never been good at being clear with her intentions. The Laforteza girl kept her eyes on her for a moment, waiting a few seconds before walking closer, her eyes had a glint in them that sort of quietly spoke to Manon. It told her that she saw her inner turmoil, her distrust of the girl standing before her. And that she shouldn't feel it. It told her, 'you can trust me' in a dangerous way. Dangerous like the quiet singing of a mermaid in the open seas. The type that lured you in, just to drown you minutes later.
Laforteza moved closer until the shorter girl was pressed against the wall again, and the distance between their faces were now just barely inches apart. For one second, Manon thought she might kiss her. For whatever reason. “I don’t go around making exceptions for all my clients, so just…think about it.” her voice was quiet, almost soft in a way that gave away that she didn't want anyone to overhear her. Even though there was nobody else in sight. Sophia always moved like she was being watched at all times.
She didn’t give her time to answer. Hell, she didn’t even give her time to process her words. Sophia was already walking back, the wind hitting a little colder where her body was previously standing just before her. Manon followed her retreating figure with a puzzled gaze, wondering who the fuck this woman was.
“…and she said she doesn’t really see me like that, but that she didn’t wanna lose my friendship in a place like this, you know? So, like, now I think we’re good? I mean, it’s implied.” Dani nodded absently, laying on the cold floor of the last shelve corridor in the library. The day had been so warm she hadn’t even realized she needed cooling down, even if it was on this dirty ass floor. Megan was, as usual, yapping about her day as she leaned against the bookshelf with a bottle of a mixture Sophia had sold her a few days back and she’d been saving for a while. It was funny how, despite not having many friends, Megan’s days were always somewhat entertaining to her.
She was currently telling her about the talk she’d had with Lara earlier, Dani taking light sips of the too-sweet drink as she reminisced the time they used to talk. She didn’t mean that in a pathetic way, more in a I-don’t-know-what-to-do-about-this-situation way. Because she truly didn’t. Daniela didn’t know Lara, she didn’t know how to approach her after a discussion like the one they had. Yes, she knows that, with the way she's acting, it sounds like they’d stabbed each other to near death on the cafeteria, and not that she’d just accidentally offended Lara in a fit of overprotection over her ex-best friend. Funny how neither of them were talking to her now. So fucking funny.
But as Megan sat there, telling every single thing she did to end her own fight with the Raj girl, she made it sound so easy. She just pulled her aside and talked. Just like that.
So why was it so hard for Dani to do the same thing?
She wasn't afraid Lara might hurt her, was she?
“What are you gonna do about your feelings for her?” she asked, her voice tilting with the feeling of the alcohol burning in her stomach after a quick sip.
It was disgusting, too sweet and maybe a little too thick. She had no idea what the fuck Sophia had mixed into this and she wasn’t sure she wanted to know. The large alcoholic percentage of it burned Dani’s throat every time she downed another gulp of Megan's magic potion. She hated it. It made her want to throw up and make some really bad decisions. But it also made the world just a little more colorful and it made the jail’s library floor feel a little like the carpeted floor of her dorm room, so, she kept taking sips. Just to unglue her shitty reality from herself for a moment, and just enjoy the way Megan was looking at her like she was the only friend she had in there.
“I mean, they’re still there but, like—“ Megan stopped to pull the bottle from Dani’s hand and give it a long, probably concerning, gulp. Her throat bobbed as she swallowed it down with her face scrunched in a grimace. It was like she needed liquid courage to speak the next few words. Once the bottle was once again sat on the ground, in the small space between them, Megan wiped at her lips with the back of her hand and sighed, leaning her head back on the books. “Look at where we are, you know? Do I really wanna lose one of the only people I can trust in this hell just because of some stupid crush?”
The question was rhetorical, but it made Dani think. It made her think about a lot of things.
It made her think about probably looking for Lara later and apologizing for how insensitive she’d been to her many times ever since they’d met, maybe she’d be less miserable with her light presence back into her life. She couldn’t lie and say she didn’t miss the jokingly flirty conversations, the smirks she shot her when they met in the halls, her snarky comments when she brought her hot inmate gossip and just her overall unhinged persona circling her on a few days. Maybe now that she knew Megan they could even hang out like many of the inmates did, as a group. It’d probably help in making her less depressed every single day.
She also thought briefly about Sophia. Dani didn’t know why her mind leaped straight to those brown eyes, shining under the sun, and she willed the thought away as soon as that face occupied the forefront of her vision.
Lately, with the way Sophia had softened when she was around her, Dani had been having a hard time remind herself of who she was. Remind herself of how dangerous she was. And, sometimes, she even suspected her brain was gaslighting her into thinking Laforteza wasn’t actually dangerous. That all the talk around her and her infinite charges, her quiet business and her aggressive way of dealing with pretty much anything that went wrong in her life was just bullshit. Just something someone made up one day and everyone else followed blindly, like those fake rumors that Dani herself would spread in High School. But this wasn’t High School, and she knew damn well that everything everyone said about her was real. If they weren’t, how else would she explain the dozens of enemies the girl had in there? How would she explain the nights she’d show up with bruises on her face, untreated like she was used to the pain? How would she explain the mysterious background, the way her family seemed to frequent this very penitentiary for generations?
She couldn’t, she knew it was all real and extremely dangerous to get involved with.
And yet, Laforteza was still the most charming person she’d met in that hell of a place. Maybe in her entire life.
She worried for her when she didn’t need to.
She helped her that day, when she had no obligation to do so.
And Dani hated how it got her a first class ticket to the finest seat inside her mind.
And thinking about Sophia led her to think about Manon. She thought back to their brief interaction earlier, if you could even call it that. The whole thing just brushed Dani the wrong way. The way Manon was nervous, like she was trying to hide something, and the way she looked sick, it made all of her senses go up in alert. It wasn’t really unusual for Manon to catch the flu or common colds, because of her past with the drugs and everything, her immune system was probably the worst one Dani had ever heard of. But Manon was clean now, wasn’t she? She’d told Dani she was for real about sobriety on that one day in her dorm.
Well, she did tell Dani she was for real about them too on that night and it turned out to be bullshit.
She almost scoffed aloud at her own thought.
Despite that, Manon had always been a woman of her word. She hated lying, she always said to Daniela that she absolutely despised lying because she’d been lied to her entire life. She’d been deceived her entire life. By her parents, by her old friends, by her old partners. It was why she was so untrusting, and it was also why she always kept her word. Dani didn’t know if that one thing was a slip or if something happened to make Manon draw away and turn her back on what she’d promised her. She just hoped there was still one promise she made that night and hadn’t broken.
God, she really hoped she hadn’t broken it.
“Hey, uh—“ Dani started after the long moment of silence in which she quickly drowned in a web of her own thoughts, getting stuck among them like a helpless prey on a spider's nest. Megan also seemed to be dissociating as she spoke up again, the girl jumping slightly in her seat before reaching for the bottle on the floor. The curly-haired girl moved to sit up, bringing her knees closer to her chest. “Sorry about the change in topic but…you said Laforteza sells, right?”
The girl looked at her, slightly confused as she nodded to the bottle in her hand before passing it along. Every time Dani took another taste of that drink, she was filled with regret only to do it again one second later. Self-destruction looked like it came with the whole prisoner package, she was learning it rather quickly. “Yeah, I bought this deliciously fancy drink from her.” her tone was dripping with sarcasm as she gestured exaggeratedly to the drink Dani was taking yet another sip out of, not containing her grimace of distaste as she swallowed it down like it might as well have been a handful of rocks.
“What else does she sell?” she asked like she didn’t care for the answer, like she was just making small talk with the girl sitting in front of her.
But, in reality, her fingers were tight around the glass bottle, her other hand was picking at a loose thread on her uniform. The quality on those things was so low that most of her clothing either had a small rip or had threads hanging from the seams. If she knew that would be her only wardrobe option a few months back maybe she would’ve skipped the night out for a movie and pizza night in instead. Dani pulled at the insides of her cheeks with her teeth as she waited for the answer. There had to be a reason why Manon was acting the way she was. And there had to be a reason why she and Sophia seemed acquainted.
Maybe it was the same one.
“Honestly? A little bit of everything, alcohol, bandages, beauty products from the outside—“ Megan started listing in her fingers as she let her eyes dramatically look around in thought.
“Drugs.” it wasn’t a question, it was more of a lucky guess.
The girl widened her eyes and snapped her fingers towards Dani, who slightly jumped up at the sudden reaction. “Oh, yeah, for sure. How could I even forget?” she scoffed at herself before hitting her own head lightly, but no less dramatic than anything else she did after having a few drinks. Or, in this case, a few swigs of the same bottle. “She has half the junkies in this prison wrapped around her finger. And if they don’t buy from her, then it’s Silvers they go to.”
Dani nodded as if she knew who the fuck that was, but it didn’t really matter to her one way or another. She wasn’t asking to find out who Silvers was, or to get know more about Laforteza’s business competition. She wanted to know what was wrong with her best friend. Or, her former best friend. And Megan didn't even realize she might have the answer. “What does she sell? I mean, drug wise.”
Megan took a little time to think, bringing the bottle back to her lips as she took a long swig that probably had her head spinning for a few seconds there with the way her eyes widened suddenly. Dani waited patiently for the girl to recompose herself after the exaggerated gulp on the drink, still pulling at that one thread on her pants, the thought that it might suddenly open up a giant hole on it didn’t even brush her mind. “Weed, mostly. But, like, Molly is a big seller around here too. Just overall pills, you know? Benzos, the crazy ones, LSD, Ecstasy, Opioids. I’m pretty sure Heroin too, though I don’t know if that’s your thing—“ Avanzini scoffed as if just the thought that she might be interested in any of that was offensive to her. Surely, she hadn’t realized that, like anyone else there, she was a criminal and Megan still viewed her as such. She treated the possibility of Dani being a potential addict like something normal, like it was just what people did around here.
“Coke?” she asked, trying to hide her curiosity under a nonchalant tone. She knew Manon hid it from her when they were still…what they were. But she saw her in the corners of the parties, she saw the way sometimes she’d go to bathroom for a while and come back with her pupils blown and her nose drippy. Manon never did it in front of her, it was like a pact that she had with herself to never pull Dani into that world. She’d never advertised drugs as something good, not to Dani, not to anyone else. It was like she knew it was wrong, that it was killing her, and she couldn’t stop. And, well, she didn’t really do a good job in hiding all the evidence around her dorm, on her bag and in the parties they’d go to.
Though, she promised she was never high whenever they fucked.
Oh, what a gentlewoman Manon Bannerman used to be.
“Oh, yeah! It’s a hit here, and I heard she takes favors for that, too.” Skiendiel shot her a suggestive look and Dani didn’t even want to think about what favors Sophia was asking around over the drugs she sold. Not for any specific reason, or any specific feeling that was sparked in her stomach at the thought of random inmates prostituting themselves for coke in Laforteza's bed. No, it wasn't like that. She’d rather keep playing pretend inside her head and making believe that she was just this charming brunette that protected her from rapists and spent the morning throwing conversation into the wind while fertilizing dirt under the scalding sun.
Dani’s jaw tightened when she heard the answer, her hands gripping the fabric of her pants now. The possibility of, not only Manon having broken her promise, a promise she made to Dani in a moment so vulnerable like the one they’d been in, but she’d also been lying about it. Running from confrontation like a coward, ducking herself under others when Dani passed by, just so she didn’t have to look her in the eye after doing what she did. It stirred something within her. She wasn’t sure if it was anger, sadness or concern. But it wasn’t something good, and she would be sure to let Manon know that soon.
“Why? You thinking about buying some?” Megan shifted to a half-laying position on the floor, leaning her head on her hand as she looked up at Dani, noticing the way her features sharpened suddenly, as if she was having a fight with herself inside her own mind. The girl watched her with an amused glint in her eyes, like Dani was just so entertaining to look at under the shitty lighting of the library. She took another sip of the horrendous drink with a shit eating grin, not breaking her stare at the side of Daniela's face as the older stared at the many books in front of her.
“Nah,” the curly-haired girl mumbled without looking at the girl under her. “just putting some pieces together.”
I have nothing for you this week. I don’t how long I’m gonna be out of coke.
Manon found herself laying on her side, her back turned to Yoonchae —the girl had coincidentally been placed in the same square as her when they moved into the beds, which made them roommates once more— as she kept her eyes on the wall, thinking back on the day and replaying Sophia’s words inside her mind. She could already feel the pit on her stomach from what she’d have to face until Sophia and her ‘guy on the outside’ settled whatever issue they were facing. The high she’d been on that morning had long faded, leaving her with that sinking feeling of having to face reality without the colorful edge she’d become so used to in the last few weeks.
She’d been doing it every single day, for God knows how long, time in there moved oddly.
And, now, suddenly, she was being forced to stop.
Manon knew what to expect of her body in this situation. She knew it was going to be tough, maybe even more than any other withdrawal she’d ever faced. And, right now, she was suffering in anticipation. Her eyes wide and glued to the yellowish brick wall surrounding her quarter with Yoonchae, the girl was currently sitting on her bed, flipping absently through the pages of some old teenage magazine she’d found abandoned on the library, oblivious to the turmoil going on inside her roommate's mind. Manon was dreading the moment those shocks would come, the moment her body would start shivering again, almost convulsing, and her temperature would start variating like crazy. She was anxious just thinking about it.
She still remembers the worst withdrawal she ever had. It was a couple months after she’d pulled away from Dani, still around the time the girl would leave her voice messages and send her texts on every single social media platform, trying to understand what she did wrong. Manon spent every single day staring at those texts, rewinding those voice mails to listen to them again, just to hear Dani’s voice again. It wasn’t her proudest moment, and it wasn’t her most lucid one either. It had started when her dealer didn’t text back on a random Tuesday. Manon still had a few blunts to keep her settled until the end of the week, but, by Sunday, there was still no sign of him. She became so paranoid she even considered that maybe Daniela had something to do with it, that —somehow, don’t ask her— she’d convinced that scrawny motherfucker to ghost her, so she’d think it was karma for doing it to her best friend of many years. She spent three days sick in bed, throwing up, shivering, sweating, going in and out of fevers, she even went as far as hallucinating from the high temperatures her body reached.
She was all alone, and she was fine after a long, suffered week.
She’d be fine now, wouldn’t she?
Manon hissed when she pulled a particularly thick piece of skin around the nail of her index finger, looking down to see the thin trail of red staining small spots on her sheets. She cursed internally at the stinging sensation, though, it wasn’t all that bad. It kept her grounded, it made her feel like her body was still her body, and, despite it all, it was still in her control, no matter what she decided to do with it.
She only distracted herself from the small injury when steps approached her square over the quietness of the after-dinner time. The dorm was still fairly empty, the inmates choosing to enjoy their last couple hours before they were locked into that agonizing place. Manon didn’t like the dorms; she much preferred the privateness of her shared cell with Yoonchae, where she didn’t need to hear all kinds of weird sounds over the night, and where she even felt a little safer when the door was locked. In the cell, when the door was locked at exactly 10 p.m, she felt like all the danger was outside and she was in a safety bubble. A cold, uncomfortable bubble. But in the dorms? She felt like she was locked with monsters for the entire night. It was unsettling. And, yeah, sure, all the cocaine didn’t really help with stopping all the paranoid thoughts from taking over her mind during the nights.
She’d never been the sharpest tool in the shed.
“Hey, uh—“ Manon sighed as soon as the voice reached her ears. She recognized it immediately, it was impossible not to.
In that place, nobody bothered her, nobody talked to her, nobody cared if she was high out of her mind or one line away from overdosing into her possible death.
Well, nobody except for Lara fucking Raj.
Ever since she started ghosting Dani again, the girl had suddenly drawn closer than ever to her. Even after that night, when Manon was a bitch to her despite her obvious concern for the girl. It wasn’t smothering or suffocating, but, somehow, Lara was just always there for whatever Manon needed over the last few weeks. She’d lend her towel to her in the bathroom when Manon forgot hers, which happened more often than not, since she never slept well with all the coke and the paranoia overtaking every single one of her thoughts. Sometimes, the younger would sit with her during the meals and not say anything, like she knew Manon didn’t want to hear her voice. She’d just sit there, keeping her quiet company while they ate without a word. During yard time, when Manon would sometimes decide to go on a run around the football field and forget her water bottle —again, she’d blame it on the drugs and her sleep deprivation—, Lara would go all the way to the quick store to buy her some with her own credit, even though Manon was sure she had enough for a fucking water bottle. She kept doing all these small acts of gentleness.
And it unsettled Manon deeply.
It unsettled her, because she had no reason to do so.
Manon wasn’t sure about a lot of things in her life. In fact, she wasn’t sure about most things in her life. About most of her actions, most of her decisions, most of the things she said and most of the people she hung around.
But one thing she was sure about was that Lara Raj had absolutely no reason to treat Manon the way she was. With that quiet gentleness and softness, as if they were in Love Island and not in fucking prison.
Manon had always been the worst to her, she’d been rude to her when they’d met, she’d been rude to her when Lara tried being nice to her, and she still kept being rude to her despite whatever maniac episode Lara had been facing the last few weeks. Manon refused to trust her, she couldn’t find it in herself to do so. Especially when Lara moved around like she held more secrets than Sophia Laforteza herself, and that was saying something. She also knew that Lara suspected something, she had to. With the way she was quietly looking out for her, there was just no way she still hadn’t caught up on what Manon had been up to every single day. It’s not like it was hard to notice, and it’s not like Lara didn’t question her about it all those nights ago, on the night she relapsed.
She knew Lara and Dani were close, and that was yet another reason why she couldn’t trust her. Who could assure her that the reason why the two weren’t speaking was just to deceive Manon and have her trusting in Lara to spill all her secrets? Yeah, all that scheming didn’t really sound like something Dani would do, but Dani had been doing a lot of things that sounded like she wouldn’t do lately, so Manon couldn’t take the chance.
“I noticed you skipped lunch and dinner so…brought you something.” the girl spoke like she didn’t want anything in return, and it made Manon hate her even more. She’s a fucking criminal, why was she being so nice? That was not how this place worked, she'd learned it on her first few days. She heard the sound of something being placed on her nightstand —if you could even call it that—, but never turned around to catch Lara’s figure standing by her bed. “You should eat. Starving out here is not really the smartest strategy.”
She felt her bed shake the smallest bit, which probably meant Lara had taken a seat on the metallic footboard. Manon kept her back turned to her despite the annoying insistence. “You alright?” Manon disguised the tilt in her heart with a scoff, like she thought it was funny for Lara to think she’d answer that question to her, as if they were close friends and not just stuck in the same hell. It wasn’t her fucking business. And it wasn’t her fucking business that Manon’s chest ached a little when someone cared for her like that. She didn’t need to know that. After a few moments of a carried silence —God bless Yoonchae’s patience—, she heard a sigh from Lara and the bed shook once more, meaning she’d probably gotten up from where she was previously sat at. “Look, you don’t have to talk to me, but please eat. I put myself in harm’s way just to bring that to you.”
Fuck, now she felt bad.
Manon rolled her eyes at herself before shifting on her bed, her pale face now turned to Lara, who seemed like she was about to turn away and leave if the older girl hadn’t moved. Quietly, the curly-haired girl sat up on the bed, feeling the way her limbs felt heavier than usual, both from the lack of nutrients ingested in the day and the lack of something else she was currently craving. For the last few hours, she’d been remembering what being sober felt like after weeks, and she did not like it one bit. Manon leaned against the small brick wall divisor and looked at her nightstand, finding a medium sized closed plastic container with one of the cafeteria spoons placed over it. “You made that?” she asked with her eyes narrowed.
Raj, oblivious to her distrust, or maybe just not giving a shit about it, nodded sincerely with a small smile that Manon had yet to see on her face before today. It was almost genuine, almost like she was aiming to pull heartstrings with those glinting brown eyes and that super fucking attractive mouth. Fuck this girl. “Yeah. You’d be surprised what years in the kitchen teach you.” the smirk that took over her lips was more like her, it almost made Manon feel at ease when she saw the smile turn into Lara’s signature smirk.
She looked at the container, and then she looked back at the girl, still standing there. “Why?”
“What do you mean?”
Manon wishes she could punch away Lara’s frown from her face. There was just no way she was the only one that thought the whole thing was strange, she couldn’t be the only one paranoid about Lara not being trustable, about her intentions being way deeper than what she let on with her actions. She wouldn’t fall for her game like Dani and all the other inmates did. Because it was all it was, a game. And Manon had always been good at those. “Why are you being nice to me? I’ve been nothing but a bitch to you ever since I got here.” she blurted out with a frown deeper than Lara’s, her voice holding that high pitched tone it turned into when she was upset. But she wasn’t only upset, she was also deeply confused.
“No, you haven’t. You kinda saved me, remember?” she asked that like she truly believed Manon had forgotten it. And Manon wished she forgot that Godforsaken night. She wished the warm touch of Lara’s fingertips on her wrist and the distant warmth of her body laying by her side in the cramped mattress of the bunk weren’t the only things on her mind for days. She wished she hadn’t spent hours thinking about the way Lara looked so vulnerable, so soft without all those walls of mysteriousness pulled up around herself. She fucking wished she didn’t remember any of it. And even if she did, the scar on Lara’s eyebrow was a good enough reminder that it did actually happen and it hadn’t been some coke-induced hallucination she lived through in one of the late nights.
“Yeah, but it doesn’t mean you owe me your life or anything.” Manon shrugged, watching the way Lara’s smile faltered. It made the slightest bit of guilt bloom inside her stomach, so, the Bannerman girl shifted awkwardly on the mattress. “I just mean, like, I’m not holding you to it, or something like that.”
“I know. I’m not doing all this because I think you are.” Lara shrugged and it did nothing to enlighten the other girl’s thoughts or make her trust her a little more. Manon frowned deeper, tilting her head in confusion.
“Then why are you?” Bannerman felt the need to ask. She already had too many questions in her mind, if this one could be answered, maybe she’d lighten up a little bit about the girl who was now walking closer to her bed, taking a set on the footrest once again, keeping distance between them.
“You didn’t need to help me that day, you had no obligation to do so, but you did. You didn’t even know who I was, and you sure as hell didn’t trust me, and you still stayed there in that tiny, uncomfortable bunk for hours, just so I wouldn’t be alone. And it made me realize something.” she spoke like her words were quiet keys to an enigma Manon herself needed to put together to solve. Everything about Lara was at least a little bit enigmatic, whether it was the way she spoke or the way she portrayed herself, or even her eyes. She couldn’t handle being crystal clear about anything, the intentions and the meanings behind her words and actions were always hidden for Manon to search. Usually, she wouldn’t have the patience, but right now, she couldn’t lie and say the girl didn’t have her entire attention. “It made me realize that you’re the type of person that deserves to be looked out for, and not many people realize that.” Bannerman felt her heart skip a few beats against her own will when she heard those words. She’d never been told, like that, so openly and unashamedly, that she was worth being cared for. Not when she’d been a disgrace to most people in her life, or at least she’d been told she was. She didn’t want to react. She didn’t want to give Lara the satisfaction of knowing her words struck something old and buried deep within her chest. She really didn’t, but her eyes softened slightly, and she knew she had to look away before it became obvious that the woman had made her feel something other than irritation. Whatever it was that she made her feel. “And if no one’s gonna do that in here, I am. If you don’t mind it.”
She knew that, even if she claimed to mind it, Lara wouldn’t back off. Maybe she’d stop talking to her, but she wouldn’t stop looking out for her. If she hadn’t stopped after all this time, it wasn’t this conversation that would make her back off and mind her own business. And, thinking about it then, Manon found out that she didn’t actually mind it. She didn’t mind that this mysterious criminal had suddenly decided to become her guardian angel, or whatever it was that she planned on doing with all that gratitude. Maybe it was good to have someone looking out for her in that scary ass hell, even if it was from afar. But she wouldn’t let Lara know that. Ever. “Whatever.” she muttered. “You’re stupid, Raj.”
Manon did her best in acting nonchalant, but, for the first time, it seemed like Lara was able to read through her when she shot her an amused look, biting on the insides of her cheeks to prevent her smile from spreading too large. “I’ve been told. I’m in prison, after all.” the girl smiled and shook her shoulders once more, like Manon had just complimented her. She tilted her head towards Manon’s nightstand, where the container still sat untouched, as she stepped back with her hands buried in the pockets of her uniform. “Eat.” she shot her an unnerving wink that made the older roll her eyes before finally leaving for good and making her way out of the dorm.
Manon stayed still for a moment, just staring at the spot where the woman was previously sitting on, and then she moved to grab the container when she was sure Lara was out of the room, opening it. It wasn’t the usual grey cafeteria food, it looked a little more alive. Manon had no idea what it was, but smelled better than anything she’d been eating in the last few weeks and she couldn’t deny the fact that she was, indeed, starving after skipping two meals to freak out over Sophia’s words in the quietness of her bed.
As she brought the plastic spoon up to her mouth, the food still fairly warm from the container it’d been placed into, her eyes met Yoonchae’s. She had an amused grin on her face, her magazine closed as she stared at her as if to reveal that she’d just watched the entire exchange. Manon couldn’t even lie, she kind of forgot the girl was sitting there the entire time. She suddenly felt her neck heating up, as if Yoonchae had been able to read her thoughts while she looked at the two of them speaking. She wouldn’t doubt it, the Laforteza’s were all weird like that. “What?” Manon asked, she brought the spoon into her mouth, almost moaning when she tasted something that wasn’t the same old cafeteria food she’d been eating for God knows how long now. She wondered where the hell Lara had found spices, or if she was just a wizard of the kitchen.
“You can be so clueless sometimes, you know?” the younger chuckled at her reaction to the food and at what she’d just witnessed minutes earlier. Manon tilted her head at her with her mouth full of whatever meat broth Lara had prepared for her. “Lara.”
“What about her?” Bannerman asked, feeling like she was on the outside of some inside joke with the way Yoonchae was looking at her. They were only five years apart, but the girl never failed in making Manon feel like she was seventy years old.
“She’s like— so into you, it’s a little embarrassing.” the younger Laforteza said with a shit eating grin and Manon widened her eyes, opening her mouth only to close it again, like a fish gasping for air outside of the water.
“What? No. What—“ the girl laughed at the way Manon’s face suddenly became warm. It was totally because of the food, she wasn’t used to all that spice after weeks of eating the tasteless, bland food of the cafeteria. It surely had nothing to do with the possibility of Lara Raj having a fucking crush on her. She couldn't even take her own thoughts seriously. 'Crush'? What was she? Twelve? “Are you crazy? Yoonchae, this is prison, not a boarding school.”
“Good thing I don’t know what that is like.” the younger shot her a look that made Manon want to rip her tiny head off. She immediately regretted that thought, worrying Sophia might've read her mind from whatever hole she got herself into at night and would show up in her dorm in the middle of the night to kick her ass in her sleep just for even thinking of hurting her little sister.
She was unhinged like that.
They stayed quiet for the smallest moment as Manon relished in her dinner with a few dirty looks shot towards her square mates, ones that were responded with suggestive tilts of her eyebrow. “No, look, no way, okay?. She’s not into me, she’s just weird as fuck.” Bannerman excused with a shrug of her shoulders, her nonchalance coming off as a desperate attempt to prove the other girl wrong.
“It sure looks like it,” Laforteza responded with a shrug of her own, lying back in her bed and picking up her magazine once again. “She’s been looking out for you, cooking you exclusive dinner. Not speaking to Daniela anymore after you two also stopped talking. Plus, I heard she hasn’t been sleeping with anyone lately.” the last sentence caught her attention, Manon’s eyes darting up from her bowl of broth as she tried not to let her surprise show.
Lara? Not sleeping around anymore? That had to be fake.
“Yeah, right.” the oldest scoffed as if it was a bad joke from the other girl, scrapping at the bottom of her bowl, suddenly wishing Lara would get a fit of kindness every night so she could have a dinner as delicious as this one.
Yoonchae shrugged again, “I’ve seen like five of her old flings crying on the corners, saying she ditched them for good.” it didn’t sound like she was making it up. Manon didn’t even think there was a reason why the girl would make something like that up out of nowhere. “Even Megan, and they were super close. I’m just saying, it’s a little suspicious.” the younger turned in her bed like she was done with the conversation, focusing on the magazine she’d probably already read through at least ten times since she’d found it.
But, to Manon, the conversation wasn’t over yet. At least not in her mind.
She doubted Lara was into her; it couldn’t be that simple. And even if she was, what the hell was Manon supposed to do with that? She was here for three years, she was a fucking junkie, and she had absolutely no friends, and surely she did not remember how to be in a relationship, especially if said relationship was with a convicted felon.
Everything about it screamed danger.
And maybe it was why Manon couldn’t stop thinking about it for the rest of the night.
Daniela sat on the lowest step of the abandoned bleachers she’d found around one of the hidden corners of the yard. She had to give it to Sophia, it was a pretty low-key spot, perfect to break every rule of the prison without raising any suspicion. She wondered if the guards even knew it existed in the first place. Megan was the one that told her about, in order to get that information, Dani had to reveal that she was trying to discover if one of her old friends was buying from Laforteza, and that she needed to know as soon as possible to confront her about it. Megan was so drunk she doubted she even remembers telling her in the first place, but she had. She told her Sophia’s business usually took place in a rounded corner behind the tall building walls, where old bleachers had been discarded at.
After doing her time in gardening —this time, Sophia had been so late they didn’t even see each other in the morning, much to Dani’s disappointment— the girl strolled around the entire yard in search of Laforteza’s mysterious selling spot. It took her about 30 minutes of walking around and trying not to look suspicious in front of many guards before she finally found the abandoned bleachers, once painted bright blue, they now had the paint layer chipping off and the color had long faded, leaving behind just the resemblance of color and the carved signatures and phrases on the seats.
Dani wasn’t sure what she expected by sitting there all day. Maybe she was hoping to meet Sophia and ask her where she knew Manon from, why they suddenly looked like they had shared more secrets than Dani had with the older girl in their years of friendship. She didn’t know if Sophia would be honest, considering the woman didn’t really owe her any truth or anything like that, but a small part of Dani liked to think Sophia wouldn’t lie to her. She had no idea why that part was usually in control of most of her thoughts nowadays. Maybe she was hoping it was Manon that would show up, she’d get her on the act, corner her and confront her about everything. About what was wrong with her, about why she was ignoring Dani.
Usually, maybe a few months ago, Dani wouldn’t have the courage to stand up and see eye to eye with one of her best friends like that. But she’d been feeling different lately, she’d been feeling like maybe she should start being a little more reckless, standing up for herself a little more. She’d been feeling like she should probably be more like the other women in this place; strong minded, independent and self sufficient. She was too vulnerable, and she couldn’t be, not in a place like this, where it was filled to the brim with Johannas and Sophias of all variants. Through the last few weeks, upon finding her only company in her roommate and Megan, Dani had felt something inside her shifting, almost like a carelessness that was growing within her chest, making things she’d be terrified by before —like confrontation— not seem too bad now. She was almost sure she could blame it on the monotony of her days and the way it slowly felt like she had nothing else to lose.
And maybe it was a good thing that she was becoming a little more apathetic in that sense. Maybe it was the key to being like everyone else in there, to have them look at her like she wasn’t just another lamb to the slaughter.
Avanzini tapped her feet incessantly on the grass beneath her shoes, both of her legs bouncing up and down like crazy. She’d been sitting there for about an hour, she knew she should probably start making her way to lunch, that it wasn’t smart to sit there the entire day waiting for something that might not even happen. Maybe, if Manon was buying from Sophia, she’d already done it yesterday, when the two left Dani to stir dirt alone under the scalding sun to ‘talk’, or maybe Megan had given her the wrong place and they were actually somewhere else while Daniela sat there, waiting like a proper clown. Or maybe Manon hadn’t relapsed and she was just being extremely overly paranoid. But then, why would the girl be ignoring her? Why had things changed so suddenly?
There had to be reason for it, and Dani couldn’t think of anything other than that.
Her head whipped upwards when hesitant steps neared the corner of the building. Dani’s heart leaped at the sight of Manon standing there with her eyes wide, in front of her.
She looked even worse than yesterday. Her skin was sickly pale, like she’d been throwing up for hours and only now managed to get herself on her feet. Her lips were dry and chapped, the skin was pulled and maimed, and red spots were the only color they held, small cuts caused by incessant picking of dead skin. The bags under her eyes were deep, there were red lightning-shaped stripes around her pupils, her baby hairs stuck to her sweaty forehead and the sides of her neck, which were also drenched in sweat. It wasn’t even that hot outside. But to Manon, it might as well have been the surface of the sun, the neckline of her long sleeved white uniform shirt was also drenched, and despite looking like she’d run a marathon, the sleeves were pulled down, held by her shaking fingers on the palm of her hands as she fisted them to hold the hem of the sleeves from bunching up, like it was snowing in the yard and she needed to protect herself from the cold. She looked terrible, even worryingly so.
“W— what…what are you doing here?” her teeth clashed when she spoke, her throat sounded sore, her voice was hoarser than usual. She’d definitely been throwing up, Dani had heard that tone in her voice once before. Just once.
“What are you doing here?” Dani shot back, trying not to show sympathy for the girl.
“Just…walking. Yard time.” Manon shrugged, wrapping her arms around herself like it could shield her from the coldness of Daniela’s gaze.
“Interesting place to take a walk.” the curly-haired girl looked at their surroundings with an air of skepticism, using her hands to gesture around at the deadly silence and the lack of people. It wasn’t the type of environment one would go to relax; it was even a bit unsettling, it felt like just being there already put you on a list of wrongdoings. “Not very lively.” Avanzini sharply tilted her head, noticing the way Manon’s dry throat bobbed as she swallowed the will to be sick again.
“I like the quiet.” she didn’t sound very confident in her answer, which only made Dani’s eyebrows shoot up in disbelief as she pushed herself off the bench and took a few steps towards the girl.
“You’re a liar.” she deadpanned through gritted teeth and, if Manon wasn’t pale as a ghost right then, her skin would’ve turned white with the way her breath hitched. She looked out of it, not only guilty but her eyes held a glint of something Dani couldn’t name, something sour and dangerous, something that had never been directed at her. At least not until this very moment. “You lied to me, Manon.”
“You know I hate lying.” Dani couldn’t even believe the girl's guts to say that straight to her face. She knew that Dani knew, and yet she was pretending like she didn’t, as if ignoring the problem would make it go away. Maybe she thought it would, because that was how Dani herself used to handle all of her problems; no fighting, no communicating, no confrontation, just burying the issues deep inside a drawer in her mind and never letting them see the light of day ever again. But she wasn’t the same Dani she was when Manon used to know her like no other. Now, she felt like no one really knew her, not her boyfriend, not her mother, and definitely not Manon.
“Bullshit!” the younger raised her voice, making Bannerman jump slightly, like any sound louder than the usual was too overwhelming for her head right now. “You lied to me then, and you’re lying to me now!” Manon stayed quiet, her face still slightly scrunched in a grimace from the high pitched tone of Dani’s voice, which was now shaking as she felt her eyes sting at the corners. “You told me you were for real about staying clean, about me! And look at where we are! Look at you!” she gestured wildly around them and at the girl in front of her, who scoffed loudly at the accusations.
“Oh, please, Daniela, grow up! You said it yourself, look at where we are! We’re in fucking prison, you really think anything I said back then matters now?!” the younger frowned like she couldn’t even believe those words. Or rather, she couldn’t believe the mouth they were coming out of. And the worst thing, the worst thing of all, was that Manon didn’t even seem to realize the weight of her words, like she’d been holding them in for a while now and she didn’t even care how sharp they might be to cut straight through Daniela’s built up walls.
“It mattered to me!” she raised her voice louder, like the confrontation had turned into a screaming competition and what mattered was the volume of their voices and not the intention of their words. Though she knew damn well it was the contrary to that. “You love plastering on this kind girl persona, that never lies and always keeps her promises. You’re full of shit! Jesus Christ, you probably didn’t even wait a month before ditching me to go the nearest sketchy basement and snort up whatever’s cheaper!” she knew it was a low blow. She knew Manon suffered with it, from the little they’d spoken about it in the past, she knew how guilty the girl felt over the way she couldn’t get rid of these habits. But Dani couldn’t help it, she couldn’t help it because she believed her. Even with all the relapses, she believed wholeheartedly that Manon had meant every single word she said to her on that night, and to know now that she hadn’t, that their relationship was so fragile it took something so mundane to break, it stung. It stung so deep.
“Don’t you dare speak about it like you fucking understand it. Like you ever understood me!” the oldest raised her finger to point at Dani’s face, the other girl immediately slapping her hand away and pushing her back, not enough to knock her to the ground, Dani didn’t have any real intention of hurting the girl like that, but it was enough to make her stumble into the brick wall with the way her body was fragile and weak, probably from withdrawals or even from whatever her drug choice of the day was. Dani felt sick just thinking about her former best friend like that, but it wasn’t like the other girl had been doing anything to prove this wasn’t who she’d turned into.
“I was the only one who did!” a few tears escaped through her lower lashes when Dani screamed back, pointing at her own chest.
It was now her turn to get shoved, though she barely even moved; Manon didn’t seem to have much strength in her body in that moment. “No! You thought you did!” her voice cracked over how loud she screamed, over the sudden outburst and probably over the knots forming in her throat. Dani could see the way her eyes were shining with unshed tears as well. “See, that’s the problem with you, Dani. You create versions of people in your head, you fantasize them to be what you want them to be, and when they’re not, you get frustrated!” the Latina stood quiet now, her chest heaving as she just looked at Manon with a gaze of utter disbelief and betrayal, her arms hanging loosely, hopelessly by her sides as she just quietly let the other girl pour everything that was buried for years inside her chest out. “You think I’m like you, but I’m not! I never was! I didn’t grow up in a huge house on the finest neighborhood in town with dozens of butlers, I didn’t get money thrown on me by my rich parents anytime I messed things up. Hell, my parents don’t even care that I’m spending three years in jail! In fact, they might even be happy that they’re finally rid of me! We were never the same, Daniela, you just built this stupid fantasy in your head that we were, so you wouldn’t have to face the fact that you’re an egocentric narcissist that gets everything she wants in a silver platter! You can’t blame me for not being what you wrote me to be, like I’m just a side character in the book of your fucking life!” she spoke so quickly and so loudly that, when she was done, Manon had to suck in a long breath, like her lungs couldn’t handle all that talking. Then, she leaned back on the wall, not cooly, not to keep up appearances like she’d taken the advantage in the fight, it just looked like her body had given in to its own weight, and she needed to support it somewhere before she fell.
Dani face was wet now; she had long given up on holding the tears back. She couldn't. Not when the words Manon spoke to her were so intentional, so aimed straight for her heart, with the means to hurt, to leave her sore. Ever since they’d met, Dani had entertained the idea that Manon was the only person in the world that understood her, the only person that she could trust, the only person that saw her for who she was and not for what most people thought her to be. And if, maybe, she’d gotten lost along what was real and what she’d created in her head, who was she to be blamed? It wasn’t her fault that she liked living in her own mind every now and then, escaping her own reality; it 'd been her way of coping since she was younger. Still, she couldn’t accept that it was all fake. If it had been, why didn’t Manon leave sooner? Why didn’t she say something? Why did she stick by Dani’s side until a few months ago? It couldn’t have been all in her head, Manon wouldn’t be cruel to that point. Or at least Dani hoped she wouldn’t.
“You’re right.” her voice shook, despite all the effort to remain stable. Her lips were quivering like she was holding back the will to burst into tears again. Manon also had her fair share streaming down her face, her nose red rimmed, visible from the lack of color in the rest of her face. “You’re not the person I thought you were.”
Manon sniffled, pushing herself off the wall with the smallest hint of a limp in her step. “And you’re not the person you used to be. You didn’t know me, but I knew you. And I don’t know who the fuck this is right now, but it’s not the Dani I knew. You sure as hell aren’t the girl I fell in love with, despite everything.” Dani felt her breath hitch slightly. Of course, it wasn’t a surprise that Manon used to have feelings for her; that was the root of their issue, the reason why everything happened the way it did. It was probably the reason why Manon restrained herself in ever speaking up about how Dani used to make up her own reality and how she made her feel unseen. Maybe she was afraid that, when Dani saw her for who she truly was, she’d run. And if this right in front of her was the real Manon, maybe she’d been right in worrying, because Dani did not like her as much as she did the version she remembered. It wasn’t a surprise, but hearing it from Manon’s chapped, dry, mutilated lips right then made her heart break a little. For what? She didn’t know exactly.
Maybe her heart broke because it was finally sinking in that most of what she thought about Manon had been a lie, a lie she invented herself.
Maybe it broke because of how sick her former best friend looked.
Or maybe her heart broke for what they could’ve been, if they talked, if they took time to understand each other. Maybe then Manon would be clean and Dani wouldn’t be in jail.
But she was a firm believer that everything happened for a reason, and she refused to accept that this was any different.
“I don’t even recognize you anymore, Dani.” Bannerman’s voice was weaker now, almost vulnerable as she stepped back, not giving the younger the time to process the whole fight before bolting away to wherever she felt safer. It looked like running was a characteristic in the real Manon, one that Dani despised passionately. “So, just…do me a favor, okay? Leave me alone.” and then she was turning her back, leaving with her stumbled pace, like her body was moving on its own and her mind wasn’t really catching up.
As soon as Manon was out of sight, Dani let herself sink into the bench once again; the hard uncomfortable metal was better than standing there like the idiot she was. Like the idiot she felt like. She buried her face in her hands, all the tears she’d been holding back finally breaking free as she sobbed into her palms desperately. There was only so much she could gather from the fight, and there was only so much she could remember with how cloudy her thoughts were. Dani had never imagined herself to be in a situation like this, one where she felt this agonizing, flaming disappointment for a person that once was her only safety net. One where Manon turned her back on her and left her there, curled into herself, crying into nobody’s arms, especially in a place where being seen crying was the equivalent to proving that you were bait. An easy target. Dani kind of hoped she’d be one now. She kind of hoped somebody would take her and just end it all, then she wouldn’t have to endure the massive hurt that was slowly spreading through her chest, like a sickness taking over every inch of her body.
She only lifted her head when the bleachers creaked and shook slightly, indicating somebody else’s presence. For a second, Dani thought —maybe even hoped— that it might be Manon. That she might be coming back to apologize, to say that she’d never say something like that to her again, that she’d get clean for real now and that they should be friends again, because it was better than being all alone in that hell of a place. And Dani hated how she might take her up on it.
But when she lifted her head, her eyes didn’t meet Manon’s doe eyed gaze. No, they met deep brown, siren eyes. Lara’s eyes.
The girl sat there quietly, her expression puzzled and just the smallest hint of pity hidden under the glint in her stare. She looked at her like she’d heard everything, like she’d been there for every single word. They made eye contact for what felt like minutes, but could’ve been hours, with the way Phantom Ridge messed with the clocks. Dani considered many things that the girl might do to her then. She considered she could slap her in the face, scream or even just talk to her in that quiet way she used to when they used to share Dani’s bunk for warmth at night. God, that felt like a lifetime ago. But then, Lara did something Dani wouldn’t have predicted in a million years. She reached with her arm across one of her shoulders, pulling her into warm side hug, one the older didn’t even think about denying.
She let herself melt into the familiarity of Lara’s arms, burying her face in the crook of her neck, not really caring if her tears drenched the girl’s brown skin. She was the one who pulled her in, now she’d have to deal with it. Dani shifted to wrap her arms around Lara’s waist, pulling her closer in a move that was everything but sexual. It was pure vulnerability, something she had no idea why she was showing the other girl, but she was, and Lara was taking it all in like she didn’t see Dani as weak or as a target, but just as someone who needed a shoulder in that moment.
Suddenly, the guilt of their fight downed in Daniela’s chest. The things she’d said —or implied— to Lara, and the way the girl didn’t even seem to think about that in the moment. The way she just wrapped Daniela in her embrace even though the girl had been a classist asshole to her more than a couple times now. She’d spent so much time thinking about who Lara was, what she did and why she was like that. Now, Dani realized maybe she didn’t even deserve to know her. Dani didn’t deserve to have her care about her like this when all she'd done was suspect her and underestimate her honesty. And, yeah, maybe she didn’t really know Lara, but maybe she didn’t need to know her. Maybe what mattered was just what she showed her, just the girl she showed herself to be. It was enough for Dani then. “I’m sorry.” she muttered against her skin in between sobs. “I’m sorry, Lara.”
“Hey, it’s okay. Seriously, Dani, it’s fine.” the taller spoke against her hair and Dani pulled away, eyes red and swollen from the crying, her nose drippy as she sniffled incessantly.
“No. No, it’s not.” Avanzini wiped at the tears in her eyes but they hadn’t stopped, they were just slower now, quieter. It was easier to speak now, so, she did, her voice slightly embargoed. “I was raised by…super dumb people with super dumb superiority complexes, and it’s not your fault that I was taught to be like that. To think like that.” she saw the way Lara swallowed sharply upon remembering their small argument, remembering how Dani had looked at her as if she was an animal in the zoo; caged, dangerous. “I don’t think you’re dangerous, or unworthy of anything just because you’re in here, I really don’t. And I’m sorry that my actions and the way I spoke, made it seem that I do. I’ve been…unlearning that here. You’ve been nothing but nice to me, and I was an asshole, I took you for granted and I’m sorry.” even Dani couldn’t believe that she was, for once, communicating her feelings and apologizing like an adult. If she had a therapist, she’d be proud of her. Maybe Manon would be proud of her. The Manon she created in her head, the idea of her, she’d be proud of how Dani was facing this moment. She felt a weight in her chest upon thinking of the girl. She saw the way Lara’s eyes softened at her improvised apology, her arm still enveloping her shoulder as she dragged her thumb gently against the slightly sunburnt skin —she’d chosen to wear the sleeveless shirt this time—. “It’s pathetic, but I miss you.”
Dani almost regretted saying it, but her chest lightened slightly from the doubt when she saw Lara’s genuine smile. She stayed quiet for a few seconds, feigning deep thinking, before she spoke again. “I guess I kinda missed you too.” Raj shrugged and rolled her eyes when Dani’s saddened face lit up the smallest bit. “Don’t let that get to your head. I’m accepting your apology because I’m tired of seeing you sulking around like a sad puppy.” Dani’s scoff was low and a little self-conscious, then Lara moved the arm that was wrapped around her shoulder to push away a few strands of her curly hair that were nowhere near her eyes and definitely didn’t need adjusting. Lara’s easy, reassuring smile was then replaced by her signature smirk, her eyes sparkling as she spoke once more. “Though, you are pretty when you cry.”
The older rolled her eyes and shoved the other girl away with a scoff, not managing to hide the tint of red that warmed her cheeks when she heard the shameless comment. "Shut up." Yeah, Lara really was back. And there was the best sense of relief flooding Dani’s body right now. She might’ve lost Manon today, which was extremely painful to think about, and she might even bring it up to Megan when they met for dubious drinks in the library later, but there was no describing how good it was to feel like there was someone in there on her side. To feel like she wasn’t completely on her own, and that she could lean on someone every now and then, and Lara had proved today that she could be that someone, despite her uncertainty with her past. Maybe not everything needed to be that deep in there, and maybe Dani needed to start getting used to that.
Dani walked into the library with her stomach half full from dinner, it was impossible to be stuffed from that food. Still, she wasn’t starving, or anything, more like unsatisfied. She was getting used to it by now. The halls of Phantom Ridge were still quiet and, in contrast with the hot light of the sunlight, at night, a chilly breeze installed itself among the walls, like a warning of the change in seasons. To her, the change in seasons could only mean one thing; that she’d been there too long, and the gradual cooling of the nights was there as a constant reminder of how many more Winters, Summers, Falls and Springs she’d have to bear behind these beige stained walls.
The library was quiet, even more so than usual, and Dani wasn’t sure if she was being paranoid or if her skin really did rise in goosebumps when she entered the place. She always had a feeling this place was at least a little bit haunted. The name was a little on the nose, in her honest opinion. The only sound in the room was the quiet humming of a heater that had long seen its time, and was begging to retire. Some of the lamps flickered in and out, not enough to be overwhelming or give her headaches, just the casual blinking, to remind her of how long it’d been since they were last changed. The tables, as usual, were empty of any bookworms or passionate readers, the books open on top of them were abandoned in half, like every story this place offered was boring and not enough to keep criminal minds off….well, crimes.
Dani moved quietly, like she was afraid loud stepping would awaken something dangerous within these shelves, like a monster from one of the fantasy books would jump out of the pages and tear her apart. Despite the gut feeling that she should be on her way to her dorm, maybe finding comfort in some light banter with Sophia to distract her mind, she kept making her way towards where she’d usually find Megan, the last row of shelves. She needed that drink after the day she’d had, she needed Megan's yapping to take her mind off of everything that had been poured on her shoulders earlier. And, also, she wasn’t sure how she’d face Sophia after knowing that the girl was selling to Manon. Or at least that was what she gathered from Manon’s defensiveness and her whispering with Sophia in the quiet corners of the yard. The pieces fit too well for it to just be her imagination.
When she turned around the corner, Avanzini was surprised to see their usual spot empty. No Megan, no abandoned bottle, not even a sign that she’d been there to begin with.
Strange.
“Megan?” she called, dumbly, as if the girl was hiding in between the books in the shelves.
Maybe Megan just hadn’t bought anything exciting to share with her today, or maybe she just felt like calling it a night earlier than the usual, since Dani doesn’t really remember seeing her at dinner either. Neither did she see Manon there, but whatever, Dani doesn’t even care about her or where she’s been, or if she was okay. She definitely did not give a shit. She did find Megan’s disappearance strange, the girl didn’t seem like the type to ghost, and their meeting had become a pretty solid routine by now, it was enjoyable for both of them, there was no reason why Megan would ditch her now. Well, she could just be overthinking, like she always did. Megan was a criminal, and a grown adult at that, she was probably fine and she could definitely handle herself, the feeling of concern rising in Dani’s stomach was completely unnecessary.
Until a familiar voice sounded from behind her. One that could manage to turn all of her bones into ice with only a few words.
“She’s not here.” that sharp, intimidating voice. The one she’d heard in the greenhouse. The one that had been haunting her dreams ever since that haunted day. The reason why Dani couldn’t sleep most nights, the reason why she couldn’t wear that uniform again, the reason why she kept a screwdriver hidden between the low quality fabric of her clothes in the drawer by her bed.
Johanna.
Her body turned slightly with a stiffness it was unused to, as if it needed any confirmation of who was standing behind her right then. Dani felt pathetic under that ice cold gaze, blue eyes staring her down as if she was as small as a helpless, sick kitten, abandoned on the side of the street, left to be taken advantage of by the cruelest people that passed by. There, leaning on one of the shelves, was the woman who haunted her nightmares. A small knife was clutched on her right hand, and the sight of the white weapon made Dani’s stomach lurch violently, both from what would happen to her and what could’ve happened to Megan.
She had a feeling that Sophia wouldn’t be around to save her again.
“What did you do to her?” she tried to sound confident, but her voice was small and fearful, her heart drumming in her ears as she kept her eyes on the blade and away from the unsettling face staring her down. No offense, she was just not easy on the eye.
Johanna scoffed sarcastically, pushing herself off the shelve to take a step forward, followed immediately by a retreating step from the younger girl. She was getting Deja Vu from this entire exchange. “Who do you think I am, Ted Bundy?” honestly? She fit almost all the checkboxes, Dani wouldn’t doubt it if they’d been from the same family. “I told her me and you needed to have a little chat. Business to settle, you know?” she narrowed her eyes at Daniela and the girl swallowed dryly, joining her hands to fidget with her fingers in hopes to distract herself from her despairing reality.
It was crazy how much life could change within months.
“Look, whatever the deal is with you and So— Laforteza, I have nothing to do with it, okay?” Avanzini gathered as much of her courage as she could to not let her voice shake when she spoke up again, but didn’t manage the quiet slip of a name that was probably not known by many people inside this place, it sparked the older woman’s curiosity. She hated that her attempt of saving Sophia’s life had sparked a threat to her own.
“No, but you work for her, and that alone puts you on my list.” Dani frowned at that.
Pause.
What?
“No, I don’t?” she cursed herself for sounding so unsure with her answer. She knew damn well she didn’t work for Laforteza and she wasn’t involved in any of this dirty money business the girl had going around. She’d been trying hard to just serve her time without making a fuss and keeping her record clean. Did everyone else think she worked with Sophia? Or, worse yet, for her, like Johanna had just stated. She hoped her confusion was clear on her face, because her words surely weren’t convincing enough.
“Oh, spare me, kid. At most, you’re her whore of the month.” Dani frowned deeper, half offended that she’d been reduced to that and also half in shock that it was even a thing. Johanna stepped forward again, making the shorter girl step back once more, like a rehearsed dance she’d memorized the steps to long ago. “How else would explain you two protecting each other like weird ass dykes and shit?”
Dani had run out of ways to describe how confused she was. And how wrong the woman standing in front of her was right then. “We’re not— she’s not protecting me.” and Dani was not protecting her either, not that Sophia needed any protection, but even if she did, she didn’t know what about herself gave the impression that she’d be some kind of knight in a shining armor. She could barely even look out for herself, let alone for somebody else. Let alone for someone like Sophia, who got herself in trouble with the constancy that the earth orbits itself.
“Oh, yeah? How else do you explain the way she’s been watching me like a hawk? Lurking around anytime I so much as breathe your air?” Dani’s back pressed against the bookshelf uncomfortably as she ran out of space to step back into.
Sophia didn’t do that.
Did she?
Huh, she’d never noticed.
“I didn’t ask her to do that. We don’t even know each other, okay? I have no idea what you’re talking about right now.” she wasn’t lying, and she was desperate for the other woman to believe her as she neared dangerously close into Daniela’s space. Her heart was already hammering against her ribs, hands shaking as she glanced at the knife on her hand, shining under the flickering lamps of the room. She stretched her fingers against the shelve quietly, trying to reach for one of the hard covered books, maybe a heavy one. Johanna was unsettlingly quiet, and Dani took that as her chance, pulling a particularly heavy book from the shelf with the intention of slamming it straight into her head, maybe make a run for it.
She hated how her first thought was to run and find Sophia, like a scared puppy, running with her tails between her legs and hiding behind somebody else. She shouldn’t have that much trust in the older girl, she knew that. But she couldn’t control the way her mind would circle back to her in situations like these. Situations where Dani felt endangered.
Whether or not she’d run to find the brunette, the chance wasn’t given. The taller woman caught her hand mid blow, pushing her arm roughly against the shelf until she let go of the book, hitting the floor with a thud. Dani groaned at the impact of her wrist with the hard wood and the awkward angle her arm was being forced into, hand above her head as her shoulder bended uncomfortably. Her breathing became heavy when Johanna neared her face again, raising the hand that was holding the knife up to her cheekbone, dangerously close to her eye. She felt her eyes water in despair, she couldn’t believe she wouldn’t even last a year inside that place. It was probably about the tenth time that Dani was sure she would be dead.
And, no, that was not an exaggeration.
“If you don’t work for Laforteza, then maybe you won’t mind using that big mouth of yours for something other than snitching.” Daniela’s chest tightened when she felt the cold press of the blade against her face, not breaking skin, just enough for her to know that it was sharp, and it was deadly. Johanna tilted her head with a small smirk like she relished in the younger’s fear, and Dani wished she was more of a fighter, she wished she could punch this woman senseless until she no longer had the nerve to mess with her. Unfortunately, she was raised in a bubble that never required anything from her other than bright, rehearsed smiled and politeness. Those things wouldn’t get her out of this situation, though, so all that had been taught to her was just a bunch of useless bullshit now. “I want you to tell that little pink haired psycho that Laforteza’s stashes ran out, tell her to buy from Silvers instead. Since you like yapping so much, tell her it’s good shit, and that it’s legit.” she gripped Dani’s hand hard enough to leave bruises on her paled skin, maybe she should think about enjoying more sunlight on her yard time. Was she Silvers? Was that why she and Sophia had so much tension? They were competing with the illegal business right under the guards’ noses.
Jesus, prison sucked ass.
“Then, you’re gonna go to that scrawny, half-dead junkie you used to sit with. The black one.” something bitter burned Dani’s throat at the carelessly rude way the older woman referred to Manon. Despite not being on the best terms with her, in fact, despite being on what should be worst terms she’d ever been with the girl, she still felt her free hand curl into a fist when those words were thrown at her, talking about Manon like she was nothing but a dead-end. Nothing but a potential money farmer. It was because of people like her and Laforteza that Manon was the way she was. Or maybe that was one of the reasons. Among many others. Dani felt her eyes darken despite the glint of built tears on them. “And you’re gonna tell her, if she wants to get rid of her withdrawals, there’s someone else that sells coke and doesn’t leave her hanging like Laforteza just did.” Dani didn’t even know what that meant. And she wasn’t sure she wanted to, she wanted nothing to do with this sketchy ass business. This woman and Sophia might not care about extra years in their sentence, but Dani was trying to get out of that place as soon as she could. And getting involved with whatever that was, it surely was a bust to her clean record inside that place. “I want you to tell everyone, whether you know them or not, that Laforteza’s business are busted, since you like airing people’s matters so badly. Do we understand each other?”
Daniela narrowed her eyes at her, tilting her chin up just slightly to convey some confidence. The amount that she lacked. “And if I don’t?” she shot back, recklessly for someone who had a blade pressed against her face.
Johanna chuckled lowly, almost darkly, like she couldn't believe the other girl's words, before she pressed the tip of the blade to the shorter’s cheekbone, making Daniela suck in a sharp breath at the sudden stinging sensation. The tears that were building in her eyes spilled over quietly when the woman dragged the knife slowly, in an almost torturing pace, through the skin a few inches under her eye. The cut was deep enough to make her head light, almost spinning with the agonizing pain, but it wasn’t so deep that stitches would be needed. It was just enough to make a trail of red descend her cheek and soak through the neckline of her uniform, just enough to leave the message.
What must have been about 5 seconds of the quiet maiming, felt like hours of pure torture for Daniela as she shook incessantly under the pain of the cut. She almost sighed in relief when the blade was finally pulled away, and Johanna stepped back a little to look at her work with predatory eyes, her gaze following the red trail all the way down the Avanzini’s neck before she looked up again. Dani felt her breathing stop when she felt the same pressure over the side of her neck, right on top of where her artery pulsed with the desperation of a heart that hadn’t stopped jumping ever since she turned to meet those haunting blue eyes. “Then maybe next time I won’t be so merciful.” she spoke through gritted teeth.
To Dani’s relief, she let her go with a hard shove against the wooden shelves, making her back protest in pain. Johanna hid her blade under the waistband of her uniform before stepping back with one last glare to the younger girl, who was now completely leaned over the bookshelf behind her. As soon as she was out of sight, Dani let a choked sob escape her throat as she slid down to sit on the floor, raising her hand to wipe at the bloody trail left on her face, it was mixing with the quiet tears that were cascading down. She couldn’t imagine how terrible she looked right now.
Dani looked down at her bloody fingers, reddened by the blood she’d wiped away from her cheek, before her eyes caught something else. She’d been frequenting that library for weeks now, every night, and Megan would always occupy the spot she was currently sat at, as Dani would usually sit opposite to her, facing the girl and with her back turned to the other bookshelf. It was probably the reason why she hadn’t noticed the carved scriptures on the dark wood.
It wasn’t unusual for the shelves in the library to have carved names and patterns on them, just like it wasn’t unusual for the books to have their pages ripped and their covers vandalized with pornographic sketches and sentences that were written with the intention to make you feel like you were a psycho inside a mental hospital. She’d never payed them much mind, it was much like her old school’s bathroom stalls, if you looked close enough, payed enough attention, you might regret what you see. But this time, something caught her attention. Dani frowned, tilting her head, her injury momentarily forgotten as she crawled forward, closer to the bookshelf that was placed opposite to the wall of the library, the one she was usually turned back to.
Laforteza.
1998
2012
2019
2025
Dani frowned, running the tips of her index and middle fingers over the scriptures like she’d just found an antique relic. The numbers seemed to grow more recent as they passed, Dani guessed the last one was carved by Mini Laforteza, who was thrown in this year, which could only mean…Sophia had been there for 6 years? She pressed on the third number like it’d start spilling answers to the many questions she had. If, by entertaining the idea in her mind, the last two dates were Mini Laforteza and Sophia’s years of sentencing, who were the others? Her mother? An older sister? A cousin? Her grandmother?
Dani had too many questions and so little space to ask them. She didn’t know what the boundary between herself and Laforteza was, she didn’t know if she could ask things like that without risking losing the friendly moment they were on. But she longed to know the story behind her imprisonment, behind her family’s story. She longed to know everything about Sophia Laforteza. And that just might lead her through the worst paths this prison held for her.
Dani walked into the yard later than usual, her long sleeved shirt doing nothing to prevent the burning sun from roasting her skin. She’d opted for the long sleeved version after taking a look at the darkening bruise on her right wrist, finger marks prominent and very visible to anyone who batted an eye. She’d gone to the infirmary the night before, after staying a few minutes in the library in utter shock and pain, and asked nurse Thompson to bandage the gnarly cut on her face. He did so with no questions, something Daniela was extremely grateful for. When she’d gotten to the dorm at night, Sophia wasn’t there yet, and she ended up falling asleep before the counting, even finding strange how nobody woke her up for it. Maybe it just wasn’t necessary to be awake to be counted as present.
She decided to sleep in that morning, skipping breakfast, totally not with the intention to avoid looking at Johanna and giving her the opportunity to remind her of the ‘deal’ Daniela was pretty sure she hadn’t verbally agreed to the night prior. She refused to speak to Manon about it, it didn’t matter if it might get her killed, if Sophia was out of cocaine like Johanna had implied she was, it meant Manon was being forced to stay clean, and that was a win for her and it would be a win for Manon in the future, even if she might not view it as that right now. So, yeah, she didn’t eat breakfast and when she exited through the main door and made her way to the greenhouse, she was relieved to not catch sight of Johanna anywhere. She was probably in her own station, thankfully.
Avanzini entered the greenhouse quietly, but the creak of the door was enough to give away her presence. Sophia was standing there at the wooden counter, messing with a few packed seeds like she didn't know what to do with them and wearing what she’d usually wear when they were out in the greenhouse, the tank top and uniform pants, her hair pulled up in a bun that was held by an overused hair tie. “I thought being late was kinda my thing.” she spoke with an air of lightness, not turning around to meet her eyes, like she already knew it was Dani walking in. “Thought you were gonna leave me to deal with the carrots all alone.” there was a dramatic edge to her voice that Dani had yet to hear from her, it was almost amusing.
She couldn’t suppress the small smile that tugged at the corners of her mouth as she moved to the counter on the opposite side to where Sophia stood, standing with her back to her. She grabbed a few gardening tools that were hung on the edgeless hooks, all of them looking a bit too old, rusted and with spider webs clinging to most of the area. Dani grabbed the least dirty cloth in sight to wipe clean some of the webs and dirt remnants. “Yeah, thought I’d be unoriginal today. Don’t worry, I’m here now.” she tried to mimic the same tone the Laforteza had, but it was hard when the girl was so effortlessly cool and nonchalant like she was. Dani was more of a panicked, always stressed type of girl, that always seemed to be thinking over her words about ten times in her head before speaking them. Sophia, she wasn’t like that. No, she looked like she always said the first thing at the forefront of her mind, as if her thoughts were meant to be heard.
And that was just one of the many things they diverged on.
“Thank God,” she heard the older chuckle and shift, probably turning to stare at her back now as Dani didn’t give her the satisfaction of meeting her eye just yet. Instead, she stayed with her back to her, casually wiping at the tools they were going to use to mask the slight shaking in her hands, caused by the feeling of the other girl’s eyes burning into the back of her head, like she could see through her. “I can’t even lie, I have no idea what I’m doing with these seeds. I’ve never been…much of a farmer.” Dani laughed at how stupidly the joke landed and shook her head slowly in disbelief. Every exchange she had with Sophia had her forgetting she was the person that she was. The person that sold drugs to her former best friend. The person who ran a very sketchy business inside this place. The person Dani knew nothing about. She turned around, still holding the garden spade, only to see the small glint of amusement in her deep brown eyes darken when they met her face.
Shit, the cut.
“What happened to you?” Sophia frowned, her eyes now shining with concern and something else that Dani couldn’t name. There were several inches and emotions in her gazes that Dani couldn’t point out even with a manual. It was what made her so intimidating, the way her eyes gave nothing away, the way her secrets and every single information one might try to get from her expressions and her body language was masked under perfectly, milimetric protection. Like a barrier that had been built her entire life, and was put up with the intention of never being brought down. It was like she was written in a language Dani wasn't fluent in. Yet.
"And Laforteza better not hear about this, or you’re dead on my hands."
Dani swallowed dryly as she remembered the sharp voice that replayed over and over again in her mind during the night. That whispered quietly to her in her dreams, that made her forehead beam with sweat when she woke up. She didn’t want to get involved with whatever it was that Sophia and Johanna had, and she sure as hell didn’t want Sophia to think she wanted any part of it, or worse, that she wanted to work for her, like Johanna assumed she did. Not only that, but Sophia already viewed her as weak, and if she was watching Johanna like a hawk —the woman’s words, not hers— it meant she also saw vulnerability and a target in Dani. And she couldn’t have that.
She couldn’t tell her.
“Oh, I just— I fell today, on the shower.” it was a stupid excuse, clearly made up on the spot, it wasn’t even slightly believable. But it was enough for Sophia to know that, if she realized she was lying, she didn’t want to tell her what actually happened.
Laforteza frowned at her nervousness and at the tilt in her voice, tilting her head and crossing her arms. Her eyes then were filled with something Dani could miraculously read, almost like a quiet reassurance, something that told her she could trust her. Dani couldn’t help but feel like it was a trap. Like she was being lured into a dark corner that only showed it’s true colors once you were already in too deep, with no chances of getting out. “Did someone did this to you?” Sophia didn’t sound angry, or vengeful, or any of the things you’d expect from a woman who’s been in prison for six years, if any of her assumptions were correct. She just sounded…worried.
And worry had never sounded so dangerous to Daniela’s ears.
“No! No, seriously, I just slipped and fell face down on that shitty tiled wall.” Dani lied through her teeth, and even she almost believed herself as she spoke again. “It’s why I missed breakfast, I was in the infirmary, Thompson was scolding me for being careless.” she nervously chuckled when Sophia started walking closer to take a better look at the wound.
Then, without warning, Laforteza raised her hand, touching the side of Dani’s neck and placing her thumb on her jawline, gently making her turn her face to the side. Her touch was nothing like Johanna's heavy, calloused hands. Her hands were cold and soft, even surprisingly so, you’d think she was moisturizing them everyday with the most expensive cream in the house. Her touch was light and repressed, like she didn’t want to make Dani uncomfortable under it, she just wanted to take a closer look and nothing more. But with the way her thumb lingered on the side of her jawline, just lightly grazing her skin, Dani almost —almost— leaned into it. “This looks razor cut.” she muttered almost to herself, but Dani caught it, straightening when her hand was pulled away, leaving a stinging, almost numbing sensation where her touch had once been. A sensation Dani craved for. “Are you sure nobody did this? You can tell me, I won’t tell anyone.”
Daniela almost stupidly gave in, her eyes wide as she stared deep into Sophia’s endless ones. She felt delirious with their closeness and the deepness of her gaze, a gaze that strictly told her she could trust Sophia, that she could tell her. And she almost did. But then she remembered the threat, and then she remembered that sometimes looks can be deceiving. And Sophia looked a little too good for it to be completely reliable. So, Dani stepped back, breaking their eye contact before she fell to her knees under that quiet humming that the glint of the girl’s pupils whispered, pulling her in like a siren’s song. “Yeah, I’m fine. In fact, I should really tell Miller about how dangerous those broken tiles are.” she forced out a chuckle and Sophia seemed like she still wasn’t convinced, her eyes narrowed as she stepped back, giving up on getting the real answer. Dani almost sighed in relief when she stepped, the only reason she didn’t was because she also sort of missed the warmth of her closeness.
Whatever the fuck that meant.
Ugh, her head was confused.
“So, wanna get those carrots ready to plant?” Dani shot her the brightest smile she could muster and the girl couldn’t contain a small grin of her own as she grabbed the pack of seeds she was messing with before her arrival, moving towards the door.
“Lead the way.” she nodded at the door and Dani did so, carrying the tools they’d need in her left hand, she reached for the door with her right, barely noticing the way the hem of her sleeve just slightly bunched up when she stretched her arm, a glimpse of the dark bruises on her wrist becoming visible for a moment before she pulled open the door and held it for Sophia to walk through, hoping that she hadn’t caught the slip.
“Ladies first.” she shot her the best charming smile she could put on, hoping maybe it’d distract the girl from falling back into their earlier discussion. Sophia didn’t say anything, but her small grin hadn’t faltered, so Dani guessed maybe she just hadn’t noticed. Thankfully.
They rounded the greenhouse to the small garden placed right behind it, the dirt they’d been fertilizing was still there, ready for plantation. Dani also hadn’t been much of a farmer, but boarding schools had weird programs sometimes, so she could manage her way around a garden. She kneeled by the soil, grabbing the spade, she started making small holes in the dirt and placing the seeds a respectable distance from each other, all while Sophia stood there, watching her and holding her untouched pack of seeds with her arms crossed. “You’d tell me if Johanna was messing with you again, right?” Dani froze her actions when she heard the question. She'd long known that Sophia wasn’t stupid, she couldn’t be stupid with the way she moved inside this place, quietly controlling it under the guards’ noses.
She turned around, using one of her hands to shield her eyes from the blinding sun. Sophia had a puzzled look on her face, like she too was trying to figure Daniela out the same way she was. Only that couldn’t be, Daniela had always considered herself very easy to read. She’d always been an expressive person, she wore her feelings on her sleeve ever since she was about eight years old. Sophia probably had her all figured out inside her head, as for Dani…she still had no idea who this woman was. And she pathetically ached to find out. “Of course, I said I would, remember?” this time the lie slipped easily, even she believed her own tone. Despite the narrowed eyed look the older shot her, Sophia dropped the subject for good, giving Dani an opening to change the conversation into the easy banter they usually exchanged during gardening time. “Now, help me out with these carrots, come on. I can’t be doing shit alone here.” she heard a hint of a chuckle from the girl behind her as she turned, the brunette kneeling by her side and following her movements.
Sophia was so clueless about gardening, it was actually sort of sweet how she was just blindly following anything Dani did, like a child learning to draw and mimicking their friends while doing so. She clumsily made the holes too big, adverting her gaze from hers to the ones Dani dug and frowning like a toddler when noticing they weren't even slightly the same. She accidentally put too many seeds in one hole, and she got her hands all dirty when she decided to just ditch the spade and dig with her bare hands, her nose crinkling as she messed with the soil with no certainty whatsoever. Dani bit back a smile every time she had to intervene in something, and she could see that Laforteza’s hardened expression softened as they worked together in the garden.
And if Dani’s heart lurched a little when their fingers grazed each other when reaching for more seeds, it was nobody’s business but her own.
Dani poked at the colorless beans on her tray, leaning her cheek in the palm of her hand. The bad part about almost always skipping dinner to drink with Megan at the library was that her stomach had gotten used to the lack of food and over ingestion of alcohol around that time, which meant now that she was actually attempting to eat, she didn’t feel hungry at all. She let her mind wander to this morning, her and Sophia planting carrots like it was the most intimate thing in the world, sharing laughs over her lack of planting abilities. Then, she thought about the scriptures in the library, about what Sophia’s family was, what she’d been involved with before getting thrown in there. Were they a gang? Were they in the mafia? Were they internationally known?
Daniela needed to know so bad, it annoyed her.
She looked up to find Laforteza sitting a few tables ahead of her. She looked different than this morning. Her hair was now pulled down, covering the sides of her neck, but even so she could see the marks of choking around her throat, dark and visible even in the bad lighting. She had a scratch on her right cheekbone, not razor cut, it looked like it’d been caused by nails that hadn’t been cut in a while. Her other eye, the left one, sported a blackening bruise, a punch that was delivered too strongly and probably made her lose her balance. It wasn’t unusual, she always got herself in trouble. It wasn't unusual, but it’d been a while since Dani had seen Sophia so beaten down like that. It only worked to prove, once again, that Sophia was absolutely not what Dani made her up to be in her mind, and the sooner she realized that, the best it was for her.
It just wasn’t easy when Sophia looked that good all the damn time.
Thankfully —or to Daniela’s disappointment— someone blocked her vision from the girl as they positioned themselves right in front of her. She lifted her gaze to meet Megan’s eyes, grinning at her like she usually did, only more sober this time around. “Mind if we extend our library friendship to library-and-cafeteria friendship?” she suggested and Dani couldn’t hold back a chuckle at how dumb that sounded. Nodded with a small grin of her own, nodding at the seat in front of her, Megan wasting no time in taking a seat and digging into her tray. She only stopped to give Dani’s wound a look that mixed curiosity and a glimpse of masked concern. “So, who got you good?” at the older’s frown, Megan gestured at her own cheekbone, making Dani widen her eyes slightly.
“Oh, I fell. In the bathroom.” she gave her that lying smile, the same one she shot Sophia.
“Oh, uh-huh. You mean you fell face down on someone’s blade?” she said with a light joking tone, that tone that implied she wasn’t going to ask more than Dani wanted to tell. That was exactly why she and Megan worked so well. Dani was quiet, reserved, and Megan didn’t mind that at all, she just liked the company. And maybe Dani liked the company a bit too. She still rolled her eyes at the comment. “Sorry about the lack of alcohol today, Laforteza kinda left me hanging, she’s been stressed with her coke issue.”
That reminded Dani of her ‘deal’ —again, she does not remember agreeing to it— with Johanna. She stretched the fingers on the hand her face was still leaned against, just slightly grazing the corner of the wound the older woman had left there. She wasn’t going to trick Manon into buying from Silvers, but maybe she could fulfill the request halfway. Megan had just given her the perfect opportunity. “About that, random question.” she spoke and Megan looked at her curiously, chewing on what was supposed to be chicken, but tasted a lot like synthetic plastic bags. “Have you ever…like— bought from Silvers?”
Dani hated how she felt like she was betraying Sophia by doing this. She didn’t work for her, she didn’t owe her anything, especially business wise. She shouldn’t feel like doing something she was quite literally being forced to do was some sort of backstabbing on the other girl. Megan frowned like she had no idea where this question was coming from, “No, never.” she responded before bringing another full spoon to her mouth, hiding the grimace at the taste of the food. Dani looked down at her own cooling dinner, looking grayer as the minutes ticked by, she poked at the excuse of a chicken.
“You never thought about it? I mean, I heard it’s pretty legit too, and since Laforteza’s been leaving you hanging…” she used that tone. The one that she’d always used to try and convince people to do things her way without them even realizing. It used to work wonders for her out there, when she didn’t live in fear everyday of her life and she actually had some control over what happened in her surroundings.
Megan shrugged, then her eyebrows shot up. “Even if I wanted to, I’ve been buying from Laforteza for a whole year straight. Silvers is her number one rival. I’m not tryna get beat up.” the girl spoke with a casualty to her tone that unsettled the older. Despite being in there for a while now, Dani still had to get used to the way somethings were just not a big deal around here. The way these women talked about drugs, and stabbing, and getting beat up like it was just another Tuesday for them, it still made her tense up.
“You think she’d do that?” Dani looked over to the table where Sophia was sat, drinking her boxed orange juice like it might as well have been the finest Whiskey in the shelf. She made everything look effortlessly charming and chic, like her essence was the only thing needed to transform poorly grilled bagged chicken into roasted salmon with sesame crust. Daniela could almost imagine her in a fancy attire, silver jewelry over her fingers and collarbone, expensive earrings, black clothes. She could picture her in an expensive, backless black dress, the kind that fit the body just right. Or maybe a fitted tailored suit, she could see it going both ways.
Maybe Manon was right about how much she projected.
“Maybe not Laforteza herself, I’m not that important.” Megan’s voice thankfully pulled her out of a very imaginative black hole. “But she’d probably send her goons after me, just to clear the message. It’s like making a deal with the devil, you know? Bought it once, you can pass it as a one time thing. Bought it twice, you got yourself a supplier. Three times? You’re rooted in for life.” it was almost alluring, how Megan spoke about that stuff with her eyes wide and her voice eccentric. Everything about her was a little eccentric. Maybe she really was a psycho, in a place like this, you’d never know. She was like a storyteller, she got Dani unashamedly immersed in her words every time she spoke in that tone, the one that sounded mysterious but was actually just as revealing as any other. “You sure are getting real entertained by this whole dark market thing, aren’t ya’?” Megan asked as she bit into the flavorless cookie they passed as dessert.
“I’m just curious.” Dani shrugged, finally bringing a spoon of cold chicken into her mouth. She almost threw up at the rubbery texture. Man, Lara really needed to do a better job in that kitchen.
“Just be careful.” the pink haired girl said with a warning tone, meeting Dani’s confused gaze. Megan leaned slightly over the table, elbows on the surface as she whispered. “Laforteza looks harmless at first, but she’s dangerous. Other inmates? They walk around with big scary scars and tattoos and roughen their voices to make you bow to them, they flash their weapons to make you fear them. But, Laforteza?” the younger shot a sideways glance to the table behind them; Sophia wasn’t looking their way, entertained in conversation with a blonde girl sitting by her side. “She’s venomous, and slippery. She has something few inmates do. She’s charming, that’s her biggest weapon. And she’s smart. She’s smarter than most people here, a world class manipulator.” Dani swallowed harshly. She already knew all that, or, well, she knew Sophia was bad news from the first day she’d been there. It’s not like the first time she saw her was at a parade of flowers, fireworks and smiles. But getting the reality thrown into her face like that, Dani didn’t like it. She liked living in her head, in the place where Sophia wasn’t manipulative and dangerous, she was just the girl that protected her from rapists and didn’t have a clue how to plant carrots. “One thing I learned about her as soon as I got here, is that she gets everything she wants. So, maybe just…stay out of her business, for your own safety. I can handle the purchases for us.” the last sentence was said in a lighter tone, like Megan herself knew she’d darkened the mood of their conversation.
She shot Dani a small wink, but the girl barely caught it as her eyes were stuck to Laforteza’s table. The girl now laughed quietly, almost like she was hiding her smile. No, it wasn’t a smile, it was more of a smirk. It was nothing like what Dani had seen under the sun today when they were laughing over the carrot seeds and digging holes in the dirt as if they were on the neighborhood’s playground. No, this smile was devious, it held intention. Bad intentions. Intentions to hurt, to maim. And still, still with her face as expressive as it was, Daniela still couldn’t read her. Staring at Sophia wasn’t like staring at a blank board, it was like staring a board full of information about a topic she didn’t know, in a language she didn’t understand. It was agonizing to Daniela, who had always prided herself in knowing exactly how to read the people around her.
“Ugh, please tell me you two aren’t friends now.” Lara’s voice beside her pulled her away from falling into the Sophia-shaped rabbit hole her mind was slowly carving through. The girl already had a section in Daniela’s brain with her name branded into, making it impossible for her to think about anything else most times of the day. She was the most interesting thing in this place.
Lara tossed her tray on the table with a clanky sound and let herself fall by Dani’s side, looking tired from the day and the time she spent in the kitchen. The brown skinned girl adverted her gaze between the two girls, who just looked at her with their faces plastered in amusement. “This is starting to look a lot like a conspiracy against me.” she protested tiredly before digging into her own dinner, reminding Dani to at least try and finish half of her tray so she wouldn’t pass out on her way to the dorm.
“Yeah, we’re creating a society called Anti-Lara-Raj.” Megan smirked and Dani kind of felt bad for her, knowing the girl had to put up a front and pretend like she wasn’t still pathetically in love with the girl sitting with them.
“Yup. It’s a hit, everyone wants to join.” the curly-haired girl carried on with the bit, wiping at the corner of her mouth after bring up a full spoon of the mushy beans on her tray.
“Oh, yeah. Ha-ha, very funny.” Lara rolled her eyes in a way that was anything but angry, it was like she cherished these small moments. And maybe Dani did too. She was just happy to not sit completely by herself every night now, it was surely not helping the extremely depressing energy this place was making her take in.
“Careful, Lara. Give it a few days, I might steal your pretty girl.” Megan shot another playful wink her way and Dani couldn’t contain the small blush that rose up the back of her neck, Lara rolled her eyes again, going back to her food before something else caught her vision. She looked up and ahead of them, her eyes softening almost immediately, her gaze conveying something Dani had yet to see in those brown pupils. Something that was worryingly similar to longing.
She followed her gaze just in case, only to find that she was closely watching Manon as the girl carried her tray through the tables. Dani couldn’t even begin to think about the look in Lara’s eyes, because in the next second, Sophia was shifting in her seat and turning to wave her closer, pushing the blonde girl by her side to give Manon some space to sit right beside her. And the older went without even hesitating, taking a seat beside Sophia, looking as sick as she did on the day before, maybe even worse now. They traded a few words, words the rest of them couldn’t hear, and then Sophia spoke to the rest of the table, enveloping her arm over Manon’s shoulders like they’d been friends for ages and laughing. Manon wasn’t tense, she didn’t seem like she minded the other girl’s presence, suppressing a smile and even laughing quietly and reservedly at some of their jokes.
Dani frowned at the scene as if it might as well have been offending her. “Well, looks like Manon found her people.” Lara sounded as disappointed as she felt, and, knowing she’d heard all of that, it was clear what they both thought —or better yet, knew— that brought Sophia and Manon close. They both knew it, and they both hated it. They hated it for different reasons, but they did. Megan, clueless to the entire exchange, turned around in her seat to look at the scene both girls were staring daggers at. Or rather, Dani was staring daggers, Lara was just quietly yearning over it, her eyes glinting like the sight hurt her physically.
Megan turned around, even more confused than she was before seeing the scene. “Am I supposed to know who that is?”
And then, they fell into a quick conversation where Lara and Dani explained who Manon was with little detail and the reason why they were so affected by her sudden proximity with Sophia. All the while Daniela kept shooting glances at the two, both unaware of the eyes on them. She wondered if Sophia knew that she and Manon used to be close. No, of course she didn’t. Because Sophia didn’t care about her like that, she didn’t care to learn things about her, she didn’t care to know everything about her the way Dani did. Dani was the only clown between the two of them, the only one hyper fixated in learning more about Sophia, in getting closer to her. She felt so stupid, especially with the words Megan had said earlier.
She’s charming, that’s her biggest weapon.
And it seemed like it worked wonders on Daniela, since she couldn’t get that annoying dimpled smile out of her mind.
Dinner went by faster than she’d anticipated, and sooner than later, Dani was back in her dorm after having to face an excruciatingly long line to shower and brush her teeth in the bathroom. Now, she was getting ready for sleep, restlessly fussing over the sheets on her bed as Sophia sat quietly on her own bed, eyes skimming over pages on a book, glasses perched at the tip of her nose, making her look unnervingly attractive. Thank God the night was cold and Dani had an excuse to wear the long sleeves again, not worrying about her square mate seeing her bruises. Although, Sophia wouldn’t really be in the place to comment on that, since she was also pretty beaten up.
Daniela didn’t comment on it. She didn’t want to talk to Sophia right now.
The atmosphere in the dorm was tense. The counting had already gone by ten minutes ago, but the lights were still on as the guards talked quietly in the bubble. Through the glass Daniela could see that they were stressed, looking at their work phones like something wasn’t right. Outside, in the squares, the whispering was incessant, the inmates’ hushed voices were the only sound Daniela was able to hear. The only people not talking were herself and Sophia, who seemed unaffected by whatever was wrong. Like she couldn't care less and she only cared about what was happening in her book.
With the excuse of throwing away an old snack package she’d found tucked in between her mattress and footrest, Daniela left her square, keeping her ears attentive to anything that might explain why it was taking so long for the guards to turn off the lights and lock the doors. When she got nothing, she tossed the wrapping on the small bin close to the exit door, and started making her way back to her bed, already giving up on making sense of the whispers in the hall.
It was then that she heard it. One of the women who should be on her thirties, she was two squares before her own, talked a little too loudly to the inmate on the other side of the square divider.
“Looks like they only counted 47,” she said, voice amused and excited like she was sharing gossip under the bleachers during lunch break. Like this was the most exciting thing that happened in her entire year. “Silvers isn’t here.”
Oh.
Oh, shit.
Notes:
okay, now we're REALLY diving into the main plot hihih so excited
why did i realize mid writing that danon's fight was lowkey giving jackieshauna lmao, i also wrote it with the hope that both sides are understandable and that no one is right or wrong, i really hope i could get that across
title translated from one of my favorite songs, Lisboa by Anavitória!! the reason behind this choice is up to interpretation;)
here's the translation in case anyone's interested in what i was listening while writing this:)kudos & feedback are not demanded but very appreciated, lmk your thoughts! <3
Pages Navigation
yushizhv on Chapter 1 Sat 18 Oct 2025 06:44PM UTC
Comment Actions
toastedwafffle on Chapter 1 Sun 19 Oct 2025 12:53AM UTC
Comment Actions
rajscultur3 on Chapter 1 Sun 19 Oct 2025 01:57AM UTC
Comment Actions
Almightyfearnot on Chapter 1 Tue 30 Dec 2025 07:48AM UTC
Comment Actions
Kashtanka on Chapter 2 Mon 20 Oct 2025 06:33PM UTC
Comment Actions
babytajinnnn on Chapter 2 Mon 20 Oct 2025 07:18PM UTC
Comment Actions
amer1canhoney on Chapter 2 Tue 16 Dec 2025 08:53PM UTC
Comment Actions
Almightyfearnot on Chapter 2 Tue 30 Dec 2025 11:46AM UTC
Comment Actions
Evilicequeen19 on Chapter 3 Fri 31 Oct 2025 07:26PM UTC
Comment Actions
d4nilvrr on Chapter 3 Sun 02 Nov 2025 12:46PM UTC
Comment Actions
rajscultur3 on Chapter 3 Sun 02 Nov 2025 01:01PM UTC
Comment Actions
d4nilvrr on Chapter 3 Sun 02 Nov 2025 01:24PM UTC
Comment Actions
d4nilvrr on Chapter 3 Sun 02 Nov 2025 06:45PM UTC
Comment Actions
Kashtanka on Chapter 4 Tue 11 Nov 2025 12:30AM UTC
Comment Actions
d4nilvrr on Chapter 4 Tue 11 Nov 2025 02:34AM UTC
Comment Actions
rajscultur3 on Chapter 4 Tue 11 Nov 2025 11:48AM UTC
Comment Actions
d4nilvrr on Chapter 4 Tue 11 Nov 2025 03:17AM UTC
Comment Actions
Evilicequeen19 on Chapter 4 Fri 14 Nov 2025 03:56AM UTC
Comment Actions
hyomars on Chapter 4 Sat 15 Nov 2025 02:01PM UTC
Comment Actions
rajscultur3 on Chapter 4 Wed 19 Nov 2025 12:54AM UTC
Comment Actions
hyomars on Chapter 4 Wed 19 Nov 2025 03:11PM UTC
Comment Actions
d4nilvrr on Chapter 4 Wed 19 Nov 2025 12:18AM UTC
Comment Actions
rajscultur3 on Chapter 4 Wed 19 Nov 2025 12:51AM UTC
Comment Actions
d4nilvrr on Chapter 4 Wed 19 Nov 2025 11:44PM UTC
Comment Actions
megawaifu on Chapter 4 Thu 20 Nov 2025 05:54AM UTC
Comment Actions
nyx_ech0 on Chapter 4 Tue 02 Dec 2025 06:28PM UTC
Comment Actions
nyx_ech0 on Chapter 4 Tue 02 Dec 2025 06:29PM UTC
Comment Actions
rajscultur3 on Chapter 4 Tue 02 Dec 2025 08:29PM UTC
Comment Actions
nyx_ech0 on Chapter 4 Thu 04 Dec 2025 12:35PM UTC
Comment Actions
amer1canhoney on Chapter 4 Tue 16 Dec 2025 09:17PM UTC
Comment Actions
Pages Navigation