Chapter Text
Your dearly beloved husband was called to serve his country in war just half a year after you two got married. You were also in the first trimester of your pregnancy. Before he left, Sylus promised you two won't be separated for long. The wartime machines he was going to engineer would surely bring your country's success quickly.
You waited for him as the war ravaged your country through the passing months. He promised to come back, so you trusted him. Even as you laboured alone, and brought your daughter into this world, you thought only of his eventual return.
The little girl you gave birth to looked like a miniature of him. The few wispy hairs she was born with were as white as a dove's plumes. And her eyes just as deeply crimson as his gaze and the ruby of the engagement ring he gifted you. You couldn't wait until your Sylus would finally meet the tiny girl you two created.
But when Peony was three months old, you received that devastating letter. Your husband was pronounced dead on the battlefield, with no body to be returned home and properly buried. He died in an explosion, and no one could find the scattered remains of what once used to be the man you loved most.
Grief struck you like a bolt of lightning, and wrapped itself around your heart, squeezing it until you thought you'd soon follow him into nonexistence. But as much as you dreaded living without him, you had to keep strong and care for Peony. Although she'll never meet her father, she still needed her mother, and you couldn't let down your and Sylus' daughter. He always pushed you to overcome your fears and find your strength in any situation. Your husband encouraged you to stand confident and undefeated. And you will honour his loving words, his existence and raise Peony to be loved and happy. If his soul could watch his two girls from beyond death, you had to make him proud. So you wiped your tears, hugged your baby tight, and promised Sylus to push through your grief and fear.
His funeral was heartbreaking. Every condolence you received from family, friends and neighbours weighed down your heart. You knew they meant well, they grieved his early death too, but no one could understand the pain you had to endure. They didn't know how it felt to have your soul torn into two, to forever long for that missing half, and know you'll never be able to get it back. But you bit your lip and blinked away the tears forming in your eyes, as the mortuary stone with his name and the short amount of time he spent on this Earth was placed atop an empty grave.
When everyone else left, you lit candles and placed them on either side of the stone. You stood and left as the candles bathed his resting place in light, and the petals of the datura bouquet atop his grave swayed gently in the breeze.
Time passed, and eventually, the war ended when an armistice was signed between the two countries. For the first time in her two years of life, Peony will experience peace.
Just a few months later, the house besides your own —that had been left empty after the death of your elderly neighbour— was bought by a surgeon who wanted to start his life anew after the war.
One day, you and Peony were walking through your neighbourhood when you spotted him, raking the fallen leaves on the path to his home. Dr Zayne Li looked like a cold man, serious and clearly shaped by the war he had to go through. He seemed to be around the same age as your husband, had Sylus still been alive.
You greeted him and introduced yourself as his nextdoor neighbour, presenting Peony as well, who couldn't care less about the man her mother was talking to. Dr Li greeted you with a cordial nod and his own introduction. You looked into his eyes while shaking his hand, and the forest bathed in golden light of his eye colour seemed lifeless. Like a painting of a vibrant forest scene, its varnish darkening over time, and left to gather dust over decades. You didn't want to know what this man went through, to look so young and yet so troubled.
He wasn't keen on speaking further, and Peony was already pulling you away, so you bid him goodbye and followed your daughter towards the nearby park.
You had no intention of trying to get closer to your neighbour, but fate seemed to bring him to you when most needed.
Peony grew up to be a very lively child, full of energy and curious about the world around. As soon as she learned how to run, you couldn't keep up with her mischief anymore. And that included the many stumbles and scraped knees she inevitably got. For as rambunctious as she liked to be, she was still just your baby, who couldn't stop her tears and screams when she was hurt. Inevitably, her pained cries reached your neighbour, who was reading the newspaper on his porch. Ever the doctor even at home, he hurried to help you as your little girl thrashed in your hold so you wouldn't touch her bloodied knee.
Working together with Dr Li, you two were able to clean her wound and bandage it. Her sobs calmed down as the pain lessened, and the stoic doctor congratulated your daughter for her bravery and offered her a piece of candy. Peony's smile instantly reappeared as she received the little treat, and she thanked the doctor at your command. Dr Li smiled gently while gathering his tools, and you realized that the cold neighbour you met a few weeks ago hid a softer side beneath his icy appearance.
Eventually, Dr Li's involvement in Peony's mishaps became a common occurrence. It was hard to ignore her anguished cries at her self inflicted wounds, and Dr Li's gentle voice and sweets seemed to always calm her down. Even you started to rely on your doctor neighbour when Peony got sick with the common cold or the many different childhood specific illnesses.
Because of Peony's medical emergencies, you and Dr Li got to spend more time together, and started to know each other. You learned he was a cardiologist, and he worked on researching ways to treat congenital heart diseases. He had experience with patients of any age, and he learned how to appease children during his many hours spent in the paediatric ward.
You also learned he had been a combat medic during the war, and surprisingly, he worked on the same frontline as your husband. He knew Sylus, and the two of them got along after finding out they were both from the same city. They had spent almost a year in the same trenches, until Sylus died.
"Did he talk about me?" you asked with a trembling voice, tears threatening to spill once more at the memory of losing your other half.
Dr Li, or rather Zayne, as he preferred you call him, nodded. He took out his handkerchief and gave it to you. "I didn't know who you were, but he did speak lovingly about his pregnant wife. He counted down the days until you were due, and even requested a leave for about a month to experience the birth of his first child. But his expertise was too essential to maintain our machinery, so his leave was denied."
You cried in Zayne's handkerchief, and he silently consoled you. He was the only person who knew your husband during the war. You tried to ask Zayne about the explosion, but something told you he wouldn't explain that moment. Perhaps he knew you weren't ready to learn your husband's last seconds.
Over the years, Zayne became your friend, maybe even your closest one, and Peony took a liking to him as well. She started to detach herself from your hand as soon as she spotted the doctor, and would run to him to ask for candy.
"Dr Li, I stubbed my toe at kindergarten today and I didn't cry! Can I have a candy? Please?" She swayed in her spot, pleading with her generous neighbour to give her a sweet once more.
You learned Zayne was weak when your daughter begged and pleaded with her puppy eyes. He looked at you, and you nodded, allowing him to give her another candy. Peony beamed and shouted her thanks while throwing the candy into her mouth, and returning to hug your legs.
As the years passed, you smiled more often, you laughed with your daughter, and even at Zayne's dry humour. Life seemed brighter, and Sylus' memory brought you joy instead of grief. You loved him still, he was your soulmate, your husband, the father of your daughter, but you were never going to share this life with him again. You were still young, your heart healed and held so much more love to give. There was still guilt brewing in your mind when you thought of moving on and learning to love someone else. But it seemed there was another man now who inspired in you the same feelings Sylus did so many years ago.
One day, when you sat in front of his grave, you asked him if he'd forgive you for moving on. You'll always love him the most, but you still asked if he'll allow you to love again. Although he'll never be able to respond, a crow landed next to you after asking those questions. Sylus used to keep a pet crow a long time ago, one he nursed back to health after his wing got torn on a wire fence. Perhaps his soul still tried to reach out to you somehow.
You extended your hand towards the crow, and the black bird cawed and hopped closer to you. It bonked its beak against your fingers, and you dared to pet its downy feathers. And the crow allowed you.
Tears burst from your eyes again, and even as the crow flew away once it realized you had no food for it, you still thought this was a sign from your beloved. Time heals all wounds, and the one left by Sylus' passing closed itself. Your husband will forgive you, will let you love again.
Once you let go of your guilt and decided to continue your life with all it has to offer, you started to notice little hints in Zayne's comments. He knew of your grief, and it was clear he tried to be your friend and support you, but he did show his true feelings from time to time. The cold look in his eyes you once saw when he first moved here, was gone. The painting you likened his eyes to was now restored, the vibrant forest as lively as it should have been. When he was with you and Peony, his gaze was soft and the corners of his mouth lingered upwards more often. Although he never told you precisely what happened in his life and in the war that shaped him into the stoic person you met years ago, he healed himself with the help of your presence.
Life was better, lighter, easier by each other's side. So you accepted Zayne into your life, welcomed him into your home, and into the little place in your heart where only Sylus lived until then. Loving Zayne proved to be easier than you thought, and slowly, both he and Sylus had become just as important to you.
It didn't take long after the start of your romantic relationship, for you and Peony to consider him a part of your family. For the first time in her life, your daughter had a father figure. You told her about her dad, that he had been a hero and can never return home, no matter how much he would want to. Peony seemed to understand, and wasn't deeply affected by the absence of her father. Her situation wasn't unique unfortunately, other classmates from her kindergarten were left without a father, or both parents after the war. But with Zayne, he was able to fill a hole that Peony didn't even realize could be filled.
You started to bring Zayne with you to Sylus' grave, and you smiled through your tears when you presented your new partner to the cold funeral stone. They knew each other during those brutal months of war. Perhaps your husband would be happy to hear a friend ended up taking care of his wife, and taught you how to love again. Tears and sobs broke out of you once more, and Zayne gathered you in his arms. For the first time since Sylus' funeral, you didn't have to cry alone in front of his grave.
The relationship between you and Zayne developed fast. For your first year anniversary, Zayne asked you to be his wife. You couldn't be happier when you accepted. After such a long time, you'll be able to talk about your husband, and he'll be alive and by your side. Next year, you and Zayne held a simple ceremony and party for your family and friends as your wedding. And the following year, you gave birth to your second daughter, Jasmine.
Seven years after you lost your first love and husband, you found that life could still be happy. Peony was in school now, and her teachers were very proud of her growing skills. You had a wonderful, loving husband who embraced you tightly everyday when he came back from the hospital. And a little newborn, who resembled both you and Zayne, and slowly grew healthy in the perfect family she was born in.
Everything was normal, until one day. Jasmine was about five weeks old, and Zayne finally used more of his days off so he could stay home and help you with the baby, while Peony was at school. Then suddenly, a ghost arrived on your porch, ringing on your doorbell.
A ghost with dishevelled white hair, dirty strands reaching down to his shoulders, red eyes, tired and marred with deep, dark circles beneath them. The ghost was older than you remembered him, his skin tanner, but also dirty, just like his rumpled shirt and trousers. He breathed harshly, as if he'd ran here from beyond death. But no matter how poorly he looked, his eyes were soft gazing down at you.
"Kitten," the ghost on your porch spoke, his voice shaking. That was the first silly nickname Sylus gave you when you two started to get to know each other.
"Sylus?" you whispered. It cannot be him. Sylus died seven years ago. But the man in front of you looked like him, sounded like him, knew your nickname, and watched you with loving eyes.
"I came back home," he added with a wheeze, leaning on your doorframe.
You were still too shaken to comprehend what was happening. Your trembling hands reached towards him, but when he tried to take a step closer to you, he collapsed. Shrieking, you hurried to catch him before he landed on the floor. His unconscious weight pulled you to the ground, where you felt his rapid heartbeats. Too fast to be normal, but too real for a ghost who was supposed to be dead.
Tears stung your eyes, and your brain tried in vain to make sense of the man laying in your arms. His body was warm, heavy, his laboured breaths tickled the side of your neck. Was this man … really your Sylus?
Knowing nothing better to do, you screamed after the only other person you could rely on.
"Zayne!"