Chapter Text
John Dory looked down at the eggs in his lap with a sense of wonder. No, not the eggs, his eggs. It still didn’t feel real that these little eggs were his. Except that it was. The proof was right in front of him, swaddled in blankets that the Funk troll doctors had been kind enough to provide for him. The proof was in the pain he still felt in his lower half, the proof was in this strange new feeling stirring in his chest, a stronger version of the same feeling he’d felt the first time he’d seen a sonogram of the little eggs that he was growing. These were his babies. There was no denying that. It didn’t feel real just yet but it was getting there.
He traced his eyes over them, first the larger of the two. It was twins, he could tell by the conjoined loop of hair that peeked out the top. That detail confused the funk doctors, apparently being hairjoined wasn’t common for the other tribes. Not that it was particularly common for pop trolls either. John only knew of a handful of twins that were connected, but he at least had a frame of reference and knew some of what to expect from it. The loop of hair started a light green shade at the roots, like his grandma’s hair. Thinking of her made a pang go through him. He wished she were here. The whole time he was delivering his eggs he wished that she was there to hold his hand and tell him that everything was alright. He didn’t feel ready, he was only 17 and still felt so much like a child. He wanted his grandma and brothers here to tell him that everything would be alright. He wanted someone to reassure him that things would be fine and that he wasn’t alone in this.
But he’d walked out on all of that. The day he left the pod after yelling at his brothers the way he did he walked away from his family without even looking back. It seemed like the only choice back then, the only way to escape. He didn’t know about his kids then. If he’d known he’d have stayed. Even if that meant having to be around….better not to think of him. But he did, how could he not? The reminder of that man and what he did was right in front of him. The twins' hair faded and shifted in tone as it reached the center of the loop, the center being a bright yellow color. Just like Sunny’s. Just like JD’s old manager. Just like his…
No. He wouldn’t think like that. He couldn’t. He looks at the other egg. It was so small, his other baby had to compete against their sibling for resources. This egg is a bright blue color, it reminds him of Branch’s egg. The hair that sticks out is a deep indigo blue, like his mothers. He reaches out and twines a hand through the hair of both his eggs. They’re so little, so warm, so alive. And they’re his. Just his. He’d make sure of that.
Joellen, the Funk troll who’d taken him under her wing, told him that he had options. The funk patrols found him not too long ago, alone and pregnant in the wild. It was a good thing that they had, he didn’t know if he’d be able to keep himself and his kids alive much longer. Joellen looked after him, she brought him to a doctor's appointment and got him scans and medicine. The funks trolls had a lot more technology than the pop trolls did and John Dory had been intimidated by it at first. Joellen helped him get comfortable, and the medicine and machinery provided by the funk trolls were a big help in delivering his kids.
He was learning a lot now that he was outside the tree. Before he left he hadn’t even known there were other kinds of trolls or that there was anything outside of the tree at all. In time he learned about the history of the strings and what pop had done. Joellen said that most of the tribes wouldn’t welcome a pop troll, but funk still took him in. She said it wasn’t right to let someone suffer through childbirth on their own, much less someone as young as him. He was grateful for the help. She brought him to doctors, she stood by his side as a comforting presence as he went through the most painful experience of his life. He didn’t know why she did all of this for him, and he wasn’t sure when her kindness would end. But it was nice while it lasted. In a lot of ways she reminded him of a mix of his mother and grandma. He missed both of them so much…he wished they could be here to meet his eggs.
He thought about Joellen’s statement, his “options”, he could still remember the conversation.
“You don’t have to do this.” She said, her voice was smooth and reassuring. She didn’t talk to him like a kid, which he appreciated. He might still be a teenager but he wasn’t a baby and didn’t need to be treated like one. At the same time Joellen didn’t treat him as if he knew what he was doing. It was a big help with navigating the new situation that he found himself in.
“Don’t I?” was his response. He had these kids. They were his. What other choice was there?
Joellen just gave him a sympathetic look, “Oh honey, if you’re not ready there’s nothing wrong with that.” She said gently, she was always saying things like that. It’s what she said the few times he’d started to talk about Sunny and how exactly he ended up in this condition. He couldn’t tell her everything yet. He didn’t want to remember it.
He…He didn’t know what to think about anything. Just thinking about Sunny made him feel so ashamed. He made that choice. He didn’t say no. He didn’t stop Sunny. He let it happen. He could have done something, he should have done something. But he didn’t. He let Sunny use him. He didn’t stop it even when he hated every moment. He took the deal that Suny was offering. What right does he have to just give up his kids because he’s not ready for the outcome?
“I’m ready.” He lies. He’s not ready. He knows that he’s not ready. He hasn’t felt ready to be a parent this whole time. When he left home he thought he was an adult. He was ready to take on the world on his own. But now that he’s here, sitting in a hospital bed with his unhatched children in his lap he feels so young. He wants someone to tell him how to do this. He wants reassurance that it’ll be alright. But he’s not sure he’d even believe it.
“Be that as it may, you have options.” Joellen said softly. “John Dory I don’t know what happened to you, but from what you said it sounds like you weren’t a ready and willing participant.” His heart seizes but John clenches his jaw and tries to ignore the stinging in his eyes. “Children aren’t a punishment or a consequence. No one will judge you if you’re not ready to be a parent, you’re still a kid. There are arrangements, you can be involved as much or as little as you want in their lives. We can find the right choice for all of you. And John, whatever happened to you, it was not your fault. You are a child and he is a grown man.”
“It was.” He bursts out. He doesn’t want to talk about this. “I didn’t say no. I didn’t tell him to stop…I could have done something but I didn’t.” Joellen gives him a sympathetic look. He doesn’t feel like he deserves it. He feels sick.
“John, maybe you should talk to someone.”
“I’m fine. And I’m going to do it.” John says. “They’re my kids. I can’t just pass them off and forget about them. They’re mine.”
Joellen puts a hand on his shoulder. “If that’s your choice then we’ll support you.”
We’ll support you John’s not sure what that means. Maybe Joellen reads that in his expression. “John, you’re welcome in our kingdom.”
“But the strings-”
She shakes her head “You’re a child who had nothing to do with the choices your ancestors made. You’re right that not everyone will just accept you but there are enough of us that will. If you want to go back home to your village I can see about borrowing a ship, but I really do feel like the best choice for you and your kids is to stay here.” the village, John misses his brothers and grandma. He wants his kids to be able to meet the rest of their family. But at the same time he can’t. He doesn’t want to raise his kids under the constant threat of trollstice. He wants his kids to grow up free and unafraid.
And then there’s the fact of his family. If he goes back now with kids of his own they’ll all know. They’ll know what he did and they’ll hate him for it. He can’t do it. He can’t go back. He knew that the moment he left out that door but the reminder of it hurts him all the same.
“I’ll stay.” The kindness he’s being shown still doesn’t feel real. Joellen and the other funk trolls don’t even know him. He doesn’t deserve their kindness. But he has to accept it, for his kids sake. Their kingdom is safe, his kids will be safe here. That’s his priority now that he’s a parent.
“Good. I’ll start looking for housing for you and the little ones. I think the doctors are going to keep you here for a few more days just to make sure that all of you are ok.” Joellen rubs his shoulder comfortingly. It helps. He doesn’t know why she’s being so nice to him, she hardly knows him. But it’s nice.
“You don’t have to.” John Dory feels bad. Joellen is doing so much for him. She advocated for him with the doctors, she held his hand as he delivered his kids, even now she’s finding him a home for him and his kids. She doesn’t even know him, and yet she’s so kind. He wonders if that would still be the case if she knew everything that he’d done. Would she still be so nice to him if she knew the way he treated his brothers? If she knew how he’d walked out on them?
“I don’t. But I want to.” Joellen said. “My mama always told me to help those in need, it was a principle she lived by to her last days. I don’t know if I can fill her shoes but I’m going to try.” Joellen stands, sinking back down to all fours as she does. “There are people who want to help you, John Dory. You’re not alone anymore. It might take some time to remember that but it’s true. Now I’ll leave you here to bond with the little ones, rest well.”
“Thank you.” He’s too emotional to say much else. She reminds him of his mother, always kind to everyone. He thinks that the two of them would get along, if it were possible for them to meet. His mother was long gone, she and her father had been taken by the Bergens before Branch even hatched. They never got to meet their youngest son, and now they’d never meet their grandkids. John wondered what they’d think if they saw him now. He can’t shake the fear that they’d judge him.
They’d love his kids though. Of that he was sure.
Days pass by. John’s discharged from the hospital. The whole while Joellen keeps visiting him. She even offered him a room in her pod. He turned down the offer, he didn’t want to take advantage of her kindness. Instead she finds him a home of his own, a modestly sized apartment. Regardless of his choice to live alone she reminds him that he has help. She and other adults drop off food and supplies. He comes to an apartment already filled with baby supplies. That first night he broke down and cried. He’d felt alone for so long and finally he felt seen.
And maybe, just maybe, he was ready for this after all.
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For the past 20 years John Dory thought a lot about what he would do if he saw his brothers again. He’d toyed with the idea of trying to find them again now that his triplets were adults. He always held himself back. To reunite with his brothers he’d need to introduce his kids to them. And with his kids would come the questions.
Now that he wasn’t a scared, isolated kid he understood things better. He knew that what Sunny did was wrong. Sunny, the old Brozone manager, took advantage of him and manipulated him. Sunny knew that John would do anything to make sure that his family was safe, the band was the best way to keep them safe. Sunny knew that and used it to his advantage by holding his family's safety over his head in exchange for sex. It took time and therapy for John to accept that he’d been raped. In the moment it felt like he’d had a choice. He chose to let Sunny touch him, he could have said no.
And by doing so he would have risked his family's safety.
Once he processed that it became clear that there never really had been a choice. He would have said yes to anything that Sunny proposed if it meant that his brothers and grandma were safe. After losing his parents the way he did, they were all he had left. And Sunny knew that. He knew that and he used it against John.
It took a long time for John to accept. He still remembered the mindset he’d had the first time he met Joellen, the bone deep feeling that he was in the wrong. It took years to fight that feeling, and on a bad day it would sometimes creep back.
His kids helped. So did Joellen and all the others who helped him get to where he was today.
However, now that he was standing in front of 3 of his younger brothers those same old feelings returned. The feelings had been there ever since he got the letter from Floyd and knew that he needed to go and find his brothers. As soon as he got that letter he bid his kids farewell with a pit in his stomach. If he found his brothers he’d have to tell them about his kids, and to tell them about his kids he’d have to tell them about Sunny.
They wouldn't judge him. At least he didn’t think they would. Maybe they would, he hadn’t seen them in a long time. The feelings of shame were crawling back to him the more he thought about seeing his family again. Would they think of him differently? Would they blame him? He didn’t know. But he knew that he had to save Floyd and to do that he had to find the rest of his brothers and work with them to reach the perfect family harmony.
With Branch it had been easy, he avoided the topic by getting to know Branch’s girlfriend and showing her baby pictures. With Bruce it was harder. Once upon a time the two of them told each other everything. With the band that stopped. John wondered if that was Sunny’s plan all along. He caused a rift between John and his brothers by putting pressure on them under the guise of the band, then manipulated John once he was isolated. If he’d still been as close with Bruce, John didn’t think he’d have let Sunny treat him the way he did. If he was still as close with Bruce, his little brother probably would have fought Sunny off. Seeing Bruce again was hard, his brother was cold and distant to him and he couldn’t fight the feeling that it was his fault. He hadn’t tried harder to remain close with Bruce. He hadn’t stopped Sunny when the older troll pushed his brother past his comfort zones. It was no wonder that Bruce treated him so coldly.
Then Clay was there and things got harder. Clay was mad at him. Truthfully, all of his brothers were. He got it. He was the one to walk out first. He was the one to run away.
He resolves himself to tell them about Sunny and his kids after they get Floyd back. It’ll be easier on him to get through this without them knowing. That way, if it does change anything he can just go home. And if it doesn’t…well he’ll just have to figure that out. He wants his kids to meet their uncles, of that he’s sure. The kids wanted to come with him, but he put his foot down and told them no. He didn’t want to put them in danger, and besides they were old enough to be on their own for a few days. After the cold reception from his brothers he’s glad that he did. He didn’t want this to be his kids first introduction to their uncles.
It hurts to be shut out like this. Right now Poppy and Viva just discovered that they’re long lost sisters and left the brothers to their own devices. They’d chatted, though things were stilted. At some point John Dory found himself separated from the others. It made him feel 16 and isolated all over again. He was feeling like that a lot now that they were back. He felt falling into old habits and avoiding his brothers. He didn’t mean to, but something about being back here set him on alert.
He should have expected that Bruce would figure it out.
“What’s going on with you man?” His younger brother asks, coming over to stand by his side. He bristles, it used to be so easy to talk to Bruce but it’s like he’s forgotten how to.
“Nothing.” It's a lie and John knows it. “Just worried about Floyd I guess.” He shrugs, hoping that Bruce doesn’t read too much into his words.
“That’s all?” Bruce raises an eyebrow, of course he saw right through John’s lies. “I’m a dad you know, I can tell when I’m being lied to.” John’s a dad too, not that Bruce knows it. And that’s the problem isn’t it? He’s keeping a huge part of his life from his little brothers and it’s weighing on him.
“I’m not. It’s fine.” John lies again. He searches the room with his eyes to avoid Bruce’s scrutinizing gaze. Branch and Clay are gone, off to go and see Clay’s safety features he thinks. He’s glad for it. Being interrogated like this is making him feel caged.
“Just like it was fine with the band? I’m not stupid John, I can tell when something is up with you. I just don’t know why you can’t trust me enough to say something. If something’s bothering you then let’s talk.” John wishes it were that simple. He wishes he could just talk. But when he thinks about it the words die in his throat. He used to be able to tell Bruce everything. But that was before Sunny.
“Bruce, just drop it.” John’s voice is small. He feels 16 again. Back then he wanted to protect his brother. He didn’t want their judgment. If his brothers knew that would make it feel all the more real. Things are different now. He knows that.
But he still can’t do it.
“No John, I can’t just drop it.” Bruce huffs and crosses his arms. “You’re acting like Sunny’s breathing down your neck again.”
John’s heart seizes. He can’t control the way he flinches when he hears that name. No one addresses Sunny by name around him. Even he doesn’t use that man’s name. It’s been years but right now, hearing it come out of his own brother's mouth sets him on edge and brings a wave of bad memories crashing down over him. He tries to hide it but he knows that Bruce saw just how much he’d flinched. His brother looked him over, something dark passing over his face.
“John,” he says testingly.
“It’s fine.” John tries to backtrack.
“It’s not. You flinched when I said-”
“Don’t.” John hisses. He doesn’t want to hear that man’s name again. His heart is pounding and he feels the familiar rise of fear. Why does it still affect him so much? That man isn’t even here. It’s been years. John’s not the same scared and desperate kid anymore. He’s lived a whole life but he’s still so scared. He’s still that isolated kid doing whatever it takes to protect his family.
Bruce looks at him, a distraught expression dawning on his face. “What did he do to you?”
What did he do to you? those words echo around his head. His chest is heaving and John feels that fear grip him. What did he do? What did he do? He feels sick. He thought he was ready for this talk but he’s not. He can’t do it. He wants to run but his body feels too heavy and he finds himself rooted to the spot.
And Bruce can tell. Of course he can tell. He can read John Dory’s face like a book and he knows that something is up.
“John, did he hurt you-” It’s not a question. Bruce knows, or is coming to know. John freezes. He could lie. He could say that it’s nothing and avoid this whole conversion. But Bruce would find out eventually. He’d have to if John wanted to introduce the triplets to their uncles. He had to do this. For them.
It was the mantra he’d lived by for so much of his life I don’t want to, but I have to.
That was the mantra that got him through so much, through leaving his home. Through delivering his kids. Through letting Sunny…
He feels sick. But he makes himself nod regardless. Bruce looks devastated.
“I didn’t know. Johnny I didn’t know.” He reached out a hand but thought better of it. John appreciates that. He doesn’t know that he could accept touch right now.
“I didn’t want you to.” John’s voice is small. He can’t keep up the eye contact, he makes himself look away. He counts the trolls around them. There are 14. None of them are his brothers. He’s thankful. Talking to Bruce is hard enough, he doesn't know what he’d do if Clay and Branch were here right now.
“Why?” Bruce asks.
He shrugs. “I didn’t want anyone to know. I already hated myself for it. I didn’t want you guys to hate me too.”
Bruce looks so sympathetic right now. “We wouldn’t have hated you.”
John laughs bitterly. “Obviously I know that now. But at 16 it didn’t feel that way and he…he made me feel like it was my choice.”
Bruce moves closer. “John..Did he rape you.”
That’s what makes John break. The tears he was fighting fall and then he’s sobbing. It takes a second but Bruce’s arms are around him.
It feels safe. He missed this. He missed his brother so much.
“It’s ok. I’m here Johnny. I’m sorry it took me this long but I’m here now.” Bruce comforts him. “I’m so, so sorry.”
John fights back the sobs, he’s ok. He’s with his brother. He’s safe. Bruce knows now. Bruce knows and he doesn’t judge John. Once he’s able to speak he does. “Don’t be sorry.” He says. “I didn’t want anyone to know.”
“I’m sorry for not seeing it. I’m sorry that monster was able to hurt you like that.” Bruce pulls back, an angry look in his eyes. “I’ll kill him. If we see him again I’ll kill him.”
John doesn’t want to think about seeing Sunny again. He knows it's a possibility. He’s known it ever since he went back to the village to get Branch. But he doesn’t want to think about it.
“I don’t want to see him.” John sniffles. If he sees Sunny again he thinks he’d just freeze. His face has haunted so many of John’s nightmares, even though it’s been years it’s like he never really left.
“Then you won’t.” Bruce said. “Me and the bros will keep him away if he tries anything.”
That’s the other thing. John’s not sure that he’s ready to tell the others. Branch was so little when everything happened so he doubts Branch even remembers Sunny. He hopes that he doesn’t. And then there’s Floyd and Clay. How would they react to knowing that their older brother had kept something like that from them.
“I’m not ready to tell them,” John admitted. “I wasn’t even sure I was ready to tell you.”
Bruce reaches over and ever so gently takes John’s hand. “I think that you should. So we can be there for you.”
“After we get Floyd. Maybe I’ll tell them after we get Floyd.” John’s not sure of his own words. He thought he could stay strong about this. But a sentence from Bruce was enough to have him falling apart. He thought he was better, he thought he’d moved on. But being with his brothers again was dragging up so many memories he thought he’d buried years ago.
“Ok.” Bruce sounds apprehensive but he doesn’t argue. “Did you want to talk about it more?”
He should. Joellen said that talking about it was good. So did his therapists. And he did talk about it. By now Joellen knew everything there was to know about it. He’d told so many therapists about it, he’d even started to tell friends about it. It had been 20 years and he moved forward. He could talk about it, and he did.
Just not to Bruce. At least not yet.
“Not now.” He says, still looking down. “And Bruce? Maybe keep this to yourself for now.”
“Ok.” Bruce says. He doesn’t look too happy about it but John trusts him to keep it a secret. “But I’m here. I know that I wasn't there for so long, but I’m here now.”
“I know.” And he does.
He’ll tell Bruce everything someday. He’ll tell him about how small Sunny made him feel. About how Sunny acted like it was John’s choice to sleep together. About how he felt like it was the only way to keep them safe. Someday he’ll tell Bruce all the things that he should have said so long ago. He’ll tell him about the pregnancy, about how John didn’t know until he was on his own.
He was so scared back then, he was 16 and alone when he noticed the firmness in his lower belly. He was away from everything he ever knew and he was so scared that he’d have to deliver his babies on his own. He’ll tell Bruce about that fear, and how relieved he was when the funk troll found him.
He’ll tell Bruce about that first scan they did, their technology was so much more advanced than that of the pop trolls. They had machines that could check on the health of an egg before it was delivered. John would have to tell Bruce how shocked he was to find out that his ‘egg’ was actually two, one of them a twin egg at that.
He’ll have to tell Bruce, and the rest of his brothers, about his kids.
And he’ll have to tell them how unsure he was to do it on his own. How much he struggled with making the choice to keep them. He didn’t think that he could be a good father.
But he thinks that he got it down. Or at least, his kids tell him that he did.
All of that and more he still needs to tell Bruce. He still needs to tell the rest of his brothers about what Sunny did to him, period. But he can do that later. When Floyd is safe and when he feels safe. He’d been scared to tell Bruce, but now that the initial fear passed he felt lighter. Bruce knew and didn’t judge him. Bruce was willing to kill for him. Bruce could help him with telling the others.
And John would. Later. When things were calmer.