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The Shameful Secret Truth

Summary:

Bruce looks at Jason with conflicted and sad emotions. "I... I think it's time we talk about IT."

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Jason got a bit too violent with the pimp. Lately his anger and emotions have been getting worse. He was just so livid at it all. The unfairness to have these scum so quickly back on the streets, jail being nothing but a short vacation. No actual punishment for the worst of society that preyed on weaker defenseless people. When Jason saw the pimp punching one of his working girls, it hit a little too close to home for Jason, and Jason lost it, all he saw was red. Before he knew it, the man's face was nothing but a red bloody mess under him and Batman was pulling him off.

"Stop Robin!" Bruce shouted at him.

Jason snaps out of the rage at the sound of his dad's voice. He takes in the sight of what he did. The man's breaths were faint and ragged. Blood pooling from lacerations on his face onto the sidewalk. He was unrecognizable.

Bruce whirls on Jason. "Were you going to stop?!? Or just keep going until you killed the man!?!"

Jason can't meet Bruce's eyes, he stares down at the pavement. "Would that have been so bad?" Jason bites back. Not knowing if he really meant it, but angry and directing that to hurt Bruce.

Jason glances up when Bruce doesn’t say anything. Bruce is quiet, just studies him with a look that Jason can't decipher. It makes Jason’s stomach crawl with unease and guilt and he has to look back away.

The drive back to the cave is silent. Jason's knuckles hurt. But he's not about to bring up that he thinks he might have broken his hand. That will just make Bruce even more angry than what Jason knows he's already simmering with.

When they get back to the cave, Bruce just stands looking at Jason. The boy feels uncomfortable with the eyes on him. "Just yell at me already. I know I fucked up. Come on let me hear it, and let's get this over with." Jason says ready to hear his dad detail all the ways he's a fuck up. Jason would rather Bruce just let his anger out by hitting him. Willis would beat Jason when he was angry and Jason turned out fine. But Bruce is above that or whatever. Instead Jason has to endure lectures and groundings.

"I'm not angry, well no, I am angry, but I'm also worried about you." Bruce looks at Jason with conflicted and sad emotions. "I... I think it's time we talk about IT."

Jason instantly recoils. This is the worst direction this could have gone. Jason knows exactly what Bruce is wanting to talk about. The deep secret that Jason has been clinging to for years. But that Bruce with his detective skills has likely picked up on a vague idea of. He probably has figured the whole thing out and already knows, but Jason saying it out loud makes it real, fully confirms it. "No." Jason says trying to shut down the conversation like he always does before it goes further.

"Jay... I've given you space and time and tried not to push because I don't want to hurt you. And I'm not good with emotions. I often feel I don't know how to talk to you. So I was happy to ignore it because it seemed like you were okay. But it seems I was wrong, it's affecting you. I'm sorry."

Jason feels like he's going to throw up.

Bruce looks at him with pity. "I'm sorry you've felt it's something you can't be honest with me about. I hope you know I'd never judge you or look down on you. I'd like you to be open and honest with me because I want to help you."

Jason's fists clinch so tight his bruised knuckles and broken hand scream in pain but it's still not enough to ground him from feeling like everything is falling apart right now. Like he's being stripped naked. He's gonna hyperventilate. It confirms his worst fears, Bruce has finally put it together, he knows, Bruce knows how dirty and disgusting he is.

"I don't need your pity. I don't need your help."

Bruce looks at him with those sad eyes. "If you don't want to open up to me that's okay. But I think you should talk to someone, a therapist maybe. They could help you work through things. Or a psychiatrist, maybe prescribe you medication-"

Jason reels back. "You want to fucking drug me!?!" Betrayal is sour on his tongue, fills his lungs with fire, while his skin goes cold.

"I want to help you, in any way that might look like, with no judgement."

"You think there's something wrong with me." Jason feels himself going numb.

Bruce thinks on his next words carefully. But that pause is all Jason needs to know the sickening truth. He snarls. "You don't want to 'help' me. You're always trying to 'fix' me, like I'm broken. But maybe I'm not broken! Maybe this is just ME!"

Bruce shakes his head. "I think you've had some horrible things happen to you in the past. But they don't define who you are."

Jason feels an insane urge to laugh. "Except it is who I am. All those things make up me. You can't wash the filth off me as much as you try Bruce."

"No. You're not-"

Jason is beyond frustrated and growls. "What!?! You can't just accept that your son is a dirty WHORE!"

Bruce recoils at the word. The truth, long since known, but finally made real, spoken out into the air.

"I know what I am. Are you happy to finally have me say it!?" Jason sneers, tears in his eyes.

Bruce reaches out to him and Jason quickly pulls away.

"Now Bruce, what's your big plan to help me?!? You can't undo that I'm a used slut! You can't fix that seeing those pimps and lowlifes out on the street fills me with such rage I lose it! I'm messed up! I know! You can't fix me!" Jason is panting tears now falling down his face. And Bruce just looks at him, waiting for him to properly breathe again and calm down. Jason gets a hold of his breathing but also becomes angry waiting for Bruce's response to his outburst.

"You're not a whore." Bruce says simply.

Jason barks out a shrill laugh. "I sold my body for pocket change."

Bruce's face narrows. "You were a kid. You didn't have a choice. You couldn't consent. You're not a slut or a whore. You were a resourceful young boy who did what he could to survive. You're smart and courageous and a survivor."

Jason looks away. He doesn't like this. He just wants to be angry at Bruce, angry at himself. He wants Bruce to drop the topic. For things to go back the way they were. Where Bruce didn't mention the thing Jason was most ashamed of and he could keep pretending the universe didn't know and it wasn't real. "That's great Bruce. Can we drop this topic?" Jason has no more anger left, just disgust. He wants to take a shower and just scrub and scrub till his skin is gone from his bones.

Bruce frowns.

"Please." Jason tried to keep the desperate whine out of his squeaky voice.

"Okay."

 

--------

 

A week passes by of them not talking about it. And then another. And then Batman is called into a case. A rape of a young lady, Gloria Stanson, suspected by at the hands of a foreign diplomat.

"Stay here. I'll be back soon." Bruce informs Jason.

"Why can't I go with you? You benching me?" Jason asks, hurt.

"No. Just not this case."

"Why not!?!"

Bruce sighs trying for a bit of honesty even though he knows Jason is not going to take it well. "I think it's best for your mental health that you don't get involved in this one."

Oh. Jason realises. Bruce thinks he can't handle it because of what Jason revealed to Bruce. Jason is pissed. "You promised you wouldn't judge me or treat me differently!"

"I'm trying to protect you." Bruce tries to reason.

"I don't need you to protect me! I need you to treat me like nothing has changed!" Jason realises he sounds desperate and feels gross shame.

Bruce looks at him with pity. "Okay. I trust you Jason."

Batman brings Robin along on the case.

The way Jason connects and is there for the woman, Gloria, helping her through her pain. Bruce thinks it might be good for the boy. Especially when they are able to arrest Felipe and give the woman satisfying justice. It's a much needed win for Jason who's frustration with the justice system as of late had led to more and more strife and violence in the young boy. Jason seems in a better mood. A little improvement, step by step towards healing is good.

And then things go oh so horribly wrong starting a chain of worsening events that gets out of control so quickly. Felipe is acquitted of the charges and set free. Jason rushes to Gloria’s apartment to make sure she is okay, and he sees her body hanging there. Gloria committed suicide, unable to inhabit a world with monsters roaming free like Felipe. Robin goes after Felipe. Felipe Garzonas falls to his death. Bruce doesn’t know what to think or what to do. A riff forms between him and Jason, and things continue to spiral from there. Jason goes looking for a parental figure to love him, and somehow it ends with a warehouse in Ethiopia and Bruce holding the body of his dead son.

Bruce feels something deeper than overwhelming regret for giving in and letting Jason in on the case. Maybe that regret goes all the way back to making him Robin in the first place. Jason wanted more than anything to be a hero. Bruce thought it could fix the boy like it helped heal him. But maybe the wounds of trauma of a boy from the streets of Crime Alley were too deep to fix with fists.