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It happened their seventh week in the tower. Yelena had taken to wandering the halls at night when nightmares kept her awake. Usually she was the only one awake, but occasionally she’d see Bucky up cleaning his arm or Ava reading a book, her chronic pain keeping her awake. She’d sit with Bucky and silently clean her gun next to him. When she noticed Ava’s book falling out of her disappearing and reappearing hands and the look of frustration on the woman’s face, she’d prop it up so it didn’t fall closed. Once, she’d found Bob awake, mumbling to himself on the couch and shaking his head, as if the Void was speaking to him again. She’d turned on a movie and sat next to him, his hand clasped in hers as he focused on Toy Story (his favorite movie from his childhood, he’d told her once).
For the first time, she heard John awake one night. She didn’t realize he was awake at first, she heard a small, scared whimper as she passed his room. Her first thought was an intruder, but she quickly dismissed it. He wouldn’t be scared of an intruder, he would’ve dealt with it no problem. And what intruder would sneak into the room of a super soldier?
She assumed it was a nightmare. They all had them, but John tended to physically attack when he had particularly bad ones. Once, they’d all woken up at two in the morning to the sound of Bucky and John yelling. She’d sprinted out of her room with a gun to find Bucky holding John down as he thrashed in his sleep, trying to attack Bucky (or maybe himself, she still wasn’t sure). Since then, they’d tried to wake him up before they got bad, if they heard it. Bucky and Yelena were the opposite. If you woke them out of theirs, that’s when they lashed out. Yelena had felt guilty until John’s black eye healed.
She opened his door and shut it quietly behind her. “John, wake up.”
“I’m not asleep. It’s not a nightmare, I’m fine. Go to bed, Yelena.” His voice was muffled by the pillow he had smushed around his head.
“You don’t look fine, Walker.” She pressed, able to read past his gruff exterior by this point. “What happened?”
He sighed, taking the pillow off and sitting up. “Nothing, I just…I don’t like thunder.”
She glanced out the window at the raging storm outside. “The thunder?”
He nodded. “Go ahead, laugh. It’s stupid to be scared of thunder, I know.”
She shook her head, sitting on the edge of his bed. “It’s not stupid. Fear is rarely rational, John.”
“It’s a fear little kids have.”
“I’m scared of spiders.” Yelena admitted, her eyes focused on the wall rather than his face.
“That’s a reasonable fear, there’s venomous ones-“
“I’m not as scared of those. Just…the little ones that disappear quickly. Why do they go so fast? Where do they go?” She glanced at him with a half grin. “Still feel like your fear is stupid?”
He shrugged, swinging his legs out of his bed to sit next to her. “I dunno. It’s weird that they disappear so fast, you’re right.”
“If I see one and then it disappears, I feel it crawling on my skin. Every time.” Yelena resisted the urge to shudder at the thought.
“Still a rational fear, though.” He twisted his fingers together, jumping at another clap of thunder and biting his lip so hard it bled. She reached forward, grabbing a tissue from his bedside table and handing it to him.
“Why are you scared of thunder? Is it the war?”
“No…that probably didn’t help, but I thought it would. All the artillery sounds…I thought it would be like exposure therapy.”
“There’s less traumatizing exposure therapy. Have you tried the YouTube videos of thunder for sleep?” She teased lightly, nudging his shoulder with hers.
A soft grin came on his face. “Didn’t think of that. Would’ve saved me a lot of headache and trauma.”
They sat in silence for another few minutes until another clap of thunder made John cover his ears, flinching hard. Yelena reached out, rubbing his back hesitantly like she did for Bob when his fears overwhelmed him. Like Natasha had for her when she was a small child.
“W-when I was seven…I didn’t listen to my mom about the storm…I snuck out of my room to watch the lightning. I…I sat on the roof as the storm got closer, but when it hit, I couldn’t get inside. My- my window was shut and locked…my mom didn’t realize I was outside.” He said quietly, hands still clenched over his ears. “I was stuck…I couldn’t jump down, I couldn’t get in…I was trapped on the roof. The thunder was so loud…I could feel it in my bones when it boomed.”
“How long were you out there?”
“Three hours. My mom came outside to check if there was any damage to the house, and found me curled in a ball on the roof. She said she thought I was dead for a second.” His voice shook slightly. “Ever since, whenever I hear thunder…”
She nodded. “See? Not stupid. Very rational fear.”
He bit his lip again. “And now, with the stupid serum, I hear it before anyone else does.”
“We could soundproof your room.” She suggested. “Make Val pay for it.”
He breathed out an almost-laugh through his nose. “She’d be pissed, it won’t be cheap.”
“Even more reason to do it, I think.”
He sat silently for a moment before turning his head to look her in the eye. “Thanks. For…checking on me.”
“We’re a team now, no? Besides, I owe you for the black eye I gave you last week.”
He waved it away. “Nah. You were asleep, it’s fine.”
“Still, I don’t mind. Until we install the soundproofing, come find me when it storms. We’ll talk. Or watch a movie, if you’d rather.”
A soft smile slid onto his face. “Thanks. I’ll kill the spiders for you when I see them.”
“No, just let them outside. It’s not their fault they are so creepy.”
“I can do that.” He reached out tentatively, catching her hand and squeezing it. “Seriously, Yelena. Thanks.”
She nodded, a soft smile of her own pulling at her lips. “Anytime, John. We’re a team.”
He nodded. “A team.”
~~~~~~~~
It happened again two weeks later. The soundproofing was mid-installation, in all their rooms instead of just John’s. Yelena sat in her own half disassembled room, trying to get through a poetry book Kate had recommended.
A quiet knock came on her doorframe, and she looked up to see John standing there. “Mind if I come in?”
“No, come in.” She swung her legs off the desk she’d propped them on and closed the book, sitting up in her chair. “Did you just get back?” He nodded. “How was it?”
“Good, good.” He pointed to her bed, and at her nod, sat on the edge. “Olivia says hi.”
“How’s your son?”
“Great.” The man’s face split into a grin at the thought of the young boy. “He’s getting so big. Olivia and I set up plans for me to go down more often, see him more. If Val lets me.”
“She’ll let you. We’ll make sure of it.” Yelena reassured him.
He nodded, eyes on the book still in her hand. “Emily Dickinson? Didn’t peg you for a poetry nerd.”
“Ach!” She scoffed, setting it on her desk. “I’m not. Kate Bishop is, she wanted me to read it. But it’s…” She waved her hand, not finding the words she wanted.
“Yeah, I’m not much into poetry either.” He laughed, turning slightly to lean against the wall without getting his boots on her bed. “Tried to like it, thought it would get me girls in high school.”
She laughed and turned at the sound of irritated squeaking, picking her guinea pig up out of his cage and petting him. “Yes, yes, you are so needy, Gilbert.” She teased even as she scratched under his tiny chin. “Being the state football champ back to back did not help?”
“That was after. I tried poetry freshman year.”
“Oh, I see.” She smirked.
“So, Kate-“ He started, before cutting himself off with a flinch.
She frowned, hearing nothing but Alexei loudly talking Bob’s ear off in the kitchen. “Is it thunder?”
He nodded and sighed. “Far away, but it’s coming.”
“Talking or a movie? We can go out to the main room.”
“Maybe talking, at least for now.” He sighed. “I don’t want to bother anyone else, and your dad is in the kitchen.”
She rolled her eyes, setting Gilbert on her shoulder. “I could hear from here. That’s why I stayed with the book.”
“He’s…a lot.”
She snorted. “Mild way of putting it. What were you going to say before the thunder?”
“Oh, right. So you and Kate…” He pointed at her. “You’re together?”
“No! No, we…we’re just friends.” She clarified, a blush rising on her neck. “Just…friends.”
“Friends don’t read the famously lesbian poet’s poetry just because their friend recommended it.” He smirked. “You’re into her, aren’t you?”
“Shut up.” She groaned, tossing her head back in defeat. Gilbert squeaked in protest as his tiny nails held on tight to her shirt before she pried him off, setting him back in her lap. “Is it that obvious? It would only be worse if Alexei noticed first.”
“Ouch.” He feigned offense. “I’m very observant.”
She rolled her eyes. “You think she knows?”
“Has she ever talked about liking poetry before?”
“Not really. But we only reconnected a few months ago. Before that…I hadn’t seen her since I tried to kill Clint Barton.”
He raised an eyebrow. “You tried to kill Barton?”
“I received incorrect intel from Valentina.” She shrugged, not wanting to dive into it. “Point is that it had been years before that.”
“Well, since you reconnected, has she?”
“Not before she gave me the book.”
He shook his head with a laugh. “Well, she might not know, but she definitely likes you.”
“That makes it worse.” She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.
“How? Ask her out. Problem solved.”
“She’s on the Avengers, John. Sam Wilson’s team. It’s bad enough in Val’s eyes that we’re friends, imagine the lecture I’d get if we started dating? I’d have to kill Valentina, and then we’d all be criminals again.”
“Who cares what Valentina says?” He scoffed. “Life is too damn short, Belova.”
She opened her mouth to protest further when a loud clap of thunder rumbled through, just outside her window. He cursed, hunching over with his head between his knees and his hands over his ears. She shot out of her chair, sitting next to him in an instant and rubbing his back like she had the time before. Gilbert sat abandoned next to them on the bed, pouting up at his mother as she gave someone else attention.
They sat like that for several minutes as the thunder boomed twice more. Finally, he lifted his head slightly and looked at her. “Is it done?”
She nodded. “For now. It might come back.”
“Great.” He sighed, rolling his neck.
“Want to keep talking? You can hold Gilbert if you want, he’s very friendly.” At his nod, she put the guinea pig in his hands and continued, “So…you and Olivia. Have you talked about getting back together?”
He let out a humorless laugh and stroked Gilbert, tickling his tiny chin and scratching behind his ears. “Yeah, a couple weeks ago. And…I fucked that up for good. She said she’d always love me, but…not in that way.”
“Sorry to bring it up, then.”
“Nah, it’s fine. We’re friends again, which is more than I could say for a few months ago. Besides, I got a crush confession out of you, we’re even.” He glanced at her with a lopsided, teasing grin. “Thought you were an expert secret keeper, Belova.”
“Shut up. I am.” She rolled her eyes, a reluctant grin pulling at her lips. “What about you, huh? Anyone new you’ve got your eye on?”
His cheeks went pink as he gave an unconvincing shake of his head. “Nope.”
“Bullshit. Who is it? Mel?”
“God, no. No offense to her, but…no.”
“Ava?”
“You kidding? She’d kill me if I even dreamed of having a crush on her.”
“True.” She paused, thinking.
“You’re not gonna guess it.”
“So there is someone! It’s not me, is it? Cause I can list several reasons that’s a problem, Walker.”
His loud groan morphed into a laugh as he put Gilbert on his shoulder, letting the guinea pig pace back and forth before settling down. “I told you, you aren’t going to guess it. Drop it.”
She thought hard, trying to think of who it could be. Then it dawned on her. The only person he spent most of his free time checking in on, or passively sitting next to while they both did separate things (Bob reading, John scrolling on his phone, usually). The only one he offered to make breakfast for every morning, or silently offered his popcorn bowl to when they watched movies in the main room. Bob.
She opened her mouth to victoriously announce she’d guessed it, but paused. John hadn’t come out to anyone, as far as she knew. He’d been supportive of her when she’d mentioned it offhand, not even realizing she hadn’t told them. He’d been supportive of Bob when he’d nervously admitted he was gay, standing out of their reach like he was afraid how they would react. But he’d never told anyone himself. Maybe he wasn’t ready to admit it, even to himself.
She shrugged nonchalantly, letting the moment pass. “Fine, keep your secret, Walker. Whoever it is.”
He breathed out slowly, shaking his head and grinning. “You’ll find it out at some point, I’m sure. Super spy training and all.”
“Probably. But you have time for now.” She teased.
“Storm’s dying down. I’ll get out of your hair so you can finish the book.” He handed her Gilbert and stood up, stepping towards her doorway.
“Bah.” She waved dismissively at the book still sitting on her desk, standing to put the guinea pig back in his cage. “I’ll leave the poetry to Kate Bishop, I think. But I will go call her, maybe ask her to dinner.”
“You should. You’d be good together, you act like a couple half the time anyway.”
“But,” She added, pointing mock sternly at him, “I want to know if you make a move on your secret crush, yes?”
“You’ll be the first I tell.” He laughed, drumming his hand against the doorframe as he took his leave.
She chuckled and shook her head at his retreating back. Who knew that Valentina’s dirty trick would lead to her having a stable life and stable friendships? She’d have to thank the woman one day, if she ever became less insufferable.