Chapter Text
Anthony
Anthony hadn’t felt this relax in a while. Since his break-up with Kate 6 months before, he had thrown himself in his work. He had believed Kate could be the one. She was beautiful, incredibly smart and as driven as he was. And as stubborn as he was. Their relationship had started as a passionate one. They fought hard and made up just as hard. For the first few months, it had been perfect. Kate understood how important his work was and how involved he was with his family. But after about 6 months, things had started to unravel. The fight had started because Anthony had been late to one of Kate’s business dinners he was supposed to attend. It was a big night for her; he was aware of that. There had been talk that the law firm she was working for was looking to name a new junior partner and Kate wanted that job. She was determined to get it and to do so, she believed she had to make the best impression possible. And in any other circumstances, Anthony would have been there. But just as he was getting ready to leave his apartment, his mother had called. His youngest brother, Gregory, had gotten hurt during football practice and had been taken to the hospital.
Anthony had been 20 when his father had passed. Edmund had been on his morning jog when he had been hit by a car as he was crossing the street. The driver hadn’t seen him. No one was really to blame; it was just a case of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. He had barely been hit, but his head had hit the edge of the curb, causing brain hemorrhaging. Even if the ambulance had arrived quickly at the scene and that he had been taken right away to surgery, he had never woken up. 2 days later, his mother had finally decided to turn off the ventilator that was keeping him alive. And even in death, Edmund Bridgerton had managed to save many lives as his organs had been donated.
The next few months after his death had been hard. Violet, his loving wife, was almost 8 months pregnant with their 8th child, Hyacinth. She had managed to be strong while her husband was still alive, but she had completely broken down afterward. For weeks, she had refused to leave her room. Anthony, with the help of his brother Benedict, who was 19 and his sister Daphne, 16, had done his best to take care of their siblings and his mother.
But from that moment on, nothing had ever been the same for Anthony. In the span of a few days, he had gone from being a university student without a care in the world, to being the head of his family, the CEO of his father’s business and the only father his brother Gregory, who was barely 2 at the time, and his sister Hyacinth would ever know.
So, when his mother had called him and told him about Greg being in the hospital, he hadn’t even thought about anything else than needing to be there. Kate hadn’t been happy. She had told him that, because of his absence, she had looked like a fool, sitting next to an empty chair all night. When he had tried to explain, she had simply mentioned that he wasn’t the only siblings who could have gone; that someday, he would have to understand that they weren’t his responsibility alone. She was right of course. After all, their entire family had eventually showed up to the hospital that night. But there had been nowhere else he could have been.
So that had been the beginning of the end for them. A few weeks later, Kate had received an offer. Her firm was opening an office in New York, and she was offered to be in charge of it. She had agreed without talking to him about it. That night, as she had told him the news, she had told him she believed it would be good for them to start fresh, in New York, just the 2 of them. And that’s when it had become clear that things would never work between them. Kate would always put her career first. She wasn’t interested in having a family one day which he was. And he couldn’t entertain the idea of being away from his family.
That night, after realizing she would be moving to New York by herself, Kate had grabbed the few items of hers in his apartment and it had been the end. There had been no tears, no regret on his side, just… relief. Since then, he had thrown himself into his work.
- I’m glad I finally manage to pull you out of your office. Said Ben
His brother Ben was his best friend, his closest confidant. They had always been close, and Anthony knew he could always trust his brother. Tonight, he had finally relented and agreed to go to dinner with him. Now, they were on their back to his place where they would probably catch the game on tv.
- I’m glad you did too! We should do this more often. Said Anthony honestly.
He had miss this, their time together, their friendship. In the last few years, work, relationships and responsibilities had prevented them from spending as much time together as Anthony wished. Neither were to blame, but Anthony had decided he wanted to spend more time with the people he loved.
- I had decided to allow you to wallow for a while, but it was getting ridiculous. Said Ben laughing.
Anthony frowned.
- I was not wallowing! I simply decided to focus on work. But I’m aware this is not something you actually understand!
Ben feigned to be appalled by his brother’s words, but they both knew it was the truth. Benedict’s passion was art. To please his mother, he had studied marketing and was doing an amazing job as the head of the department of their family business, but he had always loved to paint. The previous year, he had finally found the courage to exhibit his work, and it had been amazingly well received. That was the reason why he had decided to take a step back from the business to focus on his art for a while. Anthony was incredibly proud of him even if it meant he would see him less in the weeks and months to come. All he ever wanted was for his brother to be happy, to be able to follow his dreams. And he was glad the world was finally able to see what he already knew; that Benedict Bridgerton was amazingly talented.
- Do you miss Kate? Asked Ben suddenly.
The question should have surprised Anthony, but Ben had always managed to ask the hard questions. But before he could answer, his brother asked:
- You know, it would have been alright for you to go with her, right?
- Ben, my life is here; the business, our family, everything that matters to me is here. There was no way I would move halfway across the world on a whim. Said Anthony
- Following the woman you love is not a whim, Anthony! The business would survive without you for a while. You could have worked from there; you could have opened a branch over there. We would have found a way. Our family wants nothing more than for you to be happy. And if Kate was the one making you happy, the one you wished to spend your life with, then nothing should stand in your way.
- It’s not that simple…
- Yes it is! If she is the one, nothing should stand in your way. Said Ben
Anthony hesitated for a second. He had never told anyone about the real reason his relationship had failed. To be honest, he wasn’t good with failure. His entire life, he had worked so hard to prove to everyone that he could manage the business, he never allowed himself to fail or to let people see him struggle.
- She wasn’t the one. He said after a moment.
- Do you really mean that? Or are you trying to convince yourself?
This time, Anthony had to laugh. Ben was never one to beat around the bushes.
- I mean it. Being with someone shouldn’t be this hard. What I liked about her was that she was driven, she knew what she wanted. She wasn’t afraid to challenge me, to fight to get her point across, to get what she wanted. I had never met someone like that before. But after a while, it became exhausting. It seemed like everything became a reason for us to fight. If I said white, she would say black. Everything from what we would eat for dinner, where we would go, what to watch on tv. Nothing was ever simple. If I had to work, she wanted us to spend time at home. If I wanted a quiet weekend, she wanted to travel. At first, she seemed to understand how close we are, how important our family is to us. She loves her family, or course, but they aren’t as tight knit as we are, and it was a struggle for her to really understand and accept how much we actually like to spend time together.
- I wasn’t aware of that. Said Ben surprised
- No one was. But the fire that had attracted me to her at first, it became the reason I stayed at work late almost every night. When she told me about New York, I thought about all these options you just mentioned and even more. But the fact was, I wasn’t sure I was willing to make all these changes for a relationship like that. I wasn’t ready to give everything up to maybe spend the rest of my life fighting for every single small decision. I felt I would end up resenting her and she deserved better than that.
- So did you, Ant. Said Ben
For a moment, they both stayed silent.
- I know you’ll find your someone, Ant. Someone that listens to you, that stands by you.
Anthony simply smiled. He really hoped so. For a long time, he had believed being with someone, for the long run, would never be for him. After his father’s death, he had seen how broken his mother was and he never wanted to feel that way or be the cause of this much pain for someone. But in the last few years, he had seen his sister Daphne marry the love of her life. The fact that he was also one of his best friends from university had only been weird for a little while. But to see them so happy together was worth everything. And now, Daphne was pregnant for the second time, and he could only marvel at how amazing it was to see her so incredibly happy. His sister Francesca had also found love lately. It had been a surprise to every one of them when she had introduced them to Michael. Franny had always been really quiet, and she had never brought anyone home. She had never talked about being interested in anyone before. Her entire focus had always been her music. She was an incredibly gifted pianist and had decided to further her education in Scotland with a pianist who had been part of the Philharmonic. So, it had been a complete surprised when she had showed up at brunch, on a rainy Sunday, with Michael Kilmartin, introducing him as her boyfriend. But Francesca was glowing, and Anthony could only welcome that man with open arms if he made his little sister this happy. So had their entire family. Michael was the complete opposite of his sister. He was loud, he was exuberant, but the look of pure adoration Anthony saw in his eyes each and every time his gaze fell on Francesca was all he needed to know they were meant for each other. And he would be lying if he didn’t admit, at least to himself, that he sometimes longed to have someone like that in his life. He wasn’t a fool, he knew that no relationships were perfect and yet, seeing his 2 sisters finding love and working to make that love last, brought him hope that maybe, he could also find someone.
- You know, maybe you could ask our sisters to introduce you to some of their friends… said Ben pulling him from his thoughts.
Just as he was about to tell his brother how ridiculous that idea was, his phone rang, the caller ID appearing in the small screen of his car: Penelope Featherington. Penelope, his sister Eloise’s best friend since kindergarten, the girl his mother loved as one of her own. The woman they hadn’t seen in months… The woman that never called him. Suddenly, a feeling of dread filled him.
- Well, that a weird coincidence. Said Ben laughing
But Anthony wasn’t laughing. Deep in his gut, he knew something was wrong. Accepting the call, Anthony found himself grasping the steering wheel tighter.
- Penelope, is everything alright?
Penelope
As the door closed and she heard him walking away, Penelope slumped to the floor, a whine of pain escaping her lips. Everything hurt so much. Closing her eyes, she tried to will the tears away. Crying would only cause more pain. She had heard the cracking noise as he was kicking her, and she was certain she had at least one broken rib. But she knew, deep down, that it was much worse. It had never been this bad before. He had never been this cruel before.
She needed to move, get cleaned up, clean the blood on the floor before he came back. Because if she didn’t, it would be much much worse.
She tried to get up and flinched at the pain. She could barely breathe; the pain in her chest being unbearable. After a few more tries, once it became clear she wouldn’t be able to get up on her feet, she crawled to her small bathroom. She didn’t know how she found the strength to pull herself to sit on the side of the bath. She felt drained, empty. She didn’t know how her life had come to this. Was she such a bad person that this was what she deserved in life? Her entire life, she had tried to be good, to be kind to the people around her. She had few friends, but they meant the world to her. She had always made time for them. And yet, in the last 8 months, she had felt more alone than ever. She felt like she was in hell. But tonight, she was done fighting. She had tried, but she had failed miserably. She would never be enough; not matter how hard she tried. Her entire life had been a fight, or so it seemed. She had never been enough for her family. Not thin enough, not pretty enough, not interesting enough. Her whole life, she had longed to belong somewhere, belong to someone. Someone that would care and love her for who she was. But clearly, she wasn’t meant for happiness. And she was so tired. Tired of the fear, of the pain, of the sorrow. Tired of being a disappointment, a burden to those around her. Tired of fighting this sadness inside her, this feeling of being worthless. Maybe the world would be a better place without her in it. No one would miss her, no one would care. At least, not really. She would soon be just a distant memory.
She found the small bottle she had hidden under her sink a week before. She hadn’t really known why she had stolen it at first. It had been an impulse; she had been ashamed of it, but something deep inside, a small voice she had desperately tried to ignore most of her life, had convinced her to keep it, to hide it. In it, 28 small pills. Morphine. 20 mg each. More than enough to bring her peace, finally. Her mother had gotten them after her back surgery a few months back. She had only taken 2. The side effects had been to much and Portia had decided to use over the counter medication to ease the pain. Why she had kept them, Penelope didn’t know, and she frankly didn’t care. Just as she grabbed the bottle, her eyes fell on a small rubber ducky resting at the bottom of the cupboard. It had been a joke, a small gift from Eloise, her best friend. She had made fun of Penelope when she had told her she actually loved taking long bubble baths, and the next day, she had given her the small yellow rubber duck.
She had met Eloise in kindergarten. Eloise Bridgerton ton was, even at that age, a force to be reckon with. But they had become friends instantly. Where Penelope was calmer and quieter, Eloise was loud. As she grew up, she became involved in everything from women’s right to saving the dolphins. But no matter how often her focus changed, she had always been there for Penelope. But like anyone else, she had moved on. Not that Penelope blamed her best friend. Eloise had been given the opportunity of a lifetime: being a lawyer for one of the largest firms in the States that focused solely on environmental matters. It was a dream come true for her friend and Penelope had been so happy for her. But the distance had been hard. Eloise always gave everything she had, no matter what her project, and Penelope couldn’t blame her. She simply missed her friend. But Eloise would be better off without her. Everybody would.
For a second, her mind drifted off to Eloise’s family. The Bridgerton had always been welcoming toward her. How she had hoped to, one day, be one of them. As Eloise’s friend, she had always been welcomed among them. In her own home, Penelope was to always be quiet. Even as a child, it was forbidden to run around the house, watch tv too loudly or even laugh. Her mother was a firm believer that a woman, no matter her age, was meant to be seen and not heard; her entire purpose being to eventually marry a rich man and better the life of her family. But to her mother, Penelope was a lost cause. She wasn’t thin, or tall, but mostly, she was opinionated and smart which, according to her mother were things men loathed. But in Bridgerton House, she didn’t need to be quiet. She could laugh, she was welcome to share her opinions and most of all, she was accepted just as she was. Even with her 8 children, Violet Bridgerton had taken her under her wing and treated her like her 5th daughter. In their house, Penelope felt at home. But it had eventually been time to move on. With Eloise gone, there was no real reason for her to still show up at brunch or at family events. They were probably relieved not to have to entertain her anymore. But she felt like she, at least, owed them a goodbye. And there was only one person she could ask.