Chapter Text
A young high school aged girl scribbles numbers and letters down with a deft yet tired hand until the margins of her notebook are full to the brim. There is no possibility to fit anything else, but she still tries. The young girl flexes her aching fingers as a small tired smile forms on her lips. The pages upon pages filled with her hard work make her feel almost satisfied and proud because of all the effort she's poured into it, yet…..
It's not good enough.
That's what her mind is telling her at this moment, that she hasn't done enough yet and could do so much more. She's obviously made mistakes again, just like she always does when she gets too proud and confident. Her eyes scan the pages and when she finds a misplaced letter. She bites her tongue harshly until there's a taste of iron.
She was too blinded by a desperate need to feed her ego to see what was right in front of her. She was too busy trying to feel satisfied and proud that she didn't put in the effort she should have. That's what always happens, and there's so many times where it was true. Every single answer to something important found by her would be confidently proclaimed true every time, because of her ego. And just like every other time she will always be wrong. Deeply wrong.
She's too confident in herself and needs to keep herself in check or she's going to get things wrong again, and again, and again.
The young girl goes through the pages of work she spent hours on one more time, all the way from cover to cover. She redoes every problem again from the beginning, until her fingers begin to cramp and her hand aches too much to continue, but there's still so many things wrong with every. Single. Page.
Still not good enough. Still not right. Still not what it should be. She was supposed to turn all of these in three days ago, and she still hasn't. Her work is always late anymore. Ever since she was moved to these new classes.
The young alpha bites her tongue and for the third time tonight she repeats these problems and solutions until there's a sharp pain in her hand that begins to cramp til she can't hold her pencil anymore. Her eyes are filled with tiredness and she's so exhausted, it makes her want to cry when her hand shakes so much.
It's not good enough. Nothing she does is ever good enough. There's still so much wrong with everything she does, and everything she's ever done since starting high school. Everything about her needs to be fixed because all of its wrong. She hasn't done anything right since the school year started.
It hurts so much every time she tries to learn something in school but just can't no matter how hard she tries. Even after repeating everything dozens of times.
She needs to work harder because she needs to pass these classes. She can't fail them, she just can't! Because how else is she supposed to get a good job to help her parents!
But she's so tired and it's almost three am, she can't stay awake any longer. She really needs to go to bed before her parents get home or they're going to ask if she has eaten anything today. She ate at lunch, that's more than enough for the day. Her parents have eaten less and done harder things than she has to.
Maybe I'm just used to being spoiled by everybody around me.
The young girl with short and bobbed dark hair wipes at her teary eyes before getting up to go to bed. Her hand hurts, and forcing herself through the pain is too agonizing.
It's still not enough, but I don't have a choice. But she can fix it all tomorrow, when the pain finally stops. She just has to wait for the pain to stop like she always does.
The young alpha girl lies down and tries her best to go to sleep, and try not think about the pain in her hand. Or all the things she did wrong tonight.
It's not enough. She could have done so much better, but just can't.
She curls up underneath her old and well worn blanket. But no matter how much she tries to sleep she just can't. Every thought in her mind goes to those problems, letters, numbers and symbols she wrote.
I need to do more, I need to do so much more! She can already see all the mistakes she made building up in her mind the more she thinks about it. It's wrong, she did something wrong, she needs to fix it.
I'm wrong!
She can't fall asleep because all she can think about is those stupid problems she could have done better at!
I'll never be enough.
She gets out of bed and goes back to her book to fix all these mistakes she made. She needs to correct them because she was careless, because she was so confident in something that was wrong, because—
The pencil she reaches for falls to the floor when she tries to pick it up, so she tries again with a different one. But her fingers don't want to close themselves because the muscles in her hand hurt too much.
She tries again and again but she just can't. There's a painful numbness that feels like the muscles in her hand are convulsing and it hurts!. The alpha girl grits her teeth and tries her best to use her other hand instead. She's willing to forgo the use of her dominant hand if it means fixing her mistakes. But it doesn’t matter, because every wrong letter and number she draws causes her tears to spill until they stain the pages and bleed the letters. She’s just making all of it worse than before, so much worse!
Sob! Sob!
Then suddenly she hears the knob for her door begin to turn and open. When she sees her mother there in the door way and staring at her with concern she doesn't deserve it makes her feel worse. All she can do is feel like shit and she has reached her lowest when her mother tries to ask what's wrong. The only thing the alpha girl can do is stare at her fucked up work. Her mother doesn't deserve to see her like this. So miserable and pitiable.
Her mother needs to go to sleep so she can work tomorrow, she's just a burden to her right now—
“Ochako, honey, what's wrong?” But when she feels her mother's soft touch against her shoulder she can't stop herself from falling apart, and being so selfish. Her mother doesn't need to spend time comforting her over something stupid she did, she doesn't—
But the moment her mother pulls them close and tells her she's done more than enough and doesn't need to do any more hurts. It hurts so fucking much because it's not enough! She's not enough! She needs to do so much more because—
“It's okay Ochako, it's okay. You don't have to do anymore, honey. You've done enough” But she can't stop from crying and letting herself be so selfish, because all she is, is weak and self centered and nothing will change all these things that are wrong about her and everything she has ever done.
Nothing.
“Class is dismissed everyone. Don't forget to get a head start on the assigned reading tonight.” The young college aged alpha girl with short bobbed hair and round features, bolts awake in her seat when those words are said. The sound of her fellow classmates beginning to leave the room echoes around her with every little thing they do.
“Huh!?” Her tired eyes look at all the other students around her putting their things away or already leaving as the daze over her mind begins to lessen with every passing second she watches everyone leave.
Shit. I fell asleep again. The girl known as Ochako Uraraka tries not to chastise herself for missing out on an entire hour of class, again. The brunette with hair that's been getting more unkempt lately stifles a heavy yawn and tries not to beat herself up for falling asleep in class again, for the third time in a row.
It's fine, I'm just tired, that's all.
She rubs at her tired eyes to try and help herself wake up before putting her things away. Her hands are starting to hurt again.
I think I need to take tomorrow off and catch up on my sleep all at once. That will let her rest her hands, at least a little bit. She just needs a day to get caught up on everything her body needs.
When did I last eat again?
She can barely keep her eyes open anymore, and it's seriously been affecting her work for the last week. But at least she doesn't have to go to work tonight so she can get a head start on that.
“I need a very long nap.” The alpha girl sighs exhaustedly as she gets up to leave the almost empty classroom. But just as she walks out the door her phone pings with a new message that makes her want to groan. She's going to cry if that's from her job and someone called off from work, again. It feels like people have been taking advantage of her willingness to show up to work every time they ask her to.
I think I need to find a new job.
She's really too tired to look at anything right now and wants to just say fuck it. But she does it anyway just to make sure it's not important, and when she sees the name of the sender she breathes a small sigh of relief.
It's just Mina.
Mina: You want to go to a party tonight?
At least that’s what her tired mind thinks it says. Ochako types a quick answer to her friend without thinking about what those words actually mean, and hurries back to her dorm to pass out before she collapses on the way there. When she sees Tsuyu in the living room making last minute changes to a dress and adjusting the way it hugs the mannequin's body it makes her curious about what her friend is doing, that dress looks really fancy and around her roommates size. Tsuyu has been working on different clothes like that for a week now, but she doesn't know why.
She's been too tired to ask and still isn't curious enough to ask. Not now when she's so tired.
I can't stay awake any longer.
The alpha girl doesn't even make it to her room before she ends up passing out on her and Tsuyu's couch. It's a small thing that can barely fit two people on a good day, but it's enough for now. She's too tired to care about anything else but sleep anymore.
“Goodnight Tsuyu.” She mumbles tiredly even though it's only noon. She's spent the last six hours trying to stay awake through her classes, and all she wants to do is sleep for a good long while. A part of her just wants to tell everything else to go to hell right now.
I miss my old plush.
The smell of petrichor and a forest teeming with life thriving in the rain is comforting to her as she drifts off to sleep.
At least I don’t have work tonight. She smiles at the familiar scent of her roommates scent as it comforts her into a deep sleep.
But unconsciously as she dreams something begins to fill her mind. It's only a few words, but they keep repeating even though she doesn't know what they mean.
I need……
But that's as far as she ever gets, as sleep finally embraces her.
“Zzzzz” The dark haired girl snores quietly while curled up on the small couch like a tired puppy tuckered out from playing too much.
“Hey. Ochako?” The one in front of the sleeping girl calls quietly to her friend to try and wake her up.
“Zzzzzzzzzz” But the one who would remind everyone that saw her of a small puppy right now doesn't respond, beyond a quiet and hushed grumble. “Hmmm?”
“Ochako? Did you forget about the party? Sigh.” The girl staring at her sleeping form gently shakes her sleeping body to try and wake her up, and it's successful. A little bit too successful though given how fast the alpha bolts up and almost hits her friend square in the jaw.
The dark haired girl rubbing at her eyes reluctantly looks at who was interrupting her nap, and isn't surprised when she sees Mina staring down at her as if she just committed the sin of waking up a small pup.
“Huh?” When Ochako smells Mina’s familiar bubblegum-like scent right in front of her, confusion fills her mind for a moment. She doesn't remember crashing at Mina’s place and vaguely remembers Tsuyu making some last minute alterations to a dress. So why is Mina here?
“Ochako, why are you still sleeping? You're going to miss the party.” Realization is starting to come to her slowly the longer she stares at her sweet smelling friend wearing a frilly dress of blueish green with purple accents.
Mina looks pretty.
Then when her eyes fall on the clothes and what looks like two masks and two letters in Mina's arms, confusion pushes her brain out a window before it's run over by a moving truck carrying away the rest of her thoughts.
Mina looks almost disappointed in her lack of understanding. Her groggy mind takes a moment to think and tries to……Oh. Shit.
Ochako sighs at herself for forgetting about Mina’s party and pulls out her phone to look at the message she was sent again. This time she actually reads through it without being drunk on tiredness.
Mina: Hey Ochako, I got an invite for a fancy party Shoto's family is throwing. I'm allowed to bring a plus one and wanted to know if you were interested in coming? Tonight they're holding a masquerade for Halloween, and Tsu already said yes to be someone else's.
Realization finally comes to Ochako in that moment and it feels like a bucket of ice cold water was thrown at her face.
Shit. That's all she can think of as a burning energy begins to fill her veins.
She's fully awake now, and thrumming with a strange intense energy all of a sudden. Thankfully Mina doesn't chastise her for anything and instead silently hands her some clothes and a mask to get changed into before they leave.
Though she's not the biggest fan of the black suit and tie Mina gives her. But she also doesn't hate it.
I guess I can't complain about it. She was invited at the last minute and couldn't get a dress on such short notice. Though the way the suit fits her so comfortably is concerning, because the only person who knows her measurements is Tsuyu.
She gives Mina a side eye in the ride over to the party because this was obviously made specifically for her without her knowledge. Yet she doesn't say anything about it and instead stares at the light brown mask in her hands. One she doesn't see fitting her at all.
A part of her wants to ask why she gets a wolf while Mina gets a fox, but she decides to can it for now. Instead Ochako stares out the window and the darkness outside. The small street lights passing by almost remind her of stars in the night sky.
It makes her sad to remember they aren't really stars because it's almost impossible to see them here. There's too much light pollution in the city and so many tall buildings that hide the few that can be seen. It makes her miss back home where she could just look up and see something she loves so much right there no matter where she was.
Another reason I hate the city.
“Huh?” She shakes her head for having that thought and sighs. She doesn't hate the city, it's nice and lovely.
But…..
It's not like back home.
She avoids looking at those almost empty and building filled skies and instead looks at the moon. Full and bright hanging in the sky. At least that's always the same no matter what, mostly. Except for when it's the new moon, and she's usually depressed during that time because of it.
Her brown eyes trace over the pale full moon light shining down at her in the night sky. It makes her smile to see it, especially the closer they get to the part of the city that isn't as affected by light pollution, and when a few more stars start to appear it eases something in her. Something deep and guttural.
It's then that she realizes why Mina gave her a mask of a wolf. Cuz she keeps staring at the sky like one.
How fitting for me isn't it?
The alpha girl rolls her eyes and yawns wide enough to expose sharp teeth ready to bite down into something that she hasn't noticed yet.
I want to bite something.
Mina gives her a curious look and she's not sure why. It makes the small patch on her neck itch a little bit.
The alpha girl tugs at the collar of her suit as they begin to pull up to their destination.
I forgot to take off the scent patches I put on this morning. I guess that's a good thing since I'm going to a party with other people now. She's been told her scent can be too much for some people sometimes.
It smells like too much bergamot. So she wears patches when she goes to class or when out with her friends she doesn't bother anyone with her stupid scent. Her scent usually drives most people away from her, except for a few like Tsuyu and her friends. The rare few who like her scent at all.
People don't really invite her back to their place otherwise, and even then—
Don't think about it.
It isn't long until after the car stops that they hand over their invites and are allowed to enter the large and extravagant building that reeks of money and class. When Ochako sees all the extravagant furniture, dresses of the other guests and the old but beyond well maintained architecture she feels……
Envy because of all the extravagant fabrics, sounds of lovely music from well practiced hands, silk dresses that cost more than anything she could make in a lifetime—to the heavily decorated masks accentuated with things from colorful and dark feathers, to jewels that glimmer and shine under the warm light of the room and accents of silver gold and much more—all of these things would amaze her at any other time.
But…..
Her eyes look over all the other far more wealthy guests than her and Mina, and she can't help but feel, miffed. Not overly angry, or pissed off, just miffed. She thinks all of this stuff looks wonderful, but then she remembers how poor her and her family are and it makes all of this churn into something jealous that settles in her gut.
Maybe coming here wasn't the best idea. Something about her feels really irritated right now, and some of the bitter smelling scents from the crowd in front of her make her want to just leave.
But—
“Huh!” Her pupils go wide when she smells the sweet scent of roses and pricked fingers passing her by. She takes a deep inhale and it sets something vital off in her chest. Something that just wants, and wants, and wants—
“Ochako? You okay?” She pulls herself out of her reverie of a thorny rose held between bloody fingers and looks at her friend.
“Uh, yeah! I'm fine.” Yet even if she says that her eyes keep scanning the crowd for that lovely scent, trying to find where it is coming from. Disappointment is all she feels when her search proves futile In the end.
It's nothing. It saddens her alpha because for a moment she thought that maybe she smelled her mate. Then suddenly she gets a harsh shove from behind that makes her almost stagger.
“Come on, it's a party Ochako. Take a drink, chat up some strangers, and maybe they might want more with you~.” She feels nervous as Mina guides her into the crowd of people before giving her one last push.
“M-mina?” She turns back to glare at her friend but then finds Mina nowhere to be seen in the crowd of masked people.
Her nerves start to get the better of her as her mind focuses on every noise that sounds so loud right now, from people joyfully laughing, other alphas that smell foul to her, to a few people that bump into her every few seconds as far too-loud music plays.
All of it is all just so much and it's making her inner alpha want to scream. She tries to get away and ends up bumping into people that are dancing with every step.
It's too much!!
Then she feels someone gently grab her hand and pull her away from the middle of the busy crowd, for just a brief moment she wants to growl at and bite them with these teeth that are filling her mouth with blood. All she can feel is her angry inner alpha that wants nothing more than to growl at this stranger who grabbed her.
But the moment she opens her mouth to say something harsh, sweet petals covered in liquid iron choke her lungs and make her eyes go wide with want. That smell, that taste sends heat thrumming through her veins and makes heat form in her chest before tearing her insides apart as it sinks far lower than it should. Her vision blurs with tears for a moment because of the overwhelming pleasant shudder it sends up and down her spine.
It makes her want to bite down and drown herself in this scent of thorns, petals, stamens and blood.
It feels like a daze as all she can think of is that delicious smell.
I want to eat her it.
“I don't think going to a masquerade when you're like this is the best idea you could have had.” That's all she hears before someone pulls her close, yet keeps them a certain distance apart. It makes her want to close the gap between them and hold this stranger close.
Her vision begins to clear and mind focuses on a black sparrow mask, with lighter edges that lead into colorful feathers of different shades. That is all her mind can focus on along with those long locks of golden hair spilling down this stranger's back and shoulders.
The first thought filling her mind when breathing in the source of that beautiful scent is mate. The girl her inner alpha is howling for lets go of her wrist, and she has to fight the sudden, painful urge to feel her warmth again.
She bites her tongue until it bleeds because of the overwhelming need to grab the other girl’s wrist.
“You okay?” The sparrow she yearns to call beautiful asks so kindly it hurts.
All she does is give a quiet nod that makes the sparrow masked girl smile and show off beautiful teeth. It makes her want, almost need, to kiss her.
“You're staring.” The beautiful sparrow's voice sounds defensive because her eyes are drawn to her soft looking mouth. She wants to apologize, but what comes out of her mouth next is something less in line with her thoughts than she intends it to be.
“You're really pretty.” The sparrow masked girl doesn't say anything. It makes her scared.
Was I being really weird just now?
Yet she can't bring herself to apologize for saying it. She really is pretty, even with a mask obscuring her face. The sparrow girl doesn't say anything to her for a while. Then she laughs so joyfully and loud it draws other people's attention towards them.
She feels small because this girl, who makes her inner alpha want to go crazy with just a single breath, is probably laughing at her for being weird. It's not the first time it's happened, and won't be the last. It stings. Then the blonde gets really close to her face and smiles softly.
It makes a blush form underneath her mask when their facades of wolf and sparrow almost touch.
“Well I think you're really cute too.” She doesn't know what to say, but doesn't get the chance to say anything because this sparrow with a pretty smile drowns every one of her senses with her beautiful existence.
“Want to share a dance, alpha,” her throat bobs and sweat builds under her mask as that sweet scent wraps inside her lungs like pleasant thorns.
The moment she realizes this girl is an Omega words tear themselves from her throat, bloody and almost raw. She speaks in a low voice, like a husked growl.
“Yes, I would love to…..l-like to dance with you.” It makes this lovely sparrow smile before grabbing her hand. She is completely helpless when this Omega pulls her away into the first steps of a lover's dance.
The omega girl is so swift as their hands weave into the others and fingers interlock together. She's taken by the hand and led to the floor with other pairs of lovers. Her dance partner's warmth burns pleasantly in her chest with every step they take together. Ochako's so thankful Shoto taught all of them the basics so she isn't stepping on the sparrow girl's feet. They both try to match the other's rhythm to the best of their abilities. It's hard for the omega girl not to go too fast and for Ochako not to drag them out of tune with the music, but soon neither of them have to think about it anymore because they just click.
“Hehe” The blonde Omega girl giggles happily and pulls her even closer to herself. “I'm surprised you know how to waltz, you don't look like you come to these types of parties often”
Ochako blushes and is thankful her mask hides most of it.
“I have a friend that usually goes to things like this. He was nice enough to teach me and my friends the basics in case we needed it” When she mentions Shoto the sparrow girls hands tighten around hers and pulls her in until they are chest to chest. Their dance stutters for a brief moment until her partner relaxes again. The other girl's scent is far stronger now and their dance picks up in pace along with the music.
It's almost too fast for her to keep up with, but soon Ochako feels their rhythms click back in place again, and it isn't long until she doesn't have to count her steps to keep time anymore. It feels so natural to be with her dance partner like this, and the longer they dance the less Ochako thinks of how irritating everything else around her is.
The music is no longer grating and those other scents are drowned out by her partner's own. This lovely dance lets her just focus on this lovely sparrow. The beautiful girl entrancing her with every step. Every time her eyes fall on those pretty fangs it makes her feel warmth.
I'm actually enjoying myself. Everything else fades away except for eyes of gold staring into her own.
Slowly the music begins to calm down into a calming lull that winds down the longer it goes on. She's had so much fun with her. She decides to ask for her partner's name, even if that probably goes against the point of masquerade.
Is there a rule against that? She really hopes not. She's never been to a party like this before.
“C-can I have your name M-miss?” She's nervous because she really wants to get to know who this sparrow is.
When her golden eyed partner hears herself be called miss she laughs joyfully. That light and airy sound is like a balm to her heart.
“You don't have to call me Miss. I'm not that much older than you, Chako-chan” Hearing that nickname surprises her.
“You know my name?” The sparrow masked girl nods and leans in close to her ear. It sends warmth crawling down from the middle of her chest to….
I feel really warm.
“Of course, Chako-chan. Why wouldn't I know who my brother's friends are?” The heated breath against her ear makes the alpha girl shiver, even if those words confuse her.
“Are you Denki’s sister?” That's who she thinks is her brother considering they are both blonde. But this time she actually gets laughed at, and that teasing smile her partner has makes her pout.
“Try again Chako-chan~” The alpha girl tries to think of who could be this girl's brother among her friends, but she just can't. She doesn't have a lot of blonde friends in the first place.
Is she Mirio's sister? Maybe I'm thinking about this wrong. Just like always.
“Do you need a hint, Chako-chan?” If she abandons connecting the hair color and focuses more on how she dances then there's one person she can think of right now that could be her brother. Even if it's probably wrong and she's just being a dumbass again.
I'm going to get it wrong no matter what.
She decides to give up and accept the sparrow girl's hint, because she isn't smart enough to figure it out.
Note by note the music is slowing down and they both can tell it's going to end soon, and so will their time together.
But even if they have no reason to keep dancing she just wants…..
I don't want to stop. I want to keep dancing with her. She doesn't want to let go of her partner's lovely warmth and the way their fingers cling together.
“Okay, here's your only hint, Chako. If you get it right I'll give you a reward~” If she had a tail it would be wagging right now because of that offer. The only thing she could ever want as a reward is to know her beautiful partner's name.
The moment the golden eyed sparrow leans forward and whispers a single letter she takes a risk, and blindly guesses who she is because that name is what her alpha is howling for her to speak. A name she's only heard Shoto mention once or twice, a name that belongs to his older sister.
“Himi—”
“Himiko” But just as the music ends there's someone else that calls out to her partner and drowns away her far meeker voice. The lovely sparrow she's spent almost the last ten minutes dancing with turns to face a taller man with pure white hair, teal eyes and wearing a black feathery vulture mask.
A part of her feels protective over her partner and a growl wants to rip itself from her throat. Something fresh rages in her chest to snarl at him. But she swallows it down and soon she and her partner separate despite how much she wishes they wouldn't.
“I should probably go Chako” The sparrow girl turns around to leave with the older gentleman, and she almost watches her go without another word. The only thing left behind being that one name.
Himiko.
But there's a deep fear tearing up her gut. Seeing her walk away makes her inner alpha claw her insides bloody and raw.
I shouldn't say anything. I shouldn't…..
But
“H-Himiko!” Despite every reason she has to shut up and just let her go she doesn't. Because she's so selfish and wants—
“I….I wanna dance with you again!” her heart is pounding and tears sting her eyes with every passing second. But she can't stop from saying what her heart wants.
“H…Himiko, I….” But before she knows it there are arms wrapping around her neck and then there is the feeling of—
“Gasp!” An all too brief and soft warmth is pressed against her lips for just a moment. It leaves her wanting more of it, whatever it was.
“Hehe, okay then lets dance Chako-chan~”
It's only when she hears Himiko giggle and process how close those golden eyes of hers are to her that…..
Oh. She kissed me. She……She kissed me! It takes her far too long to realize it, but when she does it's like butterflies in her chest and makes her alpha joyfully howl.
Her face burns a deep red underneath her mask and her whole body thrums giddily when Himiko angles their mouths just right so they can—
“Haha, looks like someone finally caught your sister's attention” All of them look at an older blonde man with golden eyes like Himiko's approach.
Wait, sister? When the older blonde man walks up to the white haired one she realizes that the one with the vulture mask is Touya Todoroki. Shoto and Himiko's older brother.
I was getting jealous over nothing.
She feels embarrassed now, but it doesn't last long because Himiko pulls her away from the two older men that begin to flirt as they leave. The blonde man saying cheesy one-liners fades away as they walk away from the dancing crowd. Even though she should probably ask where they are going she can't because the only thing in her mind is Himiko's lips.
They were so soft, and tasted sweet. Her fingers trace across her briefly kissed lips and the alpha girl tries her best to recall it. But when they reach the doors leading away from the party she finally questions where Himiko is taking them.
“Himiko? Where are you leadin’ me?” The sparrow masked girl gives her a soft smile and softly rubs a thumb across the alpha's knuckles.
“You said you wanted to dance with me Chako-chan” Himiko makes her eyes flutter and gives a tilt of the head towards the entrance. “I thought that since you're in rut maybe we could have a more private dance together”
A private…….dance…….
Her face blooms red like a rose in spring because of what Himiko is offering. Her mind can't even process that she really is in rut right now, because she's too busy saying yes.
“I'd love to Himi” She's too busy feeling how happy her and her alpha are to process how she's so fucking scared of messing this up just like everything else she does.
It's almost enough for her to take those words back and turn Himiko down, but…. When she looks into those eyes of amber she can't do anything but say yes.