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It wasn't hormones, youth, or unbridled desire. It was something deeper.
The first time Dan saw the little freckles in Phil’s back he was 18, it was maybe one the third or fourth day together. Phil had just stepped out of the shower, the towel wrapped around his waist, he entered his room looking for something he had forgotten. Dan was lying down and watching television but his attention immediately shifted to his boyfriend. He still struggled to understand exactly what they were, but he knew they were more than friends.
There were so many things Dan loved observing about Phil: his laugh, the pouts he made, the way he concentrated when he styled his hair. But the moles and beauty marks were a different thing, like an invitation to trace a road with the imaginary pencil of his fingers or the kisses he had been yearning to give.
His mind debated whether it was right or wrong to look at him, but the battle for self-control was lost. He had already begun counting the moles from his neck to where the towel allowed him to see.
One, two, three… seven… ten
On the last one he could count Phil incorporated again, he found what he was searching and went straight to the bathroom. Dan was grateful that Phil didn’t catch him staring like a break, or that was what he thought.
After a couple minutes Phil emerged again from the bathroom, this time fully clothed. A little ping on Dan’s chest, he was somehow hoping to keep counting, to keep observing the shapes and colours of the moles. From what he had etched into his memory, at the top there was a reddish mole, there were a couple of small ones very close together near the middle of Phil’s back, almost reaching the end there was a larger, raised, brown mole.
—Are you bored?— Phil asked, seeing the not-so-well-hidden pout.
—No, now you’re here, so am I not.— Dan smiled widely.
–Okay, I’ll stay only if you promise to not burn a hole on my back as you were doing.— Phil was trying to not laugh too much saying those words and Dan was trying to not die of shame, his face was already red.
So Phil had noticed it. Fuck
That night he wondered how many more moles were hidden. That night was the first but not the last.
The next time they saw each other Dan noticed that a little spot had appeared next to the big mole on the lower of the back. They were playing Just Dance and Phil's shirt rode up a little revealing the moles that Dan loved.
Instinctively, Dan holded Phil by the waist, slowly inserting the hand inside the shirt, not giving a single fuck about losing the match. He started caressing Phil’s back. He didn't need eyes to know where the moles were; his fingers could already recognize the exact spots.
That was also the first time Dan kissed the moles on Phil's neck and collarbone. His lover wasn't as sensitive in the neck as Dan was. But he did manage to feel the effects it was having on him.
With the match lost, the game abandoned, and a new opportunity to take stock of the moles on Phil's body; both of them went to their bedroom and the count of every mole kissed ended up being something around twenty three. Dan wondered if Phil got a little mark with every year that passed. If that were the case, Dan would wish he could count to more than one hundred.
It was almost a ritual of softness, not only an after care display but the whole main course. It had become a constant; perhaps Dan wasn't born to be a lawyer, but he was an archaeologist exploring Phil's body, finding treasure after treasure in the joy of being with him.
That day they remained together in the same bed, Phil asleep and Dan vigilant of the dreams of his beloved. Maybe, just maybe, a new beauty mark would suddenly appear on the chest where he had kissed him for an eternity.
It wasn't hormones, youth, or unbridled desire. It was something deeper, a thing he decided to call love.
Definitely by this point he should be more calm and collected about it. The man he had been living with for sixteen years. He had seen Phil’s body by his side day by day. There was nothing foreign about him. He knew Phil’s body as much as his, every corner had been explored, every detail memorized, every mole counted. Dan had mapped the softness and firmness; it was muscle memory to navigate him.
He tried to keep it cool when Phil tried the catboy dress that had a part of the chest exposed and the whole back open. It was definitely doing things to his composure, Dan wouldn’t be able to concentrate in the video if Phil was wearing that. He thought everything was under control with the final outfit, it was shorts and his legs were exposed but it was far more subtle than the catboy one. But a new mole had appeared, it almost looked like the Center of a constellation, a bunch of stars that had just landed in the lower back of his lover. Dan was making his best effort to not shake while recording Phil trying to decorate the cabinets, but something inside him was going crazy, Phil's outfit was provocative enough as it was; and now to see his back exposed only to discover that a new mole had appeared. This was making Dan feel like that first time he saw Phil almost naked. It was going back to his early youth years.
With the new one it was forty-one by this point. It was crazy how he never lost count; still, he was keen to do a more detailed recount. For science purposes, the science being the chemical alteration that Phil caused in him.
Dan knew that Phil was aware that he was watching him insightfully, because when his partner got down from the counter, he could see the look on Dan’s face. They weren’t the typical Heart Eyes Howell , there was something, an unique glance, a private one reserved for just the two of them; a gaze only Phil knew, something feral imbued with profound devotion.
In those milliseconds he saw the reminiscences passing through his eyes. Something snapped inside, like a spark, nothing had changed, he was still that same hungry, voracious, passionate teenager that did the impossible. After sixteen years he was still getting excited and impressed by having Phil by his side. Deep down, he knew that of all the things he could learn, getting tired of Phil was not going to be one of them. Never weary of studying every laugh, every new crease, every star drawn on his body.
Both of them knew the video was definitely going to take longer than expected; they were in the same wavelength just by the glances.
When Phil climbed down from the counter, instead of continuing with what they had to organise at the kitchen, he lay back and gazed lovingly at Dan. He took his chin and began to caress it, Phil loved kissing his boyfriend and feeling Dan’s dimples.
—What happened to Mr. I-want-to-be-more-covered? , that t-shirt is a little bit too short.— Dan interrupted the kiss.
–Are you jealous that other people will see me SO exposed?— Phil answered while Dan descended by the neck.
—A little bit.— The answer came from below as Dan was getting lower and lower.
—You didn't have to be.— Phil took Dan’s hand and guided him to get up and follow him to the bedroom.— Maybe I’ll make a couple changes on the outfit.
When both of them arrived at the room, Phil sat Dan in the bed and laughed mischievously.
—What seems to be the problem?
—It’s too distracting.— Dan was making the best efforts to keep it cool, he was aware that Phil wasn't going to change his clothes, and he had no desire that he did it. He liked the outfit and knew that the audience would love seeing Phil in those pieces.
–Which part?— Phil pointed to the top and bottom of the outfit, even doing a little twirl to show off the tail he had attached to the shorts.
—Everything, the whole you is too distracting.— Dan tried to get up off the bed but Phil made a gesture denying him.
Phil got on top of him, guiding Dan to look at his eyes. Then he kissed him with a smile. He rolled to the bed and made the question that unleashed Dan.
—Now show me what's distracting you.— Phil suddenly felt suffocated by the shirt so he took it off.— I can lose the disguise and release you from the spell…
The last thread of sanity and restraint snapped, and Dan rushed to do what he had been longing to do.
Dan started kissing the neck where he found three spots on the left side. It was almost a vampiric scene. He remained there for a long time so he could play with the hair, he liked feeling the breaths of Phil, the panting becoming more loud. With a hand put on the chest Dan started to feel the heart rhythm increasing, the slow movements of the chest becoming frenetic. After returning to the mouth to give him one last kiss, Dan decided it was time to descend into Phil's body and drive him mad.
Then, he went straight to the thorax, even with Phil's chest hair he could see right in the center a big red mole, maybe a manifestation of the heart. The chest was one of Dan’s favourite places to stay, he loved to rest his head there; it also was one of the most crowded zones. That's why when Phil tried on the cat suit, Dan went a little crazy.
As much as Dan was sensible around the neck, Phil was around the waist and ribs. Unfortunately, Phil had too many moles in that area; so it was a keen moment. There was a point where Phil was so overwhelmed and overestimulated, holding tight to the bedsheets and even holding Dan and digging his nails lightly into the arms. Dan hadn’t even gone down and he was already getting lost in some sort of bliss, an epiphany of pleasure.
The tummy was another special place, everyone loved a happy trail but he had his own very personal pleasure of tracing it with small points very distant from each other. And before Phil could chant victory or imagine what was about to come next; Dan smiled and went back to the lips for a kiss, just to proceed to kindly guide him to turn to the back.
Phil arched his back like a cat, feeling the cold breaths of Dan in his skin. He knew he was about to be in absolute shambles by the mere first kisses. Dan started exploring and getting lost in the mole groupings. Phil’s wide back was like a canvas where spots from all colors and shapes contrasted with the soft milky skin, some put very close from each other, some other lonely spots lost in the big terrain.
Dan took his time, he liked to be dedicated and Phil enjoyed the praising to his body. From all the millions of people on the earth only Dan had the privilege to be there with Phil and to go absolutely crazy. Dan was doing everything in his power to give each of the marks a proper treatment, like a gratitude for existing.
He took Phil by the neck and started caressing him slowly and kissing one by one while softly stroking the other ones. It was possible to count the moles, maybe twenty one to the moment; but the kisses were countless. It was an observation job that was driving Phil absolutely insane. Every corner of his body was cherished and he could only try to suffocate the groans.
Phil was so sure that Dan this time was really about to take his shorts off but no, his partner decided to play a little bit more, he took the long socks off and started searching for spots in the legs where he could plant more kisses.
Phil wasn’t the only one overwhelmed, but definitely the one more exposed. Phil was almost naked while Dan was still clothed. So he decided to regain a little bit of his power back. He lifted himself up slightly so he could reach Dan's torso, then began to put his hands under Dan’s shirt, playing with inside touches and then trying to lift it up completely. With the crop top off, the mesh looked so fucking sexy, specially considering the fishnets Dan was wearing; somehow it matched.
Phil guided Dan to sit on top of him, and he immediately felt how affected he was, both of them were beyond ready to go further. Still, whatever beyond the contemplation of their bodies was irrelevant. Phil started kissing him slowly, even when he wanted to devour him whole. It was at times like these that Phil truly appreciated the bond they had built; they knew each other's rhythms and knew how to dance around.
Phil had an idea. A spark of gratitude, of mirroring Dan worship.
—Laid down, please.— Phil asked, with a trembling voice.
As Dan laid down on bed, curious of what was about to happen, Phil started to go down, not taking care of the chest but going straight to the skirt lifting it slightly, fooling around but not actually lifting it up. He started stroking him above the fabric.
Dan had left him craving more when he was playing with his shorts, now it was time for a sweet revenge. Phil started to kiss his boyfriend's legs, even with the fishnets on Dan was feeling the clash between his warm skin and Phil's cold lips. He was being delicate, it was relaxing so Dan closed his eyes; only to be suddenly taken out by the fierce movement of his partner. The first time that Phil saw the garters he started imagining how hot it would look on those legs, and the desire of ripping them off was the first impulse he had. It was unbelievable how they fought so hard to put them on, and now he just wanted to tear them apart with his mouth.
Phil started biting one and immediately the breaths of Dan started to become frenetic, desperated, small moans coming out his mouth. His chest rose and fell every time that Phil got closer to his crotch. After a couple minutes he was able to remove the first one, he went up to kiss Dan’s lips while fidgeting the garters on his fingers. Now, with their tactics now perfected, he started to strip off the other one and not damage it as he did with the first. It would be a problem for later to repair it, now his only interest was to attend Dan.
With the garters gone, the fishnets loosened a little bit. And without prior notice, Phil took them off just to discover he wasn’t wearing anything underneath. Dan was really playing with fire, because if they had recorded immediately the baking video, there would have been a risk that a wrong move could have revealed something and been caught on camera.
Perhaps Dan had done it intentionally, all planned and schemed to make him fall at some point: before recording the video, while the baking time was up, or maybe later of ending the video. After all this time, Dan continued to weave situations, trapping him in his web. That’s why he loved him.
When Dan realised that Phil was already calculating everything, he pulled him towards him to kiss him. After sixteen years both already knew that Dan was a lifelong road builder and that his voracious desire for Phil had not been a teenage whim, unbridled hormones or something temporary; it was a fire that would continue to burn beyond explanation.
Between kisses that were louder than words, they started to take off any garments they still had on. Both of them were aching for the same thing. Phil wanted to look at Dan while doing it. He enjoyed glancing at Dan's eyes so much, he liked the way Dan kept flirting with him even when it wasn’t needed, how Dan gaze devoured him. Phil didn’t have to communicate his desires, Dan knew them by heart.
He settled into the appropriate position and tested if Phil was ready to take him, he started slowly, there was no rush, no desperation, they had each other today and for the rest of their lives. He knew that Phil was sensitive, he enjoyed the tender side rather than the rough one; so he started with slow thrusts, not putting everything inside, giving him time to get accustomed. When he felt that Phil was relaxing more, he went deeper and increased the rhythm. He looked at the whole body of his boyfriend, every inch moved by him, there was no corner or place in that skin that wasn’t aroused by the presence of him. Dan dedicated a sincere look at Phil's open and teared eyes as he was getting lost in a wave of pleasure.
Blue meeting brown. Bodies fusing in one. Dan knew that heaven was exactly the feeling of being inside Phil, feeling him to all extents and in all forms. Heaven was seeing him enjoying himself so much.
Dan kissed him before stroking the unattended member of Phil. He tried to coordinate the rhythm of the thrusts with the one of the strokes, he wasn’t very sure if he was succeeding in this because he too was growing increasingly lost in pleasure, his mind starting to feel dizzy.
From time to time he looked towards Phil to ponder if he was close, he wanted to reach the climax together. Phil's moans grew more frequent and intense, even though they were mere whispers in Dan's ear. They were like fuel that motivated Dan, the sweet song of approval shouting that he was satisfying Phil.
—I’m close.— Phil murmured with choked voice.— Come with me.— He pleaded.
—As you wish.— As Dan stopped holding back and allowed all the sensations that were mingling in his body to flow freely, he kissed Phil's blissful moles on his chest once again. And right there, he felt Phil letting go too. They rode the glory together, falling to pieces next to each other in the bed. Gasping for breath, struggling to catch their breath, plastered smiles on their faces and two racings hearts beating at the same time. They both knew that they loved each other so much.
Dan embraced Phil as his most valuable possession, because he was. He started caressing Phil’s lower back while kissing him, softly, with love and breaking the kisses only to say “I love you”. Phil cupped Dan’s face on his hands and broke the kiss to look him in the eyes and thank him: for loving him to such extents, for praising him as if his body was an architectural monument.
Slowly, Phil started to be more sleepy and guided Dan to spoon him. Dan hugged him tight leaving kisses on the collarbones and at the base of the neck; inevitably he went to all the moles in the spine and at that little constellation that drove him off this planet. He started to hear Phil drifting in his sleep, he gave one last kiss and set the alarm for a couple hours. At the end there was a spooky video waiting for them to record it, but it was most important to taste heaven before.
Two hours later they woke up still hugging and making all the efforts to get out of bed and record the video. Halloween was coming soon so they couldn’t postpone it. They dressed again, between laughs that only good memories can bring. When Phil helped Dan to repair the leather garter belt, his hands were shaking; the flashbacks of that version of Dan from a couple hours ago were doing things to his mind.
Phil knew that every millisecond with Dan was bound to be absolute joy.