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It was a hot and steamy night, when suddenly Lord Farquaad had the urge to call his husband, Gandalf, from the other room. “Gandalf, honey… what are we in the mood for tonight?” Gandalf replies, “You shall pass!” as he straddles Lord Farquaad. The two begin kissing with fervency, their tongues intertwining as they caress each other. Suddenly, Yeosang from Ateez walks in and says to them in Korean, “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-” Farquaad acknowledges Yeosang and beckons him to come closer. Farquaad stares into Yeosang’s light and dreamy eyes, “I’m not sure what you’re saying, but… say it again.” Yeosang replies in Korean, “I was just looking for the bathroom, I really gotta take a fat shit.” Farquaad groans as Gandalf kisses his neck. The two return to a dance of tongues as Yeosang leaves the room.
Just as Gandalf and Farquaad resume kissing, a loud knock is heard from outside of the bedroom door. “Oh, now what does he want?” Farquaad exclaims as he puts on a robe. Suddenly, after opening the door, a tall, dark, shadowy figure stands before him. “Oh no, it’s my ex, Sauron,” Gandalf says as he puts on his white robe. Sauron exclaims, “Baby! Please just take me back. I forged us a pair of rings, just because I loved you that much. No ring from any jeweler would be enough for you, my love.” Gandalf scoffs at the comment, “I found another man. He’s half your height, but twice your length, if you catch my drift.” Sauron, who is wearing a helmet, still seethes with anger at what Gandalf has to say. Farquaad calls for guards to remove Sauron from the premises. Sauron refuses to leave as he takes the ring and throws it to Gandalf, not only professing his love one more time but to truly show Gandalf that he would never receive a second chance with Sauron.
Gandalf is full of emotions as Sauron is taken away from Duloc. Gandalf sits on the edge of the bed as he tears open a packet of Old Toby to stuff into his pipe. Farquaad gets on the bed and rubs Gandalf’s shoulders. The two sit in silence as Farquaad realizes this may be too much for his lover. Yeosang walks back in and lets the two know in Korean, “Hey, nobody could tell me where the toilet was, so I kinda just shit in the hall. I’m not fuckin’ cleaning it,” as he walks away from the room.
Gandalf turns back to Farquaad as he says, “There is no getting rid of him; we have to destroy him by throwing this ring into the fires of Mount Doom.” Farquaad nods as he kisses his neck, “Then it will be a journey that we take together, my love.” The two resume their kissing from earlier as they strip down to their bare forms. Farquaad decides that he wants to be the bottom tonight. Gandalf is moved by this, knowing that Farquaad has never done this. Farquaad says loudly, “Some of you may cum, but that’s the sacrifice I’m willing to make.” The two begin engaging in intercourse as their groans fill the room. The smell of sex lingers in the air as the pair make love.
The following morning, Gandalf wakes up and gets ready for the journey ahead, along with Farquaad. Farquaad has procured large birds for them to be able to fly into Mordor with. Gandalf slaps his forehead and says, “Why didn’t I think of that?” The two mount one large bird and begin flying towards Mordor. Mordor’s sky appears much darker, very quickly, as the smell of brimstone, fire, and ash fills their noses. The two land outside of the entrance to Mount Doom, where Farquaad holds the One Ring to cast into the fires. Just before, Sauron shows back up, begging Farquaad not to cast the ring into the lava.
Farquaad, who wishes to be with Gandalf forever, throws the ring over the side. Sauron screams as he sees the ring fall into Mount Doom. Just as the ring hits the molten lava, it melts and seemingly disappears into the lava. Sauron immediately begins breaking down, both emotionally and physically. His form freezes just after saying “I love you,” one last time to Gandalf. His body does not move, but, at the force of a single breeze, his body turns to dust and flows upwards into the volcano’s mouth. Daenerys Targaryen walks in and says, “Hey, what’s going on? It’s me, Daenerys. Hey, did that guy just turn into sand? Also Six Seveeeeen!” She says as she makes a juggling motion.
The End