Chapter Text
James had lived with Helmut and Heike Zemo for over a year and had been working with EKO Scorpion for some time when it started to happen.
They had recently been able to add additional code words into his scattered mind, which could deactivate the Winter Soldier again, if he was called forth by the trigger words of Hydra. James had been quite relaxed since then, but sometimes nightmares and slight insomnia were sadly still a thing.
He went to Heike when he couldn’t sleep one night, while Helmut was at the army base. His plan had been cuddling with her until her even breathing would lull him into sleep as well.
But instead, he felt his sweatpants getting tighter as his cock hardened. He had experimented a bit over the last few months to touch himself in the shower in a more sensual way. His recovery had apparently reawakened his dormant sex drive. He vaguely remembered taking girls for dancing and kissing them. He didn’t remember ever having sex with one of them but there were still a lot of things he didn’t remember so he tried not to worry about it.
Now he was worried because he didn’t want Heike to be uncomfortable cuddling with him. He loved the cuddling he got from her and also from Helmut. It was incredibly comforting. He wouldn’t want to risk that. So, he carefully moved his hips as far away from her as possible and waited until he was sure she was asleep. Then he went back to his own room. He did not dare to touch himself and he hardly slept that night.
The next time James cock got hard in an unwanted situation was some days later when he was making coffee in the kitchen. Helmut came in and stood very close behind him to reach one of the tea boxes on the shelf in front of James. He couldn’t reach it with him in the way.
“Be a dear and hand me the cherry blossom tea, please,” Helmut requested softly.
James reached for the requested item and handed it to Helmut. “Perfect. Thank you.”
The quiet praise sent a shiver down James’ spine, and a shoot of arousal went straight into his cock.
James grabbed his coffee and fled the kitchen.
What the hell was wrong with him?
The next time it happened again was a few days after the kitchen incident. They were all sitting together on the couch, watching a movie. Helmut in the middle with Heike to his right and James to his left side. Heike was curled up against her husband, his right hand slowly stroking her back. His left hand eventually patted James’ right leg. It was a simple gesture of affection. James knew that because it happened many times before. But this time his body chose to interpret the touch not at a simple comfort but as something sexual.
James mumbled something about being tired and fled to his bedroom.
Some days later he was on the way to his bedroom in the evening when Heike left the big bathroom wearing a bathrobe and presumably nothing else.
“How was the bath?” James asked her.
She smiled at him. “Very relaxing.”
His eyes dropped down from her face without his permission. The thin material of the dark blue bathrobe was drawn tight over the swell of her breasts and James could see the outlines of her nipples against the thin silk.
His brain asked the very unwanted question how she would look if he would have opened the delicate belt holding the fabric together. He tried to push the thought away as far as possible.
“Good night,” James muttered, walking past her a little faster than usual.
“Good night, James.”
The next day James was trying to burn some of his pent up energy in the gym room in the basement. About two hours in he felt pretty confident that he was getting into a clearer headspace.
But that was before Zemo walked into the room wearing grey sweatpants and a tight white t-shirt.
“Are you done with the treadmill?” Helmut asked.
“Yes,” James said and tried to focus on the weights he was lifting. It worked for about five minutes, then his eyes were glued to Helmut’s back. On the one hand it was an attractive backside with a narrow waist and a firm butt. On the other hand, Helmut had started softly panting.
James wondered if he would sound similar during other physical activities. He fled the room soon afterwards.
From time to time during the last year James had been able to hear them having sex during the night. They were mostly very discreet and quiet about it, but James’ hearing was exceptionally good. So, he could hear louder moans and the occasional creaking of the bed when he wasn’t sleeping yet.
When he heard Heike’s moans again that night, he wondered what Helmut was currently doing. Perhaps he was using his hands or his mouth to pleasure her. Maybe he was also penetrating her at the perfect angle.
James felt like a creep for thinking such things about his friends. Additionally, they were a very happy couple, obviously in love with each other. Neither would want him anyway. He should really stop this obsession or whatever his brain was currently developing.
James pulled a pillow of his head to drown out the sex noises and tried to sleep. It wasn’t working well.
Little situations with spurts of improper desire just kept happening. Heike and Helmut confronted James one evening, about his changed behavior.
“James, we could not help but notice that you are less relaxed lately,” Heike said over dinner. “Is everything alright? Or do you have more flashbacks?”
“I’m fine,” James muttered, staring down at his food. He knew what she was referring to and he really hoped she would just drop the topic.
“I do not believe you, James,” Helmut said. “You often leave after we touch you, and you do not come to us for cuddles anymore.”
James was silent since he had no good explanation for them. Besides the truth, which was not an option.
“Did we do something that made you uncomfortable?” Heike asked. Her compassion made the whole thing even worse.
James shook his head. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Please talk to us James. Whatever it is we will not judge you.” Heike assured him.
“You will,” James mumbled.
There was a moment of silence before Helmut spoke up. “Is it about your erections?”
Heike sighed. “Helmut...”
“What? He obviously feels embarrassed about something and that is the only thing which would make more or less sense.”
“You know?” James asked surprise.
Helmut smirked. “You are less subtle than you think.”
James stared at both of them for a moment. “I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable because I can’t control my body,” he said eventually.
“James, it is alright,” Heike reassured him. “It is a completely normal reaction to intimate touches.”
James knew that he did not look convinced. But Helmut’s next question derailed his thought process anyway.
“The more interesting question would be if you want to keep our relationship strictly platonic, then we can just ignore when you get hard. Or would you want us to do something about it?”
James stared at Helmut. “What do you mean ‘do something about it’?”
“Well, we could touch you more. If you want that.”
James couldn’t believe they were actually talking about it. “You mean sex?”
“Well, not necessarily. It does depend on what you are comfortable doing.”
“You also do not have to do any of that with us. You can also choose to date someone else.” Heike added.
“Yes, but just so we are clear, we would welcome you into our bed for some less platonic cuddling if you would want that,” Helmut said.
James just blinked. He hadn’t expected any of that. Though they had also raised a relevant issue which he actually had wondered about before.
“I ... I’m not sure, with what I'm comfortable,” James said.
“Maybe we can help you figure that out,” Heike said. “You enjoy the cuddles, right?”
James nodded. “Yes, very much.”
She smiled at him. “Do you like me washing your hair?”
“Yes, all platonic touches have been good so far.”
“Do you feel uncomfortable being naked in our presence?” Helmut asked.
“I sometimes think that I probably should feel embarrassed or weird about it, but you’ve seen me naked before I even had relearned the concept of shame. So no, I’m not uncomfortable, since it’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”
“Do you have negative memories regarding sexual things?”
“No. But I don’t have any memories of ever having sex with anyone.”
“And other things than sex?”
“I remember taking girls dancing. Holding their hands and kissing them.”
“Did you like that?”
“Yes.”
“Would you like to kiss someone again?”
“I think so,” James muttered.
“Just women?” Helmut asked.
“I ... I don’t know. I don’t think I would mind kissing either of you two.”
“We can test that later, if you want to.”
James blushed but nodded slightly.
“Do you like it when I tell you, you did something well?” Helmut asked.
Heike sighed but didn’t say anything.
“Yes,” James confessed blushing more.
“Have you imagined sexual fantasies with anyone of us?”
“I try not to.”
“Why?”
“Because you are my friends. It feels ... wrong.”
“Would it still feel wrong if we were fine with you thinking about us like that?”
James thought about it for a moment. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Have you touched yourself recently in a sexual way?”
“Yesterday, in the shower,” he muttered blushing again.
“Did it feel good?”
“Yes.”
“Would you like any of us to touch you like that?”
Helmut’s question did lead to James thinking about their hands on his cock. Which promptly started to twitch in his pants.
“I ... I think so, yes.”
“Helmut this is not an interrogation,” Heike reminded him, when he wanted to ask more questions.
“You’re right. But I have two more that are especially important.”
Heike gestured him to go ahead.
“Do you feel comfortable saying no to us, if we would do something you do not enjoy?”
“I’m not sure,” James answered honestly. “But probably yes.”
“Would you be fine with rating your current enjoyment via a stop light system? So, green for everything is fine, yellow for you need a moment to think about it and red for no, I don’t like this.”
“I think I could do that,” James said, contemplating the system.
Helmut nodded and as he had promised Heike, he did not continue the questions.
All three of them were quietly finishing their dinner, while James tried to evaluate the whole situation. It was slightly overwhelming.
“So, how would you feel if I asked you to kiss me?” Heike asked eventually.
James looked at her. Her warm smile, her bright blue eyes, and her kind gaze. “I would like that,” he answered quietly.
She leaned over the table towards James. He quickly glanced towards her husband, but Helmut was just watching them with a small grin on his face. James focused back on Heike. She closed her eyes, as he leaned towards her, so he did the same. Their lips met. It was warm, soft, comforting and a bit arousing at the same time. But it was over far too soon.
“Was that alright?” she asked.
James nodded. “Can we do that again?”
She chuckled and leaned forward again. James closed his eyes when their lips met anew. It was a bit less soft this time, since Heike applied more pressure with her lips against his lips. It was even better.
“You two are gorgeous,” Helmut said, when Heike pulled back from the kiss. She looked at her husband with a happy smile, while Bucky felt a bit guilty for kissing another man’s wife. Even though said husband looked fine with the situation.
“May I get a kiss as well, James?” Helmut asked.
He nodded and leaned over to the other side of the kitchen table, not even taking into consideration that he never kissed a man before.
The first touch of their lips was chaste, similar to the one he had with Heike, but after he got confirmation from James that he liked it, Helmut took things a bit further. His hand came to rest at James’ neck, pulling him closer and the kiss became more passionate. It stoked flames inside of his veins, which spread through his body, burning second thoughts and doubt. The only thing left behind was arousal.
James was panting when they separated. He wanted more. He wanted ... his eyes widened when he felt the impulse to kneel at Helmut’s feet. Submit to him like he was his handler. James stood up abruptly, shaking Helmut’s hand which had still been resting in his neck.
“James?” Heike asked concern more than evident in her tone.
“I apologize for disturbing you,” Helmut said. Other than his wife he didn’t look concerned, his gaze was calculating.
“What did you do?” James asked confused.
“I followed a hunch. I guess, I was correct with my assumption though I failed to consider the effect it might have on you, regarding your past experiences with... forced obedience.”
James frowned. He didn’t quite understand what Helmut was trying to tell him.
“I assume you never came across it so far, but some people enjoy giving up control. And some people like to take control. It is nothing like Hydra did to you. People practice it consensually, similar to a game. The person who gives up their control sets the boundaries. Nothing that wasn’t previously agreed upon should happen and every participant can stop the game at any time.”
“And you like to take control,” James assumed.
“On occasion. But the more important question is if you would like to follow orders from me. Or rather us?”
“What kind of orders?” James asked skeptically.
“That solely depends on your wishes, James.”
James didn’t know what to make of this whole situation. Now his feelings had definitely shifted from slightly overwhelmed to very overwhelmed.
“Helmut why do you always insist on making things more complicated?” Heike asked, slowly shaking her head.
“Well, it is not my fault that he blushes to nicely, whenever I praise him.”
“Since you do it on purpose it kind of is.”
Helmut contemplated his wife’s objection for a moment.
“I want you to know, that we will respect your decision,” he finally said. “You decide if anything sexual happens or if you ever want to give that kind of control to us. Either decision will not change that we care about you and that you have a home here as long as you like.”
“I need to think about it,” James said.
“Of course,” Heike said. “But do let us know if you need anything. That includes platonic cuddles.”
“Thanks,” James muttered before leaving the kitchen and going towards his room. As soon as he left, he could hear the Zemos arguing softly.
“Helmut, that was way too fast.”
“I am sorry, Love. I just could not resist the temptation to kiss him more. I honestly did not expect him to react like that; I thought he would simply like it.”
James moved more quickly to ensure he wouldn’t be able to hear the rest of their private conversation. They knew his hearing was good, but he was fairly sure that they didn’t know how good.
He lay down onto his bed, not trying to sleep just staring at the ceiling. He liked the idea of kissing and maybe also touching Heike and Helmut in a more sexual way. But the whole control thing scared him if he was being honest with himself. He had been so relieved when he hadn’t felt the need to follow every command any longer. When he finally could make his own decisions again. He had found himself and his voice again when he had decided to kill his former masters. Helmut and his men may have found him, but he no longer stayed with the Zemos because he felt like he needed to. He liked them. He liked their home. He even liked taking down Hydra one head at a time with EKO Scorpion.
James thought back to the kiss with Helmut. To his hand resting on his neck. It had felt good, to let him direct his movement and the kiss. The impulse to kneel had been what had triggered his memories. Maybe he could just tell them that he liked the direction without any command to kneel at their feet like a trained dog. Though the idea of kneeling at Helmut’s feet while he petted his hair made his cock peek up in interest.
James felt the need to put his head through the wall. Why was his brain so fucked up? Well, probably because of all the brainwashing by Hydra, but that was beside the point.