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Robin sat up in bed with a start. Slade. Haunting his nightmares as usual. It felt so much more potent now that he had been haunted in his waking live too. He could still feel his bones shattering and Slade crushing his fist after catching a punch. He could hear that cool, manipulative tone breathe down his neck, the lithe fingers on his shoulders before the man pressed too hard and snapped another bone in his body. It felt like he had been inhaling fear toxin before drifting into sleep. He wasn't even sure how he got to sleep after that ordeal
He instinctively looked downward. No suffocating metal armour, no orange and no black. Just his tattered Robin costume, a beacon which stood out in the dim light of the infirmary. His mask was also still intact, no one had touched it. He knew he could trust his team not to but it was just nice to know that no one had done anything when they had the opportunity to. This just proved his trust in them. Though he hadn't done much to prove that in the last few hours.
His arm was still hooked up to a few machines on the side now. He let it remain, trying not to be hasty and reckless. The adrenaline coursing through his body since the last few hours had completely dissipated by now. He was now left with nothing but the consequences of his outburst. And boy did it hurt, both mentally and physically.
He had hurt his team, his friends–his family–again. All because of his obsession with Slade. He had allowed himself to get wrapped up again. He didn't notice the obvious, the details he had been taught to observe. How could he not have realised that what he thought was Slade had no impact on the environment while he did? How did he not rationalise why he could see Slade if he was really using cloaking but Starfire couldn't? No. He just had to get obsessed again. He didn't usually saying he was obsessed but he was. And it was a problem. He was the leader of the team, he wasn't supposed to go nuts on all of them. His bonds with them were fragile after Red X and becoming Slade's apprentice and after putting so much effort into fixing snd re-kindling the team's bonds and trust, he'd gone and ruined it again. All because of one man who even in death haunted Robin.
Atleast they had stuck with him. They always did. The team stuck by him until the very end even if he gave them very little reason to with his repeatedly harmful actions. Even after acting like an asshole to them for the entire day, they had tried their best to believe him and help him. He couldn't have asked for a better team, or a better family.
He found that his body felt much,much better than before. He would have chalked it up to rest but he knew he had been healed. Even his mind felt calmer, which he knew was the effect of whatever Raven had done. He looked around the room and got a little startled when he noticed her in the infirmary. She was on the little couch beside the bed and had clearly fallen asleep after healing him. He bit his lip a little thinking about how taxing it must've been to mind meld with him to save him and then heal all of the injuries he had inflicted on himself.
It was kind of cute actually, though he'd refrain from saying that out loud lest she murder him. In any case, Raven looked utterly peaceful in this moment. Her regular expression had softened up completely and her hair was falling over her face which she'd rested upon her arm. She'd curled up on the couch like a street cat with her cloak covering her whole body. It was just an oddly cute thing to witness Raven being so soft and vulnerable. Had she stayed here to keep an eye on his vitals or just crashed after healing him? Either way, it was sweet of her to do so. Beside her on the couch were his Superman pyjamas. The ones he left on the bed. That made him involuntarily smile to himself. So she'd brought him a more change of clothing without ever snooping in his closet. It was just like Raven to do. Just silently thoughtful snd kind while trying not to invade his privacy–even though he wouldn't have had a problem with her raiding his closet.
He took his pyjamas and went off to thr infirmary bathroom to change out of his tattered up Robin uniform. He found himself staring at the symbol, remembering when he had to strip it away and don the sloppy S of Slade instead. The way Slade was trying to manipulate him into thinking he'd like it. The worst part was, he did like it. He knew he enjoyed atleast the adrenaline of it all. But doing what he did to his family always made him sick. It was like a horrible acidic cord growing from his stomach and wrapping up all of his organs, forcing his insides to twist despite the thrill from the adrenaline.
Just the thought of it all made him sick. The thought of Slade made his muscles tighten in defense involuntarily and make his body feel sick at the same time.
Wait. There was a noise. A short and vague shuffle sounded from outside. No. No. He was safe. The Tower was safe. Slade wasn't here. They would've heard an alert if the Tower was infiltrated–Robin had insisted Cyborg and no one had questioned it.
He put one hand in his chest, lightly hammering it as if that would stop the non-stop beating. His other hand fumbled wirh his utility belt trying to find a birdarang–just in case–when he heard a voice.
"Robin?" He heaved a breath of relief. It was just Raven. Everything was alright. He took a second before answering, trying to calm his breathing down so his voice wouldn't shake.
"Are you okay? I'm coming in if you don't respond next time" Her voice was almost imperceptibly monotoned. Almost being thr key word. He doubted anyone would've caught the slight waver in her voice but he had worked very hard deciphering her tones and lifts in her expression and subtle tells in her body language. She was good, really good. But he was trained by the world's greatest detective and was nothing if not determined–Raven would've said stubborn–so he had managed after living with her as long as they had.
"I'm alright, don't worry." He called out and let his hands fall to the handle to open the door himself. Huh, he hadn't noticed himself getting relaxed.
Raven was visibly, not relaxed. She had this uncanny ability of looking poised 24/7, even right now despite her slightly disheveled hair and clothes. But her expression gave away worry–an actually obvious expression of concern–which made him bite his lip in guilt. He didn't want to be the person causing her more distress than what she already dealt with daily. But unfortunately, that was exactly where he was again.
She sighed in relief at the sight of him, doing a quick once-over.
"Are you sure you're okay? Atleast, physically?" She asked
"Yeah, thanks for healing me" He smiled reassuringly, hoping that would erase her worry. Instead she furrowed her eyebrows some more and moved out of the doorway to let him pass.
"You should get some more rest. And no, I am not taking anything other than compliance" She said it as casually as always but he knew how serious she was about this and he'd honestly rather fight Slade again than risk incurring Raven's wrath.
He made his way back to the bed on the infirmary and sat down. Raven cocked her head to the side a little.
"You're not going back to your room?" She inquired
"I will. I just...have stuff to ask, and say first"
"This is about the bond I assume?" She asked, sitting down on the bed a few inches away from him.
"Yeah and other st–wait, is that what it is? A bond? How does that work?" He raised an eyebrow, through his mask.
"Well, it's not a bond like what it means in English exactly...that's just the literal translation of what I did in English. The way my powers work, I feel a little bit of everything that makes up what I use it on. On the other hand, I have to put a fraction of my soul into it too. With you–well I wasn't sure this was entirely possible when I did it but it was my last resort. My soul self connected with your mind. It was kind of like I was in your mind, experiencing and feeling what you did dialled to 100. I think it created a permanent soul link between our minds though" She finished explaining, fiddling with the edges off her cloak. That was one side no one ever saw of her. Raven had a tendency to fiddle with anything, but she was so subtle and so poised from being hyper-conscious all the time, it was completely untraceable. He had a feeling that the only reason he saw it was because she let him.
So she had literally linked their minds together somehow? Did that mean he could hear her thoughts? No, she was an empath, not a telepath. Atleast not that he knew of. Even if she could somehow read minds, then he trusted that she wouldn't.
Either way, he assumed that meant that she could feel his emotions in a much more heightened sense now. Perhaps she could even sense him much more tangibly like this. That also meant that if he tried, he could sense her. Huh. Not bad.
He still did have several questions though. Such as why he had experiences spotty memories of his life like a movie trailer while Raven was doing what she did. He wasn't mad exactly–infact he was expecting to be more uncomfortable about it but he really wasn't—because if there was anyone he trusted enough with this, it was gonna be Raven.
"Those memories you saw, or felt, whatever. What exactly did you see?" He asked hesitantly.
Raven chewed on her lip in apprehension. She knew he was going to ask. And she'd prepared for that beforehand. She just hoped that this wouldn't ruin their friendship. He was her best friend, the one who knew her best out of everyone. She didn't want to lose that because her powers were so unpredictable and had basically spilled everything to her. She hadn't wanted to invade his privacy but Robin's condition and the circumstances had given her no other way out.
"Your name and identity. Enough about Batman to put two and two together. I believe I saw your parents too and what happened. I felt it." She responded, her tone sounding much more level than dhr felt inside.
Robin gripped the bedsheets. Clearly, she knew a lot of vital and valuable information because of this. Information that he would have risked his throat over getting out. Raven knew Batman's identity. Of course she'd put things together, she wasn't stupid. She'd seen his parents dying and the funeral and she now knew his real name. That was a lot. It was a big change which he wasnt sure how to process, let alone respond to.
"Look Robin, I'm sorry. Really, truly sorry for invading your mind and your privacy the way I did. And I know sorry doesn't change anything but it was my only option at the time and I don't regret what I did because it saved your life. However, I can try and fix things. I'll look into my books to see how to sever the bond and if you want, I can try a memory spell to wipe everything about you out of my memories. It's a risky spell even when done right but I think I can manage"
"Woah Raven, slow down. I'm not mad at you. You saved my life alright? I wouldn't even be here without your intervention" He put his hands on her shoulders reassuringly.
"Sure the secret identity this is a little...well complicated. But if anyone had to know mine and Batman's identity, I'd prefer it be you. I trust you completely alright? That's why I allowed you into my mind. I wouldn't have if I didn't trust you with what was in there" He carried on, letting his hand rest upon her shoulders.
She sighed a little and looked down, staring at the floor feeling discomfort spread in her gut.
"Are you sure? I swear I can make it so that none of this ever happened"
"No Rae, I don't want you messing with your memory for anything. Besides, it was comforting to have you know and understand" He shrugged
"It was?"
"Yeah. I guess so. My heads still a little messed up but it's nice to feel your presence"
She gave him a surprised look and then blurted out "Why?" before she could stop herself.
"Because it's you" He answered with no hesitation
"Uh..." She questioned, very confused by what he was trying to say. What about her presence was so nice anyway?
"Come on Raven, I mean you're just one of the most understanding people I know. And you don't judge, usually. Plus, I know it'd never get out with you knowing" He shrugged.
"Oh..." She trailed off, not knowing how to answer that. She wasnt sure she believed what he meant but she couldn't help Happy leaping in her head when it processed.
"Look Robin, I'm sorry that we–I–didn't trust you about seeing Slade" She spoke up, cutting through the silence softly.
"No Raven, I should apologize. I'm sorry I went as insane as I did. I'm sorry I hurt you all and let my obsession take over me again"
"It was because of the chemicals Robin. And I can't blame you for acting the way you did when you saw Slade. Considering the things you've been through with him, all the emotions I felt in your head...I can understand the fear and anger you felt"
"Still, I hurt you all and fell right back into my self-destructive cycle" He sighed and looked down at his once broken wrist which she had healed.
"Healing isn't linear. It's normal to fall back into old cycles, as much as it feels terrible" She responded. She fumbled for words for a moment, still learning how to talk about emotions this way.
"You're not alone in this. You just need to be reminded of that every now and then. We're here to help you, even when you won't allow us to, we're still here. We may fight, and argue and oppose you sometimes but we're still here"
He knew she was referring to earlier when she'd stepped forward and asked rhe question the rest of the team was too scared to ask. But he'd always appreciated when she was brutally honest. She never hesitated to voice when he was being stupid and he didn't feel demeaned or patronized when it was her. It was just simple, straight, sense being knocked into him by someone who understood him best. That was also why he was likely to listen to her–and because he'd learned the consequences of not listening to her very early in after forming the team. That wasn't to say they didn't have their roommate bitchfights every now and then but he did truly appreciate it how she was unafraid to say what needed to be said.
"So, I guess you know what I look like under the mask huh?" He asked, breaking the silence with an almost foreign teasing in his voice. Almost, being the key word. She wasnt sure when that had started with him but she was starting to get used to it.
"I only got a short glimpse really" She shrugged.
"But you do know" His signature smirk formed on his face causing her to raise an eyebrow. He should not be acting so smug after everything that happened today.
"You know, I think you should go rest" she said on a slightly reprimanding tone, as if she was scolding a toddler.
She could almost see him rolling his eyes through the mask, imagining the soft blue she'd seen for a glimpse of a second. He scoffed.
"Alright, fine. I'll go and rest" He conceded
"Good. And I better not see you working until atleast after noon tomorrow" She said, bossy tone returning to her voice
"Thought you'd say the whole day" He indulged in banter
"I know how you are" She rolled her eyes
"That, you do" He responded with a chuckle
"Alright, let's call it a night" He yawned and reached for the infirmary door and opened it for the both of them. She walked him to his room in the dormitories. She insisted to really.
"Hey Rae? Thanks, for everything" He smiled at her, a little too widely. Her chest warmed again, like it always did when he acted like this. She could feel every strand of how grateful he was.
"Of course. We're family" She nodded and gave him a little smile back, wanting him to know she appreciated him too. She may never have a chance to again after all
"Goodnight"
"Yeah, goodnight"