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“You mouthy little mortal!” Lucifer snapped. Vox grinned, the serpent had fallen right into his trap. Angel Dust’s spying skills would finally be put to proper use, for once. The whore was useful.
“Smite me! Silence me!” Vox grinned, playing more confident than he really was. Angel Dust wasn’t exactly the brightest. He wasn’t sure if the knowledge was wholly true. But it was far too late to back down. He had to continue. “That’s all you angels know how to do!”
Lucifer seethed, not moving. Vox’s shoulders nearly slumped in relief at the fact he was still somehow alive.
“You won’t do it. You’re-”
Vox was cut off by many things happening at once. A clawed hand tugged at his bowtie, and lips crashed into his. His eyes widened stupidly. For some unknown, accursed reason, he didn’t fight back. He let the kiss happen, Lucifer- The fucking Devil from the Bible- lowered his hands to Vox’s waist, pulling him closer.
Lucifer finally pulled away when Vox’s screen was entirely flushed. Vox gaped stupidly. “I- I-”
“Yeah! There! That shut you up, huh, Mr TV head m-”
Vox pulled Lucifer into another kiss, trying to maintain some semblance of dominance. He was vaguely aware of Valentino filming him before Lucifer pushed Vox onto the ground, pinning him down as they made out publicly.
Lucifer granted mercy by pulling away as Vox panted. “You really think you can top me? Ha! Comedic.”
“What- You just-” Vox stammered, any hope at maintaining his public persona shattered by the man sitting on his chest.
“Any other propaganda to spread? Any other hotels to disparage?”
“I- I-”
“Say something!” Velvette hissed from the wings.
“You’re hot.” Vox blurted out. Lucifer flushed golden.
“I- I am!? Me?! Really!?” Lucifer seemed genuinely astonished.
“Fuck- I-” Vox scrambled to push Lucifer off of him, eyes scanning over the crowd of very confused sinners. “So now you, all of Hell, can see it truly!”
“...See what truly!?” A Sinner yelled back.
“The fact that- that- Lucifer condones this, because… we’re engaged!” Vox was bullshitting. Lucifer choked on air. “This was all an elaborate scheme to show that we’re backed by the King of Hell himself, the manifestation of all of our sin! After all, how could he not back his future-” What was the male word for a Queen other than King-
“My future Queen!” Lucifer announced hurriedly. “Wait, what!?”
“We- We’ve been engaged for 7 years, remember?”
“We- Yeah, okay, I must’ve forgotten.” Lucifer shrugged. “Vox is my soon-to-be wife, so you better agree with him!” Lucifer grabbed Vox’s hand, pulling him up and holding it up to the crowd. Vox was so thankful for all those improv classes.
“From now on, I’m Vox Morningstar!” Vox announced, panickedly.
A blue portal appeared, and Vox ducked behind Lucifer, terror coursing through his veins.
The terror faded when he saw a bunch of angels and that Princess with a bunch of gift baskets.
“...Are those fucking gift baskets?” Vox wondered.
“We’ve come to apologise for the ex-”
“You can’t apologise for genocide with fucking gift baskets.” Vox scowled.
“There’s really good taffies in there-”
“Taffies!? You killed thousands if not more of us! Are we just worth really good taffies!?” Vox scolded.
“Who do you think you are?” A tall angel glowered.
“I’d say you should respect him, Sera.” Lucifer seethed. “He’s my fiancée.”
“What!?” Charlie yelped.
Vox shrugged.
“Dad!?”
“Char, look. I had to move on from your mother at some-”
“Fucking Vox!?”
“We’re not fucking yet. Are we?” Lucifer looked up at Vox, who nervously shook his head. “Yeah. We’re not.”
Sera looked horrified. “Lucifer! You can’t just get a new ruler-”
“I did! Vox and I are very happy together!”
“We are??” Vox.
“You are??” Charlie asked at the same time.
“Obviously! I treat my Queen well!” Lucifer wrapped an arm around Vox’s waist. Valentino glared pointedly at Vox, who shrugged.
“Y-Yeah. What he said.” Vox was astonished he'd made it this far, honestly.
Alastor stormed on stage, free of the constraints. Of course, they were just for show. Alastor was a pretend captive after all.
“Are you fucking serious!?” He yelled. “I- Out of everyone- You two!? Really!?”
“...Yes.” Vox answered cautiously.
“Does this mean you're stronger than me, by technicality?” Alastor’s eyes lit up with malicious glee.
“Of course my wife is stronger than you! He's my damn wife!”
Alastor started laughing. “Vincent, thank you!”
“What-”
Alastor wrapped his arms around him, and Vox stared dumbly. “I'm free now!”
“... help me?” Vox pleaded.
Lucifer pushed Alastor away. “Hands off my wife, Bambi.”
“Oooh, Bambi! That's a good one!” Vox grinned.
“Thank you, sweetheart!” Lucifer beamed, cheeks flushed. Vox blushed in turn.
“You're both going to be insufferable together… I don't get how I didn't see it sooner. You're perfect for each other.”
“We are???” Vox wondered.
“I dead ass forgot we were engaged until Voxikins reminded me.” Lucifer pointed out.
Alastor stared at Vox knowingly. “I wish you luck then.”
“...Thanks.” Vox was so fucked, wasn't he?
“Anyways.” Sera cut them off sharply. “We've also come to inform all of you that redemption is possible.”
Vox's jaw dropped.
“The Hazbin Hotel works.”
The crowd's eyes settled on Vox. “I knew that!” He lied. “I was just… acting… up… so I could see Lucifer.”
“Awww, babe! You coulda just popped by!” Lucifer grinned.
No the fuck he couldn't have.
“I'll keep that in mind next time… dear.”
Lucifer grinned. “Well, this is a happy ending for everyone!”
Alastor stared. “You… you freed me from my deal.”
“You had a deal?” Vox's eyes narrowed.
“I have my soul back!” Alastor grinned excitedly. “Vox, I will no longer be needing your deal. I'd hope you won't hurt your daughter.”
“I- You sold your fucking soul!?”
“Why did you think I rejected you?”
“...what the fuck?”
“You didn't know he was on a leash?” Lucifer wondered. Vox blinked dumbly.
“...I think… we need to get rid of Angel's contract.”
Charlie gasped. “You'd do that for us?”
“... it's best he's got the least amount of associations with the Vees as possible.” Vox's head spun with everything he'd learned.
“This really is a happy ending!” Another angel- Probably Emily- spun. “Taffies for everyone!”
“So, love… What do you wanna do when we get back to the hotel? Wanna have premarital sex?”
“...Why the fuck not.”