Chapter Text
Catra knows she has a lot of self-destructive tendencies. It's something she’s working on in therapy. Or, rather, something her therapist is trying to work on with her in therapy. There’s just certain habits she doesn’t see the harm in. Like the drinking. What’s the harm in a couple of drinks on a school night? And, if she’s drinking, then she might as well smoke. For the aesthetic, of course. So now she’s a couple drinks in on a Tuesday night and she’s starting to roll a blunt when she hears a loud knock on the door.
“Shit!” She startles, knocking down the rolling tray. “Fuck.”
A familiar voice speaks from the other side of the door. “Uhh, Catra?”
“Comin’! One sec!” She stares at the mess on the floor for a moment before deciding to just sweep it under her bed for now. Satisfied with her clean up, she stumbles on her way to open the door. When she sees the girl on the other side, she tries her best to hold steady. “Hey, Adora.”
Adora smiles weakly. She looks like she just rolled out of bed … which, to Catra at least, isn’t a bad look. She wears a pink and purple Brightmoon University t-shirt and a pair of black sleep pants. There are white fuzzy slippers on her feet, a Christmas gift from Catra. Her golden hair sticks out in some places. “Hey, Catra.”
“What’s up?”
“Um … Sorry. It's so late. I hope you weren’t asleep? You don’t look like you were asleep. You look …” Adora trails off as she squints at Catra’s appearance and stance. “Are you drunk?”
Shit. She always clocks my shit. “... Not drunk. Tipsy? Maybe.”
“It's Tuesday.”
“Your point?”
“My point? My …” Adora sighs and rubs her forehead, contemplating punching Catra in the face. “Y’know what? I don’t know. I could go on about your drinking problem, but you don’t see it as a problem, so it’s too late at night for that discussion.”
Catra opens her mouth to protest, but nothing comes out. Adora’s right. They have that discussion over and over. Each time Catra leaves feeling perfectly fine with her habits, so why get into it at 2AM? God knows it’ll be a waste of time and it's certainly not what Adora came over for. Speaking of, Adora stands awkwardly in the doorway, as if trying to say what's on her mind.
Catra clears her throat. “Yeah, uh … so what brings you here at this hour? You’re never awake now.”
“I was woken up.”
Adora finally leaves the doorway, walking past Catra to flop down on her bed. Catra follows and almost lays down beside her before wondering if that’s too … intimate. These dorm beds are tiny as hell and Adora isn’t exactly a small person. She’s built, to say the least. Her biceps take up like the entire bed, Catra thinks to herself as she settles for the desk chair instead, rolling it over to face the bed. She crosses her legs as she sits down.
“Woken up by who?” Catra snorts, then says sarcastically. “The First Ones.”
“Don’t joke about them.”
“I can’t believe you believe in ghosts.”
“I can’t believe you don’t! But no. Not by the First Ones. And not by Bow and Glimmer making out, thank god. There was a knock on the door. It scared the shit out of me and Glimmer. By the time I managed to put pants on, there was no one there, but they slid something under the door.”
Catra was so distracted by the mention of Adora sleeping pantless that it took her a second to register the blonde was handing her something: a piece of paper folded twice. She takes it and unfolds it. It's a handwritten letter:
Dear Adora,
I can’t believe myself. Why am I writing this? Something about … letting feelings out in some form and that it's good to let it all out. I don’t really see the point, but fine.
I love you. I always have. Love feels like such a strong word, but I don’t know how else to describe it. I hate the word ‘crush’. It’s so mushy, but I guess my feelings towards you are kinda mushy and gross and bleh. So love it is.
I’m not sure what else to say. Does this need to be long? I don’t think so. Alright. Yeah.
Catra stares at the letter in disbelief, rereading it a couple times. Shit. Fuck. How the hell?! Scorpio made her write this letter months ago. She said it helped her with her feelings for Perfuma, so Catra mostly did it to satisfy her friend. It didn’t help. Nothing helps. Catra has been in love with Adora since middle school and she’ll never do anything about it. There’s no helping that, so she buried the letter behind a shit ton of school supplies. How the hell did it end up in Adora’s room tonight?
Catra’s voice trembles as she practically whispers. “Look. I can explain-”
“Explain?!” Adora practically shrieks. “You know who wrote it?!”
“I …” Catra squints at the blonde idiot in disbelief. How could anyone be so stupid? “You … don’t?”
“No.” Adora sighs. “Y’know I can be a bit … oblivious. You noticed someone has a crush … or, er, is ‘in love’ with me? And didn’t tell me?”
“No. No, that’s not …” Catra has never backtracked so fast in her life. “I just meant … I can explain why this would happen, which is that you’re so beautiful and amazing and … yeah! So it makes sense why someone might have a crush on you! I bet a bunch of people do. But I don’t know who. How would I? I’m in this room all day every day.”
Adora finally takes a look around Catra’s room. It's unreasonably messy, but only because she doesn’t have a roommate. It doesn’t look like she’s left in ages. Adora actually can’t remember the last time she’s hung out with Catra outside this room.
“Yeah … yeah, you need to get out more. If you did, then you would know who wrote that.”
A pause. Catra bites her lip, also looking around her own room. She’s suddenly itching to tidy things up, especially the abundance of beer cans on her desk. Adora notes this and cringes at her words.
“I mean, I would also be a messy homebody if I had a single.” She laughs.
“Yeah … perks of being mentally ill, I guess. The housing accommodation."
Adora snorts at that before taking the letter back from Catra, looking over it again. “I dunno why … Well, Glimmer said to go to you about it. That you would definitely know who it was. Maybe she just said that get me to shut up so she could sleep.”
“Yeah … yeah, maybe.” Catra blushes deeply. Sparkles definitely knows about Catra’s feelings for Adora. She can smell a crush from a mile away … except for when Bow clearly liked her back.
“Speaking of …” Adora brings the blanket up to her chin before curling up more in bed. “I don’t wanna leave now. I’m comfy.”
“... You live just downstairs.”
“I know, but …” She sighs. “I’m already here … in your bed …”
“Right. My bed. So, what, I sleep on the floor?”
Adora shakes her head very firmly. “We can share.”
Catra is so glad she isn’t as pale as Adora, otherwise her blush would be visible from a mile away. They hadn’t slept in the same bed together since high school. It was natural then, but now? After everything? It all felt very intimate and it scared the shit out of her, but she had been waiting for this.
She bites her lip for a moment, trying and failing to conjure up a reason to protest. “Yeah, okay. Scoot over a bit.”
Adora does. It doesn’t help much. Still, Catra climbs into bed, laying on her back next to her best friend. Their shoulders and legs touch, something impossible to avoid. Catrasighs, staring up into the dark, resisting the urge to inch closer, wrap her arms around the big dumb idiot and whisper the words ringing in her mind now: I love you. I always have.
She doesn’t. Within minutes, Adora is snoring. Catra doesn’t fall asleep until much, much later and it is far from restful.