Chapter Text
James really did love Sirius. He grew up an only child, but ever since he met Sirius, he didn’t feel like one. They were always together. Halves of a whole. So, staying away from Sirius was a large switch for him.
They haven’t spoken for days, the argument still boiling unsettled. He understood, he really did. Sirius was worried about his brother. Hell, he’s worried about Regulus. But, something about Sirius was driving James mental.
He replayed everything in his head, right after Sirius fled and left them with the Slytherins. Remus had gotten the two of them out of that, promising to stay quiet and leave.
Back in the common room, James had tried to stay calm, but seeing Sirius sitting there, refusing to explain shit to them, he snapped. He yelled, told Sirius he was being selfish. Sirius had tried to claim that James wouldn’t understand, and that only fueled his anger.
He just couldn’t fathom how it was possibly fair, that Sirius could wreck everything, and leave dump it on them to fix. His excuse was getting old. James understood that Sirius has had a horrible life. He knew better than most.
He was the one who saw Sirius- unconscious and covered in blood- tumble through his fireplace and collapse on the rug. He was the one who listened to him scream, bolting awake in the middle of the night. He was the one who held him as he sobbed after a particularly bad nightmare.
So when Sirius said that James didn’t understand, it hurt. Because deep down, he knew he would never understand. Saying it out loud only stung even more.
The great hall was loud, bustling with energy and talk. James and Peter had made up after the fight with Sirius, so he spent most of his time with him and him alone. The girls had done nothing wrong, but James had accepted that they all had a soft spot for Remus a long time ago. Remus would choose Sirius no matter what, even if it killed him. So, Peter.
They were sitting at the very end of the table furthest from the door. James could tell Peter wanted nothing more than to be back in their big group, if the longing glances he was throwing their way was anything to go off of.
“James, maybe you should just talk to Sirius?” Peter broke the tension and silence. James snapped his head up, and Peter seemed far less confident when their gazes met. He even shrunk in on himself a little bit.
“Pete,” James groaned, “go sit with them if you want to so badly! I really don’t mind, mate,” he did, but he wasn’t about to tell Peter what he could and couldn’t do.
He frantically shook his head, eyes widening in realization. “Wait, no, I don’t-” he coughed, choking on his toast. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just saying, this is probably the longest you guys haven’t spoken.”
“Yeah, well. If he wants to talk, he can come and talk. I’m done taking the first step because he’s too scared to,” he said, and he meant it. He was absolutely done with Sirius’ bullshit. He loved him, but he was going to have to get himself together first.
“So…” Peter glanced at the others- quick. Subtle. “You aren’t gonna talk to him?”
“Nope,” he shook his head. “I’m not giving in this time Wormy.” Peter looked unsatisfied, but went back to poking at his plate.
James tried to start up a conversation, bringing up topics they both liked, but it was clear Peter wasn’t having it. Eventually he just stopped. They sat and finished their breakfast, letting the chatter of the great hall take over them.
“Hey, ‘m gonna get to class now. See you later Prong,” Peter swung his legs over the bench and stood up, leaving him. He sighed, watching him go. He ended up leaving a minute later, discovering breakfast alone wasn’t quite enjoyable.
He was a bit early, so the charms classroom was still mostly vacant. The professor didn’t mind though, so he sat at his usual seat and doodled on some spare parchment. He noticed when Remus and Lily entered the classroom immediately, and he shrunk in on himself, trying to hide at the sound of Lily and Remus laughing.
He could pinpoint the moment when they saw him, going quiet suddenly.
“James?” Lily called out, a hint of questioning in her voice. “What are you doing?” Right, she didn’t know.
“Hey Lils,” he looked up to them, noting the way Remus refused to meet his eyes. He also noted it seemed to be more out of guilt, then anger. “Just wanted to finish up some homework. It’s pretty loud in the great hall.”
She seemed skeptical, but nodded anyway, dropping it. Instead, walking over and taking a seat next to him, Remus reluctantly following. Lily started rambling about some mystery person, who she refused to name, and how they were going to help her in herbology. Remus looked awkward, fidgeting with his thumbs and looking down at the floor. Class didn’t start for another six minutes, and Lily stopped talking, scowling at her watch.
“Marlene should be here by now. She better not be ditching again,” she muttered, standing up and storming out the door, assumingly to go get McKinnon. That left James and Remus, who decidedly weren’t talking. Minutes went by, but still nothing was said. James refused to cave first, which ended up paying off.
“James,” Remus sighed, finally looking at him. He looked tired, and James couldn’t help but feel a little bad. Not a lot though, he didn’t start it with Sirius and he stood by that.
“I know what you’re going to say Remus,” he cut him off, putting his quill down. “I’ll talk to Sirius, but he needs to come to me this time. I’m done being the bigger person for him.”
Remus obviously didn’t expect James to run to Sirius first, but he still seemed caught off guard. He examined James with a new found interest, as if he saw something he never did before. James usually loved attention, but under Remus’ gaze, he felt nervous. Remus had a way of doing that, he supposes.
“I-” Remus closed his mouth, thinking hard. “I think that's a good idea,” he nodded. “Sirius does need to take some responsibility,” he said carefully, seemingly not trying to pick sides.
“I will talk to him though, as long as he tries first,” James assures. “I’m not trying to be difficult.”
“That’s all I ask,” Remus smiled at him for the first time in days. James found himself missing his friend more than he thought. A silence settled in, and he fully expected Remus to leave, go find somewhere else to sit, but instead he pulled his bag over and took out his book and quill, smiling at James when he noticed him watching with barely concealed surprise.
“Are we good?” James asked hesitantly. He was usually confident. Cocky. He knew that. So when he was unsure of himself, it always felt wrong. That just wasn’t who he was, or rather, who he was supposed to be. Remus’ expression softened, and he nodded.
“Yeah Prongs, we’re good,” Lily pushed the door open, dragging an angry looking Marlene behind her. They stopped talking about it as they joined them at the desks, but they exchanged an amused grin, before the professor walked into the room and took his place in front of the class.
He felt a certain weight lift from his chest, and his gut didn’t feel as tight. The rest of class didn’t seem as dreadful as it had the past few days, which was quite encouraging.
After class, they walked together. He didn’t leave alone this time, but with his friend. The day seemed to move faster, even when they had to part different ways.
-Remus-
His mind wouldn’t stop racing, plotting out ways to get Sirius to talk to James. He had stuck by his side the entire time, but he couldn’t help but admit to himself that Sirius was in fact, being unfair. James was mad, rightfully so. Hell, Remus himself was mad.
He also knew it was perfectly fair that James wasn’t planning on speaking to him first. He always did, and it was time for Sirius to take the first step for a change.
He needed it to come from Sirius directly, not Remus forcing him to talk to James. That, would be their main problem. Sirius was never the type to beg for forgiveness, expecting friends to give it regardless.
The common room was fairly empty. James had agreed to stay away so Remus could talk to Sirius for a while. Peter was probably with him, glad to have a friend again. He heard Lily talking about forcing the other girls to study in the library with her, so it was just him and Sirius. Some first and second years lingered around tables, desperately trying to finish up some homework due, but other than that they were alone.
Sirius was half asleep, head dropping on his shoulder before jerking back up again. Remus had told him multiple times that he could go up to the dorms and turn in for the night, but he refused every time. Eventually Remus gave up and shut his book, the sound waking Sirius up again.
“C’mon Pads,” he stood up, taking Sirius’ hand and pulling him up with him. Sirius latched onto his arm and let himself be led up to the dorm.
“Mhm,” he mumbled, eyes not even open. Once Remus opened the door, Sirius made a beeline for Remus’ bed, flopping down as if it were his.
“You think you’re gonna talk to Prongs?” He tried to be subtle about it, but Sirius clocked it immediately.
“Why?” He sounded defensive, and Remus shook his head.
“I mean, maybe you should go talk to him. I know you miss him, and sulking isn’t going to change that,” Remus said, not bothering to lie anymore. Sirius looked disappointed, but he couldn’t be bothered to make some shit up.
“If he wants to make up, then he can come talk to me,” Sirius tried to argue, but Remus turned it down instantly.
“No, Sirius. He’s always the one who has to apologize first, seek you out first, even when it isn’t fault. I love you, so I’m not gonna bother lying to you, this was your fault. Not his. He shouldn’t be the one apologizing - not first at least. It’s time for you to take some responsibility.”
The room went silent, only a bedside lamp lighting the room. He couldn’t see Sirius’ face, but he held his breath. He waited for a fight, or for him to refuse, but instead he heard him sigh in defeat.
“You think?” He sounded scared, as if he hadn’t considered the fact that he was in the wrong yet. Sometimes Remus forgets that the way Sirius was raised, it might be hard to have understanding over an argument.
“No Pads, I know. You’ll talk to him, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Remus shuffled over in bed, next to Sirius, who rolled on his side and pressed their bodies together. “Thanks Moons.”
He pressed a kiss to his temple, and soon the quiet room was filled with Sirius’ soft breathing.