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“Listen up, class!”
Marinette sat up straight and looked at Mme. Mendeleiev. The science teacher had wiped all her usual formulas from the blackboard, replacing them with a square divided into four smaller squares.
“Presumably you all remembered our project today, but for those less inclined to listen, I’ll explain it again,” Mendeleiev said. “As part of our genetics unit, we’ll be creating Punnett squares for our families. Each of you will take the eye colors, hair colors, and hair textures of your parents and map them out until they match your own appearance, as well as that of any siblings you might have. A key for each hair color and texture and eye color should be at your work table. Now get to work!”
Marinette quickly opened up her notebook and drew three squares, glancing at the key to make sure she got everything right. Hair was pretty easy; her mama had blue-black hair, her baba had brown hair, and both of them had straight hair. Indeed, all she needed to do was put the same symbols in each section of the second square.
Last up was the eyes. She knew her baba had inherited green eyes from both her paternal grandparents, and the same was true of her mama’s gray eyes. So she marked the side column with “Gre gre” and the top with “Gra gra”.
She stared at the box for a moment before realizing she might have a problem on her hands.
“Um, Alya?” she asked, turning to her best friend. “Are you noticing anything...weird with your squares? Like nothing’s adding up?”
Alya frowned. “Kinda, yeah. Why?”
“Well...” Marinette gestured to her squares. “According to this, I’m supposed to have green or gray eyes, right? But I’ve got blue eyes! Why’s that?”
“That’s...a good question,” Alya noted. “Actually, I noticed the same thing. Mom’s got brown eyes, and Dad’s got grayish eyes. Ella and Etta both got Mom’s eyes, naturally, and I know my paternal grandma’s got hazel eyes I probably inherited from her, but Nora’s are bright gold! And I know she doesn’t wear contacts!”
“You guys are having trouble with this, too?” Nino asked, turning around in his seat to face them; Adrien followed suit, curious.
“What, you got weird eye colors too?” Alya asked.
Nino shook his head. “No, everyone in my family has brown eyes. But I’ve got dark brown, kinda textured hair, Ummi’s got the same hair, and I remember Ab having it too...but Chris? He’s got straight, light brown hair!”
“That is weird,” Marinette noted. She turned to Adrien. “Um, what about you, Adrien? Anything weird?”
Adrien shook his head. “No, it all checks out. Got my hair from my mom, and my eyes from...also my mom.” He blinked. “Huh. Guess I didn’t get anything from Father.”
“And thank everything for that,” Nino muttered. Adrien just gave his boyfriend a playful shove in response.
“Geez, did all your parents cheat on each other or something?” Chloé called from the next table over.
“Mine wouldn’t!” Marinette shot back, before the implications set in. “Wait, but what if they did?!”
“Chill, ‘Nette, there’s probably another explanation,” Alya reassured her. She then turned her attention to Chloé. “And what about you, Chloé?”
Chloé huffed. “Did my parents do any cheating or did my puny squares or whatever match up? Because I’ve got physical proof of the former visiting right now, and as for the latter, everything lined up.”
Alya winced. “Sorry, forgot about that.”
“Ugh, it’s fine.”
“Um...” Sabrina spoke up from her place next to Chloé. “I know I got my hair from my dad, and from my mom’s pictures, I know I got my eyes from her. Maybe there’s some weird genetic fluke at play?”
“I mean, we’ve already had to accept magical superpowers being a dime a dozen,” Nino pointed out. “So maybe that’s what’s going on here?”
Marinette frowned. “I don’t know...”
“Wait!” All attention turned to Kim, who looked like he’d just undergone a realization. “What about Alix? I know neither of her parents have pink hair!”
Alix rolled her eyes. “Doofus, I’m wearing a wig. Ab and Ummi wouldn’t let me dye it, and this was our compromise. And I managed to rules lawyer Ummi into letting me use it as a hijab substitute.”
Nathaniel glanced at her. “Wait, I thought you didn’t mind the hijab?”
“I don’t, I just really wanted pink hair.” She glanced at Kim. “What about you, meathead?”
“Weeeeeell...” Kim shrugged. “I definitely got my hair from my surrogate mom, whoever she is, and my eyes from Bạ. What about you, Nath? I heard you speak up.”
“Everything matches up,” Nathaniel replied. “Everyone in my family’s got red hair, and I got my eyes from Mom.”
Max tapped his chin in thought. “My father left the family and Mom threw out all his pictures, but I know for a fact I take after her more, so it doesn’t matter much.”
“Um, my mama abandoned us, too,” Mylène admitted. “But Papa said she had partial African descent, which is why my hair has the texture it does.” She gestured to her dreadlock-styled hair. “I’m not sure why it’s blonde, though...”
Ivan gave his girlfriend a reassuring look before speaking up. “I got pretty much everything from my mom, too – eyes, hair, the works,” he admitted. “The only thing I inherited from Papá was my size.”
Rose tapped her chin in thought. “Well, I know I got my blue eyes from my sperm donor, and my blonde hair from my egg donor!”
“...you alright, Rose?” Marinette asked, not sure how to respond to that.
“Oh, it’s fine!” Rose reassured her cheerfully. “My ‘parents’ are just dead to me!”
No one knew how to respond to that. Thankfully, Lila chose that moment to speak up. “Well, my parents are descended from a long and noble line of-”
“No one’s filming, Lila,” Alya interrupted, giving her a look.
Lila glared at her before correcting herself. “Got my hair from Mamma and my eyes from my sperm donor.”
“There you go.” Alya turned to Juleka. “You’re last, Juleka.”
Juleka fidgeted in her seat a little. “Well, obviously Luka and I got our hair from our dad, and Luka got his blue eyes from both our parents. I’m not sure where I got my eyes from, though...”
Chloé snorted. “I mean, given who your parents are, I’m gonna guess some wild after-concert party was involved.”
“...Luka and I are twins.”
“Wait, you’re what?!” Chloé gave her a disbelieving look. “I thought Luka was older than us!”
“Wait, you didn’t know?” Marinette asked in disbelief.
“Hey, I don’t pay attention to any of your personal lives! Though considering how many of you might have cheating parents, maybe I should reconsider!”
From her seat in front, Mendeleiev sighed as a flurry of arguments broke out from that statement. With her class distracted, she pulled out a flask of tea and took a long, steady gulp.
Every year, this happened. Every single year, she’d witness arguments over parentage and a few cases of newly-discovered infidelity. She’d have stopped doing the damn Punnett squares long ago if it weren’t the fastest way to get genetics into the brains of her idiot students.
Maybe she’d hit up a bar after work. Tomorrow was Wednesday, so it wasn’t like the ensuing hangover would impact her ability to teach.
Marinette went home that day with her science class still fresh in her mind. As such, she decided to try and get an answer from her parents as soon as she could.
“Mama, Baba?” she asked, approaching them in the bakery with a worried look on her face. “Why do I have blue eyes when no one else in our family does?”
Tom smiled. “Oh, it’s nothing serious. I’m sterile, so we had to get a sperm donor to have you.”
Marinette blinked. “That’s it?”
“It is,” Sabine replied, chuckling. “What, did you think it was a sign you were really the daughter of an American billionaire or something?”
“...y’know, it says something about my life that I probably wouldn’t have been surprised.”