Chapter Text
“Hey, sweetie, ready to get out of here?” Tara asked as she walked up to the Doublemeat counter. Buffy looked so cute in her uniform, a fact that Tara hesitated to say out loud in case she made Buffy feel self conscious. It was an objectively hideous outfit but apparently her Slayer powers included the ability to pull off orange stripes and a goofy hat.
“Absolutely,” Buffy replied as she gestured for one of her coworkers to take over her position at the register, “There’s only so much Doublemeat a girl can take.”
Tara laughed, “I wouldn’t know about taking meat. Personally.”
Buffy smiled in response to the joke. It was a lovely smile. Tara was happy to see it, Buffy’s smiles were few and far between these days. It was understandable, of course, and Tara would never push for Buffy to put on a brave face if it didn’t feel true, so it made the smiles that did appear all the sweeter.
It was nice that the two of them were still friends. Tara’s inclusion in the group always felt as though it hinged on her relationship with Willow and now that the two of them weren’t together, she’d worried that she’d lose the friendships she’d formed. As it turned out, she had nothing to worry about. While Buffy did want to understand more about the spell that had returned her to the land of the living, shop talk only made up a fraction of their time spent together. Most of the time they just grabbed coffee, went on walks, and really, genuinely enjoyed one another’s company.
Tara held the door open for Buffy as they left the building. Buffy had removed her hat and her uniform was mostly hidden beneath one of her favorite leather jackets, Tara recognized it as one that she wore often, but the garish orange collar managed to peek through. It was a chilly night, Tara wrapped her own coat around herself a little tighter, but Buffy didn’t seem to notice. It made sense, she was probably used to it thanks to all of her midnight Slayering.
“How’ve you been?” Tara asked, looking over at her friend so that she could gauge her reaction to the question. For the last week, ever since Buffy had broken down and confessed about the nature of her recent encounters with Spike, Tara had been joining her for the first few hours of her patrols. It was good for both of them; Buffy had a reason to not seek out Spike, and it meant that Tara wasn’t sitting alone in her room trying to not think about Willow.
“Today’s been okay,” Buffy replied despite the crease between her eyebrows that implied otherwise, “Staying away from Spike has made me feel less disgusted with myself but I’m not sure if feeling disgusted is worse than feeling a whole lot of nothing.”
“That makes sense. If it helps, I really don’t think what you and Spike have been doing is disgusting. Sure, he’s not my type but I can definitely see how someone of that persuasion would find him attractive,” Tara knew that her words would struggle to penetrate the guilt that Buffy had been drowning under but she was determined to reiterate the point. Feeling guilty about the joy of being with another person, no matter who it is, was no way to live. Of that she was certain.
“That’s kind of the problem. He has that whole hunky bad boy thing going for him, and the way he makes me feel… It makes it easy to forget that he’s Spike and he’s evil and if it wasn’t for that stupid chip he wouldn’t have ever been on our side in the first place,” Buffy sighed and looked over at Tara with a smile that only looked a little forced, “Staying away from him is the right move, I know it. Spending my nights on patrols with you feels a whole lot less yucky than looking for him.”
“Okay then. Remember I’m always here for you, right? I’ll be with you all night, every night if you’ll have me.”
In response Buffy reached out and grabbed Tara’s hand, giving it a warm squeeze. Tara jumped slightly, not expecting the contact, but eased into it almost immediately. Warmth flowed through her fingers where they interlocked with Buffy’s, up her arms and through her torso, until it settled somewhere much lower. It wasn’t Buffy specifically that was making her body react like this, she told herself, she’d just been desperate for the touch of another person ever since she broke up with Willow.
“Enough about me, how are you today with, you know, everything?” It was as if Buffy could read Tara’s mind. She didn’t say Willow’s name, but it was clear what she was asking.
“I- I’m doing okay. These patrols are helping me as much as they’re helping you. A-And I’m glad to hear Willow’s been doing better recently, I really am, I just wish things didn’t have to go so far for her to get better, you know?”
She’d revisited her break up with Willow countless times, wondering if there was anything they could have done differently. She’d even tried to convince herself that she’d overreacted, that what Willow had done wasn’t so bad after all. But then she remembered how Glory had infiltrated her mind, and how Willow didn’t even realize that she had committed the same perversion of Tara’s brain, and she felt her anger bubble up all over again.
“I know,” Buffy said with a small, sad smile, “And I don’t want to push you into doing anything you’re not ready for, but Xander’s started planning for my birthday party and I’d really love for you to be there, if you’d feel comfortable?”
Tara felt rival emotions twisting up inside of her. Being invited to Buffy’s birthday party meant a lot, it did a lot to strengthen her belief that Buffy was her friend, that they hadn’t just been friends because of the mutual-ness of Willow. Of course she wanted to go to her birthday party, to celebrate the fact that Buffy was alive for another rotation around the sun despite all of the odds. But she was also scared. So far she’d only seen Willow in passing, and those small doses of interaction had been enough to send her spiraling for the remainder of the day. An entire night of partying, drinking, socializing in the same vicinity as her ex… Well, it wasn’t a situation she was desperate to put herself in.
Buffy gave her hand another squeeze. Tara had forgotten that they’d still been attached, holding hands felt so natural for the two of them. She shook herself out of the whirlwind that was threatening to form within her mind and nodded at Buffy, looking directly into her eyes.
“I’ll be there. Just, please make sure Willow’s okay with me being there too, I wouldn’t want to make her feel awkward.” Tara said, biting her lip.
“I’ll get Xander to mention it, don’t worry,” Buffy assured her. Tara was glad to see that Buffy’s smile had gone from sad to genuine, almost relieved.
Tara had been about to say something else, about work or college or Dawn or whatever else they usually spoke about, but she was interrupted by the feeling that an unwanted presence had appeared behind them. Buffy sensed it too, of course she did, she had that Slayer intuition, so she smoothly detached her hand from Tara’s grasp before spinning around on her heel. Tara turned too, about a second slower, and was disappointed to see a familiar bleached scalp lurking in the shadows.
“Spike,” Buffy said, her voice carefully neutral.
“Hello, pet,” Spike purred. He either genuinely didn’t notice Tara, or was pretending she wasn’t there. She rolled her eyes. She’d been nothing but civil towards Spike, he could have acknowledged her at the very least.
“What are you doing here? Last time I checked Doublemeat doesn’t serve blood smoothies,” Buffy crossed her arms, closing herself off from him. Tara inched closer, she wanted Buffy to know that she wasn’t alone.
“Oh, you know,” Spike began as he took a step forward to close the gap between him and Buffy, “Passions isn’t on tonight so I thought I’d get out, see the sights, find some passion for myself.”
Tara could feel the atmosphere change as she watched Spike slink closer, raise a hand to brush the hair away from Buffy’s cheek, assert his claim. Buffy had been calm before he’d turned up and now she was all out of sorts. Her cheeks grew red, her breathing became slower and shallower, and she didn’t seem able to look away from the vampire. Before she knew what she was doing, Tara felt her body act of its own accord.
“Sorry, Spike,” Tara said as she wrapped an arm around Buffy’s shoulders and pulled her back a step, severing the connection, “That train has left the station, isn’t that right, sweetie?”
Buffy appeared as if she was coming out of a trance. She looked at Spike, then at Tara, then back again before she caught on to what Tara was saying. She nodded at Tara briefly, almost imperceptibly, encouraging Tara to continue. Spike, for his part, didn’t hide his irritation as he shifted his attention towards Tara.
“What the bloody hell are you talking about?” He asked with his hands on his hips. Tara often thought that Spike had missed the whole brooding vampire memo, for a soulless creature he sure did wear his heart on his sleeve.
“Well, Buffy and I… We’ve become closer since I ended things with Wil. I don’t think Buffy’s interested anymore, I’m sorry,” Tara replied. The words escaped her lips before she had a chance to think them through.
What was she doing? What had come over her? Buffy and Tara were just friends, even if having her arms around Buffy felt comfortable and warm and safe. It was Tara’s nature to think her words through before she spoke, only speaking when it was necessary, when it mattered. But this did seem necessary, it did matter, this was the best way to keep Spike away from Buffy with minimal confrontation. Buffy was snug against Tara, her breath caressed Tara’s neck. A pleasant tingle began its journey across Tara’s spine.
“You two? You?” Spike asked, pointing at Buffy, “And you?” He pointed at Tara, “Nah, no way, I don’t believe it.”
“It’s true, Spike, what we had, whatever it was, it’s over,” Buffy said as she grabbed Tara around the waist. Tara hadn’t been this close to another person since she’d been with Willow and she hadn’t realized how starved she’d been. She was hyper aware of each individual finger pressing against the soft skin of her stomach. Something deep within, something carnal, started to wonder what Buffy’s fingers would feel like as they pressed against other body parts; she felt bad as soon as she recognized the train of thought, it really wasn’t the time, but she put it down to the intensity of the exchange that was triggering her arousal.
“Come on now, I know she’s into the fairer sex,” Spike nodded towards Tara, “But you? You can’t fake the things we did together, pet.”
“It’s the twenty-first century Spike, ever heard of going both ways?” Buffy replied. Tara wondered whether there was any truth to that claim, or if the Slayer was just doing her part to convince Spike.
“Yeah, I basically invented it, love, that’s not you though,” Spike scoffed.
“It is so!” As she grew more irritated, Buffy held on tighter to Tara’s torso. Tara felt herself sink into the touch.
“Nah, you’re as straight as my cock, love,” Spike continued to display an air of disbelief, but Tara noticed that he was beginning to seem less and less certain as they both noticed the ferocity with which Buffy argued her case.
Tara had opted to stay out of their bickering, fully aware that Buffy could fight her own battles, which was why Buffy’s next action took her by surprise. Buffy hands slipped down so that they landed on Tara’s hips and she spun her so that they were facing one another, Tara looking down into her friend’s unreadable expression. Was that passion, anger, lust? Before she could react, Buffy reached up and kissed Tara. Hard.
Tara had been scared that she wouldn’t be able to kiss someone in the same way after Willow, that the relationship she’d had with the other witch had been so sacred that nothing would be able to compare.
She couldn’t have been more wrong.
Buffy held Tara with all the strength that came with being the Slayer, so that Tara was at the mercy of her soft, supple lips. She felt warm wherever her skin made contact with Buffy’s, and that warmth made its way further south the longer they kissed.
Tara couldn’t help herself. She deepened the kiss, nibbling lightly on Buffy’s lower lip and gently pushing her tongue forwards. She wrapped her arms around Buffy, pulling her in tighter, truly believing that if they pulled away from one another it would be the worst thing in the world. Buffy’s lip gloss tasted sweet, sugary, and Tara wondered how the rest of Buffy would taste. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that they didn’t need to kiss this deeply, this passionately, that they’d likely already done enough to convince Spike of their feelings towards each other. The louder, stronger, part of her brain told her that this kiss was important, crucial, it was like the air she needed to breathe.
Finally, excruciatingly, they pulled away. Buffy smiled at Tara in a way that Tara struggled to read, had she felt the same way about the kiss? Or was she just happy to have found a way to convince Spike to move on from her? She wasn’t sure.
Spike, to his credit, didn’t try to argue. He stalked away, leather trench coat billowing in the wind. He kicked a mailbox as he went and both Buffy and Tara giggled and rolled their eyes, two partners in crime celebrating a successful caper, and untangled the pretzel that their arms had become.
“Thanks, Tara,” Buffy said before suddenly looking down as she seemed to be hit by a wave of embarrassment, “And sorry for the pouncing on you.”
“No, no,” Tara replied quickly, possibly too quickly, “Sorry for telling him we were together, for assuming that would be alright. I just couldn’t think of another way to get him to leave us alone. You did want him to leave us alone, right?”
“I’m glad you did it, seriously. I just wonder…” Buffy trailed off awkwardly.
“What is it?” Tara hoped she hadn’t done something to upset Buffy, the last thing that she wanted was to make Buffy uncomfortable.
“It’s just…” Tara waited patiently as Buffy looked for the right words, “Well, Spike isn’t one to give up quickly. We’ll probably have to keep up the ruse for a while, until he gets it into his thick skull that I’m done with him.”
Tara felt like doing somersaults, for some reason the concept of pretending to be Buffy’s girlfriend for the time being filled her with indescribable levels of joy. It was because she was helping a friend, it always felt good to help a friend, that had to be it. There was definitely no other reason.
“I can do that. I-If that’s what you need. For as long as you need,” Tara smiled, eyes crinkling, she was doing her very best not to seem too eager.
Buffy grinned and tucked Tara’s hair behind her ear, it had clearly gotten messed up during all of the kissing, and the two of them continued their patrol together. They chatted about anything and everything, and the gap between them was smaller than it had been before. Tara found herself looking forward to the next time they ran into Spike, a nuisance though he could be. Maybe Buffy and Tara would be able to share another kiss sooner rather than later.