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Goetic Monikers

Summary:

[RUSSIA]
Which proves my point, that all of his knightly orders knew very well that the represented Sancta Sedes' was not human, in the traditional sense. Even the dead represented Civitas Ordinis Theutonici, who you can only see due to that artificial soul I gave her, confirmed of this. What more is there to lie about, Aroldo, that the one you serve was once known as the Ruling Angel of the Barim? (Pause) Aroldo?

[ORDER OF MALTA]
Does he know, that you know of his identity? Ah, don't answer. I know he does. He wouldn't have authorised my meeting with you if not for that. (Pause) Yes, the Vatican City was once an angel.

(Or, Russia talks about Vatican City—Oriens' peculiarity.)

Notes:

This work of fiction is crossposted on Wattpad. I do not give any permission for this to be uploaded to any other platform.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

[Click]

[RUSSIA]
Alright, let's set this clear first things first. The only thing you need to remember about what the Country Personification of the Russian Federation said about the Vatican City, is that she never said anything about the Vatican City. After all, the Russian Federation is not All of Russia, for All of Russia was the one who said such things concerning the former Papal States.

[ORDER OF MALTA]
The things you are implying are quite bold, The Merciful.

[RUSSIA]
Aroldo, just accept it. Even your dead sister acknowledges that our representative of the human pope isn't even human in the first place.

[TEUTONIC ORDER]
I can't believe I have to agree with what this woman is saying about him.

[ORDER OF MALTA]
Even if he is an angel—

[RUSSIA]
Was.

[ORDER OF MALTA]
Even if he was an angel— I'm sorry, was?

[RUSSIA]
And so you acknowledge that what I'm saying is true, about his non-human origins?

[ORDER OF MALTA]
I hold no reason to neither confirm nor deny.

[TEUTONIC ORDER]
Yeah, Cristoforo was an angel, way back when.

[ORDER OF MALTA]
Aloisa!

[RUSSIA]
Which proves my point, that all of his knightly orders knew very well that the represented Sancta Sedes' was not human, in the traditional sense. Even the dead represented Civitas Ordinis Theutonici, who you can only see due to that artificial soul I gave her, confirmed of this. What more is there to lie about, Aroldo, that the one you serve was once known as the Ruling Angel of the Barim? (Pause) Aroldo?

[ORDER OF MALTA]
Does he know, that you know of his identity? Ah, don't answer. I know he does. He wouldn't have authorised my meeting with you if not for that. (Pause) Yes, the Vatican City was once an angel.

[TEUTONIC ORDER]
Wow, you actually managed to make him fold to your demands.

[RUSSIA]
Rid your thoughts of the word "impossible", Luise. When it comes to persuasion, there exists endless possibilities; and in each and every one of them, I will succeed, one way or another. I also don't appreciate you lying back then. You're horrible at doing so.

(Pause)

To those listening, you might find it peculiar that I'm actually bringing someone else rather than the typical phantom guest we get. And you can expect more of this, most certainly. After all, this has been done several times in the past, and I can't be the only bard who speaks of stories now, can I? Let others share the joy I feel.

[TEUTONIC ORDER]
You mean the joy of dropping an information attack on someone and giving them a heart attack?

[RUSSIA]
Perhaps? I can't be the judge of that. Frankly, ever since Union held the position, I can count on my fingers of the amount of times any kind of information has caught me off-guard. Including the whole event with the... The Sun, but I digress.

Well, Aroldo. You must be aware of his habits of bestowing names unto people. Many titles currently held by countries were given by him, such as how Ottokar became Vanguard Prince, and the many other examples I cannot be bothered to name. And so, tell me this. What is the epithet he gave himself?

[ORDER OF MALTA]
... He gave himself the name Oriens.

[RUSSIA]
A peculiar name, really. I can only wonder why he would ever give himself such an epithet. Luise?

[TEUTONIC ORDER]
What?

[RUSSIA]
What were you called by Martino?

[TEUTONIC ORDER]
Why the hell are you calling him Martino? Like, okay, I get that that's actually his name, but everyone calls him Cristoforo, you know. Hey, no! Don't look at me with that stare. I didn't do or say anything wrong. I was just... ugh, fine. Just stop staring at me that way.

[RUSSIA]
I am not staring at you that way.

[TEUTONIC ORDER]
Well then who— oh. Of course it's that demon.

[RUSSIA]
I feel that only I am allowed to call it a demon.

[ORDER OF MALTA]
I'd rather you stop the mention of your demonic affiliate here, The Merciful.

[RUSSIA]
It's neither demonic nor is it a demon, Aroldo. Luise, care to tell me the answer to my previous question?

[TEUTONIC ORDER]
I was called Alloces.

[RUSSIA]
Peculiar choice, is that not? Though, we can't be sure with just two examples, can we? Let's see, ah, yes. Wilfried. He isn't a knightly order and/or state like how the both of you were, but he's special, isn't he?

[TEUTONIC ORDER]
Oh, Switzerland? I mean, yeah, he was basically taken in by Cristoforo when the emperor was still alive.

[RUSSIA]
Yes, your son. What's his title, Aroldo?

[ORDER OF MALTA]
... Sentinel is also known with the name Eligos.

[RUSSIA]
That's three peculiar names. And so, here's the deal breaker, yes? Aroldo, what did he deem you to be?

[ORDER OF MALTA]
I— he referred to me as Seir.

[RUSSIA]
(Chuckle) How interesting. Do any one of you know why he decided on using the names of demons from the Ars Goetia?

[ORDER OF MALTA]
I believe my answer is obvious.

[RUSSIA]
You do not, and that is a perfectly understandable thing to be unaware of, Aroldo. Allow me to explain in simple terms. The Autocrat's Righthand.

[ORDER OF MALTA]
... Ah, of course they would be why.

[RUSSIA]
Who would suspect people who have demon titles to be the representatives of what should be the all-holy, after all? I must say, it's a bit of a cliché, but if it works, I have no right to complain. After all, it has worked for the last millennia, yes?

[TEUTONIC ORDER]
I mean, yeah. Hm. Wait, how old are you again?

[RUSSIA]
And of course, Aroldo, you know how problematic that society is to us. Yes? (Hum) Seems like you do.

[TEUTONIC ORDER]
Hey! Did you just ignore my question?

[RUSSIA]
I'm twenty, Luise.

[TEUTONIC ORDER]
Your son beat the hell out of me in the mid thirteenth century. I mean how long you've been a country.

[RUSSIA]
I suppose I'll turn thirty-two in a month and a week, Luise.

[TEUTONIC ORDER]
What— you know what, whatever.

[ORDER OF MALTA]
If I may ask, The Merciful?

[RUSSIA]
Of course you may. You do not know how much I love those who question all they can, especially when directed to me.

[ORDER OF MALTA]
How did you know that he was... that?

[RUSSIA]
I was under the assumption that everyone is aware that, the one thing they shouldn't question when it comes to my information, is how I got them.

But I suppose I'll do an exception, just this one time. Not because I wish to, but the reason why I know wishes me to do so.

[ORDER OF MALTA]
I'm sorry?

[RUSSIA]
All it took was one look into his eyes, Aroldo. I know another angel when I see one.

[Click]

Notes:

Originally recorded on 21 November 2024, transcripted on 20 November 2025.