Work Text:
“Sir!” Maxwell was through his door the second after her half hearted knock, looking ready to wring his neck.
Kepler stopped typing and raised an eyebrow.
“Doctor”
“Do we have a problem?” her eyes were ablaze, posture tense, breathing quickly as though there was a fire inside burning up all her oxygen.
“Do we have… a problem?” he repeated back slowly, getting up from his chair and putting his hands behind his back. He really didn’t have a clue, people stormed into his office for so many different things.
“I’d really like to know if we do” she wasn’t even scared, just glaring daggers at him. “Preferably I’d know because you would have said it to my face!”
Ah, yeah he knew what this was about.
Kepler just continued his slow steady pace, coming around behind her to shut the door, eyes only on her. She pulled in her shoulders, his presence behind her back giving her chills. If she turned around now though she’d just be admitted to her discomfort, and somehow that would mean defeat.
He laid a hand on her neck but she quickly stepped away, not wanting to be touched.
“So how long have you been reading my field requests?” Kepler slipped his hand back in his pocket, unbothered by the rejection. Maxwell did turn around now but wasn’t willing to give him the decency of looking at least a little guilty to be caught.
“I have a filter program that runs through correspondence and picks up things that contain my name. It’s… not hacking”
“I didn’t send that email to you though, which makes it private”
“It didn’t have a security key encryption. That’s practically public”
This was a circular argument.
“You know I’m tempted to make a deal with you and say, take down your filter and I’ll explain the email. But, I just remembered I’m actually your boss! So take off your filter… that’s it!”
“And then what, sir? Apparently I’m ‘unfit for the degree of duty’ and ‘incompatible for influential field work’ What things would you like me to work on sir or is that where your grand leadership ends?” Maxwell was bristling again, finally getting to say what she’d wanted to when she walked in.
“Hmm, now that you mention it” Kepler tried to look thoughtful, really wracking his brain like it was complicated. “Nope. By all standards your performance is nominal. I think you’re even green lit for a raise this year”
“... a raise?”
“Might just be a Christmas bonus, I’ll have to check”
“You write the most scathing performance review of me I’ve ever read and then lie to my face that we’re just… fine!? Since when are you this much of a coward!?” she really wanted to push his buttons now. He could respect that.
“Oh wait, you wanted that mission assigned to you?” Kepler was beginning to have fun, over acting all of his movements. He laughed in astonishment, “Doctor Maxwell, I never pegged you for the type but if that’s your kind of thing I’m not here to yuck your yum! I’ll approve it right now!” He flashed her a grin, walking over to his desk but stopping, turning on his heel and snapping as though he’d just remembered something. “Sorry, I forget, what kind of birth control are you on?”
The question sat like roadkill at her feet. Maxwell blinked, looking at him like he’d gone insane.
“... What? I’m not- Sir, that is none of your business!”
“Ah I know, it’s a little awkward having to explain these things, but come on, we’re professionals. By the way, exactly how many sexual partners have you had? Or are you still a virgin? We should get that out of the way while we’re on the topic”
“Sir!” she put all the weight she could into her voice, arms folded over her chest, a wary but terrified look in her eye as she tried to figure out what was going on. “If you’re implying that the only way to get you to approve me for field work is to entertain you then-”
“Oh, no. Hell no” he held up a hand to stop her, realizing that instead of catching on she’d come to the wrong assumption. “No, Doctor, I’m not propositioning you. Did you read the mission summary attached to my review? Do you know what an agent-of-influence is?”
Maxwell was beginning to change from angry to guarded, watching Kepler like a hawk with her talons out as he walked over the front of his desk, leaning back against it casually.
“I know it was a tech corporation suspected of possessing some of our stolen technology. The team in charge requested me by name and said it would be an infiltration and retrieval objective.”
Kepler cleared his throat, reciting from memory.
“Doctor Alana Maxwell is requested to act as the agent-of-influence in a retrieval operation for the stolen AI-mechatronics proprietary information during an awards event hosted by yada yada yada” Kepler was quiet for a moment, watching her face for any sign of realization. “It’s sex, Alana. The term is just a flattering way to say it's a honeypot mission. I’m afraid they aren’t really asking for your brain as much as your, well, the rest of you”
Her mouth opened then shut, a mix of emotions washing over her and leaving her cheeks burning. She found something interesting on the wall to stare at instead of him. Kepler carried on explaining in the absence of her input.
“There’s not many women in the tech sphere, and of them you are by far the most…” suddenly he didn’t feel so confident voicing what should just be an objective fact, “eye catching. So I reject this request semi regularly on your behalf”
“Which is why you wrote that I was unfit for duty” she muttered, more to herself, putting the pieces together. “Because you need a reason to deny the request.”
“I personally do not like wasting your brain.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Maxwell's voice had softened now, turning velvety and warm in that way it always did after she’d teased Jacobi a little too much and wanted to apologize. It worked wonders.
By all accounts she could have a great career in espionage, but Kepler preferred her in the lab.
She could do the things no one else could do, think of the things no one had thought of yet.
But, she also just looked happy there.
“Well I didn’t anticipate you reading my emails” he laughed, genuinely finding it more amusing than annoying. He liked her a little dangerous. “Look, it clearly makes you uncomfortable having people think about you like that, so just let me worry about it. I don’t care about the stolen tech, I’m not going to let anyone make you feel like you need to sacrifice your dignity to-” his words died as Maxwell unexpectedly took a step forwards into his chest and wrapped her arms around him.
He… hadn’t expected that.
Professionally, he let one arm fall around her shoulders, holding her for the half second more before she stepped back. She clasped her hands behind her back, looking pleased to be relieved of her anger. Maybe just a little embarrassed to have assumed intentions from Kepler.
“I appreciate it, sir”
“It’s not a problem. But seriously, delete that filter and don’t ever let me catch you reading my emails again or I’ll make you do all your work on a TI-83 from now on”
“Don’t do it or don’t let you catch me?” there was a playful lilt in her voice, a sparkle in her eye.
“Maxwell-”
“Sir”
“Get back to work” she grinned, like sunshine from parting storm clouds.
“Yes sir”