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Natsuki Subaru. Son of Natsuki Kenichi and Naoko. Knight of the Half Elf Emilia. Slayer of the White Whale and Sloth. Rem's Hero. Sworn Brother of Garfiel and Otto. Vanquiser of the Great Rabbit. Hero of Preistella. Natsuki Subaru was known by many names, and many people knew about his achievements, but did someone ever know who was Natsuki Subaru?
Was he the Subaru who stayed inside his room, the one who had dejected himself to a life of a hikikomori? Or was he the Subaru who died in the slums on his first day? Or is he the current Subaru, just one in a long chain of many Subarus just waiting for the next death, when he would inevitably be replaced?
Subaru could think about such things during the night, wondering if what he was living in was real. What if this was just a doomed timeline, one where he will die Od knows how many times, and come out changed irreversibly?
Death had become an old friend of his, it came knocking on his door whenever it desired. And he could do nothing about it. Just accept it. Break down. And lose his current self.
Sometimes he wondered, could he really get rid of this cursed authority? If so, when? What if he grows old, and dies. What could happen? It scared him to think that he could return a few days back, doomed to an eternal loop.
But...will the one who comes out at last, who will have fulfilled his goals, and this cursed ability had left them...could the Subaru that do that be the same as him? Will they be the same person?
Did the Subaru who died to Elsa's blade, the one who died to the Mabeast curse, the one who Rem killed...were they him? Or were they different people? With different feelings and thoughts.
Subaru hated thinking about this. He really did. The fact that not only did his ability made it so he physically died and lost memories and connections with others, but it ensured not even his spirit of self could remain the same. Even this existence will be taken over by a better Subaru one day. Someone who succeeds in breaking the loop. He knows it's not the authority's fault. Without it, he would have died pathetically on his first day, and all his friends would be dead. Satella gave him this to protect him.
But still...he wanted to complain. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. That he was real. Natsuki Subaru, the one who is currently possessing this body was here. His thoughts, emotions, goals, ideals, flaws, his entire self...did not get erased. They were not swallowed by the abyss.
But how could he leave a proof behind? He can't use just write "Natsuki Subaru was here". In the future, no one could realise he had been replaced. They will just label it as one of his eccentric habit.
But he had to leave something behind.
Subaru looked at the diary on his desk. He picked up the quill, and thought for a moment. And started to write. Slowly.
After he finished, he simply read what he had written. A smile fell upon his face. He closed the diary, and went to bed.
The moonlight was falling on the desk, as a gentle gale blew through the window. The wind blew the cover of the diary open, revealing it's first page.
If someone was in the room, they could have read 5 beautifully written words.
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Tonight I Did Not Die.