Chapter Text
“Mom, when can I have my soulmate mark?” Little Dennis, aged 7, asks his mother who was reading him a bedtime story.
”When you turn 18, my sunshine.” His Mother runs her fingers through his hair and he hums.
“Can you tell me more about them?” He shyly asks, as he snuggles deeper into the bed. He hears his Mother chuckle and place a kiss on his forehead.
“Your soulmate is someone you are destined to be with. You will love each other, take care of each other, and be together forever and ever!” His mother exclaims very excitedly. Little Dennis looks at her with awe, his bright blue eyes twinkling at the idea.
“And the Lord gave them to us?” He asks and his mother nods.
“The Lord is kind. He gave each and every one of us the perfect person for us. And no one can tear apart soulmates, as you are bound for life with them.”
☀️
Dennis Whitaker was born under the grazing heat of the sun and in the warmth of his family, in Broken Bow, Nebraska.
His Mother used to joke that since Dennis was born on one of the hottest days that their little town had experienced, he is his Mother’s ‘sunshine’ and his Father used to think that it was a calling that Dennis was meant to be on the fields. It was what God had wanted for their family. Dennis will be the savior of his family, and he had to work for it.
Dennis was the youngest of 4, with three older brothers who used the ruse of "making him tougher" by teasing him, roughhousing and making him do additional work on the fields. His father encouraged this, believing that Dennis who was born at the peak of the sun will always find himself under the sun. There was just something to Dennis Whitaker. How he grew up slathered in mud from the farms, sun burning his skinㅡtinting it red rather than tan like his brothers, bruises that will always be normal from the work of the farm life and his brother’s tendencies, animals that treated him not too kindly even when he tried his best, and the harvest not being the kindest to his family despite routine prayers and encouragement. The sweat, sticky against his skin, is a constant reminder that no matter how much work he does, he will never live up to the expectations of his family.
His mother tended to him more. Her bright blue eyes mirrored his and that made him her favorite, seeing as the other boys took more to their Father's physique and genes; almost 6 feet tall with rugged brown hair and brown eyes. Unlike him—blond hair, 5 feet and 8 inches as of current, and bright blue eyes. He is her favorite, was her favorite. She would always have Dennis by her hip, little Dennis would grip onto his Mother's dress that always looked beautiful on her, effectively ruining the carefully ironed dress and there were various ones in her closet. Church gatherings, masses, dinners, brunches, errands; there was little Dennis, attached to his Mother's hipㅡhis Mother's sunshine.
Dennis Whitaker was born in the heat of the sun and grew up in the loving yet unfulfilled promises of his family.
Dennis spent his early years doing as he was told. His father is the head of the household. What he said, goes. Wake up at 4 in the morning, tend to the farm, help your father and brothers, eat lunch, help your mother wash the dishes, go back to the farm to help, go back inside, eat, help your mother and then retire for the day after a prayer to the Lord of how grateful you are for your life and what He has given you.
Dennis spent his weekdays with his family. Add the church to his usual routine. He watched as the adults and older kids sang songs, responded to the pastor, ate the holy body of Jesus Christ, drank the wine and said ‘Praise be to God!’ before clapping in joy as the mass ended. He watched silently as other kids mingle but his Father and Mother took great pride in the fact that Dennis was an obedient child, especially when he sees other parents trying their hardest to handle the kids. He'll be good, he'll do anything. He'll be anything.
Dennis gave away everything. He gave away all of him, as instructed, just like how each sermon of his pastor has ended.
"Come to me all who are weary and are burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28. The very verse that is etched in metal on their local church, just behind the pastor yet big enough for everyone to see. He will do anything to become the savior of his family, to maintain the sunshine of the household as his Mother had intended and preen under the praise of hard work and knowledge that made him different from his brothers.
All of that and yet, this soulmate mark proves to be the final nail in the coffin.
‘You don't believe in God, Robby?’
It appeared on his skin once he turned 18. It was spread across his back, pitched black and the font similar to the olden biblical fonts that were used in posters in his church. It was ironic, the sentence looked like, at first glance, a biblical passage yet it seemed like his soulmate was not of religious faith.
His Father grew angry, his Mother grew worried, his brothers ignored himㅡnot knowing what to do with the information. They all had hopes for him, he was smart and hard working and they had expectations for him to become a pastor, a person to lead the community once he got of age and experience.
"Don't you dare stray from faith, boy! The Lord is our savior and don't you think this is a chance for you to leave!" His Father yelled across the living room.
Dennis cowered in the living room couch, that exact same spot that he always had where he felt most comfortable yet he dreads it now as his Father continues to spew drunken sentences while his Mother placates him, clutching her necklace with a golden cross in the middle, near her heart.
He has a similar one. A necklace around his neck but instead of a cross, it was of St. Benedict. A gold necklace, stainless steel, of St. Benedict’s Medallion. It was given to him by his Mother when he had his first communion. It was said that wearing it meant protection against evil and temptation.
He never once clutched it in fear. He let it hang around his neck, a routine to put on in the morning before the day starts and a salvation when he removed it before he laid on his bed at night.
His brothers simply stared at their youngest, no ounce of empathy. That was to be expected, if they looked like their Father then they acted like their Father.
Dennis sat through the entire ordeal and not once flinched. He was no stranger to his Father's anger. He was blunt and brutal when sober but when he got angry, it was like the Lord was damning him.
The room smelt of alcohol. The first bottle was open the moment the mark was revealed. One thing led to another and his Father was yelling which echoed across the house that his Mother relentlessly catered to make a home.
"Your mate is a sinner! Your soul in itself is a sin if you have to be destined forever! And a man at that!?" His Father yelled, it was the first flinch of the night.
Dennis Whitaker, who was born in the harsh sun and grew up not knowing gentle warmth, is a sinner. And his soulmate was one too. It was only in a matter of time of knowing when Dennis will finally stray from the path that the sun has destined for him.
☀️
Dennis Whitaker, now aged 23. His eyes that mirrored his mother, now looked at the cadavers inside the anatomy laboratory in awe and fascination.
If he was deemed a sinner by his own Father, might as well journey that path, right?
Dennis had the courage to lie to his parents as his college ID states that he’s now a medical student, freshman.
Dennis had the courage to stray from the idea of marriage with a woman by kissing a boy once he got out of Nebraska and the drunken hookups that followed.
Dennis had the courage to see what was out there, outside of the harsh sun of his childhood home. Only to find the cold loneliness of the bustling city of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
His family, the community, thought that he would be finishing his theology degree hence, why they pitched in and had Dennis go to college so that he can come back and be a pastor. Who needed a pastor who was a sinner? Dennis thought to himself.
Dennis was already done with his theology major. But he wasn't done searching for answers in the most practical way possible, medicine. Might as well do so when his soulmate didn't believe in the answers that religion can offer, right?
Dennis was smart, Dennis was hardworking, and Dennis was alone. Yet he pushes that aside as he eagerly and curiously digs into the cadavers right after he prays as he wishes them happiness and peace in their afterlife. No one questioned him when he did, everyone had their own faiths to begin after all. Though, they did question when they noticed that he was willing to forgo with Sunday masses in order to catch up with his classes.
In the years of his medical training, he finds out that his soulmate mark stands perfectly in the middle of his scapulas. He has a picture of it on his phone. Pitch black with the same biblical font that rests on his back, stretching and connecting one scapula to another. How endearing, and how ironic.
His soulmate does not believe in God yet his own soulmate mark is placed neatly where hypothetical wings would reside.
Perfect wings that spread across his back, a single line, not even broken, tattooed like the savior he is, like a lifeline. As if Dennis would be his soulmate's lifeline.
Dennis remembers rolling his eyes at this realization. Yet his smile is something he cannot deny.
He was sitting in his dorm room and memorizing all the bones in the body for his upcoming Anatomy and Physiology examination. He remembers stretching and curling his back every time he points to different bones over his skin and smiling slightly when he mutters 'scapula' and caresses affectionately instead of points.
If he smiled widely when he saw the question in the test where he named the different bones at the posterior torso and confidently answered 'scapula,' then it was his own business.
☀️
Years pass by filled with no contact from his family, as if he even bothers to contact them. He avoids going home with the reason of "Helping out in the homeless shelters and soup kitchens during the holidays since the priests asked for volunteers,” which was somewhat true. The only difference was that he was not helping out, but that he was sleeping and living in them instead.
Dennis, at one point, had to make sacrifices. One of them is settling in soup kitchens and homeless shelters mainly because medical school is expensive and he has to fulfill his basic necessities in order to make sure that the money sent by his parents for his education is not wasted. Also because he’s already an MS4, on his way to start his clinical rotations in 2 months, but still has not told his parents that he’s in medical school.
That was, until now.
Dennis gets a call that changes his life.
Dennis woke up with a phone call. When you live in a homeless shelter, you tend to be a light sleeper and not even 5 seconds passes by, he is now awake and answering his phone.
”Hello?”
”Dennis,” His mother cried at the other end. “What is Pastor John saying that you’re a medical student?” She finishes with a sob.
Dennis feels cold.
Colder than the chill of the wind in Pittsburgh, colder than the showers he has to endure in the homeless shelter, colder than the way he’s being alienated by his family for the past years due to his own actions. The blood in his veins that flow through his soulmate mark go cold even if the past few years were spent in making sure that his back is always warm even if the rest of his body suffers from his own consequences.
”I—“ Dennis goes blank and he hears the glass shattering in the background, he also notices the barely concealed gasp of his mother on the phone. Dennis is speechless, the chill in his bones and the night contributing to the sensation. He wraps his other hand around and grips his shoulder, an attempt to find comfort and warmth in his soulmate mark. Even if he can’t reach it.
“Go back at this instant, boy.” He hears his father, his words slurring slightly, anger lacing his words. Of course, always drinking. Never stopping. Endless bottles of beer and whiskey that lay evidence while his mother tries her best to hide it. She will always be an accessory to the sins of his father, which makes her a sinner too.
Maybe their entire family are sinners. And Dennis is not the savior, but the key to the pandora box that finally opens. And instead of saving the family, he will be the one to ruin it.
”I can’t. And I won’t.” Dennis mutters with sheer determination in his voice, but the shivers and weakness that he feels in his bones say otherwise. Even the soulmate mark that he deems as his only comfort, he only feels more like the failure that he expected to be as he fails to warm it—a futile attempt.
Like any other attempt he has made in his life.
”Boy, you listen to me now.”
“Honey, please—“
”Shut up, Mary!”
Dennis shuts his eyes, inhaling sharply, when he hears his father speaking in that specific tone that he always directed towards him. Dennis was never good enough for the farm, he made that abundantly clear with how rough he was to him and scolded him for gripping his mother’s sundress too tight. Scolded him for improperly tending to the cattle. Scolded him for being late when it was only a minute after 4 in the morning. Scolded him when he didn’t have dinner prepared the moment his Father stepped into the house. Scolded him for being a failure instead of being a savior.
Too weak. Too fragile.
Very much evident in how the sun tainted his skin a bright red that he tried desperately covering with shame coursing through his veins, instead of the manly tanned skin that his brothers carried with pride.
“Father, I—“ Dennis tries to stand up for himself.
“Do not call me that if you won’t bother coming home and becoming a pastor.” His father hisses.
“I’m sorry.”
And he hangs up.
He knelt on the graveled floor of the parking lot behind the homeless shelter.
He used to kneel just like this during church and in his prayers. His mother used to say that kneeling meant giving your all to the Lord. You cannot walk away with your knees bent, you cannot move, you are now deemed smaller to the Lord Almighty. You knelt because you give everything to him, and you kneel because no matter what you do, you will always be inferior to the Lord who created you in his image and likeness.
Dennis doesn’t even shed a tear.
He kneels there even if his knees hurt.
He kneels even if the gravel pierces through his knees.
He kneels even if he’s not worthy of forgiveness.
He kneels even if the rosary bracelet that he wears will provide no comfort against his being.
He kneels even if the St. Benedict Medallion hanging around his neck serves no purpose to protect him from evil.
He kneels even if he freezes his body against the sheer coldness of the night.
He kneels even if the soulmate mark against his back finally feels the cold, despite how hard Dennis tries to make sure it is always warm.
Now he understands why Robby doesn’t believe in God.