Work Text:
A silly, stupid, desperate bit. That’s all it was.
Tom sat in bed, staring at the blue light of his phone. His alarm glowed on the nightstand, reading about 3:45 AM. His eyes stung, his head felt like it’d been liquified from all of the crying he’d been doing in the past weeks. A video plays in front of him, one of his own, paused on a frame of her. Molly.
Her honey blonde hair, her soft, reserved smile. Sunglasses atop her head. Sitting behind him and Jack.
Tom rubbed at his eyes, barely glancing at the time before hitting play again. His own voice was scratchy, barely audible from his shitty Iphone speakers. He prattled on, flashing between his face and the gameplay, and somewhere in the back of his head he hated it all. He’d never been a fan exactly of these less creative videos, but this one felt… Worse. Of course it did.
He blinked. Just a second. But when he opened his eyes again, the video showed Jack’s hand on his shoulder, smiling in some uncanny attempt at joke femininity. Tom could almost feel it now, his best friend’s warm palm grasping at the same place it always did. Not harsh, not desperate. Easy. Resting against his bone like it belonged there. His was the same on Jack’s shoulder. Tom blinked again, and their faces were closer. Light was fading from Jack’s eyes. He couldn’t remember who had leaned in first. Jack was looking at him. Tom hated how his face looked, like a goldfish. Like he was asking for permission. Like there was some conversation happening between them. “Hey. Is this ok? Tell me when this stops being ok. It’s just a bit. It’s just a bit.” Neither of them had known what to do. They had both kept leaning in. Pushing towards each other, slowly. Tom had felt Jack’s breath against his lips, closer than they’d probably ever been. He laughed. Like a dumbass, he’d laughed. Something small he’d learned to cut the tension. Jack looked scared. They were close. Tom barely noticed Molly’s uncertain hands pushing them apart. Jack angled away from the camera, letting the blank fear slip from his face as his eyes closed. Tom’s eyes flicked to Jack’s lips. His heartbeat was rushing in his ears, every other sound muffled by the large headphones around his ears. Molly’s hands got more insistent, pushing them further. He didn’t want that easy moment to stop. It was easy. Jack didn’t look scared anymore. He didn’t look-
Tom flicked off his phone. He set it down on the bed next to him, and snuggled down into the pillows. He wasn’t that desperate. He wasn’t that lonely. He wasn’t the kind of guy to go after his best friend, let alone another guy. Jack hadn’t thought anything of it. They hadn’t brought it up afterwards.
Tom started to cry again. He found himself crying easily nowadays. He missed something. And on top of it all, he was confused. Or not confused, exactly, just in denial. It was hard to be confused about this. About how badly he wanted another moment like that one.
He sighed. He needed to go to sleep before he wrecked his psyche with these stupid thoughts.
He felt cold.
A silly, stupid, desperate bit. That’s all it was.