Chapter 1: Scout and Demoman's BIGGGG Idea
Chapter Text
<BestScoutEver has added Commander, Dispatcher, De Moe, and many others to a Groupchat>
<BestScoutEver has renamed Groupchat to 'Insert Cool Groupchat Name'>
De Moe: LMAOAOAOAO YOU ACTUALLY DID IT OMFG
BestScoutEver: DUH!1!!1!
Commander: ?
!!H4CK3R!!: wuht the hell
Dispatcher: What is this you two?
De Moe: YOU EVEN ADDED COMMANDER AND DISPATCHER??? NAH BRO YOU CRAZY FRFR
MyCreed: ?
BestScoutEver: UMMM THIS IS LIKE- A GROUPCHAT FOR COMMUNICATION TRUST
Commander: That seems like a smart idea
Minigun guy: what is this
NegativeCelsius: Wtf
IceHammer: what is this
۫ ꣑ৎRocketz۫ ꣑ৎ: Wassup
warlock: what is this
BestScoutEver: This is the BEST Idea ive ever had!!!
TMECH: Better than diving headfirst into a horde of zombies?
BestScoutEver: We dont talk about that shhhhhhhhhh
FastGuy: Hello????
GangstaKing: Dawg you never told me about that i thought we were friends
Slasher.: what is this supposed to be
Zapzap: A groupchat!! have you never been in one??
xxLordOfDarknessxx: I havent
BestScoutEver: LMAOAOAO WHO IS THATTTT
xxLordOfDarknessxx: What do you mean
Commander: Yes, who are you
xxLordOfDarknessxx: oh
warlock: Thats necromancer
TheSilliest!: what a cringe name lmaoooo
Chapter Text
GangstaKing: @Engi(neer) Guess what
Engi(neer): What.
GangstaKing: Chicken butt
Engi(neer): I hate you.
GangstaKing: nahhhh you love me
Engi(neer): stfu
Ranger: Sibling rivalry i see
FastGuy: this is fine.
Dispatcher: Attention everyone, We will be hosting a meeting this afternoon at 3pm sharp, be at the conference room beforehand.
CIFMEITR: Permission to not attend
Commander: ...why?
CIFMEITR: I only exist once a year!
Dispatcher: Thats... not a valid excuse
IceHammer: bullshit, you let hallow punk miss out on meetings but not us???
Dispatcher: The last time she attended a meeting, she and demoman nearly blew half the building into smithereens.
IceHammer: ...fair
DEEJAY KHALED: can *I* skip the meeting?
Dispatcher: No. No one here is skipping the meeting.
DEEJAY KHALED: Awh
Slasher.: What is the meeting about?
AIRSTRIKE!!!!: Is it gonna be about the fact ive run into assassin and brawler making out like thrice this week?
BestScoutEver: WHAT
De Moe: WHAT
Yeehaw: Pardon?
BestSwordFighter: excuse me
GangstaKing: I PAID YOU TWENTY TO KEEP QUIET YOU LITTLE TRAITOR
AIRSTRIKE!!!!: oopsies?
Soldier: what
NegativeCelsius: you're telling me theyve been ACTIVELY making out????
GangstaKing: Yah but like, its no homo fam
!!H4CK3R!!: no homo doesnt do shit you fag
GangstaKing: HEY IT DOES IT MEANS IM NOT GAY
Engi(neer): I suspected it ever since he came out the womb
ICallShotgun: @MyCreed is this true
MyCreed: ....
AIRSTRIKE!!!!: THEY WERE MAKING OUT IN THE HALLWAY THE OTHER DAY WDYM YALL DIDNT SEE THAT????
Mortar Guy: I mean i saw it
themobman: Same
BestScoutEver: Goddamn how much did we miss?????
Commander: Brawler would you care to explain yourself
Dispatcher: yes i feel like i wish to hear about this
AIRSTRIKE!!!!: DONT BELIEVE HIM THAT GUY IS A FUCKING FAG!!!!!
Engi(neer): and suddenly those 'impromptu inspections' make sense.
AIRSTRIKE!!!!: THEYRE QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRR
Dispatcher: ....message understood
CIFMEITR: @ you owe me 20$
GangstaKing: YOU PLACED BETS?????
CIFMEITR: duh. Business opportunity. Also hes not the only one who owes me
GangstaKing: WHO ELSE???
CIFMEITR: Uhh lets see.... Slasher, Militant, mortar, rocketeer, and minigunner
GangstaKing: SLASHER??? YOU BET ON THIS????
Slasher.: I thought it would be funny, but now im down 20$ because you just HAD to get it on with assassin.
PYRO🔥🔥: Ill give you the money later cryo, im broke
CIFMEITR: tf
Mortar Guy: He spent his money on plushies
GangstaKing: LMAO
PYRO🔥🔥: shut it you boykisser
BestScoutEver: Actually, how many of us here are queer
CIFMEITR: me
Engi(neer): Me and brawler both
MyCreed: i mean....
PYRO🔥🔥: I guess i am?
NegativeCelsius: Me
!!H4CK3R!!: sup
AIRSTRIKE!!!!: hello
Zapzap: a
BestScoutEver: thats... a surprisingly low amount
De Moe: Caus you didnt count yourself dumbass
BestScoutEver: whut about you bro
Commander: It's almost 3pm, where are you all
Commander: Dispatcher is gonna kill me please hurry
De Moe: Fine
Notes:
skjsskjksj
Chapter 3: commander misses his wife
Summary:
Sorry for not updating yesterday gang, i got involved in a missing person's case
Chapter Text
NegativeCelsius: morning everyone
NightGuard: Mornin
Mortar Guy: good morning
GangstaKing: rise and grind everyone!!!
BestScoutEver: wtf is wrong wtih you
De Moe: wtih
GangstaKing: wtih
DEEJAY KHALED: wtih
ICallShotgun: wtih
BestScoutEver: I hope you all die on our next mission
TheSilliest!: wtih
ballingonabudget: wtih
۫ ꣑ৎRocketz۫ ꣑ৎ: you guys are walking on a tightrope of death
Zapzap: Do we have anythin important today?
BestSwordFighter: idk
IceHammer: i forgot
Slasher.: Has there been any news?
Soldier: Not as far as I know
xxLordOfDarknessxx: why have we not received any news from commander or dispatcher?
Engi(neer): Good qurstion i hacent seen any messages frpm thwm
Minigun guy: why is your spelling atrocious
Engi(neer): I buent my fuckinf hans
TMECH: She burnt her hand
Minigun guy: oh
MyCreed: isn't dispatcher at outpost 32 today?
!!H4CK3R!!: Ouh right
IceHammer: Then wut about commander
Ranger: sulking
DEEJAY KHALED: why
GangstaKing: damn hes a yearner ig
TMECH: look after that incident with dispatcher like what three months ago i dont blame him
TMECH: He's just worried
NegativeCelsius: whos gonna go check on him?
ICallShotgun: i say scout
BestScoutEver: WHY ME
!!H4CK3R!!: i vote scout
Soldier: I vote scout
xxLordOfDarknessxx: I must befall this heavy burden upon... scout
BestScoutEver: WHAT NO I DIDNT AGREE TO THIS
MyCreed: i say scout
TMECH: scout
De Moe: sorry bud... scout
PYRO🔥🔥!!!: sorry scout
Zapzap: scout
BestSwordFighter: scout.
AIRSTRIKE!!!: good luck scout
Militant: Scout it is
FastGuy: scout
BestScoutEver: WHYYYYYY
Yeehaw: good luck with that bud
BestScoutEver: fine...
<BestScoutEver has gone offline>
AIRSTRIKE!!!: i hope he doesnt get sucked into a long ass lecture
Zapzap: all we can do is pray gang
GangstaKing: good luck scout o7
like two hours later or something idk how to do timeskips
<BestScoutEver has come online>
BestScoutEver: I ended up listening to commander talk about their entire relationship god help me.
IceHammer: Damn bro
BestScoutEver: but like theyre cute yknow
AIRSTRIKE!!!: i mean yeah, they treat us like their kids
BestScoutEver: he used to take her on stargazing dates
۫ ꣑ৎRocketz۫ ꣑ৎ: thats actually adorable
TheSilliest!: actually yeah
ballingonabudget: anything else we can use as cannon fauder?
BestScoutEver: oh get this, they met because commander dropped his gun so many times during practice that dispatcher was assigned to help him
De Moe: WHAT NO THATS SO GOOD ACTUALLY
PYRO🔥🔥!!!: thats a lot of ammunition :)
!!H4CK3R!!: fuck yeah, at least we got SOMETHING out of this
ballingonabudget: thats such a funny meeting tho
BestScoutEver: theyre such an old couple lmao
Melon_Sledger on Chapter 1 Thu 27 Nov 2025 04:40AM UTC
Last Edited Thu 27 Nov 2025 04:41AM UTC
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kitkatdotty on Chapter 3 Thu 11 Dec 2025 01:23PM UTC
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