Chapter Text
Rumi had always liked routine. A schedule, a structure, a set of rules—the contents mattered less than the security of it.
Do this, get that.
Smile here, speak there.
Shake that hand, bow to that person.
Most things could be boiled down to rules.
Mathematics had been her strongest subject growing up.
It had been a somewhat bitter pill to swallow when she learned that some rules didn't apply to everyone, but she understood the basic reasoning. She had to keep her shoulders covered because she was a monster, but most people weren't, so they didn't have to. It made sense.
It still burned going down and left chalky residue inside of her throat.
When she met Mira and Zoey they tried to teach her that some rules were meant to be broken. No matter how many times she refused they never stopped inviting her when they snuck out, always coaxing, saying her name in that low whine—stretching out the last syllable comfortably like a cat in a sunny spot—that made it difficult for her to say no.
She'd agreed eventually, nearly a year after Zoey moved in, just because she wanted to spend more time with them. They'd waited for Celine to go to bed and simply slid out the front door, which wasn't nearly as dramatic as she'd expected.
("This is such a bad idea." Rumi said, plaintive, as she trotted after Mira and Zoey. The gravel of the driveway crunched underfoot, sounding louder to her ears the further they got from the hanok.
Zoey grabbed her hand with a delighted giggle. "It'll be fine! We've snuck out plenty and Celine's never noticed."
Rumi exhaled through her nose—staying near Celine was a rule for Rumi, not a rule for Mira or Zoey, so of course Celine hadn't noticed—but she let herself be grabbed and led because Zoey's hand was soft and warm and she didn't want to let go just yet.
She didn't know what the consequences would be if she got caught, but somehow that was worse and it made her chest feel tight and unpleasant. Celine would be angry, of course, but there was a persistent sort of fear sinking into her that said she'd broken a rule, something awful would happen, and it would be her fault.
She realised Mira was watching her and said, a little defensively, "What?"
Mira blinked and looked ahead, shoving her hands into the pockets of her jacket roughly. "Nothing. Just glad you finally joined us."
Something warm settled against her even against the chill of the night air and Rumi found herself ducking her head down to her shoulders to hide how that warmth crept up to her ears.
She just wished the demon inside of her would stop talking so much so she could enjoy it.)
She didn't know why it had started after she met Mira and Zoey—maybe being near them had just made it hungrier. It had scared her when she was younger, the way her thoughts would veer so easily to violence. It wasn't like another voice, or another personality, it was her. The thoughts slipped through the fine cracks of her mind like a draft, sidling up alongside her human thoughts and whispering against her ear.
They reminded her that it would be so easy for her to hurt people. They reminded her how much stronger she was than a human, that she knew how to cause damage, that if she squeezed Zoey's hand just right she'd be able to break her fingers and the only things stopping her were the rules she followed and her own self-control.
Some days they reminded her how easy it would be to hurt herself, and she preferred those days. At least she was someone who deserved the pain.
("Is this really all you do when you sneak out?" Rumi asked, running her fingers through the cool grass and plucking out blades of it idly. It wasn't that she was having a bad time—on the contrary, she was enjoying herself immensely—but she'd expected the rule-breaking to be for something… more.
Zoey flopped down next to her. "I mean, it's not like there's any parties to sneak out to here."
It was a fair point. She sprinkled some grass over Zoey's face and giggled at the way she spluttered and rolled away, whining her name sulkily.
Mira chuckled, too. "We usually just walk to the town."
Rumi tilted her head. They hadn't gotten anywhere near the town—which she was grateful for, since the further they got the tighter her anxiety coiled—because once they got to the end of the drive Mira had suddenly redirected them towards the treeline and they'd ended up circling the hanok and sitting in a clearing to stargaze.
"Baby steps for baby's first rule break." Mira teased. Rumi snorted in response.
Leaves rustled around them in the breeze and Rumi tucked her arms inwards towards her chest, breathing in the crisp scent of the night and letting it settle in her lungs. Mira's eyes were still on her, but it wasn't the sort of stare from earlier that raised her hackles. It was something softer and warmer.
After a few moments Mira spoke again. "Are you having fun?"
Rumi looked up at the stars far above them, whirls of hydrogen that had died hundreds of years ago but still lit up the night sky anyway, and found herself smiling and saying, "Yeah, I am."
Zoey, apparently already having forgiven her for the grass, rested her head in her lap. "We'll make a rebel out of you yet."
Any worry Rumi had was forgotten completely the moment she looked down at the constellation of freckles over Zoey's nose and cheeks. Zoey caught her expression and made a questioning sound in her throat, eyes big and friendly and curious, and Rumi looked away as casually as she could.
Her eyes landed on Mira, lounged out in the grass, long legs stretched out in front of her as she propped herself up on an elbow. Silvery moonlight glinted off the thin frame of her glasses and her sharp cheekbones and illuminated the soft expression on her face as she watched them both.
Rumi wondered, later, if Mira had looked up at the sky even once.)
She'd felt so relaxed listening to Zoey talk about the stars that she hadn't even thought about the amount of rules she'd broken until she was lying in bed, and then the panic hit her all at once. It started at the base of her neck and traveled up and down her spinal cord. She'd broken so many rules. A slow, oily dread dripped through her ribs, and she'd spent almost an hour telling herself things would be okay. She wasn't sure why at the time—still wasn't sure now—but she'd done it in sets of three.
Mira's okay. Mira's okay. Mira's okay.
Zoey's okay. Zoey's okay. Zoey's okay.
You're okay. You're okay. You're okay.
Three was a safe number—sturdy, like a pyramid.
She'd stumbled over the thoughts a few times and had to start again, and by the time she'd gotten it right she was drifting off to sleep.
Celine never found out about it, so obviously it worked, and she did it whenever she broke a rule after that. Sometimes it didn’t work, but those must have been the times she got it wrong. Like everything Rumi did, it had to be perfect.
She'd broken every single one of Celine's major rules in the past three months, so it had been on her mind lately.
Firstly, she'd let people see her patterns. That was the big rule, and the consequences of that had been immediate and agonising. She'd always known she was capable of hurting those she loved, but she'd never even considered that they could hurt her in turn. She'd had to face that truth with all of the most important people in her life in quick succession—first with Mira and Zoey raising their weapons, then with Celine lowering Rumi's.
Secondly, she'd been openly afraid in front of thousands of people, which had to count for 'letting her faults and fears being seen'. That, too, had been harrowing. She'd been able to feel every set of eyes on her, peeling back layers of skin and muscle until she was just exposed bone wrapped in ribbons soaked with shame.
Third, she'd let Mira and Zoey close. She'd let them very close, actually. Extremely close.
She'd thought it was just Zoey being Zoey when she said she wanted to kiss her, but then she'd made it very clear she was being serious. She'd made it clear a few times. And then Mira had made it clear that she, too, wanted to kiss her.
They'd been dating for two months now, and so far there hadn't been any consequences for that particular broken rule. She hoped it was because the spirit of the rule was to prevent them from seeing her patterns, and she'd only let them that close after they already knew. It was a bit of a loophole, but she'd take it.
Loopholes were useful.
For example, if she was so tired she fell to sleep before she could think the right thoughts then she'd only accidentally broke her rules, so it wasn't her fault and she probably wouldn't be punished. She did it sparingly when she was younger—pushing herself until her body was heavy and clumsy and her brain was pleasantly foggy with exhaustion—but as the pressure and weight of expectations started to build she found herself doing it more often.
In the run up to releasing Golden she could count on her hands the nights she'd gone to bed with enough energy to pry her thoughts and the demon's apart.
Maybe that was why it had all gone so fucking wrong.
Or maybe it was just bad luck.
She counted to three anyway.
Things had been better, but they hadn't been perfect. She thought once the honmoon was sealed it'd shut the demon up too, but it didn't. It hadn't gotten worse either, but it remained as constant a companion as her heartbeat—most of the time she wasn't consciously aware of it, but it was always there, always would be there, because it turned out stopping one meant stopping the other. She'd tried that, too, at the foot of the tree. Celine had told her no, and despite everything, Celine's rules still felt safe.
She'd told Mira and Zoey about what happened at the tree a few weeks later, and then it was one of their rules for her as well. She had to stay alive, and tell them if she stopped wanting to. She stuck to it. They'd given her ample reason to live, and their rules felt safe too.
Still, she didn't tell them about the demon's urges. If she told them, they'd be afraid of her. Only a monster would think about how easily her teeth could break skin, how easy it would be for her to hurt them when they were vulnerable.
She especially didn't tell them about the ones about herself, the ones that told her to take a step into empty air and let the ground meet her, or wondered what it would feel like to pull out a vein. Those urges had made a sick sort of sense when she was younger, but she didn't agree with them now, and now they frightened her.
She was scared she'd slip up and break her promises to Mira and Zoey. She couldn't explain that she'd meant it when she said she didn't want to die anymore, it was just the demon part of her that rallied against her desires.
Some weeks were better than others. She rarely went more than a day without it happening, but not every urge was as awful. Some urges left her gasping and trembling at the knowledge that some part of her must have wanted that for her to even think it, but sometimes they were only dangerous, not deadly. Things she could brush off with enough willpower, that she could ignore if she distracted herself quickly enough.
Half way through the hiatus she'd run out of things she could do to wear herself out, especially because Mira and Zoey were making a concerted effort to stop her from exhausting herself. It was sweet of them, but they didn't understand that it was the only way she could sleep some nights.
Like tonight. She'd had the urge to hurt herself—badly—and now she needed to cleanse the thought from her mind so she wouldn't unthinkingly act on it. She never had before, but she'd been experiencing a lot of firsts lately.
Mira's okay. Mira's okay. Mira's okay.
Zoey's okay. Zoey's okay. You're-
Wrong. She started again.
Mira's okay. Mira's okay. Mira's okay.
Zoey's okay. Zoey's okay. Zoey's okay.
Still wrong. Just a little off.
She opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling of her bedroom for a moment. It was fine, it was fine, she just needed to take a breath to steady herself and start again. It'd be easier if she'd done more today, and she immediately felt guilty for thinking it. She didn't like implying that any day spent lounging around the penthouse with Mira and Zoey had been spent badly even in her mind. She'd had a wonderful day.
They'd woken late in the morning still tangled from the night before, skin against skin, legs thrown over hips and arms curled around waists. The original plan was to go out somewhere, but it had turned into a lazy day on the couch watching bad movies, and then while they were cooking she thought about hurting herself—something she didn't want to do anymore—and if Zoey hadn't appeared at her side, suddenly filled with the urge to hand-feed her grapes, she might have spiraled.
Maybe she'd just delayed it.
She started again.
Mira's okay. Mira's okay. Mira's okay.
Zoey’s okay. Zoey's okay. Zoey's okay.
You're okay. You're okay. You're okay.
It just didn't feel right—didn't feel like she meant it enough. Her mind kept drifting restlessly and she couldn't focus on the words, on what she wanted them to mean.
She took an unsteady breath and started again.
Mira's okay. Mira's okay. Mira's-
"Rumi?" Mira asked gently, propping her chin on her fist as she looked down at her, hair falling over her shoulder and tickling Rumi's collarbone. "You okay?"
There was a soft thump as Zoey put her phone on the bed before she rolled over to look at her as well.
She wasn't okay. She was pissed off with herself. It was a simple thing to do, and she was struggling with it, and she'd promised to be more honest with them but this was just-… it was just weird. It wasn't dangerous.
"Yeah." Rumi said on instinct. She grimaced at the easy lie. "Got in my head a bit, sorry."
"Wanna talk about it?" Zoey asked
Rumi thought through her options carefully and reached for another half truth. "Just a little antsy, I think?"
Zoey hummed and kissed Rumi's cheek. It took her a moment to get her thoughts back underneath her. The relationship was still relatively new and any kisses at all knocked sense out the window and replaced it with how badly she wanted to keep kissing them, but more than that, Zoey had kissed a pattern. If kisses knocked all sense out then kisses on her patterns shut down her brain entirely.
Mira chuckled. "Well, that's one way to stop her from overthinking."
"…Shut up." Rumi mumbled, pushing Mira's shoulder gently. Instead of moving with it like she expected, Mira took hold of Rumi's wrist and, without breaking eye contact, pulled it up to her mouth slowly, gently, and pressed her lips to her inner wrist.
It was gestures like that—soft, chaste, and deeply loving—that made Rumi blush the hardest. She could feel the heat crawling up her chest and neck.
Mira pressed another kiss higher up on her arm, and then another, lips lingering longer on each kiss, trailing until she was nearly at the crook of her elbow and Rumi was giggling lightly.
"Love you." Mira said, breath fanning across Rumi's skin. That was something else she was still getting used to. They'd always said they loved each other before, but now it had a weight to it—not a bad weight, it was a weight that lay on her chest like a purring cat.
Rumi pulled her arm back slightly so she could cup Mira's jaw and pulled her into a brief kiss. "Love you too."
And then, because she liked to keep things even, she turned to Zoey and gave her a kiss as well. "And you."
Zoey hummed, pleased, and pressed her lips back to Rumi's, a hand trailing up to the side of her neck and staying there, not applying any pressure, just holding lightly. It made Rumi's heart beat faster anyway.
"Can't turn your brain off, huh?" Zoey murmured against Rumi's mouth. "Maybe we can help with that."
Rumi suppressed a shudder—god, did she want them to turn her brain off—so she could sound at least a little composed when she responded. "I don't know, can you?"
Mira laughed next to her, soft and silky and dangerous. It sent a spark of heat from Rumi's chest to her toes. Their relationship may have still been relatively new, but they'd already figured each other out well enough for Rumi to know that laugh was a promise. She could feel Mira's fingers trailing lightly over her stomach, making her muscles twitch in response.
"Guess we'll find out." Zoey whispered, and then they were kissing again. It was a slow, lazy thing, soft and sweet but laced with intent. They were in no rush, they had no plans for the next day, and the knowledge that they could spend as long as they wanted here settled some of Rumi's bubbling anxiety. It wasn't just because she liked it—though she could've happily spent the rest of her life as physically entwined with them as she always had been emotionally—but because the longer she stayed awake the more she could avoid her thoughts.
She pressed her teeth to Zoey's lower lip gently and licked into her mouth, exhaling shakily through her nose and bringing a hand up to cup her jaw, palm sliding back so she could thread her fingers into the loose hair framing her face.
Mira's breath fanned across her neck—the side Zoey wasn't touching—and then Mira's soft lips were against her skin, trailing closed mouth kisses from her neck up to the corner of her jaw. She wished she'd bite, leave a mark, give her something she'd see every time she looked in the mirror so she could remember the way her mouth felt against her, but they'd agreed to not leave marks anywhere visible before a tour. When Mira's lips brushed against a pattern it made Rumi shiver pleasantly, stoking the heat at her center.
She wasn't sure if her patterns were actually more sensitive or if it was just the knowledge that Mira and Zoey saw what she was and wanted to touch her anyway.
She wondered what it would feel like to cut them out.
Rumi gasped into Zoey's mouth and tried to focus her mind back on the sensations around her, the needy heat of Zoey against her mouth, the teasing pleasure of Mira's lips as they ghosted over her skin, the heat of her breath against her neck. She wanted—needed—more of them.
Zoey pulled her lower lip between her teeth and Rumi gasped again, more pleasantly this time, when the bed dipped as Zoey slotted her thigh between Rumi's. She tried to keep her hips still, she did, but she couldn't help the way she pressed down against the solid warmth and, judging by the way Zoey's lips curled, she hadn't been subtle about it.
Instead of commenting like Rumi expected, Zoey pushed her thigh harder to Rumi's core. She knew she'd whined, but instead of rolling her hips she pushed herself further against the bed. She needed them to make her whimper and beg, to fuck her so good she stopped fucking thinking, and that meant making them work for it, making them wrestle control from her so firmly that she'd do anything they asked. It shutting her demon up wasn't the only reason she liked it, but it was certainly an added bonus.
She'd been denying herself things her whole life, she could deny herself a little longer tonight.
Mira hummed—a sound close to approving, just underneath the mocking lilt of it—and then she was dragging her tongue from the crook of her neck up to the corner of her jaw, a searingly hot strip of pleasure that shot straight down to her core and made her buck her hips involuntarily, her body seeking the friction without her brain's input. Zoey laughed meanly against her mouth.
"Always putting up a fight." Mira said as she kissed back down Rumi's neck and to her collarbones. Rumi tensed in anticipation as she got closer to places she was allowed to bite and scratch, and was almost disappointed when Mira instead continued to only give her the lightest of kisses. It was a sharp contrast to the rough way Zoey's kiss deepened, turning almost bruising as Zoey took control, and the dual sensations sent warmth through her.
It turned cold when Mira's twisted her fingers into the hem of Rumi's shirt and pulled it up slowly, teasingly. It wasn't her fault. Rumi had kept what happened on stage during Takedown a secret, and they loved her enough to follow her request for them to not watch any clips they found. Mira didn't know the way hands tugging at her shirt sent her mind stumbling back to that night, and she wanted to keep it that way. If they didn't know, she could pretend it was just a nightmare, another threat the demon whispered to her when she let her guard down. Looking at the problem made it real, and if it was real she had to face it.
She rolled her hips against Zoey's thigh, running from the memories and chasing the friction. One of the many things she loved about Zoey was how she didn't deny herself anything during sex. She'd ask and beg, take and give, see and be seen, so she wasn't surprised that when she lifted her leg up Zoey immediately ground down against her bare leg with a breathy laugh. Even through Zoey's layers she could feel the warmth coming off her, and it transferred itself straight to the apex of Rumi's thighs.
"Fuck, you are needy." Zoey gasped out, and then their lips crashed together again. Mira's hands trailed up her torso so lightly she could barely even feel it, and then a warm hand was cupping her breast and squeezing hard enough to make Rumi whine into Zoey's mouth. The hand was quickly replaced by lips against the swell of her breast, then teeth as Mira sucked at the skin. The tension inside Rumi snapped and hooked her free hand around Mira's head, fisting her fingers into her hair and holding her in place.
If she dug her nails in harder she could draw blood.
Mira liked her doing this. She knew she did. But-…
She reluctantly loosened her grip and felt Mira's disapproving hum vibrate through her chest. She tried not to let guilt follow in its wake. Her attention was snatched back when Mira bit at the side of her breast, hard enough that she knew it'd leave a mark for her to admire. If it hadn't made her moan she might've done something embarrassing, like whimper out a 'thank you'.
Mira pulled back just enough to say, "Let me hear her, Zoey."
Zoey broke the kiss with a delighted, breathy laugh. Rumi tried to chase her lips, but Zoey leant back and dragged her thigh up Rumi's core, sending sparks of heat that exploded into fireworks of pleasure when Mira wrapped her lips around her nipple and flicked her tongue over it eagerly. Rumi dropped her head back, arching up to meet Mira's mouth with a low, gasping moan, and then Zoey struck, licking and biting at her neck. She trusted she wouldn't leave marks, but she also didn't really care if she did right now.
Mira pulled away and, at Rumi's needy whine, pressed a hand to her cheek and said, "I'll be right back. You just stay put."
As if she needed telling. She would've watched Mira leave the room regardless, but with Zoey's mouth against her neck it wasn't a choice she had to make. She pushed at Zoey's shoulder lightly and Zoey acquiesced, sitting up and bracing her hands on Rumi's waist. She knew she must've looked wrecked by the way Zoey's swollen lips quirked up into a smile.
"Still thinking?" Zoey asked, still rolling her hips slowly against Rumi's thigh, matching Rumi's own pace.
Rumi exhaled a laugh. "Need to work harder than that."
Before Zoey could say anything, Rumi grabbed the fabric of her shirt where it was bunched up over her breasts and pulled it the rest of the way off—because that was safer—then grabbed at Zoey's shirt to do the same. Zoey took the hint and scrambled to pull her shorts and underwear off, tossing them aside before she hooked her thumbs into Rumi's shorts. She paused for a second, but Rumi didn't wait for her to ask permission. Instead she lifted her hips encouragingly, and then there was no more barrier between the two of them.
She took hold of Zoey's hips and pulled her down onto her thigh firmly and—fuck—she was so wet. Zoey fell forwards and braced her arms either side of Rumi's waist, grinding down with steady rolls of her hips, spreading a warm, slick wetness across Rumi's skin with each movement. Rumi bucked her hips against nothing and made a frustrated sound in her throat. Zoey hadn't put her leg back where it was.
"Zoey-" Rumi started.
"Nuh-uh." Zoey teased, her breaths coming out harsher as she dragged herself across Rumi's skin. "Be a good girl and wait."
Rumi felt the words in her core and bucked her hips again. Rumi was still learning what she was into, but that particular discovery had been made very early on. It didn't stop Rumi from pushing her hips down, trying to get anything to relieve the pressure.
Zoey laughed meanly. "Keep doing that and I'll tell Mira."
Rumi's hips stilled at the threat, but Zoey's only got faster, sliding over her thigh needily as she moaned. It was just a touch performative, and Rumi almost hated how much it worked on her. Every sound Zoey made went straight to her already soaked core, and the sight of her using Rumi, shamelessly rutting against her like a dog, the sound of how wet she was, softened the edges of Rumi's mind.
Her own desire shifted from herself to making Zoey feel as good as possible.
She slid a hand down from Zoey's hip and lowered her leg a fraction—Zoey whined at it, but she'd forgive her in a second—so she could slide her hand between them and slip two fingers inside. There wasn't any resistance, she was soaked. Her walls tightened around her immediately and her moans shifted from performative to genuine. It was a small shift, but Rumi knew the difference.
"Fuck, Rumi- god-" Zoey whined. Rumi kept her fingers where they were. Each roll of Zoey's hips spread her arousal across Rumi's palm, and when she pressed her wet palm against Zoey's clit she curled her fingers inside of her simultaneously. Zoey threw her head back, and, god, the sounds she made, gasps and whines and moans falling from her tongue as set her own pace with her grinding, rocking against Rumi's fingers with a feral sort of desperation that only came from being close.
"Rumi, Rumi- feels so- so good- you're so fucking good-" Zoey said between all the other sounds she was making. "Letting me- fuck- don't move-"
She hadn't needed the warning, or the instruction. She could feel the way Zoey's walls fluttered and tightened.
"Come for me." Rumi breathed.
"Oh god, Rumi, fuck- I-" Zoey stammered through her panting breaths.
Zoey's body stilled as her orgasm hit her, hips stuttering as she rode it out on Rumi's fingers. When Zoey's moans turned into breathless laughs she withdrew her fingers, and something warm and pleasant spread through her chest at the sight of Zoey so thoroughly undone, face flushed, neck glistening with sweat, dopey and blissed-out smile on her face.
"Thanks for the show." Mira said, voice low and thick with desire. Rumi hadn't noticed her returning and, by the way Zoey blinked blearily through the pleasant haze of her orgasm, neither did she.
"You're welcome." Zoey said, flopping onto Rumi's side. Rumi lifted her hand to look at the slick wetness on her fingers instead of responding. Just as she was about to lower them to her mouth Mira crossed the room and snatched her wrist, and before Rumi could even register it'd happened she was taking Rumi's fingers in her mouth, pressing her tongue against them and humming at the taste. She heard the sound of something being placed on the bedside table.
Rumi was suddenly very aware of the heat between her thighs again, and then she was very aware that Mira was completely naked aside from the strap. She exhaled with a soft, "Fuck."
Mira lapped at her fingers languidly, savouring the way Zoey tasted on Rumi's fingers as she cleaned them. The sight—and sensation, because Mira's tongue was skilled—made Rumi tremble.
Mira released her wrist and Rumi slid her fingers from her mouth.
"You taste so good." Mira murmured, as if she hadn't intended for them to hear.
Zoey giggled in response. "You've only got to ask if you want a taste. I know how much you love it."
It was true. Mira may not have liked receiving, but she loved giving. Rumi understood, sometimes. Being touched could be a lot, but there was a warm satisfaction in making someone feel good. If the demon hadn't been so loud today, she might've been satisfied just from giving to Zoey.
"Maybe later," Mira said as she knelt on the bed next to Rumi and, without warning, pressed her palm to her clit. Rumi immediately rolled her hips, gasping out a whine at the sudden sensation that turned into something closer to a moan when Mira dragged her fingers up through her folds. She probably could've come from that alone with how worked up she'd gotten, but the pressure was gone as quickly as it had arrived.
"You look like you're still thinking." Mira crooned, inspecting the wetness on her fingers. "Was Zoey being selfish?"
Rumi whimpered in response.
Zoey snorted. "I was making her wait for you. You should say thanks."
Mira leaned over Rumi to kiss Zoey gently and said, voice low, "Thank you. I'll make Rumi say it, too," and then she made eye contact with Rumi. "But I'll make her beg first."
It made Rumi shudder in anticipation. Sex with Mira and Zoey wasn't always like this. Most of the time it was soft and gentle, filled with giggles, but that didn't work for making Rumi stop thinking. She needed to be pushed and pushed and pushed until the only thoughts she could form were Zoey and Mira's names. It was lucky, then, that all three of them liked doing this too.
She hadn't really told them that in words, but they were so familiar with each other that they seemed to just know, and they trusted each other to tap out if somehow they guessed wrong.
It was a system Mira had enforced when Zoey asked her to get rougher, and so far it had been exceptionally useful. She liked the security of having such strict rules to rely on in a space that was otherwise completely free of them—aside from the the orders they gave each other. She'd only used it once, when she'd felt the edges of a panic attack crawling through her alongside the pleasure. She was proud of herself for noticing it, and they were proud of her for saying it.
Instead of settling between Rumi's trembling legs or pulling her onto her hands and knees like she expected, Mira sat against the headboard next to her. Rumi furrowed her brow lightly. Zoey caught on before she did and laughed.
"C'mere." Mira said, tapping her own thigh.
Oh.
Rumi sat up slowly, feeling a little boneless even though they'd barely touched her, and Zoey reached out to hold her elbow as she moved to straddle Mira's lap, jolting a little at the light pressure of the base of the dildo against her clit.
"Since you've got so much energy," Mira said, tone steady and light as she took the lube from the bedside table and applied a liberal amount to the toy, "Why don't you ride me?"
Rumi swallowed thickly. She was only aware of the small movement of her hips when Mira put her hands on them.
"You can say no." Mira said, suddenly soft and serious, stroking her hips soothingly with her thumbs. "We can do something else."
Rumi laughed lightly and shook her head. "No, I want to. Just-… gentle? To start with?"
She liked it rough, but going too rough too fast brought back memories of-
Mira leaned forwards and kissed her, then said, amused, "You're setting the pace, pretty girl."
Rumi blinked. Her brain was struggling to keep up, becoming more blissfully foggy by the minute. "Oh, right- yes."
Zoey's hand was back on her elbow as she lifted herself up, which was kind of her. She braced herself with a hand on Mira's collarbone and reached down between them with the other, lining the blunt tip of the toy with her entrance.
"Deep breaths." Zoey said softly. Rumi didn't even realise she'd been holding her breath, but exhaled at the instruction and slowly lowered herself onto Mira. Between the lube and her own arousal it went in easily and she let out another shuddering breath, lowering herself in increments so she could adjust to the feeling of fullness—it wasn't an especially large toy, but it was enough for her to feel the stretch—until it hilted inside of her.
"Good girl." Mira said, pupils so dilated Rumi could barely see the browns of her irises. Mira liked how they looked when they rode her, and knowing just how much Mira liked it was unfathomably hot to her. Zoey's hand slid from her elbow and she tried to look to see where she was going, but-
"No. Look at me." Mira said firmly.
Rumi's eyes snapped back to Mira's immediately. Mira tugged her hips lightly, as if reminding her that she had to start this, and Rumi raised herself up slowly, then sank back down with a slow roll of her hips. Her free hand joined the other on Mira's chest, using her as support as she repeated the motion, picking up her pace until her thighs started to hurt from the exertion. Each movement sent bolts of pleasure around her body, and she could angle herself just right to-
"Tell me when you're close." Mira said.
Rumi paused. Mira only told her to do that when-…
"Mira." Rumi whined. The knowledge of Mira's intentions made her skip several steps of pleasure, a slow build suddenly bursting into a rapid ascent that she chased eagerly, her thighs slapping against Mira's hips with the desperation of her movements.
"Look at how well she takes you, Mira." Zoey said somewhere off to Rumi's side.
Distantly Rumi was aware that it didn't matter how fast she got there, because Mira was going to tell her to stop, but, also, she was in control, wasn't she? She could, she could-
Her mouth betrayed her, even as she chased her pleasure. "C-close."
Mira pulled her down and held her hips, her grip strong and firm enough that she couldn't even try and grind against her. Rumi whimpered mournfully as the pleasure was ripped away from her. It had been right there but…
But Rumi wanted this. Mira and Zoey wouldn't tease her if she didn't love it just as much as they did. She took a shaky breath to steady herself, dropping her chin down to her chest, embarrassed to be seen looking so needy.
An arm wrapped around her shoulder and her head was lifted by a forceful hand on her chin—Zoey's, because Mira's hadn't moved—tilting her head back up to look at Mira.
"I don't think you were going to stop." Mira said slowly. "Zoey?"
"I was." Rumi pleaded. She wasn't actually sure if she'd have stopped. She'd never edged herself before, and she wasn't sure she had the willpower. "I was."
In her periphery she saw Zoey shake her head. "No, I think she was being greedy."
"No, no, I-"
Zoey kissed her cheek lovingly. "Colour?"
It was more for Zoey and Mira's reassurance, really. They didn't have the same adverse reaction to Rumi pleading as they did three months ago, but they needed to hear that she was okay more often on nights like this. It was sweet. It made her feel safe enough to push for more.
"Green."
Zoey snaked her free hand down Rumi's stomach, fingers ghosting along her patterns and making her squirm.
Mira laughed, almost fond. She loosened her grip, and Rumi started moving her hips again, building herself back up to that peak of pleasure. She'd stop this time, prove to them that she could, she would.
"So pretty…" Zoey breathed, almost in awe. The joy of the praise mixed with the building pressure and amplified it and Rumi found herself moaning again, digging her nails into Mira's chest hard enough to leave indents. Even through the encroaching fog she could see the way the pain made Mira's eyes flicker and her breath catch.
It didn't take as long this time, and as soon as she whimpered that she was close she felt Mira's hands tighten as a warning and stopped herself, legs straining with the effort of not grinding against the base of the strap to snatch back the pleasure she'd just lost. She was panting now, sweat beading at her forehead and chest.
"There you go. Was that so hard?" Mira drawled.
Rumi huffed. "Yes. Let me-"
She was cut off by Zoey pulling her into a kiss, releasing her jaw and sliding her hand back around so she could lower it and rest it over Mira's at her hip. It was so all-consuming that she didn't even notice that she was rolling her hips. The angle was a little awkward to get pressure on her clit, but the sensation of being so full made even the slightest contact feel like lightning in her veins. She hadn't even been trying to get off this time, but she was so worked up, so sensitive from the denial, that the pleasure built rapidly.
She had to break the kiss to whimper out another "Close, close-"
This time it was Zoey's hands that moved her, lifting her up just enough that she couldn't grind down anymore.
"So desperate I don't even have to fuck you. I wonder if you need to be touched at all." Mira mused.
"I think she could come just from clenching around you." Zoey said, her voice dangerously curious.
The words were spilling from Rumi's mouth before she even registered it.
"Please, please don't- I need you to touch me, please-" Rumi whined.
"Zoey, help her off me." Mira said, and Rumi could've sobbed at it. Her mind was too fuzzy for her to understand why, lost to the cycle of building and losing pleasure, not able to fully come down from it before she was making the climb again. She whimpered when Zoey pulled her up off the strap and laid her down on the bed and propped herself up on an elbow next to her.
Then Mira was settling between her legs and the sound that came out of Rumi next was one of relief.
"Aw, did you need it that badly?" Zoey teased. Rumi found herself nodding in response.
Mira lined herself back up with Rumi's entrance and, mercifully, pushed into her immediately. Rumi's hands fisted in the bedsheets and she let out a high, needy moan as Mira finally fucked into her, hard but not fast, exactly the way Rumi liked it best. The strap rubbed up against a spot inside her that made her wrap her legs around Mira's hips and tug desperately at the bedsheets beneath her.
"There, that- Mira- fuck-"
Mira slowed down just enough to make sure she had the angle right, then fucked her hard again. Words were tumbling from her mouth between the moans, Mira's name, Zoey's, a tangle of oh god, oh god, please, please. She was close again already.
"Say thank you to Zoey." Mira said, not slowing.
She'd do anything she asked if meant she didn't stop. "Thank you Zoey, thank- thank you- Mira- thank you-"
She was so close, right on the edge of getting what she wanted, it felt incredible, every nerve in her body shooting off signals of pleasure that coursed through her body and made her tingle all over.
Zoey pressed a finger to Rumi's clit and stroked her just right and suddenly her babble of 'thank you's turned into a throaty moan. Instead of tumbling over the edge, she kept climbing, the combined sensations overlapping until it was almost too much, until Rumi couldn't even make sound, until she could only arch her back and grab at whatever was closest, until all her muscles coiled tightly and-
When the orgasm crashed into her she did make sound, some kind of keening, gasping moan that made her throat hurt with the volume of it. Aftershocks of pleasure shot through her as Zoey and Mira eased her through it, not stopping completely until Rumi was limp and panting on the bed, legs still shaking.
Zoey removed her hand first, then Mira pulled out slowly. Rumi twitched at the sensation anyway.
Her mind was blissfully unaware otherwise, soft and gentle around the edges, pleasantly floaty and absent. She was vaguely aware of Mira moving away and reached out for her, but then Zoey's hand was on her wrist and she was being pulled against her chest. Zoey was saying something softly into the back of her neck, something about how she did well, and even through the fog she felt herself preen a little.
She hadn't heard Mira return, but she was gently being pulled up by two sets of hands until she was sitting, and she must have made some sort of disapproving sound because she heard Mira's light chuckle.
"Just need you to drink some water and then you can lie back down, baby." Mira said soothingly, pressing a glass into Rumi's hands. She sipped the water obediently and, as she often did, suddenly felt grateful for Mira's attentiveness, because the water was cold and soothing on her throat.
"Do you need anything else, Zoey? Rumi?" Mira asked. She must have given Zoey something to drink, too. Rumi shook her head in response.
"Nah, I'm good." Zoey said, and then, "Are you good?"
When Rumi stopped drinking the glass was taken from her hand and put elsewhere in the room.
"Yeah, I'm fine." Mira said. To Rumi, she added, "Want to cuddle?"
It was a stupid question. She always wanted to cuddle. She'd have a shower in the morning. If she had one now it'd wake her back up, and she wanted to let this easy comfort rock her to sleep. She lay down and shuffled back against Zoey, patting the bed in front of her.
"C'mere." Rumi croaked. Mira hummed softly, amused, and slid into bed in front of her. As soon as she stopped shifting and seemed to be comfortably lying on her back, Rumi rested her head against her shoulder and curled up against her, hooking a leg around one of Mira's and exhaling contentedly.
Behind her, Zoey wrapped an arm around her waist and tucked herself flush against her back. Rumi rested her hand on Zoey's arm, squeezing lightly, and Zoey made a tired, pleased sound in response. She could feel each soft breath against her bare skin as clearly as she could feel the steady rise and fall of Mira's chest.
Her heart settled, safe between the only two people she could trust to hold it, and her mind followed quickly after.
In that state of comfort, the thoughts came to her easily and smoothly.
Mira's okay. Mira's okay. Mira's okay.
Zoey's okay. Zoey's okay. Zoey's okay.
You're okay. You're okay. You're okay.
