Chapter Text
Violet’s POV
After her father’s death everything had changed.
They had just begun to get better after her brother was killed. But now … They weren’t even back at square one. It was worse. Her mother had become stoic in her grief. After the morning when they had discovered the death of her father she had only seen her mother shed a few silent tears at the funeral. But that was it. She had become a wall of stone. It seemed her mother had vanished completely only leaving the ruthless and cold General behind.
Actually Violet rarely saw the General either. The General never was a doting mother, but she wasn’t an absent one either. Only shortly after Brennan died. She had been absent then. After the funeral of her father Violet hadn’t seen her mother for almost one week. After a while she saw her in passing when her mother would cook a meal for Violet and leave the food on the dining table.
For almost six weeks they had only spoken a few sentences. Violet was drowning in sorrow herself and her mother just left her alone. She knew that her mother was suffering herself. Anyone who had seen her mother on the morning she had found her dead husband knew that. But still. To leave Violet alone. It made her angry. How could she leave her child alone. Mira was at the frontline in the eastern wing. Brennan was dead. Her father had been the most important person in her life and now he was dead too and Violet was all alone. And her mother couldn’t bear to even look at her.
Six weeks after her fathers death a guard told her that the General expected her in her office. Great the woman couldn’t even tell her in person.
It was then that she had been told, that she would not become a scribe. She would join the riders quadrant in about half a year. Training starting that day. Violet had raged, she had argued and she had pleaded, but nothing changed her mother’s mind.
„No child of mine is becoming a scribe!“
In the end Violet had relented. There was nothing she could do to change her mother’s mind. She would die. Just like her brother and her father had. It seemed her mother didn’t care about that. She didn’t care about anything anymore aside from Navarre and the Sorrengail name.
Two weeks after that their routine seemed to change. When Violet left her room and walked through the living room to get a few apples on her way out to training she came up short.
There was her mother sitting at the dining table. She had prepared Breakfast for Violet like she sometimes did but she seemingly hadn’t prepared anything for herself. She just held a cup in both of her hands and was staring into nothing. And the weirdest thing was that her mother just wore a bathrobe. Violet sniffed in the air. Did it smell like tea? It definitely didn’t smell like coffee in here.
Weird.
In the last seven weeks her mother never stayed for breakfast. Sure she sometimes prepared something for Violet but she had always left for her office before Violet got up at 7 am.
Her mother almost never wore bathrobes. Violet had probably seen her mother in one like five times in her whole life.
And her mother absolutely never drank tea.
„ …. Good morning?“ Violet asked slowly while sitting down before her plate.
„Good morning.“ Her mother absentmindedly said. Not even looking up from her cup of tea. Violet wanted to ask what was going on but when her mother didn’t say anything else, courage left her and she sat in silence and slowly began to eat her breakfast.
This seemed to be their new routine. Every fucking day for the next two weeks. It was fucking awkward. Her mother would just sit there. Most of the time in a bathrobe. Sometimes in her uniform. They would say good morning and Violet ate in silence. At least her mother now looked at her when she said good morning. When Violet had finished she would say something like „Major Gillstead is waiting for me.“ Then she would get up and leave their quarters. Her mother still sitting at the table with only a half drank cup of tea. When Violet would come home in the evening there would always be dinner for her on the table. But only for her. Her mother was nowhere to be seen. Even after Violet had showered and prepared for the next day her mother wouldn’t show up. Until the next morning. It was fucking weird.
Than again something changed and it wasn’t really for the better.
One morning Violet came out of her room expecting to see her mother, but she wasn’t there. There was Violet’s breakfast on the table and her mother’s cup of tea, but the woman herself was missing. Violet stood there in the living room for what felt like a few moments and when her mother didn’t show up she shrugged and sat down and ate her breakfast. „No loss there.“ She thought, „It was fucking weird anyway.“ But it stung. That was the only time she actually saw her mother. When she finished, she wanted to use the bathroom to brush her teeth, but she found it locked. So her mother hadn’t left already. She was in the bathroom the whole time. Violet knocked but there was no answer. She strained her ears and she could have sworn, that she had heard her mother throwing up. But it was over so fast, she couldn’t be sure.
A few moments later her mother opened the door stonefaced like always. „You wanted to use the bathroom.“ she stated in an almost bored voice. She passed Violet, walked into the living room and sat down with her tea.
The next morning Violet got up and when she passed the bathroom on her way she heard it quite clearly. Her mother was throwing up. Well, everyone got sick once in a while. Even a General. It seemed her mother had been in the bathroom for a while because she had diverted from her routine of preparing breakfast for Violet and tea for herself. Sighing Violent went into the kitchen and cooked a cup of ginger tea for her mother and grabbed a few apples on her way out.
The next morning was the same. Violet woke up and her mother was blocking the bathroom. Violet winced sympathetically when she walked by and heard her mother being sick. It seemed her mother had gotten it really bad. She made herself breakfast and cooked a cup of ginger tea for her mother. When she had just sat down to eat her breakfast she heard the bathroom door open and her mother walked slowly into the living room while leaning on the wall for support. Violet had never seen her lean on anything for support. Damn that stomach bug really fucked her mother up.
„Good morning.“ Violet said and pushed the cup in her mother’s direction. „It’s ginger tea. It should help with the sickness.“
Her mother’s head shot up at that and her gaze bore into Violet’s.
„Mom, it’s not as if you could hide that you’ve been sick these past few days. I mean I can hear you through the bathroom door. And to be honest. You look like shit.“
She half expected a cutting remark for her brazenness but instead her mother looked… relieved? That made no sense at all. Her mother just hummed and sat down and took the cup of tea in her hands but she didn’t drink it.
„Thank you for the tea. I’ll need a moment but it usually helps.“ She said and after a while she slowly began to sip on her tea. Then she looked up. „How is your training going Violet?“
Violet let her spoon fall into her yoghurt bowl. „Wh - what?“ Had her mother just really asked about her training? Had she shown interest? That couldn’t be.
„You heard what I said. Stupid isn’t a good look on you. Now answer the question.“ Ah there was the General.
„Good. Major Gillstead says I’m making good progress. I’m especially good with daggers.“
This routine continued for a few weeks.On one hand Violet was almost happy that her mother took the time to talk to her, look at her and ask about her day. Even if it was mostly about Violet’s training. On the other hand Violet was concerned and her concern only grew every day. Especially after one day last week when she came home after her training and her mother came in shortly after her in her uniform and without even losing her jacket went strait to the bathroom. Her mother had now been sick for a couple of weeks and it only seemed to be getting worse. She had grown even paler and it took her even longer in the morning. She still worked though. Violet wondered wha was going on. She even thought about asking her mother’s personal aide Lieutenant Flenning if she knew what was going on. But if her mother was hiding this sickness, as Violet suspected she would, and her aide didn’t know about it…. Well Violet wasn’t sure if she would survive this.
Instead Violet made her mother ginger tea every morning. It usually seemed to help.
„Usually…“ Violet thought when she was lying in bed one night worrying about her mother. Her mother had said „usually“. But that was maybe on day three of her sickness. Not enough time to establish a routine to warrant the word „usually“. She froze and thought back to the first morning her mother had sat in the living room drinking tea. Ginger tea, if she had to guess now. Her mother never drank tea before that. She hadn’t been sick for just the last weeks. Her mother had been sick for more than a month now! And that was just the time she obviously was to weak to leave for work before Violet got up. So she probably was sick for an even longer time.
That was not a stomach bug! And the relief her mothers face had shown when Violet had said that she knew her mother had been sick for the last few days. It was relief because Violet hadn’t figured out for how long her mother had been actually sick.
This was nothing that would just pass. This was something serious. Violet felt her heart racing. She started to panic. No! Her mother couldn’t be sick like that. She couldn’t lose her. Her mother was not allowed to die. Then she would be all alone. Sure they weren’t close but it was her mother. And despite everything she loved her mother. And after Brennan and Dad. She would be all alone. Mira was fighting and she would join the quadrant as an orphan or at least leave it as one without being able to really see her mother again. No no no no no no.
Violet tossed and turned all night. She couldn’t find one ounce of sleep. In the morning she decided that she had to take all her courage and ask her mother what the hell was going on. She needed to demand an answer. Wether her mother wanted to give one or not. She needed to know what she was dealing with.
So at 6:30 am she got up earlier than usual and when she passed the bathroom she heard… well … what she had been hearing every morning for the past few weeks. She prepared breakfast for herself and a cup of tea for her mother. She felt so fucking sick herself now, so she made herself a cup of tea as well. But when she sat down she couldn’t bring herself to eat or drink anything. She was to nervous. So she sat and waited for her mother to come out. Did it always take so long?
After what felt like an eternity her mother finally came out of the bathroom and shuffled weakly to her chair at the table. Before she sat down she noticed her daughter staring. She cocked her head to the side like always when she tried to figure Violet out but couldn’t come up with a conclusion.
„Violet? Is everything alright with you?“
„With me?! I should ask you the same question! How long has this been going on? And what the hell is wrong?“ Violet burst out.
Her mother didn’t answer at first. She just looked Violet thoughtfully. Then she sat down.
„Alright. I guess we should talk. I would have told you soon anyway. You deserve to know and I wouldn’t have been able to hide it much longer.“
That did absolutely nothing to calm Violet‘s anxiety.
„No mom, please tell me you aren’t leaving me as well! Not after Dad! I can’t lose you too! Please tell me there is a cure for what ever you have! Please don’t die!“
Even though she knew her mother definitely wouldn’t approve, tears shot into her eyes and she just couldn’t hold them back and she openly cried in front of her mother.
Her mother shot up and straightened in her chair and stared wide eyed at her daughter.
„No no no! I’m not dying!“ she said and her mother did something she hadn’t done since Violet was a very small child. She took Violet in her arms and held her close to her chest while rocking her and stroking her hair.
„No my little flower. I’m not leaving you. I’ll be always there for you. I’m not sick my darling.“
Violet pulled back. „Not sick? Do not lie to me. Do not insult my intelligence. You have been sick for at least five weeks. If not longer! Don’t tell me you are not sick. Tell me what it is so I can help!“
„Violet! Violet!“ her mother interrupted. „I’m not sick. I’m pregnant!“
Silence — absolute silence.