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The group of heroes from across time found themselves in Time’s era. His time was liked by everyone, as it was a time where they could rest and resupply. What most looked forward to, however, was helping out at his ranch. It brought a sense of domesticity that was uncommon to those who spent their most of time traveling and fighting, which was basically all of them.
After a morning spent working out in field, managing animals, and fixing the odd thing here and there, it was time for lunch. Per the suggestion of Time, Wild and Malon cooked up a meal that was sure to re-ignite everyone’s spirits. Most of them had started lazing around at this point, making half-hearted attempts to hide themselves from the now blazing sun. Time was not about to let that happen, however. He had to take advantage of the young men that had invaded his home. It was the least they could do after all the times they’ve caused Time trouble.
“It’s time for lunch!” Time called out from the window, raising an eyebrow at the record time everyone revived themselves and started mad dashing towards the house. He side-stepped Wind who decided now was the perfect time to practice his tackles.
“Finally!” The boy cried out in a voice meant to resemble a dying man’s, “It’s been so long…” He was a heap on the floor now, reaching his hand pathetically towards the kitchen like it was his only savior. It was quite the sight for Time, who had the smallest hint of a smile in his, most of the time, stoic face.
The others were not amused. While the kind soul here and there merely avoided him, others with much more malice in their hearts decided now was the greatest time to take out their frustration, with Wind as the victim. They stepped all over him, saying oops as they went, before yelping as the ankle-biter added yet another bullet to the list of times that proved why that was his nickname.
“Ew!” Spat Legend, struggling to release his foot from Wind’s baby grip. A sleepy Sky was right behind him, and when a badly timed elbow jerk from the veteran attempting to regain his balance hit him in the gut, both of the heroes fell over.
“What’s going on here, Time?” Asked Twilight, only now coming back from herding the animals because he was actually responsible. He snorted as he watched Wind and Legend attempt to escape from a dead-weight Sky, and in short time, fail miserably.
Time just laughed lightly, “Same as every day. Come on in, Malon made soup.”
“About time! Oh, I’m starving!” And with that, he and Time went into the kitchen together.
Around Time and Malon’s table, sitting in mismatched chairs, was the rest of the Chain. They laughed and talked as they shoved food into their faces. It had been a long time since they had eaten, after all, so all table manners were forgotten. The owners of the house led it slide just this once. It was only a short amount of time before the stragglers joined them, too, and brought their argument along with them.
“I’m telling you! I’m the fastest one here!” Wind argued like the liar he was.
“Not with those short legs you are,” Legend snorted as he took his time stealing and piling carrots onto his place.
“We’re almost the same height??? You’re only fast because of those boots,” Wind huffed as he sat down on his seat with a soup that while very yummy, would never amount to his grandma’s that he has happily gobbled down a million times.
“Yeah, and those should count, because they’re mine.” The veteran plopped down on an out of place cushion chair, because the time was now to refill his stomach.
“That doesn’t even make sense? But even so, it’s unfair!”
“Since when have you cared about fairness?”
Hyrule tilted his head and put a hand on his chin, being kind enough to waste his time humoring them, “You know… that’s actually a good question. Who is the fastest?”
“Hmm…” Four, with a violet glint in his eyes, pondered because he was a nerd, “Well, it depends on the context and what type of fast we’re talking. Swimming? Walking? Dodging? Climbing? Sprinting? Flat or rocky terrain? Wooded area? Snow? Sand? And that’s only counting without items, I’d imagine the results would differ a lot if they were included. Oh! Any injuries and health conditions would have to been taken into account, too. For starters-”
“Stop taking it so seriously,” Wild interrupted, cutting Four’s time to talk short, “Let’s just have a race!”
“Why didn’t I think of that? Wild, you’re a genius!” And with that, Wind was off, attempting to tug along an eating Legend who would not budge.
“Let’s wait until we’re finished,” Warriors said before things could go too far, because while he too was interested in seeing the results, he was hungry and he was not doing anything until he had taken his time to eat something.
“We should make it an official race!” Wind added once he was back in his spot, “with a timer! Oh, hey, Time should do that. He’s good with time!” He giggled at his own joke, which had been made many of times before and was still not funny.
“Well, that’d certainly be interesting,” Four agreed, “But shouldn’t Time be a part of it, too? To know who’s truly the fastest?”
(In the background, someone oh so kindly added, “I’d feel like he’d break his back trying to do that...”)
“It’s alright, Four. My old man bones wouldn’t agree with that, anyways.”
“But he would have won!” Malon said, because she is supportive of her partner Time.
“Fine…” Four begrudgingly agreed.
The group quickly finished eating and made their way to the field outside. After setting up the length of the race and making the rules (no sabotaging anyone,) it was now time to see who was the fasted according to the times that Time will soon time. The starting line on one end of the farm was marked with the Captain’s discarded scarf, and the finish line was marked by some random tree on the other end of the property.
“On your marks, get set, go!” Malon cheerfully initiated the race.
“Hey!” Warriors yelped, as he immediately tripped. He received an “oops” from Legend who totally didn’t do it on purpose.
“Argh!” Cried out Wild, who was blinded by his hair, as he ran into Twilight, whose own wolf cape was getting in his way.
“Eep!” Squeaked out Hyrule, barely managing to avoid the heroes on the ground in the nick of time.
“HAHAHA!” Laughed Wind, as he rushed past Sky who honestly did not have the energy to do this.
Four just cursed at the fact he was vertically challenged.
It was chaos. And unfortunately for them, chaos in this instance did not help them get the results they wanted.
“Alright, it seems like we need to run that one more time! Time, are you able to?” Malon asked her husband.
“What? But I totally won!” Complained Wind.
“Legend cheated!” The very mature Warriors announced, and the equally mature Legend stuck his tongue out at him.
“Yes, though perhaps with a bit more space between them.” Time agreed with his wife.
And so, Time and Malon planned a race for the second time, now in a spot with more room. While they did that, the racers decided now was the time to strategize in the short break they had been given. Wild put his hair up Sheikah style and went to the kitchen to make some truly unholy concoctions that would give him a speed boost. Twilight replaced his fur coat with the fur of his wolf form (“Wolfie will take over for me,” he’d said. “That’s cheating!” Many cried out.) Warriors shed off his chainmail to make himself lighter, and Wind did some very exaggerated stretching. Four and Legend prepared themselves to use their Pegasus boots, and Hyrule took the time to remember his speed enhancing spells.
All of them were prepared to give it their all in this race, now that they had seen what their enemies were capable of. Their determination was frightening, very intimidating really. Sky, who wanted nothing to do with this, sat on the ground while petting a cucco to assert dominance. Never mind, that was even more intimating!
“We’re ready now!” Malon announced. It was time for Time to play timer yet again, for the second time, “On your marks, get set, go!”
Before the others could even start, a SSSWHOOSHHH was heard as the Pegasus pair immediately activated their footwear and made their way to the finish line, the other’s preparation all for nothing.
“What the heck?!?” “DAD!! THEY’RE CHEATING!!” “I want a refund!!” “Aw man…” “Awooo!” Were the voices that rang out when the losers realized what had happened. “AHAHA!” “Wow, they really do have an effect…” Were the voices of the two winners.
Wind was a mix of emotions, angry that he defeated in such a dirty way, and happy that his point about the unfairness of the boots was proven, “See! I told you they should’ve been banned!” The others sagely with him, strangely in time with each other.
“Maybe you should just get better.” Legend sneered.
“Time! Don’t count that!” Wind demanded, instead of listening to the obvious taunt.
And so, he didn’t, and Time prepared himself to time another race for the third time, though by this time around he had lost hope that it would even amount to anything. Legend and Four were made to take off their boots, the former making it his life’s goal to point out that the others didn’t have to give up their stuff. He was ignored.
“On your marks, get set, go!” Sky called this time, because Malon had gone inside to get some water.
The group of idiots were off, jogging through the field with a fire in their hearts. Their steps rumbled like a herd of horses, and their hair whipping around madly in wind like its tails. Everything was going well. It seemed like this time, Time the timer might actually be able to time their times! Unfortunately, something must always go wrong every time they’ve tried to get their times, as halfway through the race, Legend fell and screamed a scream of pain.
“Crap, crap, crap, youch!” He gritted his teeth as he cradled his foot. A sharp rock had found its way in there. Wow! Who would have thought that running a timed race without shoes on would end badly?
Hyrule gasped, “Are you okay?” he rushed over to his predecessor, fussing over him like the mother cucco that Sky was still, after all this time, holding in his arms. Legend grumbled something about being fine and Hyrule not wasting his magic.
Since Time was not about to let any injured people run and Hyrule wasn’t going to abandon him, Legend and Hyrule were officially out of the race. The others ignored them, too focused on making the best time. They were so close… just one more stretch…!
“Honey!” Malon called out to Time, “I’ve got some snacks for the kids. Do you think I should get some sugar water for the fairies, later?”
Time, being the loving husband he is, gave his complete attention to his wife, “Thank you. I think that’s a lovely idea.” He said as he (totally, completely, 100%) missed Wolfie cross the finish line in a valiant leap, followed soon by the others.
“Time! Time! Did you get our times?” Asked Wild like an excited puppy, with Wolfie next to him actually being that.
Time focused his attention back on the others, “I’m afraid not.”
“Are you kidding me?!?” Wind’s expression was of pure despair, “One more time, Time, just one more time!”
“I think my time might be better spent if I just watched…” Four muttered to himself, still trying to get some semblance of data. It was not going well.
Time nodded and prepared himself to time a timed race for the fourth time. Four went to sit over with Sky, and the pair consisting of Legend and Hyrule ate some of the snacks that Malon brought while idly chatting with her.
“Wait a minute! Isn’t this kind of unfair?” Warriors interrupted before they could begin, “I mean, Wild has his speed boosts, and Twilight’s using Wolfie. Wind and I don’t have anything to help us. Shouldn’t we ban that like we did with the Pegasus boots?” Wind nodded eagerly beside him.
“Isn’t that a you problem, though?”
Warriors glared at Wild, happy to put the time he spent managing his soldiers into use. Time intervened before a very intimidated Champion even had the chance to fight back. He nodded at Warriors and sent Wolfie on his merry way to collect Twilight, Wild tagging along too. Warriors and Wind went to their own little corner, muttering about something that sounded suspiciously like tackle, distraction, and winning. Unbeknownst to everyone else, the two inside were conspiring about a similar thing.
When the four remaining racers were ready, Malon took it upon herself to start the race, and Time prepared to time for the fourth time. He knew that at this point, the beginning could never be trusted. This time around, Time watched as Wild and Wind “tripped,” clearing aiming for either Twilight or Warriors, before realizing that their timing was off in the sense that they both did their plan at the same time, and consequently crashed into each other. They groaned as they settled into their impromptu cuddle pile, wincing at the spots that were sure to bruise.
Their teammate’s sacrifices would not be in vain! Those not fallen pushed themselves even harder but quickly learned that a day spent working and running had worn them out a lot more than they’d thought. They tried to hold on but at last, they could not stop the exhaustion that beckoned them to fall. And that they did. They face planted onto the ground, mere inches away from victory. They were too tired to even attempt to crawl. It seemed like this race would never have a clear winner, and that their times would never be timed by Time.
Time just shook his head, very amused. Trust his boys to make a competition out of anything, even if its purpose was just to gather information. Everyone else was in high spirits, too, except Four who was still caught in hypotheticals. Even if things could have gone better, it was still a fun afternoon. Time was just glad he didn’t have to time a timed race again for the fifth time and wondered whether the next time they found themselves in his time, they would force him to do this one more time. Time shudders thinking about it.
(Hours later, when the Chain had finally settled down to sleep, Four sat in a corner. He curled on himself like a gremlin child, holding his journal close to his chest and scribbling madly with a now tiny pencil and dirty hands that cramped. His tired eyes were tearing up, the lantern being too bright whatever unholy time it was. He had been at it for hours, but he knew in his heart he was bound to make a breakthrough eventually! Unfortunately for him, his heart is stupid, and he is reminded of that fact when stares at a shadow for too long.)