Chapter 1: Chapter One: Reopening the Hotel
Chapter Text
The aggressive red light of a non-sun and the golden glow of Heaven far above shone down on Pentagram City at the center of the Pride Ring. People bustled in the streets, working, killing, doing drugs, chatting, and generally going about their hellish lives. Above all their heads and in many store windows, TVs displayed 666 News, and people couldn’t help but stare, hypnotized by the screens. Perhaps literally.
“This is Katie Killjoy,” said Katie, grinning widely.
“And I’m Tom Trench,” said Tom.
Behind them, a diagram of the Hazbin Hotel with crudely drawn images of Charlie, (Y/N), Alastor, and the other Hazbin Hotel residents sat on the wall. They were all murdering exorcists in the image.
“Bringing you the latest in Hell’s hottest news,” said Katie. “Tonight’s top story: What the fuck is going on at the Hazbin Hotel?”
“That’s right, Katie,” agreed Katie. “It’s been a while since Heaven attacked Hell and Charlie Morningstar and the Hazbin Hotel brutally slaughtered the invading angels and kinda-sorta saved us from the extermination.”
“When you’re done sucking toes, Tom—” Katie kicked him to the side “—I’d like to remind you that Heaven still hasn’t made their next move. Are they coming back for revenge or is this yearly nightmare finally over?”
Tom sat up, grimacing. “Morningstar has declined to come on the show to comment, as has the Nature Demon, the one who ended the Adam’s life.” He coughed. “Pussies.”
“But we will keep asking until we break them,” said Katie, grinning madly. “Because the world needs to know, Tom. Will the Hazbin Hotel stop at angels? Will the Nature Demon stop killing?” She looked into the camera and addressed the Hell-wide audience. “Are you their next victim? Is your dog or cat next? Will their bloodlust ever be satisfied? Who’s at the top of the Nature Demon’s hitlist? Do we have an up-and-coming Overlord on our hands?!” Her neck jerked to the side at the idea, and she cleared her throat abruptly. “This segment is brought to you by—”
“Voxtek!” said Katie and Tom together. “ ‘Trust us with your everything!’ ”
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The Nature Demon in question was in fact adding many people to their hitlist. Metaphorically at the minimum. There were way too many people swarming the newly reopened Hazbin Hotel, and all of them were trying to snap pictures of (Y/N) or get close to (Y/N) or speak to (Y/N) or, in general, were annoying (Y/N). They stepped back as the line extended out the door to get a room from Vaggie. From the balcony, they narrowed their eyes at the endless throng.
“I can’t wait to kill some angels,” said a guest eagerly.
“I want to see that gold blood run,” said another guest.
“I lost my fucking room key.”
“Oh my god, look, it’s the fallen angel!”
“Is that Lucifer in hair rollers? The king himself? He’s hot.”
“I wonder where the Nature Demon is!”
The lovely flowers blossoming throughout the hotel lobby sprouted thorns. (Y/N)’s fingers drummed against their leg. No one was entering the hotel for the right reasons. Charlie’s going to be disappointed.
“Hello and welcome to the Hazbin Hotel,” said Vaggie, greeting another new resident. “My names, uh, changing…” She grimaced. “For now, call me Vaggie. Have a lovely day. Here’s your key, thank you so much for staying with us. This is like being in the army.”
Well, until she decides, Vaggie it is, thought (Y/N). Vaggie had said she didn’t mind the nickname still, so that was good. (Y/N) respected choosing a new name, but without an option, they had to stick to what they knew. Besides, they had chosen their own name when they entered Hell.
The name that no one had given them. The name they had found. The name that fit better than what they had been told to be. The name they had held close to their heart and never dared to speak aloud.
(Y/N) blinked, and the roses in their hair multiplied. There was no time for reminiscing, especially not over life. All the things that happened—
No. (Y/N) refused to think about that. They smoothed down their clothes to keep their fingers from betraying their inner thoughts that kept trying to bubble up. They wore a new outfit Rosie had insisted they get (one outfit from her and Alastor’s tailor wasn’t enough. Rosie had brought them back for an entire wardrobe). It was a simple, black dress that went over a black skirt and mary janes. The dress had a slightly sweater-like quality, making it very comfortable, and it sat over a collared scarlet shirt with small black patterns sewn in like tiny roses.
It was put-together and comfortable, a good combination (especially since Rosie insisted that (Y/N) should always look sharp since they were “too powerful to be sloppy.”). She did, however, always make sure (Y/N) felt comfortable. They were fine with dressing feminine—enjoyed it, even, now that their name and pronouns felt right on their skin—but Rosie checked in on every piece they tried to ensure they weren’t feeling dysphoric.
(Y/N) looked good and felt good. They would face the day with at least the façade of calm, the crowd of sinners be damned (more damned).
“I know you’re here, Alastor,” said Vaggie. “Could you help out, please?” It was supposed to be his job, after all.
Alastor appeared out of the shadows. “Mm, this seems like a you problem, Vagene.”
Vaggie’s eye twitched at the name. “And yours! What happened to the whole ‘host of the hotel’ thing?”
Alastor didn’t reply and melted into shadows once more.
“I know we had a ton of rooms, but this is still a lot of people,” said (Y/N), walking downstairs but keeping carefully to the side, blending with some of their plants.
“Maybe I should have gotten ready before coming to breakfast,” said Lucifer, standing in a robe and hair rollers.
“Where’s Charlie?! Where is Charlie Morningstar?!” Reporters pushed to the front of the line to shove microphones and cameras in Vaggie’s face.
“Is it true she drinks angel blood to improve her ‘gay powers?’ ” questioned a reporter.
“Is she off killing more angels? The public has a right to know!” said another.
Alastor appeared beside Lucifer and (Y/N). He chuckled at Lucifer’s appearance, and Lucifer lunged. Alastor held him down by the head, and Lucifer threw a rubber duck at him. Alastor glared, and Lucifer glared back.
(Y/N) ignored them, watching Vaggie intently. Beside them, someone tried to sneak up and get a photograph. A vine sprang from the bush next to them and tried to whip the sinner’s hand with thorny barbs. The sinner squawked. The sound got Alastor’s attention, and he turned from Lucifer, still throwing ducks at him, and loomed over (Y/N)’s shoulder. His neck jerked to the side, and the sinner paled. He hurried away before the Radio Demon did anything else. Alastor grinned in satisfaction.
“Is it true this hotel is recruiting a hellish army?” said a third. “And should I divorce my wife?”
“Um, no. What?” said Vaggie, staring at all the reporters.
Over at the bar, Husk was also growing exasperated. “I have three Torments and Tonics, four Virgin Sacrifice Pina Coladas, and something called a Harder Daddy?” He deadpanned.
“Oh, that one’s for me,” said Angel Dust, leaning on the bar and grinning. He plucked it from the tray. Fat Nuggets munched on breakfast next to him. “My favorite drink and life motto.” Angel Dust downed the drink and grinned. “That’s a hard daddy.”
“Angel, how about you help me serve these drinks instead of letting your pig gobble my nuts?” said Husk.
Angel Dust gasped. “Husk, don’t say it like that! He’s little.” He covered poor Fat Nugget’s ears. “Besides, I am working. I’m celebrity endorsing the hotel.” He cleared his throat and grinned at the crowds. “Who wants to come stay—” he trailed a hand up his legs “—at the Hazbin Hotel with me?”
People cheered wildly.
Again, for all the wrong reasons, thought (Y/N), trying to weave through the crowd to the kitchen.
“It’s the Nature Demon!” gasped a sinner, and eyes turned on them.
(Y/N)’s flowers wilted slightly at the amount of eyes on them, but they didn’t dare show it otherwise. The reporters whirled, cameras raised, and (Y/N) bristled at the Voxtek logos on them all.
“What do you know about the hellish army in this hotel?”
“Are you recruiting?”
“Describe in detail the murder of Adam himself!”
“Are you trying to become an Overlord?”
“How many more people are you going to kill?”
“I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again,” said (Y/N). “My only comment is ‘I hate cameras.’ ” They glared defiantly at everyone. “So aim the cameras down or I smash them.”
The reporters obeyed. Vox would tear them to pieces if they wasted his machinery. Alastor tutted. He had wanted a chance to destroy some of Vox’s equipment.
“I’m getting Charlie,” said Vaggie. This was getting out of hand, and Charlie was in charge. She had to make an appearance to handle this. “Anyone seen her?”
“I think I saw her in the lounge,” said Angel Dust. “She’s been keeping Pentious’s little egg company.”
“Thanks,” said Vaggie.
“Uh, when you see her, can you ask if she’s still up for the therapy session today?” asked Angel Dust. He patted Fat Nuggets on the head and smiled shyly. “I’m kinda getting into talking about feelings and junk.”
Vaggie smiled and nodded. She headed into the lounge, and (Y/N) was glad when she returned with Charlie, who looked exhausted but cleared her throat and put on a show of confidence. (Y/N) sidestepped another attempt at a picture with them, and Alastor’s face glitched the camera, which disappointed the sinner.
Charlie stared at the crowd. “Sweet baby demon spawn,” she gasped. “There are a lot of sinners here!” Her face brightened.
“Oh, there she is!” realized the reporters, rushing back towards Charlie.
(Y/N) relaxed slightly as the attention shifted. Then an overly-brave sinner reached for a flower on their head.
“Are those real—”
A vine of thorns shot up, wrapped around the man’s wrist, and pierced his skin. He shouted, and (Y/N) glared.
“Yes,” they said as he fled. Their flowers bristled. Why some men thought they could touch without permission—!
“Come here. Over here, Charlie, here!” said the reporters.
“Charlie, are we at war with Heaven?” questioned one.
“Charlie, how many angels did you kill personally? Do they scream?”
“Hey, Charlie, how do angels scream when they die? Is it like—” The strange reporter made a bird-like screech. “And should I kill my wife?”
Charlie now realized why Vaggie had brought her out, but she also wasn’t sure how to deal with such questions. Fortunately, although Vaggie couldn’t ask the questions, she was a protective girlfriend.
“Okay, people, back it up, back it up!” She shoved the reporters back to give Charlie room to breathe.
Behind Charlie, someone cleared their throat. She jumped and turned around to find a lantern-fish like demon, short and wearing a lab coat.
“Oh! Hello there!” One on one. Charlie could do this, she could meet her new guests! “I’m Charlie. Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel! And what is your name?”
“My name is Baxter,” said the demon, grinning.
“Ooh, Baxter. That’s a fun name,” said Charlie. “Are you checking in with us?”
“I intend to, yes,” said Baxter.
“Oh, that’s great!” said Charlie. “And look at your little lab coat! It’s very cute. Are you an inventor?!”
“Don’t belittle me, woman,” scoffed Baxter. “I’m not an inventor; I’m a scientist. There’s a difference. Some could classify me as a mad scientist.”
Oh, fantastic, more weird guests, thought (Y/N).
“Hey, everyone!” declared Charlie, eyes sparkling as she realized they had someone like Pentious again (she was not coping with his death well). “Meet Pentious!”
“Baxter,” said Baxter.
“Right, Baxter!” said Charlie awkwardly. “And you’re here to be redeemed, Pen—Baxter.”
“I am here to study this fascinating concept of redemption,” said Baxter, and the reporters started scribbling. “My hypothesis is that it’s impossible.”
Charlie laughed awkwardly. “Okay, well…” She cleared her throat.
“She’s about to start singing, isn’t she?” realized (Y/N).
“Oh, yeah,” said Angel Dust.
Husk let out a long sigh and poured a drink.
Chapter 2: Chapter Two: Guaranteeing Good Service
Chapter Text
Charlie dragged Baxter to the check-in desk, swinging him by the arm.
(Charlie)
“Come on in,
Here’s your key!”
She held out his key, and Baxter took it. That wasn’t the end of his time with her, though. She had a real guest, and she was going to enjoy it. She spun him around.
(Charlie)
“Let me take your bag,
Wait till ya see!”
She jumped onto a luggage cart, and Niffty sent them flying across the room.
(Charlie)
“The hotel, ‘cause it’s great!
If you parked your car, we’ll validate.”
She gestured to her guests and workers and friends, and she smiled at the crowd of sinners.
(Charlie)
“All our guests are family.”
A guest grabbed for Angel Dust’s chest fluff, and he shoved the guest off.
“Perv! Hands off the chest fluff!” scoffed Angel Dust. Cherri punted the guest out the door.
(Charlie)
“That’s the Hazbin guarantee.
And did I mention it’s free?”
“It’s worth the price,” said Alastor.
Charlie grimaced and wove through the crowd with Baxter.
“No one’s nice,” said (Y/N).
“Full of drunks,” said Husk.
“Full o’ cunts,” said Cherri.
“Full of sticky floors covered in junk,” said Niffty gleefully.
“Uh, don’t mind them,” said Charlie awkwardly while Baxter stared.
“No one does!” said Angel Dust.
Boom! As Cherri handled the rowdy guests, a bomb exploded.
“Or that hole,” said Charlie.
“Ugh, Cherri,” scolded Vaggie, flying over.
“What?” Cherri was proud of herself.
Charlie cleared her throat and tried to distract Baxter again.
(Charlie)
“You’ve made a great choice to save your sou,
Cause redemption is possible,
I really really hope.”
Charlie gazed at the dignified painting of Pentious over the fireplace and swallowed.
(Charlie)
“Cause if it isn’t,
Then my whole life’s been a fucking joke,
And my friend died for no reason and I’m never gonna cope from watching him get fucking murdered right in front of me last month—!”
“She’s spiraling,” said (Y/N), and Alastor grinned in amusement.
(Charlie)
“There’s a bar!”
She jumped up next to Husk in an attempt to cover her breakdown.
“What the shit?!” said Husk.
(Charlie)
“Have a beer!”
“I don’t drink,” said Baxter.
(Charlie)
“I just know you’re gonna love it here!”
Vaggie flew to her, hugged her, and lifted her into the air.
(Charlie and Vaggie)
“We can live in harmony!”
“No, I can’t make a fucking mai tai!” said Husk, throwing a patron away.
(Charlie and Vaggie)
“That’s the Hazbin guarantee!”
Charlie jumped onto the check-in desk.
(Charlie)
“Now repeat after me.”
She grinned at the crowd.
(Charlie)
“I’m checking in!”
“I’m checking in,” repeated the crowd (no one wanted to say no to the princess of Hell).
(Charlie)
“I’m seeking guidance.”
“I’m seeking guidance,” said people, more and more unenthused.
(Charlie)
“For my reckoning.”
“For my reckoning,” mumbled people.
(Charlie)
“I’ll never turn to violence.”
She lost people on that one. Even (Y/N) frowned. Sometimes, violence was the only option left.
(Charlie)
“I’m checking in!”
Slowly, people slipped out, uninterested in the boring hotel Charlie was offering them. They wanted to meet celebrities and kill angels, not do some redemption-therapy-bullshit project.
“Psst, hey, you,” said a voice from a TV to a young woman.
“Who, me?” The sinner turned, and Vox’s face grinned.
“That’s right, baby.” He jumped out of the TV and took her by the shoulders.
(Vox)
“Redemption got you snoring?
That scene was fucking boring.
Have you considered a vocation that is more rewarding?”
He showed a post of a lucrative, luxury lifestyle to her.
(Vox)
“Because I sense a drop of star potential,
With a little boost that drip could turn torrential.”
The sinner grinned, completely taken in, and Vox pulled her to the doors of V Tower. She was pushed in, and Velvette and Valentino appeared.
(Velvette)
“Come on down to V-Tower,
Where we help talent flower.”
Valentino cupped the sinner’s chin.
(Valentino)
“No telling how hot you could get once you’re back by our power.”
Velvette spun the sinner around and summoned new clothes. It was a short, red dress, heels, all stylish, up-to-date, and made to sell.
(Velvette)
“Let’s start with a killer fit,
let’s get filler in those lips.”
Before the sinner could do a thing, she was pulled into surgery to make her sellable—I mean, hot.
(Valentino)
“Wax that gooch and pull that strip.”
(Velvette and Valentino)
“Snip, snip, snip!”
Remade into a newer, better version of herself, the sinner was pulled before the cameras, the Vees circling her.
(Velvette and Valentino)
“Ooh—ooh—oh,
All of Hell’s gonna want you,
In this game no one outdoes us,
No one can out-buzz us,
All you gotta do is trust us,
Just us, trust us.”
The sinner was spun into the life of luxury, greedy for every slip of stardom she could get.
(Vox)
“Take all these starring roles.”
Valentino circled her.
(Valentino)
“We trademarked all your holes.”
The two men grinned and shoved her into the studio, naked.
(Valentino and Vox)
“There’s no such thing as being totally overexposed.”
Velvette tutted as she looked at the social media—her realm.
(Velvette)
“Except now they’re sick of you ‘cause they’ve seen way too much,
But we’ll still get the clicks from souls who hate you.”
The sinner faltered, confusion written on her features.
(Vox)
“Scratch that, they changed the channel.”
Vox narrowed his eyes. That was the one thing he didn’t put up with: losing the views, the attention, the power and influence.
(Vox)
“And we can’t sell the scandal.”
He looked down at the sinner.
(Vox)
“Hope you had fun, but we are done with you,
Your run is cancelled.”
Tears came to the sinner’s eyes, but Vox didn’t care. He cared about his profit. She was a product that wasn’t selling anymore. It was time to discontinue it.
(Vox)
“We’re finished, I’m not kidding,
Get the fuck out of my building.”
His face took over all the screens.
(Vox)
“Get the fuck out of my building!”
The sinner fled.
(Velvette and Valentino)
“Snip, snip, snip.”
(Valentino)
“Bitch.”
Valentino and Velvette circled the sinner like sharks as she left the building, head hung low.
(Velvette and Valentino)
“Ooh—ooh—oh,
But if you know someone new,
Tell ‘em that no one outdoes us,
No one can out-buzz us,
All they gotta do is—”
«
At the hotel, Charlie smiled at her guests.
(Charlie)
“Come on in!”
«
(Vox, Velvette, and Valentino)
“Come on down to V-tower!”
«
(Charlie)
“Here’s your key!”
«
Despite offering far different experiences, the hotel and the Tower were both selling an idea of life to the masses.
(Vox, Velvette, Valentino, and Charlie)
“And see how great your afterlife could be.”
«
(Vaggie and Charlie)
“We can live in harmony!”
«
(Velvette and Valentino)
“Why be nice when you can be famous?”
«
(Charlie and Vaggie)
“That’s the Hazbin—”
«
(Velvette, Valentino, and Vox)
“Sign and cash in.”
«
(Charlie and Vaggie)
“Guarantee!”
«
Vox scoffed at the recording from his reporters within the Hazbin Hotel.
(Vox)
“Yeah, right, bitch!
Trust me, just me.”
Vox’s left eye spun alive, and he grinned.
(Vox)
“Trust me, just me,
Trust—”
Vox cleared his throat as Velvette and Valentino looked at him, unimpressed. “Us. No, I meant to say ‘us.’ ” He chuckled.
“Uh-huh,” said Velvette dubiously.
“Yeah, okay,” scoffed Valentino, rolling his eyes.
l
Charlie smiled brightly at the crowd, proud of her son. It had been nice, even if some people remained dubious about Charlie’s ideas.
“Ms. Morningstar, Ms. Morningstar!” The reporters weren’t done with her, though. They had questions they needed answered. “When will you launch your next attack on the angels?”
“What do dead angels smell like?”
“Are all the sinners here part of your anti-angel army? I killed my wife!”
A whole song about living in harmony and they’re still on this? Idiots, thought (Y/N).
“What?” Charlie stared at the reporters. “N-No, no. They’re here to be redeemed. Didn’t you hear the song?”
“Are any of you here for redemption?” said Vaggie, narrowing her eyes at the crowd.
A goat demon played with her earrings and said, “I thought this hotel was where we came to kill angels.”
A tree-based demon woman scoffed. “Yeah, who cares about redemption? That sounds like work.”
“No!” protested Charlie. “I-I know aren’t, like, the best, but we shouldn’t kill them. We need to be better than them, right?”
“No, I want to be like the Adam Slayer, the Nature Demon,” said the tree woman eagerly.
“Can I have your autograph?!” said the goat sinner, grinning at (Y/N).
“Will you stab me? Someone get a picture of them stabbing me!” said the tree woman.
“Wait, I want a picture, too!”
“Show us your moves, Nature Demon!”
“Where are the plants?!”
“Give me an autograph!”
(Y/N) backed up as the crowd advanced. Their flowers wilted and bristled with thorns. So many eyes, people demanding things, they hated it.
“No, no,” said Charlie, shaking her head. “(Y/N) was acting in self-defense, we shouldn’t celebrate what they had to do.”
(Y/N) went still. Self-defense. Self-defense. Self. Defense.
“Charlie, is this now officially the Angel Killer Hotel?”
“Charlie, have all your staff killed angels?”
“Charlie, do you have to be a cannibal to sign up for the Angel Killing Army Hotel? And I regret killing my life.”
“We, uh, we accept cannibals,” said Charlie. “I, um—” The crowd asking for autographs and praising (Y/N) was growing larger, they looked close to snapping, and Charlie was unsrue how to answer.
“Charlie, are you okay?” Vaggie swooped in.
“Uh, yeah, I’m fine, yeah—” Charlie stumbled over her words.
“Aw, man, Charlie ain’t looking too good under pressure,” said Angel Dust.
“Alastor, shouldn’t you be helping her?” said Husk.
“Should I? Perhaps,” said Alastor. “Will I? No. Do I enjoy being difficult?” He grinned, and his head spun around. “Most definitely.”
“Poof!” Lucifer appeared out of nowhere in front of Charlie. “Here I am! Did I do that right?” He smiled at Charlie. “Hey, don’t worry, Charlie, someone important is here to help.” He cleared his throat. “Oh, shit, what’s that?!” He pointed to the side, threw a duck, and poofed away with Charlie.
“That’s one way to deal with pressure, hiding,” said Husk, rolling his eyes. He frowned. “Can we get rid of these fuckers now?”
“Charlie wants them as guests,” said Angel Dust.
“She ain’t gonna have guests if the kid starts killing them, and they look like they might,” said Husk, looking at (Y/N). They were staring into space, their eyes wide as people approached, vines with thorns were growing over their arms, and the flowers on their head were wilting.
Alastor’s head jerked to the side as he regarded the swam of people.
Angel Dust grimaced. They were dissociating, the way he did when— “I’m gonna—”
Before Angel Dust could stand, Alastor emerged from shadows directly behind (Y/N). He leered over their shoulder at the group of sinners. Static filled the air. “Leave.”
The sinners scrambled back at the sight of the Radio Demon. The Nature Demon was famous, but he was infamous. No one wanted his attention. Alastor grinned as they ran and looked down at (Y/N).
(Y/N) let out a shaky breath, thorns constricting around their wrists, the pressure of eyes on them, in them, cutting them open—
Self-defense. Defending myself. I need to run, I want to be left alone, why won’t you leave me alone, let me live, stop it, stop hurting me, why can’t you let me go, why, I’m being good, please, I don’t know what to do, I need to get out, I don’t want to die I don’t want to die I DON’T WANT TO DIE—
“Smile.”
(Y/N) felt a pressure on their shoulder and heard a single world. It cut through the fog, and they exhaled sharply. They blinked, back to the present. (Y/N) looked up, from Alastor’s hand to his face.
“Don’t let them see. Smile.”
(Y/N) let out a shaky breath and put on a smile.
Alastor’s smile, usually all performance and all teeth, softened ever-so-slightly, but he forced it back to its grin in a moment. “Excellent.”
Angel Dust blinked in surprise. “Huh. Smiles helped them.”
“Yeah,” said Husk, also surprised but not as much. He had seen Alastor be partial to (Y/N) before. He narrowed his eyes. He didn’t trust it. What does Alastor want from them?
“You think it’s manipulation?” said Angel Dust, reading Husk’s expression.
“We’re in Hell. He’s an Overlord. We both know what that means.” Husk and Angel Dust had both lost their souls to Overlords. “I don’t want that to happen to them.”
“Me neither,” said Angel Dust. He smiled at Husk. “But the kid’s got us and Charlie and Vaggie. Even Lucifer’s here. If they need help, we’ve got it. They don’t need a deal.”
Husk nodded. His eyes didn’t leave Alastor. He watched the Radio Demon keep a careful eye on the crowd as (Y/N) finally got to go and eat, like a watchdog about to strike. Or a stag watching over a fawn.
Chapter 3: Chapter Three: Planning versus Plotting
Chapter Text
“Who’s the best and biggest demon shark in the world? You are, you are!” Vox cooed at the giant, demonic shark in his office tank. It grinned malevolently, eyes shining red in the dark water. “You’re my little shock.wav!”
“This better be important, Vox,” said Velvette, not looking up from her phone as she entered his office. “I was in a marketing meeting about which trends are worth killing over.” She kicked her boots up onto his desk as she sat down.
“Oh, yeah, he likes to talk,” drawled Valentino, entering with a small sinner who was fishlike with starfish over her nipples and crotch. He picked her up and set her on his lap as he sat. “But you don’t have to listen, you can just focus on me, baby.”
“I said to come alone, Val,” said Vox, irritated. He grabbed the sinner’s arm and tossed her into the shark tank. “Din-dins, sharky!”
Before the sinner could scream, the shark snapped her up, eyes redder than the blood that spilled into the tank.
“Hey,” whined Valentino. “I was using that!”
Vox strolled back around his desk to his high-backed chair. “I summoned you both here because we need to discuss some of your recent public…displays. Velvette, you can’t just fuck with Carmilla Carmine in front of other Overlords, it makes business harder.”
“Well, hey, you’re lucky I didn’t skin the bitch,” scoffed Velvette. “She was boring.”
Valentino grinned in amusement.
“And Valentino, you cannot keep hitting Angel Dust in public,” continued Vox. “It’s—No, it’s not funny anymore.”
Valentino scoffed. “When have I ever hit him?”
Vox deadpanned and snapped his fingers. A video compilation of security and social media footage turned on, each clip displaying Valentino hitting Angel Dust.
Valentino smirked. “You’re obsessed with me.”
Vox glitched and adjusted his jacket. “Our brand is perfection, remember? We cannot let ourselves look weak to other Overlords or to sinners. We are above petty bullshit.”
“Well, maybe people should start sucking less,” sneered Velvette.
“Or more,” chuckled Valentino.
“Moving on,” said Vox before the pair continued snickering. “Now, as we all know, Charlie Morningstar recently proved that angels can be killed. And not just them. Alastor’s little pet project killed Adam, which means the big motherfuckers can be killed.”
“I hate that little bitch,” said Valentino, gritting his teeth.
“You’re just mad they made you look like a limp-dicked idiot at your club,” snickered Velvette.
Vox cleared his throat forcefully. “We all dislike that Hotel. Focus, Valentino. If you listen to me—” he smirked “—we can stick it to that Hotel and that damn Radio Demon and his fucking potted plant.” And Vox could prove that he had teamed up with the right people, and Alastor had been mistaken to reject his offer and then decide to team up with some fucking kid
“I’m listening,” said Valentino, grinning.
Vox smirked. “Now, obviously, Charlie Morningstar is going to plead innocent and play the ‘No, we should all get along and be friends and jerk each other off!’ card.” He jumped onto the desk. “But I think we can spin that.” He lifted a hand, and it buzzed with electricity. On the screens above drawings of the “Assbin” hotel appeared, complete with crudely drawn pictures of the group and a dead Alastor. “I think we can use the hotel’s reputation and Hell’s renewed hope—” he showed a picture of sinners praising Vox with fury “—and start a Hell-wide uprising against Heaven!” A final picture depicted Vox, God-like, above Heaven. “With us at the top! Huh?”
“Uh, I know you won’t believe this, but I don’t understand,” said Valentino, a blank look on his face.
Vox’s eye twitched, and he groaned. “Okay, from the top.” He took the sketchbook Valentino was doodling on (a very salacious drawing of Vox himself) and gave Valentino a look. “And I’ll try to go slow.”
l
Why won’t they leave? thought (Y/N), taking another bite of their apple and huffing. The crowd was still in the Hotel, even after Lucifer and Charlie’s disappearing act. The reporters kept trying to get clips of the angel killers, people pried with questions, and there were too many people.
“Oh my Satan, they’re eaten an apple! They killed Adam from an apple tree! Iconic!” said a sinner, taking a picture of them
(Y/N) deadpanned and threw the apple away. They headed over to the bar where Vaggie, Angel Dust, and Husk were avoiding people.
“What about Vagamalala for a new name?” wondered Vaggie.
“Horrible,” said (Y/N).
“Maybe Vagelia?” said Vaggie.
“Sounds like a disease,” said Angel Dust.
“Why are you changing your name again? What’s wrong with Vaggie?” asked Cherri.
“Because Adam gave me that name, and it’s demeaning,” said Vaggie. She looked down at her drink. “I feel like I got to give myself one, you know? What about Vagison?”
“Maybe you should lose the ‘Vag’ part in these names?” said Husk.
“Don’t force it,” said (Y/N). “Finding a name that fits is hard. But once you find it, it’ll just…fit.”
Vaggie paused and exchanged a look with Husk and Angel Dust. “Did you—”
“Yeah.” (Y/N) shrugged. “The name felt right when I was alive, so I decided to use it when I arrived here.”
“Everybody, listen up!”
All eyes went to Charlie, who was glaring defiantly at the crowd as she reentered the lobby.
“Reporters, sinners, friends. I have an announcement to make,” said Charlie.
“Charlie, Charlie!” cried the reporters. “Over here!”
Charlie ignored them. “This is the Hazbin Hotel. We do not kill angels here. So, everyone who isn’t here to be redeemed, please leave now.” She spoke with no hesitation.
“Is that it?” said a disappointed reporter.
“Pretty much, yes. Yes, that is it,” said Charlie, folding her arms. “You have all gotten the wrong idea. The Hazbin Hotel is a place of peace. But I believe in every sinner. You all can change and be redeemed and earn your way to a better life.” Angel Dust, Vaggie, Husk, and (Y/N) smiled at her fondly. “So, if you believe in our dream, then you are welcome to stay.” She spread her arms out invitingly and smiled.
“Absolutely not,” grumbled crowd, heading for the door.
“None of these people paid their tab,” said Husk.
“They’re in Hell for a reason,” said (Y/N).
Charlie’s shoulders drooped, but Vaggie put a hand on her shoulder encouragingly. “For what it’s worth, babe, that was a good speech,” she said. “They’ll understand eventually.”
Charlie squeezed Vaggie’s hand. “Thank you.”
“I suspect this endeavor will end in spectacular failure,” said Baxter. “Which will make a thrilling research essay.”
“Uh, well, it’s only a worthy experiment if you actually try,” said Charlie, looking down at him with her hands on her hips. “Welcome to the hotel, Baxter!”
“So is he, like, the new Pentious?” asked Niffty.
“No!” said everyone.
l
“And when this baby reaches the top, bam!” Vox pointed at a graph. “And that’s how we’d rule Heaven. Any questions?”
Valentino breathed out pink smoke, and Velvette didn’t look up from her phone.
“Okay, but, like, I don’t get it,” said Valentino. “Why do we even need to rule Heaven? How would we, like, get up there?”
“Semantics, Val,” said Vox, who had already gone over his current plans. “Let me tell you a story.” He grinned. “Back on Earth, when I was alive, I was the leader of a very influential group.”
“You mean the cult?” said Valentino, having heard the story before.
“You could call it a cult,” said Vox. He didn’t care for the word. He had power in life, he had it in death, and that was what mattered. “But I’d say it was more of a movement. And I was the center of it.” He sat down on his armchair, and he grinned. “And I swear I’d never felt closer to being a god.” He spun around. “That’s a feeling that I’d give anything to get back. And a feeling that I’d love to share with both of you.” He gestured to Velvette and Valentino, who were still dubious. Vox’s palms slammed down on the desk. “We have the chance to be more than Overlords. We have the chance to be gods.”
Lightning sparked, and a piano arrived. Vox sat at it, fingers playing each key perfectly.
(Vox)
“It’s not what Heaven is,
It’s what it could be,
With new management in charge,
Like you and you and me,
Once we get up there—”
The piano started to rise on a platform above the other Vees.
(Vox)
“—And snag that angelic throne,
Our unholy trinity could make their realm our own,
We’ll pack up all their piety and redecorate,
Bet our tower would look powerful with pearlier gates!”
He cast the piano aside and spun around.
(Vox)
“Once we get up there,
Up to the promised land,
A hundred billion souls await our every command,
We’re the biggest fish in Hell, how ‘bout we upgrade the bowl?”
Vox grinned at the invigorating idea of having so much influence, so much control. His left eye spun to life, sparking with power.
(Vox)
“It’s time for growth,
Let’s rule ‘em both!”
Vox jumped down to the other Vees and put his arms around their shoulders, pulling them into his plotting.
(Vox)
“Take total control,
Think of all your dreams that could come true.”
Valentino grinned eagerly. “Even the wet ones?”
“Yeah, those too,” confirmed Vox.
(Vox)
“Imagine what it could enable.”
Velvette stood from the desk.
(Velvette)
“For my label!”
“Yes!” said Vox as she got on board. He jumped up onto the platform again, holographic images of bowing angels appearing on each step.
(Vox)
“A heavenly host that bows to none but us.”
(Valentino)
“I can have hot new angel sluts.”
(Velvette)
“Tear off their wings and make them dresses!”
(Valentino and Vox)
“And what’s best is!”
Velvette danced upwards gleefully.
(Velvette)
“That dumb princess showed us the way.”
Valentino spun up onto the platform.
(Valentino)
“To make those haloed cabronas pay!”
Vox grinned, electricity flashing around him.
(Vox)
“And once we’re gods, I can’t wait to say!”
The people who pushed him aside. Those who ignored him. Those who rejected him and his genius. Alastor. Vox gritted his teeth and grinned, shark-like, as he imagined the heavenly wrath he could rain down on his enemies.
(Vox)
“To everyone who doubted me,
Your doubting days are over,
You’ll be cornered, trapped, and tortured,
Then I’ll end you just for fun!”
Alastor would be crushed. The Hotel would be nothing. And Alastor’s little protégé…He’d show Alastor why he should have signed on with Vox all those years ago.
(Vox)
“Once we get up there!”
(Vox, Valentino, and Velvette)
“The shining kingdom of God,
No more petty squabbles with the dead,
As we stroll the golden promenade.”
They all linked arms, grinning maniacally, thoughts of pleasure and pain and all their desires coming true winding like a drug through them.
(Vox, Valentino, and Velvette)
“What’s an Overlord to a deity?
They ain’t got a prayer!”
(Velvette)
“It’ll be so nice in paradise!”
(Valentino)
“With a splash of vice, they’ll pay the price!”
(Vox, Valentino, and Velvette)
“We’ll rule the sky from up on high.”
(Vox)
“Once I—”
(Valentino)
“And I!”
(Velvette)
“And I!”
(Vox, Valentino, and Velvette)
“Get up there!”
Velvette and Valentino cackled. Vox grinned.
(Vox)
“They’re fucked.”
He laughed darkly. “I am going to crush Alastor.”
Valentino and Velvette deadpanned and rolled their eyes. His obsession with Alastor never ended and oscillated between being amusing and being annoying.
“One problem with this plan,” said Velvette, and Valentino and Vox looked at her. “The marketing.”
“We scare people, remind them that we are the ones who will bring them to safety by defeating Heaven, and rally the troops,” said Vox.
“A little hypnosis, some seduction…” Valentino rolled his hips and smirked. “And we’ve got them all.”
“ ‘Cept we don’t have credibility. We didn’t kill any fucking angels,” said Velvette.
She held up her phone, which displayed pictures of the Nature Demon at the hotel, all of which had comments about them being “so cool” and “iconic” and “I would follow them into battle they’re so amazing and hot and wow—”
“That hotel has.” Velvette scoffed. “I keep deleting the sickening fawning over the plant, but it always comes back.”
Vox looked at the pictures of the Nature Demon. His eyes were frozen on one where they were looking up, smiling, and had a slightly-glitching hand on their shoulder. Vox gritted his teeth. His left eye glitched and brightened.
“Stick to the plan. We’ll get the souls. We always do.” Vox grinned. “We’ll get every soul we need.”
l
“Our new top, top story,” said Katie Killkoy, grinning at the camera. “Charlie Morningstar, Hell’s greatest threat.”
“That’s right, Katie,” said Tom Trench. “Our recent reports from the Hazbin Hotel tell us that Morningstar demanded all demons seeking retribution for the extermination to ‘get out’ on threat of death.”
“It seems Morningstar has no desire to build an army for demons who want to fight back and instead wants to create a hostile environment where she forces sinners to change and fit into her restrictive, puritanical mold,” said Katie.
“Scary stuff,” said Tom. “I know I’m scared.” He leaned forward. “And everyone else should be, too.”
Across the Pride Ring, screens glitched to a message of “HATE CHARLIE,” and minds took it in before they were even aware.
“In other news,” continued Katie, “Hell’s powerful threesome of Voxtek, the Vees, are now offering sanctuary to all those affected by Charlie Morningstar’s actions.”