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Sua doesn’t know when these feelings started. She doesn’t know how long she’s felt this way, all she knows is that they currently reside deep inside her cold aching heart.
“Are you doing alright Sua?” Sua looks over to Mizi in all her beauty. Recently Mizi wanted to cut her hair really short as an act of rebellion against her parents, but despite what others say she still looked beautiful in Sua’s eyes.
“I’m doing fine.” Sua looked down at her desk because she knows she couldn’t meet Mizi’s eyes. How could Sua laugh around with Mizi, cry with her, or even dare gaze at her when Sua is so hopelessly in love with her?
“Yeahhh sure, like I believe that!” Maybe Sua isn’t in love with this girl? Maybe she’s just confusing platonic with romantic feelings. Sua never feels like this with Till despite being good friends with him. Though, maybe that’s because her brother is hopelessly devoted to him and Sua could never do that to Ivan.
“Earth to Sua, Earth to Sua!” Mizi was now standing in front of Sua’s desk, snapping her fingers.
“I’m sorry Mizi, I’m not sure what came over me…” Sua knows full well what overcame her, she just can’t admit it to this beautiful girl.
“Sit down everyone! Class is starting.” Mizi took one more glance at Sua and went back to her seat directly to the right of Sua.
This was going to be a… long day.
~ ~ ~
“I just don’t know what to do!” Sua was pacing around her room while Ivan sat on her bed eating chips. That bastard better not get that on her sheets, or she was going to tell Till more embarrassing stories about him.
“You could always ask, I heard communication is key for any type of relationship.” Ivan was getting crumbs on her blanket, the one Mizi gifted her. Sua just sighed.
“I’m not taking relationship advice from a boy who punches his crush to get his attention.” Ivan just looked at Sua with a pout. He would always make that face whenever Sua brought up Ivan’s poor communication with Till.
“Just because I don’t follow my own words doesn’t mean you shouldn’t!” Ivan finished the chips and threw the bag on the floor for Sua to probably clean up later. Sua hated her brother more than she hated her confusing feelings.
“How do I know what I’m feeling is real Ivan? How did you know you liked Till?” Ivan finally looked at Sua, truly looked at her. It’s not like he wasn’t physically looking at her before, but it felt like he was now really seeing her for who she was (Ivan would probably say she looked like a loser, but that’s just because he can’t talk about feelings without making a joke).
“Well for starters I realized I liked her everything about Till. His eyes, hair, face, mouth, neck, a-“ Sua interrupted Ivan before he could finish his thought, “I don’t need to know THAT!”
“That’s beside the point, I like Till whether he’s shitty or amazing. I don’t feel like this with anyone else and I want his attention on me for the rest of our lives. Do you feel that way with Mizi?” Ivan was being genuine, and Sua can only nod in return.
“Well I would say that’s a pretty good first step on figuring out if you like Mizi or not. Of course, I could always ask her if she likes girls or not.” Before Sua could respond, Ivan jumped off Sua’s bed and went towards the exit door to her room.
“This has been too much genuine emotions, I need to go hit something at football practice. I hope you trip over my chip bag Sua, farewell asshat sister of mine!” With that, Ivan closed the door behind him and left Sua to stand around with only her thoughts.
~ ~ ~
Sua was in the middle of the library with Mizi when Sua realized she loved her.
They were both working on homework for science and Mizi could just not get anything right. She had this scrunched up look on her face, hair in her eyes, and she was acting so angry, so ugly, and yet Sua liked everything about her.
“I just can’t understand this shitty chemistry! Mrs Sung is such a bitch, who assigns three pages of homework!” Mizi waited until last minute to do this homework assigned a week ago, and Mrs Sung was entirely in the right, but Sua didn’t care.
Sua loves Mizi, Sua didn’t care that Mizi was acting irrationally and ugly, Sua loved everything about her. Sua loves Mizi with short or long hair, acting kind or childish, smart or stupid, Sua doesn’t care because she only cared about Mizi.
Sua didn’t outwardly show that anything changed, but internally everything was different. Butterflies were in her stomach and heart, piling up to the point Sua was sure her internal organs would burst in a display of gory love.
Mizi kept on complaining and Sua kept on helping with the homework. How could she do anything else? Sua had to stay calm so that she wouldn’t ruin her chances or even friendship. Sua had to think of plans, countermeasures, and failsafes.
“Sua you are such a life saver oh my goodness!” Mizi got out of her seat at the table the two were sitting at and hugged Sua. “Do you think we could meet up at a cafe or something to study? I hate studying but I’m sure you could help with it.” Mizi smiled at her friend and all Sua could see was the sun.
“Of course Mizi, I think I would be in more pain than you if you got a D in chemistry. I can send you the address of this local cafe I found along with when we should meet up.” Sua smiled a bit, hoping to not give away the way her brain was doing loops on its own rollercoaster of love which in turn made her heart beat like she was facing mortal danger, not a crush.
“Well it’s a date, see you there!”
Fuck.
~ ~ ~
Mizi and Sua have known each other since they were children. They’ve both been going to the same school, Anakt Academy, for as long as Mizi can remember. Along the way, Mizi doesn’t know when, Mizi developed a crush on the girl. Mizi didn’t want to ruin anything so she kept quiet, but goodness Sua made it hard.
Well, Mizi kept quiet until Ivan came along. The latter ran up with the former some random day and asked to speak after school.
“Mizi I know you like Sua.” Mizi sputtered at what Ivan said. Him and Mizi were sitting on a bench just outside the school. Typically Sua would walk Mizi home with Ivan tagging along, but Sua had astronomy club.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about-“ Ivan interrupted her before she could finish. “I’m sure you’re going to deny it and whatever, but believe me, I’m doing this for entirely selfish reasons!” Ivan said this with such a smile Mizi couldn’t really argue anymore.
“I just don’t know what to do! I like everything about Sua but I don’t want to ruin what we already have.” Ivan, not once, showed more emotions than he usually would. This usually would make Mizi feel like she was doing something wrong, but Mizi has know the siblings for years now and knew that Ivan simply didn’t care for many things in life and couldn’t care to express interest in those things. Ivan wasn’t a bad person, just generally dismissive.
“Well, if it helps Sua likes you too.” Mizi felt her heart beat even fast again. How could he just throw this information at her!
“Why would you tell me this..?” Don’t get her wrong, Mizi wasn’t ungrateful, she was just so very confused on what cause Ivan to suddenly take action on Mizi and Sua’s dance around each other.
“Well, Till has a crush on you and I thought if you and Sua started dating he would get the memo and I could be his Prince Charming.” Mizi didn’t… know what to do with this information. Mizi felt bad for Till because Mizi has known for years that she was a lesbian and only saw the boy as a brother, but the Sua having a crush on her hit Mizi like a brick.
“Sua… likes me?” Mizi couldn’t even begin to process this. Mizi was already imagining the wedding, maybe Ivan could be her man of honor or something. Sua could walk down the aisle, they’d say vows, and Mizi would kiss Sua deeply with only intent behind it. Eventually they would have a honeymoon where Mizi could-
Nope not yet, Mizi still needs to ask Sua out first before Mizi continue with her fantasies.
“I just hope you know that despite me telling you to go date Sua, you do anything to my sister and I maim you. I hate Sua the most out of anyone in this cold dirty world, but I would burn your house down if you did anything to her.” With that, Ivan patted Mizi’s back and stood up and smirked.
“I wonder if Till is still in detention! I should wait for him outside the detention room. Maybe we could-“ Ivan’s voice slowly faded away as he did a half skip half walk away (how could a jock like Ivan walk away so gracefully?).
Mizi needs to go sacrifice goats or something to the gods, because what other reason would Sua liked her back? Whatever deity above or below answered Mizi’s dreams and she wouldn’t let it go to waste. Mizi would take it slow, probably ask Sua on a date disguised as something else. Mizi wouldn’t lose this chance.
~ ~ ~
Sua and Mizi were lying on a blanket star gazing. They had been studying in the park (Mizi has been giddy because this marks the fifth time Mizi has had a studying not-date with Sua) and they never noticed how much time passed.
Mizi knew Sua liked the stars, so the formers asked if she wanted to watch them. Sua was ecstatic and kept on talking about constellations and extraterrestrial things Mizi could never hope to understand. It had turned into a comfortable silence and Mizi couldn’t be more happy.
Mizi looked to her left and could only admire the beauty next to her. Mizi must have been staring for too long because eventually Sua locked eyes with Mizi and smiled. She was gorgeous.
Mizi brought her hand up to Sua’s face. “Can I kiss you..?” Sua sputtered for a bit and had no words to say to this. Sua nodded her head a bit and started moving to Mizi.
Mizi closed the distance and kissed Sua. It was messy and Mizi never put contacts in so her depth perception sucked ass, but it was warm and honest. Mizi didn’t fully hit her mark but it didn’t matter, they still kissed and it felt so surreal.
Mizi cuddled closer to Sua and no words were said, none were needed. Sua put her head to Mizi’s shoulder and Mizi peppered kisses around Sua’s head.
“Is this alright?” Mizi asked Sua. Mizi didn’t want to push things. Mizi often got pushy and it only ever pushed people away. Mizi couldn’t do that with Sua.
“It’s perfect.” Mizi kept cuddling Sua. Mizi played with Sua’s hair and watched as Sua looked at the stars. She looked like the definition of what love meant to Mizi. Love to Mizi was Sua and Mizi couldn’t imagine much else. What was there to imagine when perfection lied beside her?
They just stayed intertwined, ignoring the literal world around them for their metaphorical worlds. Mizi couldn’t imagine a universe without Sua, without her love. That was fine though, because right now Mizi had Sua and Sua had Mizi.
Mizi knew that everything would be alright.