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“You sure you’re up to this?” Raelle’s concerned voice seemed to follow Tally all the way to the training hall.
Was she?
Of course not, her body was telling her so with every step she took. Her muscles burned, and the stiffness in her neck and back left no doubt that today simply wasn’t her day. Worse still, that dark, palm-sized bruise on her right thigh was making her leg wobbly, and Tally could only hope the warm-up wouldn’t make things worse.
But she had no intention of backing down. She wasn’t weak.
She wasn’t weak, and she was determined not to miss a single training. Not one of those trainings.
“We would like to start utilizing your skills soon, see how you would perform in the field. However, even with your Sight, standard training will not be enough, considering how much there is still for you to learn.”
When Sarah Alder offered to train her personally, almost two months ago, Tally of course couldn’t believe it. But once the initial shock and that strange, silly anxiety wore off, those evenings spent in the empty gym, just the two of them and the swish of their scourges, quickly became something Tally looked forward to.
So now, even though her lungs ached and her stride was stiff, she wasn’t going to miss this training session.
When she entered the training hall, the General’s slender figure already loomed on the other side of the room, and Tally felt her cheeks instantly heat up, her treacherous body reacting before she could control herself.
Stupid, stupid Tally.
She had been feeling too comfortable around Alder lately, far too comfortable, and she had let her guard down, allowing the feelings she had suppressed for so long to bubble to the surface again. And seeing Alder so often, in less formal setting, dressed in her combat gear, wasn’t helping her at all.
The General nodded in greeting to the approaching cadet, without exchanging any unnecessary words. Tally forced a smile and nodded back, but Alder wasn’t looking at her anymore, finishing lacing her boots. She exhaled, forcing herself to calm her pounding heart; the pain that shot through her ribs helped her regain her balance.
She shrugged off her jacket and left it and her bag against the wall. When she turned around, Alder was already waiting in her usual position, her scourge slowly warming in her hands.
The beginning of the training was already familiar to her. She knew Alder’s attack patterns, which were designed to force Tally’s body into a state of alertness, raising her heart rate and unlocking her muscles.
She could do that, no problem, so what if her body was fighting against her too? Tally forced herself to keep up with Alder, determined not to show any weakness, to make sure there was no hesitation in her movements that might indicate something was wrong.
But then a scourge flew past her head at lethal speed, narrowly missing, and Tally realized the warm-up was over. Alder’s movements became more fierce, and Tally had to speed up too. Normally, this part of training wouldn’t have been a challenge, but this time—
“Focus, Craven! Your feet are supposed to move too, not just your scourge!”
Those were the first words Alder had spoken to her that evening.
Tally gritted her teeth as her bruised leg protested sharply with another leap, sending a searing pain deep into her body and buckling slightly beneath her. The weapon flew dangerously close again, and Tally knew, no, she saw perfectly the moment a faint look of confusion crossed Alder’s face.
Tally resumed her position, showing Alder she was ready to continue. The whistle of a thick leather rope cutting through the air echoed in the room again.
Tally’s muscles tensed and burned with every movement. She felt her arms tremble each time she raised her scourge to meet the incoming attacks, and each time she sluggishly tried to counterattack to keep up appearances.
After another very clumsily executed attack on her part, Alder spoke again.
“Is something wrong?”
Tally shook her head, panting heavily.
There was a moment of pause, but then Alder’s eyes narrowed dangerously and her scourge shot forward. Tally jumped, feeling a new surge of adrenaline coursing through her veins; she leaned hard on her Sight, and that allowed her to react in time.
But that could only help her so much.
She thought she saw what the woman was trying to do. Alder moved methodically, approaching her, closing in on Tally, limiting her options. She knew she had to improve her position; distance was her greatest ally that day.
She saw her chance and charged forward, trying to get past the woman, avoiding her flying weapon; she thought she had it. But then Alder jerked her arm violently, and the tip of her scourge curled in the air, obediently turning to its owner.
Tally had no chance to react.
She found herself lying on her back, breathing heavily, waiting for the world to stop spinning around her and for the pain in her legs, where the rope had caught, to subside. Somewhere behind her, Alder’s footsteps told her the woman had returned to her position, ready to continue.
“Up, Craven. Your enemy won’t wait for you to catch your breath.”
Tally squeezed her eyes shut and nodded.
Right, Alder was right. This wouldn’t do on the battlefield. And she wasn’t weak.
She rolled over and grabbed the scourge, clenching her fist tightly around the leather handle, the familiar shape giving her strength. She rose to a standing position, straightening her back, and…
Tally swayed, the walls and floor moving before her, blurring and fading at the edges of her vision. She heard her name being called in the distance, and she wanted to react, to respond, but her mind went blank, and the floor suddenly began to tilt toward her, rushing to meet her.
She regained consciousness with a start, a pained groan escaping her throat before her mind could process what was happening. A dull pain throbbed on her forehead, somewhere around her right eyebrow.
“Easy, you’re fine.” She heard a soft, strained voice just above her head, very close.
Tally’s eyes flew open, and her gaze landed on the woman leaning over her. Blue eyes stared back intensely at her, and after a moment, understanding dawned on Tally. Her heart leaped into her throat, and she tried to get up, but strong hands held her down, forcing her to remain still.
“You hit your head when you fell. You were out only for a moment, but we’ll need to get it checked.”
Tally nodded weakly, and only then did she feel her head resting on something soft. Her eyes never left Alder, but now she consciously noticed that the woman’s shoulders were bare and exposed, and she was wearing only a dark undershirt.
She felt warmth creep up her neck and go further, spreading across her cheeks.
“How many fingers do you see?”
“Three. Now one,” Tally replied and obediently followed the moving finger, earning a satisfied nod from the woman. She knew the procedures well, of course she did.
When Alder finished the basic examination, her face changed slightly and she frowned.
“What happened?”
Before Tally could find her voice and respond, Alder’s hand rose again and slowly moved towards her forehead, making her tense. But the touch of those long, cool fingers was as light as a feather on her throbbing brow, bringing relief instead of pain.
The pleasant feeling spread further, as if relaxing her, calming her muscles, cooling her face, which was still warm from the workout.
She almost, almost closed her eyes, but then a quiet sigh escaped her lips, completely against her will, and the moment passed forever as she, flushed red with embarrassment, awkwardly pulled away from the touch.
Alder immediately withdrew her hand, giving her space, but her eyes remained fixed on Tally.
“I-sorry,” Tally cleared her throat, trying to mask her discomfort. “I’m a little sore from yesterday’s combat drill, that’s all, really. I just needed a second, but we can continue…” She tried to get up again, and this time, to her surprise, Alder let her.
She sat up and immediately her body protested painfully, nearly knocking the air from her lungs as her bruised ribs made themselves felt. She couldn’t help but let out a quiet hiss.
Alder tilted her head slightly, as if holding back comment, though her gaze spoke volumes. Tally tried to force an apologetic smile, but she knew from the slight narrowing of the blue eyes that it was more of a grimace than anything else.
The General rose from her crouch in one fluid movement.
“Can you stand up?” she asked, holding out her hand to Tally.
Tally didn’t hesitate a moment longer and grabbed the offered hand, long fingers wrapping around hers, helping her to her feet. For a moment, she thought everything was alright, but as soon as Alder’s hand began to withdraw, Tally felt the world darken dangerously at the edge of her vision.
She swayed and knew the floor was just waiting to greet her again, but this time strong arms wrapped around her securely and kept her upright.
“Let’s give this a moment.” A soft murmur next to her right ear almost made Tally’s knees buckle beneath her.
Involuntarily, she leaned against the solid frame, and felt the woman’s chest press against her back. Warmth spread through her again, and her head began to spin for entirely different reasons now. She didn’t know if she would make it out alive this time. She could feel Alder’s breath on her neck, the warmth of her body, the scent of her, even more pronounced after training—
But after a while of standing like that, with Alder patiently holding her upright, her arm around her waist, the world finally stopped spinning. Tally briefly wondered if she should pull away, but a quick sideways glance told her she probably shouldn’t press her luck any further.
Alder must have noticed the conflicted look on Tally’s face and adjusted her grip, giving Tally a little more space but still allowing her to stay close.
“Come on, let’s have the healers take a look at you. You probably just need some rest, but I want to rule out a concussion.”
Tally immediately shook her head.
“No, General, I’m fine, I promise.” She almost stammered, panic slowly rising in her chest. Not only had she completely ruined the training, but now Alder would waste even more time getting her to the infirmary. “You don’t have to- I’ll have it checked, I’m—“
“Tally.”
The way Alder said her name silenced every word that was about to come out of Tally’s mouth. It was meant to put an end to any further argument, but at the same time it was so gentle on those lips, full of care and familiarity, which Tally had been longing for since she stopped being a Biddy.
Her heart contracted almost painfully, but then it began to beat in a new rhythm, pounding loudly in her chest and ears.
She looked at Alder.
Blue eyes looked at her so piercingly, it was as if they were staring straight into her soul, as if searching for the answer to why Tally was so stubborn, why she acted this way, so carelessly. And somehow, deep down, Tally knew there was no need to search, because Alder knew, of course she knew, and that look meant something else entirely.
Her heart squeezed uncomfortably once again, and Tally finally nodded, allowing the older women to lead her outside.
It was already dark outside when they left the building. The temperature was noticeably lower than when Tally had headed to training, and puffs of white mist hung around them as they breathed in the cold air.
Tally instinctively moved closer to Alder, and when she felt the hand that was wrapped around her waist adjust, tightening around her jacket, a different kind of warmth began to build in her chest. They both knew Alder no longer needed to hold Tally.
Suddenly she felt a burning need to say something, anything, but before she could open her mouth, Alder beat her to it.
“I heard a word or two about the drill Anacostia prepared and I was wondering if you would show up today."
A twinge of shame replaced the warmth in her chest, and Tally winced.
“I- I really thought I could pull this off, you know, just push through. Apparently, my body had a different opinion. I’m sorry I caused you trouble.”
She glanced sideways at the woman, her sharp profile and hooked nose illuminated by the warm light of the nearest lamp. Alder shook her head at her words, but kept her eyes straight ahead, focused on the path.
“Your commitment is noticed and appreciated, but sometimes it’s alright to slow down.” Alder tilted her head slightly at Tally and sighed. “You haven’t caused me any trouble, Tally, but in the future, I would really appreciate it if you took better care of yourself. I wouldn’t want this to happen again.”
The blue eyes were staring intently at Tally again, as if trying to tell her more than Alder could put into words. Tally swallowed hard, despite the sudden dryness in her mouth. She quickly nodded in agreement, but then the most intrusive thought popped into her head and she decided to blurt it out before it could be stopped.
“Is that why I’m ’Tally’ to you again? Because I made you worry?”
Still, almost as soon as the words left her mouth, she wanted the earth to swallow her whole. She felt her face burn, but then a soft chuckle reached her ears.
Alder’s steps slowly came to a halt, and Tally stopped too. The warmth of the hand around her waist faded, and something cold sank into Tally’s stomach. She turned towards the woman, taking a small step back, creating space between them.
“How are you doing, Tally?” Alder ignored her question, and her name sounded so soft, almost tender on her lips as she curved them into a small smile.
The entire evening felt like a fever dream to Tally, her body aching, the last of her energy draining away as the adrenaline wore off. But she didn’t know when she would have the chance to talk to Alde— to Sarah—like this again.
And she didn’t want to waste it.
“I miss you. And the Biddies, of course,” she added quickly after a moment and looked away. “But you… I miss you the most."
Alder remained silent, she didn’t even move. Tally felt something close up in her throat.
“I…” She swallowed and bit her lip nervously, hoping it would distract her from the stinging in her eyes. “I see the way you look at me. And I see the way the Biddies look at me when we pass each other. I don’t want… I don’t want to be a burden. If it’s too much, I can ask someone else to train me, maybe Anacostia—”
Sarah’s hand landed on Tally’s forearm, stopping her mid-sentence, forcing her to look at her.
“You’re not a burden.” There was something pressing in her voice, as if she wanted her words to leave no room for doubt. “You’re not a problem, you’re not a trouble. You’ll never be any of those things to me, Tally Craven, because you were once a part of me.”
The burning sensation returned to Tally’s eyes and her vision blurred a little. She took a shuddering breath and turned her head away again, not wanting Alder to see her tears, not wanting to look even more foolish than she surely already did.
She bit the inside of her cheek hard, and only when she felt the coppery taste on her tongue did she swallow and look at Alder again.
“So who am I now? I’m no longer a part of you, and I’m not the problem either, so who does that make me?”
Alder again didn’t answer immediately, but a muscle in her cheek twitched as she clenched her jaw. Tally saw it clearly, just as she saw her struggling with her thoughts.
“I want… I want to be someone for you, Sarah,” Tally said, her voice shaking slightly as she tried not to sound desperate. “You know how I felt when… you know that I still—”
“I know.”
Tally closed her eyes tightly, tears burning beneath them.
“Then why…” she whispered, her voice breaking as her throat tightened.
She felt more than heard the movement, a faint rustle of fabric and a less subtle shift in the air. The initial contact made her flinch in surprise, but then she melted at the gentle touch of cool fingers on her cheek. She leaned into it, nuzzling her face in the woman’s palm but keeping her eyes closed.
“I’ve met so many people in my long, long life, and no one has ever made such an impression on me as you. I’ve hated and loved, admired and feared, but not one of them has made me feel what you did.”
The scent of Alder enveloped her, her proximity seeming so real and yet still like a figment of her imagination, something she so desperately longed for. A shiver ran through her body, unrelated to the cool evening air, and the silence around them was broken only by their mingling breaths.
“I have all my Biddies in my mind with me, always, and they don’t take up as much space as you do. From the moment our minds touched, I knew you were different, that you were the one."
Alder’s low voice seemed to vibrate through Tally’s body, making her tremble. Her long fingers trailed further down her cheek and then slid down to the nape of her neck.
“And you still are. The one who never leaves my mind.”
There was another shift in the air, and a feathery touch landed on Tally’s lips. Without hesitation, she chased after it, deepening the kiss, melting into the softness that met her. She reached out, grasping blindly, and pulled Alder closer, wrapping her arms around the woman.
Sarah’s hand slid deeper into her hair, the other mirroring Tally’s movements, embracing her tightly. Her lips moved against Tally’s and she inhaled sharply through her nose as she let her in.
When they finally pulled away, a dark blush spread across Tally’s face and her rapid breathing mixed with a quiet laugh that escaped her throat. Sarah looked at her, her blue eyes filled with so many different emotions, almost glowing, making Tally’s heart swell.
But the smile melted from her lips.
“So let me be the one, Sarah,” she whispered. “I don’t want to be a stranger to you again, when you wake up tomorrow and realize it was a mistake.”
Tally saw her words sink in, and a pained look crossed Sarah’s face. She reached out to Tally, opening her mouth, but then a new voice sounded beside them.
“Oh, you won’t, we’ll make sure of that.”
Tally jumped, startled. She only caught Sarah rolling her eyes in exasperation before she turned her head and saw Devon standing a few feet away. Her brow was furrowed and her arms were crossed over her chest, but her eyes sparkled with amusement and something else Tally couldn’t quite place. Behind her stood Charlotte and Elise, both beaming at Tally.
Tally felt her face flush and wanted to pull away from Sarah, but Sarah held her in place, lightly squeezing her arm in a reassuring gesture.
Devon took another step towards them.
“Sorry to interrupt, Tally, but it’s well past Sarah’s bedtime and we were starting to worry when she shut us out,” she said with a smug smile, looking at them. “We came to check if everything was okay, but it’s clearly better than okay,” she laughed, and Sarah let out a heavy sigh.
Tally couldn’t help but also smile, but after a moment, it too faded, and this time she managed to pull away from Sarah. Devon’s attentive gaze missed nothing.
She gave Sarah a sharp look and smacked her lips, shaking her head. In a second, she closed the distance between them and pushed herself between Tally and Sarah, elbowing the latter aside.
“Oh no, honey, no need for that,” she said, taking Tally’s arm and smiling warmly at her. “Sarah is stubborn as a mule, but today she lost every argument she ever had. Trust me, we won’t let her screw up again.”
“Devon…”
“Shush you,” Devon waved her hand, silencing Sarah. “Now that that’s settled, I believe you were heading somewhere? Before you decided this was the perfect moment for big words?”
She focused her full attention again on Tally.
“Come on, Tally, it’s been an eventful day, you can barely stand.” Devon patted her arm and leaned in, lowering her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “And on our way to the infirmary, you can tell us in detail what happened, the girls are dying to know.”
The shy smile returned to Tally’s face, and she nodded in agreement. As they started walking down the road toward the buildings ahead, she turned her head to Sarah, who had already crossed to her other side.
Their eyes met and a silent understanding passed between them; no more words were needed that evening. Tally’s smile brightened and she extended her hand toward Sarah. The corner of Sarah’s mouth lifted, and she took her hand, lacing their fingers tightly together.