Chapter Text
Chapter 1
Shizuru yawned as she woke up from the bed, finding it empty, and sighed. She didn't expect it to be any different, after all it always seemed to be. Empty...again. Her home was on the outskirts of the main city. She liked to escape and get a little peace and quiet every now and then. There wasn't anything wrong with wanting to be a little lonely. It made the heart fonder, after all, but, when that loneliness lingered, it hurt. Natsuki...why do you do that. The milky white sheets were devoid of anything but the scent of sports deodorant. Something most assuredly belonging to Natsuki. Shizuru cursed at that, as she parted her lips, trying desperately to remember to breathe, but not even that could register. Why do you push yourself?
She half expected to see dark biking leathers draped over the clothing rack, or rumpled up on the floor. Of course, that was dreaming for more than she knew she should be. Not even a thing had changed, and there was no sign of life. She knew Natsuki was mystery, for most, but that's what had been bugging her. In fact, that was her entire reason for this trip. To get away. To hide. To run...to forsake everything she thought she felt. Why did you want to come with me? A shuttering breath was more than enough of a call, and when Shizuru closed her eyes, she could see the image of that lone figure following her all night. Why force yourself to feel something that you simply can't?
Shizuru realized then, just what the predicament was. After all, she'd tried, disparately hard, to keep her own feelings locked away. I won't leave you. She wanted to keep Natsuki close, all the while pushing her further and further away. But...this hurts. It was a confusing torrent that sparked animosity, fighting, and even, the lingering fears and uncertainty. That type of thing beckoned frightened emerald eyes. What are you so afraid of?
However, unlike Shizuru thought, Natsuki wasn't running away from her, nor was she letting go. She remembered how tightly that gloved arm had latched onto her wrist, but as painful as it had been, the tears that had poured freely from Natsuki's eyes hurt worse. Why were you trembling?
It was then Shizuru realized she'd gotten what she felt she needed, in the worst way possible. Somehow, by trying to keep her feelings in check, without knowing it, she'd built a wall that frightened Natsuki. It threatened to tear them apart, and the turmoil engulfed them. They needed a vacation, a reprieve, a way out from everything that the battles had been. What they needed most, was what caused this entire mess in the first place.
Distance...
A time to think, and reflect on their own time, and in her own way. Shizuru needed that the most, and Natsuki's brand of searching often caused trouble. Shizuru supposed, that if they were going to muddle through things, it may as well be together. Still, her heart trembled in the worst of ways, fearing her every move would be taken in the wrong way. Shizuru was never going to abandon Natsuki, but, she could tell that Natsuki would insist to come along. A long night's drive brought them here, to the outskirts of everything that could possibly trouble them.
Now, they were stuck here alone.
Natsuki too, had been searching for an answer that wasn't quite so far out of reach, and yet, it wasn't as easily defined as Shizuru wished it would be. Natsuki was edging closer, over time, to Shizuru in ways the woman of tawny tresses wasn't quite so sure about. It seemed almost as if Natsuki wanted to act upon something, and would almost even try, only to come up short. Natsuki was driving her crazy, and most people would have thought Natsuki's natural curiosity would have been a good thing.
It should have been, I should be happy. Shizuru assumed, even as she found Natsuki sleeping outside in the morning sun, the puppy she'd acquired not a few months ago now nearly big enough to be a pillow. It wasn't quite so easy though. Natsuki had become for better or for worse, a different person after the carnival. She was more calm, a tiny bit more mellow. However, Natsuki was still as single minded as ever, and her pursuit of something left her frustrated if it eluded her.
Determination and Natsuki weren't always a good mix. I've always loved that about her...love...damn it, Natsuki.
It was however the mix that had been aimed not so gently in Shizuru's general direction. Shizuru sighed at that, this was a dangerous game...dangerous, and oh so addictive. She contemplated splashing herself with the ice water she'd acquired from the kitchen, but settled for chomping on the cubes instead, trying desperately to keep her eyes off of the exposed belly that was chiseled into fine womanly abs. There was something hard about Natsuki. Hard and defined, strong and powerful...and yet there was more to it than simply that...her very strength is softened by her more womanly passions. An exceedingly large wardrobe collection something Natsuki took pride in. She had an affinity for bra's and panties, but there were even times when Natsuki found herself addicted to entire lines from a distributor.
Hugo Boss, one of her favorites, often cluttered her already packed closet. While it was true Natsuki didn't often dress womanly, and hated skirts with a vengeance, she was always one for blazers, something Shizuru took a particular level of amusement in. Natsuki wasn't the type to wear elegant, or frilly things, but rather, she wished to damn it all to hell. She can make a white shirt look like a masterpiece. Especially if it happened to be one of the ones found in the man's section. Natsuki would wear it around the house for comfort, or before bed. It was just long enough to tease wickedly, and short enough that someone could see the form fitting boy shorts that Natsuki had on.
Shizuru frowned when she realized why Natsuki wasn't actually using her side of the bed. When had their friendship become so complicated? When did Natsuki herself, push beyond the lines? This was all very confusing, and once again, Shizuru realized her escape was not quite an escape. It was as if she was locked away in a prison...one she'd built herself, painstakingly so.
"Shizuru...do you think that this is okay?" The murmur had been so quiet, Shizuru had to stop and think about the fact that Natsuki's voice was hardly a tremble.
"I wish I knew." It was all Shizuru could say as she looked down at Natsuki's form. Each time her heart beat, it felt heavy. Her bare feet upon the wood floor seemed like a drum as she neared the woman, kneeling down. A soft wane of remorse drifting across her face as her thumb pulled away the stray tear. "Crying doesn't suit you."
"If that's what you think, you don't really know me at all." Natsuki's lips hardly moved, as she closed those stern emerald eyes of hers. "People always tell others, to do what their heart tells them." Then, her eyes opened slowly revealing all of the vulnerability she truly felt. "But, what do I do, when my heart feels like it's being crushed..." The blink of an eye, and yet, so much truth poured out. "And, no matter what I do, it won't go away. What do I do?"
"You try to heal the wounds." Though, she doubted anything could mend the slowly crumbling world around them. Once again, those eyes shimmered with something that seemed like a haunted figment of the past. Oh...you do love to play dangerously...don't you, my Natsuki. Slowly, a hand came up to cup Shizuru's cheek. It was cool, and clammy. "Natsuki...don't do this." Shizuru sighed as she pulled the hand away, and kissed every single knuckle. Don't force yourself into difficult places. "I love you, but, you don't have to return that."
"Idiot." Natsuki let it fly quickly, but quietly from her mouth. "It's not that I don't want to be that way." She looked away at that, focusing on the puppy paw in front of her, rubbing it with the back of one of her fingers. "I've just gotten the hang of having friends." A deep red blush covered her face, made more apparent from the black fur around her. "I don't know how to do anything else."
"You could have fooled me, on several occasions." The admission was endearing, but it was also a reminder of just how petrified Natsuki was. "What is it?" Those glistening emerald eyes were focused right upon her lips.
"N-nothing." Natsuki replied after she sat up and turned away.
Shizuru could only smile softly. If that's what my Natsuki wants...that's what she'll get. Slowly, as not to startle her, she edged closer, so that their knees were touching. "Come here." Even as she said the words, her hands were already cupping Natsuki's blush stained cheeks, chastely pressing her lips to Natsuki's own.