Chapter Text
It happened in a moment.
Shane sat on a lumby hotel bed, watching the Ottawa Centaurs game against the Boston Bears and studying the way Ilya skated. The beautiful lines he cut across the ice as if he were weightless. He flowed and dodged through the other players in the way Shane was so familiar with. He was playing perfectly, and the Centaurs were already up by 1 in the first period. Shane was in a hotel room across the country while his fiancé was playing hockey in Shane's hometown, and he couldn’t be there. Hayden had gone out to celebrate their own win, and Shane had made an excuse of being tired and wanting to head to bed early to escape being forced to dance with some random women in a dark, sweaty room with loud music. And now he was able to pull out his necklace, where he kept his ring, and fiddle with it idly to feel closer to Ilya.
Ilya had the puck; he sped towards the goal. Shane could see the signature smirk he wore whenever he knew he was going to score. It made his heart thrum with the desire to be there with him on the ice, playing beside him instead of against.
But then in a moment, everything crumpled around him.
~
Yuna Hollander thought she knew everything about her son; she had raised him, given him life, and nurtured his love of hockey. As his parents, they were innately able to tell when something was wrong. Today, what she didn’t know was that something he had been hiding may very well uproot everything she had assumed.
Yuna and David sat cuddled together on the couch. They had been watching Shane's game against the New York Admirals (which he had won). After it was over, they chose to watch the Ottawa game. They may root for their son, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t have any loyalty to their city's team. Ever since Ilya Rozanov had decided to trade to the team, they had been playing better than ever, maybe even good enough to win a cup. It had been a strange choice by Rozanov; he could be on any team he wanted, and in the past, Ottawa had been less than perfect, especially for such a talented player. Yuna had wondered if he had met someone. In the past, he was a notorious ladies' man; the past few years though, he hadn’t been linked to anyone, not even a hookup. No matter how much Yuna hated him for being a fantastic player, she knew he and Shane were in the same situation; their careers made love hard. She had been trying to set Shane up with a friend's daughter, but he was so strongly opposed to even the suggestion of a date that she backed off. It was interesting. Yuna wanted to know why. David had talked her down from snooping, though, because he thought Shane must have a good reason not to share. Yuna just hoped Shane wasn’t sleeping with a married woman; she raised him better than that.
On the screen, Rozanov was skating rapidly towards the goal with the puck. He really was the second best in the league (after Shane, of course). His technique was flawless, and Yuna was positive this would be his second goal of the game, one away from a hat trick.
Suddenly, a Bears player came out of nowhere and hit Rozanov into the boards hard enough for Yuna to gasp. He stole the puck and skated away, but her attention was still on the man lying on the ice, not getting up.
~
Shane watched in horror as Ilya lay still on the ice. There was a trickle of blood coming from his helmet that made Shane want to sob. The medics swiftly surrounded him, put him on a board, and took him off the ice. Still, the blood pooled on ice, staining it crimson. Shane felt tears streaming down his face, and his breathing was shallow and rapid. He heard an echo of Ilya's voice in his head, “Hollander, you’re having panic attack.” Fuck, Ilya. He’d be alone in a sterile hospital room. Shane wouldn’t know his condition till the team posted about it because no one knew. No one knew Ilya had a fiancé who was coming undone, sobbing while staring at the TV. Shane didn’t know what to do; the soonest he could get on a flight would probably be tomorrow morning. And he’d have to explain to his coach and teammates why he urgently needed to go home and miss the next game. FUCK! His hands worried over his ring, and his heartbeat felt like he had just come off the ice after an intense match. He needed to call someone, anyone who might know where they were taking Ilya, needed someone to be with him while he couldn’t.
Shane didn’t know any of Ilya's teammates, and even if he did, they were still playing the game on the screen, obviously rattled by their captain getting taken off the ice by a medical team. He could call Svetlana, but she’d probably know less than he did. He could do something stupid. He could call his mom and ask her to find out where Ilya was taken and go be with him. She would be able to find out, but she’d have questions, ones Shane wasn’t sure he could answer in this state. He had to, though, because Ilya was his everything.
He wiped his eyes and tried to steady his breathing unsuccessfully. Then picked up his phone and called, waiting with bated breath as it rang for what felt like an eternity.
~
As Yuna watched them haul Rozanov off the ice, her heart hurt a little for him; his family, so far away in Russia, wouldn’t be with him. Even when Shane got the slightest injury, she took care of him like a baby again because, in her eyes, he was still the little boy wobbling on his skates and skinning his knee when he fell. Poor Rozanov didn’t have that here.
Her phone started ringing from across the room, buzzing on the counter. She slowly climbed out of her embrace with David to grab the phone. The screen flashed with Shane's name. It was surprising because she thought he would be out with his team celebrating a good win. As she picked up, she could immediately tell something was wrong. She could hear it in her son's breathing, rough and fast, like he was crying.
“Honey?”
~
When his mom picked up, he could feel some of his stress seep out at her soft tone. He was still crying, unable to stop the intense worry from overwhelming him.
“Honey?”
He just cried over the line, unable to get the words out. He knew he was worrying her, but he felt like everything was spiralling out of control. The game was still playing in the background, and he couldn’t even bother to find the remote to turn it off.
“Mama…” He finally was able to push out the word; his crying subsided slightly as he tried to match her breathing over the phone.
“Shane, Baby, you’re scaring me. What's wrong? Are you hurt?” He wasn’t, not physically, but he did feel like his heart had been ripped out of his chest seeing Ilya unconscious and bleeding onto glimmering ice. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw it again: the way Ilya’s body crumpled, the unnatural stillness, the panic in the arena.
“No…No, I’m not hurt,” His voice trembled, and he took a deep breath. He had to keep acting, for Ilyas' safety and for their careers. “...Did you see the Centaurs game?” He chose his words carefully. If they had seen it, maybe they would be less confused about being asked to find out when Ilya was and visiting him while Shane figured out how to get there.
“Yes, we’re watching it right now…Shane, I need to know what's wrong, please.”
~
Yuna didn’t know what was happening. Her son sounded like he was having a panic attack, like he was searching for words and unable to find them. She was at the point of begging him to tell her what was wrong so she could fix it. He was asking about the Centaurs game, and she couldn’t hide her worry and confusion from her voice.
“Shane. You need to breathe. In, out, in, out,” She coached him in breathing, hoping maybe if he calmed down, he could get the words out better. It sounded like he was alone, not in a club bathroom like she thought he might be, but in a private area.
“Ilya…Fuck. Rozanov.” She was so confused, since when did her son, whom she thought hated him with a passion, call Rozanov by his first name? Rozanov had even made it clear in past interviews that almost no one called him by his first name because in Russian culture it was a very intimate, informal act. “He…He got hurt. Fuck!” It sounded over the phone like Shane had hit a pillow. His breathing was more normal, but she was his mother; she could hear the tremble in his voice that meant he was still crying. This is quite possibly one of the strangest and most worrying phone calls Yuna has ever had. David had heard her worried voice and was now standing nearby with a questioning expression. “I… Jesus…I need you to find out what hospital he’s in, and go be with him until I can get home to be with him.” He sounded fearful, like there was more to this, and Yuna, for the very first time, wondered if she had missed a critical detail of her son's life. Why would her son care so much about a rival that he’s coming home to visit him in the hospital?
“Okay... He’s not family, so I’m not even sure if we’ll be let in, honey. I’ll try, though. Sweetheart, why do you need us to go be with Rozanov, I thought we hated him?” She couldn’t stop the question from slipping out. She had already resolved she’d be doing exactly what Shane asked her to; she had to know why, so she wasn’t walking blind into a situation she had no knowledge of.
“He’s…” There's a loaded sigh from Shane's end of the phone, “He’s a friend…” Yuna knew there was more to it, but she wouldn’t push; it was obvious Shane was on the verge of hyperventilating. She just wanted her baby not to panic.
“Okay, that's okay, we’ll find him and tell you what's happening, just focus on calming down. He’d want you to be strong.” She had no idea what Rozanov would want, but this seemed to do the trick, as Shane started breathing normally and sniffled instead of the full sobs he had been having for the past few minutes.
“He’ll…Fuck. He’ll want the navy hoodie. It’s at the cottage, in my closet. It's huge, you can’t miss it.” Yuna’s mind is racing, trying to reconcile the rivalry she thought she knew so much about with the fact that her son knew what hoodie Rozanov would want in the hospital, and it BEING IN HIS HOUSE. “Mama…I know this is strange, but I can’t…I can’t explain right now. Please just tell me his condition when you find out, please…”
“Alright, we’ll do that. Will you be okay alone? Is Hayden nearby? Maybe you should be with someone.” She really didn’t want to hang up when her son was this upset, but it sounded like he needed her to be with Rozanov. Hayden was Shane's best friend (or was he? This was so confusing.) If he didn’t know what was going on, no one would. Shane shuts down when he’s emotional. She knew this, but his team wouldn’t. She needs him to be safe.
“Hayden will be back soon, just call me as soon as you get to Ilya…” He coughed as if trying to hide the fact that he said his first name. “…Rozanov.” Shane hung up, and Yuna’s head was reeling. But she immediately started pulling strings to find out which hospital hockey players were brought to in Ottawa.
“David, we’re apparently visiting Rozanov in the hospital tonight.”
~
Shane stared at his phone long after hanging up. He had to be strong for Ilya. He sat on the bed like that till the door opened and a happy Hayden walked in, trying to be quiet but failing. He looked surprised to see Shane awake. Shane didn’t look at him until he cleared his throat.
“Thought you’d be asleep, Captain.” As Shane looked up at him, Hayden's face changed drastically. “Fuck are you okay? We won, why are you crying?” Shane wishes so badly he could tell him the truth; he trusted Hayden, but he was in this relationship with another person. They both had to be okay telling someone.
“Someone I care about back home got badly hurt.” It was the closest he could get to the truth.
“Shit, of course you aren’t okay. Come here.” Shane tensed as Hayden pulled him into a hug; he hadn’t been able to tell how badly he needed this until he started sobbing again into Hayden's shoulder. “Can I do anything to help?”
“I-I need to get back to be with them as soon as possible, might need to miss the next few games, nobody knows how bad it is, but …” But what? He couldn’t exactly tell Hayden about the blood on the ice, that would make it obvious who he was talking about. “But, I just need to be there.”
“Okay, we’ll get you there. It’ll be okay, Shane.” He rubbed Shane's back and hugged him, and Shane felt less alone. The downwards spiral was still there, but less so.
~
David drove to the cottage while Yuna spoke on the phone with people trying to find out where Rozanov is. He’s still in Ottawa, that's for sure. She thankfully knows Ottawa's coach personally, and this is an emergency.
“Hello, Richard? It's Yuna. This is going to sound strange, but I really need to know which hospital Rozanov was brought to. Shane is very worried and wants us to visit him.” He answers on the other side of the line, “Yes, I know, they aren’t exactly close, but they have grown up together, and he seems concerned he’s losing someone who actually challenges him.” Yuna knows that is not why Shane is worried; all she knows is that he cares about Rozanov, so she will lie to find out where he is. “The Ottawa Hospital? Thank you so much, we really hope he’s okay.” She hangs up and sighs.
“What are we doing, David? This boy doesn’t know us.”
“He doesn’t, but based on what you told me, he knows Shane. Very well…” David looks at her for a brief second before looking back at the road. There is understanding there, and Yuna has the innate feeling that they both have a theory. A theory that might get confirmed in the next few hours.
They pull up to Shane's cottage, and Yuna goes in to look for the hoodie. She hasn’t been inside since the last time Shane had some time off; she swears it seems different somehow. There are small items left around that show someone spends a lot of time here. Keys on the counter for a car she’s pretty sure Shane doesn’t own, a case of a drink she’s never seen before, but thinks might be Russian, and a note on the fridge in another language that she ignores trying not to think about why it might be there. When she gets to Shane's bedroom the bed is messy in a way she knows he wouldn’t leave it. Fuck, it's like she's walking into a home that's not just used in the summer. She feels like she's intruding in her own son's house. She quickly goes into the closet and decides to ignore the fact that half of it is filled with designer brands she knows Shane doesn’t wear, especially since none of them are his size. She does easily find the hoodie; it is very soft and well-worn, and it smells like the cologne Shane likes. It is Shane's hoodie…And he thought it would comfort Ilya Rozanov. The things keep piling up until she comes to an earth-shattering realization. Oh dear god, her son is in love with a man she's talked shit about for years.
She leaves quickly because she feels like she's witnessing something Shane hasn’t wanted her to see. When she sits back in the car with David, she looks shellshocked.
“I think it is very important we go take care of this man, David. Because I believe our son forgot to tell us some major details about them.”
~
Shane sits on the bed and stares at his phone, willing it to brighten with a text from ‘Lily’ or even his mom calling to tell him how Ilya is. Hayden is on the phone with their coach in the hall. He had seen how shaken up Shane was and volunteered to explain the situation to the coach and his teammates. Shane opens his phone again and goes straight to the texts. The last one he got from ‘Lily’ was ‘Ya tebya lyublyu’, which means ‘I love you’ in Russian. He closed the texts and went straight to booking a flight. It's snowing in New York, and that means all the flights are full of people trying to get back to places before the airports have to cancel flights for safety. Shane books the ticket, one way to Ottawa for tomorrow at 9am, it's the earliest flight he can find but that time will feel like eternity when he knows Ilya is laying in a hospital bed alone.
His phone rings with an unknown number with an Ottawa area code.
He picks up quickly and answers with a shaky voice. “Hello?”
“Hello, is this Shane Hollander? This is Ottawa Hospital calling because you are listed as Ilya Rozanov's emergency contact.” Fuck, Shane hadn’t known Ilya had made him that. Thank god he did, though, because this is the first time in the past hour that Shane has felt anything besides dismay and stress.
“Yes! Yes, this is him. What is his condition? I can’t get there and fuck…my parents are coming to be with him.”
“He is stable, but we do have some worries about a severe concussion. He is still unconscious and has a broken collar bone and a dislocated shoulder that we have set back into place.” Oh god, Ilya.
“Oh god, fuck please take care of him, I’m coming there as soon as I can. My parents, Yuna and David Hollander, will be there soon. Please let them in. Shit, they don’t know he is my fiancé.” Of course, Hayden chose that moment to come back into the room. Shane knows he heard, but he’s focused on the nurse on the other end of the phone telling him that his parents will be put on the list of people allowed in. He thanks her and then hangs up.
They look at each other in silence. Hayden doesn’t look disgusted, but he does look like he’s doing some mental gymnastics.
“Hayden…” Shane whispers, and he doesn’t even care that Hayden now knows he is gay. But he does care if it means he's about to be left alone with the anxiety tearing him apart.
“Your fiancé is hurt?”
Shane thought he was going to ask, ‘Your fiancé is a man?’ or ‘You are gay?’. But his tone is gentle and comforting.
“If Jackie were in the hospital, I would be freaking out so much more than you are. Shit, Shane buddy, you could have told me.”
Shane breaks down for what feels like the 1000th time that night and sobs into his hands, because Ilya is hurt, because his best friend doesn’t hate him for being gay, because his parents are going to meet his fiancé officially for the first time without him there.
“He broke his collarbone.” The pronouns are out there; if Hayden hadn’t heard them earlier, he definitely heard them now. It's not the full extent of the injuries, but he still isn’t sure about letting Hayden connect the dots of Ilya being his fiancé without his permission.
“Fuck, that is not a fun injury.” Hayden sat next to him on the bed. “You know I don’t care that he’s a man, right? I want to meet the person you love. If you had told me you had someone, I would have stopped setting you up ages ago.” Shane leans into him.
“I know, it's just hard, there are a lot of circumstances stopping us from being out. I’m gay, by the way, those dates wouldn’t have ever worked even if I didn’t have him.” Hayden laughs, subdued but enough for Shane to feel less like becoming one with the earth.
“Thanks for telling me, even if I kind of walked in on it.”
“I wanted to tell you, but Il-He is also pretty high profile, so we haven’t told anyone, not even my parents.” If Hayden notices the almost name slip, he’s kind enough not to mention it, and he sits with Shane as he stresses waiting for Yuna to call from the hospital.
~
As Yuna and David park, they discuss whether they should bring up what is becoming evident to them. “Should we ask about their relationship?” Yuna says, unsure.
“No, we need one of them to tell us, it's a tough situation they are in. Shane needs to tell us when he’s comfortable, not just because we figured out that they are dating.” Yuna knows he’s right, but she can’t stop wondering if it was something she said about Rozanov that made Shane keep it a secret. That home didn’t look like Rozanov was staying for a few days; it looked like he lived there, with Shane. She never meant to make her baby uncomfortable telling her anything, especially if he was gay. She'd been pushing him towards women forever, not even stopping to consider that they weren’t working out because he wasn’t into them. She had assumed, just like everyone, that men who loved hockey and everything stereotypically masculine would be straight. She feels awful; she should never have assumed anything.
They rush into the hospital lobby and go directly to the front desk. “We’re here for Ilya Rozanov, our son sent us, Shane Hollander?” God, she hoped Shane was somewhere in Rozanov's file.
“Ah, yes, the parents, I assume? Mr.Hollander told us to expect you when we called him to inform him of Mr. Rozanov's condition. He is his emergency contact, so we are allowed to let you in to visit. His room is in the private sector on the second floor, 15B. This pass will allow you in. He is stable but heavily sedated and unconscious.” Yuna lets out a sigh of relief; her son was told how Rozanov is. Hopefully, he’d be able to get here soon so she could be told what was happening.
They go quickly to the elevator and then to Rozanov’s room. They’re quiet as they open the door, being respectful to the fact he is unconscious. The 6’3 man looks so small in the bed, his arm in a sling and a deep cut with stitches prominent on his forehead. Yuna has the urge to pet his hair, as she would Shane's. He’s so different up close and in a hospital bed. His curls are mussed, and his lips are parted as he breathes slowly and shallowly. He’s nothing like the cocky asshole she saw during games; he's just somebody's son. That's the thought that makes her break into tears. This boy, who she’s pretty sure her son loves, is so far from all of his family and was all alone in a hospital room for the past 2 hours. She gives in to instinct and goes to pet his hair as gently as possible, careful not to hurt him.
“I’m going to find his doctor to hear the full extent of his injuries. Stay here with our boy’s, boy.” David pecks her cheek and leaves to find the doctor. Yuna drapes the hoodie across Ilya's chest like a blanket and keeps soothing him motherly.
She pulls up a chair and then calls Shane.
~
When Shane’s phone finally rings with a call from his mom, he picks it up so fast he thinks he almost breaks it.
“Are you with him? Is he awake? Tell him I’m going to be there as soon as possible. He likes it when his hand is held. Fuck tell me he’s okay, Mama.” It's a waterfall of words, not a single space between any of them. And when he’s done, he is breathless.
Hayden listens silently, hoping to hear good news.
“I’m with him, but he’s heavily sedated, so he’s asleep. Your dad went to talk to the doctor, and the hit landed pretty hard. He’s definitely concussed, god Shane, he looks so sweet. Wish this wasn’t the way we were meeting him, as your uh…Friend?” She definitely knows he’s more, fuck, this is not how he wanted to do this.
“Fuck…Mama, I lied, he’s not just a friend, but you know that already. I’m so in love with him. We’ll tell you more about what we are when he wakes up, and I'm with you. I just needed him to be with someone I trusted. Thank you for being with him when I needed you to be with him.” Shane is crying, but not just out of fear this time; it's relief at being sort of out to his mom.
“Shane, we love you more than anything. Nothing, especially this, is going to change that. You never have to thank me for caring about you; it's my job. I love you, honey”
“I love you too, Mama. Tell him I love him for me. The earliest flight is tomorrow, and I'm trying so hard to get to him. Hold his hand for me. I’ll see you tomorrow. Keep me updated, especially if he wakes up.”
~
Yuna sits near Rozanov and holds his hand like Shane asked her to. She knew it was more the second she walked into their home, not that she knew it was their home before that. She hopes that Rozanov wakes up soon so that she doesn’t have to think about her son so far away worrying for his (boy)friend? She knows it’s romantic. Shane confirmed that when he said he loved him. Her head is whirling with emotions and questions. How long has this been going on? They lived with each other when they could, that much was obvious, and they had said I love you.
A nurse walks in holding a bag and looks shocked to see her but quickly shifts her expression. “These are Mr.Rozanov’s personal belongings, his hockey gear was sent back to the arena.” Yuna looks curiously at the bag; it probably has his phone and other things that might tell her something about him besides his hockey stats. She sets the bag down and then goes to check his vitals, “He’s doing well, might even wake up in the next few hours. Are you his Mother?” Yuna was obviously not his mother but with the way she was acting, she could see why the nurse asked.
“No, my son is his close…friend, and he can’t get here till tomorrow so I’m staying with him and keeping him company.” The nurse nodded along politely and adjusted his IV.
“We’ll be checking him every hour but his injuries were thankfully not life-threatening. If he wakes up please press this button to call his doctor.” She points to a green call button above the bed then leaves.
Yuna looks at the bag. It's pretty empty, probably because Rozanov came in during a game. There’s a glint of gold she can see and she has a vague memory of Rozanov talking about his cross necklace and how it meant a lot to him. She thinks he’d want to be wearing it in this scary environment, she’s not going to snoop, she's just going to grab the necklace and put it on him.
She reaches into the bag and grabs the chain tugging gently to pull it free. It's tangled and she doesn’t look at it too closely till she realizes it is wound around his shirt. She untangles the chain slowly but then gasps when it's finally loose. On the chain next to a Russian Orthodox cross is a ring. It's thin and the gold matches the chain perfectly; she knows if she moved it to Rozanov- no- Ilya’s hand it would fit his ring finger. It's extremely well taken care of, polished, and clean. Yuna feels tears welling in her eyes, they were engaged, and Shane would have told them if they had gotten married. Or she at least hoped he would. This man with moles dotting his skin, sweaty curls, and a mouth that sets off the most peaceful player, is going to be her son-in-law and she didn’t know because Shane had been scared to tell them.
David walks in holding two steaming cups of coffee and Yuna turns towards him while delicately holding the necklace out for him to see. She can see the cogs turning in his head and then it's his turn to have tears welling in his eyes.
“He hid it, David, he hid that he was in love because of the things I said about his fiancé.” She is crying now because this is her fault, she has said so many things over the years. She could even remember a lunch where she had told Shane ‘Fuck Ilya Rozanov, right up the butt.’ It was so long ago, they couldn’t have possibly been together then, yet it was homophobic towards her son's future partner and she can’t take it back. She assumed so many things. Said so many things that couldn’t have been easy for Shane to listen to.
“I haven’t experienced it but I’m sure the situation is much more complicated. He’s from Russia for fuck sake, there’s no way anyone knows, they were keeping each other safe.” David comes close and hugs Yuna as she cries. Yuna hadn’t even thought about the fact that he’s Russian, he would be arrested in his home country for this. It makes her shudder, she’s already considering the documents they will need to get him citizenship. Fuck, she just wants her boy to be able to be in love easily. This would never be easy. She knows logically why he didn’t tell her but the pain still lingers from not getting to know Ilya when they were still new.
“This could have been happening for so long. How did we not notice? How was I so blind? I thought he hated him.” Yuna’s voice is quiet as she moves to put the necklace around Ilya’s neck. She feels like an idiot, Shane has been so secretive and she just assumed he was shy about a girlfriend. She lightly lifts the injured man's head to slip the necklace around him, as she does so, Ilya makes a small groan. Her reaction is immediate, reaching out for his hand with one hand and pressing the call button with the other. “Shh, it's okay you’re in the hospital Ilya.”
Ilya's eyes attempt to open slightly but he closes them quickly at the fluorescent hospital lights, Yuna gestures for David to turn them off and flips on the bedside lamp. A dim warm light fills the room, much better for a concussed hockey player. His uninjured hand reaches up to his neck slowly with his eyes still closed and he feels around for a second before his hand closes around the necklace and ring. He holds it tightly except he moves it so it's hidden under the blankets, out of sight. Yuna isn’t sure if he is conscious of what he’s doing or if it's out of instinct that he keeps it hidden. She hopes he isn’t doing it because he knows who they are, it would just confirm that he’s scared of their reaction.
“…Solnyshko…” His eyes crack slightly and scan the room, not giving Yuna and David any mind. Yuna knows he’s speaking Russian, it makes sense after an injury to go back to the language you know best. She wishes she knew what he said though so she could give him some type of answer. The doctor comes in at that moment and starts doing exams, Yuna is politely asked to step aside by a nurse, she and David stand in the corner watching.
The doctor runs through a familiar routine, checking Ilya’s pupils and asking him to squeeze his fingers, lift his hand, and follow a pen with his eyes. Ilya manages most of it, slow and uncoordinated, but present. He mumbles something under his breath, questioning and almost sad, and shifts as much as the sling and brace allow. The movement earns a sharp inhale through his teeth, pain flashing briefly across his face before it smooths back into something more normal for him, exhausted in the stark white bed sheets, detached. She had always thought his indifferent attitude should be changed, possibly even punched off his face. Now she thinks it’s an act, it probably always had been and she couldn’t see it because all she did was assume. His eyes are more open now and he seems to notice them for the first time. If she hadn’t been paying such close attention she wouldn’t have noticed his eyes widening in recognition and then shock for a second before settling again with a weary look.
The doctor talks to him low and quiet, “You were hit hard, you won’t be playing the rest of the season but with physical therapy and rest you will go back to terrorizing Montreal the same as before. You’ll be able to go home tomorrow as long as we can confirm you will have someone caring for you.” The doctor smiles slightly at Yuna and David before continuing. “No screens, and nothing active while you are healing. We Ottawa fans need our best player without damage so we can win a cup next season.” The doctor winks and leaves after making sure Ilya’s pain meds are on the correct dose.
When they are all alone together in the room it's strange, she needs to tell Shane Ilya is awake but she also needs to explain their presence to the man himself. Ilya looks at them curiously, slightly delirious. He then seems to settle more into the bed humming in relief. The pain meds must be working then.
“The Hollanderssss. Missing my favorite. Ughhhh….U menya bolit golova. Where…Solnyshko?” Ilya slurs through the English, not fully there yet. The Russian is said through gritted teeth as he brings his hand to his head, Yuna notices his hand is still gripping the necklace tightly. He’s talking about Shane, referring to him as his favorite Hollander. She wasn’t sure he would bring him up, considering they aren’t out. Drugs will tend to make you a little loose-lipped. ‘Solnyshko’, the word he had first said coming out of unconsciousness, he asked for it again. Yuna should figure out what it is and get it for him.
Ilya tries to push himself up with his good arm, wincing as pain rolls through him. The movement is weak and he quickly slumps back. His eyes finally settle on Yuna and David, and confusion warps into something sharper, anxiety, maybe even fear. “Why you here?” he slurs, his accent thicker than usual, suspicion obvious. Yuna has heard him speak before in interviews; she knew his normal types of speaking, cocky, flirty, reserved, and angry. Never fragile like it is now. “Where’s …Sha-Hollander? Why… why you here?” He looks worried. Yuna wants to reassure him but what can she tell him? Shane freaked out and sent us here? He didn’t tell us about your relationship? We accidentally stumbled into knowing you will be our son-in-law.
Ilya's breathing grows quicker in panic at their silence. “You… you don’t like me. Why here?” The words come out raw, honest in a way that pain and medication sometimes force. She knew it was their fault that they didn’t know, Ilya clearly thinks they hate him. Rivalries were always played up in hockey, it was hard not to get immersed in the idea that they hated each other off the ice. Yuna should have been better than that. She shouldn’t act like the media, taking everything at face value. It might have caused irreparable damage to her relationship with her son, he didn’t tell her. “Is Shane here? He… he mad?” Ilya's voice is once again a bullet in the quiet. Yuna wants to hold him tight and tell him that Shane loves him so much and the only reason they are there is because he couldn’t let Ilya be alone. She just can’t find the words to tell him, so she looks at David. Her eyes pleaded with him to explain.
“Shane is in New York. The earliest flight he could get is tomorrow so he sent us to take care of you. Not mad, just worried about you.” There’s no questioning or hint of knowing the secret the boys were keeping in David's voice, it's steady just telling Ilya what he needs to know. Ilya closes his eyes again, nodding the smallest amount possible.
“Solnyshko is sweet, worrying, sent parents.” It's said to himself but Yuna hears it, she hears the small disbelieving laugh he lets out about them being there. She can’t reconcile this man who she thinks is calling Shane a Russian pet name with the man who is known for being ruthless and dirty on the ice. He hit Shane into the boards so hard last week that his entire side was purple, she was so angry then, she thought he was heartless. She was wrong, she could hear the love in his voice through the disbelief. “Can I call him? Need to tell him am okay. He panics.” She can’t believe this is the same man who she’s cursed for years. He’s the one in the hospital bed but he knows Shane gets panic attacks and needs to be told that he’s awake. She doesn’t think Ilya is supposed to have any phone calls because of the concussion. She knows Shane wouldn’t want to harm him so she offers a solution.
“You are concussed, I can call Shane and tell him you are awake okay?”
”He’ll want to hear me, had concussion before, no screen, yes voice call. I need him.” He’s very insistent, his eyes open again, and settling on Yuna. “Please?” She can’t believe she’s actually in this situation. Ilya Rozanov is pleading with her to call her son, who is apparently his fiancé. Her son is gay, and Ilya Rozanov is gay (maybe, he did really seem to like women). And she’s going to give in because she knows that Shane needs it just as much as Ilya needs it.
As the phone rings on speaker, she wonders if this is all a very strange dream.
~
Shane is praying. He’s never been religious but right now it's all he can think to do. Ilya has some beliefs, ones he got from his family, he doesn’t abide by them In times like these, Ilya would be praying, so Shane does it for him while he can’t. Hayden sits nearby not knowing how he can help. He stays close in case Shane needs something.
Hayden can’t say he knew Shane liked men. There's a stigma surrounding sexuality in sports, especially hockey. He had thought Shane was just shy and had a hard time with women. He tried to help even by finding women he thought Shane would like and then leaving them together or setting them up on dates. He feels guilty, Shane probably felt so scared of the team, or anyone in general, finding out. Hayden found out in the worst way, he wasn’t told, he forced it out by being in the room at the wrong time.
His fiancé, his fucking fiancé… was injured. Hayden didn’t know Shane had anyone, the only person he thought Shane was interested in was a girl named Lily who he refused to let him meet. A girl… who Shane wouldn’t let him meet… who he had been meeting up with for years and was extremely secretive about… Lily was not a girl. How did he not put these things together! He even knew Shane had been extra happy lately and had teased him about Lily finally locking him down, but Shane had waved him off. He had probably just gotten engaged…to a man… whose name probably wasn’t Lily. Hayden was a horrible best friend. And now he was here trying to be supportive, trying to give Shane peace of mind when he was likely going insane with worry.
“How long?” He just wanted to distract Shane from his stress, maybe talking about his fiancé would help. Even if only a little.
Shane looked at him weary and tired. His eyes held a look Hayden couldn’t figure out. “Ten years…” The two simple words were a punch to his gut. Ten years means they were together when Shane was a rookie, or even before he was a rookie… Hayden didn’t even know Shane then. Ten years of hiding. Ten years of teasing from the team. Ten years… Ten years of Lily. Hayden couldn’t hide his shock, For ten years Shane had hidden this and he had definitely been forced to go on blind dates by Hayden and others during that time. He had dated Rose Landry during that time. There’s no way no one else knew, ten years, fiancé, hurt. Shit, this is more than Hayden knew how to deal with. He hadn’t even known Jackie for ten years. And Shane was praying, to a god he didn’t believe in, that his fiancé (who Hayden still didn’t know the name of) would wake up.
Hayden was about to ask more questions but everything stopped when the phone rang again.
~
The second the phone rang with his mom's name flashing bright in the dark room Shane answered, almost dropping it in his haste.
“Solnyshko…” And then Shane is crying again. Fat tears roll down his face and he heaves for air as relief fills his lungs. Ilya’s voice is soft over the phone and he hears the cooing of, “Moya lyubov, I am okay, very well drugged no pain. Your parents are here…are nice.” Shane can’t believe how they have survived ten years of his parents not knowing, he’s so happy that they were able to help. He’s so glad that Ilya is awake. That Hayden knows half the truth, that his parents know the other half of the truth. Today has been a mess for Shane's emotions so he just cries over the phone and Ilya babbles in Russian, loopy but trying to make Shane happy.
“Ilya…god I love you, don’t you ever do this to me again!” He loves him so much. The anger is his release of the pain of the day, the tears are still rolling but less, and his voice is wrecked. And he doesn’t care that Hayden is sitting next to him, only hearing his side of the phone call, hearing the name he’s calling his injured fiancé. Because none of that matters now that he knows Ilya is okay, Ilya is his everything. His home, the only thing that matters to him.
“I miss you, get here soon?” Ilya's accent is strong with exhaustion and being high on medication and Shane can’t stop the thoughts about how they should just stop hiding.
“Sleep darling, I’ll be there tomorrow, my parents will take care of you. I love you, I love you so much, I hate that I’m not with you right now. I love you, Ilya.” Shane can’t tell him enough how much he loves him. He can't make up for the years they didn’t say it but now he can say it as much as possible. He hears the sleepy sigh that comes from the other side of the line.
“Ya tebya lyublyu Shane…Stay till I sleep da?” Shane listens to the soft breathing and he wonders what his parents are thinking currently. They must be in the room, this is his mom's phone. Ilya is concussed he wouldn’t be allowed to use the screen to call him on his own. The breathing evens out, Shane knows his fiancé, he can tell the second he is asleep but he stays anyway because breathing means he’s alive.
~
When Ilya drifted off to sleep Yuna just stared at her phone sitting on the pillow next to his honey blonde curls. Shane hadn’t hung up yet. He hadn’t known that the conversation was on speaker. That they had heard his pain, anger, and love.
David picks up the phone and brings it over to where he and Yuna sit on hard plastic chairs facing the bed. “Hi, son.” It's a quiet greeting, none of them wants to wake Ilya.
“Dad.” Shane's voice is less open and sweet than it had been with Ilya, he sounds bone-deep tired. Yuna wants to tell him to sleep, that he should rest after the events of the day. But she also wants to hear his voice, hear him when he’s relieved of the worry.
“Honey. He’s doing well now. Passed all the tests, they are keeping him for observation tonight but he’ll be released tomorrow…You’ll be taking him home?” Yuna needed to talk to him, but all she could think to say was about Ilya. She can’t ask the obvious questions and she knows all Shane wants right now is to be the one by his bedside instead of his parents. “Does he have any family I should contact for you? In Russia?” She had to clarify, she knew Ilya's father had passed away a few years ago but he never spoke about a mother or any siblings and Yuna hadn’t cared in the past to look anything up.
“Yes, I'm taking him home the first moment I can tomorrow. There is no one to contact…I’m his only family. His parents are both dead and his brother is a piece of homophobic racist shit.” Shane is breathing angrily about the last part and Yuna would like to have a word with this brother, possibly one involving a baseball bat. If Shane is Ilya's family then they are too. Her son has chosen this man for life, Yuna will put aside every preconception she has about him and learn who he really is because he is now her son as well.
“I’m gonna guess you both heard our entire conversation?”
“Yes. We’re sorry, it was private, Ilya had it on speaker.”
“Alright…Well, I guess this is as good a time as any. Mom, Dad,” Shane takes in a deep shuddering breath. “Fuck why is this so hard, you obviously already know.” There's some shuffling and muttering that might have been Hayden on the other line for a good 30 seconds before Shane's voice is back in their ears. “I-Jesus Christ- I’m gay and I would like you to meet the love of my life.”