Work Text:
5 months didn't feel like a lot of time when traveling for shows and navigating a whirlwind of a fresh relationship was flying by, but every day had been a joy for Adam. It was awkward and rocky in the first 3 weeks or so, but over time the three of them made it work.
To be honest, Will's determination had been the start of it all, with some decade long-term feelings brought to light, a bloody rivalry turned to ash, and mutual respect blossoming into adoration and love all wrapped up into an united agreement of giving the relationship a chance.
From then, Adam had tried his best to be the best partner for his two loves, the two that truly did get to know him the most at this point, who made his days better and meant everything to him, that cared for him and allowed Adam to do so in turn.
Unfortunately for Adam, the negative thoughts he'd pushed away a long time ago just had to come back. Not because things had gone wrong. No, it was the opposite. Things had become too good. Too normal. Well, as normal as can be when you're in the wrestling business.
And because things had been too good, inevitably this all had to take a turn for the worse soon… right?
Realizing this at what felt the worst time, sandwiched in between Will and Swerve as they were comfortably snuggled into him for heat, one arm from each man wrapped around him and covering each other's. Will had argued earlier that since Adam was built like a furnace, he and Swerve should benefit, considering the shifting weather.
Adam regretted that decision somewhat, in what had been one of the comfiest nights he'd had in a minute turned suffocating, his anxiety creeping up more and more. Glancing over both his partners (who looked too cute while they slept), he really didn't want to them wake up. At the same time, he needed some air.
So he got out of bed, not without the deep grumbles of both men rousing from sleep, Adam already halfway to the balcony when Will called out sleepily, "What's goin' on? Are you okay, Adam?"
Adam swallowed, looking back at Will and Swerve who were half looking at him, half on their way back to sleep again. Clearing his throat, he replied softly, "Just getting air. Go back to sleep, darling."
Swerve huffed out, "It's chilly out there. At least take your jacket, cowboy."
Adam sighed and took it anyway even though he didn't need it, but a pang of warmth filled his heart, knowing that they both were concerned about him, even half coherent.
Standing on the balcony with the wind lightly breezing by, holding the jacket in his arms, that warm feeling turned cold. Adam forced himself to breathe in and out slowly to stop the panic attack he felt creeping up.
Everything was fine, everything had to be fine. Just because things have been wonderful didn't mean that he would screw things up. That this too would be a thing of the past. Just like…
…No. He couldn't think about that. It was years ago, and he'd reconciled with him by now. It was water under the bridge at this point. Had to be. This time around, he could do things right. Do things better.
He could do this.
-
…So Adam may have lied. A bit. A lot.
After that night in the hotel, his thoughts had continued to spiral more and more, and he couldn't bear to talk about them with Will and Swerve. He'd already been beating himself up over his actions over the last few weeks, and the guilt was growing.
Work was work. He had some matches to do, won a few of them. Promos to cut. All well and good, if you factor in that Adam's been starting to distance himself from his partners and shutting down due to his mental spiral. Both emotionally and physically.
The different yet similar looks of disappointment in Swerve and Will's eyes tugged painfully at Adam's heartstrings each time, when turning down hotel room plans to share a room while on the road, when he made excuses for where he'd been at or what he'd been doing, even going as far as avoiding either of them in the hallway backstage.
He tried to chalk it up to the fact that the two had their own separate commitments and things to do as well, and there's truth in that. But Adam knew that he was hurting them both by his actions. Maybe it was for the best that he pull away now, so that he wouldn't be blindsided again. Certain that in the future, the love that the two have for him would eventually fade, and Adam would be left standing with another broken heart. It was self sabotage, he knew that.
Maybe he never was meant to even have them at all.
So, Adam had been making himself miserable. His lone bed felt too empty and cold, interests he'd usually partake in didn't feel the same, and even eating didn't feel right without the chatter of Will detailing a story and Swerve jumping in every so often. His world felt gray without them to add color to it. He had barely taken care of himself as a result, just enough to bypass suspicion in public and not enough for anyone to say anything. He missed Will and Swerve terribly, and he knew that he only had to blame himself for the spot he'd put himself in.
He couldn't do it forever, and he was correct as it came to a head at the next Collision. Adam wasn't scheduled for a match, just a short backstage promo to do. He'd almost made it to his dressing room before he saw Will right in front of it. Staring a fierce hole into him. Adam's blood ran cold.
Trying to turn around, he walked right into another body. Swerve had been right behind him, his pissed off and concerned glare striking fear into Adam. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Or in this case, two men he didn't deserve who probably were going to let him have it.
Sensing that he was going to bolt, Swerve suddenly grabbed Adam's arm with just enough pressure, the action making Adam halt immediately. Shit.
"So help me if you try running away, I won't hesitate to go to that nasty place with you again, cowboy." He threatened, frightening Adam further. Will stepped in between the two, gently removing Swerve's tough grip on Adam and replacing it with a hand on the small of his back.
"That's a bit much, love." Will chastised as Swerve rolled his eyes. His attention turned towards Adam again, his other hand coming up to caress his cheek softly. "What Swerve means is, we've been worried sick about you, Adam. You've been avoiding us like the plague, and we've barely been able to catch you at all."
"…It's not been that bad…" Adam lied, like a liar.
Will just scoffed and shook his head, "Mate, you turned down celebration sex with us after a huge win you had recently. And no offense, you look godawful right now. I'd say it's bad."
Adam felt himself slightly flush in embarrassment, wanting the floor to swallow him up at this point. Then Swerve chimed in again, stepping closer into Adam's space.
"Not to mention you've been sending one word replies in our group chat, bailing on our dates, blue balling us just about every night for weeks-"
"Okay, okay! I got it." Adam tried covering his face, but Will and Swerve took a hand each, forcing him to look between the two who just were giving him the saddest looks he'd ever seen on their faces. His heart broke. He's fucked up badly.
"Do you really?" Swerve muttered lowly, Will then sighing softly in turn.
"Love, just tell us what's wrong. Please." His voice sounded desperate, eyes pleading. "Are you having second thoughts? Did we… do something wrong?"
"No! I…" Adam started but the words just wouldn't come out. His throat felt clogged, tears stinging his eyes. Seeing Adam struggle to speak, Swerve spoke sternly.
"If you don't want this anymore, at least tell say something instead of being a coward. We all promised communication would be a huge deal, especially when things get difficult. And you're starting to break that promise."
Swerve was right. He has been a coward. And whatever Adam did in this moment would either make or break things. He could keep running away, revoking the trust Will and Swerve have in him, effectively ending this relationship they had in a horrible way. Or he could tell the truth, and potentially get his heart broken anyway. The secret third logical option of 'everything would be okay after all and they'd still love him' was something Adam pushed far from his mind, but a spark of hope made his heart skip a beat nonetheless.
If there was a chance to make things right, gambling his options and forced to make a decision, he had to do it now. Even if opening up scared the hell out of him.
"Can we…" He nodded towards the dressing room, Will and Swerve giving each other a look before nodding back at Adam, the three entering the vacant and cold space. Adam immediately sat down on the couch, but his mind didn't really register the action, watching as Swerve went to lock the door, and Will graciously took Adam's forgotten luggage away from him and setting it in a corner. He then felt them both sit down on either side, so that Adam was in the middle.
Will cleared his throat. "So…?"
Adam just closed his eyes for a moment, then stared at the cold, gray floor and exhaled. He could feel Will and Swerve's eyes on him, waiting. After weeks of ducking and dodging, this was it. So, he forced himself to let everything out as the words finally broke through in a quiet, almost hushed voice.
"Look... Neither of you did anything wrong. You both are doing everything right, and please don't blame yourselves. You really have no idea how happy you two make me, how loved you make me feel. That you care about someone like me. Even after what I've done in the past. These past few months have been so, so good, and I love you both so much it terrifies me."
Swerve's hand caressed his thigh comfortingly, scooting closer to Adam. "You're terrified? What do you mean by that, baby?"
Adam's breaths turned shaky, pressing on, "I don't deserve your love. I don't deserve this relationship. Maybe I never did. Maybe I never will. Somehow, some way, I'll eventually fuck up and ruin everything. Like I always do. Just like..." His breath hitched, the tears he'd fought back now rolling down his face. "... just like with Kenny."
"Adam..." Will called his name softly, sympathy intertwined in it. He shifted closer to Adam too, his head leaning on Adam's shoulder and his arms wrapped around him tightly.
The tears kept flowing, some dropping to the floor as Adam's voice broke. "I loved him, and he stabbed me in the back. I still don't fully know what I did wrong for him not to love me anymore, but it didn't matter. He didn't want me. I wasn't enough for him. And... I'm scared that you two won't want me anymore. That eventually, you'll be bored of me, or I'll say or do something bad just enough for you to leave me. That I wouldn't be enough for you to stay with me. I wouldn't blame you if you did. After all, I ruin everything good that I touch eventually."
He could tell Swerve wanted to give a rebuttal right away from the way his hand clutched a bit harder on his thigh, but he sniffled and continued on, the words not stopping at this point.
"I couldn't bring any of this up because I was stuck in my head, and I couldn't face you. Every time I thought about saying something, the thought of whatever you two had to say scared me more. That my fears would come true. So... that's why I started pulling away. It doesn't make sense, I know. But it's been fucking horrible, and I missed you both so much. And I know you two are hurt because of me. I ended up doing the thing I was hoping to not do, and I never meant to make you two feel like you were the problem. I am. And I'm so, so sorry. I just didn't want to face... this. I don't want to be discarded."
Adam braced himself for whatever came next, trying not to curl more into himself as the silence dragged on, along with his sniffles and shaky breathing. Soon, he felt Swerve wrapping an arm around him as well, pressing a kiss on the top of his head. Will similarly pressed a kiss on his cheek, wiping away some of Adam's tears that had started to dry. And that almost made him want to sob in relief.
They didn't leave him.
"Oh, Adam... you should've come to us sooner, darling. You have to understand that we love you, and we want to help, but we can't if you hide your troubles away from us." Will's voice sounded a bit shaky too, like he'd also been crying along with Adam, but the added certainty in his tone struck him hard. "You did nothing wrong, and it's not your fault. Kenny was a fucking idiot to not cherish you like you deserved. We won't do the same thing, or at least I can only speak for myself."
Adam lifted his head up just in time to see Swerve to nod in agreement. Then moving a hand to caress Adam's jaw softly. "Baby, you can't say that we don't deserve you, because it's not up to you to decide on what we deserve or not. It doesn't work like that. But we're not gonna throw you away. I want you, and Will wants you too."
Will's hand grasped one of Adam's, squeezing it for Adam to look back at him. His expression looked slightly nervous. "You're not the only one scared. Sometimes I worry if I'm too much, or if I'm not doing enough too. Or that one day, you and Swerve will go back to hating each other again, and all the effort I put into uniting you two together would be wasted."
"Will..." Swerve started, but Will's voice held firm as he smiled sweetly at him and Adam.
"But all my small doubts and fears are nothing compared to the love I feel for the both of you. I'd do anything for you two. As long as we stay together. And honestly, I can't imagine not having you in my life anymore, Adam. Both of you. Every day I thank myself for having the courage to even confess my feelings, otherwise we wouldn't be here. And I don't want to let either of you go."
"I..." Adam swallowed, taking in the words. Then Swerve's voice brought him back, quiet and low. If he wasn't prepared to hear Will's response, Swerve's own confession stunned him.
"Adam, you know we've been through hell and back with each other. There's not a thing you can do or say to me to leave you. Hell, I initiated our feud in the first place because I took an interest in you. But starting a relationship with you and Will was terrifying for me at first. I was terrified to let you in and be vulnerable with you like I had with Will for a decade now, because of our history. But you changed that. You make me feel... safe enough to share things with you. To show you a part of myself I keep close to my chest. And to love you in the same way I love Will. I don't have to act tough all the time or have my guard up with you two."
"Really?"
Swerve kissed his cheek, chuckling at Adam's dumbfounded tone. "Mhm. You and Will make me so happy, baby. Truly. I wouldn't trade this for anything else. You two are everything to me."
With the sheer amount of genuine sincerity and security he was being given, Adam couldn't believe it. Looking at both men who were giving him heart eyes at this point, he began to tear up again. Only now they weren't tears of anguish, but relief. "I… I don't know what to say…"
"It's okay to let yourself have good things, Adam."
Will saying that broke the dam of tears Adam had been failing at holding back this entire time, sobbing openly and audibly as the two just held him, and shushed his incoherent 'thank yous' with more hushed reassurances and light kisses. It felt like the dark cloud of insecurity cleared just enough to allow himself to be wrapped in their love, love that he still felt like he didn't deserve, but now it was slightly different. In its place was gratitude and hope, and maybe the start of his old wounds and broken heart beginning to heal. And Adam could hold onto that for now.
After some time, with no more tears left to shed, he allowed himself to smile slightly. "I love you both so much."
Swerve smiled and lightly kissed Adam on the lips (finally), replying softly, "I love you too, Adam." His attention also went to Will, giving him a sweet smile as well. "And I love you, Will."
Will giggled, planting his own smooches on Swerve and Adam. "Love you, sweethearts." His face suddenly turned pensive, making Adam slightly nervous about the shift in his mood. "…just realized it took us til' now to actually say "I love you" out loud during this conversation."
Oh. Adam thought about it, and Will was correct. They all had said it over and over, without realizing it's never been an understood thing between them. The realization made him feel guilty and vowed to definitely change that.
Like Swerve read his mind or something, he echoed the same line of thinking. "Well, that's one thing to fix from now on. But also Adam, we gotta work on your self-esteem, sunshine."
Normally, he'd try and argue on that, but Adam just nodded and agreed tiredly. He hasn't known how to be kind to himself in so long, the thought of doing so was foreign. But he'd try. For them.
"Please, please come to us if you ever have those thoughts again. Don't shut us out and run away. Promise?" Will asked, his eyes searching Adam's, almost pleading.
Adam nodded again, determined to keep his promise this time. Now with certainty that Will and Swerve would be there for him, and he'd do the same with them. "Promise. And I'm sorry again."
"Oh, you can definitely make it up to us later, cowboy." Swerve smirked, a pang of want striking Adam's chest and his breathing stuttered. He just had to get Adam's mind running with not-so innocent thoughts…
Thankfully Will was being the more rational one in the moment. "But for now… Just cuddle with us, alright love? You still have your promo to do soon."
"Okay."
Adam rested his eyes for a moment, now fully relaxing in the arms of his partners and letting himself just… be for a moment. It wasn't like every worry Adam had was totally gone and magically cured, but he could now see a path forward to letting himself have something special in his life, without fear.
And now? He actually believed he could do this.