Chapter Text
Two lines.
This is the third pregnancy test he’s taken. All of them showed the same exact result as the one before. Two lines. Reappearing, unchanging, repeating over and over again.
“Fuck- fuck- fuck- this isn’t- this can’t be real.” Shane said.
Shane’s hands shook as he held the plastic test up to the light. He turned it back and forth, trying to see if the light was just reflecting a wrong result. As if that would work. He knew deep down this was his reality. There were no tricks happening. No one is even around to mess with the tests. If someone can even do that. He just bought them for god sake. He wanted to spiral into delusion about the possibility that the pregnancy tests could be defective. He could’ve gotten a bad batch. Ones that weren’t properly made. These three tests don’t work properly. How do they even work anyways?
Shane placed the test down on the counter beside the other two and grabbed the small cardboard box there. Shane looked over the instructions as if he had done something wrong that could yield an incorrect answer. He tilted the box to look at the guide again. One line means he is not pregnant. Two means he is pregnant. His eyes drifted to the side to glance back at the three tests that all still had two lines. Shane cursed and looked inside the box. There was only one more left. Shane pulled it out and closed his eyes. He squeezed the plastic in his hand and begged the universe for a different answer. He opened his eyes and let out a shaky breath. He took the small blue cap off the end and placed the test into the cup that he had peed in. Yes, it’s getting thrown away. He could be pregnant, god forbid he forgets to throw away a cup he peed in.
Three minutes. This was his last pregnancy test. The other three? They must’ve been wrong. Had to be wrong. This final test would tell the real truth. It can’t be wrong four times, right? This was the end-all. So it had to be negative. One line. That’s all he wanted. All he needed actually. It wasn’t a matter of want. He can’t be pregnant. Not him. He had a career he loved, one that took up all of his time. One he poured all his energy into. Hockey wasn’t just some sport he played. It was his life, his happiness, his livelihood. How could he do that if he was pregnant? And, what would his family think? He was barely in his mid-twenties. He hasn’t lived. Not truly. Not in a way that he would be okay with letting go to raise a kid. And, his friends? His teammates? What would they say? How would they react? They didn’t even know he was an omega. And, what? He was just going to announce he was pregnant like it was any other day? Like it was nothing?
And, he can’t tell the father. Not when the father could only be one person. A person Shane already as of lately is trying his hardest to avoid. A cocky, self-centred, rude, annoyingly sexy, great with his mouth, shameless russian alpha. Who for the life of him can not leave Shane’s mind. The alpha was like a virus that infected his mind. Poisoning every thought Shane has, turning them into flashbacks of hushed praises, breathless moans, and brain-melting orgasms. There was nothing great about that. Nothing great about being on the ice trying to win a game but being distracted. All because his team was playing against the very person who knows how to send shivers down his spine. A person whose lips were going to trail hungry kisses down his back later that night. Someone who had touched places on Shane’s body that he hadn’t even touched himself. The only person who has ever buried himself deep inside Shane.
Ilya Rozanov
It was never like this before. He could keep their nightly rendezvous separate from the ice. The omega used to be able to at least. But, lately things have been different. His feelings were changing, getting stronger, developing into desires that were far more intense and real than any he’s ever felt for another person. And, that was scary because he knew it wasn’t mutual. He knew the first moment he detected a shift a year ago -when their endeavors started affecting Shane on the ice- he should’ve stopped. That he wouldn’t be able to continue what he was doing with Ilya. But, he didn’t. He ignored it. Shane was more than aware of the fact that they were on a timer. The alpha knew too. But, Shane was okay with pretending it didn’t exist and having their heated sessions every few months until Ilya eventually broke it off himself. Shane wasn’t going to. He couldn’t. He was going to cling to the borrowed time they had while ignoring the yearning sensation in his heart. And, for a while, he didn’t think twice about that. Not until three months ago. When those three words slipped past his lips as he spilled onto the sheets of Ilya’s hotel bed.
There were no words to describe the way his heart dropped after the fact. It was like he was slapped in the face. Like his head had gone so far underwater and he suddenly got pulled above the surface. There was no way to deny the words that left his lips. No way to play pretend that he meant something else and misspoke. The words were second nature to him. He said them so easily that it didn’t register until after Shane came down from his orgasm.
Ilya panted into the back of his neck for a few seconds. Still pressing his cock deep inside, holding it there, riding out the orgasm. Shane was fluttering around him, unable to handle the feeling of the alpha’s massive cock filling his walls nudging perfectly against his prostate post orgasm. Ilya cursed, the air from his words brushed against Shane’s skin sending a shiver down his spine. But, none of the sensations were anything compared to the war zone in Shane’s mind. He was panicking. His heavy breaths probably sounded like they were due to the sex they had just had. But, they weren’t. Not entirely at least. Shane’s heavy breaths were warning signs. Warnings that he needed to get the hell out of there.
Shane was on his stomach, his face pressing into a pillow. Which he was so, so grateful for. The soft thing was the only barrier between his words and the ears of Ilya. If the pillow wasn’t there then the vibes in the hotel room would’ve been so drastically different. Ilya had no idea either. The alpha was completely oblivious to what Shane had just said. Ilya pulled out with a grunt and rolled onto the bed next to Shane. That was his cue. He jumped up a lot more hastily than he normally did. He also did not have a poker face ready. Shane was fumbling with his clothes. Missing the leg hole but recovering just in time. Ilya was smoking a cigarette. Shane did not, could not look at the alpha but he could smell the smoke in the air.
After a very rushed and botched attempt at dressing himself, Shane tried to grab his phone and keys. Keyword: tired. His hands were shaking so bad that the moment he tried to grab his stuff he couldn’t grip properly and dropped them onto the floor. A loud thump echoed around the room. Shane looked down at his phone and keys on the floor and wanted to cry. He was pretty sure that was his last straw of the night because tears were filling his eyes.
“What is the problem?” Ilya finally spoke. Shane knew he was watching. He’s surprised the alpha took so long to open his mouth. Honestly, Shane was expecting some stupid joke about how overly clumsy he was being and then finding some odd way to connect that to how good the sex was. But, he didn’t. And, fuck was it making it all worse. If there was a joke thrown out Shane could pretend to laugh, turn away, and walk out like he usually did. Instead, he was bending over to pick up his phone and keys, pretending the drops of tears hitting the wood floor were a figment of his imagination. Clearly, Shane is terrible at pretending because Ilya noticed.
What is the problem?
I just said I love you and you have no clue.
Shane’s heart was pounding so hard he was convinced the damn thing was going to burst out of his chest. His hands are shaking, he can barely hold his stuff, he barely got his clothes on and he’s crying. But, above all how the fuck is he supposed to leave without Ilya realizing?
“Nothing.” Shane’s fucking voice wavered.
There was a shift on the bed. Shane turned around so quickly that he almost got whiplash. He sped away from the bed to the hotel door trying to get away from the disaster that was about to happen if he let Ilya see his face. There were steps behind him following. Just as Shane grabbed the door handle, Ilya grabbed his forearm. Shane froze. Why couldn’t he just let him leave? Why did he have to follow this time?
“Hollander?” Ilya’s tone was a mix of mild worry and slight caution. Shane did not look back. He refused to do so. Everything was all too much. More than he can handle. He wanted to run away but of course, Ilya just had to follow him after years of staying put. “Turn around.” Of course he caught onto the fact that something was wrong. It didn’t take a genius. Shane didn’t even try to act like he was fine. It’s not his fault. He just told Ilya he loved him mid orgasm. No one would be able to walk out nonchalantly after that.
“I said it was nothing. Let me go.” Shane spoke. He was grasping at straws at this point. His tone was not stable, he wasn’t looking at the alpha, and he was shaking. No doubt Ilya can feel the shaking with his hand still firmly planted on his forearm. There’s no mistaking that something is wrong. But, Shane wasn’t about to admit it despite the obvious tells. In a last-ditch effort, he yanked his arm away but it didn’t do anything. Ilya simply grabbed his chin and turned his head. Shane, the weak man that he was, just let it happen. He looked at Ilya for the first time since his unheard confession. For a second that was all. But a second was all it took. Their eyes locked and Ilya’s eyes widened briefly before settling back. “Fuck off.” Shane’s voice broke. An embarrassing sound.
He turned around, grabbed the door handle and sped out. Shane couldn’t even find it in himself to keep it together until he was at least in a safe place to cry. The second he was a few feet away from the door, a gasp left his mouth and a sob working its way through his lips. The noise echoed around the hallway. Shane covered his mouth with his hand and ran. He heard his name called again but he didn’t turn back.
When he got into his car he broke down. Finally letting it all out. The reality of everything that happened finally settling in. Shane sobbed into his hand trying to muffle the sounds not wanting to be loud in the parking lot. There was no use. He couldn’t control anything. Not his reactions, not his feelings, not his heart. Not when their timer just ended. Of all ways to happen, that was not ideal. It was uncontrollable. The words felt so real and right as they left his lips too. There was no doubt as he said them. A declaration without his willingness but one that he made not finding any deception in the way they tasted in his mouth.
It took him an hour to leave the parking lot. And, when he did drive back to his hotel it was a blur. All he remembered was a heavy unsettling tug in his heart as he drove. When his face hit the pillows it was like he was right back there. His face pressed into the pillows as Ilya pounded into him from behind. Nibbling on the back of his neck just enough to feel but not enough to bruise. The unrelenting unforgiving sensation of the alpha’s cock pressing up against his prostate every time he thrusted in. Until Shane reached his peak and crossed a line he couldn't go back from. The water works started again. He gripped tightly at the pillows and cried for hours. Because despite wishing otherwise, it was all real.
He wasn’t just overwhelmed but the fact that he fell for the alpha when he knew he shouldn’t have. He also was mourning the loss of said alpha. He couldn’t see Ilya again. Mindless fucking with no strings attached was their unspoken agreement. Feelings were never supposed to develop and there Shane was feeling the strongest feeling of them all. He was in love with Ilya Rozanov. His heart ached and his stomach hurt. His throat felt dry and his eyes burned. Shane’s phone rang but he didn’t check it. He knew who was calling. He didn’t answer. He soaked the pillows in tears that night, stopping for a few minutes only to then begin crying again when his phone rang once more. The room was no doubt filled with the scent of a distressed omega. If someone were to open the door the floodgates would burst open alerting all the alphas on the hotel floor.
Shane tried his best to calm down. He truly did. But, then his phone didn’t go off again and it only made him cry harder. It was genuine stupidity to wish Ilya had tried harder to stop him or call him more than twice. The alpha did the most that was appropriate for the nonexistent relationship they had. What did the omega expect? For Ilya to show up at his hotel door? No, ultimately he didn’t. But, that didn’t stop his heart from hurting any less. Eventually, he cried himself to sleep. A slumber that wasn’t good at all. That night Ilya fucking showed up in his dreams. His smouldering face and addicting scent filled Shane’s nose as they held each other close. He swore he actually felt the warmth of the alpha’s skin under his fingers. Almost as if the dream were real. He wished it were.
When Shane woke up that next morning he felt miserable. Reality set in like a slap to the face. The omega managed to force himself out of the bed. Which was only due to the fact that he hadn’t showered last night. He usually did when he got back to his room but he was too busy crying out every last tear in his body. Shane’s eyes were so red it looked like he was high. Which to be honest he wished he was. He walked into the bathroom and didn’t bother letting the water warm up. He stepped into the shower and turned it on, letting the cold water hit his face. Shane closed his eyes and just allowed himself to feel it. He tried to focus on it. But, the feeling that was most prominent was the one from behind. It was beyond uncomfortable. He felt empty. His omega body was betraying him. He didn’t like it at all. His hole was leaking slick trying to entice alpha cock. A specific alpha’s cock.
At the same time, Shane felt so, so full. An involuntary purr left his lips as he pressed his fingers inside his soft leaking entrance. A gentle curse slipped past his lips as he tried his best to remove all the cum out of his ass. The sensation of cleaning himself out after every time Ilay fucked him felt especially unpleasant the past year. Since he realized his feelings for the alpha were getting real. This time was no different. Actually, it felt more than unpleasant, it felt pathetic. He was in love with an alpha who didn’t feel the same. And, there was no blaming him. Ilya doesn’t have to feel the same. Shane’s not entitled to the alpha’s heart and affection. The lines were drawn from the very beginning. They had made those lines very clear. They agreed they wouldn’t cross them. Not explicitly but it was an unspoken agreement. They were fucking, not dating.
Shane dwelled on all of those thoughts until he cleaned himself out completely. He cried again when he finished. The loss of the last thing that was keeping him close to Ilya was too much to bear. Grief set in like a tidal wave. The omega didn’t leave the hotel room for days. He spent most of that time lying on the bed staring up at the ceiling contemplating his decisions. Deep down he knew he couldn’t control it. It was beyond him. Still, there was something so profoundly devastating about mourning a relationship that was never truly real to begin with. And, mourn Shane did. There were a dozen knocks on his door throughout those days. He knew none of them were from Ilya. Probably his teammates, the coach, mostly Hayden. He didn’t answer. He just stayed in bed, windows wide open letting out the scent of his pheromones. So that when he did eventually leave, the traces of depressed omega weren’t coating every crevice of the hotel room.
Eventually the knocks stopped. Shane assumed they all flew back home. His teammates didn’t say a word the next time he saw them. Seeming to understand that they should leave it alone this time. Hayden did not get that or he just didn’t care. The omega could not go one second without receiving a stare from Hayden that entire practice. He knew that Hayden was only worried and had his best interests in mind. He just wanted to be there for Shane. But honestly, it was annoying. Shane already didn’t want to think about it. He was doing his absolute best to forget about it for the minimum amount of hours he had to focus on practice instead. It was the only escape he had. Shane knew the moment practice was over he would have to go back to his own dreadful world. So was it really too much to just want those few hours of peace? No it wasn’t but Hayden didn’t know. So the alpha took the first chance he got to ask. Practice was over and yes Shane spent the entire time thinking about the incident. And, it wasn’t even because of Hayden's careful stares. It was his own running mind unable to let it go.
“What happened?” Hayden said, turning to Shane as he sat on the bench. Shane was in the middle of getting dressed when the words entered his ears. His heart instantly skipped a beat. “You were MIA for almost a week. No one saw you, no one heard from you. Did you stay in your hotel room the whole time? When did you fly back here? Why can’t you look anyone in the eye today?” The alpha went on and on.
“Please, can you just give me a second of peace? You’re hounding me with questions and I just don’t want to think about anything. I’m fine, okay. Don’t worry about it.” Shane let out a heavy breath. He’s being a dick. His friend only cares. Hayden scoffed and stood up as Shane was pulling his shirt over his head. They looked at each other for no more than two seconds. Hayden wasn’t buying anything he was saying. His eyes narrowed as he took in the way Shane looked. “I don’t want to talk about it. Please don’t make me talk about it.” Shane pleaded, a miserable look on his face. Hayden’s eyes softened and he took a step back with a nod.
“Fine. But, you do know I’m your best friend right? You can talk to me about anything. I’m not going to judge you or whatever.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“You don’t have to deal with it alone.”
“Not even you can help with this.” Shane said, letting out a self-deprecating laugh. He shook his head as his mind unwillingly drifted to a certain Russian alpha.
“That bad?”
“Worse than bad. Depressing.”
“Maybe I can-“
“It’s fine. I already have my solution.”
“You don’t want to enact that solution do you?” Hayden said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Maybe it was. Shane wasn’t exactly subtle with his whole MIA for a week fiasco. This was his best friend after all.
“No, I don’t want to. But, it’s my only choice.”
Hayden clamped a hand onto his shoulder before pulling him into his arms. Shane was startled at first. They don’t really do that sort of thing. He didn’t pull away, the omega needed the hug more than Hayden could ever know. And, if the omega sniffled, a few tears falling down his cheeks neither of them mentioned it. Hayden just held tighter. The warmth of the hug was comforting and did wonders for him. When they let go Shane playfully pushed the alpha’s shoulder and wiped his eyes. Hayden threw him a reassuring smile. Almost as if he were telling the omega that everything was going to be okay.
And, for the most part, it was.
Ilya didn’t text Shane. He never really does. Sometimes it’s banter but mostly it’s sexual. No messages of concern or worry entered the omega’s inbox. Shane wasn’t hurt by it. The omega part of him was shattered though. His rational, logical thinking mind knew that Ilya didn’t need to text him anything. So what if he left crying? It wasn’t Ilya’s concern. There was nothing there to dote on or empathize with. They weren’t friends. They were hooking up. The pleasure was the only thing that mattered. Outside of their arrangement there was no room for caring. Shane knew all of this. But, the omega side of him was not as rational, not as logical. The only thought that stayed was that the alpha rejected him.
Absolutely stupid.
Shane knew he was being dumb but he couldn’t help but feel that way. He had confessed his love and did not receive acceptance or mutual feelings. He felt so conflicted in his feelings. He knew he left no room for Ilya to do any of those things because he rushed out of the place. Even more so, the alpha did not even hear the confession. Even if Ilya were to have that chance to respond, Shane didn’t want to hear it either. The omega truly would’ve gotten a real rejection then. So Shane was effectively mourning a nonexistent rejection from an alpha who never actually heard his confession. God, he was insane.
And, now he was staring down at four positive pregnancy tests three months later. This could not be real life. After everything that he’s gone through this past month? This all had to be a sick joke. An elaborate cruel joke that the universe was playing on him just for a quick laugh. Soon enough the curtains will fall and the cameras will come out. Shane glanced around the bathroom waiting. No curtains fell, no cameras appeared. But, that wasn’t even the bad part. The most humiliating and terrible realization wasn’t that this wasn’t a joke. It was that for a fleeting second, he felt relieved it wasn’t.
“Fuck-” Shane felt tears fill his eyes. He breathed in sharply, placed a hand over his chest and willed himself not to panic. But, nothing could stop the impending panic attack. His heart was beating so violently he was getting scared that somehow he’d have a heart attack. His hands were shaking and he felt lightheaded. Shane stumbled out of the bathroom hand still on his chest, now gripping his shirt tightly. His vision is blurring and he can’t calm down. Soft whimpers left his lips between gasps for air. His chest hurt so bad, his throat felt worse. Fuck, he can’t breathe. “Scared-“ Shane gasped out in the empty bedroom before rushing over to the bed where his phone was. Only one thought was repeating over and over in his mind.
Shane needs his alpha.
Through gasps, whimpers, blurry eyes and shaking hands Shane manages to hit the call button on Ilya’s contact against his better judgment. Somewhere deep in the trenches of the omega’s mind he hoped it would go to voicemail. If Ilya answered there was nothing the alpha could do to help. Shane could hardly speak. He wouldn’t be able to communicate to Ilya what was happening. He shouldn’t have called. Fuck, what the fuck was he doing? Shane was about to hang up when the call was answered. Shane’s heart dropped.
“Haaa- fuck-“ He cursed breathlessly. This is exactly what he didn’t want. Hands still shaking Shane tried to hang up but didn’t manage it well. Tears were blurring his sight, dropping onto the screen of his phone. Shane, frustrated by his lack of control, whimpered pitifully. Then the call dropped and the omega threw his phone across the room. “Fuck- fuck- fuck- fuck” He gasped, clutching even tighter at his shirt. If he could just breathe then he could calm down but the air he sucked in didn’t help. If he was gasping for air and he was breathing it in and out why didn’t he feel better? Why couldn’t he breathe?
Then the doorbell rang. Shane turned around glancing down at the floor in the direction of where the front door was downstairs. Right, he and Hayden had plans to watch some action movie the alpha couldn’t stop raving about. Shane, not even thinking about it, staggered out of his bedroom and down the stairs. He missed his footing on the last step and almost fell but he gripped the railing just in time to stop himself. The omega, a wreck having a full-blown panic attack, got to the front door and opened it. He didn’t care how it looked. He needed help.
“Dude, I’m so excited for-“ Hayden froze instantly. His eyes widened and he clamped a hand over his nose. “What the fuck?” The alpha said. Shane suddenly became very aware of the fact that Hayden doesn’t know that he’s an omega. And, he just opened the door with no scent patch on. Which honestly was the least of his worries. He couldn’t fucking breathe. Second gender announcements can happen later when he can actually speak.
“Help-“ Shane gasped out.
Hayden seemed to understand there were bigger fish to fry and walked inside making Shane take a few steps back. Hayden closed the front door behind himself and grabbed Shane. The alpha pulled him into his embrace and held him tightly. He hushed the omega and petted his hair gently. Shane pressed his face into Hayden’s shoulder breaths heavy and hoarse. The alpha walked them over to Shane’s couch, never letting go. When they settled down Shane sat with his head resting on Hayden’s shoulder and the alpha holding his hand. Shane didn’t know how long they stayed there but he knew it was a while. He didn’t come down from the panic attack easily or quickly. But, when he did slowly his breaths evened out and his hands stopped shaking. Tears continued to fall but that wasn’t a shocker for him.
This was not the alpha he wanted with him.
When Shane’s eyes focused again he realized he was crying a lot harder than he had thought. Hayden the poor guy didn’t even know what the hell was happening, he showed up for a movie night and instead found out his best friend was an omega. The cherry on top was the way he answered the door. Just completely distraught. And, now they were sitting there on the couch close to touch but miles apart.
He wanted Ilya. He wished Ilya was here.
“Shhh- calm down. I don’t know what’s happening but I’m here. Please, don’t cry.” Hayden spoke. The alpha squeezed Shane’s hands as a small warning before he released a small amount of calming pheromones. The effect was instant. Even with such a small amount it was enough. Not so much that he would immediately calm down and feel better. But enough to get Shane to realize he’s not alone and he doesn’t have to weather the feelings inside. The tears stopped being as constant leaving Shane to sniffle with his head still on Hayden’s shoulder. “Please tell me what happened now.” The alpha pleaded.
Where should he even start? Years ago when he and Ilya first started hooking up? Three months ago when he realized he was in love with Ilya? A week ago when he realized his heat was worse than normal? An hour ago when he took the first pregnancy test? Should he even tell Hayden any of that? Was there a point? Everything would be too much for the alpha to comprehend.
“Is this the thing you couldn’t tell me about a few months ago?”
Shane lifted his head off Hayden’s shoulder and glanced at the alpha next to him. He looked uneasy and very concerned. A stray tear fell down the omega’s cheek. Hayden watched it fall down. Shane wiped it away and fell back into the couch letting out an exhausted sigh.
“I’m an omega.”
“Yes. I’m aware of that now.” Hayden said, snorting.
Shane couldn’t help but let out a short laugh too. That’s not even what he wanted to say.
“I think my career is over.”
“What?! What are you talking about? Bro, seriously now you have to tell me what is happening! Spill.”
“I can’t.”
The alpha let out an exasperated groan. Shane turned his head and looked at Hayden. He was staring back at the omega with a bewildered expression on his face. He waved his hands around as if saying why not.
“Is it because you are an omega? That doesn’t matter, remember? Any second gender can play. That discrimination bullshit is in the past. You don’t have to fear anything. I get I fucked around with you and all but seriously the team needs you. So if you are thinking that you have to leave now because your secret was found out, then stop.” Hayden said, lightheartedly but also seriously. If only he knew the real reason.
“No that’s not it. I want to tell you. I just-“
What the hell was wrong with him? Shane couldn’t keep this from his best friend. If he didn’t tell Hayden right here, right now then he would probably not tell anyone else. Not for a long while. He would deal with it entirely alone. The issue was that the omega was terrified to tell Hayden. Again, the alpha literally just found out Shane is an omega. Telling him that he was pregnant was going to be a lot for one day.
“You’re overthinking.” Hayden’s voice cut through Shane’s thoughts. Of course, he could tell. “Just rip off the band-aid. I will try not to freak out.”
“I’m pregnant.”
“Pardon?”
“I’m pregnant.”
“Yeah, I heard you the first time. I was giving you the option to take it back.”
“Take it back? Why would I do that?”
“You’re not funny. Shane, genuinely please tell me what’s going on. Stop fucking around with me.”
“Hayden, there’s a bun in my oven. I’m going to be eating for two. I’ll be out of commission for nine months. What other ways can I say this? I’m not fucking around with you. This isn’t a joke. I took four tests. I’m pregnant.” Shane said without a smile on his face. There was no laughter between his words. Hayden fell silent for a minute staring wide-eyed at Shane like he had seen a ghost.
“Holy fucking shit.”
“Yeah. Hence my panic attack.” Shane said, not able to stop a huff from leaving his mouth afterwards.
“Okay, so you’re pregnant. Does the dad know? Better yet, who’s the dad? Let’s start there.”
Shane stared at Hayden, mouth unmoving. He refused to tell the alpha that Ilya fucking Rozanov was his baby daddy. Nope, absolutely not. He'd rather shit in his hands and clap. If Hayden merely found out Shane and Ilya slept together once he would blow a fuse. If he found out Shane and Ilya were fuck buddies and have been for years, he would have a cow. If he found out Shane was pregnant with Ilya’s child he would simply pass away.
“I can’t tell you who the dad is.” Shane spoke. Hayden squinted his eyes at the omega. Suspicious of Shane for withholding one of the most important pieces of information from him. “Don’t ask why.” Shane added. Hayden didn’t listen.
“Why?”
“I just told you not to ask why.”
“Holy fuck, is it one of our teammates?” Hayden said, standing up from the couch to pacing back and forth. He had his fingers on his chin like he was thinking about which one of their teammates would most likely be the father. That thought alone was enough to make Shane physically shiver in disgust. Look, he wasn’t saying that his teammates were ugly by any means. They were good-looking dudes. The thought of sleeping with any one of them was disgusting though. Those were his friends, his colleagues. He didn’t even like seeing their dicks in the shower. Not that he was looking.
“Fuck no. It’s not one of our teammates. That’s fucking gross.” Shane replied.
“Okay, it’s not one of our teammates. Still, you don’t want to tell me. Me.” Hayden said, putting emphasis on the last word. “I’m your best friend and you are refusing to tell me who your baby daddy is. It must mean I know the guy. ” Hayden muttered as he looked off into the distance trying to think.
“You don’t know him.”
“I don’t?” Hayden paused and looked back over to the omega.
“No. You don’t.”
“Jesus, you’re terrible are lying.”
“I’m not lying!”
“Shane, if you’re going to try to gaslight me, at least look like you believe it yourself!”
“Fuck you!”
“Fuck me?!”
“Yes, fuck you. I won’t tell you who the dad is. So let it go. Just help me. I don’t know what the hell I'm doing. The dad isn’t in the picture. Not anymore, okay? We weren’t serious. We were just fucking no strings attached. The alpha doesn’t know and I don’t plan on telling him. Yes, you know the fucking guy. No, you will never be able to get the name out of me. So let's move on from this pointless attempt at drawing lines between dots you’ll never be able to connect. I’m fucking pregnant and I’m scared shitless because I kind of want to keep the baby.” Shane snapped. Hayden stopped cold. His eyes sympathetic as he walked back over to the couch and sat down. Shane let out a sigh and looked up at the ceiling fan that was spinning slowly.
“Okay, so you want to keep the baby?” Hayden spoke gently.
“No. Yes. I just- I don’t know. I know I’ve always wanted to have a kid. I was just assuming that would happen later in my life, not now. But, later is now and I guess I don’t want to get rid of it but I don’t feel ready.” Shane said, unsure of every word that was leaving his mouth. His mind was a raging sea of mismatching thoughts and feelings. He was scared of being pregnant. He didn’t want this and at the same time, he was afraid that if he got an abortion he would regret it. He felt so confused and scared. The only thing that he was confident in was the fact that the only person he wanted comfort and advice from was Ilya.
“Okay. I get that. I mean I don’t get it but I get it. You are confused about the way you are feeling and what you want to do. Right?” Hayden asked softly. The alpha shifted on the couch to face Shane properly. His eyes were filled with compassion as he spoke. Shane nodded his head agreeing with what he said. “It’s understandable you would feel that way. You said that the dad doesn’t know and he’s not in the picture. Is that because you don’t want him to be or did he do something to you?”
“God, no!” Shane practically shouted instantly going into protective mode. Ilya would never do anything to hurt Shane. Never. Yes, there were no emotions involved but Ilya wasn’t a monster. He always made sure it was enjoyable for the omega. The first time they slept together felt so caring that Shane could’ve been fooled that the alpha had feelings for him. The idea that Ilya could’ve done anything was trivial. Shane was to blame. He is the one who let things get too real.
“Okay. Good, I was just making sure. Either way, the reason why he isn’t in the picture doesn’t matter. I trust your reasoning is good enough. With that being said, you aren’t going to deal with it alone. I don’t know if you’ll tell your parents but I’m here. If you don’t want to tell them then that’s okay too. Just know I’m not going anywhere. I will try to help you the best I can.” Hayden spoke honestly. Every word leaving his mouth felt comforting to Shane. “The most important thing to remember is that you don’t have to make a decision right now. You have time to think about whether or not you want to keep the baby. Whatever you choose, I’ll support you.”
Shane couldn’t help but laugh softly. A smile appeared on Hayden’s face before he too laughed.
“Never thought in a million years I’d be in this position let alone having you here with me.” Shane admitted. It was almost cruel. He knew sooner or later he would’ve told Hayden that he was an omega. He just wasn’t planning on it right now. He knows the alpha isn’t offended though. His best friend knew what he meant.
“Yeah, me neither. I thought you were a beta this whole time. Actually, it makes sense that you are an omega.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Shane laughed.
“Anytime one of the guys showed up for practice in the midst of prerut, you would act like they had the black plague.” Hayden started full on laughing at the memories flooding his mind. Shane shook his head with a smile.
“I did not. I was just taking precautions.”
“Precautions? You wore a mask the whole time and refused to go near them outside the ice. We all thought it was some sort of rut phobia thing.”
“Rut phobia? Is that even a thing?”
“Probably, I don’t know.”
They both sat there on the couch laughing about all the instances Shane acted odd which now could be attributed to him being an omega. The new layer of knowledge made it all understandable now. Hayden recounted the time Shane slapped some random alpha at a bar in Toronto for asking him if he wanted to help him with his rut. Which honestly didn’t even have anything to do with him being an omega. That alpha was tipsy and handsie as fuck. The guy kept grabbing Shane’s hip and leaning in close. It was irritating. And, then the alpha had the audacity to try to steal a kiss after Shane declined his invitation to be his rut partner. That guy got what was coming for him.
“True. That was creepy as hell. I would’ve punched him in the face too. Second gender aside.” Hayden said, his eyebrows furrowing in anger at the thought. “Seriously. You aren’t alone okay?” Hayden suddenly said. He placed his hand on Shane’s shoulder and squeezed.
“Yeah. I know. Thank you. Also, I'm sorry I didn’t tell you I was an omega. I’m not ashamed or anything. I was just paranoid that I wouldn’t be treated properly. I know you said that stuff is in the past but I just wanted to make sure I was safe.” Shane explained.
“No, I get it. It’s easy for me to say things are different but I don’t truly know. Still, I wished you would’ve told me. I’m not a sleaze bag. I wouldn’t have looked at you differently or something. You’re just Shane to me. Still are. So let’s not dwell on it, yeah?”
“Yeah.” Shane agreed.
“So about that movie…”
Shane let out a snort before grabbing the remote off the small coffee table to his right. He turned on the TV and for at least two hours Shane was able to get a break. Focusing on what was a surprisingly great movie about an FBI agent going undercover in the mafia. Hayden’s goofy remarks about what stunts he thought he could do filled the living room with laughter. By the time the movie ended it was a lot later than their original plans and Hayden had to go home to his family.
“Jackie isn’t going to be mad you stayed longer right?” Shane asked.
“Nah, the kids are with her parents. She went out on a girls day. She texted me that she got home ten minutes ago.” Hayden reassured him. They walked to the front door and before Hayden left he pulled Shane in for another tight hug. “I’m going to have to tell Jackie you are an omega. If I go home smelling like brown sugar omega pheromones she will chop my dick off.” Hayden half-joked.
“That’s fine. Can we just keep the other thing between us? At least until I know what I want to do.” Shane asked.
“Yeah, of course man. I’ll see you at practice next weekend?”
“Yeah see you.”
—
It’s only been two weeks since the day Shane found out he was pregnant. He hasn’t found the courage to tell his parents. Entirely due to the fact that he could not face them. To have to look in their eyes and tell them that he was pregnant was not something he thought he could do. Not yet. Like how it went with Hayden, they would have questions. And, similar to how it was with Hayden, Shane wouldn’t be able to answer. Hayden was his best friend and so he could live with the fact that there were things Shane wanted to keep to himself. There was a level of respect they had for each other when it came to things that couldn’t be discussed.
Not to say Shane’s parents didn’t respect him. It’s just that the omega knew he was weak to them. They were his parents. Lying to them wouldn’t feel right. At the same frustrating time, Shane can absolutely not tell them Ilya is the father. His hands were metaphorically tied. Until he figured out what he wanted to do, he was going to keep this from them. It was the safest option for him at this time. Honestly telling his mom and dad wasn’t his biggest worry. Not now at least. Not even him being pregnant was his biggest problem right now. The biggest problem he had right now was the fact that he was on a plane on the way to Boston.
He was going to be seeing Ilya after three months of silence. After leaving the alpha’s hotel room crying. What bewilders him even more is the fact that he called Ilya two weeks ago during his panic attack. The call only lasted for a minute but still, the alpha answered. Shane felt sick. Like he was going to puke the moment he stepped off the plane. To his team he looked nervous which in of itself wasn’t good either. He’s never been nervous to play against the Boston Raiders. He’s always shown he was excited, riled up and ready to kick ass every time they played against Ilya’s team. While yes most of it was due to the fact that he always got a thrill when playing against someone as amazing at playing hockey as Ilya was. The other reason was because the omega was excited for what happened after the game ended. But, this time things were different.
Shane was not looking forward to the game. He didn’t feel like he could kick ass, he felt like his ass was getting kicked by the universe and its cruel timing. He wasn’t riled up. He felt like he could vomit his insides onto the concrete. He was most definitely not excited. His skin was crawling. He didn’t want to see, talk to or play against Ilya. Hayden noticed something was wrong, differently than what their teammates would’ve seen. The alpha knew Shane was pregnant. So he must’ve been thinking it was related to the way he was acting now.
Shane’s assumptions were proven when they got to their shared hotel room. Hayden dropped his duffel bag onto the bed and stood there staring at Shane like he sprouted a flower on the top of his head. He clearly wanted to say something, ask something. He didn’t though. Just looked at the omega pushing his own suitcase against the wall near his bed. Shane could feel the stare. Hayden was not subtle, probably not even trying. Unable to handle the eyes on the back of his head, Shane turned around and looked at the alpha. Hayden threw him a sheepish look and a goofy smile. Shane huffed.
“I’m okay.”
“You aren’t. You look like a nervous wreck.” Hayden responded, dropping the smile. Instead a concerned expression replaced its spot on his face. “Listen, you never act this way when we play the Raiders. If anything you are like a kid walking into a candy store. But, right now…” Hayden trailed off. Shane climbed onto his bed and sat facing the alpha. “You look like a scaredy cat entering a haunted house.” The alpha finished.
“What are these analogies? I’m not a scaredy cat. I’m just- I’m- I’m- fuck- okay I’m scared.” Shane admits, letting out an exaggerated sigh.
“Okay, why are you scared? We’ve played against this team so many times. Today is not different. We’re going to give it our all and hopefully it’s enough to fucking win” The alpha said proudly. Shane knew he was right. To an extent. In terms of literally playing against the Raiders there was nothing different. But, that only holds so much weight in comparison to the real reason why this time it’s different. “Is it because you know- you’re… pregnant?” Hayden whispers the last part and looks around the room.
“First of all, we are the only two people in this room.”
“Well, you never know who’s listening.” Hayden says, fully serious and still whispering.
“Are you kidding me?” Shane stares at the alpha with a deadpan look.
“No! We need to be careful. What if the walls are thin?”
“With that logic we should throw our phones out onto the balcony since FBI agents can tap into them to listen to our conversation.”
“Okay, when you say it like that it sounds stupid.”
“It already sounded stupid!”
“Okay, my bad for wanting to be cautious.” Hayden said, offended. Shane closed his eyes and took a deep breath in before exhaling.
“Second of all, what other reason would I have to be scared to play today? Of course, it's because I’m pregnant.” Shane finally said. Hayden winced as his expression softened.
“Are you scared someone will know? Because, you always wear scent blockers. So no one is going to smell it. Plus it takes about four months before an omega’s pheromones start changing and giving away that they're pregnant. There’s no need to be scared. Or is it because you are scared you won’t perform as you normally do? You are still in the very beginning of the pregnancy. You haven’t lost all that energy just yet. Later in the pregnancy is when you’ll have to stop playing because of the danger it’ll be for the baby. Assuming you keep it.” Hayden explained.
He was genuinely trying his best to reassure Shane that things were going to be okay. Which in turn made Shane realize he was being too harsh on Hayden. The alpha doesn’t know the reason why Shane was acting this way. He’s speculating and coming up with solutions for his theories but none of them are true. The omega knew no one would know he was pregnant. He also knew he would still be able to bring his A-game. The issue fell into the fact that Shane was going to be facing Ilya.
“You’re right. Sorry. I still don’t think I’ll get rid of the nervousness fully but your reassurance is helping. I guess I’m feeling a lot right now because this is the first game I’m playing since I found out I’m pregnant.” Shane muttered. He looked down at his lap and began to tug at a loose string attached to the hem of his shirt. “My mind has been all over the place. And, I tried my best not to get too in my head about everything but how can I not?” Shane adds. After successfully pulling off the loose string he looked back at Hayden. Who looks at him like he’s some pitiful puppy. “Fuck off, I’m okay.” He says. It feels more like he’s trying to convince himself rather than tell the alpha though.
“Shane. It’s okay to feel vulnerable.”
“I’m not vul-“
“Shut up.” Hayden raised a hand in the air. Shane closed his mouth. “You’re worrying about a lot of stuff and it’s understandable. Just remember not to worry too much about things you can’t control. You’re gonna be great. I hate that you're making me stroke your ego right now but you're fucking Shane Hollander. You could be missing a leg and you’d still be able to beat the Raiders.” The alpha says.
“I wouldn’t be able to play with one leg though.”
“Dude. I swear to god.”
Shane burst into laughter. Thank god he had Hayden by his side. He couldn’t imagine doing this shit alone. He needed someone to pull him back in when he ventures out too far. Somehow without even knowing the full context of why Shane was scared, the alpha still managed to get through to him. He comforted the omega and gave him words of encouragement. He’s fucking Shane Hollander. He needed to hear those words. Even they applied to his hidden worries. Yes, he was afraid to face Ilya. But, that didn’t mean he had to let that interfere with the game. He needed to keep it separate. Anything personal that could jeopardize the team needed to be filed away and dealt with off the ice.
Ilya hasn’t contacted him at all and Shane hasn’t either. Ignoring the phone call two weeks ago. Realistically there was nothing to be worked up about. It’s evident by now that Shane had broken things off. Even if he didn’t specifically say it out loud to Ilya. He totally made it clear he was done with their arrangement based solely on the fact that he hasn’t texted the alpha in three months. So everything was going to be okay. Shane broke things off. Right?
Not exactly.
Shane finished gearing up, hockey stick in hand. The team was standing in the locker room huddled together and Shane was giving a speech. Something about how they all were monsters on the ice and how they were going to go out and beat the Raiders. Everyone was hanging off his words like they were gospel. Roughly patting each other on their backs and agreeing to be ruthless. As they left the locker room Shane felt his heart pounding. The usual introductions started. Their team was announced and they all skated onto the ice. There were a few cheers here and there but mostly boos. Figures, they were at the home ground of the Raiders. They weren’t going to have a lot of fans in the audience.
Then the Raiders were introduced. The light dimmed low and two small smoke machines turned on. A spotlight pointed at the opposite end of the ice. The first person out was none other than Ilya Rozanov. Screams erupted in the arena. The rest of the team was behind him. Shane looked away. He just couldn’t look at Ilya. He instead turned back to his team and gave them all a determined look. Hayden clamped a hand onto his shoulder, a grounding action. Once the introduction was over they wasted no time. Everyone got into position. Shane ignored his racing heart as he settled in front of Ilya. The alpha was looking at him. Shane didn’t meet the gaze. They bent down and for the first time in three months, he heard Ilya’s voice again.
“Ready to lose?” The alpha’s voice sounded like velvet in Shane’s ears.
“Never.” Shane couldn’t help but snort at the question.
—
They lost by one point. The Raiders won with a final score of four points and Shane’s team had a final score of three points. It was so close. Ultimately Ilya scored the winning point in the last two minutes of the game and Shane didn’t manage to tie it up. So defeat was their fate. Surprisingly Shane was okay. He’s not a stranger to losing to Ilya. It was irritating but Shane thought he would feel even more upset about it given everything. But he didn’t and he was thankful for it. He was content in leaving knowing they gave it their all. Shane for whatever reason was one of the last people in his team getting off the ice. He was thinking about the fact that Ilya seemed to be the same as he was three months ago. He didn’t say a thing about what happened. Why would he and how could he even do that in the middle of the game?
But at the same time Shane was bitter. Ilya didn’t look the least bit concerned. Just shit talked like he normally did and that was it. Shane was being stupid again. He needed to stop thinking about this and just leave. The quicker he gets away from this place the better he’ll feel.
Shane was in the locker room in the middle of changing after a shower when his phone chimed. His heart dropped. There’s only one person who could be. Shane looked around, he was the last one in the locker room. His teammates left to get drinks at some random bar downtown. Shane picked up his phone from the bench and opened it. A text from Ilya was waiting. He opened the message.
Your room number?
Shane swallowed and turned off his phone. He was not responding. Better yet, the omega should just block Ilya altogether but he was weak. So he just pulled his shirt over his head, grabbed his phone and walked out of the locker room. His phone chimed again. Shane opens the message.
Your room number. Send it.
Shane closed the message app still keeping to his resolve. He continued to walk towards the exit as he ordered an Uber. The omega groaned when he saw that the driver was ten minutes away. Another chime.
Hollander. I’m not desperate. I will not ask again.
Shane honestly shouldn’t even be opening the messages. His read receipts are on. So Ilya can see he is reading the texts but choosing not to answer anyway. Curiosity was one hell of a thing though and Shane wanted to know what the alpha had to say after three months of silence. The omega side of him was disheartened by the fact that Ilya wasn’t even asking about what happened last time. Just jumping straight to asking for his hotel room number. His intentions and priorities were clear. Sex is the only thing he cares about. He didn’t give a shit about Shane past that. And, that was a harsh pill to swallow for someone who was in love.
Logically he knew he had no right to be upset. He didn’t really care though. He was hurt. That same wave of rejection washed over him again. It didn’t help that he was still irritated that they lost. Then his mind drifted back to the fact that he was pregnant and all his overwhelming confusing, clashing, worries came back. He almost forgot. While on the ice he did. The pregnancy was the last thing on his mind. But, now that his chest feels heavy like there’s a stone there, he remembered. Feeling rejected, irritated and hurt, tears formed in his eyes. Shane quickly wiped them away and cursed.
“I’m so fucking pathetic.” He muttered under his breath.
He just wanted to climb into bed and sleep. That’s all he needed. Once his face hits the pillows he would be free of this torment. The torment being aching pull in his chest to respond to Ilya. Shane let out a shaky breath as he opened the door to the exit. When he stepped outside he turned his phone on again and checked the time for his Uber. Five minutes away. Shane walked over and stood on the sidewalk close to the street where cars pulled up to pick up passengers.
“You’re ignoring me.”
Shane whipped his head back and saw Ilya standing there, a cigarette between his fingers. He blew out smoke and looked Shane up and down. Did he not leave? Why the hell was he still here? How long has he been standing there?
“What are you doing here?” Shane settled on.
“I’m smoking.”
“I can see that. I mean why haven’t you left?” Shane said. He glanced back at his phone screen to check where the Uber driver was. If the Uber didn’t get here quickly Shane was going to cave in. Four minutes. Fuck. He had to stall. With the alpha in front of him that was going to be hard. “We can’t this time. I’m sharing a room with Hayden.” Shane added.
“I wait for your room number and drive to your hotel. I don’t want to drive to my place and then drive to your hotel. Is pointless.” Ilya answered. He took another drag of his cigarette and blew the smoke out to his right. His jaw flexed when he did so. Shane ignored how that turned him on.
“Okay, well like I said we can’t. I didn’t get a room alone. Hayden is my roommate tonight.” Shane reiterated.
“Okay. Come to mine.” Ilya took a step forward and Shane stepped back subtly hoping to keep a distance between them.
“What?”
“Come to my place. We can do it there.” Ilya said, dropping the cigarette onto the concrete and stepping on it. He took a few more steps over to Shane. Shane promptly took a few steps back. At this Ilya paused. His eyebrows raised. He took one step forward and then Shane took one back. “What are you doing?” The alpha questioned.
“I’m not doing anything. I’m just trying to wait for my Uber.” Shane said. Speaking of he looked at his phone again because where the fuck was his Uber? It said the driver was ten minutes away now. What the fuck? His phone chimed and a message from the driver came in apologizing for the wait. Apparently there was traffic and it was due to the hockey game. Shane cursed then turned back to Ilya who had taken the omega's focus on his phone as a chance to close the distance between them. Shane’s eyes widened and he took another step back.
“Take another step back, Hollander. I swear.” Ilya said, his jaw clenching. His eyes were dark as he looked at Shane. Ilya had no business being this tempting. Shane felt himself slicking up and he licked his bottom lip. The alpha’s eyes dropped down to the movement. Without a thought, Ilya leaned down to connect their lips. Shane pressed his hands into Ilya’s chest, stopping him.
“Not here. Not in public.” Shane said. He looked around and didn’t see a single soul around them. The parking lot was empty save for Ilya’s car. It was also relatively dark since the sun had already set when he exited the arena. The only lights were the dim ones above them. No one would see them because they were alone. The alpha chuckled, making Shane look back at him.
“My place. Let’s go.”
“No.”
“No?” Ilya repeated, his tone wasn’t surprised. It was teasing. There was a smirk playing on his face. Shane wanted to kiss it clean off. Fuck, he needed his Uber to get here soon. Shane lifted his phone up to look again but was instantly unsuccessful. Ilya grabbed his phone from his hand and began doing shit on his phone.
“What the hell?! Give me my phone!” Shane says getting into Ilya’s personal space to try to snatch his phone back. Ilya slipped the phone into his back pocket and grabbed the omega's wrists. “Rozanov, give me my phone. I need it. My Uber is close.” Shane said, His tone is flat and tired.
“Okay.” Ilya let go of Shane’s wrists and reached back to grab the phone from his pocket. He handed the phone back. Shane opened it and saw his Uber order was gone.
“Are you fucking serious? You cancelled my Uber?!”
“Oops. Should I take you to my place now?”
“Fuck you.” Shane turned around and started walking away. Hoping he could walk to the main straight and wave down a taxi. He didn’t get anywhere though. Ilya grabbed his waist firmly and pulled him back. Shane froze. The alpha pressed his chest against Shane’s back and fuck it felt so good. The large hands on his hips squeezed making Shane breathe in sharply. Ilya chuckled from behind him. Fucking asshole. He knew what he was doing.
“My place.” Ilya said, his lips ghosting over Shane’s ear. A shiver ran down the omega’s spine and he cursed under his breath.
“Okay. Let’s go”