Chapter Text
The cold morning air whistled through the window as you blinked your sleepiness away. You sat comfortably in the passenger seat of a van you had rented out for this occasion. Cover covering you while pillows were stacked around you. You still felt groggy from the nap you just awoke from. 11 hours on the road, occasionally switching who drove. It was finally paying off. You look at the phone hosting the directions.
‘30 minutes’
“You finally awake, gorgeous?” You hear H3nk before your eyes meet him.
The rest of the Hanks are chatting amongst themselves, to fast and loud for you to decipher. The last Hank on the wheel was H2nk who’s hidden under the covers in the back. You insisted on helping drive but they wrapped you in covers and told you that a ‘gorgeous little thing’ like you shouldn’t drive when they are more than capable.
You didn’t pester them further seeing as you couldn’t get free from the covers the first hour. You just loaded up the show you had downloaded prior to the trip.
“Barely,” You yawn, fixing yourself in the front seat. You sit up fully, taking in the view of mountains and snow-covered hills. The season was perfect for the upcoming vacation you all were going on. It’s been about two years since the whole fiasco you had with your job and those stupid- but heaven sent glasses. The Hanks have been traveling the first year doing what they do, entering for sports competitions and trying new ways to pump adrenaline through their veins. They became fairly famous in their second year, attempting things only crazy people would do. They got better sponsors, brand deals, hell you could say they’re professional athletes.
Soon after they won too many medals to hold in one room, they had ventured off to do their own thing for a while. Whether that be nursing school or entrepreneurship. H2nk’s still writing his book, H3nk is studying his ass off trying to pass his test needed for med school. Which, you admit you were taken aback that he picked up a book and decided to continue.
You had kept in touch with everyone after you realized them, mainly just a few ‘hellos’, and ‘how have things been’. You admit it was a little lonely when everyone left. Everything in your house suddenly felt hollow.
That feeling was short-lived though. The moment you realized you wouldn’t have to deal with constant bickering between some objects you had the best sleep of your life. No more feeling uncomfortable in your own bed. No more contemplating whether or not you should shit outside or deal with the fact that you were sitting on a French guy's head all along. It was a peaceful two years to say the least. You didn’t want to bother anyone seeing as this is literally their first time being alive. You only ever called and FaceTimed the Hanks to see what they’re up to, not wanting to take up too much of their time.
Though when H1nk had messaged you, you were a bit surprised. You were a little relieved too. When they were hangers, they were probably the loudest, and crazed bunch you’ve been around. Using almost anything to create a new sport for them to test out. You were always right behind them. You mean c'mon? What else were you supposed to get into after getting fired?
The way you guys clicked could be described as something only seen in coming of age movies. You laughed so hard your stomach hurt every time you got around them. They cared for you, never making you feel bad for not getting a trick right the first time. And once you nailed said trick? They were all over you; cheering for you in ways you thought you’d never get to see.
They became your best friends easily, the most exciting group to hang with. They didn’t even hesitate to force you outside themselves, they truly bought the entire Sun back into your life. You had no idea how lonely you were until after you had 100+ people surrounding you.
It’s honestly incredible how many of them got filthy rich in less than five years, meanwhile the only thing you’ve accomplished is owning a home.
“You’re gonna love the resort House Homie! It's an all paid for vacation from one of our sponsors! They wanted to congratulate us!” H4nk says in the seat behind you. He doesn’t have his seatbelt on - Duh - so he’s leaning against the back of your chair, turning to talk to you.
“You guys must’ve been fire” you reply. You're not one to follow celebrities religiously, but since a lot of your friends made it so, you’ve been conditioned to keep posted.
The competition he’s referring to was a surfing event they did back when it was peak summer time down in Hawaii. It would’ve been better to see for yourself but- you had been busy that week. They didn’t directly invite you so you didn’t feel too bad you missed it.
In the recording posted after the show, you’re not sure any one else had a chance after seeing them demolish those fucking waves. You’re talkin absolutely fucking the shit out of those waves. You wouldn’t be surprised if the ocean gifted the hanks a newborn baby.
H4nk shredded a wave so beautifully, you were shocked a human could move like that on a wave. Truly some inspirational shit.
The vacation wasn’t included in the prize, their sponsor just thought they deserved it- Which you agree. Since its Winter season now, they decided to give them two weeks at a ski resort in the mountains of a small city. It was absolutely breathtaking in the websites you visited. Especially during Christmas time which was now, you were glad they decided to ask you. It’s amazing what being a little famous can get you. The hard life is not for the weak…and the weak you are.
You’re not even sure you’d be content with going back home alone after this.
“Thank you guys again for inviting me” you try to shimmy out the covers, seeing as you're almost to your destination. “I can pitch in for gas, and food later on”
The four hanks share a look and then stare at you.
“You insult us house homie” H1nk says. “We are the ones treating you!” H5nk lifts his hand to his heart to symbolize him being hurt.
“Yeah! This is not even close to what you actually deserve!”
H4nk adds on.
You giggle to yourself,. What is it that you truly deserve? Surely it can’t be better than an all paid for resort during Christmas!
“Aww, guys” your heart melts a little as you clutch your chest. “I’m really excited for these two weeks.”
“We are too!” They say together.
Your eyes turn to the road as the car takes an uneasy turn, driving up mountains probably should’ve been Two's job but…you guess H3nk has it covered. You clutch the side of your seat for a little more stability as he drives closer to the resort you guys are going to.
You see buildings lit up with Christmas string lights and streets with lights that guide you around the city. This was better than what you saw in the websites. Shit, it feels like the whole place was pulled straight out of a CallMark movie. You roll down your window fully, to catch the fresh air that meets your nose. It smells fresh, freezing and full of holiday spirit.
You don’t notice the way the Hanks gaze at you, secretly burning with pride. They knew you’d absolutely adore this place. Christmas was always your favorite time of year and you never missed out on decorating your home. Even if no one came to celebrate with you. You still found a way to lift your own spirits and keep your home warm. The dateables won’t tell you but they loved being glammed up for the holidays. Able probably enjoyed it the most, being prideful in holding all the cute decorations up for you. Jacques never admitted it but he’d secretly play with his ribbon attached to his boat for hours. Dante puffed his chest out every time you passed, making sure to display his cute wreath properly. They all loved you so dearly, spending Christmas together really lifted their metaphorical spirits.
The air sticks to your face as you roll the window back up, staining your nose and cheeks with an offset color. You turn to look at the guys. Smile reaching your ears as you hold back a squeal.
“So? What are we doing first?” You’re practically bouncing out of your seat, the drowsiness completely drowned out.
Hank 3 looks your way and smiles, taking his eyes off the road for a split second.
“The cold gets to your skin quickly, are you sure you can survive the winter babe?” He teases.
You playfully roll your eyes and look in the side mirror, your cheeks and nose did get dis-coloured really easy, hopefully it’s just because you have no hat or scarf. You don’t want to freeze to death.
Since you guys left in the afternoon, it was early morning when you guys arrived. Each hanks had time to rest, and you’ve had the whole ride. So it’s fair to say this day is going to be busy. We don’t want to waste any day of our Christmas vacation.
You unbuckle your seatbelt and climb out, ignoring the fact that you are very well still moving. You push past the hanks and plop next to H2nk.
“House homie-“ you hear H1nk protest, “ouch!” Your foot hits his thigh, stopping his speech. You turn around and let out a quiet ‘sorry’ but pay him no further attention. “Hank 2” you whisper to the pile of blankets “Wake up we’re here!!” You hear him groan as the covers shift. The other hanks join in your protest, slipping the covers off of him. His eyes are screwed shut, shielding from the sun that’s rising. His arms come up to cover his now shining face but you quickly grab them.
You pull the covers off him- gently this time. You lean in close to his ear and stick your tongue out cautiously.
H2nk seems to notice as he peaks one eye open. He immediately shoves you off and starts rubbing his ear.
“Eww, you know I hate when you do that!” You can’t help but laugh a little, ever since he turned human he’s been super adverse to human fluids- mainly spit. So you often tease him about it. You know too much about being a germaphobe so you haven’t done it much to him but- teasing is always fun.
“Morning!” You slide to him, engulfing him in a hug. As much as he wants to play like he’s mad at you, he’s too happy he hugs you back, snuggling his face in your shoulders.
“Okay homies, fold the covers and get your stuff together” H3nk says enthusiastically.
“So are you excited?” You nudge H2nk as you two release from your hug.
“Tired, super tired” H2nk rubs his eyes. You take the cover that he was using off of him and begin to fold it, placing it on the empty seat next to you, now that Hank 2 wasn’t laid across the seats.
The rest of the Hanks begin to pass you their covers and the ones you had, you fold them as well trying to keep everything tidy. They gather their personal bags, most being backpacks. You grab yours from H5nk as he passes it to you. His eyes linger on you so you just smile back.
“What’s on your mind?” You ask him.
“Mmm nothin much” He leaves it, at that and continues gathering his items. Most of them gather their shoes since most of them kicked them off, one somehow under your seat. You conveniently always wear your crocs during road trips, making for easy bathroom breaks.
H3nk calls out the last warning as you pull up to the hotel, and grand is the last thing you’d say this is- you mean, it’s so much more than “grand”. This is magnificent. It was a ski resort. It looked like Aspen wood was used for the entire building, a beautiful look. Snow covered the roofs of it and decorations dangled from the roofs perimeter. The windows were dressed in bows and wreaths with green foliage, lights intertwined with them. You could cry.
You had entered through the valet parking, so the Hanks all got out, you followed soon behind H2nk grabbing your hand to help you out of the van. You were enamored with the huge building, you almost forgot about your luggage. As soon as you turned around though, the car had already been taken to parking. You turn to face the hanks and if your words couldn’t tell what you were thinking your face sure could.
“Oh, don’t worry about that Homie, we’re Gucci, the staff has our stuff covered” H1nk said
You sigh in relief, you're glad you don’t have to walk all the way to the parking lot just to walk all the way back to the room with heavy luggage.
You’re definitely not used to this type of treatment.
H3nk heads inside and the rest follow, you shift you bag on your shoulder further and begin to walk, H1nk and 4 are next to you on your sides. You feel H1nk move closer, placing a hand on your shoulder, you think nothing of it- just a little friendly gesture. He then slips his fingers through your bag strap and lift it gently from your arm.
“I gotchu, you shouldn’t be carrying something so heavy” He smirks at you, you try to protest grabbing your strap back tugging it so he’d let go.
“I’m fine truly, your bag is really heavy too, I don’t wanna add more weight for you” He shrugs. You wouldn’t push him but to be fair, he looks like he could lift you and three bags. He was the strongest out of all five, big chest, top heavy, a nice butt. He had peak football form. You just didn’t think it was polite to let him hold your bags. You mean- this is your first trip with them! At least make it seem like you know how to vacation properly.
You try to get your bag back but H4nk moves his hands to your side, tickling you from your waist to your underarms. You quickly jump and flail his hands away. You laugh after your dramatic scream which causes H1nk to successfully grab your bag. H4nk burst out in laughter pointing to laugh at you. You hate to admit you fought back the loudest snort.
H2nk, 5 and 3 glare at the three of you, you feel the dad energy emanating off of Hank 5. You hear a “Act like you know how to behave”as if he telepathically said it to you.
You stiffen up trying to push down the remaining laughs. H1nk just chuckles and moves toward the counter with H3nk. You follow, now feeling awkward with nothing to hold.
You walk inside feeling a breeze of warmth wash over your body, you hadn’t realized how freezing it was here until you stepped foot in actual warm air. The interior was something straight out of a Christmas movie, this looks like somewhere Santa himself would stay. The wood interior didn’t just stop on the outside. There were decorative piles of wood wrapped with bows and presents scattered around, some on the ceiling beams and others on a giant fireplace.
What really drags your attention is the giant Christmas tree placed in the center of the foyer. It’s gorgeous, it’s draped in tinsel, string lights and ribbons. All coordinated in color. You are absolutely enamored by this, looking like a newborn baby discovering ice cream for the first time.
“Your name please” The worker asked. Pulling you out of your daze.
“Hank” H3nk says, nonchalantly. You make your way close to them and rest your arm on the free desk space.
“Last name?” She typed quickly, only glancing when she heard no reply right away.
H3nk shrugged a little, looking over to his buddies.
“Three?”
The lady looked to him and then to you, not sure why- you have no explanation for her.
“Like the number? Or-“ she’s lost at what to type to get the reservation.
“Either way should work.” Hank tapped the counter rhythmically. Giving the lady a sly smirk.
She typed the remaining letters, and her face lit up in shock, disbelief and confusion all at once. There was in fact a reservation under Hank 3.
“Okay-“ she drags out the o in her sentence. “Your room is Suite 16” she opens a drawer under the desk and pulls out 6 cards. She proceeds to scan them, placing them on the counter when she’s done.
“Would you like me to write a name on the cards so each of you has their own? Plenty of guests have gotten into arguments of who’s is who’s so- we started to ask” She’s polite with her words, saying it with a smile.
“What do you say bros? Want to write the names down?” H5nk asks -As if there’s any point in doing so- They all nod in agreement.
She brings out a sharpie and writes in a blank area on the room card. She starts with “Hank 3” and slides it to him. Looking at the rest of you guys she proceeds to ask your names.
“You can write down Hank for me”
She stares once more.
“Last…Name?”
“Uhhh 5 is fine”
She scribbles his name down adding a cute 5 to the corner. She slides the card to H5nk and he takes the card and pockets it. She asked Hank 2 and Hank 1 as well. She either looks like she’s about to cry or faint from losing brain power. No way was this real life.
“Let me guess, Hank 4 and Hank 6?” She glares at you two, as if you purposely made a joke out of her job. You snicker and tell her your name, technically she wouldn’t be wrong to call you Hank, you are in fact an honorable hank but the hanks rarely call you Hank.
“You can write down Kevin”
She complies, handing the last card to H4nk, though you see her begin to process something as she hands up the last of our necessities. She takes her phone out, tapping away at the screen. You see her tapping her finger on the desk and she snaps quickly turning to you guys.
“That’s it, you guys are The Hanks! My fiance talks about you guys all the time, he’s a big fan” She sighs as she laughs. “I was wondering why your names sounded familiar- I didn’t recognize you guys at first, I didn't really know what you guys looked like. Do you mind if I get a picture for him?” She presses her hands together mimicking a prayer like motion.
“Sure thing home slice” H2nk replied.
You stand off to the side awkwardly as she moves from behind the counter to take a selfie with the five. With no bag to keep your hands occupied you simply clap your hands together swinging them side to side. Once they were finished she said her thanks and went back to her station. H1nk motioned for you to follow them to your room and before you did you turn to the lady once again.
“Congratulations on your engagement by the way,” you smile to her. “And thank you!” You’re not sure when she was recently proposed to, but it’s been a thing for you to always congratulate newly weds.
“Awe thank you so much” she shows her ring to you. “It’s pretty isn’t it?”
You look at it trying your best not to invade her space…it’s more than pretty, this thing is ethereal. Where in the world did her finance buy this and how much did it cost?
“You are one lucky lady,” you say, admiring the ring further. You chat with her a little more, about how she was proposed to and what the wedding will look like, flowers she wanted and overall how happy she was. About 15 minutes passed and you had completely forgotten about how you were meant to be checking into your room now.
“Oh I’m so sorry for talking your ear off” you say frantically, turning around to see all five of your friends staring right at you, unfazed at how much you’ve been holding them up.
“It’s no bother I love talking, but- I’ll leave you all to enjoy the resort” she smiles waving you off. “The good care of her boys!” You turn to follow the Hanks but they stare at you, the lady behind the desk already leaving to help another guest.
“How’d you know she was married bro” H4nk asks “Are you…psychic” His eyes widen, as if that could be a valid explanation.
“No…She said her fiance likes you guys so, she had to be proposed to recently. I hope her wedding goes well” you swoon, closing your eyes imagining the ceremony, the tears, the festivities that follow soon after.
“Ouhh I didn’t know you were into love like that” H4nk adds.
“Dude she reads romance novels like everyday, so many kindle books and so many more on her shelves” he playfully rolls his eyes. “Obviously she loves love” He continues.
H2nk won’t admit he used to love when you made the closet space your own reading nook, you had literally everywhere else and chose the closet every-time. Bringing your own lamp and new book every week. He missed that.
“Sorry I held us up, let’s head to the room now” you push forward. But they don’t move just yet. Holding your gaze.
“We don’t mind it,” H2nk says.
“It’s been a while since we’ve heard your voice.” H1nk adds. Wiping a fake tear from his eye.
“We’ll savor every minute” H5nk finishes off the sentence, placing both his hands on his heart.
You playfully shove H5nk, he pretends to be hurt but you know your leagues away from actually getting hurting any one of them.
“You guys are so corny” you laugh, grabbing the closest hanks arms, which is 4 and 5, you continue walking. “Cmon now, I wanna see this room! If the outside is that beautiful imagine what the beds are like, ooo and those showers” you squeeze their arms bouncing on your feet.
You walk and you see more decorations. Breakfast bars, restaurants scattered around the building along with small activities. Game rooms are filled with kids and you can smell the inside pools when you walk down the hallway. All of you enter the elevator in the middle of the building. You let go of the Hanks’ arms and head in first. You wanted to be the one to press the buttons.
You look for your floor but your eyes lock on two buttons at the very top of the rest.
Suite 15 & Suite 16
Oh? You get your own floor? Shared with one other room but still, that’s at the top of the building. How big is it
It requires your card to be scanned- of course. You pull the card from your coat pocket and swipe on the black screen. It beeps and flashes green, causing the doors to close.
You finally reach the room door, grand as it is. When you walk in you see a full kitchen and living room. It’s cozy and quiet. There’s fresh coffee, water bottles- the expensive kind- and pamphlets laid out on the counter. You walk over to the table in the living room, seeing gift baskets for five. It looks like these ones are from the sponsor and not the hotel themself.
“Aww man, they didn’t get the extra one” H4nk pouts.
“You told them we had a plus one right?” H2nk looks to H3nk.
If they’re talking about you, that’s the sweetest thing but- this is their prize right? Being brought along to this thing was bigger than a silly gift basket.
“Hanks it’s okay, I don’t compete in world competitions- it’s your right to have this, not me” you reply.
Apparently they don’t have ears because none of them listened. They each rip through their baskets, each with a huge grin. H3nk pats the seat next to him as he shoves through what gifts he got.
“It’s not fair to have all these goodies and our best pal doesn’t get one” H3nk says.
“That would be so not cool” H5nk adds.
You look at them rummaging through their things as you take off your coat, now getting sweaty. H3nk is the first to hand you something which surprises you.
It’s a pack of chocolate.
H4nk hands you something as well, a cute snowman mug.
The rest of them do the same, a hoodie, a sticker sheet with cute stars of all varieties, and a winter hat.
“No cap, we’re so smart guys” H4nk says as he plops right next to H3nk on the couch.
“Tell us something we don’t know Kev” H1nk replies.
You thank them for including you in appreciating the gifts. You all sit and chat for a good while, soon talking about what rooms you're going to share. There were three in total, Two bedrooms in two and one big bed in the third room, which had a his and hers bathroom attached. This hotel “room” seems more like an apartment. You don’t even want to think about how much someone has to spend for two weeks here.
“I think it’s smart we split two to a room, what do we say?” H1nk says as the rest of the guys settle in the living room.
“That sounds fine to me” you say. You honestly don’t care what room you get, you just want to go outside already and see what this place has to offer!
“Obviously the #1 House homie in the world deserves that big room” H3nk said.
H1nk replies in an upbeat tone “Obviously bro, we just have to roll to see who gets to share with ‘em” you don’t protest, lord knows you’ve tried to stop many rounds of: rock, paper, scissors during the time they lived with you. These men simply love the challenge, and you love them for that.
“So what are we doing this time? Arm wrestling? Or Rock, paper, scissors?” Bingo. H4nk is so predictable.
“Can’t you guys just roll a dice? Or roll your names? Surely rooming with me isn’t that important.” You try and make an alternative. Alas, nothing helps; exactly as you thought.
“Oh Please house homie, it’s not you, it’s the room” H3nk pokes at your side teasing. You simply roll your eyes.
Instead of any rational thought, they immediately move the table and push the couches near the wall. To do what you may ask? Wrestle- they’re wrestling. The one who stands last will get to share the big room with you. How fantastic- you just hope nobody below you complains.
While they rustle away, the door knocks. You heard it first over the loud noise the Hanks are making. You peel yourself away from the commotion, heading to the door. The bellhop greets you with a gentle smile. He apologizes for taking so long with your luggage. You tell him not to worry, hauling all of your bags up here probably took him a while. You thank him wheeling in the cart. You dig in your pocket for money, thankfully you had a crumpled up twenty. He accepted it gracefully.
“Ha! Eat shit Hank!” You weasel your way back into the living room after grabbing your bag. You see H4nk pinned under H2nk.
You sigh and make your way into the room. Boys will be boys you guess. Despite loving to see them, you’ve been in the car far too long to just sit around. You immediately head into the shower. When you get out you’ll be sure to tell the hanks to get their ass in as well. They might end up stinking the whole hotel up if you don’t. Especially now that they’re sweating up a storm wrestling like idiots.
Once your out of that luxurious shower, you wrap yourself in a warmed towel and head back into the room you were assigned to. You see H3nk laid out on your bed, in a seductive pose.
“Hey gorgeous, guess who won the room” He smirks.
You scoff and walk on the opposite side of the bed unzipping your suitcase.
“I honestly thought Hank 5 was going to win” you tease.
“Must’ve been a while since you’ve seen me in action because-“ He sits up and flexes his arm. Which was a lot more muscular than when you saw him last- like a year ago?
“Oh- Well, someone’s been working out”
“Glad you noticed” He keeps his gaze on you as you look for the clothes you want to wear today.
“Oh and- you never answered my question in the car”
He raises his eyebrow.
“What are our plans for today?” You need an idea as to what to wear.
“Oh uhm, we don’t know” He scratches his head.
God you should’ve known these guys can’t plan anything, the most planning they do is equipment checks and sometimes they skip that part. They always go head first into everything and wing stuff. Genuinely how did they make it this far.
“No plans? So what were you thinking we do?” You ask
“Probably walk around?” He grunts, annoyed at all the questions. “House homie listen, just get dressed” He positions himself on his stomach now, swinging his feet up while his head rests in his hands. “I wanna see that rockin bod, it’s been so long” he bites his bottom lip, flipping his eyebrows.
You throw a rolled up pair of socks at him and get up and walk back into the bathroom. He’s always been a flirt with you, there’s no denying that. You don’t mind of course, sometimes you think he could be serious about it. But he flirts with just about anyone.
“Hey gorgeous” Hank knocks “don’t take too long, unless you wanna see a naked Hank hop in the shower”
“I’m sure you’d love that, huh big guy” You speak through the door dividing you two. “How about you tell the other hanks to shower, if you guys don’t have an itinerary I’ll make one. First thing we’re doing is breakfast!” There’s nothing more satisfying than a good itinerary on vacation.
Your heart pumps with anticipation, eager to relive those moments you had back at your place.