Work Text:
(343) 555-9823
Friday 8:05 PM
Yuna: Hi Ilya. It's Yuna. Shane asked me to check in to see if you needed anything for your move tomorrow?
Ilya:Ah. Hello. No, I am fine. Thank you.
Yuna: Are you sure? What time are you getting in?
Friday 8:14 PM
Ilya:3
Yuna: Great - I'll pick you up from the airport.
Ilya:Wait
Ilya:I think maybe my flight is cancelled.
Yuna:Very funny, Ilya
Yuna:See you tomorrow - come hungry, we'll grab lunch after.
Jane🫦
Friday 8:21 PM
Ilya:Your mother is picking me up from airport.
Shane:Oh, that's nice of her.
Ilya:Why is she doing this?
Shane:...to be nice?
Ilya:She is taking me to lunch. Why?
Ilya:Is it a trap?
Shane:Lol. Probably not. 95% sure it's not, at least.
Ilya:95 is not 100! Why only 95?!
Shane:🤷♂️
Shane:Good luck! In case I don't see you again, know that I love you!
Ilya:You are a bad boyfriend.
Jane🫦
Saturday 1:37 AM
Ilya:What things does she like?
Shane:What?
Ilya:Yuna.
Shane:Ilya, it's so late. What are you talking about?
Ilya:What boring Hollander shit can I talk to your mother about tomorrow?
Shane:Jesus Christ, just talk about hockey!
Ilya:It is a very bad idea.
Shane:What? Why?
Ilya:Too many ways to say the wrong thing. Talk about the times I beat you. Times I humiliated you. About the time I picked her sweet boy's flower after a game. Very bad idea.
Shane:Wow. Okay, first of all
Shane:I was not a virgin when we fucked.
Ilya:Awkward fucks with girls you did not want to fuck do not count
Shane:I'm too tired to tell if this is sweet or not. Go to bed. You'll be fine.
Ilya:Shane
Jane🫦 has notifications silenced
Yuna
Saturday 9:21 AM
Yuna:Quick question - do you have any food restrictions?
Ilya:I do not understand.
Yuna:Are you on a macrobiotic diet like Shane?
Ilya:Maybe. I will google it.
Ilya:Shane eats this? Why?
Ilya:Is this why his pasta is so terrible?
Yuna:I guess you two haven't had a chance to eat much together outside of vacation.
Yuna:So, no macrobiotic diet for you - anything else I should keep in mind? Are you vegetarian?
Ilya:Please just feed me burrito.
Yuna:👍
Jane🫦
Saturday 8:54 PM
Shane:Are you buried in a shallow grave or did you make it out?
Ilya:Please. Your mother is too smart for a shallow grave. She would bury me very deep. Maybe in the ocean.
Shane:Well, look at that. You guys are getting to know each other better.
Shane:How do you like the new place?
Ilya:Is fine.
Shane:Only fine? Pictures made it look pretty great.
Ilya:Would be great, maybe, but it is missing something.
Shane:Something?
Ilya:Someone.
Shane:Have you told Hayden how much you're missing him?
Ilya:I was going to send you some very fun pictures. But now, you do not get to see.
Shane:Aw, come on! It was just a joke!
Ilya:It is shame you cannot see. He is very handsome tonight. Excited. Very big.
Shane:What if I say sorry?
Ilya:Mmm. No.
Shane:What if I say please?
Ilya:Yes.
Shane:Please, Ilya. I want to see you.
Ilya:Why are you begging? It is just a cock. You can use google and see so many. Easy to find one to come fuck you.
Shane:I don't want that. I only want yours. You.
Ilya:Why?
Shane:Ilya
Ilya:Shane. You hurt his feelings.
Ilya:You need to be good, now. Be a nice boy for him.
Shane:I can be good. Please.
Ilya:I know you can. So tell me why you don't want other cock and I'll give you what you want.
Shane:Because they couldn't make me feel the way yours does.
Ilya:How does it make you feel?
Shane:Ilya, please.
Ilya:It is okay, sweetheart. You can say it. How does my cock make you feel?
Shane:Like a slut.
Shane:Like you could fuck me until I pass out and it still wouldn't be enough.
Ilya:Such a good boy.
Shane:Can I facetime you?
Ilya:Yes.
Yuna
Wednesday 5:21 PM
Ilya:Where do you buy your vodka?
Yuna:Oh, I'm not sure. Let me ask David.
Ilya:No, it is fine
Ilya:Do not bother him.
Yuna:It's not a bother and it's already done.
Yuna:He says it's a small shop in Manotik and he can take you tomorrow afternoon.
Ilya:What?
Yuna:He'll pick you up around 4
Yuna:I'll give him your number so he can text you.
Ilya:Wait
(343) 555-8944
Wednesday 5:37 PM
David:did yuna tell you what I said?
David:this is david
David:shane's dad
Ilya:Yes, I know
Ilya:Yes, Yuna told me
Ilya:But it is fine. Just tell me the name of the shop and I can go myself.
David:no, i'll take you
David:i think the owner is holding out on giving me the best stuff
David:you sweet talk him with a little russian and we'll call it even
Ilya:Russian talk is not sweet.
David:russian sour talk is fine, too
Jane🫦
Thursday 9:37 PM
Ilya:I think maybe your father is not so boring
Shane:Uh oh. What does that mean?
Ilya:He holds vodka much better than you.
Shane:Oh God, did you drink with him?
Ilya:Yes.
Shane:Please tell me you didn't try to keep up with him.
Ilya:You want me to lie?
Shane:Lol. Did mom drive you home at least?
Ilya:No.
Shane:What? Why not?
Ilya:She is making me stay the night. I am in world famous Shane Hollander's bedroom.
Shane:No
Ilya:Yes
Ilya:I am touching all your things
Shane:I'm going to kill them
Ilya:So many hockey players on your wall. Like a teenage girl's room.
Shane:Teen girls don't put hockey players on their walls, asshole
Ilya:Sveta did
Shane:Your ex was obviously deranged. She dated you after all.
Ilya:You also date me
Shane:Yeah, well, I'm clearly deranged, too
Ilya:Where is your porn?
Shane:What?
Ilya:I checked under the bed. I checked in closet, Where did you hide it?
Shane:I don't have porn in my childhood bedroom you psychopath!
Ilya:Because you took it with when you moved out?
Shane:I mean, yeah, obviously.
Ilya:😢
Shane:Go to bed, Ilya. And do not jerk off in my parent's house.
Ilya:We will see.
Yuna
Sunday 8:51 AM
Yuna:What time are you coming over?
Ilya:When?
Yuna:Today, obviously. Shane's game? We talked about it on Thursday?
Ilya:Oh. Yes. Of course. The game. I remember this.
Yuna:🙄
Yuna:Next time you drink with David, I'll make sure to write the plans you make on a post-it note and leave it on your forehead.
Ilya:Yes, that is probably a good idea.
Yuna:Game is at 4, so how about you come by at 2 and we can have a late lunch and some wine. No vodka this time for you two lushes.
Ilya:Okay.
Ilya:If this is what you want, then okay.
Yuna:Of course it's what we want. Could you pick up some tortilla chips on the way over?
Ilya:👍
Jane🫦
Sunday 3:03 PM
Ilya:Good luck.
Ilya:But know that however many goals you score tonight
Ilya:I will score the same plus two on Wednesday
Shane:I love you, too.
Sunday 8:03 PM
Ilya:Good job. Hat trick is very sexy 😘
Shane:Thanks
Shane:You ready to get five goals?
Ilya:Is this a hard thing to do?
Shane:Lol. Cocky asshole.
Ilya:Yes. My two favorite things. Cock и asshole.
Shane:...
Ilya:Is a very funny joke for Russians.
Shane:Lol. If you say so.
Yuna
Wednesday 10:17 AM
Ilya:I can leave tickets for my seats at will call
Ilya:If you are bored tonight
Ilya:Either way, it is not a big deal.
Yuna:That's such a nice offer, Ilya
Yuna:But we already made other arrangements
Ilya:Yes, of course. It is fine. Really. Game will be a shit show so it is better to miss, I think.
Yuna:Oh, sorry, I wasn't clear
Yuna:We bought season tickets already.
Ilya:Oh. Okay.
Yuna:We're looking forward to the shit show. Good luck, honey!
Ilya:Thank you, Yuna.
Jane🫦
mobile
8:56 PM
David
mobile
8:41 PM
Yuna
mobile
8:27 PM
Yuna
mobile
8:19 PM
Jane🫦
mobile
8:04 PM
Jane🫦
Wednesday 9:22 PM
Shane:Is everything okay?
Ilya:Everything is fine.
Shane:My mom says you keep sending her and my dad to voicemail?
Ilya:I warned them. I said the game would be a shit show. Is not my fault they did not listen.
Shane:What?
Ilya:It is not my fault they wasted a whole evening coming to watch.
Shane:Nobody thinks it's your fault.
Shane:They were just going to see if you had plans for after the game.
Ilya:Why?
Shane:They probably wanted to grab dinner with you.
Ilya:Oh.
Shane:Just shoot them a text. It'll be fine.
Shane:Nobody is going to be mad about you losing a game.
Ilya:I love you.
Shane:I love you, too. Now text my parents so they know you're not dead.
Ilya:Yes. Okay.
Yuna
Wednesday 9:26 PM
Ilya:Hello. I am sorry I missed your calls. Thank you for coming to my game.
Yuna:You'll get them next time 🙂
Ilya:You really think this? 🤨
Yuna:Well. You'll get them eventually.
Yuna:Sometime. Somewhere. Once you get a better right wing, probably.
Ilya:☠️
Yuna:Lol. Are you hungry?
Ilya:Yes.
Yuna:Come over. I can heat up some soup.
Ilya:Is not too late?
Yuna:Of course not. You're family.
Ilya:I will be there soon.