Chapter Text
In the usual dusty and grimy atmosphere at HQ, chatters in the dining hall ensue with banging fists after jokes are made. Team Akuta had just gone back from a mission; it was “easy” but tiring, just as most missions go. Riyo would say it was nothing but Rudo, who was sprawled on a chair sustained by a piece of strawberry-flavored lollipop, will say otherwise. Still, no near-deaths or poison, luckily. Joined with other cleaners and Remlin (for god knows what reason), the hall was more than lively and teeming with energy. Even Fu, who was an ex-raider and yet to be accepted into the Cleaners, was sitting beside Riyo, nodding vehemently even if he didn’t understand a word.
However, two people were missing from the scene, their absence noticeable but disregarded by the others. The constant nagging of keeping quiet and the voice that always demanded respect were nowhere to be seen.
Zanka and Enjin.
Nobody knows what’s with them. It was normal for Zanka to skip the festivities, especially in such a packed room. Normally, Zanka would go straight to the showers with a change of clothes and head to the bed thereafter. The ever so serious and efficient Zanka never batted an eye to fun. Enjin, however, never missed any such celebration. You could say they were polar opposites, aside from the fact that both of them were extremely strong and experienced despite the age gap.
Anyway, Enjin was probably tired from all the driving since Gris was not able to come due to an injury. Maybe he wanted to skip showering with the others later and seized the opportunity to be alone. Maybe he was already in bed, sound asleep in his room that was half a trash heap and half a livable space for an actual human being. Or maybe, he was in a much cleaner room — a swept, organized, and fragrant haven that smelled only like one person, and he knows this person well. One may even wonder if this room was actually in the Ground. He was in a room that wasn't his, obviously. He was in Zanka’s.
The reason? To reject the boy. Prior to the mission, and even before any other mission, Enjin knew — he always did — that the kid he had saved back then felt something deeper for him. Something a student is forbidden to feel for his mentor. Even if Zanka hid it perfectly, even deceiving the others, he couldn’t perfectly deceive Enjin. Enjin always had a good eye.
The burden of knowing has been weighing heavy on his shoulders and it makes it harder for him to act all carefree when he can feel Zanka’s gazes, filled with hope, in a number of situations. During missions, when he’s driving, roaming the HQ halls, or sitting with him in the communal room. The silence and atmosphere is all too heavy not for Enjin to notice. It was time to clear it up for the better.
“Enjin, why did you follow me all the way here?”
“So you did notice, why didn’t you say a word?”
“Just because.” I wanted to be alone with you, even if I know what's to come.
The door was left unclosed with only warm but dim yellow lights seeping through the gap. Zanka’s alone with Enjin, in his room, and he’s trying so hard to remain composed. But, real feelings seep out when faced with the truth. Zanka knew why Enjin was here. He knew why he followed him uncharacteristically, knew why he looked slightly off during the mission, knew why they were here, alone together. And he knew what Enjin was going to say next.
“Look, Zanka, I’m just gonna get this out of the way. I know you—“
A soft and slender hand presses against Enjin’s mouth. It smelled of flowers, a very odd scent; after all, real flowers do not prosper on the Ground.
“It’s okay, Enjin. You’re going to reject me, aren’t you? I already know everything. I like you, and I mean romantically, and you knew that. What I feel for you is practically forbidden. I mean, for fuck’s sake, you’re like a mentor to me and technically at an old man’s age.” Zanka rambled, trying to maintain composure, but there was an undeniable undertone of sadness and acceptance in his voice.
I knew all of this would happen the moment I came to like him. I mean, Enjin only likes curvy and carefree women. I’m nowhere near and will never be those things. I always knew this was inevitable and so I’ve prepared. But, why does it still hurt so much? Zanka bit his lip to remind himself — he wanted this, so he should just suck it up.
Just as his thoughts clouded him, Enjin’s voice breaks through. “Hey, that last part wasn’t necessary!”
Both men smile for a moment before the truth drops like a mic.
“Zanka. You already said it, I’m probably a bit too old for you. No, definitely too old for you. But more importantly, I don’t commit to romantic relationships. High maintenance relationships don’t have room here on the Ground, but maybe that’s just me. You’re cute and everything, one of the most talented givers I know. But Zank, we’re just too incompatible.”
And silence. 1, 2, 3… 20 seconds pass without a word being uttered. Only the faint sound of laughter echoing in the halls and bugs made themselves known. Enjin could only look at the top of the boy’s head while the latter looked down at his feet.
“I just don’t want you to be hurt further, kid.”
Enjin braces for whatever scene will unfold before him as Zanka raises his head. Will he cry? Will tears run uncontrollably? Would he tell him to get lost? Would he run away? But, none of that happened. Instead, Zanka’s face looked like it was pulled from a completely different situation.
He was smiling lightly with the kindest eyes Enjin has ever seen on someone after getting their heart broken. No tears were in sight, not even a gram of it.
“Okay. I understand, Enjin. Thank you for telling me so gently.”
Enjin’s throat constricts. Did Zanka mix up his emotions, perhaps? He was now feeling bad for rejecting the kid but it had to be done; even more guilt will wallow him if he doesn’t. But man, why did he have to look at me like I hung up the stars and colored the rainbows after rejecting him? At least tear up a little and curse me, damn kid.
Enjin was now more worried because Zanka reacted so unexpectedly, but he set it aside. Different people have different ways of coping and Zanka probably wanted to be alone right now, away from his heartbreaker.
“I’ll get going now, okay? Make sure to rest well after having a shower, there’s really no work for us tomorrow.” With that, Enjin smiles and turns. He was about to leave, but not until he says something full of nothing but concern and care.
“You sure have grown up, Zank. You even know what love is now. Find someone your own age, okay?”
“Okay, okay. Whatever you say, Enjin. You’re talking like a grandpa. Go now, you smell of sweat.”
Just as Zanka was about to let his tears fall, and just as Enjin opens the door, someone’s short stature comes into view. Someone very, very unexpected. Three pairs of eyes stare at each other.
“U-um… Riyo was.. er… kind of drunk? She told — no, ordered me to… come get Enjin and Zanka. But… was I… interrupting something, Sir?”
It was Fu.
*
At this point in time, Enjin had already left, making some bullshit excuse about having to find something in his trash heap of a room. That leaves Fu, kneeling beside the bed, trying his best to smile despite being scared shitless by the Zanka that was sitting in front of him. What’s even scarier, Zanka locked the door.
“Fu, was it?…”
“Uhm, yes! Fu Orostor at your service Sir!”
Why is he calling me Sir? “Say, Fu… how long were you there? Did you hear everything? Tell me. I order you to.”
“Uhm… yes.” Zanka liked Enjin and Enjin turned him down! Hii, did you just hear what happened?!
“What do you think?”
“Huh… what do I… think?” Isn’t he going to hit me or something for eavesdropping?
“Yeah, what do you think about the situation. You heard everything, right?”
“…”
Zanka’s sigh fills the room. “Come on, be completely and brutally honest with me here. I won’t get mad, I swear.”
“Yes.. uhm.. I think Enjin did the right thing. Prolonging it would probably hurt you even more, Sir. And, it wasn’t going to work out anyway. He’s probably someone who doesn’t like commitments. Um, I mean, he did say that both of you were incompatible, Sir.” Fu sweats, ready for angry curses to ring throughout the room. He keeps his head down, refusing to meet Zanka’s gaze.
Incompatible my ass. You just don’t want me, Enjin. No need to lie.
“Okay, thanks, Fu. You should probably go back to the dining hall.”
“Oh.. uhm.. I think they all probably left to rest already, Sir.”
Damn, this is pretty awkward. I’d wanted to keep things quiet with Enjin, but this ex-raider heard everything. What’s more, he’s just a kid, he’ll probably blabber about it to everyone. Wait, is he a kid?
“Fu.” Zanka says as he reaches for Fu’s chin to look up at him. His thumb and pointer finger hold the latter’s chin upward. This leaves the ex-raider flabbergasted and flustered. Their eyes meet and Fu could feel Zanka’s deep, ocean eyes overpower his. He felt weak.
“Y-yes, Sir?”
“How old are you?”
“Uhm… seventeen.”
Seventeen, huh? He’s the same age as me.
“Very well. We’re the same age so no need to call me ‘Sir’. Also, don’t tell anyone about this, that’s an order. You can go now.” Zanka releases Fu and decides he’s done for the day. No use in keeping him here longer, he thought. He’s not a kid so he probably won’t tell everyone about it, plus he gave him an order to be sure.
“Yes, Sir! I-I mean… yes… Zanka…” As Fu stands up and reaches the door, Zanka might just burn holes in the former’s back because of his gaze. Even as footsteps echoed and faded, only two thoughts recurred in Zanka’s mind:
We’re the same age, huh?
The same age.
Same age.
And… he didn’t mind getting called “Sir” by the much shorter boy. It unconsciously flipped a switch within him. For what reason, he didn’t think about further. He was tired, both physically and emotionally.
Zanka got up to reach for his clothes and finally set outside his room, trudging towards the showers. The night has ended for him and tomorrow is a new day to survive. He reaches the shower room’s doors in less than a minute. With the turn of the shower knob, he finally let his tears fall from the ocean blue of his eyes, camouflaging themselves with the continuous water droplets. Despite being alone, he’s embarrassed to acknowledge that even he, ever so serious and efficient Zanka, cries after a heartbreak. Such a childish thing, no? What was he, a high schooler? Even so, he couldn’t deny holding back tears for 30 or so minutes.
He sobs without sound, just as he had always done.
*
In a room far from the showers, a certain boy with a short stature walks cheerfully with a doll.
”Hey, Hii, I’ve made a friend, haven’t I? What do you think? Isn’t Zanka the coolest? He was talking to me so calmly and he’s friendly too! He even touched me!” Fu says with a smile even he doesn’t understand. The boy didn’t know why he was so excited and elated after making a friend. He already had friends within the cleaners — Riyo, Rudo, Follo, and Remlin. Even Semiu and Gris teases and encourages him sometimes about officially being a cleaner (Corvus was away so no official decision has been made yet). So, why was befriending Zanka slightly different?
The boy did not know, nor did he think about it further. After all, making friends is indeed something to smile about with blushing cheeks and a reddening neck, right?