Chapter Text
“But I came all this way,” Jackie said, sounding pouty even to her own ears. Maybe if she sounded sad enough, her husband would figure out how to make her happy.
“He said no,” Hayden said into the phone. He was two floors upstairs at the same hotel in Boston, in the room that he’d been assigned with Shane, though he had no intention of sleeping there. Jackie was sitting at the bar trying to go unnoticed, a seltzer water in front of her. “He pretended she didn’t exist and he didn’t have a girlfriend.”
“We both know that’s not true,” Jackie said flatly, abruptly dropping the disappointment. “They’ve been together for years.”
Hayden sighed into the phone.
“I know, and it’s been a secret the whole time, and he’s sticking with that. She must want her privacy.”
Jackie stood up and walked away from the bar and across the nondescript hotel lobby, her boots padding across the geometric carpet.
“I get wanting it to be a secret from the media, but why does it have to be a secret from us? We’re his best friends.”
Jackie could almost see Hayden running his fingers through his hair.
“Was it the restaurant? I just picked Vincenzo’s because it was well reviewed and they had a couple of things that it looked like Shane could eat, but if they have other favorite restaurants I’m happy to go wherever they want!”
“It wasn’t the food,” Hayden said, sounding disappointed to have disappointed her, though there was nothing that he could have done about it. Jackie knew Shane as well as he did. “He just left okay? He said no and it’s too late.”
“Sure, okay, I get it,” Jackie said, as she zipped up her winter parka and pulled her toque out of her pocket.
She pulled her phone out of her purse and pulled up the WAGS group chat that she had with the other wives and girlfriends of the Montreal players. She had been given a mission and she wasn’t going to fail it. She was representing the family here.
Shane said no, she texted them. I tried to do it the polite way.
Noooooo
Of course he did ☹
Ugh I was really hoping he’d invite you
We love her already we’ll be nice we promise!
I don’t even know what she looks like. I have to know if I’m not the only Asian WAG
You know what you have to do!!
You can do it!
Say hello from all of us. <3
Tell her we want her to join the group chat even if she doesn’t want us to know who she is!
I bet she’s so pretty
He dated Rose Landry and then broke up with her to get back together with his ex, I’m sure she’s GORGEOUS
A call from Hayden came through as Jackie was pushing the exit door open. A gust of wind hit her face and she wished she’d put a scarf on, though it was only a short walk to where her rental car was parked.
“Where are you?” he asked through the phone. “I just got back to the room.”
“I stepped out to get some air,” she said as she walked gingerly across the sidewalk. It was ridiculous, but she felt like if she stepped quietly he wouldn’t be able to hear where she was going.
“But it’s so cold!” Hayden said, before adding, “Where? I’ll join you.”
“It’s okay, I have the car, I’m not walking in the cold,” she reassured him.
She spotted Shane Hollander through the glass in the lobby just as she was stepping into the car. She turned the heat on straightaway.
“I’ve gotta go, okay, love you bye!” she said, hanging up before Hayden really had time to respond.
She shot off a quick text to the WAGS group chat while she watched Shane wait on his ride.
I have eyes on the target, I’m about to follow!
YOU HAVE EYES ON LILY AND SHANE?
WHAT DOES SHE LOOK LIKE?
Omg!!!!!!
JACKIE I’M SO JEALOUS!
Ahhhhh!!!!!
Jackie groaned. She’d meant to sound like she was using spy language, but she’d messed up.
I meant I have eyes on Shane. Lily’s not here.
She saw him open the door and approach a taxi that had just pulled up.
I have to go, following his taxi now!
Jackie put her phone away and put the car in drive behind Shane’s taxi. It was dark and he was sitting in the backseat rather than looking in the rearview mirror, so she hoped she would go unnoticed.
She followed the taxi through the Boston streets. Luckily, they stayed on well populated roads and didn’t end up anywhere so far off the beaten path that it would seem like she was following them.
She only lost Shane at one light – which was terrifying, because this was her one and only chance – but she let out a big breath when she caught up with him at the next.
When Shane’s taxi pulled up in front of a high rise apartment building, Jackie slowed down across the street. It must have been Lily’s apartment. And holy shit it was a nice apartment building. There wasn’t a parking spot available, but she double parked for thirty seconds to watch him go in.
Unfortunately, there wasn’t a doorman, there was a buzzer. Shane hit a button – it looked like the top one, but she couldn’t be sure from this far away – and was buzzed in immediately.
Jackie pulled away from her makeshift parking spot and drove in circles for almost 20 minutes looking for parking until she found a spot. She paid a nonsensical amount of money to park for three hours – she wasn’t sure how long she would need – before navigating back to the building. She really wished she had that scarf now. It took about ten minutes to walk back. She hoped that they hadn’t left for dinner or anything. It had been a while since he’d arrived.
When she got to the apartment, she stared at the buzzer. The top button had seemed right, but was she sure? If she pressed the button and someone said hello, she could probably make a pretty solid guess from the sound of their voice whether it was a woman in her 20s or not.
She hesitated so long before pressing the button that a short man in a giant winter coat, a hat, and a scarf across his face approached and let himself in and held the door for her. Whether it was white privilege or the fact that she was wearing a coat that cost $400 that convinced him to let her in she didn’t know, but she found herself relieved to be out of the cold.
The resident made his way to the elevator bank immediately, tearing off his scarf to reveal flushed cheeks.
There were some chairs in the lobby. Jackie took the chance to sit down in a seat that faced the elevators.
She called Shane.
She hadn’t even told him that she was in Boston, Hayden had. Maybe he would take pity on her.
He didn’t answer the call. She tried again.
Sorry, I can’t talk now, he texted her. But I heard you’re in Boston! Let’s get lunch tomorrow.
Jackie replied with a <3 emoji and tried to think through her options. What else could she do? At some point they would kick her out of this lobby if anyone realized that she didn’t belong, but as long as she sat straight up with good posture and a pleasant expression, she could probably go unnoticed for a while.
It took another half an hour, but Shane finally appeared. Unfortunately, he was alone.
His eyes found hers immediately.
“Jackie, what are you doing here!” he asked in a forceful whisper. He made a beeline for her immediately, so at least he wasn’t pretending that he wasn’t there.
“Look,” she said, holding her phone in his face, “These are all of your friends.” Shane paused a few steps from her, his eyes finding the screen. Jackie had planned this out and she’d run it by the WAGS already. “Every one of them wants to love her.” She scrolled through the pages and pages of excited group chat messages. “We all do already love her! We love you so much and we want to get to know how happy she makes you. Please let us get to know her!” Shane’s eyes were unreadable.
“I can’t,” Shane said. His eyes fell to the ground. It was shifty and evasive, but maybe also a little sad.
“Even if she doesn’t want everyone to know who she is, that’s fine,” Jackie tried, “If you would just add her to the group chat, we could let her get to know us before she ever has to reveal her identity.”
Shane shook his head. He still wouldn’t make eye contact. He sat down hard or one of the lounge chairs. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice cracking, “It’s not like that. I can’t.” His eyes darted to the elevator, but he didn’t get back up.
Jackie tried to understand him.
“You’re not a couple?” she asked. He’d said that a hundred times and she’d never really heard him before. She’d thought he was lying, but she now realized that maybe it was true and he was sad about it. Had it been rubbing it in his face the whole time, if he wanted to be in a relationship and Lily didn’t?
Shane shook his head. His hands were on his knees, arms stretched out, and his eyes were on the floor. “We’re not,” he confirmed, and this time Jackie believed him.
“But you want to be?” she guessed.
Shane looked torn for the barest moment before he said, “No, we can’t. I understand why.”
But there was so much hurt in his voice.
“But you love her?” she asked. She was so sure of it, and he must have understand how sure she was of it, because he didn’t lie.
“It’s complicated,” he hedged. He looked like he was trying to seem unbothered, but his voice cracked.
She stood up and pulled him into a tight hug. And then he was crying into her hair. Just a little, but she could feel it. She knew he must not have had anyone to talk to about this. If he didn’t talk to Hayden about it, that meant that he didn’t talk to anyone about it. Poor Shane.
Jackie held Shane to her. She only barely registered when the elevator bell rang.
But out. Stepped. Ilya. Rozanov.
For a long moment, neither Shane nor Ilya registered the rest of the scene. Jackie watched in slow motion as Ilya Rozanov took three slow motion steps from the elevator towards the door. He had a toque and gloves on, but was just zipping a scarf into his coat when he noticed her.
He froze, one foot forward. He stared at Shane and Jackie in some confusion, though certainly not enough confusion. He was surprised that they were here now, in his lobby, but if she had to guess, the amount of surprise that Shane was here was approximately that of someone who thought that he had left ten minutes ago, not that of someone who didn’t think Shane should be here at all.
Jackie didn’t know who was more surprised in that moment, herself or Ilya. Neither of them said anything.
The silence was so loud that Shane turned his head. When he saw Ilya across the hall he released Jackie like she was on fire.
Yeah, okay, that’s what this seemed like.
What Jackie wouldn’t give to be live reacting to this in her group chat.
But, she reasoned to herself, maybe she could salvage this if she agreed not to tell the group chat.
“I won’t tell anyone anything,” she began, before either of them could lie to her and tell her she was witnessing anything other than the truth. “I won’t even tell Hayden.”
“Hayden…Pike?” Ilya asked, unamused.
Shane looked even less amused as he explained the situation.
“Ilya, meet Jackie Pike, Hayden’s wife. Jackie, this is Ilya Rozanov.”
Jackie had thought that was rather obvious, in both directions, but she didn’t say anything.
“Don’t,” Shane began, “You can’t- Please don’t-“ He sat down hard in a chair and looked ready to shut down.
Jackie watched Ilya watch Shane in that moment. Shane was struggling to keep it together, and Ilya looked like he was at war with himself trying not to reach out.
Shane groaned and ran his fingers through his own hair with both hands and Ilya’s hand twitched at his side.
Jackie made eye contact with Ilya and gestured for him to go to Shane, and for whatever reason, he trusted her.
He went and sat down next to Shane, who leaned away immediately.
“Is okay,” Ilya said quietly, and put a hand lightly on his back for just the briefest of moments, but it seemed to settle him. “Is okay.”
“It’s not okay,” Shane said, looking up at Jackie, the only person in the room who had remained standing.
“It is okay,” Jackie confirmed. “I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to.” It would be very hard not to tell Hayden if he didn’t want her to, but she wouldn’t break Shane’s trust about this and for the first time she did think that maybe, yes, there actually was a good reason that this whole thing was a secret. Maybe there were several very good reasons.
Ilya glanced up at the corners of the ceiling like he was looking for CCTV cameras. Jackie couldn’t see any, but she thought his impulse was smart.
“Let’s go upstairs,” Ilya suggested, before the single longest and most excruciatingly silent elevator ride Jackie had ever experienced. If it was such a nice building, why did it take three years to get up to the penthouse?
Inside, Ilya sat them down on the couch and brought out tea. Jacke would have expected vodka, based on Ilya’s reputation, but as she saw Ilya rub Shane’s back as he handed him the mug of tea, she thought she understood.
Wow. Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov.
She didn’t ask a lot of questions, because she knew she wouldn’t get a lot of answers. She hadn’t been invited up here to get the whole story, she’d been invited up here because of the risk of cameras. It was this or send her out without resolution to the story where she might tell the whole story to all of her closest friends, neighbors, and relatives, or worse, the press.
Ilya didn’t know enough about Jackie to know that she wouldn’t have done that, that he was safe in her hands.
She just hoped that she would get them to agree that she could talk to Hayden. That would make life so much easier.
“I’m sorry,” she blurted out. “I followed you here,” she addressed Shane. “I didn’t know it was your house,” she added, to Ilya. “I just wanted to meet your girlfriend so badly.” She tried to smile apologetically, but couldn’t make her face do it right. She felt too guilty. “We all loved her so much and we wanted her to know that we wanted to be her friend.”
“Your girlfriend?” Ilya said to Shane. He wasn’t smiling, but there was almost a hint of something in his voice. Jealousy? Amusement? Jackie found him very hard to read.
Shane looked unimpressed.
“She means Lily,” he replied.
“Ahhh,” Ilya said, nodding.
“Yeah,” Jackie said, not sure if she was missing any subtext between them, but pressing on anyway. She was pretty sure that they’d all but spelled out that Ilya was Lily. Her name was even similar to Ilya’s. “We just wanted Lily in our group chat so badly! The WAGS are just such a good time and we love the community so much and we thought Lily would love it too.”
“Is about a group chat,” Ilya said, and this time the twinkle of amusement was unmistakable in his eyes.
“Stop that,” Shane said, frowning. “Take this seriously.”
Ilya’s expression softened. His hand went to Shane’s back, and this time Shane didn’t fight it.
“I am taking this seriously, yes?” he asked. His voice was so gentle. Jackie had never heard it sound like that before. “This is Jackie Pike. One of your closest friends. You have told me about her.” He had? That made Jackie’s heart swell with joy. “You trust her, so I trust her.”
Shane shook his head.
“I don’t trust anyone with-“ he began.
“You can trust me with this,” Jackie said, falling to her knees in front of where he was siting on the couch. She clasped both of her hands together in her lap. “You can trust me. I would never, never betray you.”
“Hayden can’t know,” Shane said emphatically, so there went that hope. But this wasn’t a negotiation, so Jackie just nodded. “No one can.”
“On my honor, I won’t tell anyone, not even Hayden.”
“Please,” Shane begged, his voice cracking.
“Shhhhh,” Ilya said, rubbing his back.
“I won’t,” Jackie said, just as Ilya said “We can trust her.”
And for the first time, Jackie completely and totally understood. Ilya was calming Shane down while he was panicking and he was so soft and gentle and sweet and everything Jackie had ever thought about how much Shane and Lily loved each other was so, so right, she just hadn’t understood who Lily was.
And she completely understood just how much Hayden would not understand. He wouldn’t get that there was this side of Ilya Rozanov who was just as in love with Shane as they’d always known Lily to be. They were the same person. And Jackie thought, as she watched him run his hand up and down Shane’s back soothingly, that he was somehow everything she’d hoped Lily would be.
Together, Ilya and Jackie helped Shane calm down enough to decide that he could trust Jackie.
“I’m sorry you won’t get your group chat,” Ilya said as he was saying goodbye. “You came a long way for it.”
Jackie opened her mouth to say that if Ilya wanted to join under the name Lily that he would be more than welcome too, but she bit her lip for Shane’s sake. Maybe someday, but he wasn’t ready for that yet.
-
When Jackie got back to the hotel, Hayden was waiting up for her.
“What was your errand that took so long?” he asked.
“Oh, I ran into Shane,” she told him. She’d told Shane that she’d say that, in case anyone saw him come back in her rental car. They’d straightened out their stories in advance.
“I tried to convince him to introduce me to Lily, but he told me she’s not ready for that. Maybe someday.”
Hayden smiled sadly at her.
“I know you had your heart set on that,” Hayden said.
“It’s okay,” Jackie said, “It’s not about me, it’s about what Shane and Lily need. I know we would both do anything Shane needed.” She perked up. “But he said he’ll come to lunch tomorrow!”
“Good, I’m glad,” Hayden said. “And yeah, of course we’d do anything that he needed. He’s one of our best friends.”
Jackie squeezed his hand in appreciation.
“I’m happy you’re alright with this now,” he said.
“I am!” she replied.
As she was getting ready for bed, she finally worked up the nerve to text the group chat. She had about a hundred missed messages, but she skipped all of them.
It didn’t work out, sorry guys. I talked to Shane and he really wants to stay private and I think we should let him. He’s such a great friend to us, we should respect what he needs. And if someday she’s ready to be our friend, we’ll be waiting for her with open arms. <3 Love you all.