Chapter Text
The pain was unlike any pain he had felt before. It burned, it froze, it stole his breath. It reached for his soul, singing its edges. Parts of himself he would never be able to get back. Jinu could feel himself being burned alive, consumed by Gwi-ma. But that white-hot pain paled in comparison to the agony of seeing the despair on Rumi’s face.
It hurt what was left of his heart. That shriveled up little thing to see her suffer so. For someone so undeserving of her kindness.
The brief jolt of genuine joy when he handed her his soul felt foreign.
It felt like it belonged. Hopefully, it would give her some comfort. Soothe that despair he saw on her face. Though he didn’t know how a tainted soul like his could.
It was all he could give her in the end, even if selfishly all he wanted to do was stay. But her life was so much more precious than his.
He deserved his painful death, to feel the fire lick at him and char his skin from the inside out.
Rumi deserved freedom, happiness, and all she desired.
The Honmoon rippled.
It was her tears and her shout of ‘NO!’ filled with misery that followed him into the nothingness.
Death would be its own freedom.
For a time, there was nothing. Then, still tasting the ash on his tongue, he came to, jerking awake.
You’re a monster, Jinu!
Above him, he saw the familiar red sky of the Underworld. Even disoriented, he was paralyzed in fear. At any moment, Gwi-ma would find him and punish him for his betrayal. The only reassurance he had was that Rumi was safe and she would remain safe for the rest of her life. Jinu promised himself he would hold out under the torture of Gwi-ma for at least that long. But he knew he wasn’t strong enough to withstand it forever. He dreaded the moment he might even convince himself to hate her. Everything in him recoiled at the thought.
But the longer he lay there, untouched with no increase of the voices in his head, the more confused he became. Tentatively, he sat up, taking stock of his body. He was unharmed. Not even a little burn mark. His brows furrowed.
Had the Hunters managed to destroy Gwi-ma? He hadn’t thought it possible. But the voices should be gone with no Gwi-ma.
How could you, Jinu?
They decidedly weren’t.
Confused and paranoid, he rose to his feet. He had to make sure. Jinu lost track of time wandering through the endless, dead landscape of the Underworld.
Why hadn’t Gwi-ma dropped him closer to his throne?
Why hadn’t Gwi-ma summoned him?
The closer he came to the recognizable throne, the easier it was to see the familiar flames sitting on it. Jinu stopped in his tracks.
Gwi-ma lived.
And yet…he was unharmed?
Wandering for days, avoiding any loyalists of Gwi-ma, he realized quickly what the problem was.
It was years before he burned.
Years before Gwi-ma realized the traitor he was.
Years before he met Rumi.
How did this happen?
You think you have any worth, Jinu?
As soon as he could, he made his way to the mortal realm, slipping through the Honmoon with surprising ease. It felt almost happy to let him through, which made no sense. When he found the opportunity, he slipped away from Gwi-ma’s demons, feeling almost ill letting them roam free and take souls. But there was only one way that he could stay. That he could evade Gwi-ma for at least some time. It wouldn’t dampen the voices, but it would rob the demon king of the power to pull him back down.
The shaman was understandably skeptical, but eventually he relented. Jinu wasn’t sure why; he had nothing to offer. Maybe he looked just pathetic enough to soften his heart.
The blessed charm around his neck burned.
You think you deserve anything, Jinu?
He should have known it would be her who found him again. If Jinu were truly selfless and genuinely good for her, he would have ensured she never saw him again in this new life. Help her from afar. She was strong enough to find her own way without a selfish, manipulative demon. Even if she didn’t believe that yet. But in the end, he wasn’t a good man, and he craved her like the first day she had looked at him, like he deserved her forgiveness. Like he deserved her.
If he were a good man, he would have saved that little girl without any ulterior motive. But he wasn’t a good man, so he saved the little girl because Rumi would have wanted him to. Rumi would have saved the girl without a second thought.
It would have been easy enough to dispatch the demons who threatened to eat that little girl’s soul. He was still one of the strongest Gwi-ma had. Those demons were nothing next to him. Low rank and with little more intelligence than mindless beasts. But of course, Gwi-ma could see all through his servants. He had been looking for the only demon who had escaped him with jealous rage, with obsession. He sent more.
They tried to kill him. They attempted to sever the charm around his neck, which kept him out of Gwi-ma’s reach. Just his hateful voice still kept him company. The little girl was still huddling in a corner. Sniveling, crying, afraid. For a moment, she looked like another small girl. A girl who looked haggard with hunger, clinging to the hand of her mother. His shriveled-up heart twitched. Instead of running, like he should have, to preserve himself, he fought. And fought. Until he was dripping with blood, his demonic energies running thin. The claws went through him, and he coughed up blood. With ruby-red smeared fangs, he grinned manically and ripped the head of the demon. It disintegrated right in front of him.
“Traitor!” They shouted and roared.
You left us behind, Jinu!
It meant nothing to him.
Once the last demon disintegrated into magenta smoke, returning to the hell they had crawled out of, having to face the wrath of Gwi-ma, he sank to the floor. He was bloodied and in his demon form. Terrifying and hateable. The girl was still huddled in the corner. She would fear him, be disgusted by him. He shouldn’t add to her fear. Weakly sitting up against the wall, his blood pooling around him, his glowing yellow eyes found his loyal companion, Derpy. The large blue tiger slowly stalked forward. It purred when the meaning of his look became clear. Slowly, pupils widening, he moved towards the little girl. She sniffed but looked up when the large blue tiger approached her. Her eyes widened.
“He will take you home.” Jinu promised her softly.
Her eyes jumped to him, and he saw her recoil. He swallowed and looked away. Not trying to imagine that little girl from long ago who had gazed at him with heartbreak and fear.
Please, oppa! What is happening?
He was just resigning himself to bleeding out on the ground, hearing the soft noise of a portal, when he had a sword shoved underneath his chin, forcing him to tilt his head back if he didn’t want to end up decapitated.
He was met with the sight of an angel.
A living valkyrie, ready to strike him down.
Rumi.
Brilliant, strong, and scowling down at him with the disgust he deserved.
“Where did that…demon tiger take her, demon?”
Her anger made her sword almost pulse, like he knew her patterns would be underneath her clothes.
“Home.” He answered honestly.
She looked flummoxed. Jinu smiled crookedly at her. She pushed the sword forward, its tip digging into his throat. He could feel the sting of pain and the warm trickle of more of his blood.
It would only be right for her to be the one to strike him down. He welcomed it even. Jinu deserved worse for his cowardly betrayal in another life.
“But…before you strike me down for that.” He said slowly. She frowned. His eyes pointedly drifted down to her pants. “Teddy bears and choo choo trains? Really?” An echo of a conversation they had a lifetime ago.
Her gaze followed his, and she frowned adorably. Before jumping up again, indignation lit up her features.
“Choo choo…” He mimicked a train, with a shaking arm pulling on an imaginary string.
Precisely, she stabbed forward, her sword cutting through the clothes of his sleeve, pinning his arm to the wall. He let the weight of his arm hang off it, hearing the fabric rip under the strain.
“Are you for real?” She asked incredulously.
The cocky smile he sent her probably didn’t help his situation.
He hummed. “Avoid the face, please, when you strike me down. Unfortunate souls really like it.”
She pulled her sword out again and returned it to pointing at his throat.
“What? You’re just going to let me kill you?”
“Is that not how it goes between hunter and demon?” He said with a shrug.
You would let us die for your comfort, Jinu?
He could hardly tell her that he wouldn’t be able to try to harm her.
She looked at him, befuddled. He was surprised she hadn’t run him through yet. To her, he was nothing but an unfeeling monster. Her hesitation struck him as odd.
“You…They called you traitor.”
So, she had been watching. Probably trying to figure out why demons were fighting each other. Or maybe she thought they were fighting over a meal. He hadn’t stolen a soul since he found himself waking in the demon world. The only thing holding him back from the sweet temptation was the disappointment Rumi would feel.
His head dropped back and rolled weakly against the wall. His blood loss was weakening him.
“They did.” He said flatly.
“Are you…What does that mean? Demons don’t feel. They just serve Gwi-ma.”
He could almost hear the first question that had been on the tip of her tongue. Are you a half-breed like me? She pivoted before she could reveal her weakness.
“Is that what you think?” He still couldn’t keep the scorn from his voice. “Demons do nothing but feel. Our shame, misery, guilt. It’s how Gwi-ma keeps his control.”
Her hold on her sword faltered slightly, doubt for just a moment creeping in before she held it even stronger, the tip digging into his skin again.
“You lie.” She hissed.
You’re a liar, Jinu.
Jinu looked straight into her eyes. “What reason do I have to lie?”
Her grip around the handle of her sword turned white-knuckled.
“How can you be a traitor then?”
“Willpower and charm.” He said cockily.
Rumi scoffed.
“And…” His gaze dropped to the necklace around his neck, a jade charm hanging from it. Even now, he could feel the holy energy it exuded burning him. Her gaze followed his. Jinu reached for it, lightly tracing it with a clawed finger. “This charm keeps Gwi-ma from summoning me. It infuriates him. I can feel him seethe and rage. The only thing he can do now is torment me.”
“Torment you?”
You deserve to suffer for what you have done, Jinu.
Was that a hint of compassion he heard? Jinu must have imagined it. He didn’t deserve her kindness, not then, not now.
His eyes flicked up to her again, weary. “He whispers in our ear. Reminding us about our greatest failures, our worst weaknesses, our greatest sins. He reminds us how very hopeless our existence is. You’re lucky that you cannot hear him.”
She visibly swallowed. If he hadn’t known she was a half-breed, he would have wondered about the uncomfortable look flickering across her face.
“Are we done with the interrogation then, hunter?” He asked, head tilted back and slumped against the wall. “Or would you like to know what I would recommend for cloth shopping? You do need better pants.”
Rumi glared at him. “My pants are just fine and none of your business.”
He smiled blithely. “If you say so.”
She shifted her blade down until it rested right over his heart. A little push, and despite his charm, he would find himself back in the underworld, back in Gwi-ma’s grasp. He doubted Gwi-ma would be merciful enough just to erase him with his flames. Gwi-ma would torture him for eternity. He supposed he deserved no less.
At least he would be able to take the memory of her with him.
Jinu looked up at her, trying to memorize her face, the color of her hair, the sparkle in her eyes, the soft lines of her mouth, the flawlessness of her skin…
“Why are you staring like that?” She asked, uncomfortable and frowning.
Jinu couldn’t help but smile.
“I’d like to remember something beautiful to keep me company in hell.”
You’re selfish, Jinu.
He always thought that she blushed prettily—the pink hue highlighting her features.
A loud clattering caught both their attention, their heads swiveling around to the source of the noise. Derpy had returned and had been slowly moving towards him, but he knocked over a trash can, now spilling its contents all over the ground. His pupils shrinking, he slowly turned to the tipped-over trash can. With equal speed, he tried to pick it up with his clumsy paws and put it to rights. Clattering, it fell over again. Not one to give up, Derpy tried again. Jinu looked away when he failed a third time.
Rumi was watching the spectacle with disbelief, her eyes flickering to Jinu’s.
“That is your…?” She trailed off, unsure what to call him.
“Derpy.” Jinu helpfully supplied.
“A derpy?”
“His name is Derpy.”
“You named a giant blue tiger Derpy?” There was a mocking undertone in her voice, but also amusement.
“I’m not allowed to judge your pants, but you’re allowed to judge how I name things?”
“Yes.” She said, fighting not to smile. “If you give something a stupid name.”
His heart skipped a beat at the sight of her smile. He huffed in mock affront anyway. Derpy trotted over to them once he managed to right the trash can. His snout seemed to stretch into a slow smile. Rumi watched him with fascination. He sat down in front of her, tail swishing behind him.
Abruptly, she turned back to Jinu, her sword pointing at the ground.
“You need to promise me you won’t take any souls.”
He blinked, not quite comprehending her.
“I’m a demon.” He said slowly.
Her lips pursed.
“Promise me you will not take any souls or…” Trailing off, she lifted her sword again, pressing it against his chest.
The tip of the blade dug uncomfortably into his skin.
“Interesting choices.” He said dryly.
You only ever choose what benefits you, Jinu.
Her eyes narrowed at him, and she pressed her blade deeper into his skin.
“Fine. I promise.”
It was an easy promise to make.
She eased her blade away from his chest, nodding jerkily.
“Yes, good.” She said stiffly. “If you break your promise, I’ll kill you.”
“Fair.” He said with a shrug.
“You’re not going to ask why?” She asked hesitantly.
“Does it matter why?” Jinu said with practiced nonchalance.
“I guess not.” She mumbled. “Do you have a place to stay?” Rumi asked louder.
“Are you offering yours?” He couldn’t help but tease her with a smirk. “Are we going to share a bed?”
Her eyes widened. “No!” She said quickly, blush returning to her cheeks.
His shoulders shook in silent laughter.
“I can still kill you.” She threatened, blade jumping up towards him again.
“And deprive the mortal realm of such a pretty face?”
Her eyes narrowed, and she scowled at him.
“Are you trying to get killed?”
He laughed humorlessly. “Not on most days.”
Your death was deserved, Jinu.
Her sword lowered again, and she frowned at him. He tried to push himself up, using the wall as leverage. Jinu felt himself slipping, and he would have dropped down back to the ground if Rumi hadn’t rushed forward to catch him. She ducked under his arm, letting his weight rest on her. He could feel her cringe with the contact of their bodies, but still steadily held onto him. Jinu couldn’t help but watch her with wonder. Not only had she not killed him, but she also helped him. Truly way too good for him.
“Where to?” She asked, refusing to look at him.
He swallowed the quippy question sitting on his tongue. “Derpy can portal me.”
She made a questioning noise but didn’t ask out loud. Rumi helped him to walk over to Derpy, who was still patiently sitting close by, his tail swishing. He put his hand on top of his head, lightly brushing his clawed fingers through his fur.
“It might be a bit jarring the first time.” Jinu said teasingly.
Rumi’s eyes widened. “Wait! I don’t…” But she didn’t get to finish her sentence.
Derpy’s pupils dilated, and a portal opened right underneath their feet. Quickly, they sank into it, the cool sensation passing over them. Rumi yelped in surprise, but it was too late to pull away. Instead, her grip on him tightened, her fingers digging painfully into his wounds. Rising out of the floor, Derpy deposited them in the living room of Jinu’s apartment. Knowing she wouldn’t want to stay in any prolonged contact with him, Jinu moved away from her, reluctantly pulling his arm away and dropping onto his couch. He would have to get a new one with his blood soaking into the upholstery.
He could feel the shudder of the Honmoon when she summoned her sword again. Once again, he found himself with a sword pointed at his throat.
“Don’t ever do that again if you want to keep your head.” She threatened, but the pale look on her face mildly ruined it.
Jinu mused that she looked almost green around the nose.
“Duly noted.” He replied with a small smile.
She slowly lowered her sword again before she let it disappear. Adorably awkward, she looked around, taking in his simple and cozy apartment, lacking any personal touch besides the bipa reverently placed on a shelf.
“Demons have apartments?”
Jinu huffed, his eyes drooping. He would have to at least bandage up the worst wound, going straight through him, before passing out.
“Demons who have a sentence of eternal torture hanging above their heads if they returned to the demon realm, yeah.”
You cannot escape your deserved punishment forever, Jinu.
Jinu could hear the slow pawsteps of Derpy coming from the direction of the bathroom. His claws clicked on the wooden floor.
He could hardly enjoy the blush on her cheeks with his spinning vision; his head dropped weakly onto the backrest of his couch.
“Right.” She said, and he could hear her footsteps coming closer. “You’re not going to bleed out, right? Demons can’t do that?”
She sounded almost worried.
“Not…typically.” He answered with difficulty. “But healing takes energy, so if the demon’s energy runs out while trying to heal their wounds…” He trailed off.
You thought you could be free from me? Gwi-ma hissed into his ear, eagerly awaiting his demise. You will never be free.
He made a noise, something inhumane and pathetic.
Rumi grabbed the front of his hoodie and jerked him forward, his head lolling forward until he looked at her.
“You’re not allowed to die yet, demon.”
He stared at her, his cat-like pupils dilating. Jinu would do anything for her. If she commanded him not to die, he wouldn’t.
“As you wish, princess.”
She made a face at him and let go of him.
His blood loss and loss of energy finally caught up to him. Jinu could feel his consciousness dwindling fast. Still, he held onto that little spark of power inside of him to keep his body as alive as a demon’s body could be. Gwi-ma hissed in anger. His surroundings became a blur, his attention solely focused on that part, to keep his last bit of energy from escaping his grasp and directing the slow-building trickle into repairing his wounds.
“Give me that.” He thought he heard Rumi mutter and an acknowledging purr in return.
Jinu’s attention narrowed until there was nothing but the spark of energy he needed to stay on this plane.
You left them, Jinu.
He was surprised when he woke up with parts of his clothes ripped and bandages covering his most grievous wounds. Jinu wasn’t surprised that Rumi was long gone.
While he wasn’t surprised, he still found part of himself disappointed that she didn’t seek him out. Not even to kill, as her duty demanded. No response came when he sent Derpy with a message to her—a message containing an offer to talk, along with his phone number. He had taken the time to learn how to use these modern contraptions and had generally tried to update his outdated knowledge of the human world; four hundred years had made quite a difference. He would never forget their messages via Derpy, remembering them with fondness. But that was a different timeline that had ceased to exist because some gods wanted to torment him, he assumed. A memory he might one day share with her. If she ever wanted to interact with him again after all. Honesty, he promised her this time around. Any question she asked, he would answer with honesty, even if it cost him.
You and honesty, Jinu? Laughable.
While Jinu was determined to wait until she reached out to him, that didn’t mean he would leave her without a careful protector. Derpy was only too happy to fill that role. Unsurprisingly, like the first time, she enjoyed his company even if she wouldn’t admit it out loud.
Without Jinu and the Saja Boys, Gwi-Ma used his usual methods to conquer the world: demons and more demons. Unlike before, this left the Hunters chasing down legions of demons every night. Jinu was surprised to realize that the Honmoon was weaker than he remembered. He had entered the mortal world earlier than before and yet…It didn’t make sense. It almost seemed like his plan had spared a lot of mortals. Without him and the Saja Boys, there were many more casualties. The Hunters could barely keep up under the relentless onslaught. Jinu felt almost guilty for abandoning his former plans. To leave the Hunters with the burden of the new reality.
It was this guilt gnawing at him that made him go out and slay demons himself. A dangerous game he was playing. At any of those rips in the Honmoon, the Hunters could show up, and he couldn’t expect Rumi to protect him. Not yet. Maybe not ever. But he wanted to lighten Rumi’s burden. He knew how much guilt she felt for every stolen soul. Gwi-ma raged in his ears, his voice whispering lies and hate into them until he could feel blood trickle down. Sometimes he could only sit on his couch, pressing his hands over his ears, hoping to drown out the voices when he knew very well that he wouldn’t be able to.
Please don’t leave us, Jinu!
His luck eventually ran out. He should have known. The demons were in a bathhouse.
Jinu was just tearing the head of one, the magenta smoke clinging to the air around his kill, when the Hunters burst through the door. Weapons ready and deadly. The demons turned from him to them. Only a slight widening of Rumi’s eyes let him know that she recognized him. He turned on his heel and quickly sprinted deeper into the bathhouse.
“Rumi! Wait!” He thought he could hear one of the other two Hunters shout.
From the corner of his eye, he had only a moment to notice her run up a wall and push herself off it towards him. The rush of heat in his veins he felt at the sight didn’t help him dodge the strike that would have cut into his chest. It wouldn’t have been deep enough to kill him. Interesting. She swung again, and Jinu hopped backwards, holding his hands up placatingly.
“Whoa there. I thought we came to an understanding. As hot as this little sparring session might be.”
Rumi’s eyes narrowed at him, and he barely avoided losing his head to her blade. He ducked underneath it, a few of his strands being cut instead.
“Understanding? You’re here trying to devour souls with the rest of them!” She hissed through her gritted teeth, her sword stuck in the wood. “How could I have been so stupid?” She added lower, towards herself.
“I was killing my kind, not devouring souls!” He said, frustrated when she ripped her blade out of the wall.
“Likely story.” She scoffed.
She sees the liar you are, Jinu.
She was advancing towards him again when a demon broke through the wall. Impressively agile, she still managed to keep the claw coming for her from tearing into her skin, dispatching it on the spot. But the sharp talons had ripped through her sleeve. A torn sleeve that now exposed her patterns underneath. She didn’t seem to realize at first, her angry eyes turning back to him. His gaze couldn’t help but be glued to them again. Just like the first time, he couldn’t help but admire them. So much prettier than his own.
“A hunter…part demon?”
Her eyes widened and followed his gaze. The change in her expression was immediate, hand slapping over the bare skin. There was panic, shame, and something pleading in her gaze when she looked at him like a deer caught in headlights. He tried to soften his expression, encouraging, coaxing…but before he could utter another word, another wall was torn down, revealing the other two Hunters. Rumi looked even more panicked, her gaze jumping between them and the patterns she wouldn’t be able to hide. Jinu didn’t hesitate. He rushed forward. Twirling them, he held her close while he quickly wrapped a cloth around her arm, hiding her patterns from view. Jinu tried not to be distracted by her warm and lithe body pressed against his. He failed miserably. Jinu was painfully aware that he held onto her longer than was necessary before he let go. Without another word, he ran off, leaving a confused and mildly blushing Rumi behind.
She would save her friends and be able to hide her patterns from them another day.
Bring her to me, Jinu, and I might just forgive you.
A few nights after, his phone vibrated with a message.
Messaging her via phone was different from their messages through Derpy.
Simultaneously, it was more personal and yet more distant.
Rumi would ask him seemingly random questions about demons, from their abilities to the workings of their society. Clinical and seeking an advantage over her foes.
But Rumi would also message him about, most likely to her, mundane things in her life. Things that she probably couldn’t share with her friends. Not like she could with him because she had no reason to hide from him.
She endlessly teased him as she taught him to watch the video she sent him of Derpy performing a trick for her.
His cluelessness about many things modern was highly entertaining for her. Jinu was more than happy to be her source of joy. Even if it happened at the expense of his flimsy pride.
Still, their first few meetings were very similar to the first timeline, but still not quite the same. There was no attempt on his part to deceive her. No desperate attempt to rid himself of his memories. Still, she was hesitant to trust him. To trust that he wasn’t trying to deceive her.
Jinu could hardly blame her.
“Hopeless, see?” He couldn’t help but tell her again bitterly.
There has never been any hope for you, Jinu.
And again, she offered him the hope he so desperately wanted. The blue knotted bracelet once again found its spot on his wrist. This time, nothing would make him take it off.
But slowly, somehow, impossibly, undeservedly, she warmed up to him again. Started to trust him again. Him, the selfish demon that he was. Just as the first time, his heart froze and skipped beats simultaneously—his pulse racing when she was near.
Jinu wondered if it would all shatter when she asked questions he swore he would answer honestly, yet didn’t want to.
Drunk on their interactions, on her, just the night before they had sung together, the same song, the same feelings occupying it, just as magical as the first time, he had almost forgotten that Gwi-ma wouldn’t be so easily ignored. That his god was jealous and possessive. Jinu had just agreed to another meeting, smiling at the message she had sent him, giddy at the thought, when the voices clamored for attention. His smile slipped quickly.
You have always been selfish, Jinu.
Have you already forgotten what you’ve done?
You left us! Abandoned us so you could be comfortable!
Selfish!
Monster!
Distantly, he tasted the blood in his mouth from where his fangs had dug into his lips. Weakly, pathetically, he was curled up in a corner of his living room, cowering from his own faults. His cowardice. His selfishness.
His patterns burned red, and his skin had taken on the purple hue that showed his true colors to the world. It let everyone see the real demon he was. The selfish creature, he couldn’t run away from.
He didn’t hear the distressed noise Derpy made or the squawk of Sussie.
Jinu didn’t even feel the burn of the cuts he made with his own claws, blood trickling down his face. Desperately, he tried to claw the voices out of him. Maybe if he dug deep enough, they would stop. Maybe then the pain and misery would be gone. Maybe he deserved the agony of his sins screaming at him, reminding him that any happiness and hope he had found, he had never deserved in the first place.
If he dug deep enough, he would never become something that would hurt Rumi.
Jinu didn’t hear her come in, but he felt it when she gripped onto his wrists. He jerked back, only managing to slam his head back against the wall behind him. The stone cracked under the force. She shouldn’t have to touch him.
The warmth of her touch left.
Good. He thought. She should be free of his poisonous existence.
His claws scraped against bone. If he dug a little harder, he would be able to crush his own skull.
Maybe then the screaming in his ears would also stop.
You will ruin her, Jinu! Like you ruin everything you touch.
Yes, yes, Gwi-ma was right. Rumi deserved to be free of him.
Jinu was about to press deeper, to tear into his own brain if he had to, when her voice broke through the ones screaming and pleading in his ears. Gwi-ma snarled, trying to shout over her, but slowly but surely, he was drowned out by her soft singing. He and all the others. It was a soothing melody, and once some of his senses returned to him, he recognized it as one of the first Huntr/x singles they released. She sang it slower and softer than it should be, giving it a unique, soothing sound.
Slowly, he withdrew his claws from his own skin and uncurled himself. Her soft singing slowly tapered out when he looked at her.
“There you are.” Rumi said, her relief palpable. “He was talking to you, wasn’t he?”
Jinu gathered his thoughts, licking his dry lips. She was crouched in front of him, Derpy sitting attentively behind her with Sussie on his head.
“Talking isn’t what I would call it.” Jinu replied, his voice sounding rough even to his own ears.
“Did…did the singing make it better?” Rumi asked hesitantly, a slight blush on her cheeks. “You said my singing quietened his voice.”
His gaze softened when he saw how unsure she looked. Like her voice wasn’t the only thing keeping him from sending himself back to the Underworld.
“It did. Thank you.” He said sincerely.
Rumi looked down and nodded, a shy smile stretching over her lips. “I…I’m glad.”
“You’re early.” He decided to say, to distract her from her thoughts.
He looked with a frown at his own hands, tinged in his own blood.
“Derpy got me. He was very agitated…for him.” She added with a mutter, eyeing the blue tiger who was watching them with a slowly swishing tail.
Jinu pushed to his feet. “You don’t have to stay. If you don’t want to.” He said reluctantly, not wanting to see her go but feeling compelled to give her the out.
“Oh! I don’t mind staying.” She said quickly. “Unless…you want me to?”
“No!” He said too quickly and too loudly, startling them both.
They stared at each other for an awkwardly long time before both of them looked away. Both their cheeks stained with a blush.
“I need to um…”
“I’m going to…”
They said at the same time, both fumbling over their words and falling silent when they realized the other was talking. Silence reigned between them for a moment too long.
“On the couch.” Rumi was the first to speak up again.
Jinu looked at her, uncomprehending.
“Wait, I mean.” She added quickly. “On the couch.”
“Right.” Jinu said, motioning toward the bathroom. “I need to…” He pointed at his bloody face. “You know.”
She nodded jerkily. “Yeah, sure. Do you need…?”
“No, no, it’s fine.”
Rumi nodded again, head moving too hard, and then stiffly turned on her heel, more marching than walking, over to the couch. Derpy was close on her heels. Jinu ripped himself out of his own stupor and went to the bathroom. He winced at his own behavior—way to be awkward.
He looked at his bloodied visage in the mirror, frowning at his own reflection. Somehow, even when she could see how truly damaged he was, she still decided to stay. He turned on the faucet and took a washcloth, carefully cleaning the blood from his face and fingers. The wounds had already started to heal and would be gone soon enough—one of the few advantages of being a demon. He watched his dark blood, the purple in it unmistakable, disappear down the drain. He wondered when he was last surprised to see it like that.
Setting his jaw, he returned to the small living space. Rumi had made herself comfortable on his couch, half hanging off it with Derpy’s large head resting on her stomach. She was humming softly to herself while she was absentmindedly stroking his fur. Jinu’s gaze softened. Seeing her so relaxed in his space did something to him, something warm and gentle.
“Did you want to go to the aquarium?” He asked, feeling bold and reckless.
Rumi startled and looked up at him with wide eyes. “Huh?”
She had clearly been in her own world.
“The aquarium?” He asked again.
She blinked and then smiled. His heart did something it shouldn’t be able to do, he was sure. Something painful and good all at once.
“Yeah, sure.”
Jinu was an idiot.
He told her she should let her hair down more often because she was beautiful. And how lovely she had been. Her blush was soft, and the look in her eyes was one of awe. Like no one had ever told her she was beautiful. Like he had been the only one. His heart had done that thing again. Painful and nice. He had wanted more. More of that. More of her.
Moron.
Then he told her that even with her cracks showing, she was just as beautiful. Just as perfect. He had added in his mind. He had been pretty sure; her patterns had flashed in colors of a rainbow. But her expression, oh, it had been a revelation. That look of longing, but also the bitterness of denial. His heart combusted and broke at the same time. It was then that he did the most foolish thing.
He kissed her.
Jinu had made sure that she could back away, slap him, leave, stop him…anything. With his eyes, he had hoped to convey that she should abandon him now. That he deserved it. Whether she misinterpreted it or still didn’t realize what he was doing until it was too late.
She let him.
KISS her.
The soft hitch in her breath. The warmth and softness of her lips. The way she melted into him.
Perfection.
It was gentle, soft, warm…everything he wasn’t.
If he wasn’t a goner before, now there was no going back.
She had ensnared him. Trapped him without knowing, and happily, he let her.
Jinu was pretty sure that if he had kissed her before in that other life, not even Gwi-ma’s torture would have made him betray her. An eternity of torture would have been worth it just to kiss her once.
You will ruin her, Jinu. That is all you are good for.
Still, still, what a fool he was.
Not even one inch of him deserved her grace, her tolerance. Not one.
Yet, selfishly, greedily, like the disgusting creature he was, he wanted more. All of her. A part of him even wanted to plot to separate her from her sisters in battle, even if not in blood. He could do it. There was already a rift because of the secrets she kept. All it would need was the right pressure, and then…To have her all to himself…He was delirious at the thought.
Selfish is what you are and what you will always be, Jinu.
But no. No.
He couldn’t take those she held precious from her. Jinu had wanted to be better. Better than he had been, if not even a good man for once in his pathetic life.
That was precisely why he didn’t deserve her. Not even a second of her time.
Because he was selfish and greedy and no good for her.
But somehow, despite that, or maybe because of it, she still wanted him.
Wanted that selfish thing he was because she must know, she had to know, that he was all hers and only hers. Gwi-ma proclaimed to have his soul, but irrevocably, he had given it to her, and she could do with it as she pleased.
Your soul will always belong to me, Jinu.
Kick him. Burn him. Kill him. He would throw himself at her feet. Let her use him. Do anything with him. Nothing would be too far if it meant he could spend another moment with her. Jinu took some sick pleasure, imagining her ripping out his heart and keeping it on her nightstand, right next to her pajama pants with the trains and teddy bears. Jinu was pretty sure that wasn’t normal.
He didn’t dare presume she could ever lower herself to love him.
Not him. Not this disgusting thing he was.
That he could be sure of.
Despite that, selfishly, greedily, he soaked up any scrap of attention she gave him. Any amount of time she allowed him was never enough.
Don’t appear desperate. He told himself, while he clearly was.
Did she notice? She must.
Their relationship progressed into unknown territories for him. After that day at the aquarium, she ghosted him again for some time, leaving him to rot in his own misery. He ruined the only good thing he had managed to find in 400 years. Even the voices of Gwi-ma couldn’t reach him. Not when he had created a misery that they couldn’t hope to compete with.
But then his phone vibrated.
Jinu was pretty sure he threw himself at it, toppling over his couch in the process. Sussie gave him side-eye.
Rumi let him back in. Tentative but…hopeful, shy. Greedily, he soaked it up.
He let her set the pace again. Patient but impatient.
Then boldly, maybe deliberately, maybe not, she kissed him. On the rooftop, the one he thought of as theirs. Warm and gentle and soft. And again, Jinu found himself unable to comprehend how she could bring herself to touch a vile creature like him. How she could look at him and see something worthy, something deserving.
She looked at him with something that he was pretty sure was far from disgust and wanted to believe it. Believe her. No one deserved his belief more than her.
So, Jinu tried, tried to give her that. Trust in the belief she put into him.
He could be good. He could be more than the disgusting creature he was. He could be what she believed him to be—a good man.
You will disappoint her, Jinu.
She started spending more time with him, alienating herself further from her friends and family. Because he tried to be the good man she believed him to be, he tried to coax her back and convince her that they wouldn’t abandon her. They would love her. Patterns and all.
He hadn’t seen it, but at the end had they not sung together? Jinu was sure that he was right.
But she couldn’t or wouldn’t believe that, no matter how much he tried. Whoever had destroyed her self-image had done a thorough job. Jinu had suspicions about who it had been. Guesses. But a good man wouldn’t act on the impulses of a fiend. As much as he wanted to. He wouldn’t harm that person. That terrible woman who had made a good and kind and beautiful person like Rumi believe that she had to hide, that she was hideous.
Destroy her, Jinu. Do it for your precious half-demon. You know you want to.
He wouldn’t.
But he could seethe and plot in silence. Plots he wouldn’t act upon.
She treated him like a refuge where she could be herself. Slowly but surely. Jinu tried never to do anything that would dissuade. Somehow, she became even more beautiful when she was free.
When she let down her hair.
When she dared to take off her hoodie around him.
When she let him see the patterns on her arms and her neck.
Jinu held her gently, as if any moment she might break if he held on too strongly. He traced the patterns on her lower arms, not daring to venture higher yet. Just once, he brushed his lips against them. She almost kicked him then, blushing furiously, jerking out of his hold. He knew she had been close to summoning her sword. Jinu didn’t try again. She was still too skittish. Too afraid of any touch. Somehow, he was sure, she thought she was tainting him rather than the other way around. Ridiculous.
You are the monster, Jinu.
There were days they visited an arcade, a hidden little place Rumi showed him. He had a foreign visitor of fun when they went.
There were days she took him to see movies. He wouldn’t admit out loud that he cried when the lovers got back together.
There were days when they just wandered the streets of Seoul. A strange calm settled over him then, just holding her hand in his, her palm and fingers warm, inviting.
There were days she would show him her favorite places to get food. He didn’t have the heart to tell her that everything tasted like ash to demons.
So much for honesty, Jinu. So quick to be a liar.
There were days they would spend just exploring each other's mouths. Warm, soft, and addictive. Her tongue slick and hot against his. His demon blood boiled, and he was ashamed of the vulgar thoughts penetrating the addicting softness between them.
You’re tainting her, Jinu.
She deserved better.
He would be better.
There were days when he felt… happy.
It was good. Sweet. Sacred.
Too good.
Rumi had to go hunt sometimes when she was with him. He wanted to join, would, but he knew she was scared that her sisters would show up as well, and they would kill him without pause. So reluctantly, he remained unseen but close. She wouldn’t stop him from helping her if she needed.
They should kill you, Jinu.
She didn’t, and he admired her strength, her resilience.
It always allowed him to treat her minor injuries and soothe her hurts. Make her smile again.
Until one night, it was more than minor.
Rumi bled. The smell and sight of it, which should excite it, arouse him even, nauseated him.
Blood was life, and life meant soul, even if it was just a slifer.
“No hospital.” She had said through gritted teeth, holding onto her bleeding side.
“But…” He wanted to protest.
Her eyes were sharp and clear, even through the pain. “The tower. Mira and Zoey shouldn’t be in tonight. Please, Jinu.”
Maybe she has finally grown tired of you, Jinu, as she should.
He could never deny her. It was bad enough for her to let him carry her and even teleport her. Jinu put her down on the couch she told him so much about, just like she told him about her Hunter sisters. She directed him to their medical supplies. When he returned to her, she looked even paler than before. She grimaced and had her eyes closed, head leaning back. Jinu’s heart squeezed in sympathy, and in panic, he tried not to acknowledge. She would be fine. Had to be.
Will you follow her to the Underworld when she leaves the mortal plane, Jinu? Or will you be too much of a coward to?
Jinu treated her as gently as he could, trying not to wince when she did. He let her claw at him when he sewed her wound shut, her nails digging into his skin and making him bleed as well. He deserved to so much more than she did. When he wrapped that last bit of gauze around her and some color had returned to her cheeks, she smiled at him. She looked tired, worn down from pain, but still agonisingly beautiful.
He probably should put her into her bed. Let her sleep. Recover.
Jinu put his hand on her cheek, and she leaned into it, humming happily.
She grasped onto his hoodie, tugging on him wordlessly. She pouted at him, eyes imploring. He couldn’t help but smile. She was adorable when she expected him to read her mind to give her what she wanted.
He should make her drink something before he coaxed her to go to sleep.
She needed the fluids.
So wholly focused on Rumi, everything else faded in importance. Even things that shouldn’t.
Jinu wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. It could have looked like he was leaning over her injured adopted daughter. A demon ready to slaughter his helpless prey. Both of them knew it looked nothing like that.
The pain was sharp and relentless. Sacred, humming metal dug through his skin and bone, piercing his heart with precision and ease. Part of him hoped he had imagined the dreadful accompanying noise, not for his sake but for Rumi’s. The horror in her expression told him he wasn’t that lucky. Frantically, she grasped at him, her trembling fingers spreading around the sharp blade protruding from his chest. Jinu tasted the blood in his mouth. He felt strangely calm. It always had to end this way.
I’ve been waiting, Jinu. You will return to where you belong.
Gently, he tilted her face up to his, making her look at him with her wide, terrified eyes. That gaze pierced him more than the blade in his heart did.
Still, he tried to remain steady. Calm. Her rock in a raging sea.
He only had a brief moment to think about his last words.
Selfishly, he wanted to tell her he loved her. But that would only hurt her more.
“There is no part of you that is a mistake.” He said instead, the last truth he could ever tell her.
Her fingers sank through him when he started to dissolve into magenta smoke. She made a desperate noise, almost feral, but whatever she did next, he didn’t know.
Rumi.
Rumi.
Rumi.
For just a moment, there was simply nothing.
Then there was fire. Burning him, burning around him, burning inside. A hiss of voices clamoring for attention in his head, and one drowning them all out.
“You did not think you could escape me, Jinu?”
No.
But once again, for just a little while, he had hoped.
What a fool he was.