Chapter Text
Caitlyn
-September 2015, Boston-
“How can you say you love me, talk about our future, Vi, and then decide not to try anymore just because you are leaving? You think this is the easy way out?”
Vi didn’t even look at her. Caitlyn knew it wasn’t easy. She could tell by the way Vi stubbornly watched campus life outside her dorm room window. She had her arms crossed, chewing her gum the same way she always did right before an important match.
Vi’s stubbornness was something Caitlyn usually admired. When it made her want something, fight for something, be passionate about something. But now, she couldn’t stand it. Hated it, even. Why did it make her feel like what they had for the last two years was not important? Not worth fighting for?
“Cait…,” Vi’s voice was flat, her name stripped of its usual warmth. “I just told you. I wish things were different. But they aren’t, and you know just as well as I do that this wouldn’t work. Just accept it. It’ll be easier that way.”
Easier. Oh, Vi really was good at this.
Vi turned around, but instead of looking at her, her eyes wandered to her travel bag sitting by the door.
Caitlyn blinked hard, but tears still prickled in her eyes. She felt so distant from Vi, the girl she loved suddenly distant, almost unreachable. This was the person who had taught her how to love herself more, who’d had come into her life like a storm and turned it upside down—in the best way. And now she was walking away.
Caitlyn’s eyes flickered to the unmade bed, tangled sheets still warm from where they had been lying in only minutes ago after a night out at the Black Rose.
A few weeks ago, Vi had told Caitlyn about the UCLA recruiter who had watched her recent matches and had called to offer her a scholarship. He said that he saw talent in her and that UCLA wanted to support Vi in her tennis career. Although Caitlyn was happy for Vi, Vi didn’t seem to share that feeling.
“Vi, this is—amazing! You wanted this for so long. And out of all unis, it’s UCLA! You know how good they are. Remember when my dad told you about winning the NCAA championship in 1984 as team leader? He will be thrilled when you—”
“Cait, stop. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I haven’t even told Vander yet. Please, let’s just go eat,” Vi had interrupted her with an unreadable expression on her face. Caitlyn hadn’t known what to say. Vi has always been passionate about her sport, why hadn’t she been more excited? But Caitlyn had dropped the subject and hoped Vi would come to her when she knew.
Ever since then, Caitlyn had been sure that Vi had only reacted this way because it was a big change, after all. With changes, there came a lot of pressure and expectations. And it would also mean that they would have to go long distance.
But this morning, Vi had said something that made Caitlyn’s heart drop to her stomach. Made her churn, made her angry, made her— feel defeated.
They had been lying in bed, Caitlyn half on top of Vi, her arms slung around Vi’s waist. Her chin was a firm pressure on Caitlyn’s head. She was tracing the sunbeams on her girlfriend’s chest, lost in her thoughts about how much time they had left before they would have to leave for the airport.
“Cait?” She heard Vi swallow audibly. “I…I think we should break up,” she had suddenly said, her voice calm in a way that wasn’t meant for moments like these.
“What?” Caitlyn’s head shot up. Vi tucked a strand of hair behind Caitlyn’s ear, resting her hands lightly on her back.
“I don’t know how to say this, but please hear me out first. I am leaving. We’ll be 2,982 miles apart, and I don’t know how we’re supposed to make it work. You’ll have your life here, I’ll have mine there. We’re both so busy already, and with me on a scholarship, it’ll only get worse. We’d probably see each other two, three times a year. I know how much you hate flying. And I don’t know if phone calls or FaceTime will make up for that, Cait. Plus, this coach at UCLA made it very clear how distractions could fuck with my career— ouch!”
Caitlyn shoved herself off Vi and off the bed, scrambling for her clothes. She pulled them on without giving a second thought to putting them on properly. “Screw you, Vi! Some random coach says something, and you want to break up with me? Is that what I am for you—a distraction?” Her voice trembled with each word.
Vi froze, looking at her in stunned silence for a second, but then she pressed her lips together and began putting on her clothes as well. “Cait, please! This isn’t what I meant! What Sarah said isn’t important to me. What really matters is that we’ll be apart. You truly think this could work? Or would we try for a few months, just to watch it fall apart?” Vi asked. “I love you, but the truth is, long distance never works. All I want is to save us from heartbreak that’s bound to happen.”
Vi was closer to her now, but Caitlyn had already taken a step back. She ground her teeth, recognizing an all-too-familiar feeling in her gut that she thought she had buried deep within her-self.
“Oh, you’re already on a first-name basis with her? Must matter to you somehow, or you wouldn’t have mentioned it.”
Vi groaned, running a hand through her hair. Caitlyn watched her take a piece of gum out of the small box on her nightstand and popped it into her mouth. A habit of stress Caitlyn knew too well.
“I just don’t understand why you waited until now! We were supposed to leave for the airport together! Why didn’t you talk to me sooner? We could’ve figured it out. We could have made plans when to see each other, what to do once we graduate, and plan our future, like we always do. Why didn’t you give me a say, Vi? Why?” Caitlyn nearly tripped over her words and felt a hiccup catching in her throat.
Vi stood in front of her, pinching the bridge of her nose. She opened her mouth to respond when her phone buzzed on Caitlyn’s nightstand. Vi picked it up, clearly annoyed, and glanced at the screen. Her jaw tightened as she tucked the phone into the pocket of her black cargo pants.
“That was the driver. He’s here.”
It was so quiet that Caitlyn nearly didn’t hear her. Or maybe it was because there was a ringing in her ears that drowned out everything around her. But she wasn’t done yet.
“Great. Perfect timing, Vi! When did you decide you wanted to break up with me?” She didn’t even want to ask, but she had to. “Was last night—” Caitlyn pointed to her bed and the crumpled sheets, “a goodbye? Did you want to taste me one last time before you leave? Apparently forever?”
Vi furrowed her eyebrows, and her head snapped toward Caitlyn. “What the fuck, Cait? No, I— That’s not what that was…”
“Well, what am I supposed to think? You already knew last night, didn’t you? When I kicked your ass at pool, when Sera and I sang karaoke for you, when we stumbled in here and had sex? I really don’t get why you would do this! Is this—” She paused. “Is this your final decision?”
Caitlyn felt the tears falling freely now, streaming down her cheeks.
Slowly, and reluctantly, Vi nodded. She felt her heart shatter.
“Then you should leave now. Your driver’s waiting.”
Caitlyn stepped aside, hollow, hoping Vi would laugh, and tell her it was just a stupid prank to mess with her. But she didn’t. Instead, her words cut deep. They revealed a side of Vi that only came out when it came to tennis, but never with her.
Vi’s desperate fear of failure.
“I really wish things had gone differently. I’m sorry, Cait,” Vi said, slipping beside her to grab her shoes from the floor. Caitlyn sniffed and wiped the wet, dirty mess off her face.
“Yeah, me too,” she replied, too harsh.
Vi bent to tie her shoes, grabbed her large duffel bag, and slung it over her shoulder. Her stormy eyes then met Caitlyn’s ocean-blue ones one last time. Caitlyn could have sworn she saw tears prickling in Vi’s eyes, too.
Vi looked away, grabbed the doorknob, opened the door, and stepped into the hallway. She paused. “Bye, Cupcake,” she said without looking back.
Then the door slammed shut and Caitlyn was left alone in her dorm room with a box of Wrigley’s on her nightstand and a photo wall full of memories.
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-March 2018, Los Angeles-
The sun was already blazing, making half the city regret their choice of clothing that morning. And it was only March in LA.
Dark blue hair that belonged to the same person whose heels were clacking on the pavement, wiggled its way through the crowds of people out on the streets so early.
Caitlyn entered her favorite coffee shop in her South Park neighborhood, her usual stop before work. The barista didn’t even bother to ask—her order was waiting by the time she reached the counter. In and out, just like always.
Back on the street, Caitlyn sipped her coffee carefully, weaving toward the glass towers of Downtown. The concierge smiled as soon as he saw her climbing the steps.
“Good morning, Miss Kiramman! Beautiful weather today, right?”
“Yes, thank you, Sebb. Have a good day!” she replied, slipping into the entry hall.
Caitlyn managed to squeeze into one of the elevators at the last second, flashing a polite smile at the people already waiting in there. Pressing for the twelfth floor, she let her shoulders relax against the wood-paneled wall. Briefly. Because her phone buzzed, reminding her what was waiting.
She fished her phone out of her Tory Burch and looked at the screen. There were several new emails, new chats and a reminder for today’s lunch with Jayce.
Jayce T.: Should we meet at Jumsim at 12.30 pm? Please be on time, I’ve a meeting right after ;)
You: That’s fine. See you!
Great. This day was already going to be super busy, and now Jayce wanted to meet up to talk about something. Probably about another crush he didn’t know how to approach. She’d held his hand through enough of those.
The elevator dinged, and Caitlyn stepped out into the bright hallway of her company’s office. She immediately made her way to her shared office with Maddie and Marcus.
Maddie was already there, ever the motivated employee. “Good morning, Caitlyn! Did you see Viktor’s mail about the final steps on the Simona Halep project? He wants a last-minute meeting later today.”
Caitlyn groaned but didn’t answer her because, no, she hadn’t read the mail yet.
She dropped her bag and slumped into her chair, eyes closing for at least five seconds. This day couldn’t be over any faster. A relaxing weekend was waiting for her.
When she opened her eyes again, Maddie was still hovering, with her iPad in her hand, giving Caitlyn a worried look. “Is everything alright?” she asked.
Caitlyn forced a helpless little smile. “I just have a lot on my plate. I’ll be fine, thank you,” she replied.
Maddie didn’t seem convinced, but she smiled back at her anyway.
“Are you sure? If you want, the whole division’s going out for drinks after work today. Could be a nice distraction,” Maddie said and returned to her desk to shuffle through some papers.
Caitlyn looked out the large windows, which gave her a view of the nearby park. No, drinks usually didn’t distract her, nor did loud, crowded bars filled with people she wasn’t close to. She’d rather curl up on her couch under a heavy blanket with a cup of tea and binge-watch You or one of her favorite true crime shows.
“That sounds really lovely, but I think I’ll just be too tired after today. Maybe another time,” Caitlyn said apologetically.
Maddie seemed a little disappointed but quickly recovered and replied, “Okay. But if you change your mind, we’ll be at Savannah’s at 6 p.m.”
Caitlyn nodded. She sat up straighter in her chair and turned on her PC. “Just eight more hours, and you’ll be back on your couch in no time,” she thought as she typed in her password.
By the time she was ready to meet Jayce for lunch, Caitlyn had finished one of her articles for next week’s issue, done some research for Marcus, and reviewed the video Maddie had cut for social media. She glanced at the wall clock, which told her she needed to leave right now, or she would be too late.
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The smell of roasted chicken and grilled vegetables filled her nose as soon as she entered the restaurant. Caitlyn immediately noticed Jayce, who was sitting at a table by the window. He was looking outside, nervously fiddling with the straw in his drink.
Weird.
Caitlyn approached the table, and Jayce turned toward her. He jumped up from his seat and wrapped his arms around her.
“Hey, Sprout. How are you?” he asked. His voice always calmed her down immediately. He had been in her life for so long, he was like a brother to her. She loved having him here in LA, especially since she had left many of her other friends in Boston.
“Don’t get me started! Work’s a nightmare, and this weather is giving me a headache. You?” Caitlyn replied, sat down and started looking at the menu.
“Same old. Work’s stressful, Mom’s doing better, but not quite fine. And my dating life’s boring as hell,” Jayce grumbled. Caitlyn raised an eyebrow at his last comment, but he ignored her and asked her what she wanted to eat.
They ordered, and when their food arrived, they fell into their usual easy rhythm, trading bites off each other’s plates. They always shared their food because they could never decide what to order. It was easier that way.
The quiet was nice—until Jayce finally cleared his throat.
“So, I told you I needed to talk to you about something,” he began, pausing to look into Caitlyn’s eyes. She watched him silently, trying to read his mind, waiting for him to continue.
“I— I don’t know how to say this. There have been some new…” There was more awkward fum-bling with his straw. “…developments at work. I wanted your opinion before I decide anything.” He looked up at her again, sucking in his lip as if he didn’t want to keep talking.
“Jayce, just spit it out. Stop confusing me and just tell me. It can’t be that bad,” Caitlyn said.
He always did this when he did something kind of stupid and was too afraid to tell her about it. This was what that was, right? Just something stupid. Something that she could help him with. Something that wasn’t a big deal.
“Well—” He scratched his head. “Look, a week ago, a coach approached me at Indian Wells qualifying. I had heard of her before because she worked professionally at UCLA, but I didn’t know that she had quit. Now she’s with an individual player. She said that her player’s close to making the US Open, and they’re looking for a new manager since the last one quit.” He paused, watching her intently. He looked like he was waiting for something.
Caitlyn wasn’t sure what Jayce was hinting at, but she could tell that he was too afraid to say it. She had already flinched when he had mentioned UCLA. It could be any coach or any player. But something in her told her it wasn’t.
“Jayce— please tell me this coach wasn’t Vi Lanes’ coach?” Caitlyn asked, gripping her chop-sticks a little tighter. The thought made her want to throw up.
Please. Please don’t let it be her.
Jayce sat up straighter in his chair. “I’m sorry, Sprout. I wish I could,” he said quietly.
Everything around her started spinning. Suddenly, the delicious BBQ chicken didn’t smell so delicious anymore.
“Cait, hey.” Jayce reached out to her across the table. “Yes, it was Sarah Fortune. And yes, she asked if I’d consider managing Vi. I told her I needed some time to think about her request. I wanted to talk to you first,” he explained.
Caitlyn closed her eyes. She took a slow, deep breath. This was not what she needed today. “Was—was Vi with her?” she finally managed to ask.
“No. Sarah told me that she and Vi had only spoken about needing a manager. She heard my name a few times before, and when she saw me at the match, she decided to just approach me. I think Vi didn’t know Sarah would ask me,” Jayce truthfully answered.
His hands on hers were warm and grounding. Caitlyn didn’t notice that her breathing had become heavier. She swallowed and took a sip of her drink. The cold liquid streaming down her throat helped her think more clearly.
“Jayce, what do you expect from me now? What I think isn’t really important,” Caitlyn said. “Do you want to do it? Be her manager, I mean?” Jayce hesitated, then rested his chin on one hand.
“Honestly? I don’t.” His tone was firm, protective. “She hurt you, Cait! So much. I’ve never seen you that broken! And I’m so proud of you for getting to where you are right now. Moving back to LA with your parents was the best decision you could’ve made for yourself. Staying in Boston would have made things worse. Plus, you wouldn’t have gotten your dream job. I don’t want her near you, in any way,” he said with such a calmness to his voice that Caitlyn had to swallow and look away.
She watched the people hurry down the street and the cars coming to a stop at the traffic light. Would Jayce becoming Vi’s manager really be that big of a problem for her? After all, he had also worked hard to get where he is now. She knew about the countless extra hours he put in at his agency when he was younger. He earned his place in the tennis world. Besides, it wasn’t like she would have to meet Vi. Her and Jayce’s job rarely crossed paths.
“Jayce, I can’t decide anything for you,” she said. “Yes, she hurt me. Deeply. But that was three years ago, and I got over it. It was her decision. What she thought was best. And if you want to do it, then do it. I’d never stand in your way of getting to the top.”
Jayce nodded. “I know, Sprout. I just… don’t want to see you get hurt again.”
Caitlyn smiled weakly. She was tired. Tired of hearing Vi’s name trailing behind her like a ghost. Wherever she went, she would see something that reminded her of her Violet. Still. After three years. Even though she wasn’t hers anymore.
Jayce leaned forward. “I don’t know what I’ll do yet. As a highly talented and promising newcomer, Vi would obviously be of interest to me and the agency. And if she wins a couple of prestigious matches this year, the agency will profit even more. And she is still so young,” Jayce told her.
Caitlyn scoffed at that, but she couldn’t deny the fact that she was proud of Vi. It wasn’t every day that someone like her could shake the tennis world. But there was still the sting of what she left behind for her success.
“Oh, shit,” Jayce muttered, looking at his watch. “I’ve gotta run. Thanks for listening to me. I’ll let you know what happens. If you don’t feel comfortable with this, or if anything comes up, you let me know, okay?”
He quickly finished his drink, rushed over to her, and kissed the top of her head. “And if you see your parents, tell them I said hi. Bye, Sprout.”
Next, he was out the door, leaving her in the restaurant with a table half full of food he didn’t even touch. The ramen was still hot. Caitlyn sank a little deeper into her chair and watched the steam silently disappear into the air.
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Back in the office, Caitlyn stood at the coffee machine, ready to make her second cup of the day. Maddie stood next to her, waiting for her turn. Caitlyn faced her and, without giving it a second thought, said, “So, about that after-work event tonight…I’m going to come with.”