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Moving away from Hawkins was the best decision Nancy Wheeler has ever made.
She stayed until her mother and father got out of the hospital and her brother stopped staying in his room all day, and until her little sister no longer crawled into her bed at night. She stayed until her family stopped needing her, and then she left as soon as she packed her bags.
Boston was a breath of fresh air. She felt freedom for the first time in a long time. She no longer felt like a dark cloud hung over her every moment, she could walk down the streets without being reminded where something traumatic happened to either her or one of her friends. She could relax.
She cut her hair short and dyed it lighter the first night she spent in her apartment. Alone in her cramped bathroom with a pair of scissors and a thing of boxed hair dye. She loved it immediately. She got it fixed at a salon the next morning, the edges were a bit messed up. It felt symbolic in a way, like losing the last thing that truly tied her to the past.
She even changed her wardrobe. She stopped wearing as many dresses and switched to mostly pants and blazers. She still wore her skirts and pink blouses, but she no longer needed to uphold the "priss" reputation she had somehow attached herself to. It was a fresh start. However, something still nagged at her.
She could never put her finger on it until she finished her first semester of college. She liked school, the assignments were fun and she was surrounded by people who cared about the same things she did, but it just suffocated her. She was living alone, making her own money, living her own life, yet she was still tied to a classroom. It didn't feel right.
She finished the first full year, and then dropped out. She was worried she'd regret it, she spent so long dreaming about coming to Emerson and now she was willing dropping out, but the second she submitted the documents, she knew it was the right choice. And finally, she was truly free.
She got a good job at the Herald, a trainee position, but it wouldn't take long for her to start climbing up the ladder. Her bosses and coworkers were so much nicer than the people she ever worked with in Hawkins, she was respected, treated fairly, and never went home with tears in her eyes. Her life was hers, and no one else's.
She adopted a cat, made a few friends, and even built her own furniture. Being independent was everything she could ever want, however, she started missing her friends. Her real friends. Especially Robin.
She knew Robin went to Smith College, which wasn't very far from where Nancy lived, but she never reached out to ask if she wanted to hang out. Every time she thought about being with Robin again, she felt a strange feeling in her stomach. It wasn't unpleasant, until she thought about Robin and Vickie, then it would turn into an ache at the very bottom of her belly.
So, when she got the invitation for the class of '89's graduation, she didn't hesitate to go. Both because she would never not show up for her brother and the other kids she's grown to love as siblings, but also because she wanted nothing more than to see Robin.
Going to Hawkins was hard. Every corner of the town held a negative memory, even her own home. She walked in the front door and remembered holding her mother's body together on the kitchen floor, remembered her sister's screams as El, who she missed so badly, ran after her. When she walked downtown to get to the graduation, all she could picture was her brother crying into her arms after the girl he loved so deeply was killed. The suffocating cloud had returned, pouring down on her.
But then the sun appeared again.
Robin Buckley.
Her hair was long and she was wearing overalls, she looked so different, but so familiar. Nancy ran into her arms before she could get a hold of herself, but Robin didn't seem to mind. She hugged her back, smiling wider than Nancy could remember. She loved her short hair and new style as much as Nancy loved it, she told her she was glowing.
Later that evening, the two of them, along with Steve and Jonathan, sat on the roof of The Squawk and agreed to meet once a month in Philly at Robin's weird uncle's house. It only happened four times before Steve got engaged to Kristen. Nancy, Robin, and Jonathan met up twice, just the three of them, but then he started getting all these deals to work on real films and got too busy for them as well. But Robin and Nancy never stopped meeting.
Meeting half way between their two apartments once or twice a month quickly turned into nearly weekly hang outs and talking on the phone practically every night. They talked and laughed like they never were able to back in Hawkins, there was no longer a weight to it, it was just them.
Nancy realized she loved Robin one night after the taller woman spent over an hour ranting about how overbearing her girlfriend was, how she couldn't do anything without Vickie worrying about her and acting like she wanted to be in her skin. She admitted to Nancy that's she felt drowned by Vickie, and those words made everything click for Nancy.
The way she looked at Robin wasn't normal, the way she thought about how adorable was Robin wasn't normal, the warmth she felt every time Robin touched her wasn't normal, catching herself thinking about Robin while she showered wasn't normal, nothing about the way she felt for Robin was normal for two friends.
Nothing about the way Nancy has always secretly felt about women was normal. Nothing about the way Nancy has always enjoyed her own hand rather than either of her ex boyfriends was normal. Nancy wasn't normal.
"Robin?"
Nancy's voice comes out higher than she expected it to as she holds her front door open for Robin. She didn't expect her. She was about to get ready for bed when somebody knocked on her door.
"Hey, Nance. I uh...I know it's unexpected, and late. Well, late for you. I just...didn't know who else to go to, but I realize now that I wasn't thinking properly because you're always talking about how you need to wake up early for your job - shit, I'm sorry. I should've called."
Nancy takes in Robin's appearance. She looks sad. Her eyes are glassy as if she's been crying, and she's fidgeting with her rings. Robin always fidgets with her rings, but she only spins them when she's trying to distract herself. Nancy smiles softly and holds up her hand to stop the taller girl from continuing to ramble.
"It's okay, Robin. Really. Come in." Nancy says, stepping to the side so she can come in. Robin lets out a breath of relief and steps inside Nancy's apartment, the first time she's ever been over.
"Wow, it's nice in here." Nancy hears Robin say as she shuts the door. She turns around to watch Robin look around her space. Nancy takes pride in keeping her space neat and clean, tidying up every night before bed and decorating with little knickknacks she finds at the thrift store.
"Thanks. I try to keep it nice." Nancy replies, not caring when Robin approaches one of her shelves, and looks at the different trinkets that have collected there. Robin is clumsy, not careless. She's not afraid of her invading her space like she used to be when they first met.
Robin messes around with the various cat figurines she has on display, a comfortable silence filling the air. Nancy looks down at her sock covered feet. She's only in her nightgown, and she feels exposed, but not in a way that makes her want to hide, but the type that makes her want to blush like a school girl. She lets the silence hang for a minute or two until her curiosity gets the best of her.
"So...why'd you come?" Nancy asks almost shyly. Robin is silent for a moment, and Nancy begins to think she didn't hear her, but then she looks over her shoulder, setting down a small orange porcelain cat back down. She chuckles.
"Do you have some time to spare?"
Within ten minutes, Nancy and Robin are cozy on the couch, a glass of cheap red wine in their hands, and Nancy's cat, Priscilla, eyeing them from atop her cat tree. They're sharing a blanket over their laps, knees brushing. Nancy can tell something heavy is weighing on Robin's shoulders, she looks tense, and she's quiet. That's not normal.
Robin sighs and traces the rim of her glass, and Nancy waits for her to open up. She searches the taller girl's face, but she's avoiding her eyes, staring down at the alcohol in her cup with a frown. Another sigh escapes her lips.
"I guess I should just say it. I...I broke up with Vickie. I just couldn't take it anymore, Nance. She's always on me about everything. I thought since we were so similar, we would get along. But she just...isn't the girl I fell for, you know?"
Nancy nods, listening to every word that Robin speaks. She tries to ignore the way her heart lifts at the news that Robin broke up with Vickie. She instantly feels guilty and pushes it away. She doesn't get a chance to speak, though, because Robin starts again.
"I thought she was just clingy because of everything that happened, and I was willing to be patient with her, but it never got better. And it's not just clinginess, she's overbearing. Every time I need space, she just...doesn't understand and gets upset. I never mean it badly, but sometimes I just need space to breathe. She doesn't get that. Besides..."
Robin pauses for a moment as if debating on whether or not to say something. She takes a sip of wine and then chuckles dryly, finally meeting Nancy's eyes.
"...I um...I think I like someone else, and I didn't want to string her along. She's still a nice girl, and she doesn't deserve that." Robin's voice is quiet like she's admitting a secret. Nancy's heart drops again. Of course, Robin likes someone else. She's at an all girls college with people who are passionate about the same things. Some music nerd probably has Robin wrapped around her finger, and it will never be her.
"Have you ever felt like that? The...suffocating feeling, I mean." Robin's question brings Nancy out of her thoughts. Her lips form a thin line, and she nods again.
"Yeah. I did with Jonathan. He's great, and it wasn't his fault, but...we went through so much together that it felt like everything we did related back to the trauma we shared. Sometimes, it was nice because I had someone who understood, but for the most part, it was just too much."
She takes a drink from her wine, swallowing the bitter liquid. She debates if she should say the words that are on her tongue. She decides there's no harm in what she wants to say.
"But it's not like that with you." A small pressure is lifted from Nancy's mind. Robin looks up, and the shorter girl loses her breath at the gentle way Robin's eyes travel over hers.
"Yeah?" Her raspy voice is soft and so sweet. Nancy nods for what feels like the millionth time, struggling to swallow.
"Yeah." She confirms, heart racing at the cute smile that takes over Robin's face. She no longer looks sad, or nervous, or guilty. She's looking at Nancy like she hung the moon, and for once, Nancy recognizes it.
"Nance...I...I really want to kiss you." Robin's confession comes out in a single breath, and something tugs on Nancy, but it's not physical.
"Then do it, I won't mind." Nancy doesn't realize she speaks until the words hang in the air, and Robin gazes at her for a long moment before moving. She puts her glass of wine on the coffee table and takes Nancy's out of her hands, putting it down too.
Robin leans forward, her hand gently cupping Nancy's jaw. For a moment, she hesitates, their breaths mixing and Robin's thumb tracing Nancy's cheekbone. The world seems to stop spinning, and there's no one else. They hold each other's gaze steadily before Robin finally closes that gap, and everything falls into place.
Robin's lips are softer than anything Nancy's ever felt. Her hands are warm as they hold her, pulling her closer. She's never kissed a girl before, and it's everything she's been missing. There's no painful stubble scratching her chin, no rough hands pawing at her, just gentleness, warmth.
Nancy's arms wrap around Robin's neck, pressing into her, wanting to be as close as she can to her. When Robin's hand makes its way to her hair, she moans into Robin's mouth without meaning to. She pulls away, embarrassment clear on her cheeks.
"I'm sorry, I...I don't know what came over m-" Robin doesn't let her finish. She kisses her again, smiling against her lips.
"Don't worry. I loved it, okay? Just don't stop kissing me."
They lean forward again, and they don't pull away for what feels like hours. They curl closer together, making out on Nancy's couch, tasting wine on each other's tongues. Nancy swears she died and went to heaven. Robin kisses her like she's the only thing in her world, and to Nancy, she truly feels like it.
Robin Buckley is nothing like she's ever experienced, and she's already addicted.