Chapter Text
Part I
Summer 1978
“You know what? Michael actually did me a favour by running away like a dog.”
Jackie was pacing back and forth behind the sofa in Forman’s basement, and Hyde wondered, not for the first time, how painful it would be if he asked someone to drop one of the full cases of soda by the deep freeze on his head. Forman himself was standing by the stereo, going through records and undoubtedly looking for something absolutely horrendous to put on. Hyde was thankful the guy was at least not in his underwear today and seemed to have showered. However, his best friend was still an absolute mess over Donna going to California with Kelso and aggravating him nearly as much as the shrill cheerleader.
“If he had stayed, we would have gotten married, and I would have had his huge, stupid babies, and we would have ended up divorced. And married again. And divorced again. And married again. And divorced again. He was never going to stick around.”
Hyde looked up from the book he was trying to read and was about to ask her if she felt all right, because she was finally seeing the obvious, when Linda Ronstadt’s voice filled the basement. Again. He quickly went over to the stereo and lifted the needle.
“Forman, if I have to listen to you wail out Love has no Pride one more time, I’m going to ram Red’s foot up your ass myself.”
“It’s a modern classic!” Eric protested, but he must have sensed how serious Hyde was, because he was already backing away. Instead of putting something else on, Hyde went back to his usual spot and picked his book back up from the spool table.
“Donna did you a favour too, Eric. You obviously want different things.”
Another surprisingly astute insight from her, Hyde thought.
“And she needs a boyfriend who isn’t half her size. What were you going to do? Have her carry you over the threshold? Please.”
And there it was.
“I could totally carry Donna.”
“You couldn’t even carry me, let alone that lumberjack.”
Hyde slammed his book shut once again and got up. “Would you guys finally shut—“
“Yeah? Come here!” Forman stepped up to Jackie, bending slightly to put one arm behind her knees and one behind her back. But instead of righting himself and lifting her bridal style like he was clearly trying to do, he ended up lifting her feet off the floor just enough to cause them both to stumble forward with a yelp when he couldn’t straighten his back again.
“Yeah, that’s enough”, Hyde muttered, went over to where they were lying in a heap behind the sofa, and picked up Jackie himself.
“Let me down!” She started kicking her legs and pushing against his chest, but Hyde just marched over to the basement door and readjusted her a bit to open it.
“Just showing Eric how it’s done, princess”, he said sarcastically and dropped her on the other side of the door before slamming it in her face. He waited for a few seconds, half expecting her to barge back in. After a moment, however, he heard her stomp up the stairs and looked over at his friend, who was back on his feet by now.
“Pull yourself together, man, this is embarrassing. I’ve had to listen to both of you bitch and moan for days now. She’s a girl, what’s your excuse?”
With that, he went into his room, grabbed his headphones, and put on some Black Sabbath. He never thought he’d see the day when he was actually looking forward to summer being over. While he had never been in love himself, hell no, he somewhat understood why Forman was so down. He had always been crazy about Donna, and this must feel like the end of the world as he knew it. Still, he was being fucking annoying. Moping around in his Star Wars underpants wasn’t going to help him get Donna back or get with any other chick in the future. As for Jackie… While her anger toward Kelso was understandable, it came far too late. The guy had always been a shitty boyfriend, and she should not have been surprised that her marriage talk had sent him running for the hills. Better guys than Kelso would have hoofed it in that situation. Not having to listen to her boss Kelso around and whining at him was a blessing, but she was still as annoying as ever, switching between angry tirades and sulking nearly as much as Forman did. Love really did make you stupid—another reason not to buy into it.
Fez being around less because of his part-time gig at the DMV didn’t help matters either. When he wasn’t in the basement, there was absolutely no reprieve from those two idiots. Then again, even when he was around, it was mostly all Nina this, Nina that.
Perhaps he should consider taking on more shifts at the restaurant. Or drive Forman, Fez, and Jackie out into the woods and leave them there.
He was in for a long summer.
*****
A few days later, Hyde was sitting in a booth at the Hub with Fez on one side and Jackie on the other in a chair. Across from him, Forman was currently scribbling furiously on a notepad. He had said something about preparing a speech for when Donna came back, and that was the point at which Hyde had zoned out for a good five minutes. He was busy mentally cataloguing his record collection when Jackie’s voice pulled him back to reality.
“Could this summer get any worse?”
“Probably”, came his automatic reply. “Why are you here anyway? Don’t you have some cheerleaders to hang out with or children to scare?”
She rolled her eyes. “Half the team is away on holiday, and the other half would just make fun of me because of Michael anyway.”
He could see that she was gearing up for another ‘Michael is a heartless moron’ speech. The last one had been just half an hour ago, so he quickly turned to Fez.
“Did you do it with Nina yet?”
He knew the answer already, of course. Fez wouldn’t be sitting here sipping his third milkshake if he had finally lost his virginity. He’d be throwing a parade down Main Street, wearing sequins, no doubt.
“No… I try to flirt with her, but she is immune to my many charms. Maybe she doesn’t have needs?”
“She probably has needs for a guy who already knows how to open a bra”, Jackie threw in, making Hyde to smirk.
Fez gave her an enraged look. “I know how to open a bra! I practiced on myself.”
Forman stopped writing and looked up at his friend in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
“I put on a bra and opened and closed it many times. Isn’t that how you learned to do it?”
Hyde shook his head: “Just be quiet, man.”
Fez looked even angrier now, clearly feeling embarrassed. “I bet Kelso never opened your bra for you, Jackie. He needs help unwrapping a Tootsie Roll.”
Jackie shrugged. “I usually don’t wear bras. I’m naturally perfect.”
The boys threw each other looks, and while Hyde and Eric managed not to look over at Jackie, Fez had zeroed in on her chest immediately. When he opened his mouth to say something else stupid, Hyde kicked his shin under the table. The last thing he needed to listen to was whatever creepy shit his friend was about to say. Any other chick and he wouldn’t have minded discussing her bra or lack thereof at length, but while Jackie was undeniably hot, she was also a massive pain in the ass. It was safer to think of her as a yappy chihuahua rather than anything else, he had learned.
Forman shook his head. “Anyway. How’s this? ‘Donna, I have been feeling like a brittle, empty husk of a man ever since you went away and took my unworthy heart with you. I don’t know how to describe it, but I feel like when Han Solo—‘”
He was hit in the head with an empty Styrofoam cup. Jackie had thrown the cup, but it was Fez who went “Booh!”, cupping his hands around his mouth to imitate a megaphone. The Hub was nearly empty, so only a few people turned around to see what was going on before going back to their own conversations.
“Do you actually think you’re going to woo her like that?” Jackie asked incredulously. “You should show her you’re a man now … I mean, you aren’t, but try to make her believe it. If she hasn’t already, she’s going to find a guy who doesn’t play with Star Wars dolls. You need to do something beautiful that will touch her heart, not make her roll her eyes. Oh, I know! Sing Young Love by Donnie Osmond for her!”
This was clearly not what Eric had wanted to hear, but even Hyde had to concede that Star Wars didn’t scream romance. He would have paid good money to see Forman serenading Donna with some stupid pop ballad, though.
“Yeah, Forman. If she doesn’t die laughing at that, you guys really are meant to be.”
“I love Donnie Osmond. I bet he gets all the girls!” Fez sighed. Hyde really needed new friends.
“Man, if you ever want to get a chick, you should shut up about that. You’ll end up braiding their hair instead of fu—” He quickly moved his head to the side when the same cup that had hit Forman was thrown at him.
“Steven! Don’t say that disgusting word. It’s called making love.”
“Donna and I used to make love…”
The following five minutes were filled with Jackie trying to help Eric with his grand speech. She had often said that she thought Donna could do better, and she took every opportunity to burn him, but she was also a self-declared romance expert and obviously couldn’t resist taking charge. The fact that Hyde was still sitting at the table was a clear testament to how mind-numbingly boring the last few days had been. Eventually, Fez declared he had to go to work, and Forman left too, saying something about finding the perfect love song. Hyde really hoped he was planning to sing for Donna. That would make for endless burn material.
This left only him and Jackie, and he had a feeling that if he were to go to the basement now, she’d only follow him. Might as well sit it out here.
“Wanna go to the mall? They have cute new dresses.”
“Oh yes”, came his deadpan reply. “And then take me out back and shoot me in the head.”
She threw her arms up in frustration. “Fine! But I’ll have you know: You’re missing out on a free Jackie Burkhart fashion show.”
He just silently stared at her from behind his shades, deciding not to acknowledge what she had just said.
“Let’s play some foosball then. My legs are getting numb from sitting around.”
Without waiting for an answer, she got up and walked over to the recently vacated foosball table. Hyde hesitated for a moment. Her suggestion had surprised him. He didn’t think he’d ever seen her play foosball or any of the other games at The Hub. Deciding she must be just as bored as he was, he got up and took his spot across from her at the table.
“Do you even know how to play?”
She scoffed. “How hard can it be? You turn the thingies and kick the little ball around.”
As it turned out, it was more complicated than she had thought. Hyde spent the next half hour alternating between mocking her and giving pointers. By the end of it, she was halfway decent and actually got the ball through his goal. She gave a loud whoop and clapped her hands together. Hyde would never have admitted it out loud, but it was a bit cute, in an annoying, Jackie kind of way. They eventually left and went back to the basement, where they spent the rest of the afternoon watching The Price is Right and Family Feud.
*****
It had been two weeks now since Kelso and Donna had set off to California. Eric wasn’t doing any better, and while Jackie was slowly – very slowly – easing off on the Kelso talk, Hyde was glad he had spent the last few days either working at the restaurant or dozing on his cot while music played lowly in the background. He had the next few days off, however, and realised he had to get out of the basement before he went completely stir-crazy. This is how he found himself in front of the cinema with Forman, Jackie, and Fez, who had just finished chasing Nina around the DMV for the day.
“Why can’t we watch something funny?” Fez asked for the third time in as many minutes.
“We could watch—“
“I’m not watching a cartoon about some old wizard and his dirty Irish friends!” Jackie interrupted Forman, who had been suggesting they watch Lord of the Rings on the way over.
“They’re not… Okay, you know what? Fine. Let’s watch the psycho movie Hyde suggested. Enjoy the nightmares.”
With that, they went to get their tickets and snacks. Soon, they were all sitting next to each other to watch Eyes of Laura Mars. Hyde had actually suggested it because he thought it would freak out Forman and Fez, too, not just Jackie. He ended up sandwiched between Forman and Jackie, with Fez on the girl’s other side.
“If you’re scared, you can cuddle with me, Jackie”, the exchange student suggested while mixing chocolate buttons into his popcorn.
“I’ll be fine”, she huffed, crossing her arms. She had wanted to watch some chick flick and was making it no secret how annoyed she was because Hyde’s pick had won. They all knew she wasn’t used to not getting her way. As much of an ass Kelso had been to her at times, he was also a massive pushover after all.
An hour into the film, it was clear Fez was the only one who was freaked out. In fact, Forman seemed to barely register what was going on. He had flinched a few times, but it looked like he was back in Donna Dreamland.
Next to him, Jackie was busy repeatedly pulling her arm away from Fez, who was clinging on for dear life and trying to bury his face in her shoulder. Her eyes were trained on the screen, clearly engrossed in the story.
“Ai! No, not the sexy one!” Fez exclaimed. He had lifted his head just in time to see another model get brutally murdered.
“Shut up, man! Take your girlfriend and piss off if you’re such a pussy.” Came a voice from behind them. Hyde turned his head to see an annoyed-looking guy around twenty glowering at them. Before he could say anything, Jackie whirled around and fixed the guy with a glare.
“As if I would ever date him! And you can shut your own mouth!” She turned around again with a flick of her hair and pushed Fez away, angrily whispering: “It’s just a film, you idiot. Here, eat my popcorn and be quiet!”, before looking back at the screen. Hyde fully expected he would have to defuse the situation now that Jackie had poured fuel on the fire. Forman and Fez were useless in any altercation after all. But the guy just looked at the back of Jackie’s head with a weird expression on his face and sat back in his chair. Hyde figured he wasn’t used to being told off like that, especially by a girl. He settled back in to watch the film, and if Hyde glanced over at Jackie a few times over the next hour, it was only because he was surprised at how not scared she was.
Once the film ended, the group stood outside the cinema, wondering what to do next. Fez was still shaken by what he had just witnessed on screen and declared he would go to the candy shop because only more chocolate could help him through this. Forman said he was going back home to ‘lie down for a bit’, which Hyde knew meant his best friend would be out of commission for the rest of the day.
So, once again, he found himself alone with Jackie. He was about to ask her if she wanted a ride home – he had also taken her here after Forman banned her from his Vista Cruiser for something stupid like not appreciating science fiction and its romantic potential. But before he could say anything, she asked:
“Foosball?”
He shrugged. At least she didn’t suggest the mall again. Or picking flowers. She followed him to the El Camino, and they spent the next few hours at The Hub, working on her hand-eye coordination and his patience.
*****
Hyde usually enjoyed watching Forman get burned by his dad. They were currently painting the fence next to the garage – at Red’s ‘suggestion’ – while the older man was working under the hood of his car. But with Eric so depressed these days, it was like watching someone kick a puppy. Red had just given another little speech about the importance of not being a dumbass, and his son hadn’t even so much as rolled his eyes. He was just staring at the fence in front of him, painting it slowly in long strokes. Hyde looked over at Red, who actually seemed a bit worried. He might even have said something kind to his son next, but was saved when Jackie appeared in the driveway. Her perfectly curled hair bounced in a ponytail, and she wore a pair of jean overalls with a cropped top underneath, showing off the slight slope of her waist. Hyde made it a point to only look at her face.
“Hi, Mr. Forman! Sorry, I’m late. I had to get my hair—”
Red lifted a hand to interrupt her. “Jackie, I can’t overstate how much I don’t care about your hair. Just get over here so I can show you how to change a tyre. You clearly can’t rely on any of these idiots to help you when you get in trouble with your car. You’ve been good with all the technical stuff so far, let’s see how well you do when you need some strength.”
Hyde knew how to change a damn tyre, thank you very much, and would of course have helped her with it if she needed it, but he thought it wiser not to say anything. In any case, it couldn’t hurt for her to know how to do it herself. Red had been teaching her about cars on and off over the last year, and it could only help her once she inevitably got back with Kelso. That dillhole barely knew how to fill up a tank, let alone check oil levels or the engine air filter.
He did a good job of pretending to paint the fence with Forman for the next fifteen minutes or so. In reality, he was paying more attention to what was going on in the open garage. Red had just drilled the importance of wheel chocks into her head, and she was now about to start loosening the nuts.
“Never do that while the car is jacked up, got it? Good. Now take the wrench and turn anti-clockwise. Really lean into it.”
Jackie did as she was told and started struggling against the wheel nut. Hyde could see the muscles straining in her arms and was honestly surprised she had any biceps to speak of. Everything about her always seemed so slight and soft… And he had a fence to paint.
“Do you need help?” He heard Red ask drily.
“No!” Jackie’s voice sounded slightly strained. “If I can lift Kirsty’s fat ass during cheer practice, I can do this.”
Hyde wasn’t looking over at them anymore, but he could hear how she was getting on via Red’s commentary. At some point, the tyre was changed, and the fence in front of him had a fresh white coat. Eric was still painting the same bit of fence he had been working on for the past half hour, so really, Hyde had done all the work. Once Red saw that they were done too, he told Forman to ‘get his ass inside’. He was most likely going to give him one of his famous father-son talks that would do Forman no good at all.
“That wasn’t so difficult”, he heard Jackie’s voice behind him and turned to face her. She wiped her hands on a garage towel and surprised him by chucking it over when she was done. She obviously didn’t mind getting dirty when it came to working on a car, but he would have expected her to waltz off straight away to get changed.
“I once got a flat tyre on a date out with Michael, and he said he couldn’t risk his ‘perfect hands’ because he had just seen something about hand models. He said I should change it. As if I wouldn’t want to be a hand model? I didn’t know how to anyway and ended up having to drive us back on the side of the freeway in slow motion.”
Hyde didn’t know what to say. He was annoyed with his friend for being so useless, and with Jackie for putting up with it for so long. Maybe Kelso and Jackie really were a match made in heaven after all. He doubted Kelso would ever find another chick who was willing to let so much shit slide just because he was conventionally attractive.
“If only he had been so worried about his hands when he went around fingering half of Point Place High.”
Her blunt statement and the way her cheeks flushed right after she said it made him laugh out loud. Whatever he had expected her to say, it absolutely had not been that. If she ever talked about sex with the group, she spewed some bullshit about ‘making love,’ and that was about it. If she ever heard the way Kelso spoke about their sex life when she wasn’t around, her head would probably explode.
“Nice one”, he said, walking into the garage to drop the towel back. When he came back out, Jackie was standing by the basketball hoop, picking up the ball. She took a few steps back and let out a frustrated noise when she threw the ball, and it didn’t even come close to touching the bottom of the net. After another failed attempt and many dirty looks towards the hoop, as if it had personally offended her, Hyde finally asked:
“Since when do you like basketball?”
“I don’t. It’s stupid. But I already went to the mall this morning, got my hair done, and have planned out my colour palette for the next semester. I’m bored.”
She held the ball over her head with both hands and managed to throw it in a straight line into the bushes behind the hoop rather than up. He walked over with a laugh, ignoring the death glares she was sending him.
“I’ll teach you, Beulah.”
Avoiding her arm as she tried to hit him in the chest, he fished the ball out of the bushes and showed her where to stand.
“Hold the ball like this… light jump and throw.”
He wasn’t sure how much time they spent out there until she was able to make two throws in a row, but when she finally did and gave him a big smile, he asked:
“Is basketball still stupid?”
“Yeah… Like foosball!” She stuck her tongue out at him all cute, and he quickly had to do something, so he… patted her head, like an idiot. She gave him a strange look, and Hyde decided to slam his head into a wall the next time the opportunity presented itself. He also made a mental note to punch Kelso in the arm as soon as he came back. The guy's absence was clearly leading Hyde down a path he had decided not to walk over a year ago.
*****
The circle always felt quite different when Jackie joined in. She didn’t do it often, especially not since last year when she finally stopped buzzing around Hyde like a frilly mosquito. If Hyde hadn’t been so stoned, he might have realized that the two of them had spent the last three weeks doing what she’d been begging him for back then: spending a lot of time together. But who could blame him? With Kelso and Donna gone, Eric acting like a broken-hearted little bitch, and Fez more preoccupied with his virginity than ever, there wasn’t much to work with around here.
The girl in question was sitting in Kelso’s usual spot and giggling about something or other. He wasn’t even sure anyone had said anything in the last minute.
“Eric! Eric…” She leaned over to Forman and kept slapping his shoulder to get his attention. “Has anyone ever told you that you look like a lollipop?” With that, she broke out into another fit of giggles.
“He wishes Donna still wanted his lollipop!” Fez threw in before his confused-looking friend could come up with a reply.
“No Donna-talk in the circle!” Hyde reminded everyone. “Or Kelso”, he added with a glance at Jackie, who was still giggling away.
“Good. That means I can talk about Nina.”
“No!”
Fez ignored Hyde’s and Eric’s interjections and kept going: “Fez is this close to finally doing it with a woman!” He held his index finger and thumb close together without them touching. He struggled a bit and lost focus for a second before continuing: “She looked at me like she had needs yesterday. Needs for me, Fez!”
“Listen, man, you’ve got to stop talking about your needs and other people’s needs all the time. It sounds weird and creepy.”
“Yeah,” Jackie agreed with Hyde once her giggle fit finally subsided. “And sex isn’t that great anyway. You hear all these romantic stories and wait your whole life to do it, and then it’s over in two minutes. Then you’re expected to do it all the time, and you never say no because you don’t want to end up alone, and then Nina will sleep with Pam Macy and Eric’s slutty sister anyway! Hey, are there any chips left in there?” She made grabby hands toward the open bag on Hyde’s other side, and he handed it to her. She immediately started hunting for crumbs at the bottom of the bag, and Hyde was torn between wanting to laugh at how cute she was being and asking her if she seriously thought sex was something she had to do to keep a guy from cheating. He hoped he would forget all about that little tidbit when his buzz wore off, but he had a feeling he wouldn’t.
“I hope Nina wants to sleep with Pam Macy and Slutty Laurie”, Fez said dreamily. “Oh no, I have needs again.”
Jackie was still busy with the nearly empty chips bag and leaned back and sideways to tip whatever was left in there out into her mouth.
Hyde slapped the top of the spool table. “New rule: No talking about Donna, Kelso, Nina, Pam Macy, Slutty Laurie, or needs while we’re in the circle. You guys are killing the vibe.”
Suddenly, Jackie let out a loud yelp and started frantically waving her arms as she had leaned too far to the side and lost her balance. She fell off the sofa towards Eric and managed to hit him in the stones on the way down before she landed on the floor.
“My balls!” Eric yelled, cradling himself as he fell forward, and his face hit the table.
“Ew! I touched Eric’s tiny balls!”
“Sexy!”
“You’re all a disgrace to the circle, man.”
*****
If someone had told Hyde before summer started that he would be teaming up with Jackie Burkhart to shake down others at foosball, he would have asked if aliens were about to invade, too. With the way things had been going over the last three weeks, though, he wasn’t surprised in the slightest. He knew she wouldn’t admit it, but she enjoyed foosball. And she had quickly gotten damn good at it. They had been spending the day together yet again, first hanging out with Forman and Fez in the basement and now at The Hub, playing 2v2 against some guys from Jackie’s grade. Hyde only vaguely recognised one of them as part of the school’s basketball team, but it didn’t really matter who they were. What was important was that he and Jackie were kicking their asses.
“Yes!”
The little plastic ball smashed into the blue goal with a decisive clink, and Jackie jumped up in triumph.
“Suck it, Travers!”
One of the guys, Travers, Hyde figured at his sour expression, dropped a few dollar bills into Jackie’s open palm.
“You’re much cuter when you’re cheering your butt off at football games.”
Hyde rolled his eyes behind his shades but let Jackie lead – and hopefully end – this conversation. He spent most of his time at school avoiding having to talk to guys like these two, and wasn’t about to change tactics now.
“I happen to think I’m even cuter when I’m taking your money.” She gave the guy a sweet smile as she pocketed the bills. The other guy, who had also been mostly quiet up until now, looked between her and Hyde, and it was clear what he was going to ask before he even opened his mouth.
“Why are you guys hanging out anyway? Aren’t you with Michael Kelso?”
“And aren’t you supposed to be in summer school, James? Steven and I are friends. Friends who are going to go spend some money now. Bye.”
With that, she waved them off, and they actually… left. Hyde would never understand how she managed to order guys around like that, just with a wave of her hand. It was both pathetic and fascinating.
“What do you want to do with the money?”
He thought for a moment. “Cinema?” Another thing Hyde from a month ago would never have done: suggest going to the cinema alone with Jackie.
“No chick flick, though.” He quickly added. Some things he would absolutely not compromise on. Ever.
She pulled a face. “Fine. I think Jaws 2 is still running…”
She picked up her bag from the floor and started walking toward the door. He reached around her and held it open, following. As the door shut behind them, the thought hit him that he might have something in common with all those idiots who followed her orders after all. It freaked him out a little, so he made sure not to open the door for her when they reached the El Camino. He had never done so before anyway, but he felt like he had to be extra vigilant.
Jackie started rifling through his 8-track tapes as he pulled out of the parking lot.
“Do you have anything in here that’s not angry or depressing? I know you don’t like ABBA, but you could at least have some… I don’t know, some Joni Mitchell. Something we can both listen to without wanting to die.”
“I’ll set the El Camino on fire before I let you play ABBA in here.”
A theatrical sigh and a few clicks later, Cream’s Strange Brew started playing.
“At least they’re not screaming,” Jackie muttered as Hyde drove on, his index fingers drumming on the steering wheel.
“Did you watch the first Jaws?”
“Yeah, with Michael.”
Why did he even ask?
“He was scared of the bathtub for a month after. I don’t know why he and Fez get so freaked out by movies. Haunted houses and stuff are scary because people jump out at you, but movies? Do they think Halloween is a documentary?”
“Wouldn’t surprise me. I mean, deep down, Forman probably thinks Star Wars is real.”
“Now that’s scary. An 18-year-old guy who plays with dolls and watches a trash can rolling around the desert.”
“Didn’t you mention you had Barbies and stuffed animals?”
“Excuse you! Stuffed animals won for me by boyfriends are perfectly acceptable. And Barbies are all about fashion... I did have to throw out most of my stuffed animals, though.”
The last part was added more quietly, and Hyde knew better than to ask why. They came to a red light, and he looked over at her. “So… should we swing by the basement first and see if Forman wants to come?”
She seemed to think about it for a few seconds before shaking her head. “Nah. He’s too much of a sad sack. And I like it when it’s just us anyway.”
God help him, so did he these days.
*****
“Why did we let her pick the game again?” Eric asked. They were in what had become their usual circle, with Jackie sitting on the sofa. They had smoked a while ago and were all in that blissful state between completely high and stark reality. However, Jackie’s choice of entertainment – a round of Mystery Date – was clearly messing with Eric’s buzz.
“Because if we let you choose, we’ll end up listening to country music and crying over photos of Donna at the public pool all night”, Jackie shot back.
“I would do many things with those photos, but crying isn’t one of them”, Fez said, laughing at himself and picking up a card with blue mittens and a scarf on it after rolling the dice. “I’m getting ready for my ski date, oh yes!”
“Your turn, Steven.”
Hyde was reclined in his usual seat, sipping a Coke, and didn’t give any indication that he was about to participate, just like in the last two rounds.
Jackie gave a frustrated sigh. “Fine, I’ll do it for you, but you better be thankful when you end up with the beach date, mister!”
Not long after, Forman ended up with ‘The Dud’, and Fez won by securing the ski date he had dreamed of.
“Such a stupid game. Why is the guy a ‘Dud’ anyway? Because he looks a bit nerdy?”
“I think it’s karma, Eric”, Fez said. “Donna dated you, and now it was your turn to get The Dud.”
He was clearly riding high on both the weed and his recent win, and Jackie had the presence of mind to quickly pack up her game again before Eric could throw a dramatic hissy fit and flip it.
“I’m not a dud! Would a dud spend so much time writing and rewriting the perfect speech and learn the lyrics to— I have to go.”
“No, wait!” Hyde got up and shouted after Eric, who was running up the stairs on all fours. “The lyrics to what? The lyrics to what?!”
Next thing he knew, Fez was halfway jumping and halfway falling over the spool table, scrambling up the stairs himself. “Eric! I can help! I can play the ukulele!”
“I never thought I’d say this, but I miss Leo. This game was way more fun with him. He got really into it and knew surprisingly much about date etiquette.” Jackie had just been stuffing the board game box back into her backpack and quickly looked up at Hyde when she realised what she had just said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t—”
Hyde shrugged. “It’s cool, man. He’ll turn back up eventually. What do you wanna do now?”
She got up and gave him a smile he was quickly starting to recognise. He saw it every time he suggested doing something together rather than trying to get rid of her, like he used to.
“You know what my dream mystery date would be?”
He had a feeling this was a trick question, and he shouldn’t even attempt to answer it. His mind screamed at him that it was probably making out with Kelso on a bed of stuffed unicorns while KC and The Sunshine Band threw rose petals at them or some bullshit.
“Kicking your butt at basketball!”
With that, she dashed out the basement door. Hyde took a couple of seconds to react, then he ran after her and caught up just as she grabbed the basketball lying next to the garage. She was a bit unsteady on her feet, and for a moment, he thought she might fall flat on her ass when she got back up with the ball in her hands.
“You’re taller than me, so you’re not allowed to jump. Only I can jump. Got it?”
They began circling each other, and he really had to work to keep his zen. She seemed genuinely convinced she could get past him. There was no way, even if they weren’t high.
“Don’t think that’s how it works, babe.”
“’Babe’? Aw, Steven. You’re so sweet!”
He had to hand it to her; she really tried to make the most of the moment it took him to realise he actually had just called her ‘babe’. She tried to run past him towards the hoop, but he caught her around the waist and swung her back around.
“That’s cheating!” She lost hold of the ball and scrambled after it when Hyde let go of her again.
“I think foosball is more your thing,” he said with a laugh, getting to the ball before her. He held it high above his head with one hand and was about to chuck it toward the hoop when Jackie started jumping up and down in front of him, trying to reach it. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders to make her stop, causing them both to freeze. The ball fell to the ground and rolled toward the garage, but neither of them even looked at it.
Hyde was suddenly filled with a unique surge of excitement and dread, something he hadn’t felt or thought about in over a year. It felt like a lifetime ago that they had sat on the hood of Jackie’s Lincoln, kissing and both declaring they had felt nothing. He had lied, of course. He was half-certain she had as well at the time. A kiss like that? That didn’t happen between two people who felt nothing. But she had stopped following him around, gotten back with Kelso, and Hyde had been able to get on with his usual routines. He had honestly been glad about it and had shrugged the kiss off in the end. Just a footnote in his life so far. Weird, but by far not the weirdest one.
And now here he was, having spent over a month seeing her nearly every day, listening to her talk about trivial shit (less and less about Kelso, thankfully), complain about his music, giggle like a madwoman during their circles, shit-talk others at foosball…
“Goddammit, Eric! If you don’t stop singing right this second, I will—”
Red’s booming voice echoed from somewhere inside the house, causing them to jump apart. They kept looking at each other, and Hyde was afraid she was about to say something foolish, like accusing him of liking her, and he really didn’t want to deal with that right now.
She didn’t, though. She simply smiled at him and declared, “I would have won.”
And somehow that was even worse, because it made him smile, too.
*****
A week later, Hyde was sure of two things:
- Forman needed to get to California somehow, and it looked like he wasn’t going to make it happen himself, so someone else had to. He had become impossible to be around at this stage.
- This thing with Jackie had become a massive problem for him, and he had to do something about it, one way or another.
He was sitting at The Hub with Fez, who had been talking about Nina, of course, and kept an eye on the entrance. Forman had left a while ago, looking like he had his own personal rain cloud hanging permanently over his head, and Jackie hadn’t been around all day, which was unusual.
“And what do I do if she wants to do it with me?”
“What?” Fez’s question finally made him stop staring at the door like some pathetic idiot.
“I have never done it, Hyde.”
“Really? You never said, man.”
Fez ignored the sarcasm for once. “What if I don’t know how to do it? Is it like in the films?”
Hyde took off his shades, hooked them in the collar of his T-shirt, and pinched his nose. “You’ll know what to do, all right? It’s instinct. And you’ve told the whole town you’re a virgin at this point, so she knows the deal.”
“Kelso said I should—”
“Never go to Kelso for advice on stuff like that.”
He was about to leave it alone, but a quick look at his usually goofy friend showed him that he was genuinely worried about this. He decided to do what he rarely did: skip a chance for a quick jab and take it seriously instead. His own first time had come way too early in his life, and he had nobody to talk to about it before, so he figured he could at least try to be a bit helpful now. Within reason, of course. He wasn’t aiming for sainthood.
Listen, man, it doesn’t matter. Your first time is always going to be the worst anyway, and worrying about it now won’t help when it happens. Just... listen to what she says. Nina sounds like she knows what she likes. Think of it as a learning experience. And you’ll get off no matter what, so if anything, she should be worried.
“But isn’t it nicer if my lady friend ‘gets off’, too?” Fez actually used air quotes, and Hyde was once again torn between making fun of him and giving him a genuine answer when the door to The Hub flew open, and Jackie came marching in. She nodded at a couple of the other students seated at a table in the far corner, then happily waved at Hyde before going to the counter for a soda. She was wearing a flowy beige dress that left her shoulders bare. Her hair was up, leaving the slope of her neck exposed, and Hyde hated himself for even noticing it. How had he been able to ignore things like her shoulders or smiles before? And could he ever go back to that blissful state of being?
When Jackie finally came over to their table, Fez was still going on about Nina, so Hyde, who did not want to discuss this with Jackie around, did the only thing he could think of and asked:
“Where have you been today?” He tried not to cringe at his own question. He did want to know what she had been up to, but he didn’t want to sound too eager either. He was worried he was slowly turning into Forman.
“I went to the mall earlier and met Peter Hughes from your grade. He asked me out for some ice cream.”
Peter Hughes? Hyde had no idea who that was, but Fez clearly did, because he said something about ‘a head of shiny blonde hair’ and other such bullshit. Shiny blonde hair? Ice cream? He sounded like a dillhole. Hyde felt like kicking someone in the shins. Peter Hughes would have been preferable, but he’d settle for Fez if his friend didn’t stop singing the guy’s praises.
“Ooooh, Jackie had a daaate, Jackie and Pet—Ow, Hyde!”
“Sorry, man, just stretching.”
“It wasn’t really a date”, Jackie corrected Fez, but her eyes were trained on Hyde. “It felt like getting ice cream with an older brother… A very dumb older brother who doesn’t even know who David Cassidy is.”
Oh no, now he was starting to like David Hughes, and he hated the guy.
“Anyway, what have you two been up to?”
“Well, Hyde was just telling me I should be a humble servant to my lady friend in the bedroom. Ow!”
“That’s not what I said, asshole. I said you have no experience, so listen to her.”
Jackie was looking between the two of them, and with his shades off, Hyde could see his cheeks flush slightly. That usually happened when Fez talked about sex, which happened a lot, and she wasn’t high, which also happened a lot, though less often than before the summer.
“You’re going to be so much creepier once you actually do it”, Jackie said with a disgusted look on her face.
“Oh yes, I will!”
Fez only stopped talking about ‘doing it’ (“Making love”, Jackie corrected) and ‘how to do it’ (“Not like that!”) when he realised it was time to go to work. There was a bit of an awkward silence between them once Fez was gone, and Hyde hated it. Ever since the basketball incident, it felt like they were in some stand-off. It had taken him a few days to decide what to do about it, and even now he wasn’t 100% sure. After a few more moments of quiet, he decided fuck it and got up. If things went south, he could always zen it out.
“Wanna go for a ride?”
She looked confused at first, but then gave him that special smile again. A few minutes later, Hyde was sitting behind the wheel, cursing the fact that his hands were getting sweaty. He wiped them on his jeans while she put on her seatbelt.
“Where do you want to go? I can’t go to the basement. If I have to see Eric moping around today, I’m going to kill someone. By someone, I mean Eric.”
Starting the car, he asked: “Want to go up the water tower and get high?”
“That doesn’t sound safe.”
He made sure to keep his eyes trained in front of him when he said, “Not gonna let you fall, man.”
He could hear her rummaging around his glove department, where he kept most of his 8-tracks.
“Ok then, I trust you. But your music—”
“Here.” He pulled something out from under his seat. He had put it there, not knowing if he would even give it to her, but in the spirit of fuck it…
He heard her gasp next to him. “Steven! You bought me a Joni Mitchell album for your car. Thank you!”
It had been a tactical decision to wait until he was driving, with his eyes on the road, before giving her the tape. Looking at her would have felt way too intimate.
“I was tired of listening to you whine about the music.” It wasn’t a lie, but it was not the real reason why he had gone out to find the least offensive Joni Mitchell album he could get his hands on. He was trying to tell her something. He wasn’t sure exactly what, but he knew that enjoying spending time with her and wanting to keep her around were part of it.
He could see her staring at him out of the corner of his eyes, and just when he thought he was going to jump out of his skin, he heard the telltale clicks of her putting the tape in.
“Joni Mitchell is as far as I go, though. No Abba and none of your pretty boy pop idols.”
The rest of the drive passed in relative silence, only interrupted by Jackie humming along here and there. Hyde had expected to feel like an idiot – or worse, Forman – when giving her the tape, but instead he felt… good. Like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. The gesture had made her happy, and while he would never turn into the kind of guy who got a chick tons of presents, this had been the perfect solution to one of his most pressing problems. Straight up telling her he wanted her to enjoy her car rides with him and wanted her to hang around even after Kelso came back from California? Impossible. The tape should at least convey part of that message. And the reality of Kelso coming back at some point had been weighing heavily on his mind, too, over the last few weeks. The more he got used to hanging out with Jackie and the less annoying she became to him, the more worried he was about how things would change after the summer. Would she go back to him? She didn’t seem too hung up on him anymore, but that could change once she saw him again. Then again, what if it didn’t? What if this was the big one? What if this was the time Kelso had fucked up so much it had finally opened her eyes? It seemed possible, but how much of that was just wishful thinking on his part?
They never actually made it up the water tower that day. They parked amongst the trees around it, sat on the flatbed of the El Camino, and lit up there, looking up at the slowly darkening sky.
*****
Their first kiss had happened for many reasons, all of them obviously misguided, even then. Their second kiss happened because the whole summer so far had been a complete aberration, bringing them closer together… and because of a stupid Cosmo quiz.
“I can’t believe this! Even Eric got a good one, and he is a depressed beanstalk!”
He was kneeling on the floor in front of the stereo as he checked his records, making sure they were all properly sleeved. Fez had been going through them earlier that day, and he always treated vinyl as if it were Tupperware.
“It’s just a stupid quiz, man. It’s all bullshit.”
“Easy for you to say, Mr. ‘Sexual powerhouse who shows no fear when it comes to exploring sexual avenues’.”
Hyde gave an exaggerated sigh. “What can I say… It’s tough being me.”
She rolled her eyes at him and looked down at the magazine, undoubtedly going over her answers once more.
“‘Which of the 12 psychological kinds of lovers are you?’ my butt. How did this drivel even make it into such a reputable publication?”
Hyde was fixing the inner sleeve of Judas Priest’s Sin After Sin. While he appreciated the vocabulary she tended to use when she wasn’t dumbing herself down around certain people, he really wished she wouldn’t put so much stock in those stupid magazines. When she had marched into the basement a few hours earlier, she had sat down on the sofa next to Eric and told him, “Understanding what kind of lover you are will help you feel confident, win Donna back, and keep her away from guys who are actually foxy.” If Eric had been in better spirits and less desperate, he probably would have realized that she was really trying to make fun of him. When Jackie had asked Hyde to take the test along with them, he had just shrugged and gone along with it. Cosmo quizzes were stupid, but there was nothing better to do, really. If he had known it would end up sending Jackie into a spiral, he would have tossed the magazine into the garbage disposal.
“He was supposed to get The Dud again! The Self-Pleasurer, or whatever they call it here. How did he get The Romantic?!”
“Come on, man, it doesn’t matter what a stupid magazine says. And what’s so bad about…” He snatched the magazine out of her hands and took a moment to find her result. “Needing connection to enjoy sex and being slow to indulge?” When he looked up at her again, her face had turned red, and she grabbed the magazine back.
“It makes me sound tedious! So, what, I can either not enjoy sex or hold out while trying to form a connection until the guy loses all interest in me?”
Hyde gave up on his records, grabbed Jackie by the arm, and led her over to the sofa.
“Is this about Kelso again? You’ve been acting like you’re over him.”
He was thankful for his years of Zen practice. Saying the words stung. Was she still hung up on Kelso or not?
“I’m over Michael. I didn’t think it would happen, but things… changed.”
Interesting.
“I’d rather shave my head than get back together with him, but of course it also has to do with him. He was my first boyfriend and my only... you know.”
Hyde nodded. She had never said it outright, but it was pretty clear.
“As soon as he kissed me for the first time, he started hounding me about making love. I held out for a bit because I didn’t feel ready, but then my teammate Laura said, "If you want to keep a guy around, you have to put out." So, I did, and I didn’t enjoy it much. I never really did. If it’s about having a genuine connection with someone, how am I ever going to find a guy who will wait? What if I make the next guy wait too long, and then he grows tired of me before we even get to the making love stage?”
“Why are you getting so worked up about this? Just because Kelso couldn’t keep it in his pants doesn’t mean every guy is like that. You know that. Look at Forman. If Donna doesn’t take him back, Mr. Romantic is probably going to join a monastery before he ever touches anyone else.”
She shook her head in frustration and tossed the magazine onto the spool table. Then she turned sideways on the sofa so that she could face him better.
Hyde took off his shades. He would have preferred to hide behind them, but he was starting to get worried that this whole quiz debacle was about something more profound that was completely eluding him. Was this the moment where she finally had a complete breakdown because of her shitty relationship with Kelso?
“But what if the guy I like isn’t ‘The Romantic’ or ‘The Judicious’?”
His confusion must have been apparent, because she quickly added:
“The quiz says that’s what I am. Someone who needs to feel connected and safe. That takes time. What if the guy I like wants… more and sooner?”
“Then you tell him to fuck off and kick him in the balls if he doesn’t listen”, he replied decisively.
“But what if the guy I like is… really into sex?”
“Isn’t every guy?”
“Yeah, but what if sex is especially important to this… Dammit, Steven, I mean you! I’m judicious, and you’re adventurous, so how is that going to work?”
She was staring at him with a mixture of frustration and fear on her face, and he was pretty sure he was supposed to say something now.
His ears were suddenly ringing, making it harder to concentrate. In the end, he settled on “You like me?”, which made him sound like some stupid first grader.
“Yes! And what if I keep liking you but don’t put out in time like the other girls you hang out with?”
He had no idea what to say. He liked her, of course; he wouldn’t have willingly spent so much time with her over the summer, getting her a Joni Mitchell album of all things to make sure she liked driving around with him, and generally acting like an idiot at times because he found her so cute and sexy he didn’t know how to act around her anymore without doing something stupid. So yeah, he liked her. A lot. And when he realized he had been quiet for a good while and should probably say something, she averted her eyes and started to get up.
“Forget it, I—”
He quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her back onto the sofa, bringing her closer to him.
“You’re the only girl I hung out with since summer started. I could have fooled around, but I didn’t want to. You didn’t even have to kiss me to keep me around.”
Now it was her turn to look dumbstruck, but she recovered quicker than he had a moment ago. A smile bloomed on her face, and the next thing he knew, she was on her knees next to him, leaning over, hands on his shoulders, and she was kissing him. They both took a shuddering breath, their lips barely touching at first. He was briefly reminded of their first kiss all that time ago, and how it had felt similar at first, but very different at the same time. Back then, he had felt protective of her, like he did all his friends when push came to shove, but he had also found her unbelievably annoying and naïve. Now they were on a completely different playing field, and he felt even this barely there kiss much stronger than any others before. This realisation had the very real potential of freaking him out completely, but then she leaned in closer, her lips pressing more firmly against his, and his brain finally shut off. One of his hands went up to cradle her face while the other went to the nape of her neck. He took control of the kiss, lightly biting her lower lip and coaxing her mouth open. A low sound escaped her at the first touch and glide of their tongues, and Hyde felt like the basement was suddenly on fire.
Later, he wouldn’t be able to say how long they sat there, just kissing, with her holding on to his shoulders and him running his fingers through her hair and caressing her cheeks. He was pretty sure, though, that he hadn’t spent this much time simply kissing a girl – not that there was anything simple about their kiss – in years.
*****