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"H-Hi? I would like to-to report something. I’m in an alleyway and— god, I think this is a dead body.”
“Alright, I need you to stay calm. Can you tell me where you’re at?”
“I’m in, uh, Shibuya. Yeah. B-Behind a pub. It’s HUB.”
“Mhm, does it seem like the body is still breathing?”
“No, he’s… he’s definitely dead.”
“When did you find this body?”
“A few minutes ago. I just-just was walking and I… The dead body was l-lying there.”
“Okay, we’ll send officers your way. Hold tight. Can you stay on the phone for me until they arrive?”
“O-Okay.”
~~~
“Did you get any sleep last night?” Higuruma took a good look at the eye bags that rested under your eyes while you sat across from him in his office. It seemed like you had gotten lost in your own world, but he couldn’t even blame you. He understood that this situation must feel like weights pulling your mental state down if it’s stressing him out this much as well.
After you found the dead body of an elderly man on that cruel night, you were labeled a suspect almost immediately due to the legal system's neglect of care for this man. It seemed as if they wanted to get this case over and done with as quickly as possible, and you just happened to be the victim of their heartless approach. He’s seen this type of situation many times before, since he specializes in defending the falsely accused, but… you captured his heart.
Higuruma would not let you be deemed guilty, no matter what it took.
He broke one of the most well-known rules when it comes to being a lawyer. He did not keep himself emotionally detached from you. Although how could he not? You were such a beautiful person, and along with your looks, your personality was just as attractive to be around, so that even he, himself, began to look forward to just talking to you.
Throughout the weeks of getting to know you and preparing you for the upcoming trial, he found himself lost in your voice. The thought of how your lips would feel upon his kept popping up in his head, and it did annoy him at first; it was such a waste of headspace and highly unprofessional. But time grew longer, and he was too tired to ignore the thoughts plaguing his mind, and before he knew it, he began to indulge in imagining it.
Higuruma knew that he had messed up by breaking this rule and that he should find you a different lawyer just as good as him, but he couldn’t. He was confident that no other lawyer could do as good a job defending you as he could. No other lawyer had the intelligence to capture your true nature as well as he could —or at least that’s what he convinced himself.
So while he had a good reason to suggest another lawyer to you, he had an even better reason to keep you.
“Nope! I couldn’t sleep at all last night.” You reply to him, letting a mask fall onto your face to cover up how drained you really were, but still, Higuruma managed to see through it.
“You should try to get some sleep. These next few days are going to be rough.”
“Let me tell you, I am really trying. I’ve tried melatonin, listening to healing frequencies, or whatever, I’ve even tried the classic counting sheep. Nothing's working!”
“It could be the anxiety keeping you up.”
“Ohh, I’ll just stop that.” You try to joke with Higuruma to lighten the mood despite the looming fact hanging over you that the trial was in a few days. Even so, you thought you completely missed the landing with that joke and had a feeling he wasn’t going to laugh at a lousy joke.
Much to your surprise, he lightly chuckled. “Funny.”
Higuruma didn’t miss the way your drowsy eyes formed crinkly lines at each corner, and the ends of your lips curving up a bit when he chuckled. He couldn’t stop himself from wondering if you’d smile if he told you that he’d fight anything if it meant saving you from harm.
“Anyways. The trial is in the next two days, and I want to go over with you how the trial may be.” He started, “The legal system is tough, I’m sure you’re aware of that by now. You have to remember that they will do anything to catch you off guard.”
“Yeah, I heard about that.”
“The key is to stay consistent in your story, which is…?” He wants you to state your story again to ensure it doesn’t fade from your mind under all this stress.
“I…” Higuruma always hated making you retell your story, but it was important for you to do this, for your sake. “I was walking home on the sidewalk from a late night out with friends, and I smelt something when I walked through the alleyway I usually w-walk through. I looked over at the smell and… and I saw a trash bag. I let curiosity get the best of me, and I opened it, and you know the rest.”
The way your posture immediately became stiff when you started delving into details made Higuruma’s heart hurt. Your tense shoulders didn’t help either. He couldn’t stand it, he needed you to be okay as soon as possible.
“That was good. Now remember, they may bring up questions like why was it you specifically who found the body, and nobody else who passed by. Or why did you choose that alleyway when it makes your walk home even longer than usual?” He reminded you, “But you don’t need to worry too much about those questions. Those are things I can handle for you.”
“Thank you, Higuruma. I’m sure I’m in good hands.” A weak smile was given to him by you as you thanked him. He thought your smile was cute, as always, but he wished to see a strong smile from you anytime you looked at him. He wished that he could see every expression that could be on your face just from him.
Higuruma gave you a nod in response to your appreciation. Oh, how he wanted to give so much more to you, be so much more to you, but for now, he had to hide that part of himself from you while he continued to be your professional lawyer.
“For dress code, I take it that you understand that you must have professional attire on when in the courtroom, yes?” He looked at you expectantly.
“Mhm,” you swiftly nod your head, shoulders relaxing a little bit at the change to the more lightweight topic.
“Good. A cleaner outfit will show respect for the court, which may create a positive first impression on those in the courtroom. Although, seeing with your good sense of style, I believe that this won’t be too difficult a task for you.” He hadn’t realized what he said until it slipped right through his lips. He had developed a habit of letting compliments towards you fall from his mouth during casual conversations. While it wasn’t the brightest idea, he couldn’t bring himself to regret his words.
A small chuckle came from you in reply to his admiration, as you averted your eye contact from his. You twisted the end of your sleeve around your index finger, fidgeting. You were just too pretty, even when doing such a simple action like this. To him, looking at you felt like gazing upon the shiniest star in the night sky.
If this trial failed you, Higuruma would never forgive himself —no, never forgive the court for letting that happen. At this thought, he said your name to get your attention once again.
“You won’t be leaving this trial with handcuffs around your wrists. I can promise you that.”
Every time he said something like this, he knew that it was unlawful to give his client optimism, but he couldn’t resist doing this when each time he saw hope settling in your heart at his words. He seemed to give you hope on many occasions, but this time, with the way he uttered his words, you felt it deep in your gut that he meant every word he said. Your eyes met with his, and the smile on your face was fond, but deep in your eyes was depression that Higuruma longed to get rid of for you.
“I trust you.”
~~~
You could feel your nerves run through your bones from the moment you woke up from your two-hour sleep. Buttoning up your shirt, putting each leg into your pants, and fixing up your appearance, everything you did that morning was filled with dread. You had hope that Higuruma wouldn’t fail you in the trial that was coming up in the next few hours. The tapping of the rain hitting the car roof with every second you got closer to the courthouse in your Uber was tormenting you.
Your shoes felt too tight around your feet. The warm air in the Uber, because the AC didn’t work, was suffocating. Your nails were so short from biting them obsessively that it hurt to pick up things at times. Your hair didn’t want to cooperate with you today, and you could only hope that this wouldn’t ruin the clean appearance that Higuruma told you to have when entering the trial. And on top of all this, you felt sick because you couldn't find it in you to eat anything for the past few days leading up to the trial.
Speaking of Higuruma, your eyes landing upon him when you entered the courthouse oddly brought a sense of comfort. You were confident in his abilities as a lawyer, as many have told you that he is incredibly intelligent, and from spending plenty of time around him, you could confirm this for yourself.
When you approached him, he spoke your name calmly, it being hard to tell if he was being calm to ease your anxiety or because he was simply confident that nothing would go wrong. You hoped it was the latter.
“The trial starts in 5 minutes. Are you ready?” He asks you.
“Uhh… I hope I’m ready.”
“I’m sure you are.”
You don’t mutter a reply to this, instead directing your vision away from him and down to the ground.
“The trial should go smoothly based on all the evidence I have gathered in your support.” He reassures you.
“Are you suree? Can you prove to me that I can trust you?” You lift your hands and give a goofy grin to him, hoping that he will pick up on your joke.
Higuruma just stares at you, confusion written into his gaze.
“Just kidding!” You nervously say when you realize he didn’t get the joke at all. You couldn’t really blame him for not realizing you were joking, since you probably shouldn’t be cracking jokes at all with the current situation you were in.
Higuruma's eyes looked to the side for a second, nodding his head a little since he was unsure of how to think of a response. A few milliseconds passed by with the two of you not making pointless conversation to fill the silence. Eventually, Higuruma began to speak again.
“Well, the trial is starting in a few minutes. I think we should probably start heading inside and taking our seats.” In response to this, you nodded like a robot, letting your mind fall into autopilot. Sensing your nervousness, Higuruma tries to comfort you, “It will be okay, remember what I promised you.”
There was no reply from you to show your gratitude for him, but he was aware that you couldn’t find it in you to think about anything other than the trial. Both of you were required to be in the courtroom by now, so he let his hand fall onto your upper back to gently guide you to the doors. The pressure of this whole trial stressed you out so much that you failed to even process the soothing motions he made with his hand on your back.
The doors were pushed open, the room being illuminated by lights that forced your eyes to uncomfortably adjust to the change in atmosphere. Once your vision was settled, you looked around, only to see what you would consider as too many pairs of eyes to be all on you.
The trial was about to begin.
~~~
“Guilty!”
Any words that came after that went through your ears, but your mind didn’t let you process them, despite how important they may be. Even if it did, the thumping of your heart became too heavy in your ears that it started to block most external sounds.
“What?” You mumble while your eyes scan the whole room around you to process everything. Every sentence that came from anyone else’s mouth seemed gibberish to you as you watched many people get up from their seats and begin to head out.
Thump thump.
Those who were getting up acted as if it were just another Monday for them, when to you, it was your last normal day ever. It was like they knew you were going to be found guilty, whether you were or weren’t. God, you felt sick —more sick than normal. Your body wasn’t regulating your temperature correctly, and it felt as if a brick had hit you in the head.
An officer came up to you to put the cuffs on your wrists to guide you away to your new home. You felt the man lift your limp left hand first, not really focusing too much on that, and instead, your vision studied the room for the man you trusted the most regarding this whole case.
Thump thump.
Higuruma seemed to have more emotion present on his face in comparison to your sickly looking expression. You hadn’t even realized it, but the anxiety that resided in you started making it difficult to take deep breaths, and it felt like a heated blanket had been wrapped around you. His eyes darted around each area of your face, his eyebrows pulled together and up as he examined you. His stare felt like the loudest thing in the room besides your heart beating in your ears.
A good number of people had left the room at this point when Higuruma began to stride back to the desk, grasping a gavel in his hands so tight that his knuckles began to pale. The officer hadn’t even grabbed your right hand to put the second cuff on before they had their attention was pulled towards the banging coming from Higuruma’s seat. The officer was poorly trained, and if you were in your right mind, you would’ve questioned how he even got the role to begin with.
“Everyone, come back.”
Thump thump.
“We’re having a retrial.”
Somehow, those were the only words that you could make out before screams from those who were still in the room rang out, blood splattering on their clothes. You couldn’t even begin to describe the creature that you witnessed behind your lawyer. The pressure from the anxiety weighing on your head made you dizzy, black spots filling your vision as you tried to take a step to follow those running out of the room. You should’ve known that getting little to no sleep and not eating much the days before would’ve had dire effects on your body, combined with the worst fear you had ever felt, because as soon as you tried to take that step, your vision was fully blocked, and you were falling.
You fell fully unconscious before you could even feel the impact from hitting the ground.
~~~
You were only out for a few minutes or so, because when you woke back up, the courtroom was fully empty, yet the smell of blood was still fresh. You tried to gather yourself as you sat up on your knees behind an empty desk. Although, your focus was quickly diverted when you heard the tapping of shoes on the polished floor close by.
In an attempt to regulate your breath, you let yourself lean back against the hard desk, your hands resting against the ground. It’s hard to focus on taking a few breaths when it feels like something is pounding against your skull. Yet, you didn’t let your headache stop you from analyzing what just happened. You had just passed out from stress. You had seen that happen to people in movies, yet you never thought it would happen to you. Perhaps you should consider getting your iron levels checked again.
Your mind begins to clear, and you realize that cuffs aren’t pulling your hands together. There is only a cuff on one of your hands. Where is the officer? Why is the room so quiet? Why is the smell of blood present? You almost didn’t want to lean around the desk and see exactly what was going on, but you had to see if the officer really did just abandon you. It felt like each and every bone in your body was riddled with anxiety as you leaned around the desk, whilst still in a sitting position.
What met your sight made you wish that it were the dreaded officer coming back to lead you to your life in prison. You had hoped that the two dead bodies lying next to Higuruma were props for a haunted house and not the prosecutor and judge. And you couldn’t even begin to describe what that thing behind your lawyer was.
After a few seconds of your stare boring into the back of Higuruma’s head, the thing slowly faded into god knows where, and he slowly strolled over to the two bodies, an unnatural look seething in his eyes. You wouldn’t have been able to find the correct words to describe what Higuruma might be feeling behind those eyes. Nonetheless, you swiftly move behind the desk again and try to breathe as quietly as possible to not alert him. Nothing about anything felt real to you anymore. The lawyer that you had grown to trust had just killed two people with some sort of monster attached to him, seemingly because of your trial.
“I know you’re there.” Apparently, the fear was so loud in your head that you failed to notice the sound of Higuruma moving to stand in front of the desk that you hid behind. Your mouth happened to think quicker and stupider than your brain when you heard him shift from in front of the desk to the side, peering down at you, and you were only able to let one sentence fall from your lips,
“N-No, you don’t.” Your response was probably the worst thing you could’ve said at that moment. Regardless, you knew you had to get out of there.
With no hesitation, you tried to rush from your hiding spot; however, your legs were still weak from your previous tumble from fainting and not fully caught up with your thought process. The best you could do was crawl until you had room to stand up. What a plan that was.
Higuruma was obviously faster than you, reaching down and wrapping his fingers around your ankles before he yanked you backwards. Your hands lost their balance against the floor, causing your chin to collide straight into the ground. You bite back a cry as pain courses through your lower face. You were sure that you were now adding more blood to the courtroom.
Once you’re closer to him, he pulls you into a sitting position on the floor again and pushes your back against the desk as he comes down to your level and places his hands on your shoulders. The same hands that had specks of dried blood on them.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He tries to wipe away the blood on your chin as he speaks, but you squirm at the pain in response, to which he mumbles another apology to you.
You stared at him in shock, waiting for him to give you a final blow, just like what you assumed he did to the two dead bodies in their room. Their blood was contaminating the surrounding air, adding to your fear. You’d think in your last moments, you’d close your eyes or look away in terror, just like how people do in thriller movies. But no. You couldn’t take your dread-filled eyes off the killer, and he seemed like he couldn’t either. The two of you stared at each other for seconds that felt like hours. His stare was laced with thought, while yours was invested with anticipation.
“Please don’t—” You begin to speak, but you are abruptly cut off by Higuruma’s voice speaking at the same time.
“We should get out— Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you. Go on.”
You didn’t know if you should continue with what you were saying after he politely apologized to you for interrupting. You decide to open your mouth, not without your bottom lip quivering a bit, “Please don’t kill me!”
“Kill you?!” Higuruma’s eyes widened, and the tone of his voice made it seem like he was genuinely appalled at the thought of murdering you. “I’m not going to kill you. I couldn’t live with myself if I did that to you.”
“You’re not…?”
“No. Of course not.” He lets out a sigh after saying this, subconsciously rubbing one of his thumbs on your shoulder in a soothing motion, yet it was very hard for you to find anything about him comforting at the moment. “I’m just… I’m just going to take you to my place. Then we’ll figure out where to go from there.”
“You’re going to take me to your place?!” It was your turn to be baffled. He could easily kill you with his monster, especially since you’re now a witness to his crime, however, he’s choosing not to. “A-And what do you mean by ‘we’ll?!’ I didn’t commit the crime!”
Higuruma was already stressed enough, and your responses were not helping—still, he understood your perspective. “Yes. You are coming with me to my house. And I’m aware that you didn’t commit the crime, but I still want you to come with me. I can keep you safe.”
“No! I’m not going to your house! That is— This is insane! You’re crazy to think that I’ll go on the run with you, Higuruma!”
“Hiromi.”
“What?”
“Call me Hiromi from now on.” You were about to blurt out more words, but he beat you to that. “You need to understand that I’m doing this for you. I… care about you, and if you're with me, I can protect you.”
He pets your head a little bit, in his own weird and awkward attempt to calm you down. Almost as if a lover would. You want to pull your head back, but unfortunately for you, the desk you’re against is preventing you from doing that.
“Stop that!” You blurt out after a few more seconds of the awkward head petting.
“Stop this?” He removes his hand from your head, tilting his head ever so slightly to the side.
“Yes, that… Why are you doing that?” You don’t know why this question is the first thing that comes out of your mouth instead of any other thing about the apparent elephant in the room.
“Oh. I thought I was being comforting.” His eyes bore into yours, unintentionally giving you no sense of comfort, “but maybe I was being selfish instead, actually.”
“Selfish?”
“Yes. Selfish because on one hand I was doing my best to calm you…” Higuruma’s gaze finally drifts from yours as he continues to speak, “but on the other hand, I was indulging in being able to touch you. Feel you.”
It clicks. You get why he hasn’t killed you just from that statement alone. He hasn’t killed you, nor will he kill you, because his feelings go further than just simply caring for you like he previously stated. It’s something so deep that it would lead him to kill for you, and so complex that it makes him want to have you in his care. This realization that fell upon you only added much more concern in your body. Your vision darts around, looking for something, anything that can help you, not even bothering to hide your panic from him. Of course, he caught onto this, quickly arriving at the correct conclusion.
“There’s nothing in here to help you. And I don’t want to hurt you, but I also don’t want this process to be more troublesome than it has to be.”
“This is crazy! Oh my god! I-I’m not— I can't come with you! You can’t make me do this, Higuruma! No!” You began to blabber on and on about how you don’t want to go with him, and he can’t do this. To him, your words just start to blend together.
He just stares at you as you blurt out every thought that forms in your mind at the moment, panic seemingly controlling the logic in your brain. Eventually, he brings up his fingers to the bridge of his nose, exhaling as you continue.
“Please stop being difficult.”
“What?! No! No! I've got to get out!” You exclaim as you finally decide to take action and try to push him away from you, to no avail.
“... Fine. But, I didn’t want it to be this way.” He mutters to you while you keep shoving his chest, doing everything in your power to push him. In response, he slowly raises his arm to the side of you, his hand now making a fist. “I’m sorry. I’ll try not to hit your face.”
“What?! Wait, wait! No, Higuruma! Plea—” His fist comes crashing down into the side of your head, managing to avoid your face, with force that you’ve never had the displeasure of feeling until now. And god, did it hurt.
Your vision was blurring, and you felt two large hands rest against your head and shoulder. Your body was involuntarily starting to fall to the side, on the track to landing against the ground, if it wasn’t for Higuruma holding you up. He was so gentle in comparison to the nasty punch that he gave you on the side of your head. The same punch that made darkness creep up in your vision as you lost consciousness.
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