Chapter Text
Sometimes, when the flashing of the paparazzi’s cameras got so bright it was blinding, or when the cheering of the adoring fans she wished she could love back became deafening, Jinx would dream of the time before.
Before she had gotten her breakout role at fourteen as the co-star of a popular Warner Brothers sitcom, cementing herself as a prominent Hollywood figure. Before she’d begun taking random background and side-character roles on various TV shows and movies she could not even remember performing in if she tried. Before Silco had adopted her. Before Vi hated her. Before she had killed ¾ of her family. Before her mom and dad died.
And, of course, the most tantalizing: before she was born.
With every role, every paycheck, every gala and red carpet event, every party, and every award she was nominated for (but never won), Jinx found herself being thrust higher and higher into stardom.
It was a dream come true for her younger self, who would spend hours memorizing movie monologues, and acting them out in the mirror until she believed she had delivered a convincing performance. Who had begged Vander to spend their meager earnings on an acting class at her local community center, and had forced her whole family to come watch. The girl who spent far too much time sitting in the middle of the grocery store magazine section, reading all the celebrity interviews and daydreaming what she would say if she were posed the same question.
Truly, Jinx had gotten all she had ever wanted—which was something that she knew better than most was not something afforded to many. She should have been over the moon, grateful for every opportunity she was blessed with.
It was by no means that Jinx didn’t want to. Her inability to experience that outlook had her feeling like an ungrateful, spoiled brat.
She wished that the hollow feeling in her chest would one day be fulfilled if she just willed it to. That, maybe, one morning she would wake up feeling the satisfaction that a person in her position was supposed to feel. The sensation that the industry—and Silco—had been promising Jinx her whole life.
Often, she considered quitting acting. By no means did Jinx need the money, she honestly had more of it than she knew what to do with. The thing was however, she didn’t actually know who she was outside of being a performer. It had been her identity since she could toddle, something that had only been further cemented when she had started gaining accolades for it. So much of her childhood was spent in the industry, working her ass off to impress the audition directors, feeling the failure of every no, and the high of every yes. At this point, acting was all she had left, the only thing keeping her from falling off the deep end.
Not to mention the people she would be disappointing if she took a step back. Silco, her father and manager, would lose his income, and her fans who had invested so much time into her would hate her. To stop now when she had come so far was selfish.
Jinx had made her bed. She had no choice but to lie in it.
So, whenever Silco had come to her, informing her she had an audition, Jinx prepared as diligently as she could. If she got the role, she showed up to work, threw herself into her performance, and showed up to the red carpet events and promotional tours as requested. Rain or snow, in sickness and in health.
Her newest gig was no different.
It was a good role, don’t get her wrong. She had been signed on to play the lead in a new Paramount produced dramedy. It had already been greenlit for two seasons, which was not usual. Clearly the company expected the series to be a massive hit. She’d received the beta script for the entire first season, and the tentative final script for the pilot, and it certainly seemed good enough.
Jinx arrived at the studio in her bodyguard Sevika’s old beat-up Honda Civic. Ever since a crazy fan had recognized her on the road and had nearly killed them both trying to get Jinx to pull over, she had started going places in less flashy cars so as to remain less conspicuous. When the building’s security let her in, Jinx pulled down the hood of her oversized jacket—another technique to stay hidden that she had implemented for similar reasons. She squinted; without the hood’s shadow cast over her face, the world suddenly became painfully bright.
A member of staff Jinx didn’t bother to learn the name of led her up a flight of stairs. Some crew members gawked at her as she passed by. She attempted to give some of them a pleasant smile, but they were quick to avert their gazes when she turned to look at them, so she stopped trying. Sevika stood protectively by her side, which made her feel a bit better, but it did nothing to ease the self-consciousness that always occurred when so many eyes were on her. She wasn’t sure she would ever be used to the feeling.
It always made her hyper-aware of every inch of her body. Her posture and demeanour, the way she walked, and the expressions she made. If she was breathing normally. The way her legs rubbed together, and arms appeared widened when pressed against her side. Every blemish, colour, shape, and fold.
She wanted to curl into a ball, but forced herself to stand tall. Any sign of weakness, any show that something was off had a chance of making its way into a blind item; not a single thing was off limits in the gossip mill. Especially so since Jinx had turned eighteen last year.
The staff member showed her to her dressing room, and she declined his offer to bring her a beverage. Jinx desperately needed space.
“I’ll stand guard outside. I’ll let you know when someone needs you,” Sevika said, clearly aware of how Jinx was feeling.
“Sounds good,” she responded, nodding appreciatively.
It was with vigour that Jinx slammed the door shut, relievedly sliding down to the floor. She stayed there for a moment, soaking in the peace. Finally, she could breathe again.
When it was that Jinx had started liking quiet was unclear. She certainly hadn’t been that way before, needing constant chaos and thrill to feel alive. It wasn’t that that was no longer the case, she supposed, but rather that living was becoming exhausting.
She lazily scanned the room, taking in the vanity, the empty rack that would soon be filled with costumes. There was also a door that looked like it must be a closet, but Jinx doubted it would get used. The walls were an ugly, dusty shade of pink; the kind that only a grandma could find appealing. In the far corner was a big brown chair which Sevika would sit in, scrolling her phone whilst Jinx got her makeup and hair done. To the right of it was a small side table with a succulent on top.
The space was fairly empty otherwise, which was pretty standard. It would be on Jinx to fill it with her own finishing touches if she wished to. In her early years she had been so excited to do so, plastering her dressing rooms with posters and trinkets, and graffitiing her name and tag wherever she thought no one would notice. It made her feel like she was leaving an impact.
Jinx had stopped caring when she grew old enough to realize the decorations all ended up in the trash, and the graffiti painted over.
Supposing that she had spent long enough on the floor, she sighed, standing up and moving towards the vanity. Jinx hunched a bit to look at herself in the mirror. She looked sickly; her skin deadly pale, lips chapped and bitten raw, eyes dullened and hollow with bags so deep it seemed she’d never had a lick of sleep in her life.
Morning Jinx had been stupid not to pack makeup. She wondered if Sevika would go get her some if she asked very nicely.
The closet door screeched open, and Jinx almost jumped out of her skin.
“Holy f—!”
A kid with scruffy brown hair and wide amber eyes peaked her head out, looking rightfully sheepish.
“Janna, kid, you scared me,” Jinx tried to keep her voice calm, but it proved difficult when her heart was still running beyond its usual rhythm. “The hell are you doing in here!?”
She got nothing in response. Not even eye contact.
Jinx screamed internally. “Do you have a parent here or something?”
The little girl nodded, eyes still pinned to the ground.
“You know I’m not, like, Medusa or something, right? Looking at me won’t turn ya to stone.” Finally, the kid made eye contact. It was shaky, but it was something. “See, you’re still flesh and bone,” she tried to joke, but the kid didn’t seem to find it funny. Tough crowd. “Now, if you’re not gonna talk, can I at least bring you back to your parent? You’re seriously not supposed to be here.”
Another nod.
“‘Kay, lead the way,” Jinx said, swinging the door open.
Seeing a random child running out the door, Sevika shot Jinx a confused look. Knowing just about as much as her bodyguard, all she could do was give a shrug in return.
The two followed the kid down the hallway, ultimately being led to what appeared to be the bones of what was soon to be the set. The girl looked around anxiously, but there was no one in sight.
When she started checking corners that couldn’t possibly fit a grown adult, Jinx decided it was time to re-direct the search. “Whoever you’re looking for, I don’t think they’re here. Is there anywhere else we can look?”
The child shook her head frantically, seeming on the verge of tears. Jinx panicked; she wasn’t good at comforting people, never mind dealing with children. She looked to Sevika, hoping the woman would have something helpful to say. It seemed she did not, as she just stood there looking equally unsure.
“Isha! There you are, I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” a disgruntled-looking woman with deep brown hair and almond eyes screeched, bursting in through an entryway Jinx hadn’t noticed prior.
She looked up at Jinx with wide eyes, cheeks flushing as she seemingly put the pieces together on what just happened. “I am so, so sorry,” the woman apologized incessantly.
Jinx, who was just pleased for this mess to be over, and desperately wanted to return to her dressing room, tried to calm her down. She put on a re-assuring smile. “Nah, don’t sweat it. It’s really not a big deal.”
“Are you sure? She didn’t cause you any trouble, did she?”
Only a small heart attack. “None at all. I swear.”
“I really don’t want to get off on the wrong foot here… this is Isha’s first big role. I wouldn’t want it over before it even began.”
Oh, so the kid was an actor. She looked so innocent and saccharine, it put a lump in Jinx’s throat.
“Look, I really gotta go. I swear this won’t affect your daughter’s career. Just… keep a better eye on her, and we’re good, okay?”
“If you’re sure…”
“Positive!” The words came out too tersely, so she added: “bye, Isha, it was nice meeting you. See you during rehearsal.”
Lacking the patience to wait for a response, she spun on her heels, making her way back from whence she came.
“Was that kid… in your dressing room?” Sevika asked when they were out of earshot.
“Yeah, in my fucking closet of all places,” Jinx grumbled.
Sevika snorted at her response, much to Jinx’s chagrin. She rolled her eyes, giving her a good-natured smack, which only made the woman laugh louder.
“Aren’tcha supposed to be sucking up to me so you don’t get fired?”
“You wouldn’t fire me.” She sounded awfully assured on the matter.
She wasn’t wrong. Sevika was practically her de facto parent at this point. It was annoying how much she knew it, though.
Jinx arched a brow. “Oh yeah? Wanna test that theory?”
Sevika smirked. “Been doin’ so since day one. Hasn’t failed me yet.”
“Whatever,” Jinx rolled her eyes as they turned the corner that led to her dressing room.
“Watch ou–!” Sevika yelled, but it was too late.
Jinx smacked right into someone. Her bodyguard was quick to pull her away, just in case.
“Are you okay?” She asked.
“Yeah,” Jinx groaned, feeling somewhat disorientated. She dusted herself off after letting Sevika pull her to her feet.
“I am so sorry,” the man began to say, stopping abruptly as his eyes widened. He looked as though he’d seen a ghost.
In a way, she supposed he had.
White hair, dark brown skin, cool brown eyes… he was older now, but she would recognize him anywhere.
“Ekko,” the words fell from her throat before she could think. “Wha–what are you doing here?”
“I… uh… pretty much the same reason as you, I’m guessing,” Ekko pulled himself off the floor, rubbing his shoulder. She was too dazed to ask if he was alright. “I’m playing Baxter.”
The lead's love interest.
Shit.