Chapter Text
Days went by ever since Lo'ak had tried to take his own life and he felt his sisters eyes on him since then.
Kiri sat some nights awake ,just watching him,replaying that night.
She never had felt that kind of scared as when she saw the gun next to him that night .
And now she saw him fading away even more,he faded away everyday and she didn't know what to do,how to help him or even how to talk to him without bringing the attempt up but it was everything that was on her mind.
And now she stared at him ,praying to eywa to give her her brother back after she already took her other ,to let him life ,to let him blossom again.
Kiri feared if she looked away her little brother would find something to end his life with.Even after he promised that night he wouldn't try again.
Both knew that Lo'ak was always one to break his promises when he thought it would benefit others if he did.
And he definitely thought that ending his life would benefit their family.
On a Thursday night Lo'ak woke up as tuk ,kicked him straight in his stomach.
Tuk had always laid between him and Neteyam but since he was no longer there to hug Tuk and comfort her at night.She found her way into Lo'ak's arms.
Tuk hadn't slept very good ever since Neteyam's death and every night Lo'ak was there to comfort her ,he always felt her tears against his chest and that broke his heart.Or what he felt was left of the shatters of it.
That particular night Tuk woke many times probably because the day marked neteyam's death day.Two months went by since he wasn't there to comfort her anymore and Lo'ak wasn't one to forget about that day.Not since Jake blamed him for his brothers death.Lo'ak always felt that way,that it was his fault and not the one who shot Neteyam.
His fault Only his Only ever HIS
HISFAULTHISFAULTHISFAULTHISFAULTHISFAULT
No Lo'ak wasn't one to forget about something like that,but he wasn't sure he felt anything anymore.
The only thing he felt was an empty black hole right there where his heart should be.
It felt like he sat in a grave himself,except he wasn't dead but alive while he was getting buried.
Because the night Neteyam died ,Lo'ak also did
But only one of them ever got buried
So when Tuk kicked him he wasn't mad ,because it didn't hurt.He just hugged her as her sobs started and he started singing his brothers song.He knew it in and out.
Neytiri wasn't the only one singing her vocal cords raw ,it was also Lo'ak.He sung his brothers song every night and every day for his sister.
He couldn't remember when he started doing it but he did it anyways and it was the only thing that made Tuk sleep at night.
He didn't know if his parents knew that he knew every single line of Neteyam's song like his own.But he guessed that it wouldn't matter to them ,that he still be the son that "didn't care" and the son that "was at fault "
As he sung his Brother Song to Tuk ,his other sister was watching him,hearing his voice that was as fine as silk.She had never heard her Brother sing,not Every but this night was no different to Tuk and him .It was only different to Kiri.
She closed her eyes ,her ears Pinned back as she listen to her brothers voice,slowly she herself fell asleep to his voice ,as did Tuk.Now Lo'ak was the only one awake ,as he was most nights.He had always had problems falling asleep but they were never this bad.It didn't matter wha he did ,the most sleep he's got in the last two months was four hours sleep a night.
No one noticed of course ,they were all still grieving,trying to survive themselves without drowning in their grief .
He laid there with Tuk in his arms ,still singing Neteyam's song because that was the only thing that kept him busy.
Tuk shifted through the rest of the night,Lo'ak's voice grew even quieter throughout.
When the sun finally rose ,Tuk already rolled over to Neteyam's bed.The one that was now unused.The one his mother laid in the first weeks after his death.The one where he still grasped for his brothers arm but he found none to catch.
Because he was dead .Because he killed him.Because he was the cause for neteyam being shot.Because he was the one responsible for taking him with him back on the ship.
He quietly left the marui
He found himself wondering off by the beach,his tail flicking around while Lo'ak resisted to go in the water and surch for Payakan in the depths of the ocean.If he could he'd surch every inch of the ocean for him and would wonder through pandora to find him.He would betray every clan and every rule for his soul brother.His only brother.
But he didn't because he promised,he promised Payakan.Because both knew what would happen even if Lo'ak didn't want it to be real.Loak remembered that day ,he remembered the conversation between him and his soul brother
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The day before the council meeting was taking place ,Lo'ak and Payakan were swimming together,like usual.But that day something was different,Payakan was quite,so was Lo'ak both knew something would happen,even if Lo'ak couldn't say what,he had felt it.It was like when Neteyam died,he had tha same feeling.
Like he was shot in the stomach and the gun weight tons .Like he had eaten rocks that now dragged him down to the pits of the ocean.
So when both only floated in the ocean,Lo'ak finally asked
"Will you leave ?" He signed
"They will probably outcast me again, Maybe worst.Brother"
At that Lo'ak's eyes widened and rage began running in every vein
"They cannot ,you saved us !You saved them.How could they do something like that.Again!"
"I am at fault.They see me as a killer ,I'm born to be an outcast.Maybe that is eywas will."
If Tulkuns could shrug ,he was sure Payakan would have.
"Then eywas will is wrong!" Lo'ak shouted ,tears welling up his eyes
"I know.I know how much pain your in brother.I see you.I see the pain .But eywa has a path for us .I know she disappointed you in the last months but don't deny her ways.One day we'll be with her and she'll take care,give us hope and happiness.At last it is eywas say.She'll guide you through the pain."
At those words the tears fell from Lo'ak's face,he broke into sobs that sounded like he might choke on them.The young Tulkun tugged the young Na'vi over his fin.
He let Lo'ak cry until there were no tears anymore.Through the whole time Payakan gave his whale song.
When Lo’ak’s sobs stopped his soul brother started talking again
“If I get outcasted again ,you must promise me not to go looking for me.If they banish me out of these waters.You shall put your life before mine.You shall not go surching for me.I don’t want you to be in danger.I know that one day we’ll meet again,even if it is in a hundred years .We will find each other again.If I must leave just know I’m in your heart and shall forever be here.It is at last eywas way.”
Through the Tulkun had no voice Lo’ak felt the break in it.
Maybe it was only his heart he had heard shatter into millions of pieces because not only did eywa take his older brother but now would be taking his soul brother,even if he was still alive that might have been an even worst fate.Being forced to live alone as an outcast with no family,no friends.Being first away from your soul brother.
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