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Of course Soap knew it when he moved to England. Of course he knew that there was a chance of running into him. To be honest, he still didn’t expect it. It had been years since he moved in with his family. His kids were getting older, his two oldest in university now. After the divorce, he moved to a house a bit further into London, but still not in the immediate city.
He got his youngest every weekend since his ex-wife’s house was closer to the high school.
During the week, John just did whatever the day called for. One dark Tuesday, it called for groceries. As he walked through the busy London streets, he heard a voice that he hadn’t heard in a long time.
“Johnny?”
…
Ghost figured he should get out of the house. He needed to clean, eat, fix things, but he didn’t want to do any of it. He figured getting outside might set him right. He used to be the best at discipline, being able to make himself do whatever needed to be done. Now, he couldn’t even get himself to finish doing the dishes or a load of laundry. He was absolutely disgusted with the man he’d become, and yet saw no way out of it. He took whatever medicine his therapist made him take, never feeling much of a difference.
When he went out to do something, at least he could go to bed without feeling like he did absolutely nothing.
He pulled on his black n-95 mask, he always wore one out to hide his face without getting too noticed. He wasn’t the same legendary “Ghost” he’d once been. He felt like a disgrace to the title. Now he was just Simon Riley.
He walked through the chilly London streets, not going anywhere in particular. He could feel it becoming winter, the time when his apartment was cold and the seasonal depression kept him miserable in bed. As he walked, he tried to enjoy the feeling of the late autumn air, but as he lifted his head for a deep breath, he spotted a face he hadn’t seen in ages.
“Johnny?”
Time froze as Soap turned around, recognizing his gruff voice instantly.
“Si…?” Soap breathed out, spotting him. People walked around them in a blur. “It… it’s been a long time.” He grinned.
“It has.” Simon responded. “Do you have time to talk?”
“Yeah, of course I do.” John said, walking and giving a tight hug to his old friend.
They walked together in silence to a nearby park. Where easy conversation used to flow, there was now awkward silence. Soap wasn’t used to this feeling. There were a million things to say, yet nothing they could even begin to talk about. They took a seat on the bench, Ghost gritting his teeth as his knee clicked uncomfortably. They gazed across the grassy park, the loud, bustling city’s noise still audible behind the orange trees.
“What did you do after the war?” Simon swallowed.
“Moved back to Scotland… acclimated a bit. Pretty standard, you?”
“I moved here. It was rough. Almost killed myself, had to spend some time in an institution. Same thing happened for 2 years until my therapist could figure out that it was seasonal depression on top of regular depression. Wish she could have before I tried to, but at least I made it.” Soap was horrified.
“You tried to kill yourself?”
“Yeah. I had some antidepressants and they weren’t working. I was 30 and didn’t want to do it anymore. My neighbor came in when she heard me retching and sobbing. Was on an IV at the hospital for a while, then went back to the ward. After I got my meds changed and started taking vitamin D supplements, life got better. Found my hobby in tattooing. I’ve did that for a while.”
“Ghost-“
“Don’t.” Simon said. “Call me that. Don’t.”
“Simon,” Soap began hesitantly. “Why didn’t you reach out?”
“You were doing your own thing.” He shrugged. That didn’t sit well with Soap.
“I would’ve been more devastated to learn you’d committed suicide.” Soap said.
“I was young.” Simon said simply. “I got it fixed.”
“So… tattoos.” Soap said after an uncomfortably long pause.
“Tattoos.” Simon agreed. “I did that for a long time, then it started to get less fun. I work at a grocery market now and volunteer at the animal shelter on the days that I’m off.” “Wow.” Soap remarked softly.
“Enough about me, What about you?” He asked, spotting the lighter band of skin around his ring finger on his left hand. “Married?”
“Oh yeah. I was. She was lovely, but it didn’t work out.” He sighed. “Met her in a pub in Scotland, dated, married, had 3 kids. Moved just outside of town a while ago for the schools. After my first left for college we had a talk about divorce. We knew it’d be hard but we just couldn’t do it anymore. I moved closer here, my two oldest are in college now, my youngest is still in high school, though she says she- he wishes. Sorry, he came out recently. He says he likes it better hanging out with me. After the war I worked as a dog trainer. That was great. My ex-wife is a physician, so she was the main breadwinner. I became a stay at home dad once we had our kids. Now I DoorDash if I need some extra cash.”
“I’m happy for you.” Simon said. “That’s what I should say.” Simon’s fists clenched. “Right Johnny? I’m not. I hoped you were sad. Angry. Lonely. Absolutely fucking miserable. Every second for the rest of your life.” Simon said, hoping his glasses wouldn’t fog up. John felt his throat tighten, his eyes swimming and his lip trembling. “Just like me. Aren’t I disgusting? Is this the man you were so happy to see again?” John’s hand shot out, reaching for Simon. One hand held his cheek before he could even turn his head, and suddenly, John was on him, kissing him through the mask, his hands shaking against Simon’s jaw. “I was!” He exclaimed, crying gently. Tears poured out before Simon could even help it as John kissed his chin, his lips, his cheek through the mask. “I was miserable, look at me..” He said between kisses. “I’m sorry, I should’ve said something sooner. I’m so sorry, Simon.” He hugged Simon tight, burying his face into his shoulder.
“I’m so sorry… Please Simon.” He was sobbing harder now. “Please forgive me… I’m so sorry… please, Simon…” John begged, feeling the other man sob hard into his shirt. “Please, Simon… I’m so sorry… So sorry….”
“Don’t be, Johnny.” Simon sobbed. “This is my fault.” His fault. His fault that he had been so closed off, so avoidant. It was his fault that John moved away from him. It was his fault for making himself practically unreachable by him. And suddenly, he was back in the bathroom at 32 years old, swirling the bottle of pills in his hand. He didn’t want to live in a world without Johnny. He didn’t want to live where John wasn’t right by him. He swallowed as big of a mouthful as he could, repeating until the bottle was empty. He sat on the floor, sobbing.
Funny how the two moments connected. He had dreamed of this day, everything he would say, everything he would do. He had gone completely off his own script. But as he was lost in feelings that had never been fixed, he felt another kiss against his mask. “It’s not your fault.” John promised. “Never your fault.” Simon was the first to feel the trickle of rain. Slowly, a curtain of heavy droplets descended upon them, and Simon pulled his mask off. Scratchy hair adorned his chin, his hair getting long now as well.
“There you are.” John said affectionately, kissing him on the lips. Simon struggled with it. He barely remembered how to articulate a kiss, but John led the way. With John leading the way, it was easy to fall behind, sighing softly as John took him apart with his lips. He missed the feel of his body so much that his chest ached.
He felt boneless, it was easy to lose everything when John MacTavish had his tongue halfway down his throat. His mouth was hot, and the rain was terribly cold, he leaned into the heat of the other man, pulling him infinitely closer. The rain rushed down harder, catching them in a downpour.
“Want to grab a coffee?” John pulled away, asking. Simon nodded, getting up and walking with the other man. John didn’t let go of his hand. He needed a point of contact, proof that Simon was still following.
They rushed to find cover, ducking into a small coffee shop that Simon liked.
The barista made small talk as she took Simon’s order. Then, without flaw, he repeated John’s exact coffee order, just the way he liked it.
Once the drinks were ready, they found seats at the barstools by the window. John sipped his coffee, sighing. The warmth ran through his whole body like a rush of life.
“You remembered.” He smiled at Simon.
“Of course.” Simon shrugged like it wasn’t impressive.
“What do we do now?” John asked.
“I don’t know. I’m a bit inexperienced on the dating front.”
“I’m rusty too.” John chuckled. His smile lit up Simon’s world. He got how this feeling felt. He’d really began to enjoy reading, and never could exactly place how “falling in love” felt. He never realized that he had felt it before. He had thought it a bit sappy before, not realizing that it felt like life again. And as the feeling finally returned, he wasn’t reluctant to admit that he was falling back in love.
“Maybe we don’t date, not traditionally. We’ve never been good at traditionally. Maybe we just… do it our way.” Simon proposed. “Now that you’re here… I don’t ever want you to go again. The thought of losing you again…” Simon began getting lost in his own thoughts. “It… I-“
“Hey,” John took his hand, kissing his knuckles gently. “I’m right here.” Simon nodded. Johnny was right there.
When they began to shiver, they ran back to Ghost’s flat through the chilly autumn rain. As they stepped up the stairs, shivering, Simon turned to him.
“It’s messy.” He warned. “I’m really sorry. I’ve been meaning to clean it up.”
“Don’t worry about it.” John chattered. Simon fumbled with his keys, pressing the right one into the door at last and opening it. They rushed inside, the idea of a warm shower too good to resist.
Inside looked like a proper depression room. There was laundry on the floor and dishes piling up in the sink, books on the coffee table and some tissues living beside the trash can. “This looks awful, I’m sorry-“
“It’s alright. I promise.” John smiled. They walked to the bathroom, their pace quick as they tried to escape the cold. “As much as I wish we could stand in this forever, it gets cold fast.” Simon said. John nodded, stripping his flannel shirt and the vest he had over it.
The two men stripped and stepped into the shower, sighing at the warm water. John laid his head against Simon’s broad, scarred chest, humming gently. He moved to wash up, then turned with a handful of shampoo, and massaged it through Simon’s hair. The other man practically moaned in pleasure, he hadn’t been touched with this sort of tenderness in a long time. After washing up, the two dried off, and Simon pulled out clothes for both of them. Soap inhaled deeply, smelling the scent of Simon. He missed it so, so much. As they walked out of the bathroom, Simon stopped him beside his bed, kissing him with hesitant lips. John pressed further, trying to learn Simon’s mouth with his own.
He pushed Simon back into the wall, tongue tracing through the inside of his mouth, trying to feel everywhere. Simon moaned against his lips softly, his pants beginning to tent. John reached down to palm him through his blue flannel pajama pants. Simon whined into his mouth, legs trembling. John moved to suck at his neck with a fire in his eyes that he hadn’t had in years. Slowly, he sank to his knee, pushing Simon’s shirt up to kiss his waistline.
He pulled Simon’s cock out of his pajama pants noticing the beads of precum dripping already. He kissed Simon’s trembling thighs, moving to give attention to his balls, licking over each one and pulling them into his mouth. When he pulled away, he noticed how much more precum was building.
“Been a long time, hm?” John purred, laying his head against his thighs. Simon nodded, biting his lip. John wrapped his hand around Simon’s cock, licking the head gently. Slowly, he began going down on him, bobbing his head further each time. Simon was moaning loudly now, gripping John’s hair in his fist. It had been so long since anyone had touched him like this…
Suddenly, he took him down all the way, the head of his cock hitting the back of John’s throat as he pressed his nose into the light curls around the base.
“Johnny!” Simon exclaimed, his hips thrusting abruptly. He expected John to pull away, to stop his hips, but he didn’t, humming as Simon fucked his face.
“Johnny… mmh… need’ta-“ instead of pulling away, John quickened his pace until Simon was spilling down his throat, crying out in pleasure.
It was the best orgasm he’d ever had, he felt dazed once he was done. Suddenly John was kissing him, the taste of his own release being pushed into his mouth. Simon moaned softly, kneeling to return the favor.
“I don’t have much experience.” He warned.
“It’s okay.” John said, gazing down at him. “I’ll help you through it.” John’s caring tone gave him a burst of motivation as he wrapped his hand around the base of John’s cock.
“Good, now take the tip into your mouth, make sure not to use teeth.” Simon obeyed, adjusting to the feeling of a cock in his mouth.
He’d done this once in a pub bathroom, but not since.
“Good, Simon.” John sighed gently. “Now start bobbing your head slowly. Simon obeyed, careful that his teeth didn’t touch him.
“Good, just keep doing that. When you’re ready you can suck.” Eager to please, Simon did it immediately, reveling in the moans that John let out. Suddenly, he tried to take him all the way, just as John had, but he gagged hard, being forced to pull off, coughing.
“Simon!” John exclaimed. “Don’t do that, not yet.” He said, stroking the tears from his cheek with the pad of his thumb. He must’ve shed them after he gagged so hard.
“Sorry.”
“It’s alright, Si. Don’t worry about doing everything. Just focus on what you can do.” Simon nodded, sighing softly. After a bit of breathing, he got right back into it. John was feeling good, until Simon’s jaw twitched.
“Ah- teeth!” He hissed, pulling out.
Simon sat back on his heels, rubbing his face.
“I’m sorry, I’m shit at this-“
“Si, it’s alright, really. Normal mistakes, I promise.” John said quietly, running his fingers through Simon’s hair. “It’s alright. Just slow down. You’re doing perfectly, Si, feels so good.” The praise went straight to his face, his cheeks turning pink as he nodded, taking the tip back into his mouth slowly. After a bit of hesitancy, he established his rhythm, listening to all of John’s pleased moans.
“Simon… gonna cum…” Simon didn’t let go, determined to finish him. With one small hum, John came in his mouth. Simon tried to swallow it all, some escaping and dribbling down his chin.
John leaned against the wall, smiling. Simon stood back up, kissing John.
“Sorry about that…”
“Don’t be.” John grinned blissfully. “That was amazing.” After a few minutes of simply making out, it dawned on Simon where he was, and the mess was really beginning to bother him. Soap noticed as Simon began to focus on something else, pulling away.
“What’s wrong?”
“Such a mess.” Simon groaned. “How did it get like this?”
“It’s not that bad, Si. Nothing a bit of spring cleaning can’t fix.” And with that, they got to work. They filled bins with dark and light laundry, Simon doing it while John did the dishes. Simon was filled with a new sense of motivation he hadn’t felt before, and cleaning became easy when he viewed it as something for Johnny. He vacuumed and dusted while John washed dishes. He felt better than he ever had, and though he knew John wasn’t his immediate cure, he sure felt like it.
As he walked over to help Johnny dry the dishes, his knee clicked uncomfortably, pain shooting through his leg.
“Ah-!”
“Simon?” John rushed over to help support him.
“Fuckin’ Hell.” He mumbled. “Damn knee.” John helped him to the couch, sitting beside him and propping his leg up in his lap.
Though Simon protested, it did feel nice to be cared about.
“I’m so glad to have you again.” John whispered, holding Simon’s hand.
Simon smiled softly, overwhelmed with love. “I’m so glad to have you again too. Never wanna leave you.”
“You don’t have to.” Soap kissed his knuckles.
…
“It will be fine. They will love you.” John promised. Simon had moved in with him earlier that week, and had his kid over for the weekend, his two oldest daughters coming back to meet the man their dad supposedly loved.
Simon was dressed nicely, his hair had been cut, he was looking a lot better. His therapist had even noticed his new glow, and after he told her the story, she just smiled and went, “so what you needed was the man you loved.”
“Love, it will be alright.” John told the other man, who was cooking food for their dinner. Just as he finished and took it off heat, the doorbell rang. John gave Simon a kiss and went to get the door. Simon trailed after him, nervous. At the door were his two daughters, both happy to see their dad. He gave them each hugs. They stared at Simon, waiting for him to be addressed.
“Girls, this is Simon.” John introduced. “He’s the man I fell in love with when I served.”
“Hello, Simon,” They shook his hand.
“I’m Isla.” The oldest introduced.
“I’m Ada.” The other followed.
“Nice to meet you.” Simon smiled politely, looking to John for reassurance.
The girls made their way inside, sitting on the couch to tell John all about college. Simon sat, just listening, getting up every so often to check on the food. About half an hour after John’s eldest daughters arrived, the doorbell rang again. John got up to answer the door for his youngest, Samuel, or Sam. He had changed it from Samantha.
“Papa!” He exclaimed, hugging his dad the second the door opened. John gave his ex wife a wave from the door before closing it, giving his son a proper hug.
Soon, the teenager’s eyes were drawn to Simon.
“Sam, this is Simon, the man I fell in love with back when I served.”
“Nice to meet you. You’re the Ghost guy, right? I loved all the stories about you.” Sam grinned. “I’m glad Papa found you again, he’s happier now. What’s for dinner?” Sam turned back to John, leaving Simon grappling to deal with the information. John had talked about him? Sam liked him? John was happier? Before he could properly process it, Sam was running into the living room to talk to his sisters.
Simon overheard Sam talking about a fight he got in and lost with some transphobic prick.
“You lost?” Simon asked.
“Yeah, he’s big. I didn’t stand much chance. I got out of a suspension though, while he had to do it.” Sam said.
“Oh, no. You’ve gotta know where to hit him.” Simon stood up, teaching him where to hit, sparring with him. It was fun, as the younger three laughed.
“Girls! Help me with this!” John called from the kitchen. Sam and Simon continued with their practice fighting. “I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself, that’s good.”
“Yeah. Mom wasn’t happy but Papa said he was proud of me, just wanted to make sure I was okay.” Sam said, flinching and rubbing at his ribs.
“You’ve got a binder on, kid?” Simon asked.
“Yeah.” Sam admitted. “Not much time after school before I had to get in the car.
“No, kid. That’ll hurt you.” Simon said, noticing how the confidence in his posture slipped away.
“Listen, your Papa knows the real you, he loves you to bits, your sisters too. I’m the only new person, and I want you to be safe. If I’m with your dad, then I’m stepping into this role too. I won’t judge you, you’re a boy still, I promise. Your ribs just need to rest. In the war, I saw a couple trans guys discharged after rib fractures because they couldn’t take off binders during a mission.” Simon said, completely honestly. Sam nodded, going to change. He came back soon after, slouching to hide his chest.
“Hey, nobody’s judging. You don’t have to crack your spine too.” Simon said as Sam sat on the couch next to him. Sam nodded, sitting up taller.
“You’re pretty cool. Papa looks at you in a way he never looked at mum. I’m glad you two crossed paths again.”
Simon glanced back at John, who was in the kitchen, setting up dinner with his older kids.
“Me too.” He smiled.