Work Text:
“True intimacy only happens when you allow yourself to be completely vulnerable with someone. To let them see you for who you really are. That's when you know.”
Lucia M.
Vulnerability was always hard for Aaron.
He knew that he had grown up in a strict environment where vulnerability wasn't allowed, where it was considered a weakness. He had to smile the right way to hide the fact that he hated every second he was on earth. Never speak unless spoken to, except for helping his younger brother understand the rules before he had to leave. Never cry or show his dad that the hits hurt his body, mind, and soul. Never break and always stay strong. Never this, never that, never never never.
Never be seen.
Never be heard.
So the concept of being vulnerable as an adult? Or as a dad? Or as the team's unit chief? Terrifying. Get that shit out of his face right goddamn now because it was hard work that he was deathly afraid to ever accomplish.
Being able to show his true feelings was akin to a flower growing through the cracks of concrete. Every time he was threatened with opening up, it was like a ray of sunshine was encouraging him to fight up past the soil, past the weeds, past a concrete barrier to show something truly breathtaking in the simplest ways.
The first time the idea really hit him was when he met Haley. Sweet, beautiful, perfect Haley. The girl was a jack-of-all-trades, with her sharp intelligence and her killer looks. Even in high school, when they were both in theater and looked down on as the nerds and geeks of the school, she never took anyone's shit. Haley was a rainbow of a whirlwind, swishing colors into his life and making his head spin around and around with all the ideas that he never thought possible.
She saw the quiet boy, who always kept his head down. Never judged the way he kept to a strict routine that had been hammered into him during his days at boarding school. Never yelled at him for making mistakes. Never asked questions about the bruises; she simply took him to the nurse or to her house, wrapped a towel around a bag of ice, and held it to his face.
He liked those ‘nevers’. It was so Haley of her to take his rules and spin them in ways that Aaron could never imagine. Make them comforting rather than constricting. Make them logical instead of emotional. And best of all? She made them safe.
She made him feel safe.
Which, of course, meant vulnerability.
This meant that Aaron suffered the late nights staring into the dark, wondering about the things typical teenagers thought about their crushes. He went on a first date with her, hands sweaty and shaking, wearing a stupid tie and the stupid sneakers Haley once complimented in an effort to woo her. He answered Haley's difficult questions when she asked about his dad or about work. He asked Haley to marry him, even though he was a broke law student and could barely afford to buy a band for her finger. They had a whole-ass child to take care of, regardless of whether they were together or not.
Because even when they were yelling at each other, Haley's voice at the top of her lungs and Aaron's a quiet growl, they still opened up to each other. That was just what couples do to be vulnerable.