Chapter Text
Getting ready for the Snowball Dance feels like an out of body experience.
Mia drags her feet all the while. She lets Jonathan, Will and El shower first, only then to take a shower herself while Mom is helping El dry her hair.
After she’s done, she finds mom nervously wringing her hands by the door, and a pile of clothes laid out for her at the foot of Will’s bed. Like she said she would, Mom had rung up Mrs. Wheeler and done her best to put something together for Mia to wear.
It’s simple, but very put together: a brown corduroy skirt that fell just under her knees, which Mia forgot she even owned, and a purple button up with an attached scarf at the neck, that mom says had belonged to Nancy when she was younger, and that Mrs. Wheeler had been kind enough to give to Mia as an early Christmas gift. There’s a headband too, a shade of purple darker than the blouse, that mom had worn when she was a teenager, and small silver earrings that came from mom’s Jewelry box.
There are also brand new lilac tights and brown mary janes, still shiny and squeaky when Mia puts them on after her clothes.
Mom must have bought them on the way back from the Wheelers’, with the money she’d saved all year to buy Mia’s dress.
El is sitting on Will’s bed, heels tapping the side of Mia’s trundle bed, already dressed in the dark blue with pink polka dots dress that Mom had found in the same box as the headband. There is a belt cinching it at the waist, where it was too big on El. Her curly hair was pinned back with a french comb mom had found, pulling it neatly out of her face, while leaving some curls to frame her cheeks and jaw. Mom had put a bit of pink eyeshadow around her eyes, and El had asked for gloss, which Mom had been happy to apply on her, using Mia’s pink glitter gloss that she never wore.
It had been a present from Jenny.
It fit El.
In fact, El had never looked more radiant. In her fancy clothes and old shoes and frilly socks, she looks just like any normal girl. She was even wearing a bracelet on her wrist, to cover her tattoo. Mia doesn’t know where she got it, but it’s leather, and it’s looped around her wrist twice, which makes her think it was from Hopper. There’s also a blue braided tie on her wrist, which despite being much lighter than her dress, fits her all the same.
Jenny would have loved El’s outfit, Mia can’t help but think.
If she were here, she would have had fun putting on lipgloss and eyeshadow on El. She would probably have wheedled Mia into putting eyeshadow too, bright purple.
Mia would have tried to run away. Jenny would have chased her around the room, shrieking and shouting that just a bit of color would not kill her.
“We can just put some baby powder on the insole.” Mom says, and Mia’s jerked back to the present, realizing she’s just been standing in the middle of her room, without moving or saying anything for who knows how long while Mom wrung her hands and watched. “If that’s what’s bothering you.”
Mia tries to push away all thoughts of Jenny.
“It’s fine, mom.”
“Well, did you like it?” Mom asks, smiling, though her eyes are wide and anxious. “I can’t believe that skirt still fits you, but I think it goes well with Nancy’s old shirt.”
“Yeah.” Mia agrees, Mom’s words coming in through an ear and out the other.
Mia puts on the earrings and the headband with automatic motions.
“Here, let me just -”
Mom quickly steps closer to her, and before Mia can process, her hand is rising to Mia’s forehead, gently brushing through her bangs to make them lay flat on her forehead.
That gesture, that Jenny so often did, has Mia’s heart jumping to her throat and her eyes burning.
She can’t do this.
She can’t go out there and pretend that everything’s fine.
“You look pretty.” El says from the bed, encouraging and awed all at once.
“Thanks, El.” Mia says, though she feels like crying.
No, she has to go.
She can’t ruin El’s first experience as a normal girl.
“You look pretty too.” She tells El, honestly.
After mom puts on the “finishing touches”, Mia’s ready to go. She makes a beeline for the living room couch, feeling as though her chest weights a millions pounds.
Will is also ready, wearing his gleaming white shirt and black vest, over a pastel blue and pink striped tie, and Bob is teaching him how to dance, twirling him around the room, while Jonathan videotapes it with his camera. Then he takes El by the hand, teaching her the basic steps as well.
El is all smiles and laughter, wide eyed and in awe of every single gentle nudge and soft direction.
It’s nice to see them this happy.
Even after almost two months, there are still bags under Will’s eyes, but his cheeks aren’t as gaunt as before, and he’s not bone-pale as if he was dying. He’s smiling and laughing at Bob and El, and his cheeks are full and his hair is shiny and he looks so normal, that for a moment, Mia tries to pretend nothing had ever happened.
It doesn’t work.
She can only think of the Jenny-shaped hole in her living room.
If she were here, she would have already dragged Mia out of the couch, to dance alongside Bob and El.
Bob lets El go and turns to Will, to show him how to spin his dance partner, and Will laughs when Bob crouches to twirl under his arm. Then Will tries it with El, who tries to do the same move as Will, resulting in knotted arms and snorts and even more giggling.
Mia wishes she could be that happy too.
Mom eventually herds them all for pictures by the wall. The three of them pose, following Jonathan’s direction of putting an arm on each other’s shoulders, or turning to the side and putting their arms around the person in front, or making silly faces at the camera, then they all file to the car to leave with Jonathan for the dance.
Will waves goodbye at Mom and Bob, who stand together by their front door until their car disappears around the corner.
*
The Gym is decked with silver and blue streamers, white snowflakes, golden fairy lights and balloon arches everywhere. Christmas trees surround the quad, and a huge mirror ball dangles from the ceiling, right in front of the DJ.
Mia hates it and loves it, at the same time.
Jenny would have loved it. She would be so proud.
Lucas, Mike and Max are already there, seated on a table by the corner. Mia spots Nancy to one side of the Gym, busy setting up the refreshments table. Jonathan walks to her, leaving Mia, Will and El to walk alone to their friends’ table.
Their friends are surprised to see all of them there.
“Will!”
“Oh my god, El?!”
“Mia, you came!”
Mia blinks and Max jumps up from her chair, launching herself at Mia, her fiery red hair covering most of Mia’s face as the girl throws her arms around her shoulders.
“I’m so happy you’re here!” She says, next to Mia’s face.
She smells nice, like perfume and citrus shampoo.
Max steps away, smiling. She has a hair clip on the side of her head, pinning back a small little braid amidst her long red hair. The red rose on it matches her dark blue sweater with pink and red stripes, her pink corduroy pants and red converses.
Max’s eyes widen, and she leans close to Mia’s face, “Did you put on lipstick?”
Mia feels embarrassment churning her stomach. Her cheeks grow hot, and though she knows her mom had only dabbed at her lips with her red lipstick - just enough to stain it a ‘healthy color’ - she still fears she looks like a clown.
She wrinkles her nose, “Too much?”
But Max shakes her head, “It’s perfect. Really, it looks great on you.”
Suddenly, Lucas clears his throat, drawing their attention.
“Yeah, Mia. You look really nice. But you look great, Max!” He says, voice wavering with nerves. Mike elbows him and Lucas’ eyes fly to Mia, then back to Max. “I mean, you both look…uhm, great.”
Mia feels the corner of her lips tug in a small smile, which immediately makes her feel horrible.
She doesn’t deserve to feel happy.
Doesn’t deserve to forget, even for a minute, that she is the reason her best friend is not here tonight.
Jenny had never got the chance to ask Lucas to the Dance.
Max turns pink, and smiles at Lucas.
“Thanks, stalker.”
Then she turns to El, eyes wide.
“Wow. That dress is gorgeous. And I love your eyeshadow.”
El’s eyes are wide, her lips glimmering softly under the lights in the Gym. She picks the edge of her dress and softly pulls it away, revealing the wide and rounded skirt, which she swishes back and forth.
“I love the dress.” El parrots, before she glances nervously between Mia and Max. She looks at the redhead, dark eyes narrowed in concentration, and looks the girl up and down. Then she points to Max’s pants. “I love your pants. Pink.”
Max smiles, “Thanks!”
“I like what you did with your hair!” Mike says, suddenly.
He’s staring at El, eyes shining.
El raises a hand to her hair, a little smile on the corner of her mouth. “Thanks. You look nice too.”
Mike has a tan suit jacket over a gray sweater with blue and red accents, which match his faded red tie and light blue shirt. His hair is neatly combed and curling at the ends. Next to him, Lucas is dressed to the nines in a sleek gray suit jacket over a pinstripe shirt and normal dark jeans, his dark hair shining on top of his head.
There’s a moment of silence.
Mia doesn’t care much to think of it, her eyes have turned to the decorations on the ceiling, the gleaming silver streamers and white snowflakes.
Jenny would have loved it so much.
“I like your tie, Will.” Mia hears Mike whisper to Will, a second later.
“Thanks. Your sweater looks nice too.”
Mia looks back at the table, to find Mike gripping the ends of his sweater in the palms of his hands.
“Nana bought this for me like, years ago, and it never fit. I’m pretty sure I’ve grown almost two inches this year.”
Lucas makes a face. “No way, dude, you’re as tall as I am.”
“I’m actually taller than you now.” Mike retorts.
“No way.”
Dustin gets there before they can continue to argue though - and the entire conversation is immediately forgotten.
“Is that Dustin?” Lucas gasps.
Mike’s jaw falls. Dustin opens his arms at them as he gets closer to their table, spinning around to show off his outfit. He looks great in a plaid suit and a black bowtie.
His hair is…definitely something. It’s much different than his usual style, that’s for sure. He looks like those high schoolers that had perms done and kind of looked like poodles.
“What the hell happened to you?!” Mike exclaims, getting up from the table.
The others get up as well, crowding around Dustin.
The smile on Dustin’s face vanishes. “What do you mean, what happened?”
“Dude!”
“Your hair.” Max laughs, squinting incredulously at Dustin’s head.
Lucas reaches up a hand to touch it, “Is there a bird nesting in there?”
Mia turns to glare at Lucas. Why would he be so mean to Dustin? Didn’t he see that he clearly liked his look?
“What do you mean - nothing’s wrong with my hair! There’s no bird nesting in it, asshole.” He bats away Lucas’ arms, touching the back of his…mullet? Perm mullet? “I worked hard on it.”
“It’s not bad.” Mia says, tilting her head at Dustin. Will throws a disbelieving look over Dustin’s shoulder, Mike’s eyebrows nearly disappearing into his hair as he does the same. Mia stares hard at them, then at Dustin. “It’s really not bad. You look great.”
Dustin smiles at her, eyes becoming two little commas of happiness.
Next to Mia, El nods her head at Dustin.
“I like your hair. It’s very pretty.”
“Thank you, El. Clearly you and Mia are the only people with taste in this room.” Dustin says, fixing his jacket.
The song changes to Cindy Lauper’s Time after Time, dramatically shifting the atmosphere of the dance floor. People start pairing up, swaying to the slow song.
“Max…”
All their heads snap around to stare at Lucas, who falters for a moment, before staring straight at Max, as if no one else was there.
“Hey,” Lucas wiggles his eyebrows, “It’s nice right?”
Oh.
Is Lucas…asking Max to dance?
Mia looks over at Mike, eyes wide. He raises his eyebrows at her and shrugs.
“Wanna…uh, you wanna like, you know, like, just you and me -”
Max smiles, slow and teasing. “Are you trying to ask me to dance, stalker?”
Lucas panics, “No. No. Of course not.” But Max’s eyes are absolutely gleaming under the lights and when he sees that she’s not mad, he amends, “Unless…you want to -”
Max laughs and pulls him by the arm, “So smooth. C’mon.”
Mia watches them go, a weight in her heart.
She hadn’t realized that Lucas and Max had a thing for each other.
She wonders how she could’ve missed it.
On the dance floor, Max puts her arms around Lucas’ neck, ducking her head to smile at the floor.
Mia kind of wants to cry.
It should be Jenny there.
Nausea fills her stomach, horror at her own thought making her tear her eyes away from Max and Lucas’ swaying figures.
How could she think that?
Max was clearly so happy, and all Mia could think was that she shouldn’t - it should be Jenny there, in Lucas’ arms, in the pink dress she had ordered months ago, swaying to Cindy Lauper.
Mia didn’t deserve to have friends.
She hadn’t been a good friend to Jenny, and now Jenny was dead. She clearly can’t be a good friend to Max, either.
How could she even think that Max shouldn't be happy?
Guilt, horrible and burning, fills her chest.
How could she be such a terrible person? Couldn’t she just be happy for Max?
“Hey, zombie boy.”
This time, Mia almost snaps her neck from how fast she turns her head. Martha Gilespie is standing in front of them in a pretty striped blouse and bright blue earrings.
“Do you want to dance?” She asks Mia’s brother.
“Uh, I - uhm.” Will doesn’t know what to do with himself. His eyes fly to Mike, then to Mia, wide and desperate. “I - I don’t, uhm, I -”
Mike looks down at Will, eyebrows raised, and slaps Will’s chest.
“I, uh.” Will blinks at Martha, then at Mike, almost begging him to give Will an excuse to stay. Mia can see the disappointment in his eyes when Mike just slaps his chest again, urging him to go, though Will is quick to cover it with a smile. “I mean, yeah, sure.”
Martha takes him away to the dance floor. Will sets his hands on her waist, like Bob had shown him, letting her put her arms on his shoulder.
They sway together, almost a foot apart from each other, and a tiny smile appears on Will’s lips. Martha must say something to him because his shoulders relax. Mia can see his lips saying my sister loves this song too before they turn around, swaying to the chorus.
Dustin blows out a breath, fixes his jacket and bow tie. He’s looking somewhere ahead, “Wish me luck, guys. I’m going in.”
Before he can walk away, El steps forward. “I want to dance too.”
Dustin whirls his head around to her, surprised. He glances at Mike, who’s staring at the people dancing, seeming to have not listened to them.
“Do you…” Dustin starts, glancing once again at Mike, before turning to El. “Well, you are a girl. Do you want to dance with me, El? It will be fun.”
El tilts her head at Dustin. Then glances at Mike, who is still distracted. Then at Mia.
Mia stares back, but she’s not seeing El. She thinks of lying next to Jenny on her bed, staring up at the ceiling filled with softly twinkling plastic stars as they spoke about liking boys, about Jenny liking Lucas, and Mia telling her that Dustin would be the ideal choice, but between Mike and Lucas and Will, Lucas is the better choice, I suppose.
“Yes. It will be fun.” El says, jarring Mia to the present.
Dustin perks up, throwing his hair back and bowing low at the waist. He offers her a hand.
“My lady. Would you do the honor of dancing with me in this beautiful winter paradise?”
At this, Mike turns his head to Dustin, confusion furrowing his brows. Then panic as he sees that El is the one Dustin is asking to dance.
El isn’t looking at him, though. She’s smiling at Dustin, dimpled, nose wrinkled. She hasn’t moved to take his hand
“Yes. I told you. Did you not hear?”
Dustin snorts, straightening up and gently taking El’s hand in hers. “C’mon, El.”
He drags El to where the others are dancing. He guides her hands to his soldiers, and places his hands on his waist. El is wide eyed, head swiveling around to stare at the other swaying couples. Dustin tells her something that makes her look down at their feet. And soon, they begin to dance, slowly and out of rhythm.
“I can’t believe it.” Mike whispers.
“What?”
“Nothing.” Mike answers, unconvincingly.
Mia’s memory sparks to that kiss between him and El, so long ago, in the cafeteria. A shudder runs down her spine.
Maybe it was good that El had gone to dance with Dustin. Mike shouldn’t have kissed El then, and he would probably try again now.
Mia curls her arms around herself, digging her fingernails into the crook of her elbows.
“We shouldn’t even be here tonight.” Mike says in a whisper, suddenly. “We’re just…pretending that nothing happened. Jenny should be here right now, alive and wearing something stupid and over the top… I wish she was here.”
Mia feels as though she’s been punched in the chest.
Mike’s face, so full of terror, comes to mind. The paleness of his face as they crept through the halls of the lab. His wide eyes in the darkness of that broom closet.
Him, screaming Jenny’s name, staring up at the empty window.
“Yeah.” She whispers, voice nearly gone.
Her heart has started hammering in her chest, and she brings her hands up to press the heels of her hands against her eyes.
Stars burst behind her eyelids, blue and purple and red, and then the darkness takes a shape: Jenny’s wide blue eyes. The demogorgon behind her. Bright red blood.
Mia snaps her eyes open wide.
“She would have liked the mirrorball.” Mike whispers, oblivious, looking up at the decorations. His eyes are wet. “She’s the one who suggested to Mrs. Simpson that they should put up fairy lights, did she tell you?”
Mia blinks, and blinks, trying to snap the image of Jenny’s blue eyes and the demogorgon and bright red blood away from her mind, but she can’t.
The image seems stuck to the back of her eyelids, like glitter on skin.
“And she’s not here to see it.” He continues, voice wobbling. “She would have danced with Dustin.”
The song changes. Mia tries desperately to listen along to the lyrics, trying to find something to distract herself from the sudden lack of air in the Gym.
Since you've gone, I've been lost without a trace… I dream at night, I can only see your face. I look around, but it's you I can't replace…I feel so cold, and I long for your embrace, I keep crying baby -
She finds her brother first, spinning Martha Gilespie under his hand, just like Bob had shown him. Then she finds Max’s fiery hair just in time to see her lean in and kiss Lucas.
Mia stops, mind blank.
It’s hard to breathe. It feels like she’s just put on a lead jacket, and it’s slowly sinking her down into the earth.
Her heart slams against her chest. She’s sweating, drops of it sliding down her sides. The world seems to wobble around her as a sense of terror seems to swallow her whole.
She needs to leave. She needs to leave now. It had been a terrible idea to come. She should have just stayed home with mom and Bob. She can’t do this. She can’t do this. She can’t do this.
“I - I need to- uhm.” Mia opens her mouth wide, trying to breathe. Her voice is shaking and her hands are shaking and she needs to leave. Something bad is about to happen, and Mia is scared that she will just open her mouth and scream and she needs to leave.
She can’t leave. Where is she gonna go?
Her eyes search for Jonathan; Her brother’s busy to one side of the Gym, camera flashing as he shouts poses at two girls, who are laughing and hugging each other in front of a pale blue background.
One of the girls is blonde.
Mia’s vision spins, the colors around her seeming twice as bright.
She’s gonna throw up.
“Bathroom.” She tells Mike, and before she can think twice, she turns around and walks fast in the direction of the locker rooms.
She locks her eyes on the door, as the floor spins under her feet. She has to make it there. She can’t throw up in the middle of the room. She feels hot, and her lips are tingling and she can’t breathe, and she’s sweating, and she feels the vomit climbing up the back of her throat and she needs to get there, she won’t make it she won’t make it -
She runs.
Both of her hands slap against the locker room door, pushing it open with force.
She has to run. There’s a demogorgon behind them and it’s all her fault -
Mia blinks hard and reaches past the benches and the lockers, to the corner where the bathroom stalls are. She slaps her palm on the first door on her left, throwing it open. She feels the heat against the back of her throat, the roiling of her stomach, and she bends over and throws up right there on the floor, right by the closed toilet seat.
A horrible retching sound fills the bathroom. Vomit splashes against her new shoes and the new purple tights mom had just bought her.
No no no no -
mom had just bought those for her and now they were ruined -
Mia throws up again, ribs locking against her sides. She can’t breathe, she can’t breathe.
“Mia?!” Someone shouts, the bathroom door slamming open.
There’s a loud crack of splintering wood. Jenny cries out, clutching the back of Mia’s pants.
“Oh my god, Mia!”
Mia throws up again, but nothing comes out. She can’t breathe.
The door breaks. The creature roars as it runs into the bathroom, claws slipping on the floor.
A cold hand touches her forehead and Mia screeches in terror, throwing her arm back, hitting something warm and hard.
“OW - Mia! it’s Nancy! Calm down!”
Nancy?
No. Nancy wasn’t there, was she?
Nancy wasn’t at the Lab. Nancy had come to the Snowball Dance.
Mia had come to the Snowball Dance.
The locker room stall swims into her vision again. The vomit splashed on the floor and on her shoes and purple tights.
Heat fills her eyes and cheeks.
Mia starts to cry, shame and fear and exhaustion making her legs wobble.
“Hey, hey, oh no.” Cold hands pick her by the armpits, pulling her back before she can fall into the puddle of her own vomit. “Come on, Mia.”
Mia lets herself be dragged, seeing Nancy’s red and black plaid dress and curls in the corner of her eyes. Nancy drags her to a bench, and sits her down, kneeling in front of her.
Mia can’t stop crying. Sobs tearing at her chest and burning throat, tears sliding down her cheeks hot as fire, hot as blood.
She swipes her hands against them, clawing at her skin, where her best friend’s blood had landed as she was pulled down by that creature -
Hands pick her hands, squeezing them tightly with small, thin fingers. “Hey, none of that okay?”
Mia blinks and blinks, trying to breathe through her open mouth.
“Mia, I need you to stop.” Nancy is kneeling in front of her. Her voice wobbles, and Mia sees that her eyes are also wet. “Mia. Stop. You need to stop. Breathe. Like me, come on. You can do it, just breathe.”
She inhales slowly, puffing out her cheeks as she exhales. Nancy’s voice is so familiar that through her tears and spinning mind, Mia tries to follow what she’s saying. She gasps in a breath. Then another. The world spins, and glows and all colors are so bright and horrible.
“That’s it. Breathe, Mia. You can do it.”
Mia has a sudden flash of memory: standing in Nancy’s room while El changed. Seeing the pictures on her mirror of Nancy and Barbara Holland, together and smiling.
“How did you do it?” She whines at Nancy, still crying. “How?”
“How did I do what, Mia?” Nancy asks, voice and hands steadying Mia on the bench.
Mia sobs, one hand clutching Nancy’s as if it were a lifeline. And it is. It feels like Nancy is the only thing keeping her sitting, keeping her here in this locker room and not in the memory of flickering lights and water and grey rotten skin and blue eyes and blood.
“Your friend.” She sobs. “She’s dead, like Jenny.”
Nancy pales, eyes wide as if Mia had just reached out and slapped her across the face.
“I can’t do it.” Mia continues, trying to wipe the hot tears away from her cheeks, they feel too much like blood and her hands are shaking and she’s going to die. She is going to die. “She’s dead and it’s my fault. I can’t do this. I shouldn’t be here.”
Nancy rises up to hug her, hands pulling Mia’s head against her neck, and pressing Mia hard against herself. Mia gags at the smell of her own vomit and Nancy’s flowery perfume. She’s ruining everything. She’s dirtying Nancy’s clothes and ruining her night and everyone else’s and she should just be dead already.
She wants to die.
“Sh, shhh. Mia. Don’t say that.” Nancy says, and she’s crying too. “It’s not - it’s not your fault, you hear me?”
“It is.” Mia sobs, because Nancy wasn’t there. She doesn’t know. “It’s my fault! It came after us because of me, and Jenny was only there because she is my friend and now she’s dead!”
Nancy’s hands tighten around her hair for a moment, pulling. Mia cries and cries against her neck.
She doesn’t deserve this. She got her best friend killed.
“Don’t say that.” Nancy says again, wet, against Mia’s ear and hair. “It’s not your fault. Your friend was there that - that night because she loved you. You hear me? Your friend wanted to just - just be there with you. It’s not - it’s not your fault she’s dead. It’s not.”
Nancy pulls Mia away from her neck, only to cradle both her cheeks in her cold hands. Mia stares at Nancy’s face, her pale blue eyes and dark curly hair, the shape of her chin and nose, so like Mike’s. Mia had always looked up to Nancy. Ever since she was little, Mia had always thought she looked so perfect, so beautiful, dressed as an Elf princess or in her pretty flowery pajamas. Mia had wanted to be just like her, growing up.
But now Nancy’s mascara is running and she’s crying.
She’s just a girl, who like Mia, lost her best friend.
“It was not your fault.” Nancy says, with sudden force. Her eyes have sharpened, her jaw gritted hard as she squeezes Mia’s cheeks slightly, stunning Mia into silence. “It was not your fault, you hear me? It was those monsters. They killed your friend, not you.”
Mia shakes her head, because Nancy doesn’t know.
Nancy’s gaze softens, and so does her voice.
“I know it doesn’t feel like it.” She starts, swallowing hard. “I know it feels like it’s your fault. I know that you’re thinking that- that if only you hadn’t brought her there, everything would have been different. She would be alive and okay and -” Nancy cuts herself off, closing her eyes.
She lets go of Mia’s face, pulling herself up to sit on the bench next to Mia, her thigh warm against Mia’s.
Neither of them speak for a long moment. The music is loud in the other room, but it doesn’t feel as aloud as Mia’s own heart, breaking in her chest.
“Barb wanted to leave, you know? That night at Steve’s.” Nancy begins, whispering. ”I told her I wanted to stay, that I was going to stay, and that she could just go home, but…she didn’t make it home. The monster - that demogorgon thing. It killed her.”
Mia remembers that. The moment when El told her that Barbara was gone. Remembers thinking that she didn’t know what she would do, if she lost Jenny.
And here she is.
“I should have never even brought her there. My mom thought I was at - some stupid vigil for Will or whatever excuse I invented.” Nancy laughs, wet and hateful, at herself. “Barb wouldn’t be at Steve’s house if it wasn’t for me. So tell me, do you think it’s my fault she’s dead?”
She turns to Mia, blue eyes wet, and she’s not angry, or challenging…no. It seems like she’s honestly asking Mia. Pleading her to say that it isn’t her fault.
Mia shakes her head.
Maybe Nancy had told Mia what she herself had wanted to hear.
“It’s - It’s not your fault.” Mia tells her, not really believing in the words she’s echoing. “Your friend - Barb was there that night because - because she loved you. Like, like Jenny loved me.”
Nancy’s eyes fill with tears. She laughs, and Mia knows that she doesn’t believe in Mia’s words either.
They sit there for a while. Mia isn’t crying anymore, but the vomit on her clothes is starting to dry. She has the sudden thought that it’s weird that no one has come into the bathroom yet.
Mia looks over her shoulder to check.
“I locked the door on the way in.” Nancy tells her, pulling something from the pocket of her dress. “One of the perks of chaperoning is that I have the key to the bathrooms. In case something happens.”
“Like someone throwing up in the bathroom?”
“Yeah.” Nancy swipes a hand under her nose, and shakes herself. “Yeah. We should do something about that.”
Silently, they both walk over to the sinks. Mia decides to stick both her feet under the running faucet, one at a time, just to wash off the worst of the vomit from her shoes and tights while Nancy helps her balance. Then she pulls them both off, leaving her legs and feet bare against the cold floor.
Mom had just bought those for her.
And now they’re ruined.
Mia feels like she’s gonna start crying again. Her eyes burn, but no tears fall.
“Don’t worry about them.” Nancy tells her, as if reading her thoughts. She takes the tights from Mia’s hand, and quickly balls it up inside a paper towel. “I’ll get you new tights, alright? As a - a Christmas gift. And the shoes - I think you can just let them dry and they’ll be good as new, ok?”
Mia nods, exhaustion falling over her body like a heavy blanket. She wants nothing more than to go home and sleep.
“Why don’t you and I go outside, for a moment?” Nancy tells her, “To get some fresh air?”
Mia stares at her for a second, feeling like a shell of girl, drained of everything. Then, eventually, she nods.
They decide to wrap paper towels around her feet so she can put on her shoes again, because it’s cold outside and she can’t exactly walk around barefooted. It’s terrible and it hurts where the wet straps dig into her skin through the paper, and with each step, her shoes squeak, filled with water, making her heat beat faster.
But Mia keeps her mouth shut. And follows Nancy outside the bathroom.
Mike is waiting outside.
“Thank god!” Mike says, crowding them against the door. “I was about to go in there! Are you okay, Mia? You just ran out -”
“She’s fine, Mike.” Nancy tells him. “I told you I would go check on her. Now give her some space, we’re gonna go outside.”
“Wait, are you okay, Mia? Did something happen?”
Mia tries to clear her throat and speak, but it’s like all words have been stolen from her, and only a pitiful, croaking sound leaves her throat.
“She’s feeling a bit under the weather, Mike.” Nancy says, “Girl problems.”
“Girl problems? ” Mike frowns, wrinkling his nose. “ What are -”
His eyes widen then, his face turning red.
“Oh. oh. Ew. Alright.” Mike glances at Mia, looking freaked out, then looks hurriedly behind himself, “Uhm. Should I - call Jonathan? What should I -”
“Just tell him I got her, alright? There’s no need for him to worry.” Nancy says.
It’s dark outside, and only the floodlights outside the gym are on. The school building looms ahead, its many windows dark. The nearest lamppost is a mile down the driveway, on the other side of the road. It’s bitterly cold too, with a cutting wind that makes Mia’s ears ache and her nose go numb.
Still, she breathes in, revelling in the cold that creeps into her lungs.
A shiver goes down Mia’s spine. She feels watched all of a sudden, and is actually kind of glad that Nancy is here with her. She huddles close to the girl’s side, crossing her arms around herself.
They hear the sound of a lighter being flicked on, right before a flame appears a few feet ahead. It illuminates Hopper’s face, where he’s leaning against the trunk of a black car.
“What is he doing here?” Nancy mumbles, heading for Hopper.
“El is here.” Mia tells Nancy.
It makes sense that he’s hanging around. Mia had half expected to find her mom in the parking lot too.
They get to Hopper, who greets them with a nod of his head. He must see something in their faces, because he straightens up, face turning serious.
“Girls.Everything alright?”
“Yes, it’s fine.” Nancy says with a smile, before Mia can say anything. “You’re waiting for El?”
Hopper takes a drag of his cigarette, blowing the smoke away from them, “Yeah. I’ll be driving her to the cabin afterwards, and just wanted to make sure that you kids could enjoy the dance with... No unwanted visitors.”
Nancy and Mia watch him bring the cigarette to his mouth, the tip of it glowing a bright cherry red, before he once again exhales the smoke, this time through his nose and mouth.
“I had a daughter once, you know?” He tells them, without prompting.
Mia knew this, but apparently, Nancy did not.
“You did?” She asks.
“Yeah. Her name was Sarah.”
Nancy looks down, frowning.
Wind blows through the parking lot, making Mia’s teeth chatter.
“I never did tell you that I was sorry for not finding your friend, Nancy.” Hopper says.
Nancy’s head snaps up to him, surprised.
“I may not have had a daughter for…many years now, but. I know. I wish I could tell you girls that this feeling goes away, but…” He flicks his cigarette, throws it to the ground and crushes it under his heel. “It never really does. Though it’s true what they say. Everyday it does get a little bit easier.”
Mia feels her throat grow tight.
It doesn’t feel like anything has become easier in the last weeks.
At her side, Nancy seems equally disbelieving.
“Well. Thanks for the apology. If you need anything, Chief, Mr. Clarke is at the front.” Nancy tells Hopper. then she takes Mia’s hand, tilting her head back at the gym, curls bouncing against her forehead. “Should we head back inside, Mia? I’m sure the others are looking for you.”
Mia wants to tell her no. Wants to stay here in the parking lot, even though her fingers and knees have gone numb, and maybe, convince Hopper to take her back home.
But then again, what would she be coming home to? Would she just lie in her bed and stare at the ceiling, images of Jenny’s death flashing behind her eyes?
She’s suddenly gripped by a fierce longing for her friends. For Will. She misses them, so strongly it’s like a hand reached into her chest and pulled.
“Okay.” She tells Nancy, and they both head inside with a last goodbye to Hopper.
And when she gets inside, Mike is talking to both El and Will, and Lucas is laughing with Dustin, and Max is holding two cups of punch in her hands. Her eyes shine when she spots Mia.
Nancy motions her to go with her friends, before walking off to the other side of the Gym, where Jonathan is taking pictures. Mia watches her go for a moment, then braces herself with a deep sigh.
When she gets near her friends’ table, Max offers one of the cups in her hands out to Mia.
“Where have you been?” Max asks, taking a sip of the cup in her hand.
Mia takes the cup and takes a sip too. The punch is very sweet and cold, vaguely tasting like cherry, but mostly sugar. It doesn’t help her warm up any, just leaves her feeling even more cold than before.
“Just outside for a bit.”
“Everything okay?” Will asks, looking at her. Mia nods her head at him and he smiles. His cheeks are red, and his eyes shine.
He looks happy.
Max nudges her shoulder, making Mia look at her.
Madonna’s newest song, Material Girl starts playing.
Max wiggles her eyebrows, extending a hand to Mia. “You wanna dance?”
Mia stares down at her hand, a warmth filling her chest.
Guilt follows, as she expected it would.
But she’s here, and she doesn’t want to be an even worse friend to Max.
She has to make it up to her, somehow.
So Mia nods her head, even though the last thing she wants is to dance. She takes Max’s hand and lets the redhead lead her onto the floor.