Work Text:
“Oh yeah, he’s outta it,” Prism chuckled, an amused tone in her words. She held her phone out before her, pointing directly at a loopy Robert.
Robert frog-eyed blinks, sipping slowly on ginger ale through a straw. His eyes darted around the room, trying but failing to focus on the ex-villains that surrounded his cot. The monitor beeped rhythmically, and it was unusual to see his heart rate calm instead of agitated, as it usually was.
Robert took a pretty nasty hit from a crook on their last call. He insisted he was fine, but it was clearly a lie, given that he was stumbling and repeating his words. So Chase flew him down to the medic bay, where he lay zooted out of his mind.
“How long do we gotta babysit this stupid fucker?” Flambae glanced at the clock—more like glared at it. “Mandy said she was bringing her car around,” he huffed.
"We need a nurse to discharge him; then we can wheel him out," Malevola soothed. She sat on the edge of Robert’s cot, a hand close by to catch the soda should he drop it.
Robert spat out the straw. “Why are ya here?” he slurred.
“To see if you keeled over,” Invisigal shrugged.
Phenomaman frowned, childlike innocence on his face. “Your mannerisms said otherwise earlier. I seem to recall—”
Glares were sent his way, as well as a sharp shush that rang through the air. Phenomaman thankfully took the hint and made a show of zipping his lips shut.
“How are you feeling?” Malevola asked cautiously.
“Fuzzy.” Robert blinked again, then slowly laid his hand atop Malevola’s. “You're warm,” he murmured.
Malevola chuckled lightly. “Yeah, babes, I run hotter than most people, remember?”
Robert then plucked up her hand, staring intensely at it. He straightened out her fingers and then placed his next to hers. “You're bigger than me,” he mumbled.
“That's because you're tinier than me,” Malevola chuckled.
Invisigal chuckled and then beckoned over Golem. “Hey, Robert. Wanna see something that’ll blow your mind?”
Robert’s eyes widened as he sat up slowly. “Blow me,” he mumbled.
Snickers ran through the group as Golem held his hand out. Robert placed his other hand atop it, trying to stretch his fingers wider than they could go. When they couldn’t go any further, he pouted slightly.
“Why’s it…whatzit…” Robert’s pout deepened. “Why do I sound funny?”
“Because you're high off your ass on happy juice,” Sonar giggled.
Robert blinked, his pout now becoming a frown. “Why am I here?” he slurred.
“You took a hit to the head. The cut was rather deep, so stitches were required.” Coupe’s expression hardened as she cupped Robert's cheek. “The next time you decide to jump in front of a criminal made entirely of knives, I will kill you myself,” she scolded.
Robert stared up at her, then he placed his hand over hers. “Whyzit cold?”
“Sorry?” Coupe blinked.
“Your hand. Itz cold.” Robert then plucked up Malevola’s hand and intertwined it with Coupe’s. “There. Fix it,” he declared.
Snickers rang through the air as Robert patted the conjoined hands triumphantly. Robert then turned his gaze to Golem's hand, which remained extended toward him. His pout returned as he stared at it.
“You don’t got nobody’s hand to hold, do ya big guy?” Robert slurred.
“Yup,” Golem agreed.
Robert waved over Phenomaman. “Phenomamamaman, get over here!” he called.
“Keep it down, lad, there’s other people ‘ere,” Punch Up scolded lightly.
“How can I help you, Third Robert Robertson?” Phenomaman asked, hovering to a stop beside the cot.
Robert then took Golem’s hand and pushed it towards the alien. “Problem solved,” he declared.
“Dope,” Golem rumbled. Robert smiled in a goofy manner and raised both thumbs up. Sonar chided him as he lowered his arms, telling him not to move so much since he still had the IV in him.
“What are you doin’, Robbo? Playin’ matchmaker?” Flambae snickered.
“Yus. Been trying to set up Chase for months.” Robert flapped his hand in some kind of beckoning motion. “You didn’t hear it from me, but Jane Smith in HR has a crush on Chase,” he not whispered.
“No!” Prism gasped. She had passed off her phone to a clone of herself.
“Rob-Robert’s tellin… It’s true!” Waterboy chimed in.
“Chase? Are we talking about the same Chase?” Invisigal asked, raising an eyebrow.
Robert nodded enthusiastically. “Yup, that one!”
“The fuck does she see in ‘im?” Punch Up grimaced.
“Her twin brother, John…” Robert frowned. “Thatz dumb. Their names are John and Jane Smith,” he mumbled.
“Robert. Focus,” Coupe stated. She looked too invested in whatever he was saying.
“What waz…” Robert snapped his fingers. “Oh yeah, Jane’s twin brother John overheard Jane telling Kate from marketing that she’s into silver foxes!”
Prism smiled devilishly, rubbing her hands together like a fly. “I can’t wait to coincidentally have them both in an elevator that’ll just coincidentally break down,” she schemed.
Robert giggled, a goofy smile stretching across his face. “You're so cute when you do that,” he mumbled.
His words hung heavier than they should. Prism’s eyes widened from behind her visor as Robert just continued mumbling on, unaware of the eyes that seemed to stare into him.
“Babes.” Malevola cupped his cheek, forcing his attention on her. “Robert, can you repeat that?” she encouraged.
“I love it when she does that.” Robert flapped his hands a bit, like he was mimicking Prism. “When she becomes a menace.” He then cupped Malevola’s cheek. “And you. You, you, you're so pretty. I like how you always command the attention of any room you enter, intentionally or not. And how comforting your touch is,” he slurred.
Malevola’s cheeks turned a deeper shade of red. Her tail flicked back and forth gently, like Beef’s tail when he gets babied.
“So you have a crush on Malevola?” Prism asked, her eyes twinkling.
“I don’t got a crush,” Robert mumbled, shaking his head gently.
“But you just admitted she’s pretty,” Sonar pointed out.
“‘Cause she is.” Robert made grabby hands at Sonar, who leaned in after sharing a confused look with Malevola. “She’s pretty and you…” He squished the bat hybrid’s face in between his hands. “You…’re so cute,” he cooed.
“Cute?!” Sonar sputtered.
“And fluffy,” Robert added, mashing up Sonar’s face like he was playing with Beef.
“It’s nearing winter,” Sonar admitted sheepishly.
“Oh shit, winter!” Robert lunged forward, narrowly avoiding Sonar’s head as he retreated. “Waterboy’s gonna have… needs an insulated suit,” he stated, pointing at the janitor.
“I shall tell Blonde Blazer—” Phenomaman frowned, then shook his head gently. “Apologies. I mean, Mandy about Waterboy needing an insulated suit for the winter season,” he declared.
“Lay back down, lad,” Punch Up commanded gently as he climbed onto the cot. He then pushed Robert back onto the cot, his hands even gentler.
Robert let himself be pushed back into the cot, his arms flopping to his sides. “He’s fluffy, she’s pretty, and you…” He narrowed his eyes at the Irishman. “Unique,” he said finally.
Invisigal snorted. “You’ve got a way with words, Robbo,” she said.
“Shuddup for a second.” Robert blinked, staring intensely at the Irishman. “You're always confident about what you do and adaptable with whatever shitstorm life throws at you.” Another goofy smile. “I like that ‘bout you,” he admitted.
Punch Up beamed warmly, then gently ruffled the lithe man’s hair. He side-stepped so that Coupe could pull up Robert’s blanket, who mumbled a thank you.
“So it’s Punch Up your crushing on?” Invisigal egged, a shit-eating grin tugging on her lips.
“I ain’t crushin’,” Robert huffed, pouting slightly.
“Baby, it’s obvious you're crushing.” Prism rolled her eyes. “Just who, though? You admitted Sonar’s cute, that Malevola’s pretty, and you admired Punch. Giving mixed signals here,” she added.
“Why do you keep askin’ that?” Robert narrowed his eyes at her. “I genuinely don’t got a crush,” he repeated.
“What, you're just callin’ everybody pretty because you like ‘em or somethin’?” Flambae snorted.
“Yeah.”
Robert’s admission rang through the air, silence falling over the group aside from the beeping monitor. Robert continued, ignorant of the world around him.
“You sons of bitches are the most annoying sons of bitches I’ve ever met. But you never make life boring.” He smiled sweetly. “You guys are amazing,” he added.
Prism chuckled as she brushed back some hair that fell into Robert’s eyes. “You're cute,” she stated.
Robert reached up and cupped her cheek. With his other hand, Robert cupped Malevola’s cheek. Robert then reached out and cupped Coupe’s cheek. He then frowned and moved it back to Prism. Then back to Coupe. Robert pulled his hand back, frowning at it before his eyes welled up.
“The fuck?!” Invisigal glanced around the room in a panic. “I didn’t do it!” she exclaimed, backing up.
“What’s wrong?” Coupe asked, placing her hand over Robert’s.
“I don’t have enough hands!” Robert stared at his hands as tears streamed freely. “I wanna hug you all!” He sobbed.
“Aw, babes!” Malevola cooed as she shuffled closer to Robert.
“Yer gonna be the death of us, lad.” Punch Up grumbled half-heartedly as he plopped himself in Robert’s lap.
“I declare a hug pile!” Phenomaman shouted, immediately squishing everyone into a massive hug.
Flambae attempted to sneak away, rolling his eyes, but Malevola’s tail snaked around his wrist. In one sharp tug, he was yanked into the hug pile. Invisigal squirmed, grumbling about being squashed next to Waterboy, but immediately shut up when Golem squeezed her too tight.
Robert sniffled, carding his hand through Punch Up’s hair. “I know you guys don’t like me, but I really like you guys. You're all improving, and I'm so proud of you. All of you.”
“Us too, Bobbo,” Flambae admitted softly.
“We like you too,” Phenomaman added. Robert fell silent; the only sound to be heard was the beeping monitor. Then a soft snore left him, his head resting on Punch Up’s shoulder. His face was peaceful, void of any stress or anger.
Coupe gently pushed Robert back into the cot while Punch Up climbed off the mattress. Sonar shrugged out of his coat and then draped it over Robert’s sleeping form. Prism lowered the lights with the flick of her wrist, bathing the space in warm light.
For just a brief moment, they let the words sink in: Robert admitting he likes them, saying how proud he is, and calling everyone pretty. Waterboy wrung his hands again, eyes darting nervously around the room before he spoke.
“W-we’re in over o-our h-heads, a-aren’t we…?” he asked, hesitantly.
“Oh fo sure,” Prism agreed.
“Oh yeah, we’re fucked,” Invisigal added, nodding.
~🌟~
“You wanna explain to me why the living disco ball is asking about my dating preferences?” Chase demanded, crossing his arms.
Robert sighed into his coffee cup. It hasn’t even been a full shift, and some fresh bullshit has just started. Maybe he should’ve taken the day off, as Mandy told him to yesterday.
“I may have let it slip that you have a secret admirer to them,” Robert admitted sheepishly.
“I do?” Chase perked up at this, smoothing out his hair as his eyes darted around the room. “And who’s the lady?” he asked.
“Her.” Robert pointed to Jane, who was talking to Mandy. She had been staring at Chase the entire conversation, bobbing her head along occasionally.
“No.” Chase shook his head immediately, walking away from Robert. “Absolutely not. I probably look old enough to be considered her grandpa,” he stated.
“Hey, she might be into that,” Robert shrugged.
Chase sputtered, making a beeline for anywhere away from Robert. Robert shrugged again, finally sipping at his coffee. Something clattered on his desk, shaking him out of his peace as he looked up and came face to face with Invisigal.
“Here.” She gestured to the pile of Twinkies. “Make sure you eat something,” she ordered gruffly, though there was no venom in her words. As quickly as she appeared, she vanished.
That’s the third Z-Team member to act weird around him. First was Waterboy, who beamed bright red when Robert gave him a good morning. Next was Phenomaman, who was extremely huggy upon seeing Robert.
I wonder if I said anything embarrassing.