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He hated the shrill tone of the alarm clock. They argued about it every three days. But he knew deep down that he wouldn't wake up to any other ringtone, even though he hated it.
He much preferred waking up like this ten minutes before that disgusting alarm shattered their shared morning idyll. Snuggled up against the warm, slightly taller body. Miles of nothing but bare skin and gentle breathing escaping lips that were so close to kissing.
Hickeys on the collarbones he'd left just a few hours ago, when he'd come for the second time that night in the unbelievable warm tightness of his boyfriend, which drove him insane every time.
"Don't look at me like that," murmured Seungmin. "I can feel your gaze even with my eyes closed."
Felix sighed. "We have ten more minutes. I think I have the perfect idea for how to spend them. Preferably inside you, right here in this bed."
Seungmin turned around. Hair sticking out in every direction and eyes swollen from lack of sleep due to their nighttime activities.
"Jagi, I'll barely be able to dance after last night, and Minho hyung will grumble the whole time, training will drag on even longer, and everything will get delayed. Besides, you got plenty last night, didn't you?"
Felix kissed him tenderly. "I didn't hear you stopping me or complaining?"
Seungmin sighed, rolling his eyes, and wordlessly pulled Felix onto his naked body. Felix lost himself in him again in his warmth, his scent, the soft moan as he entered him once more. God, he loved it. He loved him.
They'd been a couple for over three years now. They'd lived together forever, and at some point, friendship turned into more. Felix had practically had to beat his feelings into Seungmin because he was too dense to understand what Felix was trying to convey. But once they confessed and got together... the rest was surprisingly easy.
The fact that they already lived together in the "Cuties" dorm made things easier on one hand but harder on the other. They'd agreed to keep it to themselves for as long as possible. They knew the others would completely freak out, and half of them couldn't act inconspicuously or keep their mouths shut in public.
So it was heaven and hell at the same time. Seeing his boyfriend every day but not being able to kiss him or fuck him against the wall whenever he wanted.
The sex was... fantastic would be way too bland.
They weren't virgins, but they might as well have been. Sex with each other was like nothing they'd experienced before. Even after three years, they had it almost daily. They were passionate and in love, and Felix found Seungmin incredibly attractive not just physically, but in his character, his views, his behavior. He wasn't joking when he said they were like a married couple. For Felix, it was clear from the start that this relationship was headed there, and they'd laid many foundations for life after Stray Kids. Since Seungmin would be sent to civilian service instead of traditional military duty because of his foot, Felix didn't worry that anything could ever separate them. They would get through everything.
After Jeongin the only one who knew about them caught them having sex one afternoon a few years ago because they hadn't expected anyone to return early from the free weekend, he had to swear not to say anything. The only thing he said afterward was that they needed separate apartments, or he'd scratch his eyes out before having to see Seungmin moaning on Felix's dick again. Jeongin nagged Chan so long about not wanting such little space anymore until Chan actually advocated for four apartments. That Felix and Seungmin shared one didn't surprise anyone seriously. The two were just a great team. What this team did privately in their own four walls, no one knew except Jeongin. Of course, they had to keep up appearances with two beds and everything.
Felix's bedroom was their actual one, and Seungmin's room served more as a studio where they recorded covers.
And now they lay in their bed, ten minutes later, breathing heavily and giggling in the bedsheets they'd bought together at Ikea, under a blanket Seungmin's mother had ordered for them, and two pillows from an Australian luxury brand that Felix's mother had gotten for them.
Yes, their parents knew from the beginning. They had to, or the two would probably have exploded. They'd agreed on that right away. In general, they discussed everything, so there were actually no big issues to argue about. They knew each other's wishes, hopes, thoughts, and boundaries; they took care of each other and still gave each other space, so they could joke around with the other members without major jealousy or hurt feelings.
When Felix gave Seungmin a kiss full of love and passion that morning, he should have known they should have just stayed in bed.
The day was tightly scheduled: training, interviews, and some recordings for YouTube content.
Felix sat leaning against Changbin as the two read through comments.
He felt good yes, his pants were a bit tighter lately. But he had a lot of stress, and on the other hand, he felt incredibly comfortable at home, and he and Seungmin loved to chill. Plus, Minnie never let him skip a meal. A few years ago, he'd had a very difficult relationship with food, so Seungmin never let that slide.
And his boyfriend clearly said and showed how much he liked Felix's body. But while Seungmin could seemingly eat more than everyone else combined without gaining a gram, Felix just had to look at food to put on weight. Unfortunately, neither of them were big gym-goers. Minnie paid attention to his fitness but only showed interest in equipment when Felix was half-naked on it not that it bothered Felix. He basically only worked on his abs and back. With dancing, jogging, and regular soccer with Seungmin and Hyunjin, that seemed enough for him... at least, that's what he thought.
But the comments showed otherwise... Comparisons between a recent photo and one from two years ago. Instead of an eight-pack, now a six-pack. Thin, model-like arms replaced by flesh and muscle mass. He used to be the thinnest of them all, and now...
Feelings he hadn't had in years crept in and settled firmly over the next few days.
At first, he skipped snacks. He noticed Minnie eyeing him three days later when he declined his favorite snack, but fortunately, no comment followed.
That changed as Felix paid more attention to his calorie intake. The less he ate, the more he saw the contours of his muscles again, but the more Seungmin nagged. He didn't nag Felix knew it was just worry but it didn't help him get closer to his goal of losing five kilos.
"Hey, want to go out to eat today? We haven't had a date in ages," Minnie asked hesitantly between two rehearsal runs.
But Felix shook his head. "No, I'm tired, and I have that meeting with the Louis Vuitton people early tomorrow."
When he got no response, he looked up and... Minnie looked hurt. Just because he didn't have time once?
"You... you haven't really had time for two weeks. It's not that... intimately anything has changed between us, but somehow you're being weird to me."
Felix knew he should probably tell Minnie what was going on. But somehow it irritated him. Why couldn't he just understand that not everything had to revolve around food?
Plus, Seungmin paid even more attention than usual. He constantly offered Felix food, motivated him to "just try a bite."
And the more attention Seungmin gave it, the angrier Felix became.
"Lixie, can you tell me what's wrong? I'm worried... We're training so much for the tour right now, and you're barely eating."
But Felix brushed it off with "I'm fine, baby" and occupied Seungmin's mouth with other things for the next 45 minutes until he slept peacefully beside him, and Felix was plagued by an uncomfortable bad conscience for having placated his boyfriend with sex.
A week with less than 1400 calories and Seungmin's increasing helplessness passed.
He came home after a long individual schedule, and a actually beautiful sight awaited him.
Seungmin in a black shirt and black pants, around his neck the necklace Felix had given him for their second anniversary.
The table was full of delicious treats Felix loved. Spicy raw crab, black bean noodles, tteokbokki, and fried chicken. At the other end of the table was a small, clearly homemade cake judging by the wobbly decoration that Seungmin had baked.
"Surprise!" Minnie called excitedly. "I thought we've had so little time and you've been so stressed. We could have a nice evening together."
But besides all the effort and love Seungmin had clearly put into it, Felix saw one thing above all: unnecessary calories... the hours he'd have to jog to burn them off and even fewer calories the next days to make up for it. It just wasn't worth it for an hour of mindless eating.
"Minnie, that's really sweet, but I'm tired."
Seungmin's face fell.
Seungmin's features collapsed as if Felix had just slapped him. The excitement in his eyes went out like a candle in the wind, replaced by an expression of hurt and frustration. He stared at Felix, his hands still slightly raised as if to emphasize the surprise he had so carefully prepared. The scent of the dishes spicy, tempting hung heavy in the air, but to Felix, it felt like a trap.
"You're... tired?" Seungmin repeated slowly, his voice quiet but with an undertone that warned Felix this wouldn't just pass. He lowered his arms and crossed them over his chest, as if he needed to protect himself. "Felix, I spent the whole afternoon in the kitchen. I made your favorite things especially, because I thought... because I thought it would cheer you up. You've barely eaten in the last weeks, and I'm worried about you. And now? 'I'm tired'? That's all?"
Felix felt his stomach tighten not from hunger, but from guilt and anger. He knew deep down that Seungmin was right. But the sight of all this food, the calories adding up in his head, made him panic. He didn't want to eat. He didn't want to gain weight. He wanted to look like he used to slim and defined without the comments tearing him apart. "Minnie, it's really sweet of you, okay? I appreciate it. But I just don't have an appetite. The day was exhausting, and I just want to go to bed. Can't we postpone it?"
Seungmin laughed bitterly, a sound that made Felix flinch. It wasn't a happy laugh, but one full of disbelief. "Postpone? Felix, this isn't a meeting! This is our evening! We haven't had a proper date in weeks. You keep pushing me away first the dinner out, then the snacks, and now this? I'm trying to help you, and you... you look like you're mad at me for caring!" His voice got louder, and he gestured toward the table. "Look at this! Spicy raw crab your favorite! Black bean noodles, just the way you like them! And the cake... I baked for hours, even though I hate baking, just for you! And you won't even look at it?"
Felix's cheeks flushed with shame, but anger took over. Why didn't Seungmin understand that this wasn't about him? It was about Felix's body, about the control he finally wanted back. "It's not about you, okay? I'm just not hungry! Why do you keep pushing food on me? For days you've been nagging me 'Try a bite,' 'Eat something' like I'm a child! Just leave me alone! I'm trying to take care of myself, and you're ruining everything!"
Seungmin's eyes widened, and he took a step back as if Felix had hit him. "Ruining? I'm worried about you, you idiot! You're barely eating, training like crazy, and you look like you're about to collapse! Do you remember back then? The time when you struggled with food? I pulled you through that, and now you're acting like it's nothing! Is it because of the comments? Those stupid fans comparing you? Felix, you're perfect the way you are! You don't need to lose weight you need help!"
"Perfect? Look at me!" Felix exploded finally. He pulled up his shirt to show his belly, which in his eyes was too soft, too untrained. "I used to have an eight-pack, and now? I look like... like a normal guy! The fans notice it, and it hurts! And you? You stuff me full of food like that's the solution! Why can't you just accept that I want to handle this alone? You're not my babysitter!"
Seungmin shook his head, tears shimmering in his eyes, but he wiped them away angrily. " i love your body. It's healthy and attractive and gives me stability and love amd passion. And of course i worry...Because I'm your boyfriend, Felix! Not just some buddy! We promised to be honest, to support each other. But you're shutting me out! Instead, you distract me with sex like I'm stupid. Sex when i want to have a real talk.....yeah the sex was great, but it doesn't change that you're suffering and not letting me in!"
He pointed at the table. "This was my attempt to show you I'm here for you. But if you don't want that... fine. Eat alone. But just eat and take care of yourself.But don't act like I'm the bad guy!"
Felix opened his mouth to say something, but the words stuck. He felt miserable seeing Seungmin's hurt look the look that usually made him melt. "I'm your boyfriend. I love you. Please let me help you."
But Felix was unfortunately blind with rage by now and didn't even notice what he was saying. "Then stop it!"
Seungmin looked at him in dismay. "Stop what? Worrying about you? I can't. You're my boyfriend."
He should have answered. Told him that he loved him too.
Instead, Felix turned around, grabbed his jacket, and with a few thoughtless words, put everything on the line.
"Then you should stop that too. We should break up. Then you don't have to worry anymore."
Seungmin's eyes widened in shock, as if Felix had rammed a knife into his heart. No that had to feel better than wwhatever thia feeling was.
The words hung in the air like poison, and for a moment, time seemed to stand still. "What... what did you say?" he whispered, his voice breaking, while tears now flowed unchecked down his cheeks.
He reached out a hand, as if to touch Felix, to hold him, but he hesitated, as if afraid everything would break ir he would really get rejected and the last secons would become true.
"Felix, no... please, you don't mean that. You can't mean that! "
Felix just closed his eyes, not wanting to see hoe betrayed Seungmin must have felt " I can't do this anymore "
Seungmin was really sobbing now " Please don’t do this to us...We... we are... please, let's talk. Sit down, jagi, let's sort this out. I love you, I want to help you, not lose you. This is not us, we talk about everything. Please!"
Felix's heart pounded wildly, and a wave of shame overwhelmed him.
Fuck
What the fuck had he just said?
The words had burst out of him, driven by anger and frustration, but now they burned like acid in his throat.
He saw Seungmin's desperate face the red eyes, the trembling lips and knew he had just destroyed the person he loved the most.
Fucking ashamed and blind with rage, he clenched his fists, unable to bear the pain in Seungmin's gaze any longer. "Leave me alone!" he muttered hoarsely, turned around, and stormed to the door.
He heard Seungmin calling his name, pleading, desperate, but he ignored it, slammed the door behind him, and fled into the night, letting the tears in his own eyes roll down.
The following days, it was as if an invisible wall had been built between them. Felix ignored Seungmin consistently in training, he avoided his gazes, in meetings he sat as far away as possible, didn't respond to messages, that came now less and less....at home he came really late and disappeared immediately into his room, which suddenly was just his own for the first time since they moved in.
He ate even less, trained harder, as if to punish himself. Because that was the only thing he deserved....punsishment.
But every time he saw Seungmin, his heart broke more. His boyfriend or was he still? was not himself anymore.
The otherwise lively, witty Seungmin had become a shadow.
He himself barely ate anything, picked listlessly at his food, and Felix noticed how his cheeks looked sunken, his eyes dull and empty.
During rehearsals, he lacked energy, stumbling over steps he otherwise mastered perfectly, and Minho grumbled at him without suspecting what was behind it.
Seungmin didn't laugh anymore, didn't joke around with the others, and at night, Felix heard through the thin wall how he tossed and turned restlessly.
It was heartbreak, pure and raw, the same he felt, and Felix knew he was the reason.
He missed him so much, it felt like dying, like dying from heartbreak and missing his love the warmth in their hugs, their talks, the little kisses, the quiet togetherness.
But how should he fix it? How could he even? He did something so horrible....he behaved....fuck... He was too cowardly, too ashamed to make the first step. Too ashamed to admit, that Seungmin had been right all along.
One evening, Felix stood in front of the mirror in their bathroom, staring at his reflection. He had lost two kilos the contours of his muscles stood out sharper, his belly was flatter, closer to the "perfect" image from before. But at what price? His eyes were sunken, his skin pale, and inside he felt emptier than ever before.
What was it all for?
The fans would find new comments to criticize, and he had lost the person who loved him just as he was.
What was life worth if you couldn't soend it with the only person you want to share it with?
Tears welled up in his eyes as his phone rang. It was his mom.
"Hey, my darling," she said cheerfully, her voice warm and familiar. "I wanted to thank you again for the soup. That was so sweet of you!"
Felix blinked confused, wiped away the tears. "What soup? Mom, what are you talking about?"
"Oh, didn't you know? Minnie is really my favorite son well, I wrote him yesterday evening about my cold, and he was so worried. And this morning, a whole load of soups from that little Korean restaurant bear the market was delivered! Different kinds, all delicious and healing, and he send even some medicine with it. He wrote me two hours ago, that it was from both of you, but I know it was his idea. He's such a treasure, Felix. You've got a good catch, i am so glad he will be part of our family."
Felix's heart contracted as if someone had crushed it. Seungmin had done that? Despite everything that had happened? Despite the hurt Felix had inflicted on him? He felt even worse than before the biggest idiot in the world.
How could he be so blind, so ignorant? Seungmin was suffering, and instead of getting revenge or giving up, he still took care of Felix's family. The shame was overwhelming, so great that it paralyzed him. He wanted to apologize to Minnie, wanted to run to him, take him in his arms, and take everything back. But how? Too great was the fear of finally losing the person he loved the most by trying. He murmured a quick "Glad, Mom" and hung up, sank to the floor, and cried silent tears, alone with his regret and did the only thing, that he knew was right. With just a few clicks, an appointment was arranged with his old therapist, who had already pulled him out of this once before.
Two days later, after the call with his mom, Felix felt trapped in a never ending fog. The regret anf pain was eating him up, and he'd cried through the night, unable to sleep. Seungmin hadn't come home instead, he'd sent a brief message: "Staying overnight at Chan and Jeongin's." Felix had replied " could we talk?"
But Seungmin hadn't replied, and he was too cowardly to bridge the gap personally, he didn’t want to push Seungmin even more away.
The next day in the studio, during a break between recordings, Chan pulled him aside, after he saw Felix looking at Seungmin all the time. The leader looked worried, his eyes scanning Felix's sunken cheeks and the dark circles under them.
"Felix, what's going on with you two?" Chan asked quietly but urgently. "You've both lost weight, you're totally unfocused and in a bad mood. Seungmin has slept at our place the last two nights he looks like a ghost, but won't talk to me and Jeongin refuses to say anything either....And you... you don't look any better. Did something happen? You two usually are like chopsticks."
Felix's throat tightened. He felt tears burning in his eyes and clenched his fists to not break down in front of everyone. The others were nearby, laughing at some joke from Hyunjin. "Later, hyung," he muttered hoarsely, looking away. "I... I need your help. But not now." Chan nodded hesitantly, patted him on the shoulder, but Felix knew that wasn't the end. That talk didn't come, the schedule was just too busy.
He lay awake at night too, sniffing at the pillow that still smelled of Seungmin, sobbing and praying to every god that Seungmin would please come back to him. He only fell asleep after looking at photos and videos from the last three years for four hours straight and then finally listening to Minnie's cover of "Birds of a Feather".
During the training session the following day, everything escalated.
Felix had lain awake all morning, tried to call Seungmin, but he didn't pick up probably still at Jeongin's to avoid Felix.
But when he finally saw his love....fuck.. Seungmin looked really bad: His eyes were red-rimmed, his movements sluggish and uncoordinated, as if he hadn't slept or eaten in days.
Felix's heart broke with every glance he threw at him, but he kept his distance, too cowardly to speak here, because he just knew, he wouldn't keep it in.
The others noticed the weird mood immediately. Hyunjin threw worried looks, Changbin muttered something about "bad mood in double pack," and even Han asked quietly if everything was okay.
Felix himself looked like he'd been crying for days, his eyes swollen from the tears of the last nights, and he stumbled several times over simple steps.
Minho, who led the choreo, first tried to lighten the mood, as he always did.
"Yo, Seungmin-ah, did you treat Felix badly or what? The little one looks like he cried through the night. What's wrong with you two?" Minho asked jokingly, with a grin, while correcting Jisung's pose. It was his usual sarcasm, nothing mean, but it hit the mark.
Seungmin froze, his face turned pale. "Minho-hyung, please stop," he whispered, his voice trembling as if fighting back tears.
But Minho, who didn't immediately grasp the seriousness, followed up, as he often did in such moments to make the group laugh. "There, Puppy and Kitty don't love each other anymore or what's going on in your happy house? Why do you look so shitty? Do we need to divide your household? Does Felix want me to take the dog back?"
The comment hit like a blow.
Seungmin's lips trembled, and suddenly tears burst out of him not loud, not dramatic...and that was even worse. He tried so hard to hide his pain...silent sobs suddenly filled the whole room. He turned around and went out of the training room, the door slamming behind him.
Everyone froze.
Hyunjin dropped his arm, Changbin murmured "What the hell?", Han looked shocked, and Jeongin bit his lip as if he knew more.
Minho stood there frozen, the grin wiped from his face, replaced by pure shock and regret. "I... that was just a joke," he stammered. "Shit, what did I do?"
Felix stood there in a trance, staring at the door through which Seungmin had disappeared. The words echoed in his head, and something in him broke. "It was me," he murmured quietly, his voice toneless. "I hurt him ....hurt so fucking much... and instead of apologizing, I ignored him and then....i was just too ashamed."
Minho whirled around, his face ashen, a terribly bad conscience written on his face. "Lix? What... what do you mean? What exactly happened?"
Felix's knees gave way. He broke down crying, sank to the floor, hands over his face. The tears streamed like a river, and the words poured out of him as if he couldn't hold them any longer. "We.....i love him... we're together. Like together.....together.. For over three years. Seungmin and I... we're a couple. And I broke up with him because I was an idiot. He was worried about me and the food I'm having one of those shitty phases again, after those stupid comments about my body. I didn't want to hear what he said, pushed him away. I was fucking mean. And now... now he's suffering because of me and i don't knos if he will take me back. And if he won't, i don't know what to do, because he is the one for me."
The room was dead silent. Everyone stared at Felix, shocked to the core. Hyunjin gasped, Changbin whispered "What? Are you joking? For three years?", Han shook his head as if he couldn't believe it, and Chan stood there, eyes wide. "You... are together? And no one knew?" Millions of questions rained down on Felix: How? Since when exactly? Why secret? How did you manage it?
But Jeongin said nothing, just stood there staring at the floor. Chan noticed it immediately. "Innie... you knew, didn't you? That's why you pushed so hard for the four apartments. You wanted to give them space."
Jeongin nodded silently " That and i didn't want to see them having sex again..once eas more than enough " that was all it took and the group exploded into a chaos of questions and disbelief.
Minho, however, didn't wait. With a muttered "I'll get him," he ran out of the room, driven by bad conscience. He found Seungmin in the hallway, huddled against the wall, totally dissolved, face buried in his hands, sobbing like a child. "Minnie... hey, I'm sorry. I...fuck....i really didn't know. Please come back. The others... they know now. Felix... he needs you..he is breaking apart in there.."
Seungmin shook his head " he just threw me away....like the last years didn't matter"
But Minho gently hugged him " that boy inside that room needs his boyfriend. The one he can’t imagine life without ". He pulled him up, led him back to the hall where the group waited, the air thick with emotions.
As soon as Seungmin came back, led by a remorseful Minho who had put his arm reassuringly around his shoulders, Felix couldn't hold out a second longer. The room was filled with tense silence, the others' gazes boring into him, but Felix ignored everything. He stormed toward Seungmin, pulled him into a tight embrace, and held him as if he could never let go. Seungmin's body was stiff, still trembling with sobs, but Felix pressed Minnie's face into his neck and whispered hoarsely: "Minnie, I'm so sorry. I'm such an idiot. I've already made an appointment with the therapist I swear, I'll fix this. I love you more than anything, I can't lose you. You know you're the only one for me. You know you're my home, my happiness, my peace. Please forgive me. I should have...fuck...I was so stupid. I love you more than life itself. Please forgive me."
Seungmin still looked down crying, the tears dripping onto the floor of the training room, unable to look Felix in the eyes. His shoulders shook, and he sniffled quietly, as if wanting to shut out the world. Felix's heart broke at the sight, and he gently lifted Seungmin's chin, forcing him to look at him. Without another word, he pressed his lips to Seungmin's an intense, desperate kiss, full of regret and love. At first, Seungmin was rigid, but then he thawed, melted into the touch, returned the kiss with the same passion, hands clutching Felix's shirt.
The others just watched shocked, mouths half open, eyes wide. They had never seen the two like this so raw, so intimate, so... in love.
Only now, seeing the two of them kissing as if they'd done it a million times before which they probably had did they realize the situation. Felix and Seungmin were a couple. A couple who loved each other. A couple who had been together for years.
Hyunjin whispered something to Changbin, Han stared with his mouth open, and Chan rubbed his eyes as if he couldn't believe what was happening. Jeongin only smiled faintly, the only one not surprised at all. Minho stood there, still with a bad conscience, and murmured: "Okay, that explains some things from the past. That's why you were so possessive pver living with Minnie......and that's why it's normal for you two to buy each other presents. "
Felix pulled away slightly breathless from the kiss, brushed a strand from Seungmin's face, and said gently: "You sent soup and medicine to my mom."
Seungmin nodded sniffling, wiped away the tears. "Yes....of course...mom is sick.."
Chan just stood there like a parrot, "Mom."
Felix smiled sadly, pulled him even closer. "You didn't tell her anything about us fighting."
Seungmin shook his head. "You didn't either."
The others, overhearing the conversation, couldn't stay silent any longer. Hyunjin burst out: "Wait, your parents know? About you?"
Felix nodded, without letting go of Seungmin. "Of course, we even bought a house in Sydney in their neighborhood."
Changbin gasped. " We? Like you two? Together?"
"Of course together," Felix said with a grin that finally seemed genuine again. He gently scratched Seungmin's neck, kissing the familiar skin and the two whispered something to each other quiet words of reconciliation meant only for them.
Then they kissed even more intensely, Felix's hands wandering lower, playfully pinching Seungmin's ass and pressing him firmly against him, as if he never wanted to let him go.
The others whispered unbelievable questions back and forth: "Three years? How did they keep it secret?"
"A house in Sydney? Seriously?"
"And Jeongin knew the whole time?"
"Wait, and the sex? Was that the reason for the separate apartments?"
The group was a whirlwind of shock, curiosity, and quiet joy, while Felix and Seungmin sank into their own world, forgetting the world around them for a moment.
A few days later the air smelled of fresh kimchi pancake, fried chicken, and the sweet scent of Seungmin's latest favorite candle fragrance -lavender with a hint of vanilla, of course.
The large dining table was fully occupied.
They had toiled in the kitchen for hours. Together, they always created chaos in the kitchen, far too distracted by each other; it took several attempts to avoid ruining or simply burning the dishes. Especially since they had spent the last few days just talking and cuddling, and the heat and the accidental touching and bumping into each other were more than distracting.
Chan sat at the head like an exhausted but satisfied father who had just learned his kids had been secretly married for years.
Next to him Jeongin, who wore a very smug little grin the whole time.
Hyunjin had demonstratively sat on the floor because he wanted the "drama position," Changbin leaned half against the couch back, Han balanced three different snacks on his lap, Minho had his arms crossed and acted like he was only there for culinary reasons, which no one believed.
Felix and Seungmin sat next to each other on the small bench, close so that their thighs constantly touched. Seungmin had his arms crossed over his chest but no longer looked as defensive as days ago. Felix's hand lay possessively on Seungmin's knee, stroking it gently with his thumb. It was a tiny but visible gesture of atonement and belonging for all.
Hyunjin broke the tense silence first.
"Okay. Three years. THREE. YEARS. Seriously?" He pointed with his whole arm at the two. "I've seen you every day! How the hell did you manage that?"
Felix laughed quietly, a bit embarrassed. "We had a lot of practice in not letting anything show?"
"Bullshit," Minho muttered immediately. " Now that i know...you always looked at him like you wanted to pin him against the next wall, you always chose each other. You are each other's biggest fans. And you hated me for wanting to room with Minnie. And I always thought that was just your general chaotic self."
Seungmin turned bright red. "Hyung."
"What? It's true!"
Chan raised his hands placatingly. "Okay, okay. Let's go chronologically. When exactly did you start?"
Felix and Seungmin looked at each other briefly that silent communication they had perfected over years.
"Officially..." Seungmin cleared his throat. "During the Maniac tour. We had already been... well... more than just friends for months, we both felt it. But there was that night we rented that AirBnB in Japan and everyone else was dead drunk asleep in the living room and we confessed."
Hyunjin gasped dramatically. "You had your first time in JAPAN ?!"
"No!" Felix called quickly. "A little bit later "
"Later when?" Han asked immediately with big doe eyes.
Felix threw Seungmin a pleading look. He sighed theatrically.
"Two weeks later. When we shared the hotel room."
"And Jeongin did find out ..how?"
Felix just giggled at the memory " Jeongin suddenly came home, even though he was supposed to be away for two more days."
Jeongin raised his hands. " how could i have known? I mean...i come back and the two are fucking right there"
He waved meaningfully with his hand.
Everyone laughed loudly except Seungmin, who slapped his hands over his face.
Changbin leaned forward, suddenly very serious. "And tvoth your parents really know? From the beginning?"
Felix nodded. "Yes. We both said right away: This is serious, our families have to know. Otherwise, we couldn't keep it secret for so long. My mom took Seungmin in her arms right on the first day she properly met him as a son-in-law and said: 'Finally, he has someone to take care of him.'"
Seungmin smiled small, almost shy. "And my mom asked Felix right away when the wedding is."
"WHAT?!" Hyunjin screamed again.
"She was joking!" Seungmin defended immediately. "I think."
"You think," Minho repeated dryly.
Chan rubbed his temples. "And the house in Sydney?"
Felix grinned now properly, proud and soft at the same time. "We bought that a year and a half ago. Completely inconspicuously through a company. It's not huge, but... it's ours with enough room for.....the future. We can go there someday when everything is over. Or just vacation without 20 people coming along."
"You have a secret love family nest in Australia," Han stated, as if realizing it only now. "That's... somehow very romantic."
"And very expensive," Changbin murmured.
Felix shrugged. "We've been saving for it in our joint account."
Minho leaned back, eyed the two for a long time. Then, quieter: "And the food thing... Felix. Was that really another phase?"
Felix lowered his gaze, nodded slowly. Seungmin's hand immediately lay on his, squeezing tight.
"I've started doing that shit again," Felix admitted quietly. "The comments hit me harder than I thought. And then I... took it all out on Minnie. That was shit. Really shit."
Seungmin turned to him, speaking only to Felix, as if the others weren't there. "You're going to therapy regularly now. And I'll nag you if you start doing it again. But I won't pressure you anymore. We'll find a way, okay?"
Felix nodded, eyes moist. "Okay."
A short, warm silence settled over the room.
Then Hyunjin clapped his hands. "Okay! New rules for the Happy House! First: No more secret making out when we're there we want to celebrate with you and we love and support you. Second: If you fight again, tell us right away. Third: I want an invitation to Sydney!"
Felix laughed loudly, quickly wiped his eyes. "You might get Sydney someday. But only when we plan the wedding."
Seungmin nearly choked on his water. "Felix!"
"What? It was just a joke." Felix grinned mischievously. "Or not?"
Seungmin stared at him, then his gaze became completely soft. "...maybe not a joke."
The others immediately exploded again into screams, questions, laughter, and indignant "Dont keep your wedding a secret too !" calls.
Felix simply pulled Seungmin to him, kissed him shortly and firmly on the temple, and murmured only for him: "Thank you for not giving up."
Seungmin leaned his forehead against Felix's shoulder, closed his eyes. "Thank you for coming back."
And while in the background six grown men talked, laughed, and tried to outdo each other simultaneously, the two just sat there enjoying it.
The apartment was suddenly quiet again. The plates were stacked in the sink because Chan had insisted they do it right away, the candles burned down, only a faint lavender-vanilla aroma lingered in the air. The door fell quietly into the lock, Hyunjin's last overexcited "Good night, you lovebirds!" still echoing.
Felix turned the key twice. The sound felt final. Finally alone. Finally their home again. And for the first time. Officially their bedroom.
Seungmin was already standing barefoot in the hallway, only in an old black hoodie and Felix's sleep shorts. The sleeves were too long, his hands almost disappearing in them. He said nothing. Didn't have to. His gaze spoke volumes: longing, hurt, relief, all at once.
Felix turned around. Slowly. And then something broke in him.
He was at him in two steps,, lifted Seungmin up as if he weighed nothing although Seungmin was no longer as light as before. The long legs immediately wrapped around Felix's hips, arms around his neck. Their foreheads touched, breaths mingled.
"Days," Felix whispered roughly, his voice almost broken. "Several damn days without you."
"I know," Seungmin breathed back, his lips already so close they almost touched. "I counted every single second."
The first kiss wasn't gentle. It was desperate. Felix pressed Seungmin with his back against the next wall, hands firm under his thighs, holding him as if he could disappear any moment. Seungmin gasped into his mouth, fingers digging into Felix's long hair, pulling him closer, deeper. Teeth clashed, tongues fought, it was more biting than kissing as if they had to reclaim the lost time with force.
Felix carried him to the bedroom, almost stumbling over his own feet because he didn't want to let go of Seungmin for a second. They fell onto the bed together, a tangle of limbs and fabric. Felix tugged the hoodie over Seungmin's head, threw it carelessly away.
His hands trembled as he ran over the familiar skin the collarbones, the ribs, the belly that he had missed so much in the last weeks.
Seungmin turned them with surprising strength, straddled Felix's hips. He pulled Felix's shirt up and over his head, threw it away too. Then he bent down, kissed Felix's chest, sucked on the sensitive skin over his heart, left a dark red mark.
"I missed you," he murmured against the skin, voice thick. "Every damn inch of you, your laugh, your attempt not to get up in the morning, just spending time together."
Felix's hands dug into Seungmin's hips, pulled him closer. "I needed you. Every day. Every night. I really didn't mean what i said. I love you more than anything in the world, I would never want us to be apart."
Seungmin pulled him into another kiss and sat up, opened Felix's jeans with fumbling fingers, pulled them down along with the boxers, so Felix's hard cock sprang toward him. Felix did the same to him slowly, almost reverently, until Seungmin quickly stood up and threw the rest away and then sat naked back on Felix.
As Seungmin knelt naked over him like that, Felix held his breath. He saw the light shadows under Seungmin's eyes, the narrower cheeks from the heartbreak he had caused himself. Guilt and love tightened his throat.
"I love you," he whispered hoarsely, pulled Seungmin back down to him, kissed him slower this time. Deeper. "I'm so sorry."
"I know," Seungmin answered quietly, forehead leaned against Felix's. "I forgave you. Even before you said it."
Felix turned them again, gently laid Seungmin on his back. He kissed every inch he could reach the neck, the hickeys he wanted to set anew, the insides of the soft long thighs, until Seungmin trembled and whimpered quietly.
When Felix finally knelt between his legs, fingers already slick with lube, he paused. Looked Seungmin in the eyes.
"Tell me if it's too much," he whispered seriously. "Or too fast. Or too anything." He didn't know why he was so nervous, as often as they had sex. But something felt different, more intense, almost sacred.
Seungmin nodded, but pulled him immediately back to him. "I need you. Hard. Slow. Whatever. Everything. As long as it's you."
After Felix had gently opened him with his fingers, he entered him slowly agonizingly slowly.
Seungmin arched his back, a long, trembling sigh escaped him. Felix paused when he was fully in, let Seungmin adjust, gave him time. Only when Seungmin dug his nails into his back and breathed "Please... move," did he start to make love.
It was intense. Deep. Every thrust was an apology, every gasp a promise.
Seungmin wrapped his legs around Felix's hips, pulled him even deeper, hands buried in Felix's hair. They kissed in between uncoordinated, wet kisses, more teeth and breath than lips.
Felix changed the angle, hit that one spot that always made Seungmin moan loudly. The sounds the quiet slap of skin on skin, the wet glide, Seungmin's choppy breaths, Felix's suppressed curses filled the room.
"I love you," Felix panted at some point, forehead sweaty pressed against Seungmin's shoulder. "I love you so much."
Seungmin came first suddenly, overwhelmingly. His whole body tensed, he dug his teeth into Felix's shoulder to muffle the scream. Felix followed seconds later, a deep, choked moan as he spilled inside him, hips pressed firmly against Seungmin one last time.
They stayed like that entwined, sweaty, breathing heavily. Felix wanted to pull back, but Seungmin held him tight.
"Stay in," he murmured quietly. "Just a little longer."
Felix kissed him gently on the temple, the nose, the closed eyelids. "As long as you want"
Seungmin woke up because sunlight fell through the curtains and shone directly into his face. He blinked, stretched and immediately felt Felix's gaze.
Felix was awake. On his stomach, chin on crossed arms, staring at him. Not lovingly. Nervously. Very nervously. Almost panicky.
"...what's wrong?" Seungmin murmured sleepily, rubbed his eyes. "Why are you looking at me like I killed someone in my sleep?"
Felix swallowed audibly. His gaze wandered slowly downward.
To Seungmin's left hand.
The ring was ....not small. Not flashy, but noticeable a clear, flawless diamond in a simple platinum setting that caught the morning light and cast small rainbows over the bedsheets. It fit perfectly. As if made for it.
Seungmin followed the gaze. Saw the ring. And froze.
"Felix..." he whispered slowly, almost incredulously. "What. The. Hell."
Felix sat up abruptly, the blanket slipping to his waist. His cheeks burned.
"I... well... I've had it for almost a year....like 8 months. It was in the drawer in the studio, behind the old cables. I wanted the perfect moment on our next anniversary....And yesterday... when you smiled and everything was right again... I..." He ran his hand hectically through his hair. "I slipped it on while you were sleeping. Because I was scared I'd screw everything up again if I asked just like that and....fuck....did i fuck up?"
Seungmin stared at the ring. Then at Felix. Then at the ring again.
And then he laughed first quietly, then loudly, tears in the corners of his eyes. He threw himself forward, wrapped his arms around Felix's neck, and squeezed him so tight that Felix gasped.
"You slipped an engagement ring on me in my sleep?" he asked laughing, voice thick with emotion.
Felix nodded hectically. "Yes... I think I did."
Seungmin took Felix's face in both hands, the diamond glittering right in front of Felix's nose.
"And in case you haven't figured it out yet," he said quietly, eyes shining, "the answer is yes. Yes, for three damn years. Yes, forever. Yes, you complete, romantic idiot."
Felix's eyes grew big. Then moist. Then a relieved, almost childlike smile broke through. He pulled Seungmin to him, kissed him wildly, happily, salty from tears.
"Are we really getting married?" he murmured against his lips.
Seungmin grinned, kissed him once more, deeper. "Yes. But you have to ask me properly. On your knees, in front of everyone. So Hyunjin is allowed to cry properly."
Felix laughed loudly, turned Seungmin onto his back, and kissed every finger, especially the one with the ring.
"Mr. Lee Seungmin," he whispered grinning.
Seungmin punched him gently on the chest. "Or Mr. Kim Yongbok. We'll decide that later."
"Later," Felix agreed, pulled him back under the blanket. "As long as we and our kids have a common name, everything's good."
Because right now, only this mattered.....the two of them, the ring, the morning sun, and the feeling that they were finally, truly, forever at home